More stories

  • in

    Late Night Shares the Stage With Climate Change

    Seven hosts dedicated their Wednesday shows to raising awareness about the urgent need to slow global warming.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Seven late-night hosts came together for Climate Night on Wednesday, using their respective shows to raise awareness about climate change.“You can’t escape,” Jimmy Kimmel said in his monologue. “It’s basically an intervention.”A veteran late-night producer and writer, Steve Bodow, organized the event to coincide with Climate Week NYC. Kimmel made the case that climate change trumps all other important issues.“The pandemic, systemic racism, income inequality, immigration, gun violence — but here’s the thing. If we don’t address climate change, none of those issues will matter at all. The car is going off a cliff and we’re fiddling with the radio.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“How could anyone be opposed to trying to fix this? Even if you run an oil company, you and your children and their children are going to have to live on in the world. There’s no Planet B.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Wildfires, floods, landslides — which, all amazing things to hear Stevie Nicks sing about; not something you want to experience in life.” — JIMMY KIMMELSeth Meyers and James Corden worked together on a joint intro across networks. Meyers called the occasion “one night where we put aside our intense, white-hot rivalries and come together to raise awareness for the vast effects the climate is having on our lives and the things we can do to help.”On “Late Night,” Meyers argued that climate change has made everything a lot weirder.“Now it’s just normal for friends to show up to dinner in late September looking like they just ran a marathon,” Meyers said. “Pretty soon the traditional Thanksgiving feast is going to be replaced by a clothing-optional backyard barbecue. ‘It’s too hot for turkey, so we’re just doing mashed potato smoothies.’”“This is how bad climate change is getting: wildfires in the West, floods in the East, freezing cold in Texas. Billy Joel’s going to have to write an update for 2021 and call it, ‘Actually, We Did Start the Fire.’” — SETH MEYERSOn “The Late Late Show,” Corden told viewers not to worry: “We’re not going to hammer you with scary stories, like the fact that this was the hottest summer on record here in the United States, which is true.”Instead, Corden shared inspirational stories of people doing their part to combat climate change and challenged his house-band members to share their own efforts.On “Full Frontal,” Samantha Bee shined a light on what she called “the number two issue”: sewage and the failure of America’s water infrastructure.“No one wants to think about sewage, but we all need to support the water infrastructure that supports us. Because waste disposal is vital to society and sanitation is a human right — unless you’re at an outdoor music festival, in which case, it’s a distant memory.” — SAMANTHA BEEStephen Colbert pointed to the numbers in his “Late Show” monologue, including a recent survey finding that most Americans do not believe they will be personally affected by global warming.“Americans treat climate science like soccer: We know it’s out there, and it really matters to the rest of world, but no one can make us care,” Colbert said, adding, “Maybe Ted Lasso could.”“But ordinary people are doing something about climate change: They’re worrying — especially young people. A recent study asked youths 16 to 25 from around the world how they felt about climate change, and 56 percent agreed with the viewpoint that humanity is doomed. Nice try, kids, but you’re not getting out of your student loans.” — STEPHEN COLBERTOn “The Daily Show,” Trevor Noah explored how climate change affects “unexpected little things” — slowing sea turtle reproduction, dampening the human sex drive and affecting the taste of coffee, wine and beer.“A lot of weird little effects that when you add them all together ends up being basically everything,” Noah said.“You know, my one hope is this is the news that finally gets people to take drastic action. Because if anything is going to motivate people, it is going to be the end of sex.” — TREVOR NOAHJimmy Fallon, for his part, left Climate Night jokes to the other hosts. Instead, he brought Dr. Jane Goodall to “The Tonight Show,” where she discussed her call for people around the world to plant new trees. More

