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      Late Night Gapes at Biden’s Calling Putin a ‘War Criminal’

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      A Kremlin spokesman pointed the finger back at the U.S. for World War II bombings, and Trevor Noah joked, “Keep up with the times, yo!”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.New War, Who Dis?President Biden referred this week to Vladimir Putin, Russia’s leader, as a “war criminal,” and a Kremlin spokesman responded by saying the statement was unfair and hypocritical, citing the United States’ bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki during World War II.Trevor Noah criticized Russia for coming “with that old [expletive].”“Seriously, Russia, you’re gonna bring up something America did in the ’40s?” Noah said. “America has committed plenty of war crimes since then. Keep up with the times, yo!”“Russia said that was unforgivable, so today Biden called him a ‘murderous dictator’ and a ‘pure thug.’ Tomorrow he’s going to call him a ‘stupidhead’ and it might get really crazy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Just because America committed war crimes doesn’t mean you have to, as well, Vladimir Putin, OK? I mean, what if all your friends jumped off a bridge — would you do it, too? No, seriously, would you? I’m just brainstorming ways to end this whole thing. I just want to know what you would do, you know?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (St. Patrick’s Day Edition)“It is St. Green Vomit Day, also known as St. Patrick’s Day, also known as the day on which the world’s reddest white people wear green.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, it’s a great day to be Irish and a bad day to be an Uber driver.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, the parade here is the only event where Times Square Elmo feels like the chaperone.” — JIMMY FALLON“You can tell people were ready to let loose. On my way in, I heard a guy on the street ask where the bathrooms are, and another guy said, ‘It’s wherever you want it to be.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It was fun seeing everyone decked out in their St. Paddy’s Day clothes. Some people wore shirts that said, ‘Kiss me, I’m Irish. While the rest opted for the newer ‘Kiss me, rapid’s negative.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s funny, everything we know about St. Patrick’s Day is not true. St. Patrick was born in England, not Ireland. There are no snakes in Ireland to drive out. And that creep wearing the ‘Kiss me, I’m Irish’ T-shirt? Probably not Irish.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In fact, the world’s first recorded St. Patrick’s Day parade took place in what is now St. Augustine, Florida, in 1601. At this parade, they drank green beer and ate green beef. They didn’t dye the beef — everything was just very moldy back then.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Thursday’s “Tonight Show,” Billy Crystal joined Jimmy Fallon in impersonating celebrities in conversation through mouth cutouts on magazine covers.Also, Check This OutFrom left: Channing Tatum, Sandra Bullock and Daniel Radcliffe say they’re happy that “The Lost City” will be released in theaters but mainly are interested in entertaining audiences no matter the platform.Amy Harrity for The New York TimesSandra Bullock, Channing Tatum and Daniel Radcliffe, stars of “The Lost City,” discussed their new film and friendships, as well as some of their most iconic roles to date. More

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      Late Night Is Wowed by the Senate Actually Doing Something

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      “Various politicians have been trying to do this for years but they kept getting clock blocked,” Jimmy Kimmel said of the Sunshine Protection Act, which passed Tuesday in the Senate.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Time Stands StillOn Tuesday, the Senate unanimously passed legislation making daylight saving time permanent.Jimmy Kimmel said in his monologue that he was “especially proud to be an American today.”“We finally agreed on something,” he said. “An idea that every sane American can get behind: that the sun shall never again set at lunchtime on Christmas Day, and may God bless us, every one.”“I have to say, this is a day that I’ve been waiting for almost my whole adult life: Something finally happened.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The United States Senate today voted across party lines to make daylight saving time permanent, meaning we may never have to change the clock on the microwave again!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Various politicians have been trying to do this for years but they kept getting clock blocked.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“When was the last time anything got a unanimous vote in the Senate? They couldn’t even agree unanimously to condemn Asian American hate crimes. Josh Hawley was like, ‘Let’s not rush into anything.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Senator Marco Rubio of Florida, a Republican, was the lead sponsor of the bill. He said there’s ‘strong science’ behind it that is now showing and making people aware of the harm that clock-switching has. Well, good for you, Marco. Wait until you find out about all the other things that have strong science behind them. You’re going to be amazed. It’s going to be big for you.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Sunshine Protection Act Edition)“Today the Senate unanimously passed a bill to make daylight saving time permanent. Oh yes! I don’t think people were this happy when Pfizer announced they had a vaccine.” — JIMMY FALLON“They’re calling it the Sunshine Protection Act, which is actually my favorite Maroon 5 album.” — JAMES CORDEN“Today everyone in the Senate was like, ‘What happens now? We’ve never passed a bill before — this is weird.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Meanwhile, every wall clock said, ‘But that’s the only time you ever touch me.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin addressed Naomi Osaka’s heckler on Tuesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightQuinta Brunson, the creator and star of the ABC hit comedy “Abbott Elementary,” will appear on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutJesse Williams is playing a superstar baseball player who comes out as gay in the Broadway revival of “Take Me Out.”Sabrina Santiago for The New York TimesThe “Grey’s Anatomy” star Jesse Williams is making his Broadway debut in the revival of the baseball musical “Take Me Out.” More

