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    Kimmel Mocks Pete Hegseth’s Rumored Pentagon Makeup Studio

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    “Nothing sparks fear in the hearts of our enemies like a defense secretary who puts foundation on his face,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.All Dolled UpPete Hegseth denied reports this week that he requested a makeup studio built at the Pentagon to prepare for television interviews.On Thursday, Jimmy Kimmel said Americans wouldn’t even recognize the former secretary of defense, as opposed to Hegseth, who “is on TV now more than Ryan Seacrest.”“This is Lloyd Austin, he is a four-star general. He was the previous secretary of defense. You ever seen him before? No. You know why? He was inside the Pentagon doing his job — he was not on TV.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He has strongly denied this. He called it a ‘totally fake story,’ and a Defense Department official added that — he said it makes no sense because Pete does his own makeup, which is more embarrassing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I don’t know why he would be ashamed of this. A lot of warriors wear makeup. You ever see Mel Gibson in ‘Braveheart’? He’s got it all over.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Nothing sparks fear in the hearts of our enemies like a defense secretary who puts foundation on his face and a big palm full of Suavecito Pomade in his hair every day. It’s the warrior ethos.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The defense secretary has a makeup room, the vice president wears eyeliner, and yet somehow this administration spends all day, every day complaining about trans women ruining sports.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Take Your Kid to Work Day Edition)“So today was Take Your Kids to Work Day, which I admit I misunderstood — I didn’t know it had to be my kid.” — GREG GUTFELD“It is a day that got started in 1992 as a way for children to learn why their parents are so depressed all the time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It used to be Take Your Daughter to Work Day — remember that? — and it encouraged women in the workplace. Then over time it changed to Take Your Son or Daughter to Work. The rule is you have to pay your son 22 percent more than the daughter.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At the White House this morning, Elon Musk brought a few of his kids to work — not all of them. He brought him to meet President Trump. See, that’s what happens when you get them wet — they multiply.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe singer Jelly Roll discussed his 200-pound weight loss on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutA young Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong, as seen in “Cheech and Chong’s Last Movie.”Ed Caraeff/Keep Smokin’David Bushell’s new documentary, “Cheech and Chong’s Last Movie,” celebrates its stars’ enduring friendship, on-screen and off. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Skewers Elon Musk’s Plan to ‘Get Out of DOGE’

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      “Musk says that he will dial back his work with the government so that he can spend more time with all 10 of his families,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Getting out of DOGEOn Tuesday, Elon Musk said he would soon spend less time in Washington and focus on running Tesla.Jimmy Kimmel called Musk “Mr. Congeniality” on Wednesday, saying the mogul “wants to get out of DOGE.”“Musk says he will dial back his work with the government so that he can spend more time with all 10 of his families.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“People forget, Elon — he can’t spend all his time in Washington. He has a company to run into the ground.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In the first three months of this year, Tesla’s profits have fallen 71 percent. Which I guess is what happens when your CEO turns into white Kanye before your eyes.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m really not sure going back to Tesla is going to help anything at all. The reason Tesla is tanking is because people hate him and they don’t want to buy his stuff. Him being back is not going to make it better.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pope Jokes Edition)“Even though they have their differences, Donald Trump said he will attend the funeral of Pope Francis. And, out of respect, he will delay slapping tariffs on communion wafers.” — GREG GUTFELD“President Trump plans on eulogizing the pope by saying, ‘He was a great pope except for the times he was a sucker and a loser.’” — GREG GUTFELDThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Ayo Edebiri read her Letterboxd review of “Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney” during the show on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJelly Roll will join Brandon Lake for a performance of “Hard Fought Hallelujah” on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutMaggie & Terre Roche, sisters from Park Ridge, N.J., released their album “Seductive Reasoning” 50 years ago this month.Columbia RecordsTurning 50 this month, Maggie & Terre Roche’s little-known 1975 album “Seductive Reasoning” is a forgotten revelation. More

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      Kimmel Likens the Selection of a New Pope to ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’

