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      Jimmy Kimmel Takes On Matt Gaetz Over His Bid for a Pre-emptive Pardon

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      Trump aides denied him a blanket pardon for fear it would set a bad precedent, Kimmel said: “At the time, they were only interested in setting terrible precedents.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Pardon Me?Before President Donald Trump left office, Representative Matt Gaetz, one of his most vocal allies, unsuccessfully sought a blanket pre-emptive pardon for any crimes he may have committed, The New York Times reported this week. At the time, the Republican congressman from Florida was the subject of a Justice Department investigation over whether he’d had a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old and violated sex trafficking laws, though it is unclear whether he or the White House knew about the inquiry.“The reason the White House denied the pre-emptive pardon for Matt Gaetz is because they thought it would set a bad precedent,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday. “At the time, they were only interested in setting terrible precedents.”“You know, his advisers, according to Maggie Haberman of The Times, talked him out of a full-throated defense of Gaetz, which is sad, because Matt Gaetz really was the son Donald Trump never had, even though he had a couple.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Do you know how shady you have to be for Number 45’s lawyers to go, ‘No, that’s a bad look. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just farted on camera, my head is leaking, and I’m late for my press conference outside the crematorium dildo shop.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTStephen Colbert noted how close Gaetz had been to Trump at one point. The congressman wrote in a book that Trump would call him frequently while in office.“[imitating Gaetz] ‘The president has called me everywhere: while I was lurking in the bushes outside of a high school, while I was making fake IDs, even while I was tutoring my girlfriend for the SATs.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Gaetz says the president called him ‘even in the throes of passion (yes, I answered).’ Thinking about Matt Gaetz having sex, I’m in the throes of up.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Blanket-Burning Edition)“Gaetz has denied any wrongdoing, but sources say that just before the previous president left office, Gaetz asked for a blanket pardon. Oh, I don’t think the blanket wants a pardon; I think it wants to be burned — it’s seen too much.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You know you haven’t done anything wrong when you check in with the president to ask for a pardon in case you happen to get accused of a sex crime somewhere down the line.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The pardon request was reportedly seen as a nonstarter at the White House, which is — that’s saying a lot, considering Donald Trump once wanted to nuke a hurricane.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Danielle Brooks talked with Trevor Noah about motherhood, and about playing the legendary gospel singer Mahalia Jackson.The “Saturday Night Live” star Pete Davidson took on Jimmy Fallon in a “Random Instrument Challenge.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightPadma Lakshmi will dish on Season 18 of “Top Chef” on Thursday’s “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”Also, Check This OutA courtroom sketch of Rodney King testifying at a civil trial in 1994. He had sued the city of Los Angeles. Mary Chaney Family Trust, via Library of CongressThe Library of Congress recently added 200 courtroom sketches of the Rodney King police brutality trials to its collection. “We are drawing history in the making,” one sketch artist said. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Celebrates Joe Biden’s Early-Bird Special