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      Trevor Noah Talks Tom Brady’s Un-Retirement

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      Noah joked that Brady’s leaving the N.F.L. was like Charlie Sheen’s leaving “Two and a Half Men”: “Yeah, there were still two and a half men but which men? Not men we cared about.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Don’t Call It a ComebackQuarterback Tom Brady retired from the N.F.L. in February, but surprised fans on Sunday when he announced he would return to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers next season.On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah joked that Brady had been going to Super Bowls for so long, “his first halftime show was a bunch of Gregorian monks chanting.”“So, yeah, it was big news when Tom Brady retired,” Noah said. “But you know what’s even bigger news than retiring? Un-retiring.”“I love it so much, because he is the most loved and the most hated athlete in the game. I love this guy. He is the main character. What’s the N.F.L. without Tom Brady, huh? Him leaving the N.F.L. is like when Charlie Sheen left ‘Two and a Half Men.’ Yeah, there were still two and a half men, but which men? Not men we cared about.” — TREVOR NOAH“So with this move, Tom Brady has officially, officially, officially confirmed himself as the greatest of all time, because you see, this move right here is what all the greatest do — they retire, and they come right back. Yeah, Michael Jordan did it. Jay-Z did it. And the greatest of all time, Jesus. Yeah, that guy retired from life for three days before he was like, ‘Nah, the game needs me.’” — TREVOR NOAH“Also some people are just not made for the retired life, especially Tom Brady. Think about it: For 22 years, he’s had men the size of little trucks trying to tackle him. That’s adrenaline. Yeah, can you imagine how boring his home life is right now. Even hiring his own commentators probably didn’t help.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Un-Retiring Edition)“Tom Brady is like your friend who announces she’s quitting Instagram and then posts something three hours later.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I guess he realized that if he retired, there wouldn’t be anybody around to make sure Gronk doesn’t eat a gallon of tide pods.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, Tom Brady is back, and once again he made history as the first person to ever move to Florida and un-retire.” — JIMMY FALLON“Brady’s retirement lasted 40 days. In other words, he pretty much gave up football for Lent.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, he was only retired for six weeks. His kids were like, ‘Is it something we said?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, my dear friend Tom Brady’s not just returning for the love of the game. He’s also set to make $25 million next season, which is, coincidentally, what you’d have to pay me to go to Tampa.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Succession” star Brian Cox crossed over into “Euphoria” while on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightKristen Stewart, star of the movie “Spencer,” will appear on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutDolly Parton sought to take herself out of contention for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.Maria Alejandra Cardona/ReutersDolly Parton wishes to remove herself from nomination for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, saying she doesn’t feel she has earned the right to be inducted. More

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      Late Night Casts Doubt on the Russian-Ukrainian Peace Talks

