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      Jimmy Kimmel: Trump NFTs Are ‘Literally Cards Against Humanity’

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      “At least last time, you got a red hat. Now he’s selling you nothing,” Kimmel said of Trump’s new digital trading cards.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Cards Against Humanity’On Thursday, former President Donald Trump made what he’d promoted the day before as a major announcement: the release of digital NFT trading cards featuring Trump as a superhero, an astronaut and several other fantastical figures, for $99 each.Jimmy Kimmel complained that they’re not even real trading cards, but digital ones, “which is another way of saying nothing.”“At least last time, you got a red hat. Now he’s selling you nothing! It’s literally Cards Against Humanity.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know your campaign isn’t going well when your re-election strategy is, ‘Maybe people will like me as a Pokemon.’ Trump was like, ‘These cards are like classified documents — you’ve got to catch them all.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The ex-president of the United States, the ex-most powerful man in the world, has launched a line of trading cards. It’s Grope-e-mon, with Pikacoup.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is the least-dignified attempt at post-presidential merchandising since the launch of Tickle-me-Truman.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And by the way, we already have Donald Trump trading cards — they’re called subpoenas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In a way, this is all kind of gratifying to me, because a monster who tried to install himself as our fascist strongman is now reduced to hawking a line of trading cards. It’s like if Hitler escaped the bunker and released Mein Komic Book.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (QAnon Meets QVC Edition)“After teasing a ‘major announcement’ on his social media platform Truth Social, former President Trump announced today he is releasing a collection of digital trading cards. It’s what his doctors are calling ‘a new symptom.’” — SETH MEYERS“I know we say ‘This is crazy’ a lot, but this is crazy! He’s selling NFTs like a crypto bro — while he’s running for president.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s a business genius! Jumping in on the NFT market, when it’s at its hottest. Next, he’s releasing an exclusive line of rotary phones.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Also, got to love the timing of a former president launching his NFT line the same week a crypto scammer gets arrested. [imitating Trump] ‘They got S.B.F.? Looks like there’s an opening available, then!’” — SETH MEYERS“The timing, too. It’s astonishing. Three days after that FTX guy got arrested for fraud, Trump said, ‘Now is the time to get into the imaginary baseball card market.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If you saw that at 2 a.m., would you be like, ‘Am I having an Ambien dream?” — JIMMY FALLON“Oh, look at this — it’s like QAnon meets QVC, it really is.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Even the most die-hard Trump supporters were like, ‘OK, now I’m worried.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Even the MyPillow guy was going, ‘I think Trump’s lost it.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingAnderson Cooper and Andy Cohen joined Stephen Colbert for “Rescue Dog Rescue” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This Out“Drama is something I’ve always wanted to do from the beginning, and just went a long way round to get to it,” said Eddie Izzard, who for most of her career has been best known for comedy.Josefina Santos for The New York TimesThe British comedian and actor Eddie Izzard will play every character in a new Off Broadway adaptation of “Great Expectations.” More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Jokes About Elon Musk’s Business Acumen

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      Maybe Musk “finally read ‘The Art of the Deal,’” Kimmel said, after reports emerged that Twitter had stopped paying its bills. Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bad for BusinessElon Musk is no longer the world’s richest person, following a drop in Tesla shares. And one of his other companies, Twitter, has stopped paying rent on its offices and has stiffed some of its vendors, according to reports.“Of all the problems I would have guessed the second-richest man in the world would have, paying rent wasn’t one of them,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “Maybe he should change the name from Twitter to ‘Squatter,’ you know?”“Don’t worry, Elon. You still have your sparkling wit and personality.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Here’s what happened: Most of Musk’s fortune comes from Tesla, but in the last year, Tesla stock has lost about 50 percent of its value, in part because Musk’s Twitter politics are adding pressure on Tesla’s brand image. And it doesn’t help that the new Model X comes pre-loaded with Kanye’s tweets.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He’s also apparently stopped paying his vendors. I guess, I don’t know, maybe he finally read ‘The Art of the Deal’ and now he’s doing it Trump-style.”— JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Holding Out for a Hero Edition)“Is he announcing Dean Cain as his running mate?” — JIMMY FALLON, on a post from Donald Trump promising a “major announcement,” with a video featuring Trump as a superhero“I think the major announcement is that Trump has a lot of time on his hands.” — JIMMY FALLON“Right after that was released, Ron DeSantis’s poll numbers shot up another 20 points.” — JIMMY FALLON“Maybe Eric learned to tie his shoes? Who knows?” — JIMMY KIMMEL, speculating about the nature of the announcement“I don’t know about you, but I won’t be able to sleep tonight, waiting to find out.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden was incredulous to learn that the “Late Late Show” band doesn’t like Mariah Carey’s iconic Christmas anthem.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightBesties Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper will pop by Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe director Alexandra Pelosi, right, recording her mother, Nancy Pelosi, for the documentary “Pelosi in the House.”HBOAlexandra Pelosi directed the new HBO documentary about her mother, Nancy, “Pelosi in the House.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Doesn’t Want to Editorialize, but He Will

