Fallon, Jimmy

Subterms

    More stories

    • 100 Shares129 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Breaks It Down for Spring Breakers

      by

      “Hot tip for Miami authorities: If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads,” Colbert joked. Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Spring Breaking the RulesCollege students celebrating spring break descended on Miami Beach over the weekend and flouted regulations about social distancing and wearing masks. On Monday night, Stephen Colbert chastised the city’s mayor, Dan Gelber, for saying those partyers were not “following the rules.” “Yes, he wants a spring break that’s not chaotic or disorderly, like in those famous videos, ‘Girls Gone Mild,’” Colbert said.“Things got so out of hand that on Saturday, the city was forced to declare a state of emergency and an 8 p.m. curfew. And, surprise, it didn’t work. Hot tip for Miami authorities: If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yup, now there’s a curfew from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. so spring breakers will have to return to their motel rooms. The best way to guard against Covid is forcing drunks into small, confined spaces, that’s what I’ve always heard.” — JIMMY FALLON“You know things are out of control when Florida is worried about Covid.” — JIMMY FALLON“College kids were like, ‘It’s a shame, ’cause I flew to Miami during a pandemic to party very responsibly.’” — JIMMY FALLON“[imitating partyer] Wooo! I’m with you, my fellow younglings. The virus can’t catch us if we don’t stop dancing! I’m never going to die!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is what’s going to happen after Florida’s governor called the state a ‘freedom oasis.’ Like if I put a Starbucks sign above my apartment door, I can’t be mad when people show up and try to take a [expletive] in my bathroom.” — TREVOR NOAH“But let’s be clear here: Covid is not over, all right? Some random dude can’t declare the end of the pandemic by dressing up like the Joker and making it rain. It’s not a thing. Only Anthony Fauci can declare the end of the pandemic by dressing up like the Joker and making it rain.” — TREVOR NOAH“But still, there’s no reason that you can’t celebrate spring break and wear a mask. It could be part of the fun. I mean, just think how sexy a wet mask contest could be, hmm? I mean, we haven’t seen mouths in a year — what’s under there?” — TREVOR NOAH“And if we learned anything from Miami, this is just a preview of how much everyone is going to get loose once the pandemic is truly over. People have been locked up for too long. Once it ends, everyone’s going to be drinking and partying, hooking up with everyone. It’s going to be so much that it’s going to create the next worldwide virus. Yeah, guys are going to be waking up in bed next to a bat like, ‘Uh-oh, I think I did it again.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Biden’s Trip Edition)“Our new president is on a roll, baby. Nothing can stop him now — except stairs.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He’s facing a lot of challenges in his first 100 days — the vaccine rollout, the crisis at the border, and what happened to Ms. Frizzle. Whew. But over the weekend, he faced his biggest challenge yet: staying upright.” — TREVOR NOAH“I’m sorry, guys, I honestly can’t believe that this happened. The president got knocked over by wind. This is going to be the first president where the Secret Service needs to carry around paperweights: ‘Hold on, sir, hold on. We got you, we got you — someone sneezed.’“ — TREVOR NOAH“He’s fine! Can we blame it on his dog, Major? No? Do it anyway.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s not like this just happened to Joe Biden, all right? It happens all the time. Biden tripped, Obama tripped, Mike Pence tripped. And the reason isn’t because they’re old — the reason is because they were running up and down stairs. You shouldn’t do that.” — TREVOR NOAH“That would never happen in Africa. I mean, mostly because our presidents fly commercial and they have to wait for their boarding group to be called, but you get what I mean.” — TREVOR NOAH“The point is we don’t think about it because we use stairs so much, all right? Nobody thinks about it, but stairs are basically an obstacle course. You take one wrong step and you’re going to eat [expletive]. And that’s one thing — one thing that my man Trump understood. You love him or hate him, but you’ve got to treat stairs with respect. He understood that. You walk up slowly, you hold the banister and you swear to God that if he lets you survive this, you will never walk up stairs ever again.” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s interesting — I feel like they’re the opposite with stairs and Covid. Like with Covid, Trump took no precautions; Biden took every precaution. But on stairs or ramps, Trump’s super careful, always holding the railing, going real slow. Whereas Biden throws caution to the wind, trips upstairs three times. So it’s interesting, you know? It just shows we all contain multitudes.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah looked into the gender disparities taking place as part of this year’s March Madness basketball tournament.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightMegan Mullally and Nick Offerman will catch up with Seth Meyers on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutPep band players can be some of the biggest basketball fans in the arena.Harry How/Getty ImagesOne noticeable difference for March Madness this year: no live bands. More