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      The late night host also described the papal conclave as determining “who will be handed the keys to the popemobile” on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Shantay, You StayWith Pope Francis’ funeral on Saturday, the selection of his successor will quickly follow.On Tuesday, Jimmy Kimmel discussed the traditional process of determining “who will be handed the keys to the popemobile.”“Over the next few weeks, 135 flamboyantly dressed cardinals will gather to pass judgment on a series of aspiring candidates. In a lot of ways, it’s the Catholic version of ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And nobody’s going to be more insufferable this week than your friend who saw the movie ‘Conclave’ and now knows everything about how it works.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The Vatican has published images of the pope laying in an open casket. A surprise, Jill Biden said, ‘I’d hit that.’” — GREG GUTFELD“The funeral will be held Saturday for people who want to see something less depressing than ‘S.N.L.’” — GREG GUTFELD“We won’t know for at least a couple of weeks who will succeed Pope Francis, but this guy, to me, this is the guy at the top of my list. One of the candidates is an Italian cardinal stationed in Jerusalem. His name is Pierbattista Pizzaballa. ‘For a limited time only at Papa John’s, the Pizzaballa!’ How much fun would that be? In fact, if you don’t mind, I’d like to take a minute to pray. Please bow your heads.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Earth Day Edition)“Today, of course, is Earth Day. Nancy Pelosi said, ‘I remember the first one, 7 billion years ago.’” — GREG GUTFELD“Think about this: One planet produced dinosaurs and the iPhone and Fig Newtons and Kid Rock. Isn’t that something?” — JIMMY KIMMEL”The Environmental Protection Agency did their part to honor our planet today, with a round of reassignments and mass layoffs. I can’t help but wonder how different things might be if Donald Trump’s father had taken him camping even one time.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingIn his Tuesday monologue, Greg Gutfeld targeted the city of San Francisco while discussing dark woke.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night“The Bear” star Ayo Edebiri will appear on Wednesday’s “Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney.”Also, Check This OutA first-edition copy of “The Great Gatsby” at Princeton University. In honor of the book’s 100th anniversary, the university has mounted the exhibit “Living Forever: The Archive of The Great Gatsby,” which runs through November. Karsten Moran for The New York Times“The Great Gatsby” will celebrate its 100th anniversary with special exhibitions in New York, Minnesota, New Jersey and South Carolina. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Praises Pope Francis for Going Out With a Mic Drop

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      “Is there anything more Catholic than waiting until Monday to die so you don’t upstage Jesus Christ?” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Pope Version of a Mic Drop’Pope Francis died on Monday, just one day after meeting with Vice President JD Vance at the Vatican on Easter Sunday and leading Mass in St. Peter’s Square.“Is there anything more Catholic than waiting until Monday to die so you don’t upstage Jesus Christ?” Jimmy Kimmel said.“I mean, I don’t think there is. It’s the Pope version of a mic drop, really.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, man, what a way to go, huh? I mean, ‘Holy Father, do you have any last wishes?’ ‘Well, not this. Not this. Not a meet and greet with Vice President Maybelline, no thank you.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Shortly after his visit, Vance tweeted, ‘Today I met with the Holy Father Pope Francis. I am grateful for his invitation to meet, and I pray for his good health. Happy Easter!’ So now we know JD Vance is bad at praying, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Then Trump announced that he will be attending the Pope’s funeral. He said they’re ‘looking forward to being there!’ like he got tickets to Coachella or something. What are the chances Trump declares himself Pope? They’re not zero.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Easter Messaging Edition)“On Easter Sunday, President Trump wrote, ‘Happy Easter to all, including the radical left lunatics bringing murderers, drug lords, dangerous prisoners, the mentally insane, and MS-13 gang members and wife beaters back into our country.’ He then deported the Easter Bunny to El Salvador.” — GREG GUTFELD“We have a president who addresses the nation like the Zodiac Killer on Easter Sunday.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, my gosh, my favorite holiday on the Christian calendar: the day when we celebrate Jesus being resurrected from the dead. Or, as Elon Musk sees it, an elaborate scheme to defraud Social Security.” — BILL MAHER“Trump is honoring the day by locking up guys named Jesus, and he pardoned Pontius Pilate.” — BILL MAHER“We see Melania and the Easter Bunny on the same schedule — once a year at this time.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian George Wallace and the political commentator Alyssa Farah Griffin weighed in on Bernie Sanders’s surprise appearance at Coachella on Saturday’s “Have I Got News For You.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightRepresentative Jasmine Crockett will appear on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutSome of the biggest names in American culture have skated, danced or nervously shimmied their way down this corridor.Bethany Mollenkof for The New York Times“The Jennifer Hudson Show” has taken over TikTok with its “spirit tunnel” video clips. More