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      Late-night hosts welcomed the news that vaccines would be available to all American adults two weeks ahead of schedule.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.And You Get a Shot!President Biden announced on Tuesday that all American adults would be eligible to get a coronavirus vaccine by April 19, two weeks earlier than his previously stated goal.“Or as Biden calls it: Operation Early-Bird Special,” Jimmy Fallon joked on “The Tonight Show.”“When Joe Biden was running, he promised 100 million shots in 100 days, but we’ve blown past that barrier, baby. The U.S. is now administering about three million shots per day, on average. This administration is delivering pricks in arms. As opposed to the last administration, which delivered armed pricks.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Way to go, Joe! Getting it done early. Although, supporters of the previous president are quick to point out that he was able to finish his entire presidency a whole four years before his original goal.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You know more people are vaccinated when pajama sales go down and Spanx go up.” — JIMMY FALLON“You get a shot! And you get a shot! And you get a shot! Thanks, President Joe-prah!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I have to say, this is going to be a solid plan. You get vaxed on 4/19, then you smoke it up on 4/20.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Opening Day Edition)“Despite warnings from health experts, the Texas Rangers had a full crowd of more than 38,000 people for their home opener. Yeah, when they walked in all of the fans got a Dr. Fauci bobblehead that only shook its head ‘no.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Many of the fans were defiantly maskless. I like that adult men will go to a baseball stadium and wear a glove the whole game, for the one in 98,000 chance they might catch a foul ball. But a mask? No way, out of the question!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They just couldn’t wait to pee in a trough again.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know how they kept the virus away? They did the wave and they just fanned it all the way to Arkansas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was a strange game. It was the first time umpires were trying to get themselves thrown out.” — JIMMY FALLON“For those keeping score, the Rangers lost 6-2. So you can understand why the fans were excited: They only have 80 more chances this season to see the Rangers lose at home.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah broke down the pros and cons of vaccine passports on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightJulien Baker will perform a track from her latest album, “Little Oblivions,” on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This Out“Kung Fu,” a new show on the CW, stars Olivia Liang as an American college student who drops out to train at a monastery in China.Kailey Schwerman/CWThe CW’s “Kung Fu” reboot hopes to right the wrongs of its 1970s predecessor with a female lead and predominantly Asian-American cast. More

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      Late Night Doesn’t Buy Republicans’ Corporate Boycotts

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      Stephen Colbert suggested Donald Trump’s followers get comfortable with going generic: “I hope you like Great Value Bat and Ball Product and Kirkland Signature Airlines.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Jim Crow 2.0’Several major companies and organizations with ties to Georgia have come out against the state’s restrictive new voter laws, including Delta, Coca-Cola and Major League Baseball, which pulled its All-Star Game from suburban Atlanta in protest.On Monday’s “Late Show,” Stephen Colbert explained how the laws make voting more complicated and less accessible, especially for Black voters.“And it’s sure not a great look that Georgia governor Brian Kemp signed it behind closed doors guarded by state troopers, surrounded by white men while sitting under a painting of a slave plantation,” Colbert said. “He then celebrated by watching ‘Gone With the Wind’ and singing all the words to ‘Gold Digger.’”“It is so blatantly racist that it’s been dubbed ‘Jim Crow 2.0.’ 2.0, really? Georgia’s passed so many voter-suppression measures, they’ve got to be up to at least Jim Crow Snow Leopard.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And you know it’s bad when the organization that includes the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians says you’re too racist. That’s like Matt Gaetz telling you to date your own age.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Meanwhile, the Braves were like, ‘Phew, I can’t believe this had nothing to do with our team name, tomahawk logo or chant.’” — JIMMY FALLONRepublicans upset by the corporate backlash include Donald J. Trump, who issued a statement saying that he would join a boycott of M.L.B. and Coca-Cola, among others.“Together, that constitutes a sector of the economy experts call, ‘the economy.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“His supporters are going to have to go generic. I hope you like Great Value Bat and Ball Product, and Kirkland Signature Airlines.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And now Republicans say they’re going to boycott baseball. They’re already boycotting the N.F.L. and the N.B.A. Soon their only sports will be golf and jarts.” — JIMMY FALLON“And honestly you’ve got to feel for the G.O.P., because they spend so much time defending corporate interests, trying to cut corporate taxes, letting corporations do whatever they want, and then the corporations are just like, ‘Cool, now we have more money to pay Colin Kaepernick.’” — TREVOR NOAH“But this is tough for these corporations, too. I mean, they must really miss the old days — you know, when they didn’t have to take sides on voting rights or culture wars. You know, they just made diapers out of asbestos and that was that.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Not the Diet Coke Edition)“Now Donald Trump calling for a boycott of Coca-Cola is beautiful. He had a Diet Coke button on his desk in the Oval Office. The man urinates aspartame, OK?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What are the chances that Donald Trump actually gives up Diet Coke or his bald head medicine? None, but he wants you to.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If he needs a pick-me-up, he’ll have to ask Don Jr. to share his supply of Coke Classic.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Cheer up, Republicans, you can’t watch football, baseball, or basketball or NASCAR anymore, but you can still watch Donald Trump play golf and drink Coke.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingIn response to backlash over a recent segment featuring the TikTok star Addison Rae performing some of the app’s most famous choreographed routines, Jimmy Fallon hosted the original creators on Monday night’s show.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile will chat about her new memoir, “Broken Horses,” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutTwo years ago, Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” remix featuring Billy Ray Cyrus made him a star. Now he’s back with another No. 1 song.Valerie Macon/Agence France-Presse — Getty ImagesLil Nas X’s controversial new single, “Montero (Call Me by Your Name),” debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard charts. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Pities the Suez Canal’s ‘Dockblocker’

