Fallon, Jimmy

Subterms

    More stories

    • 100 Shares159 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Wraps Up This Year’s Academy Awards

      by

      “The ratings for the Oscars plummeted from 23 million last year to less than 10 million this year. How can something so woke put so many people to sleep?” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Are You Still Watching?On Monday, late-night hosts weighed in on Sunday night’s Oscars ceremonies, which, despite some historic firsts and funny moments, brought in a much smaller audience than last year’s awards.“The ratings for the Oscars plummeted from 23 million last year to less than 10 million this year. How can something so woke put so many people to sleep?” Jimmy Kimmel asked.“The ceremony was watched by a record-low 9.9 million people. Yeah, 9.9 million. That’s like taking everyone who watched ‘Mank’ and adding 9.8 million.” — JIMMY FALLON“I guess most people thought the show was a little sluggish and, at times, a bit uncomfortable. It was as if the whole ceremony had just gotten its second Pfizer shot.” — JIMMY FALLON“This was the Oscars that finally answered the question, ‘What happens when you don’t cut off acceptance speeches?’ Turns out, they go on for a very long time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“For whatever reason, the awards were held at Union Station downtown, which is the closest many of these stars have ever been to public transportation.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Well, I guess the train station made sense ’cause I fell asleep 30 minutes in. When I woke up, I had no idea where I was.” — JIMMY FALLON“Now, despite the pandemic shaking everything up, the Oscars pulled off a lot of cool moments last night. I mean, we got to see an awards show in a train station, right? We saw Regina King get her steps in. And we even got to see Glenn Close audition to be in Cardi B’s next video.” — TREVOR NOAH“But we also got a lot of history made last night. Chloé Zhao became the first woman of color to win Best Director, Yuh-Jung Youn was the first Korean actor to win an award, and Daniel Kaluuya, my friend, became the first person to get an Oscar and a beatdown from his mama on the same night.” — TREVOR NOAH“You can’t be saying ‘sex’ in front of African parents. In fact, I’m sure the only reason she didn’t whip Daniel’s [expletive] right there was just because there were too many white people in attendance.” — TREVOR NOAH“His mom was like, ‘This is so embarrassing’ and he was like, ‘Relax, no one saw it.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It was an historic evening. You know, before last night, an Oscar had never been given to a still photo of Anthony Hopkins before.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There were some surprises, notably in the category of Best Actor. Everyone thought that would go to the late Chadwick Boseman. They even saved that category for the end of the show, assuming it would be a big emotional moment to wrap it up. But instead of Chadwick Boseman, Anthony Hopkins won Best Actor for playing a man with dementia in ‘The Father,’ and he was so committed to his role, he forgot to show up for the Oscars.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And this is true. He was reportedly asleep when he won, which is not a great sign for network television when they say, ‘Hey, Anthony, you know you might win tonight’ and he’s like, ‘Eh, I’ll just watch it on YouTube tomorrow.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Missed Shots Edition)“Apparently, some people are refusing the second shot because they feared the side effects, which can include flulike symptoms. Unlike the coronavirus side effects, which can include deathlike death.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One interesting group of people refusing to get the vaccine: people who have gotten the vaccine. Because millions of people are skipping their second doses of Covid vaccines. I can’t believe it — Americans are saying no to seconds?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I mean, just a few weeks ago we were scrambling for appointments — refresh, refresh, refresh. Now you can pick up Moderna shots in the two-for-one bin at Walmart.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingJustin Bieber joined Jimmy Fallon and the Roots for a stripped-down version of his new single “Peaches.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe “Pose” star Billy Porter will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutAnthony Hopkins as the dementia-stricken patriarch in “The Father.”Sean Gleason/Sony Pictures ClassicsAnthony Hopkins had to accept his Best Actor Oscar via social media because producers denied him an opportunity to go live via Zoom during the ceremony on Sunday night. More