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      Colbert was shocked by a report that 34 lawmakers texted Mark Meadows about subverting the 2020 election. “That is unbelievable — 34 people wanted to talk to Mark Meadows!” he said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.He Gets AroundStephen Colbert was amazed by a report that 34 Republican lawmakers had exchanged text messages with Mark Meadows, the former Trump chief of staff, about overturning the 2020 election results.“That is unbelievable — 34 people wanted to talk to Mark Meadows!” Colbert said on Tuesday night.“These members of Congress communicating with Meadows were — and it’s not my place to editorialize — stupid, evil traitors who were trying to do crimes against democracy, for which they should be punished with decades of jail time.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Turns out the calls were coming from inside the House — and the Senate.” — JIMMY KIMMELJimmy Kimmel said “all the usual suspects” were among the 34, including Ted Cruz, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Jim Jordan. “It’s like a gang of Batman’s dumbest enemies,” he said. Another was Representative Ralph Norman of South Carolina, who was said to have written that “we are at a point of no return in saving our Republic!! Our LAST HOPE is invoking Marshall Law!!”“But instead of ‘martial’ he spelled it ‘Marshall,’ like the chain of off-price department stores. And if Marshall Law doesn’t work, we’ll mobilize the TJ Maxxinistas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Thank God this coup wasn’t planned by people who could solve the Wordle. We’d all be in a lot of trouble right now.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Respecting Marriage Edition)“Today, President Biden hosted a ceremony on the South Lawn to sign a bill that mandates federal recognition for same-sex marriages. When he heard, Mike Pence was like, ‘Barkeep, give me a shot of whole milk. Just leave the whole carton.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Respecting marriage? Wow, he really is undoing all of Trump’s orders.” — SETH MEYERS“That bill passed with strong bipartisan support in the House and Senate. Wow, even the partisanship was bi. That’s really great.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, the bill protects all marriages, unless you’re one of those couples who feed each other in public. Then you’re on your own.” — JIMMY FALLON“That is great news. And I hope you were listening, Alan and Brad. No more excuses. Grandma’s not going to live forever. I booked the Doubletree by the lake for June 9. Get a linen suit.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers took Lizzo day drinking on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightTegan and Sara will perform a song from their new album “Crybaby” on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutSZA revels in mixed emotions on her second studio album. Jemal Countess/Getty ImagesSZA puts complex craftsmanship into songs that sound like spontaneous confessions on her new album, “SOS.” More

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      Late Night Isn’t Amused by Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Jan. 6 Joke