    • 125 Shares199 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Is Skeptical of Putin’s Best Wishes for Biden

      by

      “That is ominous,” Colbert said of Vladimir Putin’s wishing the president “good health” on Thursday. “But then again, when Putin says anything, it kind of sounds ominous.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.From Putin, With LovePresident Vladimir V. Putin of Russia responded to President Biden’s comments this week about his being a killer by saying on Thursday that “it takes one to know one” and that he wished Biden “good health,” clarifying that it was without irony or insinuation.Stephen Colbert took glee in the trading of barbs, saying, “Someone dust off Dolph Lundgren and get him hunting for Red October because the Cold War is back on, baby, and this time we’re gonna waterboard Billy Joel until he tells us who started the fire.”“Putin is famous for being a killer. It’s kind of his thing, along with horses and nipples.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So not going with a denial. Interesting.” — JAMES CORDEN“He’s killed so many people that in 2017, The Washington Post was able to publish a list of 10 critics of Vladimir Putin who died violently or in suspicious ways. His greatest hits are hits.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“As if the pandemic wasn’t enough, let’s throw in tension with a nuclear enemy into the mix.” — JIMMY FALLON“That is ominous. But then again, when Putin says anything, it kind of sounds ominous.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Putin has poisoned infector sushi, he’s thrown journalists out of windows, he’s tried to assassinate his most vocal domestic critic, Aleksei Navalny, by putting the lethal nerve agent Novichok in his underpants. It was an episode of Putin’s prank show, ‘Murdered.’”— STEPHEN COLBERT“But it is funny that Putin had to clarify that he is not joking when he wishes Biden good health. Because, let’s face it: The man has killed so many people, everybody assumes that is what he means.” — TREVOR NOAH“In other words, if you know what’s good for you, don’t drink the chamomile tea.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (March Madness Edition)“The N.C.A.A. March Madness basketball tournament began today, and it’s extra exciting because there was no tournament last year. So this is my first chance in two years to get furious at 19-year-olds I hadn’t heard of five minutes ago.” — SETH MEYERS“This is the year that answers the question, ‘How do you have an office pool when there’s no one at the office?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, everyone is doing their office pools. Of course, this year that means it’s you against your wife, your 2-year-old and your dog. ‘Rusty, you picked Gonzaga, too?’” — JIMMY FALLON“President Obama went out on a limb. He took No. 1 seed Gonzaga to go all the way, which is interesting when you consider that Gonzaga, as I have pointed out in the past, is not even a school. it doesn’t exist — it’s imaginary. They made it up to win basketball tournaments. It’s a pretend place. It’s like Wakanda for white people.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingMichelle Obama and Jimmy Fallon crashed random Zoom meetings on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutCynthia Erivo, a Grammy and Tony winner, portrays Aretha Franklin in Season 3 of “Genius,” including all the singing.Richard Ducree/National Geographic, via Associated PressCynthia Erivo shines as the soul singer Aretha Franklin in Season 3 of National Geographic’s bio-anthology “Genius: Aretha.” More

