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      Late Night Is a Bit Concerned About Trump’s Last Nine Days

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Is a Bit Concerned About Trump’s Last Nine DaysJimmy Kimmel wants him out, but admits that “usually when the Senate tries to ram something through that quickly, it’s a conservative Supreme Court justice.” “Personally, I don’t think we should impeach him twice. I think we should impeach him three times, just to make sure it sticks,” Jimmy Kimmel said of President Trump.Credit…ABCJan. 12, 2021, 3:02 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Déjà Coup’Jimmy Kimmel opened his show on Monday with a “special shout-out” to international viewers watching on YouTube, “enjoying our comeuppance from afar.”“And I don’t blame you,” he said, making air quotes: “We had it coming here in the ‘United’ States.”Kimmel marveled at Vice President Mike Pence’s reluctance to invoke the 25th Amendment to remove President Trump from office over the siege of the U.S. Capitol last week, which Democrats seeking the president’s ouster accuse him of inciting.“Pence has reportedly said privately that he’d consider invoking the 25th if Trump becomes ‘more unstable,’” Kimmel said. “More unstable? That’s like Noah saying, ‘If this rain gets any worse, I might have to build an ark.’”“Several of them are saying nine days isn’t enough time to hold impeachment hearings — and they’ve got a point. You know, usually when the Senate tries to ram something through that quickly, it’s a conservative Supreme Court justice.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Some people are saying, ‘Why bother? He’s only got nine days left in office.’ To them I reply: He’s got nine days left in office! You can do a lot in nine days. That’s enough to create the universe, and then take a three-day weekend.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, Trump is being impeached again. Right now everyone in America is having déjà coup.” — JIMMY FALLON“Also, why are we waiting for Pence to act? He spent four years by this president’s side as he’s repeatedly excused or incited violence and sowed the destruction of our democracy. I feel like we’re a group of schoolchildren at the zoo waiting for the sloth to do something: ‘He’s not going to do anything — let’s go see the polar bear!’” — SETH MEYERS“Personally, I don’t think we should impeach him twice. I think we should impeach him three times, just to make sure it sticks.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (User Not Found Edition)“Well, if you think Trump’s upset about getting impeached, imagine how he felt the other day when Twitter announced that they’re permanently suspending his account. A lifetime ban! A lifetime ban. Trump’s basically the Pete Rose of social media.” — JIMMY FALLON“Oh, damn! A lifetime Twitter ban has got to sting. They took away his precious.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The only thing scarier than Donald Trump tweeting is Donald Trump not tweeting. It was a way for us to know where he was. It’s like when they put a bell on a cow.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“According to a senior administration official, when he found out, ‘the president went ballistic’ — a troubling description of the guy who still has the nuclear codes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now he’s just getting Kayleigh McEnany to write his tweets on poster board and hold them out by the underpass.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Many in Trumpland believe that it’s wrong to encourage a corporation to ban someone for their political statements. Which, oh wait — who was the guy who told the N.F.L. to ban the players who kneeled? Oh, that was Donald Trump? I guess that was different.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump started this year thinking he should be on Mount Rushmore, now he can’t even get on Instagram.” — JIMMY FALLON“Right now, Trump’s phone is stuffed into a pile of rice after being drenched with tears.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, in one weekend, Trump’s phone became a $2,000 flashlight.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJoss Stone sang “Walk With Me” on “The Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe actress Brie Larson will appear on Tuesday’s “A Little Late With Lily Singh.”Also, Check This OutReplacing longtime hosts like Bob Barker, left, of “The Price Is Right” and Alex Trebek of “Jeopardy!” can be a challenge.Credit…From left: CBS; Jeopardy ProductionsAlex Trebek is irreplaceable, but “Jeopardy!” can still survive, as other game shows have after losing iconic hosts.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Is Unimpressed by Titanic-Fleeing Republicans

