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      Stephen Colbert Ponders a Trump-Kari Lake Ticket

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      Donald Trump is said to be considering the Arizona politician, who also denies having lost an election. Colbert says she’s the “governor of the state of denial.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Who’s the Lucky Lady?A report says Donald Trump is considering a female running mate for 2024, in hopes of winning over suburban white women. On Tuesday, Stephen Colbert noted that Kari Lake, who still denies that she lost Arizona’s gubernatorial race last year, was said to be a contender.“Lake lost her election and refuses to admit it, but she has got one win under her belt,” Colbert said, referring to a conservative conference in Washington where a straw poll found her to be the top choice for the vice presidency.“She must have been so honored to have MAGA voters choose her as the next vice president they try to hang.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, since it’s Trump, he’ll make the decision after holding a Miss Vice President pageant.” — JIMMY FALLON“But Lake found a way to deny this election as well, saying through a spokesperson, ‘We’re flattered, but unfortunately, our legal team says the Constitution won’t allow for her to serve as governor and V.P. at the same time.’ That’s a good point — Kari Lake is currently the sitting governor of the state of denial.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mona Lisa Edition)“Sightseeing, my Black [expletive]. If you have to punch a cop on your way in, you’re not sightseeing, you fightseeing.” — MARLON WAYANS, on the Fox host Tucker Carlson’s insistence that the Jan. 6 Capitol protesters were “sightseers”“All Tucker Carson proved is that you can make anything better by not showing the bad part.” — MARLON WAYANS“You guys know we can see what you’re doing, right? Kevin McCarthy, who is Trump’s Waylon Smithers, gives all the footage to Tucker, Tucker shows only the tame parts, and then Trump claims the rioters were framed. It’s like watching a magic show where the magician is wearing sheer sleeves.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden reacted to scary new wax figures of British royalty on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSt. Vincent will perform on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe writer Adam Bradley offers a “new Black canon,” listing 20 undervalued books that reflect “the infinite number of ways of being Black in America — and of being in the world.” More

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      Jimmy Fallon Recaps Trump’s ‘Off the Rails’ CPAC Speech

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      Fallon said Donald Trump “made some pretty intense promises” in his headlining speech on Saturday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Leader of the PACDuring a speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Saturday, former President Donald Trump made what Jimmy Fallon referred to as “some pretty intense promises.”“In 2016, I declared, ‘I am your voice,’” Trump said. “Today I add, I am your warrior, I am your justice, and, for those who have been wronged and betrayed, I am your retribution. I am your retribution.’”“He’s like, ‘I’m the captain now. I am the one who knocks. I am the walrus. Koo-koo-ka-choo,’” Fallon joked on Monday night.“He’s either running for president or auditioning to be the next John Wick.” — JIMMY FALLON“He was such a terrible president, and now he’s auditioning to be Batman.” — SETH MEYERS“Problem is, he would never respond to the bat signal, because there’s no way he’s ever just looking pensively out the window. You’d have to text it to him or just shine it on Sean Hannity’s forehead. Oh, you know what you could do? You could project it on a solar eclipse — he looks at those.” — SETH MEYERS“It was so empty, the guy started vacuuming because he thought the event was over.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Karens and the Darrens Edition)“But let’s be real, the funniest comedy special last weekend was the CPAC, or as I like to call it, crazy white people.” — MARLON WAYANS, guest hosting “The Daily Show”“Turns out, CPAC really stands for ‘Crazy to Put Up all Those Chairs.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If you don’t know about it, it’s an annual event where all the Karens and their husbands come together, and they complain about the rest of us. The Karens and the Darrens.” — MARLON WAYANS“And some of that [expletive] make no sense at all. Like, Nikki Haley said, ‘wokeness is more dangerous than a pandemic.’ I never had to miss two weeks of work because of wokeness.” — MARLON WAYANS“Yes, wokeness is such a dangerous virus that it apparently killed two-thirds of her audience. It’s got to be stopped.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden revealed Tessa Thompson’s first acting role in a music video at the age of 6.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe author Margaret Atwood will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutIn Chris Rock’s new Netflix stand-up special, “Selective Outrage,” the comedian brings up last year’s “slap heard around the world.”Kirill Bichutsky/NetflixThe comedian Chris Rock responds to being on the receiving end of Will Smith’s Oscars slap in his new comedy special “Selective Outrage.” More

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      Seth Meyers Says It’s ‘Too Late’ for Fox News to Undo Trump Damage