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      The Republican congresswoman said that if she and Steve Bannon had planned the Capitol riot, “we would have won.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Coulda Shoulda WouldaAt a Republican gala on Saturday, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia made a joke about the Jan. 6 riot: “If Steve Bannon and I had organized that, we would have won.” She added, “Not to mention, it would have been armed.”“You see, the joke is, conservatives are such bloodthirsty psychopaths, if they had actually planned the insurrection on the Capitol, it would have been way more violent,” Seth Meyers said on Monday. “That’s like if Holiday Inn ran an ad that said, ‘If “White Lotus” took place here, a lot more people would have died.’”“Now, let me just say if I saw Greene with a gun, I would definitely be scared, but I refuse to believe Steve Bannon knows how to use one. No one who layers polo shirts is good with a firearm. In a way, they’d make fun partners in a buddy cop movie.” — SETH MEYERS“So, by ‘we’ she means the rioters, and by ‘would have won’ she means ‘overthrown the government’?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“[Imitating Marjorie Taylor Greene] If I had been in charge of invading my own office, Mike Pence wouldn’t just look like a ghost, he’d be one!’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Keep Your Day Job, Elon Edition)“Elon is being slammed for a tweet he posted yesterday that said, ‘My pronouns are prosecute and Fauci.’ Fauci was like, ‘Yep, much like a Tesla battery, Elon’s on fire.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s like a joke generated by A.I. — it makes no sense. The structure is wrong, it doesn’t rhyme with anything, there are too many syllables. It’s exactly the kind of joke you would expect from a guy who named his son after the bottom row of an eye chart.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, you could tell Fauci wasn’t having it because he wrote back, ‘Congrats on making Twitter the Johnson & Johnson vaccine of social media.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingMichelle Obama exchanged Christmas gifts with Jimmy Kimmel on his Monday night show.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightStanley Tucci will pop by “The Tonight Show” on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutSteve Tientcheu in “Les Misérables.”Julien Magre/Amazon StudiosMovies about soccer are often eclectic and at times unclassifiable, drawing from multiple continents and genres. More

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      Stephen Colbert Thanks Santa After Trump Organization Is Found Guilty

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      Late night hosts were thrilled after the former president’s company was convicted on all 17 counts it faced, including tax fraud.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Christmas MiracleOn Tuesday, the Trump Organization was convicted on 17 counts of tax fraud and other crimes.“Oh, Santa, you got my letter!” Stephen Colbert riffed on the news.“Trump is bragging it’s the most counts ever.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And you know what that means? Donald Trump is going to prison — to visit all the lower-ranking people that did this without his knowledge or his permission.” — TREVOR NOAH“Nothing ever happens to Donald Trump. He’ll probably try to convince us he’s never even heard of the Trump Organization.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“All the successes and Trump’s organization, they are due to the genius of Donald Trump. All the crimes, he had no idea. He’s like, [imitating Donald Trump] ‘That’s right, folks. I have zero control over the things I run, which is why you should vote for me to run the country so I can run it like one of my companies, which I don’t even run. I don’t even run.’” — TREVOR NOAH“What happened was, top execs in the organization got around paying their fair share of taxes through a series of schemes that included off-the-books perks like luxury cars and free apartments. Because nothing makes you look less guilty than giving all your execs a getaway car and a hide-out.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“There’s no word yet on how this is going to impact Trump’s re-election campaign. The reason for that is that it probably won’t.” — JAMES CORDEN“Executives in the organization received fancy apartments, Mercedes-Benzes, even private school tuition for relatives, none of which they paid tax on. I just have to ask: Are they hiring?” — JAMES CORDEN“I don’t get this — how is the organization guilty, but not Donald Trump? This is like if McDonald’s got in trouble, but the Hamburglar got off scot-free.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Herschel Walker’s Last Push Edition)“In Georgia, Raphael Warnock and Herschel Walker are going head-to-head injury in the Senate runoff.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Walker spent the day making one final push, which is unusual for him. Usually during the final push, he’s miles away from the hospital at a Waffle House telling a waitress she could be ‘the one.’”— JIMMY KIMMEL“Voters were out at the polls all day, and at 11:35 Eastern time, with 0 percent of precincts reporting, because we taped the show at 5:30, ‘The Late Show’ is ready to project that Herschel Walker does not belong in the Senate.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The U.S. Senate is no place for people whose brains don’t work because of football injuries; it’s a place for people whose brains don’t work because they’re 1,000 years old.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s not like Herschel didn’t try — he spent years fathering as many voters as possible.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingAmy Poehler and Maya Rudolph appeared on Tuesday’s “Late Night,” where they challenged Seth Meyers to ask them a tough question.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe Linda Lindas will perform on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This Out“Who am I?” asks Orlando, played by Emma Corrin, in a new production at Garrick Theater in London.Marc BrennerEmma Corrin straddles genders and centuries in Neil Bartlett’s breezy adaptation of Virginia Woolf’s novel “Orlando,” now playing at the Garrick Theater in London. More