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Is Unimpressed by Titanic-Fleeing Republicans “Resigning with two weeks left feels less like some moral stand and more like leaving early to beat traffic,” Jimmy Fallon said of the departing officials.Jan. 8, 2021, 2:05 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Sinking ShipThe late-night hosts were still reeling along with the rest of the country on Thursday, the day after a Trump-incited mob stormed the Capitol.“Well, guys, it’s been a pretty epic 24 hours,” Jimmy Fallon said at the top of “The Tonight Show.” “Joe Biden was certified as our next president, several staffers have resigned from the White House, Trump’s social media accounts were banned, and yet, compared to yesterday, it’s a slow news day.”“Since yesterday’s riot, resignations have poured in at the White House, and sources expect they’ll keep coming. Although resigning with two weeks left feels less like some moral stand and more like leaving early to beat traffic.” — JIMMY FALLON“My question is, how do you put in your two weeks’ notice when your job ends in less than two weeks?” — JIMMY FALLON“I’ve been watching the news, and these ‘experts’ keep saying ‘history will not look back kindly’ on the politicians who continue with this charade. As if those people care about history. Those people don’t even care about climate change. At this rate, we’ll be lucky if we even have a history for them to be ashamed of.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Last night marked the end of the longtime romance between Donald Trump and his golden Graham, Lindsey, who used his time before the Senate last night to issue a very public breakup.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Lindsey Graham said he and Trump ‘had a hell of a journey,’ but ‘enough is enough.’ And he decided not to give him the final rose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That was something to watch. I’d like to commend Senator Graham for this courageous act, two weeks after he called to try to get the Georgia secretary of state to change the election results. Now he’s appalled. But heroes come in many forms, folks.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And after that ugly day yesterday, President Trump’s mental state has now come into question, with one senior adviser saying Trump has, quote, ‘lost it.’ I’ve got to say, it’s very brave of Republicans to start speaking out against Trump only 99.9 percent of the way through his term in office. You know, not to quibble about this, but for someone to ‘lose it,’ first they must ‘possess it,’ mustn’t they?’ — JAMES CORDEN“People were comparing this big wave of resignations to rats fleeing the Titanic, but I really don’t think that’s fair. At one point, the Titanic actually had some direction. It was going somewhere.” — JAMES CORDEN“It makes sense, though. You want to get out into the job market before the Trump administration gets blocked on LinkedIn as well.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Blocked and Banned Edition)“Trump was suspended by Twitter. He’s blocked by Facebook and Instagram, too. Still on Match.com.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Well, yesterday we learned that if you incite a coup against the U.S. government, you will face up to 12 hours without a Twitter account.” — SETH MEYERS“Aside from his fear of removal or prosecution, maybe baby just wants his toy back, because Twitter locked the president’s account after his riot on Capitol Hill. Good to know Twitter is finally treating a violence-inciting fascist as harshly as a teenager who used seven seconds of an Imagine Dragons song.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He also got blocked from posting to Facebook and Instagram indefinitely. YouTube pulled his video address to the rioters, citing election misinformation, and Amazon banned him from ordering Pixy Stix because they get him too wound up before bedtime.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In other news, guess who doesn’t want to ban TikTok anymore.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJulien Baker performed her timely new song “Faith Healer” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMartin Scorsese and Fran Lebowitz, as seen in the new Netflix documentary series “Pretend It’s a City,” are longtime friends. “It’s about being around Fran,” said Scorsese, who directed the series.Credit…NetflixFran Lebowitz and Martin Scorsese reminisce about old New York in their new Netflix documentary series, “Pretend It’s a City.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Stephen Colbert Goes ‘Unexpectedly Live’

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightStephen Colbert Goes ‘Unexpectedly Live’“It’s a horrifying day that will go down in U.S. history, however much longer that is,” Colbert said after President Trump incited a mob of his supporters to storm the Capitol.“Who could have seen this coming? Everyone? Even dummies like me,” Stephen Colbert remarked of Wednesday’s angry pro-Trump mob.Credit…CBSJan. 7, 2021, 3:23 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.No Laughing MatterLate-night hosts got serious Wednesday after an angry, violent mob of Trump supporters stormed the Capitol, where lawmakers had convened for what is normally the routine certification of the presidential election results. Stephen Colbert went “unexpectedly live,” addressing the Republican leaders he deems responsible for supporting President Trump’s desperate attempts to overturn Joe Biden’s victory as well as his inflammatory rhetoric.[embedded content]“Hey, Republicans who supported this president — especially the ones in the joint session of Congress today — have you had enough? After five years of coddling this president’s fascist rhetoric, guess whose followers want to burn down the Reichstag?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Who could have seen this coming? Everyone? Even dummies like me. This is the most shocking, most tragic, least surprising thing I’ve ever seen.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“For years now, people have been telling you cowards that if you let the president lie about our democracy over and over and then join him in that lie and say he’s right when you know for a fact that he is not, there will be a terrible price to pay. But you just never thought you’d have to pay it, too.