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      Trevor Noah warned viewers not to get their hopes up: “Not only did Russia not agree to end the war; it wouldn’t even admit that it started a war.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Give Peace a Fighting ChanceRussia and Ukraine held their highest-level peace talks on Thursday since the war began.“But please do not get your hopes up,” Trevor Noah said. “Not only did Russia not agree to end the war; it wouldn’t even admit that it started a war.”“They met in Turkey. Isn’t it just nice to see Russia going somewhere where they’re actually invited?” — JAMES CORDEN“Yeah, Russia’s foreign minister, Sergey Lavrov, was asked if they planned to invade any other countries, and his answer was, ‘We are not planning to attack other countries, and we did not attack Ukraine,’ which is obviously a lie, and also not reassuring for the rest of Europe.” — TREVOR NOAH“And, by the way, if Lavrov is denying that Russia is attacking Ukraine, then what’s he attending peace talks for? What, he wants Ukraine to stop blowing up Russian missiles with their maternity wards?” — TREVOR NOAH“I can’t even imagine how strange these meetings must be. It’d be like trying to have a conversation with someone who’s actively setting your house on fire.” — JAMES CORDEN“Do they get there and there’s small talk before they get into it: ‘Ah, yeah, that Russell Wilson trade is crazy. Anyway, we would love it if we could, you know, pump the brakes on the whole invasion thing.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Parachuting Spiders Edition)“Apparently, there’s some spider invasion coming to the East Coast in the spring. Oh yeah, and scientists say they’re that the size of a child’s hand, and they can parachute from the sky. I love how scientists were like, ‘How should we describe the size?’ and they’re like, ‘Oh, I settled on a child’s hand.”’ — JIMMY FALLON“You know, sometimes I don’t understand nature. Why did it feel the need to create something like this, huh? Spiders that have parachutes and fly around? You know, with some things, you get why they exist, like how plants put oxygen into the atmosphere, and how birds evolve into chickens so we could make delicious sandwiches. But giant spiders? Was Mother Nature like, ‘People’s nightmares have become too boring; let’s spice things up’?” — TREVOR NOAH“You can’t even kill that thing with a regular shoe. Did you see the size? You probably need like a Shaq-sized shoe.” — TREVOR NOAH“And, by the way, if you think a giant spider is bad, wait until we see the giant pig the giant spider is gonna become best friends with.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingDenzel Washington sat down with the Bodega Boys on “Desus & Mero.”Also, Check This OutFrom left, Georgina Campbell, Graham Dickson, Tom Stourton, Antonia Clarke and Joshua McGuire in “All My Friends Hate Me.”Super Ltd Things turn nasty when a peculiar stranger infiltrates a reunion of college pals in the new horror-comedy “All My Friends Hate Me.” More

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      Stephen Colbert: Major Food Brands Are ‘Russian’ for the Exits

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      “Yesterday, Coca-Cola and Pepsi announced that they will suspend business in Russia. Your move, Shasta!” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.In Good CompanyFood companies like Starbucks, McDonald’s and Coca-Cola said they would temporarily close their stores in Russia or stop distributing products in protest of Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday that Putin has succeeded in “uniting the entire free world against” Russia.“One Kremlin spokesperson expressed it in this threatening way: ‘The United States has declared economic war on Russia.’ Thank you for noticing,” Colbert said. “We feel seen.”“And with the Golden Arches closing down, Russians are going to have to settle for their local chain, McDostoevsky’s, home of their kids’ meal: the box of sadness. [Sings to the tune of the McDonald’s theme song] ‘Ba, da, ba, ba, da — life’s meaningless.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It looks like all major food brands are ‘Russian’ for the exits. Yesterday, Coca-Cola and Pepsi announced that they will suspend business in Russia. Your move, Shasta!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Coke is suspending all of their operations, but Pepsi Co. announced they would continue to sell potato chips and daily essentials such as ‘milk, cheese and baby formula,’ to which Russian babies said, ‘Are you sure you don’t have Coke?’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Closing Time Edition)“As we told you yesterday, McDonald’s, Starbucks and now Coca-Cola have announced that they are suspending business in Russia. Yes, which means the Russian people are going to be forced to develop diabetes on their own now.” — TREVOR NOAH“One of the major companies is Starbucks. They just closed all 130 of their stores over there. Yeah, and that was just on one street.” — JIMMY FALLON“There’s always Dunkin’ Donuts, but Putin was like: ‘Nyet. That’s what America runs on.’” — JIMMY FALLON“And the company that owns Pizza Hut, KFC and Taco Bell suspended its operations in Russia. I had no idea Taco Bell was popular in Russia. I guess that explains why everyone sits 50 feet apart from each other.” — JIMMY FALLON“And then, facing growing public pressure, Papa John’s announced that it is halting all Russian business operations. Russians were like, ‘Finally, some good news.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“The Daily Show” caught people on the streets of New York revealing their uninformed opinions on the Cancel Cam.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Severance” star Adam Scott will sit down with James Corden on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutParamount PicturesTest your “Godfather” knowledge in celebration of the film’s 50th anniversary. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Rags on America’s Gas Problem