  • in

    Late Night (and BTS) Goes to the U.N. General Assembly

    Trevor Noah referred to the U.N. event as “the annual gathering that honestly could just be a Zoom.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.International Relations IRLOn Tuesday, late night weighed in on the beginning of this week’s U.N. General Assembly — or, as Trevor Noah called it, “the annual gathering that honestly could just be a Zoom.”“Guys, it’s a very busy time in New York City because the U.N. General Assembly is officially underway. Yeah, more than 100 foreign leaders are in town to address the assembly, while some are just here to pick up a fiancé for 90 days.” — JIMMY FALLON“But all the big names have shown up. President Biden gave a speech, Brazil’s Bolsonaro gave a speech, and BTS gave a speech and filmed a music video from inside U.N. headquarters. Completely real. Yeah. Old people were probably watching this, like, ‘What the hell is a BTS?’ And young people were watching it, like, ‘What the hell is the U.N.?’” — TREVOR NOAH“But it makes sense for BTS to show up at the U.N. I mean, out of all the countries there, they probably have the most powerful army.” — TREVOR NOAH“I love when the U.N. General Assembly is in session. There’s no greater joy than watching the president of Romania walk into the M&M store.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, when else are you going to spot the president of Latvia holding one of those restaurant buzzers outside Bubba Gump Shrimp? It’s like, [imitating Latvia accent] ‘Our table is ready; let’s go.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This was Biden’s first speech to the General Assembly since taking office. He told the assembly that U.S. military power should not be the answer to every problem. For that, we have alcohol and weed.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I feel sorry for the U.N. translators who are working during Biden’s speech. Imagine having to think of the Portuguese word for ‘buckaroo,’ right there on the fly.” — JAMES CORDEN“And all his leader friends from other countries were there — the fella from down under, big guy, too tall, Padre, Bucko, Slick.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“After Bolsonaro spoke, President Biden then made his address to the U.N. General Assembly. It was the first time he spoke to a room full of world leaders confidently knowing that they didn’t have him on mute.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (U.N. vaccinated Edition)“In order to be allowed on the General Assembly floor, all leaders had to either be vaccinated or test negative for Covid, but they didn’t have to show proof. They did it on the honor system. And if you can’t trust China and Russia, really, who can you trust?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Next, the U.N. is gonna be, like, ‘We believe further conflict with the Taliban will be avoided thanks to our latest pinkie promise.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro this morning entered the U.N. General Assembly hall unvaccinated, violating both U.N. rules and New York law, but he got a hero’s welcome on Staten Island.” — SETH MEYERS“President Bolsonaro believes the vaccine turns people into crocodiles — and bearded ladies, too. Crocodiles? This AstraZeneca has a lot of range, I have to say.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course, the main focus of this year’s General Assembly is fighting Covid. Yep, nothing like holding a superspreader event to tackle a pandemic.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers’s brother, Josh Meyers, parodied the California governor, Gavin Newsom, addressing his supporters on “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightNicole Kidman and Melissa McCarthy, stars of “Nine Perfect Strangers,” will join James Corden on “The Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutKacey Musgraves’s “Star-Crossed” is her divorce album, a song cycle about how a relationship deteriorates that’s full of small memories, good and bad, rendered largely without judgment.Theo Wargo/Getty Images For MTVKacey Musgraves opens up about her career as a country crossover artist on this week’s Popcast. More

  • in

    Late Night Takes Lots of Jabs at Nicki Minaj

    The rapper’s tweets about her cousin’s friend, who she said had swollen testicles after taking the Covid vaccine, set off a flood of commentary.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Swell GuyOn Tuesday’s late-night shows, Nicki Minaj’s tweets about her cousin’s friend in Trinidad who she said got swollen testicles after receiving the Covid vaccine were a hot topic.On Wednesday, the rapper responded to the hosts who had poked fun, including Jimmy Kimmel, who asked to be connected with the afflicted man, saying he had questions.“And I guess Nicki saw it, because she reached out on Twitter,” Kimmel said. “She wrote: ‘He’s willing to talk for the right price. I’m his manager. Call me, Jimmy.’ Which was exciting. Don’t have Nicki’s number, and I do want to get an idea of what kind of money we’re talking about, so I wrote back, ‘Does he charge by the pound?’”Tuesday’s “Late Show” parodied Minaj’s hit “Super Bass,” which Minaj found amusing, writing that she wasn’t upset because she “rlly” likes Stephen Colbert.“Nicki, for the record, I ‘rlly’ like you, too,” Colbert said on Wednesday. “That’s why I want you to get vaccinated so you can come on the show again, because without a shot, the network ‘rlly’ won’t let you come on.”The Punchiest Punchlines (Crisis Averted Edition)“California Gov. Gavin Newsom yesterday defeated a recall attempt by a nearly 2-to-1 margin, and Newsom was so relieved, his hair unclenched.” — SETH MEYERS“Sorry, California Republicans, I know you spent 20 months and millions of dollars on this recall, but you know what they say.: You win some, but not in California.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Did he win? Can you win an election you didn’t want to happen?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The cost to our state was about $300 million, which I think is the third-most-expensive dinner at French Laundry ever.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The race was called for Newsom less than an hour after the polls closed. Less than an hour. Amazing how fast an election can end when Rudy Giuliani isn’t involved, isn’t it?”— JIMMY FALLON“The election was called so early, Newsom was able to get his beauty sleep, which, by the looks of him, is like 17 hours a day.” — JAMES CORDEN“In fact, there were three options on the ballot that said ‘yes,’ ‘no’ and ‘This is a bigger waste of time than driving into L.A.X.’” — SETH MEYERS“A vast majority of Californians voted no on the recall. So many people marked no, it was like the R.S.V.P.s for a destination wedding.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “Full Frontal,” Samantha Bee skewered conservatives for perpetuating vaccine misinformation and mixed messaging.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSeth Meyers will host the cast of “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” for the last time on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutSamantha Bee and other late-night hosts will focus their Sept. 22 episodes on climate change. “We need to not be submerged underwater in order to have successful late-night shows,” she said.TBSLate-night hosts will address climate change on their respective shows as part of Climate Night on Sept. 22. More