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I really do hope you’re enjoying those tax cuts — and those judges, because those judges are really going to be working hard. They’re going to be busy throwing these idiots in jail — and by ‘idiots’ I include the Republicans who let this happen. Like you, Senator Josh Hawley, raising your stupid fist to the mob outside the Capitol. Look at that — it’s like ‘Black Power’ but the opposite. There really should be a name for that. And, obviously, he has to keep his fist closed, because if he opened it, you’d see all the blood on his hands.” — STEPHEN COLBERTJimmy Fallon dispensed with jokes altogether, saying he wanted to help.“Being here tonight and talking to you at home and reassuring you that we’re going to be OK and that this is not what our country is about is how I can help,” he said.Fallon spent the top of the show speaking with Dan Rather, the former CBS News anchor, about the day’s events.James Corden said there was still reason for hope during what he called “the last dance at the worst party any of us have ever been to.”“The America that so many aspire to will be back,” he said. “It’s just been hijacked by a lunatic.”The Punchiest Punchlines (Treason Finale Edition)“Remember this morning the news was all saying Democrats now control the Senate? I’m going to say that report was a little premature. ‘The Late Show’ is ready to project Senate control has passed to Majority Leader Shirtless Freak in a Viking Hat.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Thank you for joining us for the treason finale of the Donald Trump era.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s a horrifying day that will go down in U.S. history, however much longer that is.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Capitol was besieged by MAGA-hatters in all manner of crazy costumes. It was like a psychotic ‘Price Is Right’ audience forcibly taking control of the ‘Plinko’ wheel.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s a very upsetting Paul Revere remix: ‘The red hats are coming! The red hats are coming!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And the wildest part is these MAGA marchers think Donald Trump cares about them. He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care about your wife or your job or your health care or the air you breathe, the water you drink. He cares about himself. And only about himself. Unless you were pushing a lawn mower, he wouldn’t let you into his golf club. He’d roll his limo right over you to get a Chick-fil-A sandwich.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He does not give a damn about you. He went home to watch it on TV. You’re just entertainment for him — and, of course, a steady stream of merchandise sales.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Anyway, this isn’t how any of this works. We don’t decide elections on who’s most upset; we decide them by who gets the most votes, portioned by state through a weird Electoral College that was instituted to maintain the political power of slave states. It’s a long story.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Come on, Republicans. Don’t go up to Capitol Hill for a government handout. Pull yourselves up by your own bootstraps and just work a little harder.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Remind me: Are we great again yet?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingDon Cheadle managed to talk a little bit about the return of his Showtime series “Black Monday” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe author Fran Lebowitz will tell Seth Meyers about her new Netflix series with Martin Scorsese on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutTed Danson, left, and Bobby Moynihan in “Mr. Mayor,” a new NBC sitcom created by Robert Carlock and Tina Fey.Credit…Mitchell Haddad/NBCTed Danson plays the titular role in “Mr. Mayor,” NBC’s new political satire from Tina Fey and Robert Carlock.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Wonders if Mike Pence Will Stand by His Man

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Wonders if Mike Pence Will Stand by His ManSeth Meyers joked that the vice president had to “choose between the Constitution and a sleazy mafia don cold-calling election officials illegally, begging for votes like a telemarketer.”Late-night hosts noted that Vice President Mike Pence’s role in certifying the election was purely ceremonial. “Pence can’t change the results any more than Vanna White can change the phrase on the board,” Seth Meyers joked.Credit…NBCJan. 6, 2021, 3:08 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Mike Pence, Glorified ‘Bingo Caller’Congress is convening on Wednesday to certify Joe Biden’s victory in the presidential election, and President Trump’s wish for Vice President Mike Pence, who will preside over the proceedings in a largely ceremonial role, to declare him the winner instead was a late-night talking point on Tuesday. Trump has been pressuring other officials as well, asking Georgia’s secretary of state over the weekend to “find” him enough votes to overturn the results.Seth Meyers said Pence would ultimately have to “choose between the Constitution and a sleazy mafia don cold-calling election officials illegally, begging for votes like a telemarketer.”“[Imitating Trump] ‘Hello, is this the secretary of state of Arizona? Are you happy with your internet service? What if I told you you could combine Wi-Fi and cable for the price of only 11,000 votes?” — SETH MEYERS“The vice president’s role is ceremonial. It’s like the Oscars. He basically opens the envelope and announces the name. But Trump wants him to pull a ‘La La Land.