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      Seth Meyers Wants Trump to Stop Complimenting the Taliban

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      “You don’t have to give the Taliban credit for anything — they’re the Taliban!” Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Very ComplimentarySeth Meyers reminded viewers Wednesday just how involved Donald Trump was with the war in Afghanistan, despite the former president insisting he would have handled things differently than President Biden. Meyers said Trump “was going out of his way to compliment the Taliban on their fighting and negotiating skills.”“You don’t have to give the Taliban credit for anything — they’re the Taliban!” Meyers said.“It’s especially insane to call them ‘good negotiators,’ like they’re trying to talk down a used-car salesman.” — SETH MEYERS“Does Trump think if he’s nice to the Taliban, they’ll hang out with him? [imitating Trump] ‘Great fighters, great negotiators, and great, great golfers. Abdul Ghani Baradar, horrible guy, but I saw him eagle a par five from the rough. We played in a foursome with Brooks Koepka and Bryson DeChambeau. And you wanna talk about warring factions, those two do not like each other!’” — SETH MEYERS“I mean, thank god this idiot wasn’t the chief of police in San Francisco during the Zodiac killings. [imitating Trump] ‘Bad guy, nasty guy, but you’ve got to give him credit for one thing: beautiful, beautiful penmanship.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pumpkin Spice Latte Edition)“And finally, as part of their new fall menu, Starbucks has added a new drink, the apple crisp macchiato. In response, the pumpkin spice latte was like, ‘Oh, it’s on.’” — JIMMY FALLON“And in gayer news, buy me some Crocs and Taylor Swift on vinyl, because baby, I’m a basic [expletive] who loves pumpkin spice latte!” — RuPaul, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“Yes, I’m a diva diva pumpkin eater.” — RuPaul“Face it: pumpkin spice is here to stay. It’s rich, it’s naughty, just like the vocals of Ariana Grande. Oh, uh, but make mine an Ariana Venti, honey, because I can take it.” — RuPaulThe Bits Worth Watching“The Other Two” star Molly Shannon told Jimmy Fallon how Nick Jonas convinced her to finally join Instagram.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightMichael Shannon will talk about “Nine Perfect Strangers” on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutGael García Bernal, left, Maribel Verdú and Diego Luna in a scene from “Y Tu Mamá También.”IFC FilmsThe director and stars of “Y Tu Mamá También” reflect on the landmark film 20 years after its release. More

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      Jimmy Fallon: Americans Care More About New ‘Spider-Man’ Than Covid’s Origins

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      “In the trailer, Spider-Man visits Dr. Strange and asks him to turn back time. Then President Biden shows up and asks for the same thing,” Fallon joked on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Keeping Up With CovidLate night gave a few Covid-related updates on Tuesday night, including the U.S. intelligence agencies’ announcement that they had finished their review of the virus’s origins.“Then the Americans said, ‘Hold that thought — there’s a new ‘Spider-Man’ trailer, y’all,’” Jimmy Fallon joked. “In the trailer, Spider-Man visits Dr. Strange and asks him to turn back time. Then President Biden shows up and asks for the same thing.” — JIMMY FALLON“Well, guys, as I mentioned, today the report on the origins of Covid was completed, and an unclassified version will soon be released to the public. And like everything with this pandemic, I’m sure Americans will fully accept the truth and they’ll put all conspiracy theories to rest.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, the unclassified report will come out in a few days, or sooner if Sony accidentally leaks it early.” — JIMMY FALLON, referring to the leaked “Spider-Man” trailer“President Biden yesterday encouraged Americans who have been waiting for the F.D.A. to approve the Pfizer coronavirus vaccine to go out and get the shot. But I don’t know, something tells me they’re going to find a way to move the goal posts again: [imitating anti-vaxxer] ‘Sure, it’s F.D.A.-approved, but is it farm to table, something that’s suddenly very important to me?’” — SETH MEYERS“Following the announcement that the F.D.A. has officially approved the Pfizer vaccine, President Biden is now calling on companies in the private sector to adopt a shot mandate. If you ask me, this is just further proof of a giant conspiracy between the government and the corporate elite to infringe on Americans’ God-given right to get infected by a deadly virus.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Formerly Known as the Pfizer Vaccine Edition)“Following the full approval of Pfizer’s coronavirus vaccine, the company revealed it would start marketing the drug under the name Comirnaty, so now people will start referring to the Pfizer vaccine as ‘the Pfizer vaccine.’” — SETH MEYERS“It’s too late for a rebrand. This is like when your friend comes back from vacation and is like, ‘Actually, everyone calls me Turbo now.’” — SETH MEYERS“Listen, if they really want people to take it, they should have just called it White Claw.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Jimmy Kimmel Live” guest host, Niall Horan, announced a new name for his fan base: “Horan Dogs.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe country music artist Chris Stapleton will perform on Wednesday’s “Late Night With Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutRosie Perez with Kaley Cuoco in “The Flight Attendant.” Perez used her own experiences with menopause to shape her performance.Colin Hutton/HBO Max, via Associated PressAfter a lengthy film career, Rosie Perez is up for her first Emmy with her supporting role in “The Flight Attendant.” More

