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      Trevor Noah: Marjorie Taylor Greene Deleted Her Browser History IRL

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightTrevor Noah: Marjorie Taylor Greene Deleted Her Browser History IRLThe congresswoman disavowed some of her outlandish statements. But Noah says she’s “so crazy that her saying that 9/11 happened makes me go, ‘Wait, did it?’”“Looks like someone started listening to the reasonable voices in her head,” Trevor Noah said after Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene said she regretted endorsing QAnon conspiracy theories.Credit…Comedy CentralFeb. 5, 2021, 2:42 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Greene House EffectHouse Democrats voted on Thursday to strip Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene of her committee assignments, while House Republicans chose to stick by her after she expressed remorse for past comments about 9/11 and school shootings. She blamed her past support for QAnon on misinformation that she found on the internet.“Wow, I’ve never seen someone try to delete their browser history in real life,” Trevor Noah remarked.“Yes, people: Marjorie Taylor Greene has been kicked off her committees. But if you think about it, this is a pretty sweet deal for Greene. Basically, her punishment for acting insane was to do less work for the same amount of money.” — TREVOR NOAH“But if she’s not in charge of education, who’s going to tell all those students that there never really was a shooting?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And, honestly, I think kicking her off these committees could actually backfire. The last thing you want to do with a crazy person is give them time to be crazy. That’s why they should put her on all the committees — then you’ll never hear from her again.” — TREVOR NOAH“Online, Greene also has endorsed the idea of executing Democratic leaders. Kind of a bad look when you’re OK with your new co-workers getting murdered: ‘Hey guys, I cannot wait to join the team. Tell you what, I’m going to cut your hamstring and give you a 30-minute head start before I hunt you with a crossbow.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Looks like someone started listening to the reasonable voices in her head. Although, this woman is so crazy that her saying that 9/11 happened makes me go, ‘Wait, did it?’” — TREVOR NOAH“You know what? This may come as a surprise to you, but those of us who watched those buildings burn with our bare eyes here in the New York City area are not that impressed with your willingness to admit that it happened. I believe we as a nation promised to ‘always remember’ it happened. What’s her bumper sticker say, ‘9/11 — oops, I forgot’”?— STEPHEN COLBERT“All right, well, at least now we know 9/11 happened. Can you imagine having to go in front of the House of Representatives to say 9/11 happened? Yeah, we know. We know it happened. You’re the crazy one, not us.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, my God, thank you, it is so big of you to admit that. What else would you like to clarify? ‘[Imitating Greene] I would also like to make clear that “Inception” is just a movie, “RoboCop” is not real, and the giant glowing orb in the sky is, in fact, the moon and not a secret sky bank where Bill Gates keeps all his gold bars.’” — SETH MEYERS“But, hey, I’m glad that she’s come around to the standard Republican belief that school shootings are real and that nothing should be done to stop them.” — TREVOR NOAH“But, yes, you see, it’s all Facebook’s fault for ‘allowing’ her to believe in those things. So don’t blame her — blame Mark Zuckerberg, with his social media lies and his space lasers.” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s right, the woman who started impeachment proceedings against Joe Biden the day he took office is calling for unity now. The congresswoman who wants to execute Nancy Pelosi is right. We need to come together, and the media is just as guilty as QAnon! That’s like saying Jell-O is just as guilty as Bill Cosby.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The worst part of this, she has still not been reprimanded in any official way by fellow Republicans in the House. In fact, they gave her a standing ovation yesterday. Some of them, not all of them. Some of them didn’t want to stand up for fear they could be targeted by Jewish space lasers.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Now, look, man, Marjorie Taylor Greene isn’t the first person to believe things that she read on the internet. But her defense isn’t really reassuring because, basically, what she’s saying is, ‘Yes, up until now, I believed that school shootings were fake, 9/11 didn’t happen and that Jewish space lasers blew up California. But that’s only because I am incapable of separating fantasy from reality. So let’s do the right thing and let me go back to making laws.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (You Can’t Fire Me, I Quit Edition)“After the Screen Actors Guild criticized Trump last month, today he sent a letter saying that he’s quitting the union. Trump’s out of work and just quit his union — even worse, now if he wants medical coverage, he’s got to sign up for Obamacare.” — JIMMY FALLON“He sent them a scathingly stupid letter that begins, ‘I write to you regarding the so-called disciplinary committee hearing aimed at revoking my union membership. Who cares?’ Oh, I know! The guy who took the time to write a letter, who also has skin so thin it makes phyllo dough like Kevlar?