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      Jimmy Kimmel Chides Trump for His Debate Performance

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      “More than 67 million Americans watched the debate on television last night, and of that 67 million, the only one who seems to think Trump did a good job is Donald Trump,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.67 Million to 1Despite public sentiment suggesting otherwise, Donald Trump said he came out on top after Tuesday’s debate, while also asserting it was rigged against him.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel said that more than 67 million Americans watched the debate on television last night — “and of that 67 million, the only one who seems to think Trump did a good job is Donald Trump.”“I had a liberal elite day today. I woke up, I ate a big cat for breakfast, then I had a baby, then I had an abortion right after that, and then I went to pick up my kids from their mandatory transgender surgery operations after school. And now, I’m back here spreading Marxist propaganda on TV. That’s how we do it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This morning, Trump said the debate was rigged and that ABC should be shut down for fact-checking him, but that he still thought he did great. Then ABC fact-checked him again and said, ‘You did not.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, everyone thought Harris seemed really prepared while Trump was like, ‘My homework was eaten by a dog that was eaten by people in Ohio.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This pet-eating brain worm got into Trump’s skull through JD Vance, who’s been spreading a racist rumor that Haitian immigrants are abducting people’s pets and eating them in Ohio. This is a good time to remind you: please remember to spay or neuter your JD Vance. We don’t want more of that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It looks like Operation ‘I’m Not Weird’ isn’t going well.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Childless Cat Lady Edition)“Last night, Kamala Harris and Donald Trump took to the debate stage to make their cases to Taylor Alison Swift and whoever else happened to be watching.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Trump was like, ‘See? She’s eating her cat.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump this morning responded to the Taylor Swift endorsement and said, ‘Not a fan.’ But I have some bad news: his granddaughter, Arabella, Ivanka’s daughter, two months ago had a Taylor Swift cake for her birthday. So eat that, Grandpa.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Really, Donald? You prefer Brittany Mahomes? What’s your top five Brittany Mahomes songs? Is this really his angle? ‘Well, I don’t care, Taylor, because I like your boyfriend’s co-worker’s wife better.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel returned for another “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” segment on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Agatha All Along” star Sasheer Zamata will appear on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutThe documentary “Brandy Hellville & The Cult of Fast Fashion,” streaming on Max, turns a sharp eye to the Gen Z fashion brand Brandy Melville.Courtesy of HBOTrue crime stories about brands like Brandy Melville and Lululemon explore the dark side of trendy clothing. More

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      Late Night Hosts Declare Harris the Winner in the Debate

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      Stephen Colbert said that the vice president needed to “rattle Trump’s cage. And now that it is over, they are still looking for pieces of his cage in low orbit.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Best in ShowOn Tuesday, Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump met for their only scheduled debate before the election. Three of the five late-night shows went live after it ended, with Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel and Jon Stewart offering their takes.Colbert said that Harris “came out swinging,” looking to “rattle Trump’s cage.”“And now that it is over, they are still looking for pieces of his cage in low orbit.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Harris got under his skin like she was stuffing in butter and rosemary. It was beautiful. By the end of the debate, the meat was falling off the bone.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Usually when Donald Trump gets a spanking like this from a woman, it’s with a Forbes magazine. Kamala was pushing his buttons like a 12-year-old playing Fortnite.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He was so nonsensical that she looked at him the way a parent looks at a kid giving a presentation on why they should be allowed to get a pet tiger.” — STEPHEN COLBERTOn “The Daily Show,” Jon Stewart called out Trump for his answer to a question about his involvement in the Jan. 6. insurrection.“You spent two months riling up your base that our country had literally been stolen from them through fraudulent means, that you could never even get a whiff of in a court of law, and let — let yourself just abuse them. You pressed on. You abused their trust. You showed up for a speech? You [expletive] tweeted ‘Join me on Jan. 6. It will be wild.’ But suddenly now: ‘I was just a hired magician to do the bar mitzvah! I didn’t do anything. I showed up with a hat and a rabbit and then the whole party went out of control!’” — JON STEWART“And this is it, ladies and gentlemen. I don’t know if this debate is going to change anything. I really don’t. People are awfully set in the manner that they view these proceedings. What I think is a home-run answer for one candidate, someone else views as a dodge or a lie or any of those other things. In some ways, it doesn’t matter what they say anymore, but one thing will always be true, and it is the quality of the former president I respect the least: Whenever he is cornered and forced to face even the smallest of consequences for his own mendacity and scheming, he reverts to the greatest refuge of scoundrels. As Shaggy would say, ‘It wasn’t me!’” — JON STEWART“[imitating Trump] OK, but you can’t believe a thing I say. I’m crazy! Everybody knows that! I’m the Hannibal Lecter whale guy. Immigrants are taking our cats and giving them operations to turn them into dogs and then eating the dogs. Whale!” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Lock Up Your Dogs Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Observes ‘Debate Night Eve’