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      Jimmy Fallon Celebrates the F.D.A.’s Full Approval of a Covid Vaccine

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      “It’s about time,” Fallon said. “Their statement started with, ‘Hey, sorry, I just saw this.’”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Big Day for PfizerAfter several months and intense pressure to speed up the process, the F.D.A. approved Pfizer-BioNTech’s Covid vaccine on Monday.“It’s about time,” Jimmy Fallon said. “Their statement started with, ‘Hey, sorry, I just saw this.’”“Yeah, it was approved by the real F.D.A., the Food and Drug Administration, which is not to be confused with the fake F.D.A., the Facebook Doctors Association.” — JIMMY FALLON“Approval also offers an opportunity to clear up substantial public confusion. And, look, I’ll admit, it can be confusing to follow. We all wish the F.D.A. and C.D.C. could be more like the S.C.F., which is an organization where people Speak [expletive] Clearly.” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, this is great news. Although, if it didn’t get approved, I’m not really sure what the options were: Pfizer store credit?” — JIMMY FALLON“It must be weird working at the F.D.A. One day you’re approving a lifesaving vaccine, the next you’re approving new s’mores-flavored Oreos.” — JIMMY FALLON“Exactly what paranoid anti-vaxxers have been waiting for: a stamp of approval by the federal government.” — JAMES CORDEN“The Pfizer vaccine is now fully approved by the F.D.A., which sounds like a big deal, until you remember that so is Mountain Dew Baja Blast.” — JAMES CORDEN“Get this: The new name of the fully approved Pfizer vaccine is Comirnaty. Comirnaty, which sounds more like a drunk person trying to say ‘community’: [imitating drunk] ‘You can’t arrest me; I’m a valued member of the comirnaty.” — JIMMY FALLON“This is amazing news that will hopefully convince more people to get vaccinated, and we should all be thrilled. But, also, huge news that, I guess, we finally ran out of pharmaceutical names.” — SETH MEYERS“Did the approval catch Pfizer so off guard that they yelled out a name before they were ready? ‘I vote Comirnaty!’” — SETH MEYERS“Meanwhile, the Moderna and Johnson & Johnson vaccines don’t need F.D.A. approval. They spent lockdown learning to love themselves.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (From the Horse’s Mouth Edition)“But the vaccine isn’t the only thing keeping the F.D.A. busy. They recently had to tell people not to treat Covid with a drug that’s given to animals with worms. This is real. They tweeted: ‘You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously y’all, stop it.’ Meanwhile, the people taking it are like, ‘Laugh all you want, but I don’t have Covid, and the worms are almost gone.’” — JIMMY FALLON“They are absolutely right. You are not a horse, you are not a cow — you’re a jackass, though.” — STEPHEN A. SMITH, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“By the way, if the drug you’re about to take has a horse on the box, you probably shouldn’t take it.” — STEPHEN A. SMITH“Do you eat your meals out of a bag that has been strapped to your mouth? Are you led around by a carrot or a stick? How about: Do you sleep standing up? Do you sleep in a stable? No? Then take people medicine, OK? Try that.” — STEPHEN A. SMITH“On Friday, the Mississippi Health Department said incidents of people taking this horse medicine accounted for more than 70 percent of recent calls to the state’s poison center. That’s shocking, and I’ll tell you why: I had no idea Mississippi had a health department.” — STEPHEN A. SMITHThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Snoop Dogg paid tribute to his late friend Kobe Bryant in honor of the former basketball star’s birthday.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightLorde will continue her four-night residency on “The Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutLike everyone else in Easttown, Julianne Nicholson’s Lori holds some devastating secrets beneath her sensible parka.HBO, via Associated PressThe Emmy-nominated Julianne Nicholson was as surprised as anyone to find out the killer’s identity in “Mare of Easttown.” More