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      “If you look closely, the ship has a tiny bumper sticker that says ‘student driver,’” Fallon said of the vessel that’s causing a world-class traffic jam.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘We’ve All Been There’A giant container ship is blocking the Suez Canal, one of the world’s most important maritime arteries, causing a traffic jam of more than 100 ships at each end.“Yeah, that’s a tough day for that captain. Right now he’s trending worldwide on Twitter as #dockblocker,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Wednesday.“If you look closely, the ship has a tiny bumper sticker that says ‘student driver.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Do you know how stressful it is to parallel-park when there’s someone behind you? Imagine blocking a whole hemisphere.” — JIMMY FALLON“And I feel so bad for the captain of that ship that got stuck in the canal because, like, we’ve all been there, trying to make a U-turn on a narrow street. But now imagine how much more stressful it must be when you know that if you back up wrong, you might bump Egypt.” — TREVOR NOAH“I also feel bad for the guys behind that ship, because it’s not like there’s a lot of alternate routes. Can you imagine if you are on one of those ships looking at your Waze app like, ‘What? Go around Africa?’” — TREVOR NOAH“What this situation really shows is how even in this age of technology, we still depend on old-school things like cargo ships and canals. I mean, think about it: Right now we can use our wireless computer phone to buy a hologram with cryptocurrency, but at the same time, big boat got stuck, water too small.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Extra Packaging Edition)“I get it — after a year of quarantine, nothing fits anymore. They should have put that ship into their stretchy canal. You know, the one that looks like denim, but gives, and it’s smart enough to go from sofa to brunch.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But when you look at how big that ship is, I’m not surprised it got stuck. And the crazy thing is that whole ship is just delivering two AA batteries. Yeah, the rest is just extra packaging.” — TREVOR NOAH“I’ll give you a sense of how huge these container ships are: This one is as long as New York’s Empire State Building is tall. Well, there’s your problem. You should have sailed it through upright.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Daily Show” correspondent Dulcé Sloan chronicles the oft-ignored history of female athlete-activists.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightMaya Rudolph will catch up with her former “Saturday Night Live” co-star Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“Illustrating superheroes requires imagination, but drawing a Black nerd merely requires a mirror,” says the comic book artist Brian Stelfreeze, who created these panels for T: The New York Times Style Magazine.Brian StelfreezeBlack nerds are finally having their long-awaited cultural moment. More

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      Stephen Colbert Suggests Guns Be Regulated Like Cars and Alcohol