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      Jimmy Kimmel predicted Kamala Harris and Donald Trump will face questions “on all the big issues: the economy, immigration, electrocution, sharks.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Night BeforeVice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump will meet for their only scheduled debate on Tuesday night.On Monday, Jimmy Kimmel predicted the candidates will field questions “on all the big issues: the economy, immigration, electrocution, sharks — everything we care about.”“It’s Debate Night Eve, so don’t forget to put out some milk and cookies for Santa and then give him two minutes for a rebuttal.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, both candidates are very busy with last-minute preparations. Right now, Trump is trying to decide which shade of bronzer: jack-o’-lantern orange or burned corn on the cob?” — JIMMY FALLON“How could you possibly prepare to debate Donald Trump? This is a man who, if he doesn’t like the direction a hurricane is going, just draws a new hurricane on the map — you can’t debate that.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump, of course, is claiming that the debate is rigged against him, even though it hasn’t happened yet. Over the weekend, he announced that no boxes or artificial lifts will be allowed for Kamala — who is 5-foot-4 — to stand on because he says, ‘It would be a form of cheating, and the Democrats cheat enough.’ That’s right. You know, cheating is only allowed when it comes to wives, taxes and every round of golf that he’s ever played.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There’s a lot riding on this. If Kamala doesn’t do well, you know, come January, our national bird might be the Kentucky Fried Chicken.” — JIMMY KIMMEL‘An Honor Just to be Nominated’An article in Rolling Stone said that while Trump was president, he tried to persuade Justice Department officials to use campaign finance laws and equal-time broadcast regulations to rule that anti-Trump jokes on late-night shows were illegal. Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel were among those on Trump’s list of targets.“Finally, I made an enemies list!” Colbert said. “I mean, obviously, there’s no guarantee I’ll be arrested, but it’s an honor just to be nominated.”“I’m now imagining me and all the other late-night hosts in prison together like the mobsters in ‘Goodfellas.’ I’m stirring the sauce, Colbert’s slicing the garlic with a razor blade.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“No doubt it’ll all be decided this weekend in Los Angeles — whoever wins the Emmy for best talk show will be sent to a camp: ‘And the gulag goes to …’ So, to my old colleague Jon Stewart, I just want you to know, I voted for you.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“How would this work for Jon Stewart? Would he only go to jail on Mondays?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Change of Heart Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Seth Meyers: Trump and Vance ‘Can’t Beat the Weird Charges’

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      The “Late Night” host said that Republican efforts to turn the accusations back on Democrats are “only making things worse.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Weird FlexFormer President Donald Trump participated in a Fox News town hall on Wednesday night, where he rejected claims that he and his running mate, JD Vance, are “weird” and said that they are both “solid.”“First of all, the opposite of weird isn’t solid — it’s normal,” Seth Meyers said on Thursday. “Republicans can’t beat the weird charges, so now they’re trying to turn them back around on Democrats, but in doing so, they’re only making things worse.”“He hates this so much that he can’t stop bringing it up, and now when it comes to Tim Walz, his defense is, ‘I’m not weird — you’re weird!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Right, right — I’m just a regular guy who lives in a gold house and has an orange face.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I love how unprompted he immediately just throws Vance under the bus. [imitating town hall host] ‘Mr. President, how would you solve inflation?’ [imitating Trump] ‘Well, you know, everyone’s saying JD is a very weird man, you know. He’s obsessed with childless women, and he can’t even order doughnuts without creeping everybody out, but you know, I don’t think he’s weird.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Dunkin’ Edition)“I had such secondhand embarrassment watching that that I had to peer through my hands like it was a ‘Saw’ movie.” — SETH MEYERS, on Vance’s strained interaction with the employees at a doughnut shop“This dude orders doughnuts like his kidnapper is watching him from the car.” — SETH MEYERS“[imitating Vance] How long have I been in this doughnut shop? Forever? OK, good.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Let me ask you a question: Is JD Vance a doughnut? Because Walz is dunkin’ him.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingParis Hilton gifted Jimmy Fallon an honorary degree from her “BBA” on Thursday’s Tonight Show.Also, Check This OutWinona Ryder and Michael Keaton, who both starred in the original “Beetlejuice” movie, return for “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.”Warner Bros.Thirty-five years after the debut of “Beetlejuice,” Michael Keaton has reprised the iconic titular role in a long-awaited sequel. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Laughs Off a Verbal Stumble