  • in

    Late Night Remembers Norm Macdonald

    Seth Meyers, James Corden and Jimmy Fallon paid tribute to the stand-up comic and former “Saturday Night Live” cast member on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Late-Night LegendThe comedian Norm Macdonald died on Tuesday, and a few late-night hosts caught the news in time to honor the frequent guest and former “Saturday Night Live” cast member.Seth Meyers called the loss of Macdonald tragic, saying, “I do not think that Norm would want to hear anything sentimental.” Still, Meyers shared some of his favorite Macdonald quips and what he had learned from watching him anchor “Weekend Update.”“And also, he loved, or I should say he just didn’t care, if he was bombing. If he thought the jokes were good, he had exactly as much fun telling them to a dead audience than to one who appreciated them. And I think for so many of us, we came up watching Norm, and we thought that you were on the inside with him when you were watching him tell these jokes that you thought were great, and no one in the room thought was good and you just felt this connection to him — and that ability to just stare into an audience, unblinkingly telling the jokes that — that you believed in.” — SETH MEYERSJimmy Fallon called Macdonald one of his comedy idols — “a comic’s comic” — reciting a bit from Macdonald’s early stand-up sets he’d memorized.“He’s just one of the greatest comedians ever, and, God, we’re going to miss him. He was a friend of the show — family, really, to us.” — JIMMY FALLONJames Corden hailed Macdonald as “perhaps the single greatest guest in the history of late-night television.”“Norm Macdonald passed away today, far too soon, after a nine-year battle with cancer; a battle Norm never told anybody about, because all Norm ever wanted to do was to make us laugh, and he was absolutely brilliant at it. There was nobody quite like him.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Side Effects Edition)“After she announced that she has not received the coronavirus vaccine, rapper Nicki Minaj tweeted yesterday that a friend of her cousin received the shot and became impotent after, quote, ‘his testicles became swollen.’ Which is pretty shocking, because when I got the shot, it was in my arm.” — SETH MEYERS“I can’t believe I have to say this, but doctors agree that Covid vaccines do not cause swollen testicles. But to be fair to Dr. Minaj, everyone knows there’s no source more reliable than your extended family’s acquaintances in another country.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Her report comes straight from ‘The New England Journal of my cousin’s friend in Trinidad.’ Just check out this week’s study, ‘I heard his girlfriend got pregnant from a hot tub.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Can we talk a moment about this poor guy. Think about it: He’s minding his own business with his swollen testicles in Trinidad and because his best friend happens to be cousins with Nicki Minaj — now the whole world knows that he’s impotent, he got dumped and he’s got giant testicles. He must be so mad at his friend.” — TREVOR NOAH“I mean that poor guy — single, swollen and everyone is asking them if he can hook them up with Nicki Minaj tickets.” — TREVOR NOAH“And for this friend, hate to say it, if your testicles swell up, the question isn’t ‘Did you get a vaccine recently?’ it’s ‘What have you been doing to your balls?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“By the way, if anyone can track down this friend of Nicki’s cousin, I would really like to talk to him — I have questions.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe Broadway cast of “Tina — The Tina Turner Musical” performed “Private Dancer” on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightNew “Dancing With the Stars” cast member Jojo Siwa will be on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutFrom left, Alexia Landeau, Elisabeth Shue, Sarah Jones and Julie Delpy in a scene from “On the Verge.”NetflixThe French actress Julie Delpy created and stars in the new Netflix series “On the Verge,” a comedy following four middle-age friends in Los Angeles. More

