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      Jimmy Kimmel to Mike Lindell: The Obsession Is Mutual

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      “Mike Lindell doesn’t seem to understand I’m his biggest fan,” Kimmel said of the MyPillow C.E.O. “I have no idea what he is doing, but I love it.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Machines, Vaccines and Me’Mike Lindell, the founder of MyPillow, is a frequent target of late-night hosts who skewer him for supporting former President Donald Trump’s baseless claims of election fraud. Having been barred from Twitter over those claims, Lindell launched his own social media platform on Monday with a livestream set to last 48 hours. Jimmy Kimmel’s name has come up more than a few times during what he described as Lindell’s “yellathon.”“It’s quite a production. Phones are ringing, there are crank calls pouring in, the lights went out. He kept ranting and raving about the same things over and over again — machines, vaccines and me,” Kimmel said.“A lot of people said the C.E.O. of a pillow company couldn’t successfully launch a major social media site, and those people were 100 percent correct.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s been going nonstop since 7 o’clock this morning. In 17 hours, he’s taken maybe two breaths. At one point he claimed they had 75 million people watching. Even Trump was like, ‘Oh, please, quit exaggerating.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s like the Jerry Lewis telethon if Jerry was on a public access channel and crack.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What Mike Lindell doesn’t seem to understand is I’m his biggest fan. I have no idea what he is doing, but I love it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course I would have him on our show, under two conditions. Number one, he has to actually come into our studio — I need to see him in person. I want to smell the knackwurst in his mustache. And number two, I would like to conduct our interview in a bed, surrounded by pillows. Just me and Mike snuggled up side by side in a California king surrounded by sacks of goose feathers.” — JIMMY KIMMELSunday Night SpecialPresident Biden and former President Barack Obama appeared alongside several celebrities on an NBC special Sunday night encouraging Americans to get vaccinated.“Almost no one watched that special. It had very low ratings. Why would we? We already had a special to promote the vaccine — it’s called the news every day for the past 13 months.”— JIMMY KIMMEL“The stars turned out in force to promote the vaccine, from Kumail Nanjiani and Ellen Pompeo, to Amanda Seyfried and Jane Seymour. And you can trust Jane Seymour, because she’s a medicine woman.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Another highlight came when Dr. Anthony Fauci was interviewed by actor Matthew McConaughey. Wow, the sexiest man alive was interviewed by Matthew McConaughey!” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Life on Mars Edition)“NASA made history today with a successful helicopter flight on Mars. This marks the very first time an aircraft has been flown on another planet. ‘Helicopters on Mars’ — sounds like a band Jude Law was in at school.” — JAMES CORDEN“That’s right, a little helicopter detached from a rover and now they’re both exploring Mars. Or as Pixar put it, ‘Sold!’” — JIMMY FALLON“The flight lasted a total of 30 seconds. The men on the team said it was a complete success while the women agreed so they wouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.” — JIMMY FALLON“It wasn’t a long flight, it lasted just 30 seconds and reached an altitude of about 10 feet. It may not sound like a lot, but 10 feet means Ingenuity can dunk.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I say they’ve got two more flights before it ends up stuck on the neighbor’s roof.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Today’s mission was the first of several, because the helicopter could make as many as five flights in the coming weeks — although, to save a couple bucks, one of those flights has a layover in Charlotte.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe stand-up comic Tig Notaro told Jimmy Fallon all about her role in Zack Snyder’s new zombie film, “Army of the Dead.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightCher will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe closure of the ArcLight chain includes the Cinerama Dome, which was first shuttered when the pandemic hit.Kate Warren for The New York TimesThe director Gina Prince-Bythewood (“The Old Guard,” “Love & Basketball”) writes that the loss of ArcLight theaters in Los Angeles will be felt by filmmakers as much as by moviegoers. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Heckles ‘Future Former Florida Congressman’ Matt Gaetz