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      Stephen Colbert on the Chaotic Regime Change (Not That One)

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      Colbert brought “Late Show” viewers up to speed on the fallout from the search for a new “Jeopardy!” host. Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Double JeopardyOn Thursday night, Stephen Colbert opened his monologue by addressing what he said was on his audience’s mind.“They want to hear me talk about the big story everybody’s talking about right now,” Colbert said: “the chaos surrounding the recent poorly handled regime change — over at ‘Jeopardy!’”“And for some reason, everyone is talking about this — possibly to avoid talking about everything else.” — STEPHEN COLBERTColbert recounted how the game show’s search for Alex Trebek’s successor, which included tryouts by guest hosts like LeVar Burton and Katie Couric, ended last week when “the executive producers of ‘Jeopardy!’ selected executive producer Mike Richards.”“Wow, what are the odds? Exactly the same as me getting named ‘Stephen Colbert Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.’ Suck it, Ryan Gosling!” — STEPHEN COLBERTBut since then, Colbert continued, “crude comments about women, Jews and Haiti” that Richards made on a podcast years ago have emerged. “Ooh, looks like Richards’s job might be in … jeopardy!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“At this rate, he’s going to be the first ‘Jeopardy’ host to actually invoke double jeopardy: ‘Objection: I already got in trouble for that one. What? Oh, I’m sorry — what is ‘objection’?” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (OnlyFans Edition)“Earlier today OnlyFans announced that it’s going to block all X-rated content starting in October. What? This would be like Playboy only printing the articles, you know what I’m saying?” — JIMMY FALLON“Also just a side note, if you’re watching this with someone, and they quickly ask, ‘What’s OnlyFans?’ Trust me, they know exactly what it is.’” — JIMMY FALLON“They know that fans of OnlyFans are only fans of one thing, right?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Reportedly, ‘OnlyFans was struggling to find outside investors because of its adult content.’ Evidently, pornography does not live up to the high moral standards of investment bankers, unless it’s them [expletive] the economy. Then it’s fine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, there’s a bright side to banning shots of where the sun don’t shine, because OnlyFans says while sexually explicit material will be banned, nudity that is not sexually explicit will remain allowed. So you can only post nude images that would never turn on anyone — and, I’m sorry, I just don’t need the money that badly.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “The Tonight Show,” The Roots improvised a song about the chemistry on the new season of “Bachelor in Paradise.”Also, Check This OutJeremy O. Harris and Whitney Peak during the taping of a “Gossip Girl” episode in which characters attend a new play by Harris.Karolina Wojtasik, via HBO MaxThe reboot of “Gossip Girl” featured a scene from a Jeremy O. Harris play that didn’t really exist. Now it’s been commissioned by the Public Theater. More

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      Seth Meyers Explains How ‘Forever Wars’ Happen

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      The Washington elite kept troops in Afghanistan “longer than it takes for George R.R. Martin to come up with a new ‘Game of Thrones’ book,” Meyers joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘A Little More Time’Seth Meyers discussed the messy U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan in his “Closer Look” segment on Wednesday night, blaming members of the Washington elite who he said had misled the public for years about the prospects for success in America’s longest war.“And that’s how ‘forever wars’ happen: People in charge just keep asking for a little more time to turn things around and then, next thing you know, it’s been 20 years and you’ve been in Afghanistan longer than it takes for George R.R. Martin to come up with a new ‘Game of Thrones’ book,” Meyers joked.“And every time someone suggested withdrawing, the military-industrial complex and foreign policy elite kept insisting that if we only gave them just a few more months, they could finally turn things around. It’s kind of like how as a kid you tell your parents you’d return the movie you rented from Blockbuster tomorrow because you hadn’t finished it yet, and then they’d ask you the next day, and you tell them you just have to watch the last 20 minutes, and then the next thing you know, you’re 47 years old and owe Blockbuster $60,000 in late fees for a VHS copy of ‘The Prince of Tides.’” — SETH MEYERS“There was never a good time to withdraw, which is why no president before Biden was willing to do it, kind of like how there’s never a good time at a pool party to tell someone you can see their [expletive] crack. No one wants to be the guy who interrupts pool volleyball to say, ‘Hey, Dave, pull up your swimsuit.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Duct Tales Edition)“Guys, I saw that United Airlines has instructed its flight crew not to use duct tape when dealing with unruly passengers. Don’t use it, yeah. Flight attendants heard and were like, ‘OK, Tasers it is.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, United isn’t allowed to use duct tape, while passengers on Frontier Airlines will now be wheeled onboard like Hannibal Lecter.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, according to the memo, United is against using duct tape unless it’s holding up one of their engines. That’s where they draw the line.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingWednesday night’s guest host, Sean Hayes, played doctor on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Saturday Night Live” star Cecily Strong will visit Seth Meyers on Thursday night.Also, Check This OutBillie Jean King in 1974.Associated PressBillie Jean King’s new memoir, “All In,” is a powerful, personal manifesto from the longtime activist and athlete, our critic writes. More