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      Late Night Revels in Harvard’s Rejection of Trump’s Demand

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      “I don’t usually root for Harvard, because they’re Harvard. They’ve got everything. It’s like rooting for Jeff Bezos to win the lottery,” Ronny Chieng said on “The Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.What, Like It’s Hard?On Monday, the Trump administration announced it would freeze $2.2 billion in multiyear grants to Harvard after the private university refused to implement requested changes to its hiring, admissions and curriculum.Ronny Chieng adopted a Boston accent on Tuesday’s “Daily Show” to express that Harvard was fighting back “wicked hard.”“We finally found a force more powerful than Trump’s hatred: Harvard’s love of sending rejection letters.” — RONNY CHIENG“Hey, Trump administration, now you’re just like the rest of us because you just got rejected by Harvard.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And who better to determine what colleges should and should not be doing than the man who had to shell out $25 million in penalties for running a fraudulent university he named after himself?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“My money’s on Harvard. I grew up in the ’80s — I’ve seen ‘Revenge of the Nerds.’ I know who wins these things.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But, look, I don’t usually root for Harvard, because they’re Harvard. They’ve got everything. It’s like rooting for Jeff Bezos to win the lottery.” — RONNY CHIENG“The only thing I’ll say in Donald Trump’s defense is that Matt Damon went to Harvard, so they obviously don’t care too much about merit.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tax Day Edition)“So today’s Tax Day or, as Hunter Biden calls it, any other day of the week.” — GREG GUTFELD“If you’re watching this live, you have 20-ish minutes to get your taxes in before the deadline. And if you’re an IRS worker, you have recently been fired. I’m sorry about that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Folks, as I mentioned before, it’s Tax Day or, as billionaires call it, ‘What?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Does anyone even work at the IRS anymore? Do we even have to? Our IRS office downtown — they turned it into a Spirit Halloween store.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actor Finn Wolfhard reflected with Colbert on 10 years of filming “Stranger Things” ahead of the Netflix show’s final season, on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightNo stranger to late night, David Letterman will appear on Wednesday’s “Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney.”Also, Check This OutThe bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City, on April 19, 1995, remains the deadliest domestic terror attack in U.S. history.Jim Argo/USA Today NetworkThe National Geographic docuseries “Oklahoma City Bombing: One Day in America” recounts the experiences of individuals affected by the attack on the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building 30 years ago. More

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      Late Night Taps Into Trump’s Preoccupation With Water Pressure

