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      Late Night Is Getting Antsy for a Trump Indictment

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      The former president was not charged Tuesday, as he predicted. “Right now in Times Square, Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen are hosting the indictment countdown,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Book him!Former President Donald Trump was not arrested on Tuesday, as he previously suggested would happen. A Manhattan grand jury could indict him as early as Wednesday over a secret payment to a porn star to cover up a tryst.Jimmy Fallon said that people were excited to see Trump officially charged. “Right now in Times Square, Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen are hosting the indictment countdown,” Fallon said.“I read that former President Trump is expected to be formally charged tomorrow but will not surrender until next week. Yeah, apparently Trump signed up for the government’s ‘charge now, pay later’ option.” — JIMMY FALLON“They’re actually delaying it a bit so the courtroom sketch artist has enough time to load up on orange pencils.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Jail to the Chief’ Edition)“We should have known he wasn’t getting arrested the minute he said he was getting arrested.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And I have to say, it’s really a shame he wasn’t arrested today, because what better day for Trump to get arrested than on Rosie O’Donnell’s birthday?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s the last time I believe something that guy says.” — AL FRANKEN, guest host of “The Daily Show”“Here’s a question: If Trump goes to prison, does the Secret Service go with him? Like, do they have to be in? Do they have to serve? It sounds like the premise for a Mark Wahlberg/Kevin Hart movie, right? ‘Jail to the Chief.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Tell you what: I bet Trump’s ready to defund the police now.” — JAMES CORDEN“Melania is at Mar-a-logo like, ‘Please don’t put him under house arrest, please don’t put him under house arrest. Anything but house arrest!’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian Nicole Byer talked about the difficulty of pulling off D.I.Y. projects on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe singer-songwriter Caroline Polachek will perform a track from her new album “Desire, I Want to Turn Into You” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“It was a really lovely bunch of actors,” Matthew Macfadyen said about his “Succession” colleagues. “It’s a weird thing, the grief when you finish a job.”Mark Sommerfeld for The New York TimesThe “Succession” star Matthew Macfadyen is experiencing “a complicated mélange of feelings” about the end of the hit HBO series. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Celebrates ‘the Calm Before the Stormy’

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      Kimmel joked that indictments were “in the air” after former President Donald Trump said he expected to be arrested on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Save the DateFormer President Donald Trump published a Truth Social post on Saturday saying that he expected to be arrested on Tuesday and requested supporters to “protest, take our nation back.”During his Monday night monologue, Jimmy Kimmel joked that indictments were “in the air.”“It’s really magical,” he said. “It’s the calm before the Stormy.”“You know what, we’ve been saying for years that one of these days, we’re going to wake up, and Trump will have been arrested for one of these many crimes? Well, that day could be tomorrow.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You’ve got to give it to him. It’s not often that everyone sends out a save-the-date for their own arrest.” — JIMMY FALLON“But you never know with him. Either he’s about to actually be arrested or he’s releasing another round of digital trading cards for us to buy. We don’t know for sure.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The truth is, there’s no good reason for Trump to be in any of this trouble. If Casa-no-brain had just paid Stormy Daniels the $130,000 himself out of his Pizza Hut money or whatever, he wouldn’t be in this situation. He wouldn’t have an issue in New York. So many of his legal problems are based on him being an idiot. If President Karen hadn’t picked up the phone and called around Georgia, asking to speak to its manager to find 11,000 votes, he wouldn’t have an issue in Georgia. If he just tweeted the words ‘Calm down, go home’ four hours earlier like everyone, including his daughter, told him to, he wouldn’t have an issue on Jan. 6. And if the great white hope chest hadn’t boxed up his love letters from the Saudis and Kim Jong-un — if he hadn’t squirreled them out of the White House and into the rec room at Golf-a-logo — he wouldn’t have an issue with the F.B.I. In every case, the reason he’s in trouble is because he is the dumbest criminal in the world. He brought this all on himself. He’s Al Ca-BoneHead, is what he is.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Another Failed Business Venture Edition)“Police are going to be like, ‘You have the right to remain silent — now, but also in general. Just think about it. Just something to think about.’” — JIMMY FALLON“You know, if they want Trump’s fingerprints, they could have just looked at the Cheetos dust on his Diet Coke cans.” — JIMMY FALLON“And I’ve got to say, who would have ever thought that Donald Trump would be brought down by a porn star? All of us, right? It was pretty — pretty predictable.” — AL FRANKEN, guest host of “The Daily Show”“But, yeah, Donald Trump paid Stormy Daniels to keep this story quiet, and here we are, still talking about it seven years later, so that would be another failed Trump business venture.” — AL FRANKEN“You know it’s bad when a former president announces that he’s going to be arrested and the general response is, ‘For which crime?’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingAl Franken invited Senator Lindsey Graham to be his first interview as guest host of “The Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe comedian and television host Nicole Byer will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutTaylor Swift kicked off her Eras Tour in Glendale, Ariz.Cassidy Araiza for The New York TimesTaylor Swift opened her Eras Tour on Friday with a three-hour show traversing her 10-album career. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Mocks Trump’s New Lawyer