    • 100 Shares149 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Gets Serious About the Georgia Shootings

      by

      “Your murder speaks louder than your words,” Trevor Noah said of the man accused of killing eight people, most of them women of Asian descent.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘We Saw It Coming’The hosts got serious on Wednesday, addressing the shootings in the Atlanta area that killed eight people, most of them women of Asian descent. Trevor Noah said angrily that America saw this coming.“And what’s been sad about the story is not just the loss of life, but all of the auxiliary things that have been happening around the story, you know?” Noah said. “Like one of the first things that’s been the most frustrating for me is seeing the shooter say, ‘Oh, it wasn’t racism; it was sex addiction.’ First of all, [expletive] you, man. You killed six Asian people. Specifically, you went there. If there is anyone who’s racist, it is a [expletive] who killed six Asian women. Your murder speaks louder than your words.”“And you know, in a way, what makes it even more painful is that we saw it coming. We see these things happening. People have been warning. People in the Asian community have been tweeting, saying: ‘Please, help us. We’re getting punched in the street. We’re getting slurs written on our doors. We’re getting people coming up to us to say, “Thanks for Covid; thanks for spoiling the world! Thanks!”’ We are seeing this happening, and while we’re fighting for it, there are many people who have been like, ‘Oh, stop being so woke, so dramatic. Kung flu, come on, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha! It’s just a joke.’ Yeah, it’s a joke that comes at one of the most tense times in human history.” — TREVOR NOAH“Why are people so invested in solving the symptoms instead of the cause? America does this time and time again. A country that wants to fight the symptoms and not the underlying conditions that cause those symptoms to take effect — racism, misogyny, gun violence, mental illness. And, honestly, this incident might have been all of those things combined, because it doesn’t have to be one thing on its own; America is a rich tapestry of mass-shooting motivations.” — TREVOR NOAHStephen Colbert tied the shootings to the larger issues about immigration that the United States continues to face.“The only answer that comes to mind is a simple but strangely difficult one these days, and that’s not to hate each other, to recognize our common humanity; to acknowledge that we’re a nation of immigrants. We might believe different things, we might not look the same, but we’re all Americans. We share a common belief that all men are created equal, and it is that belief itself that makes people want to come here.” — STEPHEN COLBERTAnd on “The Late Late Show,” James Corden said the killings were a consequence of hateful speech.“When you think about the casual racism that’s been pervasive over the past 12 months, then we can start to see the link between language and action. There are real consequences to repeatedly hearing hateful speech. People get hurt and people die. This mass murder is the product of a system that repeatedly leaves women of color and sex workers in a place where they are invisible. They are vulnerable and targeted. Identifying these actions as a hate crime isn’t just about semantics. And because this is a hate crime, it falls on all of us to address the hate.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Rotten Potatoes Edition)“Well, guys, I want to start off by wishing everyone a very happy St. Patrick’s Day. Yep, instead of Pfizer and Moderna, people just stayed home and did shots of Jameson.” — JIMMY FALLON“Today is March 17, which means it’s St. Patrick’s Day. It is the day Irish people say, ‘Kiss me, I’m Irish,’ and people say, ‘No, you’re not, Governor Cuomo, stop that.’” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s a big day for me, since I’m Irish. I’m a Colbert, I’m a Tuck, I’m a Fee, I’m a Conley, I’m a Tormie, I’m an O’Neill. In fact, I scored 100 percent on Rotten Potatoes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Because of the pandemic, St. Patrick’s Day is very different this year. For instance, here in New York, they couldn’t hold the normal parade. They just had a small one to keep the tradition technically alive. And to ensure no crowds would show up, organizers invited Bill de Blasio.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, all day we got to play a fun game: Drunk Co-worker or Bad Zoom Connection.” — JIMMY FALLON“St. Patrick’s Day during Covid is pretty strange. You’ve got to stay six feet apart, or as Irish dads call it, hugging.” — JIMMY FALLON“My question is, is it really St. Patrick’s Day if I can’t watch a guy on Fifth Avenue puke into a green hat at 8 a.m., you know? I mean, are we really celebrating when I can’t see a subway grate blow a kilt over a man’s head?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee opened “Full Frontal” with a look into the recent rise in violence against women.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJustin Bieber will talk to James Corden on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutWilliam Singer, a central figure in the college admissions scandal that is the subject of “Operation Varsity Blues.”Netflix The new Netflix documentary “Operation Varsity Blues” delves into the headline-making 2019 college admissions bribery scandal. More