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So he’s now out of the actors’ union. That’s too bad — I was positive he was going to be the next James Bond.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Meanwhile, Melania heard and was like, ‘Um, Donald, while we’re on the subject of leaving unions.’” — JIMMY FALLON“One day you’re the most powerful man on earth, the next you’re bragging about your one line in ‘Home Alone 2.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingTom Brady participated in a special pre-Super Bowl, all-Brady edition of Mean Tweets.Also, Check This OutThe showrunners of “Superstore” felt a responsibility to show the pandemic’s impact on retail employees.Credit…Trae Patton/NBCTelevision shows now in production are trying to predict whether viewers will want to see the reality of the pandemic reflected onscreen, or if they’d prefer a distraction instead.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Trevor Noah Loves Seeing Newsmax Shook

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightTrevor Noah Loves Seeing Newsmax ShookThe “Daily Show” host said the threat of a defamation lawsuit forced anchors at the right-wing news site into “behaving like actual journalists.”Noah said NewsMax is taking the threat of a defamation lawsuit more seriously than an insurrection.Credit…Comedy CentralFeb. 4, 2021, 2:16 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.All Shook UpLate-night hosts on Wednesday took up the case of Mike Lindell, the chief executive of MyPillow and a staunch Trump supporter, who has made baseless claims of widespread election fraud involving Dominion Voting Systems, a voting machine vendor. When he made those same accusations this week on Newsmax, the anchor Bob Sellers tried to shut the interview down and then walked off camera, as Lindell’s comments were a legal concern for the conservative news network.Trevor Noah explained that in January, “Dominion finally told Newsmax, ‘Yo, if you don’t get our name out of your mouth, we’re going to sue your channel 349 [expletive] network into oblivion.’ And based on what happened yesterday, when Lindell tried to go back on Newsmax, the network is taking that threat seriously.”“Damn, that defamation lawsuit has Newsmax shook. See that dude? He peaced out of there like the Chipotle just hit.” — TREVOR NOAH“But you see, that’s the power of the courts right there, because Mike Lindell tried to stage a coup and Newsmax was fine with inviting him on. But the second he started saying [expletive] that was going to get them sued, all of a sudden they were like, ‘No, no, no, no, my man. Overthrowing the government is one thing, but a lawsuit? That [expletive]’s serious.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And keep in mind, this is Newsmax we’re talking about. Remember, Newsmax is like Fox News after it stopped taking its meds. But at least for a minute, Dominion managed to sue them into behaving like actual journalists.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yesterday, Lindell went on right-wing, news-free news channel Newsmax, which used to be all-in on the Dominion lie, but since receiving a letter from Dominion’s flesh-eating attorneys, has disavowed that, because according to their statement, ‘We here at Newsmax are committed to keeping some of our money.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What did they expect? They invited a pillow magnate to talk about how Twitter banned him for spouting insane conspiracy theories and then they were all shocked when he started spouting insane conspiracy theories.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Usually you see the guests storm off, but never the anchor. Where do you even go after that? That’s like trying to storm out of a meeting in your own office.” — SETH MEYERS“Also, I’ve got to ask: Does MyPillow actually work? Because this guy looks like he hasn’t slept in a year.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Golden Globes Edition)“This morning, the nominations for the Golden Globes were announced. This year’s Golden Globes should be exciting because thanks to the pandemic, people actually saw all the nominees.” — JIMMY FALLON“I’m not surprised Netflix had so many nominations, especially with some of the new categories like ‘Best show about an Emily in Paris.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, who is having a better year than Netflix? I mean, even Purell is jealous.” — JIMMY FALLON“It was a big day for all of the streaming networks like Netflix, Amazon and Hulu. Meanwhile, NBC is like, ‘Why are we hosting this again?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, NBC only had one Golden Globe nomination. When they heard that, CBS, Fox and ABC were like, ‘Wow, what’s your secret?’” — JIMMY FALLON“And this is great: Sacha Baron Cohen was nominated for ‘Borat 2,’ while his co-star Rudy Giuliani is being given a lifetime impeachment award.” — JIMMY FALLON“Sacha Baron Cohen was nominated for Best Actor for his movie ‘Borat Subsequent Moviefilm,’ but poor Rudy Giuliani was snubbed for his brilliant turn, acting like he was just tucking in his shirt.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“For the first time in Globes history, more of its Best Director noms went to women than to men. It’s the greatest show of support the entertainment industry has given to women since Monday, when someone tried to change the sign to ‘Hollyboob.