  • in

    Jimmy Kimmel: Herd Immunity Doesn’t Mean Taking Horse Medicine

    “Vaxxed and waxed. He wants his mailmen smooth,” Kimmel joked of President Biden’s new vaccine requirements for federal employees on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Variants Are Coming!’On Thursday, President Biden announced new vaccine requirements for federal employees and contractors, health care workers and those working at companies with more than 100 employees.“And, of course, a lot of people are upset about this,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “They don’t want to be told what to do — not even by the doctors who they will eventually rush to to beg for help when they get sick.”“Vaxxed and waxed. He wants his mailmen smooth.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This really does feel like when your dad stops threatening and actually does turn the car around.” — JAMES CORDEN“But you know, there’s a reason pandemic movies end when the hero finds the cure for the disease. There’s no ‘Contagion’ sequel with Matt Damon running around trying to convince everyone to take the vaccine — they just take the vaccine. And thank God, by the way — he sucks. We don’t need more movies with him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Vaccine mandates have a proud history in this country. During a smallpox outbreak in 1777, George Washington required his troops to be immunized. And who can forget the immortal words of Paul Revere: ‘One if by J.&J., two if by Pfizer. The variants are coming! The variants are coming!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But, still, I don’t know, like a quarter of the country thinks herd immunity means they should be taking livestock medicine instead of the vaccination.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Biden said it’s time to stop horsing around — and then he was like, ‘No, seriously, stop taking horse medicine.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (She’s Back Edition)“The Biden administration yesterday removed 18 military academy board members that were appointed by Trump, including haunted Dollar Store Barbie doll Kellyanne Conway. Which, there’s a name I haven’t said in a while: Kellyanne Conway. I’m not gonna say it any more times. I’ve seen ‘Candyman.’ I know what might happen.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Why were there still any Trump holdovers anyway? That’s like moving into a rent-controlled apartment the last guy died in and keeping all the expired whitefish in the refrigerator.” — SETH MEYERS“And why was Kellyanne Conway on an Air Force advisory board? If she ever flew an F-16 or what she probably calls an F-17, I guess we would end up in a ravine, her standing on a tarmac in a parachute claiming it was a successful landing.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingStephen Colbert spoke with Steve Burns from “Blues Clues,” who went viral this week with a heartfelt video that addressed his abrupt departure from the beloved children’s show close to 20 years ago.Also, Check This OutSeth Meyers was among Kelly Clarkson’s guests during a string of New York episodes taped at Jazz at Lincoln Center.Weiss Eubanks/NBCAfter two years of her daytime show, much of that during a pandemic, Kelly Clarkson has hit her stride as a talk show host. More