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      Kimmel joked that Joe Tacopina “seems to have been born in the ashtray of Rudy Giuliani’s Lincoln Continental.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘He-Hulk: Attorney at Law’Former President Donald Trump’s attorney, Joe Tacopina, appeared on MSNBC on Tuesday, where he defended his client and argued that Trump was not a liar, specifically in regard to hush money paid to Stormy Daniels.Jimmy Kimmel jokingly referred to Tacopina as “He-Hulk: Attorney at Law,” saying he “seems to have been born in the ashtray of Rudy Giuliani’s Lincoln Continental.”“It looks like he holds meetings in the back office at the Bada Bing!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Ralph Macchio had better representation in ‘My Cousin Vinny’ than Donald Trump has with this man.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump is either going to jail for zero years, or 1,000. There’s nothing in between.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bye Bye, TikTok Edition)“The Biden administration is ordering the Chinese parent company of TikTok to either sell the app or face a possible ban. It is a bold move by Biden. If he bans TikTok, China will only be able to spy on us with literally everything else.” — JIMMY FALLON“Don’t mess with this man — he has no use for your addictive apps. Biden’s the kind of guy who can make it through a whole two-week vacation with nothing but a deck of cards and a print edition of Sports Illustrated.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingKal Penn ended his “Daily Show” run with a look into how young voters are being suppressed.Also, Check This Out“I didn’t think I was this brave, no sirree,” Dominique Fishback said about finding what it took to play a killer. “I’m from Brooklyn, I’m an Aries and all that stuff, but I’m very, very sensitive.”Michael Tyrone Delaney for The New York TimesDominique Fishback plays an obsessive fan of a Beyoncé-like pop star in “Swarm,” Amazon’s new series cocreated by Donald Glover. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Says Trump Can’t Blame Mike Pence for Jan. 6

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      Pence could be blamed for a lot of things, Kimmel said, but not the attack on the Capitol: “They tried to hang him on Jan. 6.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Passing the BlameAt a public appearance in Iowa over the weekend, former President Donald Trump blamed former Vice President Mike Pence for Jan. 6.“Listen, Mike Pence can be blamed for a lot of things, like shampooing with white-out, but he didn’t cause Jan. 6,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “They tried to hang him on Jan. 6.”“Trump said since Pence refused to help him overturn the election, he, ‘in many ways deserves blame for what happened at the Capitol,’ which is the presidential equivalent of, ‘If the teller had just put the money in the bag, everybody would have made it home safe.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He said if Mike Pence hadn’t refused to overturn the election, ‘you wouldn’t have had Jan. 6 as we call it.’ Yeah, right. That’s what the calendar calls it, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I have to say, I can’t wait to see Pence debating Donald Trump. It’s going to be like Elmo versus Cocaine Bear.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (I Created a Monster Edition)“Meanwhile, ahead of his speech in Iowa, Trump said that Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is ‘probably’ his biggest rival for the Republican presidential nomination. Trump said his only other rivals are the Justice Department and high cholesterol.” — JIMMY FALLON“The former president also went after his chief 2024 rival, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, whom he claimed is in the national spotlight only because of the former president’s 2018 endorsement, saying, ‘If it weren’t for me, Ron DeSanctimonious would right now probably be working at a law firm or maybe a Pizza Hut.’ Or, if he was really ambitious, a combination law firm-Pizza Hut.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The former president also explained his new nickname for DeSantis, saying, ‘I use the word Ron DeSanctimonious or Ron DeSanctus, it’s just a shorter version.’ Yes, because all nicknames need a nickname.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe rapper Bad Bunny joined James Corden for a round of Carpool Karaoke on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightVice President Kamala Harris will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMelanie Lynskey’s character in “Yellowjackets” is as comfortable skinning a rabbit as she is defrosting a roast.Philip Cheung for The New York TimesThe New Zealand actress Melanie Lynskey stars in two of TV’s current hit thrillers: “Yellowjackets” and “The Last of Us.” More