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And for the first time ever, there are more female directors nominated than male directors, which will make it especially painful when the Globe is given to a male director.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Now unfortunately, there were also some glaring snubs, including a complete shutout in the Best Drama category for Black-led films like Spike Lee’s ‘Da 5 Bloods’ and George C. Wolfe’s ‘Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom.’ Once again, Black filmmakers get the shaft, which is doubly insulting, since there’s already at least five ‘Shafts.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee dove deep into the latest with Reddit users, Robinhood and the “stonk” market.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe performance artist and influencer Alok Vaid-Menon will appear on Thursday’s “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”Also, Check This OutAnya Taylor-Joy, who was nominated for her roles in “The Queen’s Gambit” and “Emma.”Credit…Phil Bray/NetflixNetflix dominates this year’s Golden Globes with 42 nominations for films and series such as “Mank,” “The Queen’s Gambit,” “The Crown,” “The Trial of the Chicago 7” and “Ratched.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Trump’s Being Impeached Again, So It Must Be Groundhog Day

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightTrump’s Being Impeached Again, So It Must Be Groundhog Day“His lawyers just copied and pasted his defense from the last impeachment: Control-F ‘Ukraine,’ replace with ‘riot,’” Jimmy Fallon said.“I’m just glad we’re still holding up wild rodents,” Jimmy Fallon said of the Groundhog Day festivities in Pennsylvania. “Clearly, we’ve learned a lot about public health from the pandemic.”Credit…NBCFeb. 3, 2021, 2:17 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Someone Sees His Shadow“Well, guys, it must be Groundhog Day because we’re living through Trump’s impeachment again,” Jimmy Fallon said on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Fallon and most of the other late-night hosts delved into the House Democrats’ brief alleging that former President Donald Trump was “singularly responsible” for the Capitol riot last month. Rudy Giuliani was heartbroken, according to Fallon: “Singularly responsible? What — what am I, chopped cigars?”“This morning, House Democrats released their trial brief, which argues ‘the former president is singularly responsible for the violence and destruction that unfolded in our seat of government on January 6,’ as he ‘summoned a mob to Washington, exhorted them into a frenzy, and aimed them like a loaded cannon down Pennsylvania Avenue.’ Yes, they were in a frenzy, and by the look of it, some of them were clearly loaded.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“After that, Trump’s legal team filed a brief that claims that he isn’t responsible. It wasn’t that hard to write. His lawyers just copied and pasted his defense from the last impeachment: Control-F ‘Ukraine,’ replace with ‘riot.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The brief opens with a simple timeline of the facts: The president refuses to accept the results of the 2020 election, the president incites insurrectionists to attack the Capitol, insurrectionists incited by the president attack the Capitol, the president is derelict of duty during the attack. OK, that checks out. He is a derelict, and they smeared the Capitol with doody.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The disgraced former president’s team argued that he cannot be convicted by the Senate, because he is no longer in office. So, OK, once you leave a job, you’re immune from prosecution? ‘Cannibalism? Nice try, your honor, but I don’t even work at White Castle anymore.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“On the very first page of their first legal filing, they wrote, ‘to the honorable members of the Unites States Senate.’ They misspelled ‘United States.’ And we’re off!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There was actually a typo on the first page of the Trump brief, but I’m sure it was a long, complicated legal term. Nope, it’s just — just the name of our country, that’s it.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yes, the ‘Unites States Senate,’ both Republicarnts and Democrabs.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Punxsutawney Edition)“You know how we keep saying that every day in this pandemic feels like Groundhog Day? Well, today it really did.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Pennsylvania groundhog Punxsutawney Phil today saw his shadow, which in Covid times means six more weeks of February.” — SETH MEYERS“I’m just glad we’re still holding up wild rodents. Clearly, we’ve learned a lot about public health from the pandemic.” — JIMMY FALLON“But it seems Punxsutawney Phil has been spending lockdown like the rest of us, because he came out in stretchy pants eating a tube of cookie dough.” — JIMMY FALLON“For the love of God, Phil. I can’t take it! I don’t want to be stuck inside six more weeks staring at snow outside the window. I am ready to be stuck inside staring at rain outside the window.