    • 63 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Celebrates Earth Day

      by

      “Earth Day started back in the ’70s with very lofty goals and has kind of turned into, ‘Guys, please, just for one day try not to light garbage on or near a panda bear, OK?’” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Save the Rainforest (Cafes)Late-night hosts celebrated Earth Day on Thursday, with Jimmy Kimmel touching on the holiday’s origins.“Earth Day started back in the ’70s with very lofty goals and has kind of turned into, ‘Guys, please, just for one day try not to light garbage on or near a panda bear, OK?’” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“There are so many amazing things from Earth. I mean, we have oceans and mountains, and shaving cream, and pine cones and the iPhone. We’ve got monkeys; we’ve got chocolate-covered raisins. Ryan Gosling, we’ve got Ryan Reynolds. We’ve got the Aurora Borealis. Pens are good. ‘Property Brothers,’ Magic Johnson, tennis rackets, yoga pants, poodles, tacos, yarn, marshmallows and Mr. T. I mean, that is a diverse portfolio of things that we should be grateful for.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course, Earth Day is like prom in that every year has a theme. This year’s is ‘Restore Our Earth.’ Yes, we have to, or pretty soon the theme’s going to be ‘Enchantment Under the Sea.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A lot of stores celebrated Earth Day. H&M added a section for sustainable items, Lowe’s offered a free garden-to-go kit, and Subway recycled last week’s tuna.” — JIMMY FALLON“I’m kidding around, but protecting the Earth is serious. I mean, can you believe that in 1999, we had nearly 50 Rainforest Cafes, and now we’re down to almost 20?” — JIMMY FALLONClimate ChangesPresident Biden’s climate summit was a related hot topic, with late-night hosts touching on the president’s announcement that the United States will cut its carbon emissions in half by 2030.“Added Biden, ‘Of course that responsibility will ultimately fall to President the Rock.’” — SETH MEYERS“Other countries are cautiously optimistic now. They’re like, ‘OK, but last year, weren’t you the guys saying climate change isn’t real? Which America are we talking to?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The science is absolutely clear that it’s necessary to avoid a worldwide catastrophe. No one should be against this, so naturally, almost every Republican is against this.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Climate change is getting harder to ignore. Last year, wildfires blazing in the Arctic Circle set new emissions records, the Atlantic hurricane season raged stronger than ever, and we reached the end of the hottest decade ever recorded. Most of that came in the last year due to the rise in ‘Bridgerton’ butt.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The tone of the summit was that we’re all responsible. But you know, Costa Rica was looking at the U.S. and China like: ‘Yeah, this is all our fault, right? Yeah. We’re all to blame.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Earth Day Edition)“Happy Earth Day! Everyone is in the spirit. This morning at 7-Eleven, I saw a rat drinking a Big Gulp with a metal straw.” — JIMMY FALLON“Today was Earth Day. ‘Ah, yes, the place I’m totally from,’ said Mark Zuckerberg.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, today was Earth Day even though I didn’t planet.” — SETH MEYERS“Today was the 51st Earth Day, although the Earth was like, ‘Let’s say — let’s just tell people I’m 35.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Humans celebrating Earth Day is like fleas celebrating Dog Day.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingDesus and Mero caught up with a friend of the show, Issa Rae, about her official new status as media mogul after Ms. Rae, the “Insecure” creator and star, signed an eight-figure deal with WarnerMedia.Also, Check This OutFans have gotten their wish: LeVar Burton is slated to guest-host “Jeopardy!” the last week of July.Etienne Laurent/EPA, via ShutterstockAfter fans campaigned online, LeVar Burton will guest-host “Jeopardy.” More