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      Kimmel mocked Donald Trump for flubbing words before doing so himself on Wednesday, saying, “That’s why I’m not going to be president.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Consider the SourceIn an interview with Chris Cuomo on Tuesday, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. affirmed his support of former President Donald Trump and implied that Vice President Kamala Harris couldn’t put together a proper English sentence.“We need a president who can put together an English sentence like this guy,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday night before playing several clips of Trump garbling the pronunciation of words.“The only sentence Donald Trump can put together is a prison sentence.” — JIMMY KIMMELMoving on to news about Lara and Tiffany Trump’s X accounts being hacked, Kimmel himself stumbled over the phrase “officially sanctioned crypto scams.” He laughed at the ironic timing: “Now I’m like him.”“You know what? That’s — that’s karma. That’s why I’m not going to be president.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Nothing But a Z Thing Edition)“Guys, Election Day is just two months away, and a new poll shows that only a third of Gen Z voters support former President Trump. That makes sense — Trump thinks Gen Z is the rapper married to Beyoncé.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right — only a third of Gen Z supports Trump, while the rest plan to vote Skibidi Toilet.” — JIMMY FALLON“Kamala is also trying to reach young voters. That is so important. I am also reaching out to young people, mostly to ask, how do you do that thing on Uber where you add a stop?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth Watching50 Cent, whose real name is Curtis Jackson, promoted his debut novel, “The Accomplice,” on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe country singer Miranda Lambert will perform a track from her new album, “Postcards From Texas,” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutMassima Bell, left, and Dust Reid, the creative team behind the new charity album “Transa.”Gabriel PetraSam Smith, Sade, André 3000 and Jayne County are among several artists featured on “Transa,” a 46-track album promoting transgender awareness. More

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      Stephen Colbert Takes Stock of Harris Leading in the Polls

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      Colbert reacted to a survey showing the vice president ahead of Donald Trump, 48 percent to 43 percent, saying it “really restores my faith in almost half of humanity.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Almost HalfNine weeks before Election Day, late-night hosts on Tuesday celebrated Kamala Harris’s lead in the polls.“Forty-eight percent,” Stephen Colbert said, referring to a recent USA Today survey in which Harris led Donald Trump, 48 percent to 43 percent. “That really restores my faith in almost half of humanity.”“Harris is particularly popular with women, while Trump is ahead among men, leading some to call this ‘the boys versus girls election.’ And, remember, many Trump voters are not vaccinated against cooties.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A new poll found that Harris has widened her lead among women to 13 points. Thirteen. Trump heard the news and was like, ‘Was it everything I said?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Today, Trump’s aides were like, ‘You need to reach out to women.’ Then a few seconds later, they’re like, ‘No, never mind! Just forget what we said and go back to eating the hot dogs.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Hot Dog Edition)“I don’t know if you saw it on Netflix, but I came in third in the hot dog eating contest.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Speaking of food, in a Netflix Labor Day special, Joey Chestnut beat Kobayashi in a hot-dog eating contest by eating a record 83 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Eighty-three hot dogs in 10 minutes — that’s basically me at every wedding when they pass around the pigs in a blanket.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, he put down 83 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Netflix was, like, ‘If you like this, you might enjoy “Bridgerton.”’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe pop artist Billie Eilish shared a clip of her working on the song “Birds of a Feather” with her brother and collaborator, Finneas O’Connell, on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night“The Gilded Age” star Carrie Coon will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutDaniel Craig in Venice. He said “Queer” is the kind of explicit film that was “challenging but hopefully incredibly accessible.”Fabio Frustaci/EPA, via ShutterstockDaniel Craig stars as a drug addict with a penchant for sex and heroin in Luca Guadagnino’s new film adaptation of the William S. Burroughs novel “Queer.” More

