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      Some Republicans Finally Face ‘Their Biggest Fear: Reality,’ Colbert Says

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightSome Republicans Finally Face ‘Their Biggest Fear: Reality,’ Colbert SaysMitch McConnell’s congratulating Joe Biden on his victory in the election was big news among late-night hosts like Stephen Colbert.Stephen Colbert and others were pleased to see Senator Mitch McConnell and other Republicans acknowledge what they’ve known for weeks: Joe Biden won the election.Credit…CBSDec. 16, 2020Updated 2:44 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Wow, No Hurry, Mitch’Late-night hosts took great pleasure in Republicans like the Senate majority leader, Mitch McConnell, finally acknowledging Joe Biden’s election win on Tuesday.“The Trump train has a lot of empty seats,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.Stephen Colbert echoed his sentiments, saying that with the Electoral College result, “some Republicans have been forced to face their biggest fear: reality.”“McConnell said, ‘As of this morning, our country officially has a president-elect,’ as if we hadn’t had one for the 40 more days before that.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And you know Trump’s luck has run out now that Mitch McConnell has conceded the election, because forget Putin — if Mitch can’t find a way to subvert American democracy, then it just can’t be done.” — TREVOR NOAH“Wow, no hurry, Mitch. What else did you formally recognize, Alaskan statehood?” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, McConnell told Biden and Harris congrats, and then said, ‘I’m looking forward to making your next four years a living nightmare.’” — JIMMY FALLONBarr Beats the TrafficBill Barr’s resignation as attorney general was also big news on the late-night shows, and Seth Meyers was a tad verklempt.“Attorney General Bill Barr resigned yesterday, and I didn’t expect this, but I’m a little — I’m a little emotional about it. No, wait, nope. That was tear gas.” — SETH MEYERS“President Trump tweeted yesterday, ‘Just had a very nice meeting with Attorney General Bill Barr at the White House. Our relationship has been a very good one. He has done an outstanding job,’ which Twitter immediately flagged.” — SETH MEYERS“Bill Barr has resigned as attorney general, as opposed to before, when Barr was simply resigned to his fate of defending every stupid thing that Donald Trump has ever said.” — JAMES CORDEN“Seriously, Barr is quitting now? That’s like waiting until the last five minutes of ‘The Emoji Movie’ to walk out of the theater.” — JIMMY FALLON“Maybe now he’ll have time to finally read that Mueller Report.” — JAMES CORDEN“That’s right, Barr is leaving before Christmas to spend holidays with his family. Americans heard and were like, ‘Yeah, we all do that, but then we come back to work.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Barr and Trump — they couldn’t have been that close. They couldn’t have been close because otherwise Barr would have gotten coronavirus.” — JAMES CORDEN“Yes, Bill Barr has officially resigned, which surprised some people because for a long time, it seemed like he was ride or die with Trump. He whitewashed the Mueller Report, he protected Trump’s cronies, he even reportedly ordered peaceful protesters to be tear-gassed just so that Trump could walk over to a church and wave a Bible next to it. And when the White House chef prepared brussels sprouts, Barr would hide under the table so Trump could feed them to him.” — TREVOR NOAH“But Trump also wanted Barr to overturn the election results, and Barr wouldn’t do that. So one of two things has happened here: Either Barr quit because Trump became too bat[expletive] crazy even for him, or Trump fired Barr because he’s not bat[expletive] crazy enough to roll in this White House. Either way, this works out the best for Barr, because everyone is heading out on January 20, so this way, at least Bill Barr’s beating the traffic.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Ready for Contact Edition)“This must have been a punch in the McRib. Joe Biden got a congratulatory message from Trump’s KGBFF. Sugar Vladi Putin put out a statement acknowledging Biden’s victory. He said, ‘For my part I’m ready for cooperation and contacts with you,’ which will be easy because Russia just hacked all of our contacts.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But wait, if Putin’s offering a congratulatory handshake to Joe Biden, then what is Trump eating pellets out of?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“‘I am ready for interaction and contacts with you’? Putin doesn’t sound human; he sounds like a self-checkout at CVS: ‘Ready for interaction. Please to place item in the bag.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And, hey, even Vladimir Putin knows it’s over. And if someone who has had that much Botox can accept reality, you can, too.” — SETH MEYERS“‘I am ready for interaction and contacts with you.’ That’s actually what Mike Pence said on his honeymoon.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, guys, what a weird phrase: ‘I am ready for interaction and contacts with you.’ Sounds like Mike Pence getting frisky.” — TREVOR NOAH“Putin reached out to Biden. He was, like, ‘Send me everyone’s contact info. Oops, I already have. Heh, heh, heh.’ Then he said, ‘Send me everyone’s Netflix passwords. Oops, I already have, too.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Not a great look for Senate Republicans when the guy who interfered in our election is like [imitating Putin]: ‘Come on, he won. At a certain point, you guys are poisoning democracy, and not in the right way — with poison.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Even Putin recognized Biden’s win. That’s a tough break for Trump. In just a few days, his Supreme Court and his supreme leader went against him.” — JIMMY FALLON“I think Putin is relieved Trump is out. All day long he’s been singing, ‘Since you’ve been gone, I can breathe for the first time.’” — JIMMY FALLON“As if the news wasn’t bad enough for Trump, moments later, Rudy Giuliani popped into the Oval Office like, ‘Don’t worry boss, you still got me.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“Wonder Woman 1984” star Kristen Wiig nailed the mimic challenge on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightTom Hanks will check in with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe Blockbuster Video store in Bend, Ore., featured in the documentary “The Last Blockbuster.”Credit…1091 PicturesThe new documentary “The Last Blockbuster” reflects on the legacy of the home video chain and the industry as a whole.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Is Ready to Take Jabs