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      Late Night Sums Up the Silicon Valley Bank Situation

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      “It’s pretty bad when the very first time you ever hear of a bank is when they’re going out of business,” Stephen Colbert said on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Don’t Bank on ItOn Friday, federal regulars seized control of Silicon Valley Bank, which was the 16th largest bank in the United States before its collapse.“It’s pretty bad when the very first time you ever hear of a bank is when they’re going out of business,” Stephen Colbert joked on Monday.“I don’t see how a bank could lose all their money that fast. Why don’t they just attach the money to those chains they put on the pens?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s never good when people who are watching CNBC are shrieking louder than the people watching ‘Scream VI.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Silicon Valley Bank knew they were in trouble when they saw themselves in the Oscars’ ‘In Memoriam.’” — JIMMY FALLON“On the bright side, it was refreshing to hear about a crash that had nothing to do with a self-driving Tesla, don’t you think?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Safe Word Edition)“President Biden spoke this morning about Friday’s collapse of Silicon Valley Bank and reassured Americans the country’s financial system is safe. But remember, this is a guy whose whole financial system is definitely a coffee can on a high shelf.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, President Biden reassured Americans the country’s financial system is safe. OK, I think the fact that you’re talking about a bank collapse proves it isn’t. That’s like going to a funeral and giving a eulogy about how Nana’s going to be fine.” — SETH MEYERS“Biden tried to put everyone at ease. He said, ‘Don’t worry, I got through the first Great Depression. I’ll get through this one.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Hearing from Biden actually did make me feel better, because you know if it were really bad, he would have been like, ‘Kamala, you take this one.’” — JIMMY FALLON“In response, Trump said, ‘It’s times like these where we need a president with experience of multiple bankruptcies.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingPresident Joe Biden took this week’s “The Daily Show” host Kal Penn on a tour of the Oval Office.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe stand-up comic Mae Martin will talk about their upcoming Netflix special, “Sap,” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutSpecial Agent Allen Grove, who helps lead the F.B.I.’s art crime unit.Jake Michaels for The New York TimesThe F.B.I.’s art crime team is seeing increased interest in its work. More

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      Stephen Colbert Is Not Paying $99 for Trump’s New Book

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      “Yes, it sounds expensive, but how should he know?” the “Late Show” host said. “He’s never bought a book.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Dear DonaldDonald Trump has a new book coming out: “Letters to Trump,” a collection of missives he’s received from public figures over the last 40 years.The price? A mere $99. Stephen Colbert says it’s part of Trump’s “insatiable need for cash and external validation.”“Now, you may be thinking, ‘Hey, Steve, this book sounds like another one of our greedy ex-president’s shameless cash grabs,’ and you would think real good, because this book he didn’t write costs $99. Yes, it sounds expensive, but how should he know? He’s never bought a book.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, I mean, it’s good to know he’s finally learned his letters: [singing] A, B, C, D, E, F, G, person-woman-man, camera, TV.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Former President Trump is releasing a book called ‘Letters to Trump’ that’s made up of 150 private letters sent to him by big-name celebrities like Oprah, the Clintons, and Liza Minnelli. It’s kind of strange. Trump is bragging, like, ‘Look at all the friends I used to have. It’s all in the book.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, the first five letters are from celebrities, the rest are just fan mail from Scott Baio.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Final Notice Edition)“Former President Trump is set next month to publish a new book of private letters sent to him titled ‘Letters to Trump.’ Though, really, it’s mostly final notices from utility companies.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s actually a book of correspondence written to him, so, naturally, the cover features him writing a letter.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I would like to see the letters that Trump wrote. Like, [imitating Trump] ‘My dearest Colonel Sanders, I can’t wait to meet you.’” — JIMMY FALLON“If the book does well, the next volume will be a collection of his favorite subpoenas.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOmar Epps, the actor, sat down with his longtime friend Marlon Wayans on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutJessica Chastain and Arian Moayed as Nora and Torvald Helmer in “A Doll’s House” at the Hudson Theater. Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesJessica Chastain stars as Nora Helmer in Jamie Lloyd’s modernized Broadway revival of “A Doll’s House,” now playing at the Hudson Theater. More