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      Colbert said guns should require a license, registration and insurance: “If you move to a new state, you got to do the whole damn thing all over again. And you can’t go out loaded.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Retiring Thoughts and PrayersStephen Colbert opened Tuesday’s show addressing the mass shooting a day earlier in Boulder, Colo.“Now due, apparently, to pandemic shutdowns, it has been a year since there has been a large-scale shooting in a public place,” Colbert said. “Now we’ve had two in the last week: Boulder and Atlanta. Evidently, the only solution for America’s gun violence is putting all of us under house arrest.”“The responses from gun apologists, of course, have been predictable. The Colorado State Shooting Association released this statement: ‘There will be a time for the debate on gun laws. There will be a time for a conversation on how this could have been prevented. But today is not the time.’ Why not? That’s what they say every time this happens, and that’s what I say about what they say every time they say it every time it happens.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Even the idea of it being in a ‘groundhog’ situation is itself a ‘groundhog’ situation. Remember, Einstein said, ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Also, same-day gun purchases — whose stupid idea was that? Thanks, “Einstein.”’” — STEPHEN COLBERTSeth Meyers also addressed how common such violence has become.“I heard an anchor this morning call the events in Boulder ‘unimaginable.’ That’s probably a word we can retire. When something happens three or four times a week, it is no longer unimaginable. Sadly, we’re at a place where common sense gun laws and political action are the things — they are the things that have become unimaginable.” — SETH MEYERS“We could also stop using ‘shooter.’ It makes these people sound like hobbyists, which is exactly the [expletive] rationale that keeps those kinds of weapons flowing. ‘Killer’ or ‘murderer’ works just fine.” — SETH MEYERS“And of course, we can do away with ‘thoughts and prayers.’ If the best you can muster in response to this kind of horror is to say words inside your own head and nothing more, best to look around, find someone or some organization that’s taking action, and help them instead.” — SETH MEYERSColbert specifically called out Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, who during a congressional hearing attempted to steer the subject from gun control to young people who drink and drive.“OK, I’ll take that deal. Let’s regulate guns the way we regulate alcohol and cars. You got to be 21, you got to pass a test to get a license, you got to have a registration and insurance for your gun. If you move to a new state, you got to do the whole damn thing all over again. And you can’t go out loaded.” — STEPHEN COLBERTAnd when Kennedy said there isn’t so much a gun control problem as “an idiot control problem,” Colbert agreed in part.“Oh, we definitely have an idiot control problem. It’s people who don’t recognize that this country has long had a gun problem, ‘John Kennedy.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Special Delivery Edition)“Speaking of the pandemic, I saw that DoorDash will now deliver Covid test kits to your house. Yeah, the DoorDash guy will hook you up with fast food, Covid tests and, after a long enough pause, weed: ‘Here’s your delivery, here’s your test. [pause] All right, here, let me see what I got.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Uber has started offering Covid tests, too. Yeah, if you get in the car and you can smell weed, you just tested negative, my friend. Congrats!” — TREVOR NOAH“I got to be honest, it’s a little strange getting medical supplies from the same guy who brought you lunch from Fuddruckers.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yes, thanks to DoorDash, you can now get a Covid test delivered right to your home along with, I’m assuming, 40 packets of ketchup.” — TREVOR NOAH“And let me remind everybody right now that your delivery driver is not responsible for your test results, all right? Because you know there are people out there who are going to base their reviews on that: ‘What? You’re telling me that I have Covid? Dude, one star!’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Daily Show” correspondent Desi Lydic delved into the world of women having orgasms onscreen in her segment “Hist-HER-y.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSharon Stone will stop by Wednesday’s “Late Show” to talk about her new memoir, “The Beauty of Living Twice.”Also, Check This OutFrom left foreground, America Ferrera, Colton Dunn, Nico Santos, Ben Feldman and Lauren Ash in the first season of “Superstore.” From the start, the show never insulated its characters from the outside world.Vivian Zink/NBCNBC’s big-box workplace sitcom “Superstore,” whose series finale is on Thursday, didn’t shy from the challenges faced by America’s low-wage workers, including the current pandemic. More

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      Stephen Colbert Breaks It Down for Spring Breakers