  • in

    Jimmy Kimmel Skewers ‘Pan-dimwits’ Taking Horse Dewormer

    “Meanwhile, these poor horses are like: ‘Hey, I have worms — I need that stuff. There are worms in my butt, do you understand?’” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Still Horsing AroundJimmy Kimmel returned to his show on Tuesday after taking the summer off.“I leave you people alone for two months, you start taking horse worm medicine?” the host said.Kimmel offered a name for people who have taken the medicine, ivermectin, as a supposed cure for Covid-19: “pan-dimwits.” There is no evidence that the drug is effective against Covid, and the health authorities have warned that it could pose a serious danger to humans.“So you will probably still get Covid, but on the bright side, you could win the Preakness.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Poison-control centers across the country have seen a spike in calls from people taking livestock medicine to fight the coronavirus, but they won’t take the vaccine, which is crazy. It’s like if you’re a vegan and you’re like, ‘No, I don’t want a hamburger — give me that can of Alpo instead.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Worst of all, it tastes yucky. Luckily, the internet is loaded with advice on how to make it more palatable, including mixing it with jellies or eating it as a sandwich. Or throw it on your roast beef — technically, it is horsey sauce.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In fact, it says right on the label: ‘For a horse’s [expletive].’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One of the reasons these Sea Biscuits are opting for ivermectin is because they don’t trust ‘big pharma.’ Which is fine, I guess, except for the fact that ivermectin is made by Merck, which is the fourth-largest pharmaceutical company in the world.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Listen, if a pharmaceutical company says, ‘Please don’t take the drug we’re selling,’ you should probably listen to them. Or you could just go with a TikTok posted by a disgraced veterinarian instead.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Meanwhile, these poor horses are like, ‘Hey, I have worms — I need that stuff. There are worms in my butt, do you understand?’”— JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Worst Butt Dial Ever Edition)“And finally, I read that surgeons successfully removed a Nokia cellphone from a man’s body after he swallowed it whole. The kids were so embarrassed. They’re like, ‘Dad, please swallow an iPhone next time.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He swallowed a Nokia phone. More like Choke-ia phone.” — JAMES CORDEN“His phone got wet and he needed to put it in rice immediately, but he had eaten all of his rice.” — JAMES CORDEN“Even worse, after four days, the man still had zero notifications.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s why I always buy the extra-long 10-foot charge cord, always. I know it’s a little bit more, but you’re happy you paid that money when you’re like, ‘Got it!’”— JAMES CORDEN“When reached for a comment, the man said he didn’t swallow it — it was just the worst butt dial ever.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin challenged Texas on its new abortion ban and made the case for a federally funded pedicure on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightHolland Taylor (“The Chair”) will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutSarah Paulson, left, as Linda Tripp and Beanie Feldstein as Monica Lewinsky in “Impeachment: American Crime Story” on FX.Antony Platt/FX“American Crime Story: Impeachment” focuses less on the White House and more on the women who were involved with and affected by the scandal. More

  • in

    Jimmy Fallon: Americans Care More About New ‘Spider-Man’ Than Covid’s Origins

    “In the trailer, Spider-Man visits Dr. Strange and asks him to turn back time. Then President Biden shows up and asks for the same thing,” Fallon joked on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Keeping Up With CovidLate night gave a few Covid-related updates on Tuesday night, including the U.S. intelligence agencies’ announcement that they had finished their review of the virus’s origins.“Then the Americans said, ‘Hold that thought — there’s a new ‘Spider-Man’ trailer, y’all,’” Jimmy Fallon joked. “In the trailer, Spider-Man visits Dr. Strange and asks him to turn back time. Then President Biden shows up and asks for the same thing.” — JIMMY FALLON“Well, guys, as I mentioned, today the report on the origins of Covid was completed, and an unclassified version will soon be released to the public. And like everything with this pandemic, I’m sure Americans will fully accept the truth and they’ll put all conspiracy theories to rest.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, the unclassified report will come out in a few days, or sooner if Sony accidentally leaks it early.” — JIMMY FALLON, referring to the leaked “Spider-Man” trailer“President Biden yesterday encouraged Americans who have been waiting for the F.D.A. to approve the Pfizer coronavirus vaccine to go out and get the shot. But I don’t know, something tells me they’re going to find a way to move the goal posts again: [imitating anti-vaxxer] ‘Sure, it’s F.D.A.-approved, but is it farm to table, something that’s suddenly very important to me?’” — SETH MEYERS“Following the announcement that the F.D.A. has officially approved the Pfizer vaccine, President Biden is now calling on companies in the private sector to adopt a shot mandate. If you ask me, this is just further proof of a giant conspiracy between the government and the corporate elite to infringe on Americans’ God-given right to get infected by a deadly virus.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Formerly Known as the Pfizer Vaccine Edition)“Following the full approval of Pfizer’s coronavirus vaccine, the company revealed it would start marketing the drug under the name Comirnaty, so now people will start referring to the Pfizer vaccine as ‘the Pfizer vaccine.’” — SETH MEYERS“It’s too late for a rebrand. This is like when your friend comes back from vacation and is like, ‘Actually, everyone calls me Turbo now.’” — SETH MEYERS“Listen, if they really want people to take it, they should have just called it White Claw.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Jimmy Kimmel Live” guest host, Niall Horan, announced a new name for his fan base: “Horan Dogs.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe country music artist Chris Stapleton will perform on Wednesday’s “Late Night With Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutRosie Perez with Kaley Cuoco in “The Flight Attendant.” Perez used her own experiences with menopause to shape her performance.Colin Hutton/HBO Max, via Associated PressAfter a lengthy film career, Rosie Perez is up for her first Emmy with her supporting role in “The Flight Attendant.” More