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I know you think it’s just a cute little tradition, but I don’t know if you’ve noticed, the rest of us are out here in a life-or-death battle over anti-science psychopaths taking over our government. So it really doesn’t help our case that we’re out here using animals to predict the weather, because it’s hard to make fun of Marjorie Taylor Greene and her Jewish space lasers while you supposed blue staters are wearing top hats and gathering around a hole in the ground waiting to find out if you can book tee times based on which way a woodchuck scurries.” — SETH MEYERS“I’m all for this nonpolitical news, but this whole thing is getting a little silly, isn’t it? I mean, top hats and scrolls, wall-to-wall coverage? It’s a groundhog; it’s not a royal wedding. Biden’s inauguration didn’t get this much attention.” — JIMMY FALLON“Due to the pandemic, instead of any groundhog groupies, the audience was packed with cardboard cutouts. Well, then that means there were no proper witnesses. I demand a hand recount of the groundhog. Stop the shadow! Storm Gobbler’s Knob!” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah talked about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Instagram Live detailing the congresswoman’s terrifying experience during the riot at the Capitol.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe dancer, singer and hair bow aficionado JoJo Siwa will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutMaria Garcia, the host and creator of “Anything for Selena,” in El Paso, where she was raised.Credit…Ivan Pierre Aguirre for The New York TimesThe “Anything for Selena” podcast celebrates the Tejano singer Selena’s continuing impact on popular culture.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Trump’s New Lawyers Represent Him Well, Says Late Night

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightTrump’s New Lawyers Represent Him Well, Says Late Night“My God, who on Earth would hire Jeffrey Epstein’s defense lawyer?” Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “Oh, Jeffrey Epstein’s wingman? Yeah, that makes sense.”Stephen Colbert joked that former President Donald J. Trump “cruised some dark alleys of the legal world” to find new lawyers for his impeachment defense team.Credit…CBSFeb. 2, 2021, 2:29 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Rats Fleeing a Sinking Rat’Former President Donald J. Trump lost five lawyers from his legal defense team over the weekend, just more than a week before his second impeachment trial.“There was something lawyers wouldn’t do for money,” Stephen Colbert joked on Monday night. “That is rats fleeing a sinking rat.”“He wanted his lawyers to make the case that he won the election and they quit, so this should be fun.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, Trump and his lawyers disagreed on strategy. Apparently Trump got upset when they wanted to have one.” — JIMMY FALLON“Aha, the brilliant legal strategy of pointing out to the jury how motivated you were to commit the crime.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“At this rate, Trump’s going to be the first president to show up to his impeachment trial with a public defender.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump suddenly found himself without any legal representation, which is still a huge improvement over being represented by Rudy Giuliani.” — JAMES CORDEN“Trump was furious — not that they quit, that he couldn’t fire them on Twitter.” — JIMMY FALLON“A source close to the ex-president described it as a ‘mutual decision.’ Oh, totally mutual! ‘No, Carol did not divorce me — we divorced me. We also agreed that the lawn was the perfect place for all my shirts.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTBut Trump didn’t go without for long. On Sunday, Colbert said, “the former president cruised some dark alleys of the legal world and scooped up two new lawyers,” Bruce Castor and David Schoen.“Now these guys have a lot in common. When he was a Pennsylvania D.A. in 2005, Castor declined to prosecute Bill Cosby as part of a ‘secret agreement,’ although it is possible Castor did not know, and Cosby just dropped the secret agreement into his drink.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Meanwhile, days before Jeffrey Epstein died, Schoen actually met with the accused child sex trafficker about ‘joining his defense.’ My God, who on earth would hire Jeffrey Epstein’s defense lawyer? Oh, Jeffrey Epstein’s wingman? Yeah, that makes sense.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What, was the guy who defended Saddam Hussein not available?” — JIMMY FALLON“I mean, even Rudy Giuliani thought, ‘You’re going with these guys?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Vaccine Dodgers Edition)“The only snowflakes we had here in L.A. this weekend were the ones blocking the vaccine line at Dodger Stadium.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Whatever their reason, they gathered at the entrance to Dodger Stadium for what they called a ‘scamdemic protest march.’ They blocked traffic; they delayed the vaccinations for about an hour. Now see, this is where we really miss Tommy Lasorda. He would have cleared that mess out in about a minute.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Whoa, these people in L.A. had to sit in their cars for an hour. How did they notice?” — TREVOR NOAH“For Pete’s sake, it takes two hours just to change lanes on the 405.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The protest organizers wanted people to be open to their message, so they urged attendees to ‘refrain from wearing MAGA attire, as we want our statement to resonate with the sheeple.’ Yeah, the ones getting the vaccine are the sheeple — ‘Now everyone hide the matching hats we bought from our bankrupt casino god-king!