    • 100 Shares139 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Mocks Republicans’ Suspicious Minds on Vaccines

      by

      “Despite vaccines becoming more available, there’s still one thing holding Americans back: Americans,” Colbert lamented on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Calling TrumpStephen Colbert gave an update on the Covid-19 vaccination campaign on Tuesday night, lamenting that progress has been slow with a certain group of people.“Despite vaccines becoming more available, there’s still one thing holding Americans back: Americans,” Colbert deadpanned before launching into reports that Republicans were refusing vaccines in high percentages.“Because in a CBS poll, a third of Republicans said they would not be vaccinated. Come on, Republicans! Not everything is political. How do we convince you that you want it? Would it feel safer if the vaccine was administered by an AR-15?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Many of the Republicans polled cited ‘distrust of government’ as a reason to not be vaccinated. They worry the vaccines were produced too quickly. Duh! It was produced quickly because all of science dropped everything because your president wanted them to, and they did everything right with clinical trials! You wouldn’t stand in front of your burning house and tell the Fire Department, ‘Hold on, there, hold on — you fellas got here suspiciously fast.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One potential side effect of the coronavirus vaccine is that people are exposed to the idea that government can get things done.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThere have been suggestions that Donald Trump, who did not appear with the four other living former presidents in a recent ad promoting the vaccines, should do more to encourage his supporters to get inoculated.“I don’t know why Trump isn’t promoting the vaccine. I mean, maybe he doesn’t want to help Joe Biden end the pandemic. You know, maybe he’s still trying to unload all that hydroxychloroquine that he bought last summer. The question is, why are Republicans so hesitant to get the vaccine in the first place? Well, it might be because their most trusted friends are telling them it can’t be trusted.” — TREVOR NOAH“And I can’t say that I’m surprised that Trump isn’t making an effort to get people vaccinated. I mean, the man barely did his job when he had his job; you think he’s going to start working now? For free?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Sister Act Edition)“But President Biden has been trying to reach out to North Korea for weeks. Kim Jong-un isn’t having it. I don’t know if he’s tried sending a love letter — I hear Kim is really into those.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At first I thought the reason for the lack of response might be that Kim Jong-un uses a fax machine, but then I remembered Biden does, too, so.” — JIMMY FALLON“After a long period of silence, Kim Jong-un’s sister, Khloé Jong-un — or, I mean, is it Kourtney? Kourtney Jong-un lashed out.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“She warned the Biden administration that if it wants peace it had better, quote, ‘refrain from causing a stink at its first step. We take this opportunity to warn the new U.S. administration trying hard to give off powder smell in our land.’ I’m sure it sounds more threatening in Korean.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You don’t need to ask the ‘No malarkey’ guy to not cause a stink. He’s got it covered.” — JAMES CORDEN“That’s not how you talk to another country, is it? That’s how you talk to a spouse right before you go to a dinner party. You’re like: ‘Please avoid talking to Hank about politics. I don’t want you causing a stink.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Also I like that Kim Jong-un had his sister deliver the message. It’s like North Korea’s version of ‘I heard a noise in America; go check it out.’” — JIMMY FALLON“By the way, it’s rare that a dictator’s sibling speaks out. I don’t remember reading about any stern warnings from Lois Hitler.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s funny because North Korea thinks these statements they make are sick burns but they always sound like riddles instead. It’s like: ‘If you wish to cross the bridge, be wise not to anger us like the cat who swallowed mushrooms unwashed.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, nice try, North Korea, but we’re America — we haven’t slept well for the past five years.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Jenny Hagel and Amber Ruffin poke fun at the Utah Black History Museum and myths that vaccines can turn people gay in Tuesday’s return of “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe actress Laverne Cox will pop by Wednesday’s “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”Also, Check This Out“I’m finally being honest with myself,” the singer Demi Lovato said.Ryan Pfluger for The New York TimesThe singer Demi Lovato opened up to The New York Times about her queerness, her near fatal overdose and her journey to living her truth. “I’m ready to feel like myself,” she said. More