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      Late Night Anticipates the Third Shot

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      “Yep, Biden will be making the booster shot announcement as part of his Operation: Change the Subject,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Third Time’s the CharmThe White House is expected to announce coronavirus booster shots, recommending that Americans receive them eight months after their initial round of inoculation.“And to sell Americans on the idea, the White House is hiring a movie trailer narrator to be like, ‘This fall, Pfizer completes their epic trilogy,’” Jimmy Fallon joked on Tuesday night.“Yep, Biden will be making the booster shot announcement as part of his Operation: Change the Subject.” — JIMMY FALLON“The first people to get boosters will likely be nursing home residents and health care workers, who could get the jab as early as mid-September. So these are autumn shots. The options will be Moderna, Pfizer or pumpkin spice.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So, vaccine sites are about to ramp up again. You hear that, millions of Americans who are still on the fence about the first dose? Because the rest of us are about to go back for thirds. We’re offering you that last slice of pizza before we take it, and in this case, the pepperoni doesn’t kill you.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (One More Shot Edition)“We’re going to get a third shot, OK? So, somehow, they’re going to have to make the vaccination card even bigger. It fits in most midsize sedans.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Honestly, they should just send booster shots to your house like a cheese of the month club like, ‘Oh, honey, look — this month it is AstraZeneca. How exotic!’” — JIMMY FALLON“America can’t even agree on the first shots. We’re like a giant family dinner where half the table wants pizza and the other half wants to die of Covid.” — JULIE BOWEN, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”The Bits Worth WatchingOn Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” guest host Julie Bowen explained how she and her family recently helped an injured hiker in a national park.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightMichael Keaton will catch up with Jimmy Fallon on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJohn Shearer/WireImage for MTV.com (Conrad, Montag) ; Glenn Francis/PacificProDigital.com (Pratt)Memes about Delta are harmless fun except for those cast as the variant itself. More

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      Colbert on Afghanistan: ‘It’s Heartbreaking’

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      “Why should our soldiers be fighting radicals in a civil war in Afghanistan? We’ve got our own on Capitol Hill,” Stephen Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Right Thing Feels So Wrong’Late-night hosts addressed the news out of Afghanistan this week, with the Taliban taking swift control after President Biden’s decision to pull out American troops.“We have had troops there for 20 years — they fought, they sacrificed, their families sacrificed so that we wouldn’t have a terrorist attack in America planned in a foreign country,” Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “Why should our soldiers be fighting radicals in a civil war in Afghanistan? We’ve got our own on Capitol Hill.”“The Taliban yesterday entered the city of Kabul and took control of Afghanistan’s presidential palace. Most Americans watched in horror, while some Americans watched for tips.” — SETH MEYERS“As recently as last month, an overwhelming majority of Americans, 70 percent or more, supported Biden’s withdrawal. Seventy percent. You know how few things 70 percent of Americans agree on? I think it’s this and extra cheese, which also often ends badly and faster than you planned.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The U.S. foreign-policy apparatus should not approach Afghanistan the same way I approach trying to install a wireless router: ‘“Connect the router to a broadband gateway from your I.S.P. by inserting the Ethernet cable to the port located on the back of the TP-link extender”? I don’t have the foggiest notion of what I’m undertaking! Do you know how this works?’” — SETH MEYERS“So in the end, you can make us accept that there was no good alternative, but you can’t make us feel good about it. The only people who can feel good about this are the service members and their families who aren’t going to see soldiers sent into harm’s way for no reason that the commander in chief of either party can articulate. But there’s one more thing: For the last 20 years, four separate administrations told the American people to care about the plight of all the Afghan people, especially the women, and we did care and that’s not going to change. All that’s changed is that there’s nothing we can do about it now. So pulling out may be the right thing to do, but it’s heartbreaking; it’s humbling when the right thing feels so wrong.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Blame Game Edition)“Former President Trump released a statement on Friday amid the deteriorating situation in Afghanistan and, yeah, he’s enjoying this.” — SETH MEYERS“Pretty weird to blame Biden for withdrawing troops when this summer he was claiming credit for it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So you can’t put all the blame for a debacle you helped set the stage for. That’s like Andrew Lloyd Webber calling ‘Cats’ a terrible movie. You wrote a musical with no plot — how did you think this was going to end?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You can tell things aren’t good for Biden, because today he said, ‘You know, maybe the election was stolen.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump made a peace deal with the Taliban to end the war, and now after Biden’s withdrawal, they’re back in power. So, on the bright side, it’s nice to have a bipartisan screw-up.” — JIMMY FALLON“I have a hard time believing Trump would have done it in a more orderly way, since nothing he ever did was orderly. He couldn’t even withdraw from an umbrella in an orderly fashion.” — SETH MEYERS“So what’s happening now is the responsibility of both parties, and the American people who voted them into office. So, children and convicts, you’re off the hook. Also, thanks for watching.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe country music star Maren Morris was the guest host on Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightCourtney Barnett will perform on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJan GrueNTB Scanpix Sipa USA
      Michael J. Fox reviews “I Live a Life Like Yours,” Jan Grue’s new memoir about living with spinal muscular atrophy. More