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Pence can’t change the results any more than Vanna White can change the phrase on the board.” — SETH MEYERS“Pence’s only role is to preside over the ballot count. He’s basically one step above a bingo caller.” — JIMMY FALLON“Poor Mike Pence. He hasn’t been this stressed out since the time he saw a woman in short sleeves.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If this were an after-school special, this is the part where we would tell Mike Pence that if the president says he won’t like you unless you give him what he wants, then he doesn’t really care about you. He should like you for who you are — although we understand why he wouldn’t, because who you are is Mike Pence.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The vice president can’t arbitrarily decide who’s the next president. Otherwise, in 2001, I’m going to guess Al Gore would have picked Al Gore.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Something tells me tomorrow morning, some very important Space Force business is going to come up that Mike Pence has to deal with personally.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Devil Down in Georgia Edition)“Last night the Devil came down to Georgia; he was lookin’ for a vote to steal.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump was in town, supposedly to support the Republican candidates. But, really, he was just there to be truthless to the toothless. Can you guess how long it took him to mention the election was rigged against him?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Wow, five seconds. Well, way longer than I expected.” — JIMMY FALLON“Oh, honey, move on. It’s over!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That has to be the fastest use of ‘by the way’ in any speech ever. You weren’t even on the way yet. Give yourself some runway, buddy.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump spoke for almost 90 minutes, and then he invited everyone on a scavenger hunt to find 12,000 more votes.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump would read ‘A Tale of Two Cities’ like [imitating Trump] ‘“It was the best of”— by the way, I am the best. Everyone says I’m the best.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe staff of “The Late Late Show” celebrated Diane Keaton’s birthday by dressing in their favorite Diane Keaton looks.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSamantha Bee will check in with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday night.Also, Check This OutThe comedian Lilly Singh on her personal basketball court at home in Los Angeles.Credit…Tracy Nguyen for The New York TimesIn addition to preparing for next Monday’s return of her late-night show “A Little Late,” the comedian Lilly Singh spent her weekend watching “Big Mouth” and reading The Skimm.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Returns in Time for Another Perfect Trump Call

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Returns in Time for Another Perfect Trump CallJust as the hosts’ holiday break was ending, President Trump asked Georgia’s secretary of state to “find” some more votes for him.“Now, now, buckle up everybody, because this call is like if Watergate and the Ukraine scandal had a baby that they made on the ‘Access Hollywood’ bus,” Stephen Colbert said. Credit…CBSJan. 5, 2021Updated 3:10 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Another Perfect CallThe late-night hosts returned from holiday break on Monday, and the leading topic was the recording of President Trump’s call with Georgia’s secretary of state, Brad Raffensperger, in which the president pressed the official to “find” enough votes to overturn his loss in the state. The fallout put the hosts in mind of another phone call that landed Mr. Trump in hot water in 2019.“Now, now, buckle up everybody, because this call is like if Watergate and the Ukraine scandal had a baby that they made on the ‘Access Hollywood’ bus,” Stephen Colbert said. “When you’re a star, they let you do it.”“He had another perfect call over the weekend.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He brought up all kind of crazy things — conspiracy theories he says he’s been hearing on what he calls ‘Trump media.’ It was the kind of call that makes you wonder, is he stupid or drunk? And then you remember he doesn’t drink.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump claimed, among many other things, that there is no way he could have lost Georgia because he had bigger crowds than Joe Biden. As if it was some kind of dueling monster truck shows.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“One problem: Rally size does not decide an election. That’s why on the 20th, we won’t be swearing in President BTS.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to the K-pop supergroup“The president of the United States sounded like an inveterate gambler begging his bookie to float him for one more race. [Imitating Trump] ‘I just need 11,000 bucks. I got a great horse. He’s a sure thing.’” — SETH MEYERS“Trump asked him to somehow find enough votes to flip Georgia, so that he would win the state by one vote. One vote. Trump was like, ‘Because if we’re going to do this, we can’t make it obvious.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s all he wants. He just wants them to ‘find’ exactly how many votes he needs to win by one. Nothing fishy about that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Trump’s call lasted for an hour, by the way. An hour. It was like one of his calls to ‘Fox & Friends’ except he actually cared what the other person had to say on this one.” — JIMMY FALLON“What a waste. Trump could have spent that hour not helping roll out the vaccine.