    • 175 Shares109 Views

      in Television

      Trevor Noah: Andrew Cuomo Is ‘the Only Person Who Wishes It Was Still 2020’

      by

      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightTrevor Noah: Andrew Cuomo Is ‘the Only Person Who Wishes It Was Still 2020’“At some point we’re going to find out the Statue of Liberty only holds that torch so she can fend him off,” Noah said Monday of sexual misconduct allegations against the New York governor.“A.O.C. wants him to resign, Schumer wants him to resign, his brother renamed his CNN show from ‘Cuomo Primetime’ to ‘It’s Just Chris, O.K.? It’s Just Chris,’” Trevor Noah joked.Credit…Comedy CentralMarch 16, 2021Updated 3:14 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Cuomo’s CancellationSeveral lawmakers publicly asked Gov. Andrew Cuomo, Democrat of New York, to resign after six women accused him of sexual misconduct. On Monday night’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah referred to Cuomo as “the only person who wishes it was still 2020.”“Bullying and groping women, a ‘Mad Men’ office culture and pushing women to wear dresses and heels? I mean it sounds like Cuomo basically thought of himself like a bouncer outside a nightclub, which is convenient for him, because that might be his job in a couple of months.” — TREVOR NOAH“And practically every day now there are more and more accusations piling up. It’s getting so bad that he’s going to have to bring back his PowerPoint slides just to track the harassment claims.” — TREVOR NOAH“I mean just in the past couple of weeks we’ve heard about him harassing staffers, journalists, wedding guests — it seems like no women in New York were safe from this guy. At some point we’re going to find out the Statue of Liberty only holds that torch so she can fend him off.” — TREVOR NOAH“First of all, you know you’re in a bad spot when even Chuck Schumer calls on you to resign. That dude doesn’t do anything hastily. Before he makes any decision, he has to have at least four brow furrows and inch his glasses down to the tip of his nose.” — SETH MEYERS“Second, so many Democrats have called on Cuomo to resign that at this point it’s easier to ask who hasn’t done so: ‘Good news, Governor, the Oswego County Commissioner for Water and Sewer Services is standing by us. Wait, nope, sorry, he said you should resign. Somebody call the Schenectady Parks Department — they’ll never turn on us!’” — SETH MEYERS“A.O.C. wants him to resign, Schumer wants him to resign, his brother renamed his CNN show from ‘Cuomo Primetime’ to ‘It’s Just Chris, OK? It’s Just Chris.’” — TREVOR NOAH“All right, first of all, can we now agree the term ‘cancel culture’ is officially meaningless? He’s using the same line as the people who spent the last three weeks getting mad about the Muppets, Mr. Potato Head, and Looney Tunes.” — SETH MEYERS“But yes, Andrew Cuomo thinks that holding him to account for his actions is cancel culture, which is obviously making people pretty angry — especially nursing home residents. They’re like ‘[Expletive], you canceled Gladys!’” — TREVOR NOAH“And I have to be honest, if this is cancel culture, well then I have no idea what cancel culture means any more. I guess it’s about letting Dr. Seuss’s books be racist but also not letting politicians get away with sexual harassment. Cancel culture feels a lot like watching ‘WandaVision.’ Every time I think I get what it’s about, the next scene is like ‘Now it’s about a purple witch who is only pretend possessed?’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Oscar Nominations Edition)“Earlier this morning, the nominations were announced for the 93rd Academy Awards. This year’s Oscars air on April 25, two months later than usual, because if anything’s good for ratings, it’s a four-hour award show about online movies that came out a year ago.” — JIMMY FALLON“The Netflix film ‘Mank’ led the way with 10 nominations. That’s basically one nomination for every time you paused ‘Mank’ to check Instagram on your phone.” — JIMMY FALLON“The most nominated film with 10 nods was ‘Mank,’ which is the true story of how Herman J. Mankiewicz wrote the screenplay for ‘Citizen Kane.’ That’s right, it’s a movie about another movie. Because there’s nothing Hollywood loves more than itself.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But here’s some good news: This year’s Oscar nominees are the most diverse ever. Meanwhile, Golden Globes voters were like, ‘A lot of our best friends are diverse.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This year’s nominees are the most diverse, as opposed to the usual Oscar nominees, which look like the crowd at a Steely Dan concert inside a Pinkberry.” — JIMMY FALLON“The Academy also announced that the ceremony will take place partially from Union Station this year in Los Angeles, which is where all the trains converge. That’s exciting. This means this year Gary Oldman might accept an Oscar on a caboose.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingCorrespondent Jaboukie Young-White looked into some popular misconceptions about the Covid-19 vaccine for Monday’s “The Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightMichelle Obama will talk about her new Netflix series, “Waffles + Mochi,” on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutThe director Chloé Zhao, the director of photography Joshua James Richards and Frances McDormand filming “Nomadland.”Credit…Searchlight Pictures/HuluThis year’s Oscar nods include a history-making turn for Chloé Zhao, the first Chinese woman and first woman of color to be nominated for Best Director.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