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      Meyers wished the network luck in reining in the former president while he’s “interrupting weddings at Mar-a-Lago to give off-the-cuff toasts.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘I’ve Created a Monster!’According to a recent deposition, the chairman of Fox News, Rupert Murdoch, tried to make sure former President Donald Trump was given less coverage on the conservative news channel after the 2020 election.Seth Meyers chastised Murdoch for the late-in-the-game call. “Too late, you built this,” he said, spicing his remark with an expletive.“It’s easy to put a brain in Frankenstein when he’s a lifeless body strapped to a table, but good luck getting it out of his head while he’s lumbering around a golf course and interrupting weddings at Mar-a-Lago to give off-the-cuff toasts.” — SETH MEYERS“According to filings in the Dominion lawsuit, Murdoch has been trying to keep the ex-prez off Fox for a long time now. After Jan. 6, Murdoch instructed an aide to make the former president a nonperson. He wants to make the former president persona non grata, as opposed to now, when he’s persona au gratin.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They’re banning the ex-president? That’s like Discovery Channel banning sharks. No one wants to watch ‘Salty Water Week.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Fascist and the Furious Edition)“In Washington, ‘the fascist and the furious’ have gathered to praise their lord and savior, Donald Trump, at the annual CPAC convention. This is a convention for all your worst aunts and uncles.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Every, like, low-rent radio host and podcast racist with a dye job and a fleece vest shows up to try to out-crazy each other. Remember the first seasons of ‘American Idol’ when the losers would just line up and be mowed down by Simon Cowell? It’s like that but without Simon Cowell.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Actually, Trump’s excited to be there. He actually spent all day in the lobby signing copies of his classified documents.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon and Brendan Fraser turned into Goat Leg Greg and Gilvin of the Tree to deliver “Pearls of Wisdom” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutDaniel Kwan, second from left, with his highly nominated “Everything Everywhere All at Once” collaborators Stephanie Hsu, Ke Huy Quan and Jonathan Wang.Some of this year’s Asian and Asian American Oscar nominees reflect on a record-setting awards season ahead of next week’s ceremony. More

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      Late Night Gives the Lowdown on CPAC

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      “CPAC stands for ‘Clowns Periodically Assembling in Convention Centers,’” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Gathering of the MAGA-los’The annual Conservative Political Action Conference kicked off outside of Washington on Wednesday.Jimmy Kimmel called it “the annual gathering of the MAGA-los,” saying the conference is “a chance for the far right to get together and share crazy thoughts.”“CPAC stands for ‘Clowns Periodically Assembling in Convention Centers.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s basically Coachella for people who post on Facebook in all caps.” — JIMMY FALLON“They started it with the traditional 21 assault rifle salute and the pledge of allegiance to Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“CPAC calls itself ‘the largest and most influential gathering of conservatives in the world.’ The speeches will be serious, while the people trying to dance at the after-party will be hilarious.” — JIMMY FALLON“The conference is being held at the Gaylord Harbor National Resort and Convention Center, which is another reason Mike Pence won’t come.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They’ve got some great panels lined up this year. These are real — we didn’t make these up. These are not jokes. People pay to go see panels like ‘No Chinese Balloons Above Tennessee,’ ‘Sacking the Woke Playbook,’ ‘Parents with Pitchforks.’ I saw Parents with Pitchforks at Coachella last year. Really good band.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But this is nice: After each speech, there will be a QAnon — I’m sorry, Q. and A.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Women’s History Month Edition)“Today is March 1, which means it is the start of Women’s History Month. Exactly right. Yeah. Just remember, behind every great woman is a man loudly repeating her ideas.” — JIMMY FALLON“Women’s History Month started as Women’s History Week back in 1982, and then somebody thought, you know, ‘Hey, women should probably get more time than sharks on the Discovery Channel.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s an opportunity to look back at the history of women’s rights, especially this year, when so many of women’s rights are history.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingHasan Minhaj deactivated his Twitter account on air during Wednesday night’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSteven Spielberg will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutVictory Gardens Theater staged “cullud wattah” until its playwright, Erika Dickerson-Despenza, forced the company to stop the run to protest the ouster of its artistic director.Liz LaurenBlack playwrights in several cities have halted production of their work based on concerns with theater administrators’ lack of follow-through on promises of diversity and inclusion. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Responds to Reports He Caused a ‘Trumper Tantrum’