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      Kimmel poked fun at Gaetz and his friend Joel Greenberg for making their Venmo transactions public: “One of those ‘salads’ cost more than $1,000 — I guess they added avocado.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Public FinanceJimmy Kimmel poked fun at “future former Florida congressman” Matt Gaetz on Thursday night over the more than 150 public Venmo transactions that Gaetz and his friend Joel Greenberg made to dozens of young women.“Three payments for $500, $500, $250, labeled ‘ice cream’; five other payments labeled ‘salad,’” Kimmel noted. “One of those ‘salads’ cost more than $1,000 — I guess they added avocado.”“Two of the transactions were for ‘stuff’ and ‘other stuff.’ And let me just say this: It’s bad enough that Matt Gaetz is implicated in doing ‘stuff.’ But ‘other stuff’? That’s outrageous.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And, of course, we know about all of this because stupid Joel Greenberg made his Venmo transactions public, as did Matt Gaetz. They didn’t check the privacy box. What’s the opposite of a criminal mastermind?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Chances are pretty high that if you’ve broken the law, there’s evidence of it on your phone, especially since Gaetz was reportedly using Cash App and Venmo to make payments to his indicted buddy. Used to be when politicians broke the law, they stuffed an envelope full of $100 bills and met their contact in a parking garage. Now they just Venmo a buddy with an emoji of an envelope stuffed with cash.” — SETH MEYERS“I’d say along with getting your phone seized, being chased down a flight of stairs by a crowd of reporters and getting hustled into the back seat of a waiting car isn’t a sign that things are going great. That’s classic corrupt politician stuff. No one ever in that situation is in it for a good reason: ‘Sir, sir, can you tell us how you cured cancer?’ ‘I didn’t cure cancer; stop spreading lies about me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to be rushed into this unmarked van.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Northern Exposure Edition)“In Canada yesterday, a member of Parliament, which is Canada’s equivalent to our House of Representatives, accidentally exposed himself on an official government Zoom meeting. His camera was on, he didn’t know it, and everyone saw his Canadian bacon.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is the Canadian version of storming the Capitol.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“People alerted him right after they took a million screen shots.” — JIMMY FALLON“Before putting on pants, he was like, ‘It’s cold here today in Canada, isn’t it cold? Everyone’s talking about how cold it is.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He was completely nude. He was changing after a jog, and thought his camera was off. From now on you can call me that guy’s camera because I am turned on.” — JAMES CORDEN“The member of Parliament apologized and explained it was an innocent mistake — but also, if you want to see more, check out his OnlyFans page.” — JAMES CORDEN“Of course, he apologized — he’s Canadian. He would have apologized whether it happened or not.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But can you imagine if this happened here? If Jerry Nadler started swinging his thing around on camera?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth Watching“The Daily Show” detailed what it’s like for Black families to have “the talk.”Also, Check This OutIn “Mare of Easttown,” Kate Winslet plays a Pennsylvania detective dealing with missing girls and mounting personal problems.Michele K. Short/HBOKate Winslet plays a small-town cop investigating the murders of several young women in HBO’s new mini-series, “Mare of Eassttown.” More

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      Seth Meyers Recaps Biden’s First Press Conference

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      The “Late Night” host says the president is at his best “when he’s got the vibe of an old-timer football coach giving his young squad an inspirational halftime speech.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Biden Meets the PressPresident Biden held his first official news conference on Thursday, taking questions about immigration, the filibuster and his new Covid-19 vaccination goal, which builds on the early success of the initial rollout.“So he set a goal, met it, then said set a second, more ambitious goal which has credibility, because he met his first goal — that’s a novel strategy. It’s certainly different from the Trump strategy of overpromising and underdelivering,” Seth Meyers said.“That kind of announcement is Biden at his best, when he’s got the vibe of an old-timer football coach giving his young squad an inspirational halftime speech: [Imitating Biden] ‘We can do it, folks. We can score 42 points in the second half. And look, I know most of you have broken bones because I forgot to teach you how to tackle, but that’s how we learn.’” — SETH MEYERS“President Biden gave his first official press conference today. He would have given one sooner, but he spent a full month deciding if he should call on reporters with a point, a finger gun or a wink, and he landed on all three.” — JAMES CORDEN“During his press conference, President Biden said he supports changing the rules of the filibuster to require senators to stand and speak, like it was when he was in the Senate, quote, ‘120 years ago.’ Now, obviously he misspoke — 120 years ago, he was still in college.” — SETH MEYERS“Wow. Comically speaking, it should be a less believable number of years.” — JAMES CORDEN“There were a lot of questions today about immigration after Biden announced that Vice President Harris will be overseeing the challenges at the U.S.-Mexico border. It’s similar to how Trump put Pence in charge of handling the pandemic. When the going get tough, presidents are like, ‘You got this, right?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Look, Folks Edition)“Well, guys, after 64 days in office today, President Biden held his very first press conference. Normally, when a 78-year-old answers an hour of questions, they’re getting a physical.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden held his first official news conference today and Democrats everywhere held the edge of their seats.” — SETH MEYERS“During his first press conference today, President Biden said, quote, ‘I got elected to solve problems.’ Um, OK, so what do you know about boats and canals then?” — SETH MEYERS“It was quite the event. If you did a shot every time Biden said, ‘Look, folks,’ you got drunker than a ship captain in the Suez Canal.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Biden talked about the biggest issues facing his presidency — the pandemic, the economy and Dr. Oz hosting ‘Jeopardy.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “Desus & Mero,” the “Saturday Night Live” star Kenan Thompson talked about his new sitcom.Also, Check This Out“Notating Transcribing Transcribing” (2021) by the Berlin-based American artist Christine Sun Kim, who is deaf.Photo by Stefan KorteFrom visual art to the film “Sound of Metal,” modern deaf creatives are using American Sign Language to perform across a variety of media. More

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      Stephen Colbert Is Skeptical of Putin’s Best Wishes for Biden

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      “That is ominous,” Colbert said of Vladimir Putin’s wishing the president “good health” on Thursday. “But then again, when Putin says anything, it kind of sounds ominous.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.From Putin, With LovePresident Vladimir V. Putin of Russia responded to President Biden’s comments this week about his being a killer by saying on Thursday that “it takes one to know one” and that he wished Biden “good health,” clarifying that it was without irony or insinuation.Stephen Colbert took glee in the trading of barbs, saying, “Someone dust off Dolph Lundgren and get him hunting for Red October because the Cold War is back on, baby, and this time we’re gonna waterboard Billy Joel until he tells us who started the fire.”“Putin is famous for being a killer. It’s kind of his thing, along with horses and nipples.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So not going with a denial. Interesting.” — JAMES CORDEN“He’s killed so many people that in 2017, The Washington Post was able to publish a list of 10 critics of Vladimir Putin who died violently or in suspicious ways. His greatest hits are hits.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“As if the pandemic wasn’t enough, let’s throw in tension with a nuclear enemy into the mix.” — JIMMY FALLON“That is ominous. But then again, when Putin says anything, it kind of sounds ominous.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Putin has poisoned infector sushi, he’s thrown journalists out of windows, he’s tried to assassinate his most vocal domestic critic, Aleksei Navalny, by putting the lethal nerve agent Novichok in his underpants. It was an episode of Putin’s prank show, ‘Murdered.’”— STEPHEN COLBERT“But it is funny that Putin had to clarify that he is not joking when he wishes Biden good health. Because, let’s face it: The man has killed so many people, everybody assumes that is what he means.” — TREVOR NOAH“In other words, if you know what’s good for you, don’t drink the chamomile tea.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (March Madness Edition)“The N.C.A.A. March Madness basketball tournament began today, and it’s extra exciting because there was no tournament last year. So this is my first chance in two years to get furious at 19-year-olds I hadn’t heard of five minutes ago.” — SETH MEYERS“This is the year that answers the question, ‘How do you have an office pool when there’s no one at the office?