    • 113 Shares119 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Kimmel Reminisces About One Year of ‘Living Contagiously’

      by

      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightJimmy Kimmel Reminisces About One Year of ‘Living Contagiously’“If somebody said ‘N95’ to you one year ago, you’d think they were a bingo caller,” Kimmel joked on America’s “coronaversary.”“The traditional gift for a one-year anniversary is paper, so I figured toilet paper makes the most sense,” Kimmel said while throwing some to a socially distanced audience of employees.Credit…ABCMarch 12, 2021, 1:45 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.One Year Later, Gifts for EveryoneJimmy Kimmel celebrated America’s “coronaversary” on Thursday night, referring to it as “one year of living contagiously.”“The traditional gift for a one-year anniversary is paper, so I figured toilet paper makes the most sense,” he said, while tossing the most in-demand item from last March to a sparse, socially distanced audience made up of “Jimmy Kimmel Live” employees.“I think we all remember where we were when we heard the news, because we’re all still there.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, it’s been exactly one year since we’ve had an audience, and I’ve got to say, I really miss the laughs, the energy, and of course, keeping the lost wallets.” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, it was a year ago today that we had our last show with a full audience. Six days later, I did the show from home, and six days after that, both my kids had agents.” — JIMMY FALLON“I remember that day like it was yesterday. Everything was shutting down, people were scared, grocery stores were ransacked, so I got up on a chair in the office and gave an inspirational speech where I said to my staff, ‘Gang, I know you’re terrified, but this is our moment. People are counting on us. So let’s get out there and put on the best [expletive] show of our lives!’ And then I looked down and the room was empty except for a tumbleweed that rolled past, stole a bottle of Purell off my desk and then left.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Way We Were Edition)“And today marks one year since the World Health Organization declared Covid-19 a pandemic. Prior to that, it was actually categorized as a legume.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If somebody said ‘N95’ to you one year ago, you’d think they were a bingo caller.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Remember when we were carefully disassembling our Instacart deliveries like a munitions expert in ‘The Hurt Locker’? Watch out, the Chipotle could explode!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course, it’s also the one-year anniversary of the first time I Lysol-ed a banana. But not the last.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s also been one year since we all trapped ourselves inside our homes with stockpiles of gin and red wine, watching ‘Tiger King’ and ‘Love Is Blind’ while clinging to our last shreds of toilet paper like a plank floating in the water after a shipwreck.” — SETH MEYERS“I think we all remember where we were when we heard the news, because we’re all still there.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, the past year was just like flying United Airlines. The engine fell off, but somehow we still made it.” — JIMMY FALLON“If you had told me a year ago that nearly 100 million Americans would be vaccinated for Covid by March 2021, I would have said, ‘What are you talking about? They said this will be over in two weeks. All we’ve got to do is flatten the curve, that’s it. When the warm weather comes, it will just disappear.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe writer and chef Eddie Huang talked with Desus and Mero about his new movie, “Boogie,” and his feelings about recent racially driven attacks on Asian-Americans.Also, Check This OutCredit…Nathaniel Russell, Alex Kalman, Sinna NasseriSeventy-five musicians, authors, directors, comedians, painters and playwrights answer seven questions about creativity and productivity (or lack thereof) in the pandemic.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