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      A report said Donald Trump tried to get Disney to reprimand Kimmel for making fun of him. “In other words, President Karen demanded to speak to my manager,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Trumper Tantrum’On Monday night, Jimmy Kimmel addressed a Rolling Stone report that said in 2018, then-President Trump asked White House officials to call Disney and demand that Kimmel stop making jokes about him. Disney owns ABC, which broadcasts Kimmel’s show.“The report says at least two calls were made from the Trump White House to ‘convey the president’s anger regarding Kimmel’s monologues and jabs,’” Kimmel said. “In other words, President Karen demanded to speak to my manager.”“You’d think the guy who fathered Eric and Don Jr. would know how to handle jokes, but I guess not.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know what, maybe this is why Donald and Melania sleep in separate bedrooms — she was laughing too hard at my monologue at night.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But really, joking aside, this is a blatant abuse of power. I wonder if Fox News — you know they’re always screaming about censoring comedians — will they defend me on this? I doubt it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I wonder what it was specifically that sparked this, his Trumper tantrum.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Low Confidence Edition)“The U.S. Energy Department just released a new report that said the Covid pandemic might have been started by a Chinese lab leak. Americans heard and were like, ‘Hey, thanks for that three years too late information. Any “Game of Thrones” spoilers?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, they think Covid started in a lab, but said, ‘They only have low confidence in the report.’ ‘Low confidence,’ which is just one notch above, ‘We have no freaking idea.’” — JIMMY FALLON“How can you conclude something with low confidence? That’s not a conclusion. I think the word you’re looking for is ‘guess.’” — HASAN MINHAJ, guest host of “The Daily Show”“I mean, low confidence — that’s like me saying, ‘I think I can bench 3,000 pounds, but I have low confidence.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, you could tell by the way they delivered the news: ‘Um, maybe it was a lab leak? That’s stupid. Forget I said anything.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The conclusion had low confidence. But honestly, once the ‘Queer Eye’ guys get ahold of it, give it a new haircut, teach it how to make guacamole, it’ll be a whole new conclusion, you just wait.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth Watching“Neil Young” performed the new viral hit “Angela Bassett Did the Thing” on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe actress Rebel Wilson will appear on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutRachel Brosnahan and Oscar Isaac in Anne Kauffman’s revival of “The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window” at the Brooklyn Academy of Music.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesOscar Isaac and Rachel Brosnahan star in a rare revival of Lorraine Hansberry’s “The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window.” More

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      Late Night Weighs in on President Biden’s Annual Physical

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      Jimmy Fallon joked that Vice President Kamala Harris “seemed a little too eager to hear the results.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.So Far, So GoodPresident Joe Biden received a clean bill of health after his annual physical at Walter Reed on Thursday.Late night hosts used the opportunity to poke fun at Biden’s age. Jimmy Fallon joked that Vice President Kamala Harris “seemed a little too eager to hear the results.”“Yeah, it’s never good when the doctor examining you is like, ‘I don’t know if they even make these parts anymore.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, the exam was going great until Biden confused the eye chart for a teleprompter.” — JIMMY FALLON“The White House said Biden’s exam took three hours. It’s never good when your physical has an intermission, you know what I’m saying? Nothing says ‘peak physical condition’ like a doctor’s visit with the same running time as ‘Avatar 2.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fit as a Fiddle Edition)“So today, Joe Biden had his annual physical. It was a clean bill of health, although his X-ray did reveal several classified documents. Gotta look everywhere.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The presidential physical is pretty thorough. They do a colonoscopy, blood tests, and, as part of the dental exam, Biden pulls Air Force One with his teeth.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The physician reported that the president remains healthy and vigorous. That’s right, you tuned in to this show to be entertained, and you are hearing about an 80-year-old man’s doctor visit.” — JAMES CORDEN“Between the F.B.I. search and undergoing a physical, this is a huge week for Biden getting probed.” — JAMES CORDEN“This seems like one of the worst parts of being the president of the United States, just having the entire country know your height, weight and that you’ve got some kind of weird rash.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Daily Show” correspondent Jordan Klepper found out where Republican voters stood on Donald Trump at a recent rally for Nikki Haley, Trump’s first declared rival for the presidential nomination.Also, Check This OutIn the revival, all of the original main characters (except for Casey, played by Lizzy Caplan, not pictured) are either pulled back into cater waiting or never stopped.StarzThe all-star sleeper hit comedy series “Party Down” returns for a new season 14 years after the comedy first premiered on Starz. More

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      Sarah Silverman Defines ‘Woke’ for Newsmax