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      Bad News for ‘Trump-Adjacent Weirdos’ Delights Seth Meyers

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      Meyers enjoyed seeing Mike Lindell get word on camera that a defamation suit against him over his claims of election fraud would proceed.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lawsuit TV, LiveOn Wednesday, a federal judge ruled that Dominion Voting Systems could proceed with its defamation lawsuits against Mike Lindell, Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell. Seth Meyers called them “Trump-adjacent weirdos” and poked fun at their election fraud conspiracy theories on Thursday’s “Late Night.”“OK, so there are only two plausible explanations for what happened here: Either a federal judge appointed by Donald Trump ruled that unfounded claims of election fraud made by three Trump allies were not exempt from defamation laws, or Hugo Chavez teamed up with China and the C.I.A. to use Italian military satellites to hack the judge’s computer and alter his opinion, which was then printed out on paper smuggled in from China covered in bamboo fibers. The only way we can know for sure is if we take the judge’s ruling to a cabin in Montana, examine it under a powerful ultraviolet light, then bury it in the backyard, wait three days and see if it rains.” — SETH MEYERSMeyers and Stephen Colbert largely focused on Lindell, the MyPillow C.E.O., whose reaction to the news was caught on camera.“Watching someone get bad news, in real time, at their own symposium is my new kink.” — SETH MEYERS“This week, he held a livestreamed cybersymposium, for which he hired a cyberexpert ‘red team’ and gave them what he said was 37 terabytes of irrefutable evidence that hackers broke into election systems using intercepted ‘packet captures.’ ‘Packet captures,’ of course, is a technical term that you might know by their street name, ‘pillow cases.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Honestly, poor cyberexperts. You go to school to get a degree in computer science, spend your whole career mastering a highly specialized skill that would be actually very helpful in today’s high-tech economy, and then a psycho pillow magnate hands you what I’m guessing is a garbage bag full of dry cleaning slips and CBS receipts and said, ‘I need you to switch who the president is.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Today in Rudy Edition)“Rudy has also been sued by Dominion for a billion dollars. Now he’s facing a mountain of legal fees. That mountain’s in his apartment, right next to the mountain of empty Franzia boxes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Man, I wish I could have seen Rudy’s face when he found out. And that’s something, because I’ve wished to see Rudy’s face.” — SETH MEYERS“On top of that, Rudy’s law license in Washington was suspended, and he was suspended from practicing law in New York due to ‘demonstrably false and misleading’ statements about the election — which means he’s cut off from his previous source of income: telling lies next to a dildo shop.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingIn honor of Jimmy Fallon’s 1,500th “Tonight Show” episode, Kit Harington gave the host something he’s been waiting for — a “straight-up” rendition of Train’s “Drops of Jupiter.”Also, Check This OutLou Platt’s work as a therapist on productions like “I May Destroy You” often starts before filming even begins.Alex Ingram for The New York TimesFilm and television productions in Britain have started bringing therapists on-set to offer counseling for the cast and crew members. More