    • 100 Shares129 Views

      in Television

      How Late Night Addressed the Derek Chauvin Verdict

      by

      “It’s hard to celebrate, because a man is still dead, but there is a sense of relief that at least this one injustice was not compounded with indifference,” said a somber Stephen Colbert.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘A Step in the Right Direction’On Tuesday night, several late-night hosts addressed the breaking news that Derek Chauvin, a former police officer in Minneapolis, had been convicted of murder in the death of George Floyd. The case prompted mass racial justice protests last year after Chauvin, who is white, was filmed kneeling on the neck of Floyd, who was Black, for more than nine minutes as Floyd pleaded for his life.“After 10 hours of deliberation, a jury in Minneapolis decided that it’s illegal for the police to murder people; that Black lives matter,” said Stephen Colbert.“It’s hard to celebrate, because a man is still dead, but there is a sense of relief that at least this one injustice was not compounded with indifference. And it could easily have gone the other way. No matter what you saw on that tape, this nation does not have a great track record on this subject. But at least in this case, this man faces accountability.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But justice is a far more difficult goal. America still has a problem of over-policing and systemic racism, but hopefully this is a step toward a future where police being held accountable for their actions isn’t headline material, and a hope that accountability today is a deterrent for tomorrow.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Today is one stop on a journey that began last May and led to protests calling for that accountability in every town and every city in America. But this is just one stop. There is more work to be done, and it’s work that all of us should be committed to, because as Ben Crump, the Floyd family lawyer, reminded us today, justice for Black America is justice for all America.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And while this is a step in the right direction, there’s still a lot of work to be done. Too often, justice isn’t served, and the need for police reform remains. We all must continue to call out injustice until things change for the better.” — JIMMY FALLON“Real justice would be Black Americans not having to live in fear of being stopped by police and killed, and surely that is a verdict that we need to work towards. And that can be the verdict that one day we can celebrate.” — JAMES CORDEN“I think we’re all grateful that it went the way that it did. In this case, the jury made the correct decision, a unanimous decision, which is a step in the right direction. And I hope the verdict itself brings comfort to the family of George Floyd and all those who mourn his death. And I also want to say, ‘Good luck in prison, Derek, you’ll need it.’ That’s right. I hope you’re there for a very long time.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (National Holiday Edition)“4/20, of course, is a holiday for pot smokers and pot eaters who celebrate 4/20 by doing pretty much exactly what they do every day.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I read that 40 percent of people who smoke think 4/20 should be a national holiday, while the rest skipped work today because they thought it was a national holiday.” — JIMMY FALLON“Right now there is so much smoke in New York City, every apartment looks like it elected a new pope.” — JIMMY FALLON“And this April 20 is the big one, because today, 4/20 turned 50. Fifty! That means it’s old enough to sneak off into the garage while the kids are at soccer practice and smoke half a joint, but then it has a panic attack, so it spends the afternoon on the couch drinking water and watching QVC. Far out, man.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is the 50th anniversary because, back in 1971, a group of California high school students used to gather to smoke pot every day at 4:20 p.m. Admirable punctuality for a group of kids who were always high.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Not really as edgy, is it, as it used to be? Do you know what I mean? Now that marijuana is legal in California, you know? Sort of feels like the equivalent of White Wine Day.” — JAMES CORDEN“I hope we don’t get caught up in the commercialism of 4/20 and forget the real meaning of 4/20, you know?” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingMike Lindell, the MyPillow founder and fiercely loyal Trump supporter, responded to Jimmy Kimmel’s Monday-night monologue, in which the host jokingly invited him on his show.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightRicky Martin will perform on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutChris Buck for The New York TimesSeth Rogen, above, has made a pivot from Hollywood stoner to homemade ceramist. More

    • 113 Shares149 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Kimmel to Mike Lindell: The Obsession Is Mutual

      by

      “Mike Lindell doesn’t seem to understand I’m his biggest fan,” Kimmel said of the MyPillow C.E.O. “I have no idea what he is doing, but I love it.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Machines, Vaccines and Me’Mike Lindell, the founder of MyPillow, is a frequent target of late-night hosts who skewer him for supporting former President Donald Trump’s baseless claims of election fraud. Having been barred from Twitter over those claims, Lindell launched his own social media platform on Monday with a livestream set to last 48 hours. Jimmy Kimmel’s name has come up more than a few times during what he described as Lindell’s “yellathon.”“It’s quite a production. Phones are ringing, there are crank calls pouring in, the lights went out. He kept ranting and raving about the same things over and over again — machines, vaccines and me,” Kimmel said.“A lot of people said the C.E.O. of a pillow company couldn’t successfully launch a major social media site, and those people were 100 percent correct.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s been going nonstop since 7 o’clock this morning. In 17 hours, he’s taken maybe two breaths. At one point he claimed they had 75 million people watching. Even Trump was like, ‘Oh, please, quit exaggerating.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s like the Jerry Lewis telethon if Jerry was on a public access channel and crack.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What Mike Lindell doesn’t seem to understand is I’m his biggest fan. I have no idea what he is doing, but I love it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course I would have him on our show, under two conditions. Number one, he has to actually come into our studio — I need to see him in person. I want to smell the knackwurst in his mustache. And number two, I would like to conduct our interview in a bed, surrounded by pillows. Just me and Mike snuggled up side by side in a California king surrounded by sacks of goose feathers.” — JIMMY KIMMELSunday Night SpecialPresident Biden and former President Barack Obama appeared alongside several celebrities on an NBC special Sunday night encouraging Americans to get vaccinated.“Almost no one watched that special. It had very low ratings. Why would we? We already had a special to promote the vaccine — it’s called the news every day for the past 13 months.”— JIMMY KIMMEL“The stars turned out in force to promote the vaccine, from Kumail Nanjiani and Ellen Pompeo, to Amanda Seyfried and Jane Seymour. And you can trust Jane Seymour, because she’s a medicine woman.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Another highlight came when Dr. Anthony Fauci was interviewed by actor Matthew McConaughey. Wow, the sexiest man alive was interviewed by Matthew McConaughey!” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Life on Mars Edition)“NASA made history today with a successful helicopter flight on Mars. This marks the very first time an aircraft has been flown on another planet. ‘Helicopters on Mars’ — sounds like a band Jude Law was in at school.” — JAMES CORDEN“That’s right, a little helicopter detached from a rover and now they’re both exploring Mars. Or as Pixar put it, ‘Sold!’” — JIMMY FALLON“The flight lasted a total of 30 seconds. The men on the team said it was a complete success while the women agreed so they wouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.” — JIMMY FALLON“It wasn’t a long flight, it lasted just 30 seconds and reached an altitude of about 10 feet. It may not sound like a lot, but 10 feet means Ingenuity can dunk.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I say they’ve got two more flights before it ends up stuck on the neighbor’s roof.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Today’s mission was the first of several, because the helicopter could make as many as five flights in the coming weeks — although, to save a couple bucks, one of those flights has a layover in Charlotte.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe stand-up comic Tig Notaro told Jimmy Fallon all about her role in Zack Snyder’s new zombie film, “Army of the Dead.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightCher will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe closure of the ArcLight chain includes the Cinerama Dome, which was first shuttered when the pandemic hit.Kate Warren for The New York TimesThe director Gina Prince-Bythewood (“The Old Guard,” “Love & Basketball”) writes that the loss of ArcLight theaters in Los Angeles will be felt by filmmakers as much as by moviegoers. More