  • in

    Jimmy Fallon Celebrates the F.D.A.’s Full Approval of a Covid Vaccine

    “It’s about time,” Fallon said. “Their statement started with, ‘Hey, sorry, I just saw this.’”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Big Day for PfizerAfter several months and intense pressure to speed up the process, the F.D.A. approved Pfizer-BioNTech’s Covid vaccine on Monday.“It’s about time,” Jimmy Fallon said. “Their statement started with, ‘Hey, sorry, I just saw this.’”“Yeah, it was approved by the real F.D.A., the Food and Drug Administration, which is not to be confused with the fake F.D.A., the Facebook Doctors Association.” — JIMMY FALLON“Approval also offers an opportunity to clear up substantial public confusion. And, look, I’ll admit, it can be confusing to follow. We all wish the F.D.A. and C.D.C. could be more like the S.C.F., which is an organization where people Speak [expletive] Clearly.” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, this is great news. Although, if it didn’t get approved, I’m not really sure what the options were: Pfizer store credit?” — JIMMY FALLON“It must be weird working at the F.D.A. One day you’re approving a lifesaving vaccine, the next you’re approving new s’mores-flavored Oreos.” — JIMMY FALLON“Exactly what paranoid anti-vaxxers have been waiting for: a stamp of approval by the federal government.” — JAMES CORDEN“The Pfizer vaccine is now fully approved by the F.D.A., which sounds like a big deal, until you remember that so is Mountain Dew Baja Blast.” — JAMES CORDEN“Get this: The new name of the fully approved Pfizer vaccine is Comirnaty. Comirnaty, which sounds more like a drunk person trying to say ‘community’: [imitating drunk] ‘You can’t arrest me; I’m a valued member of the comirnaty.” — JIMMY FALLON“This is amazing news that will hopefully convince more people to get vaccinated, and we should all be thrilled. But, also, huge news that, I guess, we finally ran out of pharmaceutical names.” — SETH MEYERS“Did the approval catch Pfizer so off guard that they yelled out a name before they were ready? ‘I vote Comirnaty!’” — SETH MEYERS“Meanwhile, the Moderna and Johnson & Johnson vaccines don’t need F.D.A. approval. They spent lockdown learning to love themselves.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (From the Horse’s Mouth Edition)“But the vaccine isn’t the only thing keeping the F.D.A. busy. They recently had to tell people not to treat Covid with a drug that’s given to animals with worms. This is real. They tweeted: ‘You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously y’all, stop it.’ Meanwhile, the people taking it are like, ‘Laugh all you want, but I don’t have Covid, and the worms are almost gone.’” — JIMMY FALLON“They are absolutely right. You are not a horse, you are not a cow — you’re a jackass, though.” — STEPHEN A. SMITH, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“By the way, if the drug you’re about to take has a horse on the box, you probably shouldn’t take it.” — STEPHEN A. SMITH“Do you eat your meals out of a bag that has been strapped to your mouth? Are you led around by a carrot or a stick? How about: Do you sleep standing up? Do you sleep in a stable? No? Then take people medicine, OK? Try that.” — STEPHEN A. SMITH“On Friday, the Mississippi Health Department said incidents of people taking this horse medicine accounted for more than 70 percent of recent calls to the state’s poison center. That’s shocking, and I’ll tell you why: I had no idea Mississippi had a health department.” — STEPHEN A. SMITHThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Snoop Dogg paid tribute to his late friend Kobe Bryant in honor of the former basketball star’s birthday.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightLorde will continue her four-night residency on “The Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutLike everyone else in Easttown, Julianne Nicholson’s Lori holds some devastating secrets beneath her sensible parka.HBO, via Associated PressThe Emmy-nominated Julianne Nicholson was as surprised as anyone to find out the killer’s identity in “Mare of Easttown.” More