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Worse Than Watergate Edition)“Carl Bernstein, the reporter who broke the Watergate scandal back in the ’70s, said what Trump said on this tape was, quote, ‘far worse than Watergate.’ But I guess Trump figures, ‘I’ve only got two weeks left — what the hell?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It doesn’t mean much to Trump. He thinks Watergate is about toilets not flushing hard enough.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, The Washington Post published an audio recording of President Trump asking the Georgia secretary of state to find enough votes to overturn his loss in the state. Wow, things have gotten a lot easier for The Post since they broke Watergate — now Deep Throat is just Trump himself.” — SETH MEYERS“Apparently every January, Trump’s New Year’s resolution is to find a new way to get impeached.” — JIMMY FALLON“He tried everything. He bragged, he challenged, he threatened. He told the secretary of state he would come to Georgia and eat all their peaches — nothing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s like a guy without a silver bullet brainstorming other ways to kill a werewolf. [As Trump] ‘What about two regular bullets? Is that something that might work?’” — SETH MEYERS“What you heard is definitely the voice of a man who’s been in debt before. He sounds like he’s begging the waiter at a steakhouse to let him skate on the bill.” — SETH MEYERS“It sounds like he’s trying to get someone to hook him up with a free refill of Dr Pepper, not a presidential election.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon spoofed Harry Styles’s latest music video, with Chloe Fineman of “Saturday Night Live” impersonating Phoebe Waller-Bridge, the creator and star of “Fleabag.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightElizabeth Olsen will promote her new Disney+ series, “WandaVision,” on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutTanya Roberts as Stacey Sutton, an earth scientist, in the 1985 James Bond film “A View to a Kill.” She had earlier starred in the last season of “Charlie’s Angels.”Credit…Keith Hamshere/Getty ImagesA miscommunication led to erroneous reports that the actress Tanya Roberts had died, her publicist said.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Watch Jimmy Kimmel Target Trump's 'Perfect' Georgia Call

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Returns in Time for Another Perfect Trump CallJust as the hosts’ holiday break was ending, President Trump asked Georgia’s secretary of state to “find” some more votes for him.“Now, now, buckle up everybody, because this call is like if Watergate and the Ukraine scandal had a baby that they made on the ‘Access Hollywood’ bus,” Stephen Colbert said.Credit…CBSJan. 5, 2021Updated 3:10 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Another Perfect CallThe late-night hosts returned from holiday break on Monday, and the leading topic was the recording of President Trump’s call with Georgia’s secretary of state, Brad Raffensperger, in which the president pressed the official to “find” enough votes to overturn his loss in the state. The fallout put the hosts in mind of another phone call that landed Mr. Trump in hot water in 2019.“Now, now, buckle up everybody, because this call is like if Watergate and the Ukraine scandal had a baby that they made on the ‘Access Hollywood’ bus,” Stephen Colbert said. “When you’re a star, they let you do it.”“He had another perfect call over the weekend.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He brought up all kind of crazy things — conspiracy theories he says he’s been hearing on what he calls ‘Trump media.’ It was the kind of call that makes you wonder, is he stupid or drunk? And then you remember he doesn’t drink.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump claimed, among many other things, that there is no way he could have lost Georgia because he had bigger crowds than Joe Biden. As if it was some kind of dueling monster truck shows.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“One problem: Rally size does not decide an election. That’s why on the 20th, we won’t be swearing in President BTS.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to the K-pop supergroup“The president of the United States sounded like an inveterate gambler begging his bookie to float him for one more race. [Imitating Trump] ‘I just need 11,000 bucks. I got a great horse. He’s a sure thing.’” — SETH MEYERS“Trump asked him to somehow find enough votes to flip Georgia, so that he would win the state by one vote. One vote. Trump was like, ‘Because if we’re going to do this, we can’t make it obvious.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s all he wants. He just wants them to ‘find’ exactly how many votes he needs to win by one. Nothing fishy about that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Trump’s call lasted for an hour, by the way. An hour. It was like one of his calls to ‘Fox & Friends’ except he actually cared what the other person had to say on this one.” — JIMMY FALLON“What a waste. Trump could have spent that hour not helping roll out the vaccine.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Worse Than Watergate Edition)“Carl Bernstein, the reporter who broke the Watergate scandal back in the ’70s, said what Trump said on this tape was, quote, ‘far worse than Watergate.’ But I guess Trump figures, ‘I’ve only got two weeks left — what the hell?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It doesn’t mean much to Trump. He thinks Watergate is about toilets not flushing hard enough.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, The Washington Post published an audio recording of President Trump asking the Georgia secretary of state to find enough votes to overturn his loss in the state. Wow, things have gotten a lot easier for The Post since they broke Watergate — now Deep Throat is just Trump himself.” — SETH MEYERS“Apparently every January, Trump’s New Year’s resolution is to find a new way to get impeached.” — JIMMY FALLON“He tried everything. He bragged, he challenged, he threatened. He told the secretary of state he would come to Georgia and eat all their peaches — nothing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s like a guy without a silver bullet brainstorming other ways to kill a werewolf. [As Trump] ‘What about two regular bullets? Is that something that might work?’” — SETH MEYERS“What you heard is definitely the voice of a man who’s been in debt before. He sounds like he’s begging the waiter at a steakhouse to let him skate on the bill.” — SETH MEYERS“It sounds like he’s trying to get someone to hook him up with a free refill of Dr Pepper, not a presidential election.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon spoofed Harry Styles’s latest music video, with Chloe Fineman of “Saturday Night Live” impersonating Phoebe Waller-Bridge, the creator and star of “Fleabag.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightElizabeth Olsen will promote her new Disney+ series, “WandaVision,” on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutTanya Roberts as Stacey Sutton, an earth scientist, in the 1985 James Bond film “A View to a Kill.” She had earlier starred in the last season of “Charlie’s Angels.”Credit…Keith Hamshere/Getty ImagesA miscommunication led to erroneous reports that the actress Tanya Roberts had died, her publicist said.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Compares Trump Health Adviser, Paul Alexander, to a Comic Book Villain

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Compares Trump Health Adviser, Paul Alexander, to a Comic Book VillainThe former Health and Human Services adviser’s leaked emails encouraged herd immunity to deal with the pandemic, writing of Americans, “We want them infected.”Stephen Colbert said on Thursday night that the Department of Health and Human Services should be changed to “the Department of Hell and Human Sacrifice.”Credit…CBSDec. 18, 2020, 1:48 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Department of Hell and Human Sacrifice’Stephen Colbert left his remote studio to interview President-elect Joe Biden and his wife, Dr. Jill Biden, together in Wilmington, Del., on Thursday night. But before their conversation, he weighed in on former Health and Human Services science adviser Paul Alexander’s leaked emails urging health officials to adopt a “herd immunity” approach to Covid-19.“If your plan to save humanity involves killing millions of people, you’re not a health adviser; you’re a Marvel villain.” — STEPHEN COLBERT[embedded content]Seth Meyers agreed with Colbert’s villainous assessment, taking issue with Alexander’s writing of Americans, “We want them infected.”“‘We want them infected.’ That is some real super villain [expletive] right there. I mean, Bane might say that, but even he wouldn’t put it down in an email.” — SETH MEYERS“Just think about how monstrous and sociopathic that is — they wanted people to get sick. I know in the Trump era, every news story lasts five minutes and our brains have all been turned to mush by the constant crush of insanity, but this story should never be forgotten. Anyone who enabled this should be held accountable for it. You can’t just let something like this go. You go through your spouse’s things and find a bunch of love letters to an ex saying, ‘I want my husband to die,’ you don’t just toss it in the trash and say, ‘Oh, well. Water under the bridge.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pushing Trump’s Buttons Edition)“In January, Atlantic City is blowing up a former Trump casino, and the highest bidder in a live auction will be the one to press the button. I say we hold Biden’s inauguration in Atlantic City, and then let him push the button.” — JIMMY FALLON“We should chip in and get this for Hillary Clinton, right?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know two seconds before they do it, Eric Trump is going to wander out of the front door like, ‘Is the event not inside?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, the easiest way to make a Trump casino implode is to just put Trump back in charge of running it again.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingDua Lipa and Jimmy Fallon performed “Christmas Is All Around,” better known as the song from the movie “Love Actually,” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutSome of television’s best moments of 2020 came in, clockwise from left, “Sherman’s Showcase,” “What We Do in the Shadows,” “Saturday Night Live” and “The Midnight Gospel.”Credit…Clockwise from top left, Michael Moriatis/IFC; Russ Martin/FX; Will Heath/NBC; NetflixThe best television episodes of 2020 include a dream dinner party on “Bojack Horseman,” election week’s celebratory “Saturday Night Live” and the beginning of the docuseries “The History of the Seattle Mariners, a Dorktown Special,” on SB Nation.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More