    • 113 Shares199 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Applauds Biden’s ‘Endgame’ for Afghanistan’s ‘Infinity War’

      by

      Colbert pointed out that the conflict “has been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Twenty Years LaterPresident Biden announced on Wednesday that American troops will leave Afghanistan by Sept. 11 after nearly 20 years of war.“When he was V.P., Joe was ‘the most senior dissenting voice against a surge in Afghanistan back in 2008 and 2009,’” Stephen Colbert said, quoting from a news report. “This war’s been going on so long, Biden’s been trying to get the troops out since he was just ‘regular’ old. Now he’s ‘Mountain Dew Baja Blast Extreme’ old.”“The cost: A tragic loss of human life and a duffel bag of your cash they called ‘ghost money.’ Because spending $2 trillion with no clear definition of victory is pretty spooky.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Biden is getting criticism from people who say if America leaves Afghanistan then it will become a failed state, and that is a real danger. But on the other hand, America has been there for 20 years — is it supposed to stay there forever? Because if that is going to be the case, then I mean, America should at least make Afghanistan a U.S. state. And the good news with that is it would eliminate Afghanistan’s terrorism problem completely, because we all know that once terrorists are American, they’re not terrorists anymore — they are just frustrated citizens who are having a bad day.” — TREVOR NOAH“During his remarks, Biden announced that withdrawal would begin on May 1. When the troops get home, they’re gonna be like, ‘Why are all the bars closed?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Despite the fact that 2,400 service members gave their lives, the ongoing war in Afghanistan received not even a mention at the presidential debates. Oh, but how can you expect a ground war in Asia to compete with the urgent threat of windmill cancer?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (No Endgame Edition)“President Biden said today he will withdraw all U.S. troops from Afghanistan by September 11 during a speech in the White House Treaty Room, which is where former President George W. Bush announced the start of the war. In fact, all the decorations were still up.” — SETH MEYERS“The war in Afghanistan has been going on for almost 20 years. To put that another way, this war is too old to date Matt Gaetz.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Twenty years is a long time. Those are 17th-century European numbers. That’s the kind of war you fight because the Spanish contessa rejected your proposal to unite the kingdoms and eloped with the Duke of Saxony.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The war in Afghanistan may finally be over, and people, it’s about time. It’s been what, 19 years? No war should ever be old enough to serve in itself.” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan. This conflict’s older than the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It’s an ‘Infinity War’ with no ‘Endgame.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee opened Wednesday’s “Full Frontal” by tracking anti-Asian racism throughout American history.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightAnderson Cooper will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” where he is likely to discuss his upcoming gig as guest host of “Jeopardy!”Also, Check This OutPhoto Illustration by Julia Panek; Photos via Getty ImagesCelebrities who gave product endorsements used to be accused of “selling out.” Now they’re hailed as savvy investors and giving the performances of their careers. More