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      “Gas prices are so high, the Indy 500 was just changed to the Indy 5,” Fallon joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.How High?President Biden announced a ban of imported Russian oil, gas and coal on Tuesday. The move prompted fears of higher prices at the pump.“Yeah, this is devastating for Russia,” Jimmy Fallon said. “Now their biggest export is bad guys in ‘John Wick’ movies.”“Of course, we’ve got to get oil from somewhere else, which is why today, Biden looked at Rudy Giuliani and was like, ‘Let’s get you in the sauna, buddy.’” — JIMMY FALLON“And luckily America produces a lot of its own oil. There’s Texas, there’s Alaska, there’s Rudy Giuliani, but it’s still not enough.” — TREVOR NOAH“Like, if this keeps up, the next ‘Fast and Furious’ movie will take place on public transportation.” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s right, gas prices were already on the rise, and with the decision to ban Russian oil, they’re higher than ever before. Gas prices are so high, the Indy 500 was just changed to the Indy 5.” — JIMMY FALLON“Gas prices are so high, this morning, parents were like: ‘All right, kids, we’re Amish now. Let’s get in the buggy — we’re taking the horse to school.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Gas prices are so high, Americans are just filling their cars with Red Bull and hoping for the best.” — JIMMY FALLON“But on the bright side, this is the perfect excuse to pretend you’re going to get back on the bike you bought mid-pandemic and rode twice.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Unhappy Meals Edition)“Meanwhile, in the battle, McDonald’s and Starbucks are cutting ties with Russia, both announcing they would temporarily close all locations in the country. No Starbucks, no McDonald’s — that’s a sad life to live. And no pick-me-up in the morning, no Happy Meals — or, as they call them in Russia, meals.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, we don’t want their oil and they can’t have our grease.” — JIMMY FALLON“McDonald’s in Russia is a little strange. It’s the only country that sells unhappy meals.” — JIMMY FALLON“Not to be outdone, Arby’s announced that they are punishing Russia by staying open.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yes. Russia just became a ‘no fry zone.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Some people go for the jugular. America? They go for the McRib.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingDina Gusovsky, a writer for “Late Night With Seth Meyers,” delivered a monologue about reconciling her Russian heritage during the Vladimir Putin era.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightDolly Parton will pop by Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutAt the 2019 “Peaky Blinders” Festival, actors recreated scenes from the show on the streets of Birmingham, England.PA Images, via ReutersThe final season of the crime drama “Peaky Blinders” is currently airing in Britain, where some superfans are staging re-enactments in public. More

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      Seth Meyers Skewers Trump for a ‘Looney’ Idea on Russia

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      Meyers said the former president’s suggestion that the U.S. paint Chinese flags on planes and bomb Russia was “a slightly stupider version of Bugs Bunny dressing up as a sexy lady to distract Elmer Fudd.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Flag FooleryAt a Republican fund-raiser on Saturday, Donald Trump suggested that the U.S. should paint Chinese flags on F-22 jets and bomb Russia.“Look, we came very close, very close to a world where Trump was still in charge during Russia’s brutal and illegal invasion of Ukraine, which is scary for many reasons,” Seth Meyers said on Monday. “One of which is Trump keeps giving us a glimpse as to how he would have responded, and, as usual, he has that unique Trump blend of being both terrifying and incredibly stupid at the same time.”“Finally, a way to bring stability to the world — a war between Russia and China.” — SETH MEYERS“So, if you’re wondering what Trump has been up to lately, the answer is huffing glue.” — JIMMY FALLON“These are the types of ideas you come up with after you stare at the sun too long.” — JIMMY FALLON“Then Trump said that he would stop Russian tanks by painting a tunnel on the side of a mountain so they slam into it. [Imitating Trump] ‘Meep meep.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He definitely gets his ideas from cartoons. I mean, this is a slightly stupider version of Bugs Bunny dressing up as a sexy lady to distract Elmer Fudd.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Running Out of Gas Edition)“Meanwhile, here in the U.S., a convoy of truckers spent the last two days surfing the Capital Beltway outside D.C. to protest Covid restrictions. Yep, the truckers waited until all the mandates were lifted and gas hit five bucks a gallon.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s a horrible time to be driving as your protest because now they are praying the cops tow them away just to save on gas.” — TREVOR NOAH“This is just sad. American truckers were trying to block traffic, but D.C. already has so much traffic that nobody really noticed they were protesting.” — TREVOR NOAH“And, I mean, let’s be honest — a protest isn’t much good if it is too subtle for people to know it is a protest. Yeah, it’s like if Rosa Parks bravely decided to sit in the middle of the bus — it just wouldn’t be the same.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden was flabbergasted by a moviegoer who released a live bat during a viewing of “The Batman.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightLeslie Jones will sit down with Seth Meyers on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes was recently convicted of four counts of fraud.Photo Illustration by The New York Times; HBO (Elizabeth Holmes)With new limited series like “The Dropout,” “WeCrashed” and “Super Pumped,” television is saturated with ripped-from-the-headlines tales of self-immolating entrepreneurs. More

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      The Best of Late Night 🌙

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      The Best of Late Night �� Trish Bendix�� Reporting on cultureSarahbeth Maney/The New York TimesPresident Biden’s State of the Union address provided plenty of talking points for the late-night hosts this week — as did Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and an odd statement from Florida’s governor. Here’s what they had to say → More