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      Trevor Noah Takes on Trump’s Attempt to Terminate the Constitution

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      “There was no proof of a conspiracy to help defeat Donald Trump,” Noah said. “But you know who doesn’t care about any of that? Donald Trump.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The TerminatorOver the weekend, Donald Trump floated the idea of terminating the Constitution. He was responding to a report about Twitter, specifically its decision, during the 2020 presidential campaign, to block links to an article about Hunter Biden’s laptop.As Trevor Noah noted, some people expected the report — hyped in advance by Twitter’s new owner, Elon Musk — to show that Twitter had colluded with Democrats to repress the story. Instead, it seemed to show the Biden campaign asking Twitter to take down not-safe-for-work Hunter Biden photos. Still, Trump seemed to believe it proved “Massive Fraud” that justified the “termination” of parts of the Constitution, in order to reverse the election results.“There was no proof of a conspiracy to help defeat Donald Trump,” Noah said. “But you know who doesn’t care about any of that? Donald Trump.”“The Constitution is one of the documents he actually stole and took to Mar-a-Lago.” — JAMES CORDEN“Former President Trump on Saturday said that the 2020 election should be overturned and the Constitution should be terminated. Well, I’ll say this for him, he does give a memorable wedding toast.” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, that’s right. The Republican front-runner for president of the United States wants to terminate the Constitution because Twitter wouldn’t allow him to see Hunter Biden’s [expletive].”— TREVOR NOAH“Again with the Hunter Biden laptop! Give it a rest! You don’t hear anyone obsessing over the former president’s son’s laptop. And Eric’s got a good one — it’s made by Fisher-Price, and it can tell you what sound a cow makes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So yeah, sorry, everyone, if you want to see naked people, you’ve got to go to every other website on the internet, I guess.” — TREVOR NOAH“You know, not everyone is a stable enough genius to write down their intention to overthrow democracy in a social media post, but he thinks the Constitution is something that can be terminated, like it’s Meat Loaf on an episode of ‘Celebrity Apprentice.’ It doesn’t go like that.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s only fair. Trump got to win an election through Facebook, Biden should get to win one through Twitter.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Walker’s Big Run Edition)“Some political news, tomorrow is the Georgia Senate runoff between Herschel Walker and Senator Raphael Warnock. Warnock’s supporters said that they’re voting for him because of his policies, while Walker’s supporters say they’re voting for him because it’s funny.” — JIMMY FALLON“More than 1.8 million Georgia residents have already voted, and that’s just Herschel Walker’s children.” — JIMMY FALLON“Right now, Warnock is leading Walker in the polls by about four points. Yeah, only four points. That explains Warnock’s slogan, ‘Even if I win, I’m genuinely hurt.’” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden said on Friday that Democrats must win the Georgia Senate runoff to avoid a 50-50 split in the chamber. ‘But that would mean the end of my presidency!’ said Joe Manchin.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Haley Lu Richardson shared the first text message she received from her co-star Aubrey Plaza before they started working together on “The White Lotus.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe all-woman tap group Syncopated Ladies will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJerrod Carmichael in a scene from his HBO stand-up special “Rothaniel.”HBOJerrod Carmichael’s “Rothaniel” and Atsuko Okatsuka’s forthcoming HBO Max special “The Intruder” are among the best comedy of 2022. More

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      Stephen Colbert Asks Santa to Put Mike Lindell in Charge of the G.O.P.