    • 125 Shares139 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Fallon Pokes Fun at Johnson & Johnson’s Vaccine Pause

      by

      “That’s right, they’re recommending a pause. Then anyone who’s ever been dumped was like: ‘Oh, boy. We know what “pause” means,’” Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.What Are the Odds?Johnson & Johnson was the talk of late night on Tuesday after the F.D.A. advised a pause in using its Covid vaccine because six recipients developed blood clots within two weeks of vaccination.“That’s right, they’re recommending a pause. Then anyone who’s ever been dumped was like: ‘Oh, boy. We know what “pause” means,’” Jimmy Fallon joked.“But statistically speaking, six is not that significant, since nearly seven million people in the U.S. have received Johnson & Johnson shots so far. That’s less than one in a million. To put that in perspective, it’s slightly better odds than you have of getting to visit Willy Wonka’s Fantabulous Chocolate Factory, which, for the record, kills or maims four out of the five children who step foot inside.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You realize that means you’re more likely to get struck by lightning 10 times, which, by the way, is the origin story of Marvel’s most useless superhero.” — TREVOR NOAH“That means the odds are less than one in a million. It’s .0000009 — that’s more zeros than in the Trump family.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And don’t forget, yes, yes — you might have a 0.0001 percent chance of getting blood clots from this vaccine, but if you get coronavirus, you can get lung damage, heart damage, neurological damage, strokes, seizures, Guillain-Barré syndrome, immune disorders, erectile dysfunction and, get this, also blood clots.” — TREVOR NOAH“And today if you had a Johnson & Johnson appointment in New York, they gave out Pfizer instead. Yeah, it’s like going to a restaurant and hearing, ‘We’re out of Coke; is Dom Pérignon OK?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it’s a really rare event. It’s like seeing a working self-checkout machine at CVS, that’s how rare.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Johnson v. Johnson Edition)“Honestly, if you ask me, I think it’s impressive Johnson & Johnson even made a vaccine with such a low chance of blood clots. Pfizer and Moderna are drug companies; Johnson & Johnson makes baby shampoo — I’m surprised their [expletive] works at all.” — TREVOR NOAH“When reached for comment, Johnson said it was Johnson’s fault, but Johnson pointed the finger at Johnson.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I blame the second Johnson. He never graduated high school.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Damn it, Johnson & Johnson, you had one jab.” — JAMES CORDEN“Johnson & Johnson is owned by the same family who owns the New York Jets, so don’t think of this as a pause; think of it more like a 50-year rebuild.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingTaylor Swift revealed the inspiration for her song “Hey Stephen” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe comedian Margaret Cho will be on Wednesday’s “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”Also, Check This OutNina Totenberg, Linda Wertheimer and Cokie Roberts in 1979.NPRLisa Napoli’s “Susan, Linda, Nina & Cokie” chronicles four journalists who helped to establish NPR in the 1970s. More