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      Seth Meyers Approves of the Obamas Dissing Donald Trump

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      The “Late Night” host remarked that former President Barack Obama burned Donald Trump “without even saying a word” on Day 2 of the D.N.C.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Double-Teaming Donald TrumpFormer President Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle Obama, gave rousing speeches on the second night of the Democratic National Convention on Tuesday.On Wednesday’s “Late Night,” Seth Meyers said that Michelle Obama “brought down the house when she tore into Trump.”“She is very, very good. I’m a little bummed she doesn’t want to get into politics, but I’m very happy she doesn’t want to host a late-night talk show.” — SETH MEYERSBarack Obama’s speech, Meyers said, “got everyone talking when he took a jab at the size of Trump’s crowds.”“He did it without even saying a word — just a tiny hand gesture.” — SETH MEYERS“I’ve said it for years, and I’ll say it again: the best Obama is standup Obama.” — SETH MEYERS“That was the first time Trump was like, ‘That’s enough TV; I’m going to go exercise and read a book.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The last time Trump got burned that badly, he locked himself in his tanning bed.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, then Stormy Daniels said, ‘Nothing to fact check there.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I see what he did there. Yeah, yeah, that’s brutal. That’s the second time this summer that the Secret Service has failed to protect Trump from a lethal attack.” — JORDAN KLEPPER, guest host of “The Daily Show”The Punchiest Punchlines (Turn Down for What Edition)“I just know that when Lil Jon wrote this song, he was thinking to himself, ‘This will absolutely rip at the 2024 Democratic National Convention.’” — JORDAN KLEPPER, on Lil Jon’s appearance at the D.N.C.“I didn’t know politics was so lit. I’m going to start voting!” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Oh my gosh! They don’t call it a political party for nothing’.” — RUPAUL, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“C-SPAN even covered it and identified Lil Jon in a lower third, although they should have used his official title: ‘Rep. Lil Jon, Democrat, Crunksylvania.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingDiane Lane, who stars in “Feud: Capote vs. The Swans,” chatted with the guest host, RuPaul, on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” and recalled seeing Truman Capote on late-night shows in the 1970s.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJon Stewart will host Thursday’s “Daily Show” live from Chicago on the fourth and final night of the D.N.C.Also, Check This Out“My bed is so comfortable,” Hannah Gadsby said, “and that keeps me up at night.”Ian LaidlawThe Australian comic Hannah Gadsby takes on Taylor Swift and fans in a new routine, “Woof.” More

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      Nancy Pelosi Interrupted by Pro-Palestinian Protesters on ‘The Late Show’

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      “Isn’t it great to be in Chicago?” the former House speaker exclaimed in her appearance with Stephen Colbert, an apparent attempt to defuse the tension.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Speaker, InterruptedBroadcasting live from Night 2 of Chicago during the Democratic National Convention, Stephen Colbert on Tuesday night welcomed to “The Late Show” the former speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, who, as has been widely reported, was a key player in efforts to nudge to nudge her longtime colleague and friend President Biden out of the 2024 presidential race. As Pelosi began to answer — or, rather, deflect — a question about her private conversations with Biden, a protester in the audience began to shout about the ongoing war in Gaza. (See the clip below around the 3:40 mark.)Colbert, after acknowledging the protester, returned to the subject after a commercial break (see around 1:35 in the clip below), while also mentioning the wider pro-Palestinian protests surrounding the convention and within the Democratic Party. He asked:There is dissension over what is the proper use of American power — especially our projected power overseas, both firm and soft power — if the goal is the peaceful and prosperous future for both Israelis and Palestinians: What role does the United States play?After beginning by talking about Biden’s role, which Pelosi said he “played very well,” she went on to say that Israel had a right to defend itself and that “we want the hostages free.” She also said, “we don’t want children killed in Gaza, and so we have to come up with a solution.”Pelosi argued that “war has no role in a civilized society” (just after the 3:40 mark), at which point the protesters interrupted again; paraphrasing their words, Colbert explained, “They’ve said that the United States should not have any role in supplying arms to kill the people of Gaza.” Watch the full exchange below.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More