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      “Hot tip for Miami authorities: If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads,” Colbert joked. Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Spring Breaking the RulesCollege students celebrating spring break descended on Miami Beach over the weekend and flouted regulations about social distancing and wearing masks. On Monday night, Stephen Colbert chastised the city’s mayor, Dan Gelber, for saying those partyers were not “following the rules.” “Yes, he wants a spring break that’s not chaotic or disorderly, like in those famous videos, ‘Girls Gone Mild,’” Colbert said.“Things got so out of hand that on Saturday, the city was forced to declare a state of emergency and an 8 p.m. curfew. And, surprise, it didn’t work. Hot tip for Miami authorities: If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yup, now there’s a curfew from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. so spring breakers will have to return to their motel rooms. The best way to guard against Covid is forcing drunks into small, confined spaces, that’s what I’ve always heard.” — JIMMY FALLON“You know things are out of control when Florida is worried about Covid.” — JIMMY FALLON“College kids were like, ‘It’s a shame, ’cause I flew to Miami during a pandemic to party very responsibly.’” — JIMMY FALLON“[imitating partyer] Wooo! I’m with you, my fellow younglings. The virus can’t catch us if we don’t stop dancing! I’m never going to die!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is what’s going to happen after Florida’s governor called the state a ‘freedom oasis.’ Like if I put a Starbucks sign above my apartment door, I can’t be mad when people show up and try to take a [expletive] in my bathroom.” — TREVOR NOAH“But let’s be clear here: Covid is not over, all right? Some random dude can’t declare the end of the pandemic by dressing up like the Joker and making it rain. It’s not a thing. Only Anthony Fauci can declare the end of the pandemic by dressing up like the Joker and making it rain.” — TREVOR NOAH“But still, there’s no reason that you can’t celebrate spring break and wear a mask. It could be part of the fun. I mean, just think how sexy a wet mask contest could be, hmm? I mean, we haven’t seen mouths in a year — what’s under there?” — TREVOR NOAH“And if we learned anything from Miami, this is just a preview of how much everyone is going to get loose once the pandemic is truly over. People have been locked up for too long. Once it ends, everyone’s going to be drinking and partying, hooking up with everyone. It’s going to be so much that it’s going to create the next worldwide virus. Yeah, guys are going to be waking up in bed next to a bat like, ‘Uh-oh, I think I did it again.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Biden’s Trip Edition)“Our new president is on a roll, baby. Nothing can stop him now — except stairs.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He’s facing a lot of challenges in his first 100 days — the vaccine rollout, the crisis at the border, and what happened to Ms. Frizzle. Whew. But over the weekend, he faced his biggest challenge yet: staying upright.” — TREVOR NOAH“I’m sorry, guys, I honestly can’t believe that this happened. The president got knocked over by wind. This is going to be the first president where the Secret Service needs to carry around paperweights: ‘Hold on, sir, hold on. We got you, we got you — someone sneezed.’“ — TREVOR NOAH“He’s fine! Can we blame it on his dog, Major? No? Do it anyway.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s not like this just happened to Joe Biden, all right? It happens all the time. Biden tripped, Obama tripped, Mike Pence tripped. And the reason isn’t because they’re old — the reason is because they were running up and down stairs. You shouldn’t do that.” — TREVOR NOAH“That would never happen in Africa. I mean, mostly because our presidents fly commercial and they have to wait for their boarding group to be called, but you get what I mean.” — TREVOR NOAH“The point is we don’t think about it because we use stairs so much, all right? Nobody thinks about it, but stairs are basically an obstacle course. You take one wrong step and you’re going to eat [expletive]. And that’s one thing — one thing that my man Trump understood. You love him or hate him, but you’ve got to treat stairs with respect. He understood that. You walk up slowly, you hold the banister and you swear to God that if he lets you survive this, you will never walk up stairs ever again.” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s interesting — I feel like they’re the opposite with stairs and Covid. Like with Covid, Trump took no precautions; Biden took every precaution. But on stairs or ramps, Trump’s super careful, always holding the railing, going real slow. Whereas Biden throws caution to the wind, trips upstairs three times. So it’s interesting, you know? It just shows we all contain multitudes.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah looked into the gender disparities taking place as part of this year’s March Madness basketball tournament.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightMegan Mullally and Nick Offerman will catch up with Seth Meyers on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutPep band players can be some of the biggest basketball fans in the arena.Harry How/Getty ImagesOne noticeable difference for March Madness this year: no live bands. More