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best MoviesBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest TheaterBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Is Ready to Take Jabs“That’s right, people all across America are lining up for shots,” Jimmy Fallon said on Monday. “Normally, when that happens here in December, we call it SantaCon.”“What a moment for the country,” Jimmy Fallon said on Monday. “Right now, enthusiasm for the vaccine is somewhere between the new PS5 and the McRib.”Credit…NBCDec. 15, 2020, 2:03 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Shots, Shots, Shots, Shots!Late-night hosts celebrated on Monday what Trevor Noah referred to as the one thing Americans have been waiting for since March: “No, not Rihanna’s album — the vaccine.”“What a moment for the country,” Jimmy Fallon said, echoing the excitement. “Right now, enthusiasm for the vaccine is somewhere between the new PS5 and the McRib.”[embedded content]“This is the most excited I’ve been to watch someone else’s doctor appointment since Evel Knievel got a routine physical over Snake River Canyon.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But today was really special. Usually if I want to see people on TV who’ve gotten injections, I have to watch Bravo.” — JIMMY FALLON“Plus, they unveiled the brand-new post-shot sticker: ‘Crushing Covid-19, got my vaccine.’ A much better rhyme than 1885’s ‘Immune from cholera, now back to a life of squalor-a.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The first Covid vaccine in the U.S. has been given. It was a little less exciting when the nurse was handed a bill for 50 grand, but still.” — JIMMY FALLON“The very first dose went to a critical-care nurse in New York. Needless to say, her Tinder is blowing up.” — JAMES CORDEN“This must be what it felt like watching the moon landing. It was a historic scientific achievement that you just know a bunch of idiot jabronis are going to say was faked.” — SETH MEYERS“You know that 2020 has been weird because I’m looking at a person in a face mask getting injected and I’m thinking, ‘I cannot wait for that to be me.’” — JAMES CORDEN“I read that the vaccine needs to be stored at ultracold temperatures, around negative 100 degrees. In response, UPS workers looked at their shorts and said, ‘Yeah, it seems like more of a FedEx thing.’” — JIMMY FALLON“You realize this time next week, we’re all going to be back in the club, like, ‘Shots, shots, shots, shots — in my arm, please!’” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s right, people all across America are lining up for shots. Normally when that happens here in December, we call it SantaCon.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Huge if Still True Edition)“Huge news. Just moments before tonight’s taping, the Electoral College officially certified that Joe Biden won the 2020 presidential election — again. He did it; he’s still the winner!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Great, the guy hasn’t even taken office yet, but his election victory is already in its second term. We’re going to be seeing articles about Biden fatigue before Christmas.” — SETH MEYERS“This is a relief. I would hate to start another week of shows without talking about the same election results we’ve all known for the last month and a half.” — JAMES CORDEN“At this point, Joe Biden has won the election so many times, he’s our 46th through 51st president.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is also big news because this means after six agonizing weeks, the election is finally over. Stick a fork in the president; he’s done. Also, keep that fork handy because poking him in the butt might be the only way to get him out of the White House.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingMegan Thee Stallion performed a Santa-inspired remix of her hit song “Savage” on Monday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightAlanis Morissette will perform on Tuesday night’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutNat Wolff in the coming version of the Stephen King novel “The Stand,” which includes a new ending written by King.Credit…Robert Falconer/CBSStephen King reflects on small-screen adaptations of his horror stories, from “It” to an updated take of “The Stand.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Jimmy Fallon: Trump’s Hanukkah Party Was a ‘Festival of Lies’