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      Late Night Can’t Believe Tucker Carlson’s Texts About Trump

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      “Oh, my God, it turns out the Trump hatred was coming from inside the house!” Seth Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fox News and FrenemiesNew documents released as part of the defamation lawsuit filed by Dominion Voting Systems against Fox News revealed that the popular host Tucker Carlson sent several denigrating texts about former President Donald Trump. In one text, Carlson wrote of Trump, “I hate him passionately.”“Oh, my God, it turns out the Trump hatred was coming from inside the house!” Seth Meyers said.“Wait, wait, are you telling me Tucker Carlson is secretly sane? I would feel so betrayed if I was a Fox viewer. This is like if you joined a cult, sold all your belongings, shaved your head, moved to the desert, and then it turns out the cult leader is just, like, a Methodist.” — SETH MEYERS“You hate him? But talking about him is the thing that pays your big salary!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, Tucker Carlson said he couldn’t wait to ignore Trump and that he hated Trump passionately. That’s as damning as the time I got caught texting Trump, ‘Real talk, I also think windmills kill birds.’” — SETH MEYERS“The only thing I thought Tucker was capable of hating with a passion were female M&M’s who are a seven or lower.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s fighting words! White-on-white crime, let’s go!” — MARLON WAYANS, guest host of “The Daily Show”“To be fair, I feel like every friend group has a second group text for that one person they secretly hate.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Banned by Biden Edition)“Well, guys, the White House just backed a bipartisan Senate bill that would give President Biden the power to ban TikTok, or as they’re calling it on TikTok, the ‘trying to lose the election’ challenge.” — JIMMY FALLON“I wouldn’t worry just yet. As of now, Biden thinks TikTok is the clock on ‘60 Minutes.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, Biden could end TikTok at any time simply by making an account.” — SETH MEYERS“Don’t worry — to make it up, Biden promised us that he’d give everybody 100 free hours of AOL.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, officials think China is using TikTok to spy on us, and China was like, ‘Yeah, well, we had a backup idea, but you shot it down.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingKerry Washington played a guessing game with Jimmy Fallon called “Mmm Hmmm Hmmm” on “The Tonight Show” on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightLily Tomlin and Jane Fonda will appear on “Late Show” on Thursday.Also, Check This OutFans and new readers alike will appreciate this list of essential works by the mystery writer Patricia Highsmith. More

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      Stephen Colbert Ponders a Trump-Kari Lake Ticket

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      Donald Trump is said to be considering the Arizona politician, who also denies having lost an election. Colbert says she’s the “governor of the state of denial.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Who’s the Lucky Lady?A report says Donald Trump is considering a female running mate for 2024, in hopes of winning over suburban white women. On Tuesday, Stephen Colbert noted that Kari Lake, who still denies that she lost Arizona’s gubernatorial race last year, was said to be a contender.“Lake lost her election and refuses to admit it, but she has got one win under her belt,” Colbert said, referring to a conservative conference in Washington where a straw poll found her to be the top choice for the vice presidency.“She must have been so honored to have MAGA voters choose her as the next vice president they try to hang.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, since it’s Trump, he’ll make the decision after holding a Miss Vice President pageant.” — JIMMY FALLON“But Lake found a way to deny this election as well, saying through a spokesperson, ‘We’re flattered, but unfortunately, our legal team says the Constitution won’t allow for her to serve as governor and V.P. at the same time.’ That’s a good point — Kari Lake is currently the sitting governor of the state of denial.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mona Lisa Edition)“Sightseeing, my Black [expletive]. If you have to punch a cop on your way in, you’re not sightseeing, you fightseeing.” — MARLON WAYANS, on the Fox host Tucker Carlson’s insistence that the Jan. 6 Capitol protesters were “sightseers”“All Tucker Carson proved is that you can make anything better by not showing the bad part.” — MARLON WAYANS“You guys know we can see what you’re doing, right? Kevin McCarthy, who is Trump’s Waylon Smithers, gives all the footage to Tucker, Tucker shows only the tame parts, and then Trump claims the rioters were framed. It’s like watching a magic show where the magician is wearing sheer sleeves.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden reacted to scary new wax figures of British royalty on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSt. Vincent will perform on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe writer Adam Bradley offers a “new Black canon,” listing 20 undervalued books that reflect “the infinite number of ways of being Black in America — and of being in the world.” More