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, everyone is doing their office pools. Of course, this year that means it’s you against your wife, your 2-year-old and your dog. ‘Rusty, you picked Gonzaga, too?’” — JIMMY FALLON“President Obama went out on a limb. He took No. 1 seed Gonzaga to go all the way, which is interesting when you consider that Gonzaga, as I have pointed out in the past, is not even a school. it doesn’t exist — it’s imaginary. They made it up to win basketball tournaments. It’s a pretend place. It’s like Wakanda for white people.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingMichelle Obama and Jimmy Fallon crashed random Zoom meetings on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutCynthia Erivo, a Grammy and Tony winner, portrays Aretha Franklin in Season 3 of “Genius,” including all the singing.Richard Ducree/National Geographic, via Associated PressCynthia Erivo shines as the soul singer Aretha Franklin in Season 3 of National Geographic’s bio-anthology “Genius: Aretha.” More

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      Late Night Gets Serious About the Georgia Shootings

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      “Your murder speaks louder than your words,” Trevor Noah said of the man accused of killing eight people, most of them women of Asian descent.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘We Saw It Coming’The hosts got serious on Wednesday, addressing the shootings in the Atlanta area that killed eight people, most of them women of Asian descent. Trevor Noah said angrily that America saw this coming.“And what’s been sad about the story is not just the loss of life, but all of the auxiliary things that have been happening around the story, you know?” Noah said. “Like one of the first things that’s been the most frustrating for me is seeing the shooter say, ‘Oh, it wasn’t racism; it was sex addiction.’ First of all, [expletive] you, man. You killed six Asian people. Specifically, you went there. If there is anyone who’s racist, it is a [expletive] who killed six Asian women. Your murder speaks louder than your words.”“And you know, in a way, what makes it even more painful is that we saw it coming. We see these things happening. People have been warning. People in the Asian community have been tweeting, saying: ‘Please, help us. We’re getting punched in the street. We’re getting slurs written on our doors. We’re getting people coming up to us to say, “Thanks for Covid; thanks for spoiling the world! Thanks!”’ We are seeing this happening, and while we’re fighting for it, there are many people who have been like, ‘Oh, stop being so woke, so dramatic. Kung flu, come on, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha! It’s just a joke.’ Yeah, it’s a joke that comes at one of the most tense times in human history.” — TREVOR NOAH“Why are people so invested in solving the symptoms instead of the cause? America does this time and time again. A country that wants to fight the symptoms and not the underlying conditions that cause those symptoms to take effect — racism, misogyny, gun violence, mental illness. And, honestly, this incident might have been all of those things combined, because it doesn’t have to be one thing on its own; America is a rich tapestry of mass-shooting motivations.” — TREVOR NOAHStephen Colbert tied the shootings to the larger issues about immigration that the United States continues to face.“The only answer that comes to mind is a simple but strangely difficult one these days, and that’s not to hate each other, to recognize our common humanity; to acknowledge that we’re a nation of immigrants. We might believe different things, we might not look the same, but we’re all Americans. We share a common belief that all men are created equal, and it is that belief itself that makes people want to come here.” — STEPHEN COLBERTAnd on “The Late Late Show,” James Corden said the killings were a consequence of hateful speech.“When you think about the casual racism that’s been pervasive over the past 12 months, then we can start to see the link between language and action. There are real consequences to repeatedly hearing hateful speech. People get hurt and people die. This mass murder is the product of a system that repeatedly leaves women of color and sex workers in a place where they are invisible. They are vulnerable and targeted. Identifying these actions as a hate crime isn’t just about semantics. And because this is a hate crime, it falls on all of us to address the hate.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Rotten Potatoes Edition)“Well, guys, I want to start off by wishing everyone a very happy St. Patrick’s Day. Yep, instead of Pfizer and Moderna, people just stayed home and did shots of Jameson.” — JIMMY FALLON“Today is March 17, which means it’s St. Patrick’s Day. It is the day Irish people say, ‘Kiss me, I’m Irish,’ and people say, ‘No, you’re not, Governor Cuomo, stop that.’” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s a big day for me, since I’m Irish. I’m a Colbert, I’m a Tuck, I’m a Fee, I’m a Conley, I’m a Tormie, I’m an O’Neill. In fact, I scored 100 percent on Rotten Potatoes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Because of the pandemic, St. Patrick’s Day is very different this year. For instance, here in New York, they couldn’t hold the normal parade. They just had a small one to keep the tradition technically alive. And to ensure no crowds would show up, organizers invited Bill de Blasio.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, all day we got to play a fun game: Drunk Co-worker or Bad Zoom Connection.” — JIMMY FALLON“St. Patrick’s Day during Covid is pretty strange. You’ve got to stay six feet apart, or as Irish dads call it, hugging.” — JIMMY FALLON“My question is, is it really St. Patrick’s Day if I can’t watch a guy on Fifth Avenue puke into a green hat at 8 a.m., you know? I mean, are we really celebrating when I can’t see a subway grate blow a kilt over a man’s head?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee opened “Full Frontal” with a look into the recent rise in violence against women.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJustin Bieber will talk to James Corden on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutWilliam Singer, a central figure in the college admissions scandal that is the subject of “Operation Varsity Blues.”Netflix The new Netflix documentary “Operation Varsity Blues” delves into the headline-making 2019 college admissions bribery scandal. More

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      Stephen Colbert Mocks Republicans’ Suspicious Minds on Vaccines

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      “Despite vaccines becoming more available, there’s still one thing holding Americans back: Americans,” Colbert lamented on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Calling TrumpStephen Colbert gave an update on the Covid-19 vaccination campaign on Tuesday night, lamenting that progress has been slow with a certain group of people.“Despite vaccines becoming more available, there’s still one thing holding Americans back: Americans,” Colbert deadpanned before launching into reports that Republicans were refusing vaccines in high percentages.“Because in a CBS poll, a third of Republicans said they would not be vaccinated. Come on, Republicans! Not everything is political. How do we convince you that you want it? Would it feel safer if the vaccine was administered by an AR-15?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Many of the Republicans polled cited ‘distrust of government’ as a reason to not be vaccinated. They worry the vaccines were produced too quickly. Duh! It was produced quickly because all of science dropped everything because your president wanted them to, and they did everything right with clinical trials! You wouldn’t stand in front of your burning house and tell the Fire Department, ‘Hold on, there, hold on — you fellas got here suspiciously fast.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One potential side effect of the coronavirus vaccine is that people are exposed to the idea that government can get things done.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThere have been suggestions that Donald Trump, who did not appear with the four other living former presidents in a recent ad promoting the vaccines, should do more to encourage his supporters to get inoculated.“I don’t know why Trump isn’t promoting the vaccine. I mean, maybe he doesn’t want to help Joe Biden end the pandemic. You know, maybe he’s still trying to unload all that hydroxychloroquine that he bought last summer. The question is, why are Republicans so hesitant to get the vaccine in the first place? Well, it might be because their most trusted friends are telling them it can’t be trusted.” — TREVOR NOAH“And I can’t say that I’m surprised that Trump isn’t making an effort to get people vaccinated. I mean, the man barely did his job when he had his job; you think he’s going to start working now? For free?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Sister Act Edition)“But President Biden has been trying to reach out to North Korea for weeks. Kim Jong-un isn’t having it. I don’t know if he’s tried sending a love letter — I hear Kim is really into those.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At first I thought the reason for the lack of response might be that Kim Jong-un uses a fax machine, but then I remembered Biden does, too, so.” — JIMMY FALLON“After a long period of silence, Kim Jong-un’s sister, Khloé Jong-un — or, I mean, is it Kourtney? Kourtney Jong-un lashed out.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“She warned the Biden administration that if it wants peace it had better, quote, ‘refrain from causing a stink at its first step. We take this opportunity to warn the new U.S. administration trying hard to give off powder smell in our land.’ I’m sure it sounds more threatening in Korean.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You don’t need to ask the ‘No malarkey’ guy to not cause a stink. He’s got it covered.” — JAMES CORDEN“That’s not how you talk to another country, is it? That’s how you talk to a spouse right before you go to a dinner party. You’re like: ‘Please avoid talking to Hank about politics. I don’t want you causing a stink.