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best MoviesBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest TheaterBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightJimmy Fallon: Trump’s Hanukkah Party Was a ‘Festival of Lies’“Even the dreidel was looking at Trump like, ‘Damn, this guy spins more than I do,’” Fallon joked on Wednesday.Jimmy Fallon thought it was a good thing Trump stayed on brand and spoke about the election at the party, saying, “I feel like him winging the story of Hanukkah would have been worse.”Credit…NBCDec. 11, 2020Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Spinning False TalesPresident Trump attended a crowded Hanukkah party at the White House on Wednesday, where, Stephen Colbert noted, he “greeted his guests and spoke about the true meaning of this beautiful religious holiday” — once again falsely claiming he had won the election.“Ah, yes, the festival of lies,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”[embedded content]“Even the dreidel was looking at Trump like, ‘Damn, this guy spins more than I do.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I like how everyone whipped out their phones to record Trump, like it was a drunken fight in a Waffle House.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s probably good that Trump talked about the election. I feel like him winging the story of Hanukkah would have been worse. It’s like, ‘For eight nights, Jewish Santa would visit all the good little Kushners.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Now, that might seem like a pathetic old man clinging to past glory, but his claims of election fraud actually have a lot in common with Hanukkah — they both involve a mysterious, endless supply of oil.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Facebook Edition)“Oh, big Facebook news! No, your old friends from camp haven’t stopped being mad that you didn’t show up to the Zoom reunion.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Remember how back in the day we all had that cousin, you know, that cousin home from college who was like, ‘I’m not giving the corporations my private photos!’ and most of us were like, ‘Man, we get what you’re saying, but you’re also a vegan.’ But now, more and more, the rest of us are like, ‘Huh, maybe I shouldn’t have given big tech a perfect scan of my face so they can recognize me wherever I go on the planet.’” — TREVOR NOAH“Yes, it’s just like Monopoly except every time you pass go, instead of getting $200, Zuckerberg sells your data to a Moldovan spam farm.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And can I just say, I’m very impressed that so many government officials are willing to come out against Facebook, especially when you consider how much Facebook knows about them.” — TREVOR NOAH“So the F.T.C. is saying that Facebook must be broken up. To be clear, Facebook has not been broken up yet, but it has changed its status to ‘It’s complicated.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What’s amazing to me is that, even though America is so divided right now, almost every state agrees that something needs to be done about big tech. And, look, whatever the merits of this particular lawsuit, the fact that it was brought at all should be a warning for Facebook, because if what you’re doing is so egregious that you’re bringing California and Mississippi together, you done [expletive] up.” — TREVOR NOAH“Of course, if Facebook does break up, it faces the daunting task of going through and manually untagging all the photos of it together.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So Facebook could be in real trouble, which seems crazy, since they look so happy in all those pics they post. Their life is definitely way better than mine.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingLil Nas X joined Jimmy Fallon’s Santa for a new holiday classic, “Santa vs. Santa Nas X.”Also, Check This OutCredit…Jessica Lehrman for The New York Times“The Queen’s Gambit” has inspired more women to take up chess, including Beth Behrs.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Lampoons Giuliani, ‘America’s Sprayer’

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best MoviesBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest TheaterBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Lampoons Giuliani, ‘America’s Sprayer’“Sadly, this Covid test is the only positive thing to come out of Rudy Giuliani in four years,” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Monday.“We may look back and see that he gave his life to overturn the results of this election,” Jimmy Kimmel said of Rudy Giuliani, President Trump’s frequently maskless lawyer.Credit…ABCBy More

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      Who’ll Be Pardoned for What? Stephen Colbert Invites You to Guess

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusClassic Holiday MoviesHoliday TVBest Netflix DocumentariesAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightWho’ll Be Pardoned for What? Stephen Colbert Invites You to GuessColbert made a game out of the speculation about presidential pardons: “You have to match the person to their crime, and there are no wrong answers.” Stephen Colbert mused about what Trump associates might be pardoned for: “Jared Kushner has long been suspected of shady financial dealings. Plus he’s obviously Slender Man.”Credit…CBSBy More