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right. These doofuses with their homemade signs saying ‘Bill Gates is controlled by Satan’ are like, ‘Take off that MAGA hat or they’ll think we’re nuts.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If you don’t want a vaccine, then don’t get one. I don’t agree with you, but don’t ruin it for everyone else. Like, we don’t come interrupt you when you’re busy dying of measles.” — TREVOR NOAH“Here’s what I don’t understand — why does it always have to be the most ridiculous people who are the most fired up? Like why can’t anti-vaxxers be like those Instagram models were last summer, you know? Where they just post a black square on Instagram one day and never bring up vaccines again?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Slave Play” playwright Jeremy O. Harris appeared on “The Daily Show,” discussing how Covid has devastated the theater industry.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightZendaya will catch up with Colbert on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutSophie’s fascinations with the musicality of hyper-feminized speech and the plasticky found-materials of late-capitalist consumer culture made their way into her music.Credit…Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for CoachellaThe late Sophie was a progressive performer and producer who worked with artists from Madonna to Charli XCX in her short but influential career. Here are 12 of her essential songs.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Stephen Colbert Is Thrilled to Have a President With a Plan

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightStephen Colbert Is Thrilled to Have a President With a Plan“Yesterday, President Biden announced a dramatic change to America’s Covid plan: There is one,” Colbert said on Wednesday.Stephen Colbert is optimistic that by Halloween, “the hottest costume is going to be sexy normal people saying hello. They’re sexy, because they can touch hands.”Credit…CBSJan. 28, 2021, 2:33 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Plan B(iden)“Yesterday, President Biden announced a dramatic change to America’s Covid plan: There is one,” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday night.Late-night hosts shared their enthusiasm about Biden’s promise that vaccination production and distribution will be ramping up.“That means February 2 — next week, Groundhog’s Day — Punxsutawney Phil can come out of his burrow and get vaccinated and stay within six feet of his shadow.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“On his first day in office, the president signed an order requiring masks in federal buildings and on federal lands. Then on his second day, Biden signed another order mandating masks in airports and on many planes, trains, ships and buses. And then on the third day, he just yelled ‘Let’s get loud!’ and took the rest of the day off.” — SAMANTHA BEE“The most exciting news: The federal government is buying enough additional doses to vaccinate 300 million Americans by the end of the summer. So next Halloween, you know the hottest costume is going to be sexy normal people saying hello. They’re sexy, because they can touch hands.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Fortunately, some states have recently changed their laws so more people are eligible to give shots. In New York, for example, that list now includes pharmacists, dentists and podiatrists. But still no-late night hosts, which is weird, considering how I’ve been consistently injecting giggles into the soul of America for five years now.” — SAMANTHA BEEThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Number Two Test Edition)“China has rolled out an anal swab coronavirus test, saying it’s more accurate than the throat method. It’s more accurate, but it’s still being called the number two test.” — JIMMY FALLON“So this is what they meant when they said the pandemic was finally starting to turn around.” — JAMES CORDEN“You know what? There’s a point at which I would rather just have the coronavirus.” — TREVOR NOAH“The plus side is with testing like this, you might not even need a vaccine. You just tell people, ‘Hey, we’re not having lockdowns, but every time you leave your apartment, some stranger’s going to shove a Q-Tip up your butt.’ We’ll be done with corona in, like, two weeks.” — TREVOR NOAH“They’re saying that the science shows that these swabs are more accurate than other forms of swab. The only trick is finding the right position to hang your butt out the window of your car.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And for even more accuracy, they do a nasal swab and an anal swab until they touch in the middle.” — JIMMY FALLON“We wanted to test people that way here at Television City, but CBS pooh-poohed it.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth Watching“Jimmy Kimmel Live” celebrated the 50th birthday of Guillermo, Kimmel’s beloved parking lot security guard turned onscreen sidekick.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightTerry Gross, the host of NPR’s “Fresh Air,” will appear on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe actress Cloris Leachman in 1974. She won accolades and an Academy Award for her dramatic work, but comedy was her forte.Credit…George Brich/Associated PressThe late Cloris Leachman will be remembered for a lengthy film and TV career, from “The Last Picture Show” to “Malcolm in the Middle.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More