    • 113 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Celebrates the Passing of the Stimulus Bill

      by

      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightStephen Colbert Celebrates the Passing of the Stimulus Bill“There you go, baby. You’re rich! Buy yourself something nice, like rent or medicine,” Colbert said on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”The Biden administration promised that some Americans would receive checks by the end of March. “Do you know what that means? There’s finally going to be an end of March!” Stephen Colbert rejoiced.Credit…CBSMarch 11, 2021, 2:15 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trillions in StimulationCongress passed a $1.9 trillion stimulus aid bill on Wednesday, with Democrats sending the measure to President Biden despite no Republican support.“Something historic happened on Capitol Hill, and it wasn’t punching a cop and pooping on the rug,” Stephen Colbert said, adding, “It’s a pretty low bar.”“With this passage, the government is about to send $1,400 stimulus checks to millions of Americans. There you go, baby. You’re rich! Buy yourself something nice, like rent or medicine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Huge news. With $1,400 a year into the pandemic, you can finally pay May 2020’s rent.” — JAMES CORDEN“The $1.9 trillion price tag brings the total spent on Covid relief to $5.5 trillion. By comparison, adjusted for inflation, World War II cost the U.S. government roughly $4 trillion. Hopefully, we’ll get some great coronavirus movies like ‘Inoculating Private Ryan,’ or one about your uncle who still wears his mask below his nose, ‘Dumb Kirk.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The administration says a large number of Americans could receive their $1,400 stimulus payments before the end of March. Do you know what that means? There’s finally going to be an end of March!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The money will be going out soon, and really, what’s more reassuring than the phrase, ‘Don’t worry, the check’s in the mail’?” — JAMES CORDEN“Most Americans are thrilled the bill passed. In fact, President Biden is so amped, he just bit his dog.” — JIMMY FALLON“One point nine trillion dollars. That’s like a dollar for every email you got this year that started with, ‘In these challenging times.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Biden might not need to work too hard to sell his stimulus plan, because according to polls, 75 percent of voters said they support the package, and Biden’s approval rating since he took office is a steady 57 percent. Old steady Joe: He may not be as exciting as the last guy we were with, but, you know, he’s good with kids, in that he cares whether they live in poverty.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Republican’t or Won’t Edition)“The House passed the $1.9 trillion coronavirus relief bill today. Democrats are calling it a landmark bill that will give Americans desperately needed financial assistance during a pandemic, while Republicans are calling it ‘not what Dr. Seuss would have wanted.’” — SETH MEYERS“It will give Americans more access to health care and boost the vaccination rate. So naturally, Republicans are against it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“No Republicans voted for the bill in the House or in the Senate, even though more than 70 percent of Americans support it. The only other Bill 70 percent of Americans support is Murray.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s very rare to have that, but Republicans in Congress can’t support it because Democrats in Congress do support it. If a meteor was hurtling toward the earth and Chuck Schumer said, ‘We’ve got to stop this,’ Mitch McConnell would be like, ‘No we don’t. No we don’t. Could lead to socialism.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee investigated the women of QAnon on Wednesday’s “Full Frontal.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightPhoebe Bridgers, a Grammy nominee for Best New Artist, will appear on Thursday’s “Late Night With Seth Meyers” ahead of Sunday’s awards show.Also, Check This OutCredit…Antoine CosséMany Hollywood actors came from theater, so why aren’t more helping to keep Broadway alive in the pandemic?AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