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Also I like that Kim Jong-un had his sister deliver the message. It’s like North Korea’s version of ‘I heard a noise in America; go check it out.’” — JIMMY FALLON“By the way, it’s rare that a dictator’s sibling speaks out. I don’t remember reading about any stern warnings from Lois Hitler.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s funny because North Korea thinks these statements they make are sick burns but they always sound like riddles instead. It’s like: ‘If you wish to cross the bridge, be wise not to anger us like the cat who swallowed mushrooms unwashed.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, nice try, North Korea, but we’re America — we haven’t slept well for the past five years.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Jenny Hagel and Amber Ruffin poke fun at the Utah Black History Museum and myths that vaccines can turn people gay in Tuesday’s return of “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe actress Laverne Cox will pop by Wednesday’s “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”Also, Check This Out“I’m finally being honest with myself,” the singer Demi Lovato said.Ryan Pfluger for The New York TimesThe singer Demi Lovato opened up to The New York Times about her queerness, her near fatal overdose and her journey to living her truth. “I’m ready to feel like myself,” she said. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Reminisces About One Year of ‘Living Contagiously’

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightJimmy Kimmel Reminisces About One Year of ‘Living Contagiously’“If somebody said ‘N95’ to you one year ago, you’d think they were a bingo caller,” Kimmel joked on America’s “coronaversary.”“The traditional gift for a one-year anniversary is paper, so I figured toilet paper makes the most sense,” Kimmel said while throwing some to a socially distanced audience of employees.Credit…ABCMarch 12, 2021, 1:45 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.One Year Later, Gifts for EveryoneJimmy Kimmel celebrated America’s “coronaversary” on Thursday night, referring to it as “one year of living contagiously.”“The traditional gift for a one-year anniversary is paper, so I figured toilet paper makes the most sense,” he said, while tossing the most in-demand item from last March to a sparse, socially distanced audience made up of “Jimmy Kimmel Live” employees.“I think we all remember where we were when we heard the news, because we’re all still there.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, it’s been exactly one year since we’ve had an audience, and I’ve got to say, I really miss the laughs, the energy, and of course, keeping the lost wallets.” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, it was a year ago today that we had our last show with a full audience. Six days later, I did the show from home, and six days after that, both my kids had agents.” — JIMMY FALLON“I remember that day like it was yesterday. Everything was shutting down, people were scared, grocery stores were ransacked, so I got up on a chair in the office and gave an inspirational speech where I said to my staff, ‘Gang, I know you’re terrified, but this is our moment. People are counting on us. So let’s get out there and put on the best [expletive] show of our lives!’ And then I looked down and the room was empty except for a tumbleweed that rolled past, stole a bottle of Purell off my desk and then left.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Way We Were Edition)“And today marks one year since the World Health Organization declared Covid-19 a pandemic. Prior to that, it was actually categorized as a legume.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If somebody said ‘N95’ to you one year ago, you’d think they were a bingo caller.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Remember when we were carefully disassembling our Instacart deliveries like a munitions expert in ‘The Hurt Locker’? Watch out, the Chipotle could explode!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course, it’s also the one-year anniversary of the first time I Lysol-ed a banana. But not the last.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s also been one year since we all trapped ourselves inside our homes with stockpiles of gin and red wine, watching ‘Tiger King’ and ‘Love Is Blind’ while clinging to our last shreds of toilet paper like a plank floating in the water after a shipwreck.” — SETH MEYERS“I think we all remember where we were when we heard the news, because we’re all still there.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, the past year was just like flying United Airlines. The engine fell off, but somehow we still made it.” — JIMMY FALLON“If you had told me a year ago that nearly 100 million Americans would be vaccinated for Covid by March 2021, I would have said, ‘What are you talking about? They said this will be over in two weeks. All we’ve got to do is flatten the curve, that’s it. When the warm weather comes, it will just disappear.