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      “Dear Santa, I have been a very good boy this year,” Colbert said to his Christmas Wish Cam about the MyPillow C.E.O.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.All I Want For ChristmasEarlier this week, Mike Lindell, the chief executive of MyPillow, announced his campaign to become chair of the Republican National Committee.“Sorry, I just need a moment,” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday night, turning to his Christmas Wish Cam.“Dear Santa, I have been a very good boy this year. I just want one thing for Christmas: Please put the screamy mustache man in charge of the Republican Party.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But despite Lindell’s MAGA loyalty, the former president has not yet publicly supported his bid. Wow. he hasn’t said anything supportive? But Lindell’s been like a son to — oh, yeah. All right. That makes sense.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But I’m a bit worried here, because an R.N.C. election pitting Lindell against incumbent Ronna McDaniel could tear the party apart between MyPillow MAGA crazies and traditional conservatives, which is why I propose a compromise candidate, someone right down the middle: Pillow. He’s got everything the Republicans want — he’s white, and he’s square.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Early Bird Special Edition)“Today, President Biden hosted French President Emmanuel Macron for the first White House state dinner in more than three years. Yep, the French like to eat late, so Biden was like, ‘Got it, 4:30 it is.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The Bidens hosted the French president and his wife for the first official state dinner. Biden does state dinners a little differently than former presidents — they happen at 4 o’clock, and then everybody goes to bed.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“A state dinner at the White House. I wonder if they serve French food or, as Macron calls it, food.” — JAMES CORDEN“This is a landmark event between the United States and France. They’ve finally started negotiations to get Emily out of Paris.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Jimmy Kimmel Live” special correspondent Jake Byrd riled up fans at a recent Herschel Walker rally in Georgia before speaking with the Senate candidate himself.Also, Check This OutEmma Corrin and Jack O’Connell star in the latest version of “Lady Chatterley’s Lover.”NetflixThe new Netflix adaptation of D.H. Lawrence’s “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” stays faithful to the novel. More

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      Stephen Colbert Is Conflicted Over Oath Keepers Leader’s Conviction

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      Colbert said he felt “pretty darn good” about Stewart Rhodes’s verdict: “and I feel a little bad about that, because the thing I feel great about is somebody else going to prison.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lock Him Up!A jury convicted the Oath Keepers leader Stewart Rhodes of seditious conspiracy on Tuesday, for his participation in the attack on the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021.Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday night that he was conflicted about feeling “pretty darn good” about the news, adding “and I feel a little bad about that, because the thing I feel great about is somebody else going to prison.”“Rhodes was also found guilty of other bad stuff, which is why he is now facing a maximum of 60 years in prison. That’s a long time, baby. That’s a long stretch. On the bright side, by 2082, the hip new look might be steampunk cowboy pirate.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, when you hear the name ‘Oath Keepers,’ you know, and that eye patch, it makes Rhodes sort of seem like a heroic freedom rebel. In reality, he’s a disbarred Yale law grad who wears an eye patch after accidentally shooting himself in the face with his own gun. Oops-a-karma!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s embarrassing, is what it is. That’s like finding out Rambo wears that headband to cover up his ‘live, laugh, love’ tattoo.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This conviction, make no mistake, is a huge deal. It marks the very first time that a jury has decided that the Jan. 6 violence was the product of an organized conspiracy. Well, yeah! I watched it — it sure seemed organized. I don’t remember any headlines that said, ‘Capitol Meet-Cute Gets Out of Hand.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Rhodes is such a scumbag, even his estranged wife chimed in, saying that the conviction is the first time Rhodes has ever faced consequences. Damn! Damn! That is what you call ‘winning the breakup.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (It’s Lit Edition)“December is minutes away from happening, and they got the holidays started in our nation’s capitol tonight. The president and first lady took part in the 100th lighting of the National Christmas Tree. Tonight, thousands of Americans gathered outside the White House to watch an old man flip a light switch.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The tree, it’s 27 feet tall. They did not chop it down. It is a live white fir tree, it was planted last October, after the previous National Christmas Tree was removed in May of 2021 because it had a fungal disease — the second time that year that a fungus had to be removed from the White House.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Wednesday’s “Tonight Show,” Dolly Parton addressed rumors of a secret unreleased song not be released until 2045.What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night“Stranger Things” star Dave Harbour will talk about his new film, “Violent Night,” on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutChristine McVie of Fleetwood Mac performing at Madison Square Garden in 2014.Charles Sykes/Invision, via Associated PressHere’s a playlist of the 12 best, and best-remembered, songs of Christine McVie, the Fleetwood Mac singer, songwriter and keyboardist who died on Wednesday at 79. More