    • 100 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Royals’ Interview Response Rings Hollow to Late-Night Hosts

      by

      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightRoyals’ Interview Response Rings Hollow to Late-Night HostsStephen Colbert was puzzled by the British monarchy’s concern about being seen as out of touch: “Because if there’s one thing the palace surrounded by iron spikes looked like before, it was ‘in touch.’”Late-night hosts read from the British royal family’s response to Oprah Winfrey’s interview with Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.Credit…CBSMarch 10, 2021Updated 6:57 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Royally Out of TouchLate-night hosts on Tuesday discussed the British royal family’s response to Oprah Winfrey’s interview with Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, which included allegations of racism that observers say could cause lasting damage to the monarchy.“Palace sources say the Windsors were blindsided because they thought at worst, the interview would make them look out of touch,” Stephen Colbert said. “Because if there’s one thing a palace surrounded by iron spikes looked like before, it was ‘in touch.’ Now, remember not to make eye contact with the lady whose face is on the coins.”“Buckingham Palace today released a statement on behalf of the queen that begins, ‘The whole family is saddened’ — saddened is another word for bull [expletive] — ‘to learn the full extent of how challenging the last few years have been for Harry and Meghan.’ Oh, they just found out. ‘The issues raised, particularly that of race, are concerning. While some recollections may vary, they will be addressed privately.’ In other words, Prince Charles is about to get a royal shoe in his [expletive].” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The statement continues, ‘They are taken very seriously and will be addressed by the family privately.’ Oh, no doubt. I hear Prince Andrew has an island he goes to to address his privates.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“For those who aren’t fluent in palace speak, they’re basically saying, ‘We’re sorry you feel this way.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The statement would have sounded more sincere if they didn’t end it with, ‘So, we good?’” — JIMMY FALLONEmotional ExitHosts also couldn’t resist poking fun at the television anchor Piers Morgan, who resigned from “Good Morning Britain” on Tuesday after being called out on air for frequently speaking ill of Meghan.“That’s right, after months of criticizing Meghan Markle for making an emotional exit, Piers stormed offstage in an emotional exit.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, Piers is leaving, and he asked to be taken in by Tyler Perry and given full security.” — JIMMY FALLON“Piers Morgan is such a baby, someone at Buckingham Palace just asked what color he’s gonna be.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Congratulations. Tomorrow’s going to be a great morning, Britain.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Dog Bites Man Edition)“Speaking of aggressive behavior, at the White House there’s been what has been described as ‘a biting incident’ involving President Biden’s German shepherd, Major, who allegedly sank his teeth into an unnamed individual. Major has been stripped of his rank; he’s dishonorably discharged.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Now, before you worry, the dog is fine. He wasn’t sent to a farm upstate in Delaware, because Delaware doesn’t have an upstate. It barely has a state.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Apparently Major was jumping, barking and charging at people. You’d think after the last four years, the White House staff would be used to that.” — JIMMY FALLON“I just want to point out that we’re a month and a half into the Biden administration and the first scandal is literally ‘Dog Bites Man.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They sent him back home to live in Delaware. See, that’s another difference between Biden and Trump: When Biden’s dog misbehaves, they send him home. When Trump’s dog misbehaved, he sent his supporters to storm the Capitol and get him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“When Major heard he was going back to Delaware, he was like, ‘No, please! A kennel, the pound, anything — just not Delaware.’” — JIMMY FALLON“See, under the last administration, that kind of behavior would have made you press secretary.” — SETH MEYERS“Major was removed from the White House. He was impooched.” — JAMES CORDEN“Yep, Major and Champ have left the White House, and Sunday night they’re sitting down with Oprah to discuss where it all went wrong.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“Conan” compiled all the edited American ads that played during the British airing of the Oprah interview.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe actor Kevin Bacon will appear on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutNorton Juster in 2011 at his home in Northampton, Mass. “The idea of children looking at things differently is a precious thing,” he once said. “The most important thing you can do is notice.”Credit…Bill Greene/The Boston Globe, via Getty ImagesThe late Norton Juster changed children’s literature with his 1961 illustrated classic “The Phantom Tollbooth.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More