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      “The Daily Show” guest host Sarah Silverman called Newsmax “basically an even more far-right Fox News — like if your crazy uncle had a crazy uncle.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Sick Burn, BroOn Tuesday, a reporter for Newsmax asked Karine Jean-Pierre, the White House press secretary, if President Biden was “woke.”Sarah Silverman, guest host for “The Daily Show,” called Newsmax “basically an even more far-right Fox News — like if your crazy uncle had a crazy uncle.”“I think we’re just communicating wrong, because, like, what I know ‘woke’ to mean is, like, learning new things about people or the world, and then acting accordingly. Like, basic kindness. Maybe a gesture of care to people who are more vulnerable than you. You know what, actually you wouldn’t like it — it’s Jesus stuff.” — SARAH SILVERMAN“This guy really thinks, ‘Is Joe Biden woke’ was like a hard-hitting question. The real hard-hitting question would be, ‘Is Joe Biden awake?’” — SARAH SILVERMAN“It feels cooler to say, ‘I’m not woke’ than the truth, which is, ‘I’m terrified of what I don’t understand and I only know how to process that as anger because I can’t look inward.’” — SARAH SILVERMANThe Punchiest Punchlines (Probably Not Aliens Edition)“And there’s still confusion about the three unidentified objects the United States government shot down over the weekend. Intelligence officials now say that they do not believe the objects were from China or posed any kind of national security threat. This is all a very evasive way of saying that they shot down three Bud Light blimps.” — JAMES CORDEN“No aliens. Nothing to see here. In a totally unrelated story, Monday, the United States has set up a new task force on U.F.Os.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“According to Axios, the military didn’t classify what the objects were, but they don’t think they were aliens or Chinese spy balloons. Best guess right now is that there are some overly aggressive Re/Max agents on the loose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“China is sticking to their claim that the first one we shot down was a weather balloon that got blown 12,000 miles off course. How ‘off course’ can you get? You missed by an ocean, if that’s the case.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The Pentagon this week described the unidentified object shot down over Canada on Saturday as a ‘small, metallic balloon.’ So it was either a dire national security threat or a wasted 25 cents at a county fair.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth Watching“Jimmy Kimmel Live” found a bunch of people who lied on camera about seeing a fictional U.F.O. on Wednesday’s “Lie Witness News.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightTina Fey will hang out with her old friend Seth Meyers on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutStephan DybusPodcast companies are feeling the strain of oversaturation and overspending. More

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      Stephen Colbert is Underwhelmed by Nikki Haley’s Big Announcement

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      “As she said in her campaign announcement tweet, ‘Get excited,’” Colbert said on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Nicky Fail-y’Former Gov. Nikki Haley of South Carolina announced she’s running for president early Tuesday morning.“Of course, any campaign veteran will tell you there is no better time to drop the biggest political news of your life than on Valentine’s Day at 6:48 a.m.” Stephen Colbert said. “Yeah, a day everyone’s thinking about something else at a time when no one is awake.”“The only way this could make a smaller splash is if Haley had whispered it into a bowl of soup.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“As she said in her campaign announcement tweet ‘Get excited.’ A grateful pass.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But this is going to be a tough race for Nikki Haley. Right now, she’s polling at just one percent, and that’s pretty bad. I mean, you know, even Mike Pence is at two percent. Mike Pence’s noose rope is at five percent, which is V.P. material.” — SARAH SILVERMAN“She said she believes the Republican Party needs to go in a new direction. I think you’d have more luck convincing a swarm of moths to go in a new direction. The whole ‘towards the light’ thing isn’t really working.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Haley is the first prominent Republican to challenge Donald Trump, she’s the first female governor of South Carolina and the first candidate to spell her name like the bass player from Mötley Crüe, so …” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Now I guess this means Trump has to come up with a mean nickname for her. ‘Cuz right now he’s pacing around Mar-a-Lago going ‘Sicky Nikki? Nikki Fail-y? Oh, Nikki Epic Fail-y?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Today, former Trump cabinet member Nikki Haley announced that she is running for president. Yep. She served in Trump’s cabinet, which is listed on her website in very, very small font.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Folder Enthusiast Edition)“A lawyer for former President Trump said recently that Trump was using a manila folder marked ‘classified’ to block a small light on a landline phone next to his bed. Even weirder: all the ones that he taped up to use in place of curtains.” — SETH MEYERS“I don’t know, maybe use an eye mask, get a, you know, a different bedside phone, put a Post-it on it?” — JAMES CORDEN“Basically, he’s saying, ‘I’m not a traitor, I’m a hoarder!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Which is more embarrassing for Trump: the fact that he kept top-secret documents or admitting he collects folders? I mean, how dull do you have to be to be a folder enthusiast?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The worst thing about this story is now I’m picturing Trump in bed on a landline phone talking to Tucker Carlson, sort of twirling the cord around his finger going, ‘No, you hang up!’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Alison Brie recreated a Valentine’s Day memory from high school on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar will sit down with Sarah Silverman on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutA museum in Croatia displays mementos and stories of people’s failed relationships.via Museum of Broken RelationshipsThe Museum of Broken Relationships in Croatia collects mementos people around the world send in symbolizing their failed romances. More