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      Stephen Colbert Is Skeptical of Putin’s Best Wishes for Biden

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      “That is ominous,” Colbert said of Vladimir Putin’s wishing the president “good health” on Thursday. “But then again, when Putin says anything, it kind of sounds ominous.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.From Putin, With LovePresident Vladimir V. Putin of Russia responded to President Biden’s comments this week about his being a killer by saying on Thursday that “it takes one to know one” and that he wished Biden “good health,” clarifying that it was without irony or insinuation.Stephen Colbert took glee in the trading of barbs, saying, “Someone dust off Dolph Lundgren and get him hunting for Red October because the Cold War is back on, baby, and this time we’re gonna waterboard Billy Joel until he tells us who started the fire.”“Putin is famous for being a killer. It’s kind of his thing, along with horses and nipples.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So not going with a denial. Interesting.” — JAMES CORDEN“He’s killed so many people that in 2017, The Washington Post was able to publish a list of 10 critics of Vladimir Putin who died violently or in suspicious ways. His greatest hits are hits.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“As if the pandemic wasn’t enough, let’s throw in tension with a nuclear enemy into the mix.” — JIMMY FALLON“That is ominous. But then again, when Putin says anything, it kind of sounds ominous.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Putin has poisoned infector sushi, he’s thrown journalists out of windows, he’s tried to assassinate his most vocal domestic critic, Aleksei Navalny, by putting the lethal nerve agent Novichok in his underpants. It was an episode of Putin’s prank show, ‘Murdered.’”— STEPHEN COLBERT“But it is funny that Putin had to clarify that he is not joking when he wishes Biden good health. Because, let’s face it: The man has killed so many people, everybody assumes that is what he means.” — TREVOR NOAH“In other words, if you know what’s good for you, don’t drink the chamomile tea.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (March Madness Edition)“The N.C.A.A. March Madness basketball tournament began today, and it’s extra exciting because there was no tournament last year. So this is my first chance in two years to get furious at 19-year-olds I hadn’t heard of five minutes ago.” — SETH MEYERS“This is the year that answers the question, ‘How do you have an office pool when there’s no one at the office?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, everyone is doing their office pools. Of course, this year that means it’s you against your wife, your 2-year-old and your dog. ‘Rusty, you picked Gonzaga, too?’” — JIMMY FALLON“President Obama went out on a limb. He took No. 1 seed Gonzaga to go all the way, which is interesting when you consider that Gonzaga, as I have pointed out in the past, is not even a school. it doesn’t exist — it’s imaginary. They made it up to win basketball tournaments. It’s a pretend place. It’s like Wakanda for white people.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingMichelle Obama and Jimmy Fallon crashed random Zoom meetings on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutCynthia Erivo, a Grammy and Tony winner, portrays Aretha Franklin in Season 3 of “Genius,” including all the singing.Richard Ducree/National Geographic, via Associated PressCynthia Erivo shines as the soul singer Aretha Franklin in Season 3 of National Geographic’s bio-anthology “Genius: Aretha.” More

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      Late Night Gets Serious About the Georgia Shootings