    • 113 Shares179 Views

      in Television

      Matt Gaetz Is ‘Almost Too Florida,’ Says Stephen Colbert

      by

      Allegations of “Bahamas sex trafficking with a weed-peddling hand surgeon” make the congressman a nearly too-perfect representative of his state, Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Representing FloridaThe late-night hosts had plenty to say on Thursday about the accusations against Representative Matt Gaetz, Republican of Florida, as investigators examine a trip he took to the Bahamas with Jason Pirozzolo, a marijuana entrepreneur and hand surgeon.“Yes, marijuana entrepreneur and hand surgeon, which means he can cure your carpal tunnel and turn your thumb into a bong,” Stephen Colbert joked on Thursday’s “Late Show.”“By the way, if your hand surgeon is also a marijuana entrepreneur, probably a good idea to learn to write with your feet.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I know Gaetz is from Florida, but ‘Bahamas sex trafficking with weed-peddling hand surgeon’ is almost too Florida, even for him.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So good luck, Matt Gaetz. Maybe he just loves Trump so much he wants to go to jail with him, is that possible?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Gaetz is going to get screwed — and as usual, he’s going to have to pay for it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now might be a fun time to remind people of this tweet Matt Gaetz posted just before Michael Cohen testified in Congress about his former boss, Donald Trump: ‘Hey @michaelcohen212 do your wife & father-in-law know about your girlfriends? Maybe tonight would be a good time for that chat. I wonder if she’ll remain faithful while you’re in prison. She’s about to learn a lot.’ Oh, karma, you old rascal, you.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pence’s Book Deal Edition)“The former vice poodle is putting Pence to paper. He signed a two-book deal with Simon & Schuster — I wonder if he knows they’re a gay couple.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“How does Mike Pence have enough material to write two books? I feel like I can summarize his entire life in two sentences. One, he was vice president. Two, a fly landed on his head.” — JAMES CORDEN“The first book is a pretty straightforward memoir, but I was surprised by the second one. It’s actually a steamy romance novel, called ‘Presidential Vices.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Of course the book will be written by a ghostwriter, Mike Pence.” — JIMMY FALLON“This will be the only time pages got whiter after words were printed on them.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But the book is a little different, though. There’s a blank white page in the middle with the caption ‘selfie.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, Pence is currently considering a lot of titles for his memoir. First there’s ‘Fifty Shades of White.’ There’s also ‘Lord of the Flies.’ Next there’s ‘Tuesdays with Moron.’ And finally, ‘Are you There, Mother? It’s Me, Your Husband.” — JIMMY FALLON“Pence’s publisher calls this ‘the definitive book on one of the most consequential presidencies in American history.’ Oh, it was consequential, all right.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The book will cover not just Pence’s time in the White House but his whole life, including traumatic family events like the time he saw Mother without her bonnet. He even opens up about the time in college he experimented with almond milk.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m sure there will be a lot of talk about religion, his hopes and dreams, and then maybe a chapter about how his boss tried to murder him.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingGlenn Close talked about spending her pandemic in Montana on Thursday night’s “Desus & Mero.”Also, Check This OutFrom left, Deborah Ayorinde, Melody Hurd, Shahadi Wright Joseph and Ashley Thomas in “Them,” a new horror series from Amazon. The malevolent force at work here is racism.Amazon StudiosA Black family is faced with the terror of American racism in Amazon’s new 10-part horror series “Them.” More

    • 88 Shares119 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Fallon Celebrates Joe Biden’s Early-Bird Special

      by

      Late-night hosts welcomed the news that vaccines would be available to all American adults two weeks ahead of schedule.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.And You Get a Shot!President Biden announced on Tuesday that all American adults would be eligible to get a coronavirus vaccine by April 19, two weeks earlier than his previously stated goal.“Or as Biden calls it: Operation Early-Bird Special,” Jimmy Fallon joked on “The Tonight Show.”“When Joe Biden was running, he promised 100 million shots in 100 days, but we’ve blown past that barrier, baby. The U.S. is now administering about three million shots per day, on average. This administration is delivering pricks in arms. As opposed to the last administration, which delivered armed pricks.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Way to go, Joe! Getting it done early. Although, supporters of the previous president are quick to point out that he was able to finish his entire presidency a whole four years before his original goal.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You know more people are vaccinated when pajama sales go down and Spanx go up.” — JIMMY FALLON“You get a shot! And you get a shot! And you get a shot! Thanks, President Joe-prah!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I have to say, this is going to be a solid plan. You get vaxed on 4/19, then you smoke it up on 4/20.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Opening Day Edition)“Despite warnings from health experts, the Texas Rangers had a full crowd of more than 38,000 people for their home opener. Yeah, when they walked in all of the fans got a Dr. Fauci bobblehead that only shook its head ‘no.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Many of the fans were defiantly maskless. I like that adult men will go to a baseball stadium and wear a glove the whole game, for the one in 98,000 chance they might catch a foul ball. But a mask? No way, out of the question!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They just couldn’t wait to pee in a trough again.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know how they kept the virus away? They did the wave and they just fanned it all the way to Arkansas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was a strange game. It was the first time umpires were trying to get themselves thrown out.” — JIMMY FALLON“For those keeping score, the Rangers lost 6-2. So you can understand why the fans were excited: They only have 80 more chances this season to see the Rangers lose at home.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah broke down the pros and cons of vaccine passports on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightJulien Baker will perform a track from her latest album, “Little Oblivions,” on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This Out“Kung Fu,” a new show on the CW, stars Olivia Liang as an American college student who drops out to train at a monastery in China.Kailey Schwerman/CWThe CW’s “Kung Fu” reboot hopes to right the wrongs of its 1970s predecessor with a female lead and predominantly Asian-American cast. More