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe writer and chef Eddie Huang talked with Desus and Mero about his new movie, “Boogie,” and his feelings about recent racially driven attacks on Asian-Americans.Also, Check This OutCredit…Nathaniel Russell, Alex Kalman, Sinna NasseriSeventy-five musicians, authors, directors, comedians, painters and playwrights answer seven questions about creativity and productivity (or lack thereof) in the pandemic.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Stephen Colbert Celebrates the Passing of the Stimulus Bill

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightStephen Colbert Celebrates the Passing of the Stimulus Bill“There you go, baby. You’re rich! Buy yourself something nice, like rent or medicine,” Colbert said on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”The Biden administration promised that some Americans would receive checks by the end of March. “Do you know what that means? There’s finally going to be an end of March!” Stephen Colbert rejoiced.Credit…CBSMarch 11, 2021, 2:15 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trillions in StimulationCongress passed a $1.9 trillion stimulus aid bill on Wednesday, with Democrats sending the measure to President Biden despite no Republican support.“Something historic happened on Capitol Hill, and it wasn’t punching a cop and pooping on the rug,” Stephen Colbert said, adding, “It’s a pretty low bar.”“With this passage, the government is about to send $1,400 stimulus checks to millions of Americans. There you go, baby. You’re rich! Buy yourself something nice, like rent or medicine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Huge news. With $1,400 a year into the pandemic, you can finally pay May 2020’s rent.” — JAMES CORDEN“The $1.9 trillion price tag brings the total spent on Covid relief to $5.5 trillion. By comparison, adjusted for inflation, World War II cost the U.S. government roughly $4 trillion. Hopefully, we’ll get some great coronavirus movies like ‘Inoculating Private Ryan,’ or one about your uncle who still wears his mask below his nose, ‘Dumb Kirk.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The administration says a large number of Americans could receive their $1,400 stimulus payments before the end of March. Do you know what that means? There’s finally going to be an end of March!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The money will be going out soon, and really, what’s more reassuring than the phrase, ‘Don’t worry, the check’s in the mail’?” — JAMES CORDEN“Most Americans are thrilled the bill passed. In fact, President Biden is so amped, he just bit his dog.” — JIMMY FALLON“One point nine trillion dollars. That’s like a dollar for every email you got this year that started with, ‘In these challenging times.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Biden might not need to work too hard to sell his stimulus plan, because according to polls, 75 percent of voters said they support the package, and Biden’s approval rating since he took office is a steady 57 percent. Old steady Joe: He may not be as exciting as the last guy we were with, but, you know, he’s good with kids, in that he cares whether they live in poverty.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Republican’t or Won’t Edition)“The House passed the $1.9 trillion coronavirus relief bill today. Democrats are calling it a landmark bill that will give Americans desperately needed financial assistance during a pandemic, while Republicans are calling it ‘not what Dr. Seuss would have wanted.’” — SETH MEYERS“It will give Americans more access to health care and boost the vaccination rate. So naturally, Republicans are against it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“No Republicans voted for the bill in the House or in the Senate, even though more than 70 percent of Americans support it. The only other Bill 70 percent of Americans support is Murray.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s very rare to have that, but Republicans in Congress can’t support it because Democrats in Congress do support it. If a meteor was hurtling toward the earth and Chuck Schumer said, ‘We’ve got to stop this,’ Mitch McConnell would be like, ‘No we don’t. No we don’t. Could lead to socialism.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee investigated the women of QAnon on Wednesday’s “Full Frontal.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightPhoebe Bridgers, a Grammy nominee for Best New Artist, will appear on Thursday’s “Late Night With Seth Meyers” ahead of Sunday’s awards show.Also, Check This OutCredit…Antoine CosséMany Hollywood actors came from theater, so why aren’t more helping to keep Broadway alive in the pandemic?AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More