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      “Your murder speaks louder than your words,” Trevor Noah said of the man accused of killing eight people, most of them women of Asian descent.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘We Saw It Coming’The hosts got serious on Wednesday, addressing the shootings in the Atlanta area that killed eight people, most of them women of Asian descent. Trevor Noah said angrily that America saw this coming.“And what’s been sad about the story is not just the loss of life, but all of the auxiliary things that have been happening around the story, you know?” Noah said. “Like one of the first things that’s been the most frustrating for me is seeing the shooter say, ‘Oh, it wasn’t racism; it was sex addiction.’ First of all, [expletive] you, man. You killed six Asian people. Specifically, you went there. If there is anyone who’s racist, it is a [expletive] who killed six Asian women. Your murder speaks louder than your words.”“And you know, in a way, what makes it even more painful is that we saw it coming. We see these things happening. People have been warning. People in the Asian community have been tweeting, saying: ‘Please, help us. We’re getting punched in the street. We’re getting slurs written on our doors. We’re getting people coming up to us to say, “Thanks for Covid; thanks for spoiling the world! Thanks!”’ We are seeing this happening, and while we’re fighting for it, there are many people who have been like, ‘Oh, stop being so woke, so dramatic. Kung flu, come on, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha! It’s just a joke.’ Yeah, it’s a joke that comes at one of the most tense times in human history.” — TREVOR NOAH“Why are people so invested in solving the symptoms instead of the cause? America does this time and time again. A country that wants to fight the symptoms and not the underlying conditions that cause those symptoms to take effect — racism, misogyny, gun violence, mental illness. And, honestly, this incident might have been all of those things combined, because it doesn’t have to be one thing on its own; America is a rich tapestry of mass-shooting motivations.” — TREVOR NOAHStephen Colbert tied the shootings to the larger issues about immigration that the United States continues to face.“The only answer that comes to mind is a simple but strangely difficult one these days, and that’s not to hate each other, to recognize our common humanity; to acknowledge that we’re a nation of immigrants. We might believe different things, we might not look the same, but we’re all Americans. We share a common belief that all men are created equal, and it is that belief itself that makes people want to come here.” — STEPHEN COLBERTAnd on “The Late Late Show,” James Corden said the killings were a consequence of hateful speech.“When you think about the casual racism that’s been pervasive over the past 12 months, then we can start to see the link between language and action. There are real consequences to repeatedly hearing hateful speech. People get hurt and people die. This mass murder is the product of a system that repeatedly leaves women of color and sex workers in a place where they are invisible. They are vulnerable and targeted. Identifying these actions as a hate crime isn’t just about semantics. And because this is a hate crime, it falls on all of us to address the hate.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Rotten Potatoes Edition)“Well, guys, I want to start off by wishing everyone a very happy St. Patrick’s Day. Yep, instead of Pfizer and Moderna, people just stayed home and did shots of Jameson.” — JIMMY FALLON“Today is March 17, which means it’s St. Patrick’s Day. It is the day Irish people say, ‘Kiss me, I’m Irish,’ and people say, ‘No, you’re not, Governor Cuomo, stop that.’” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s a big day for me, since I’m Irish. I’m a Colbert, I’m a Tuck, I’m a Fee, I’m a Conley, I’m a Tormie, I’m an O’Neill. In fact, I scored 100 percent on Rotten Potatoes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Because of the pandemic, St. Patrick’s Day is very different this year. For instance, here in New York, they couldn’t hold the normal parade. They just had a small one to keep the tradition technically alive. And to ensure no crowds would show up, organizers invited Bill de Blasio.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, all day we got to play a fun game: Drunk Co-worker or Bad Zoom Connection.” — JIMMY FALLON“St. Patrick’s Day during Covid is pretty strange. You’ve got to stay six feet apart, or as Irish dads call it, hugging.” — JIMMY FALLON“My question is, is it really St. Patrick’s Day if I can’t watch a guy on Fifth Avenue puke into a green hat at 8 a.m., you know? I mean, are we really celebrating when I can’t see a subway grate blow a kilt over a man’s head?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee opened “Full Frontal” with a look into the recent rise in violence against women.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJustin Bieber will talk to James Corden on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutWilliam Singer, a central figure in the college admissions scandal that is the subject of “Operation Varsity Blues.”Netflix The new Netflix documentary “Operation Varsity Blues” delves into the headline-making 2019 college admissions bribery scandal. More