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      Jimmy Fallon said the good news is that “more powerful shower heads are on the way. Bad news: They’re all made in China.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Making Showers Great AgainPresident Trump signed an executive order on Wednesday repealing Biden-instituted restrictions on water flow in shower heads.On Thursday, Jimmy Fallon said the good news is “more powerful shower heads are on the way. Bad news: They’re all made in China.”“America was, like, ‘What are you doing in our 401(k)?’ And Trump was, like, ‘Stronger shower nozzles.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Stronger showers are better than what Trump does now, which is lying on the hood of a Cybertruck and going through a carwash.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, President Trump signed an executive order titled ‘Maintaining Acceptable Water Pressure in Shower Heads.’ And tomorrow he’s signing another important one called ‘Installing the Toilet Paper So It Rolls Off the Top, Not the Bottom.’” — SETH MEYERS“Ah, yes, the war on showers: a fight Steve Bannon has been on the front lines of his whole life.” — DESI LYDIC“Now, most people probably didn’t even realize we were in a war on showers, because no one in the Biden administration ever accidentally added a reporter to the ‘war on showers’ group chat.” — DESI LYDIC“But, in all seriousness, I know the war on showers very well, OK? My uncle actually lost his leg from stepping on a bath bomb — it’s never been the same.” — DESI LYDIC“Trump is literally making it rain, removing limits on water pressure from shower heads.” — GREG GUTFELD“Trump said that he has to stand under the shower for 15 minutes before he gets wet. I think the problem is Trump wears so much bronzer, he made himself waterproof.” — JIMMY FALLON“Why does Donald Trump even need a shower? You’d think the three-hour tongue bath he gets every morning from ‘Fox & Friends’ would be sufficient.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Another Perfect Physical Edition)“Tomorrow, the president is scheduled to get his annual physical. They should do that in front of the cameras, too. They should have a public weigh-in. How much fun would that be? March him on a scale in a jockstrap like he’s about to fight Jake Paul.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, Trump’s very excited. Today, he was handed a giant chart to pick what he’d like his weight to be.” — JIMMY FALLON“The physical is tomorrow, which means we should have the results tonight.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s not easy taking care of Trump. About halfway through, his doctor will be like, ‘Forget the tariffs — I think I need to pause for 90 days.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Saturday Night Live” star Bowen Yang discussed his new role in “The Wedding Banquet” while on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutFor the series “Next Gen NYC,” Bravo will follow the children of some of the network’s stars along with some of their influencer friends.Bronson Farr/BravoBravo’s Gen Z nepo babies star in the network’s new “Real Housewives” spinoff, “Next Gen NYC.” More

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      Late Night Gives Trump’s Education Agency Shutdown a Failing Grade

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      “Trump famously said he loves the poorly educated, and now he will have so many more people to love,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.This Wasn’t on the SyllabusOn Thursday, President Trump signed an executive order gutting the Department of Education.“They say ignorance is bliss,” Jimmy Kimmel remarked during that night’s monologue.“I know it sounds like a joke, but it’s not. Trump famously said he loves the poorly educated, and now he will have so many more people to love.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump signed the order during an event at the White House they invited a group of children to attend. They’re like ‘Hey, kids, who hates school?’ And they’re like ‘Well, we do!’ and they said, ‘Well, good news, it’s over.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The idea behind this is to let the states come up with their own educational standards. For instance, from here on, in order to receive a high school diploma in Florida, all you have to do is complete the maze on the back of the kids’ menu at Fuddruckers.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Today, President Trump signed an executive order to shut down the Department of Education. It’s a historic move that years from now kids will not read about in history textbooks.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Trump signed an order today to dismantle the Department of Education. Yep. Soon employees will be reading their pink slips at a third-grade level.” — GREG GUTFELD“Meanwhile, one angry ex-employee claims it was the worst thing to happen since Nazis won the Civil War.” — GREG GUTFELDThe Punchiest Punchlines (D.E.I. Takedown Edition)“Yesterday, the Department of Defense, as part of their war against woke, removed a page about Jackie Robinson’s distinguished military career. They pulled it down. A spokesperson for the Pentagon said, ‘We do not view or highlight them’ — not sure what he means by them, but — ‘through the prism of immutable characteristics such as race, ethnicity or sex.’ Right, Jackie Robinson was just a baseball player; nothing special about him. Rosa Parks just loved to ride the bus. She was a commuter.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Imagine how racist you have to be to be racist against Jackie Robinson today.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Don’t blame us — blame our racist software. We should have never used ChatKKK. Classic mistake.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“I don’t get it: How can something like this happen under the president who’s done more for Black people than Abraham Lincoln?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingBob Mould performed his new single on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutFlannery O’Connor’s caricature of an aristocratic couple. The darkly comic Southern writer Flannery O’Connor was (quietly) a visual artist, too. A new exhibition in Georgia showcases 70 of her pieces. More

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      Jon Stewart Isn’t Falling for Trump’s Golf Tournament ‘Win’

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      After the president claimed victory at his own club, Stewart compared him to “the Make-a-Wish Batman kid: ‘Hey, look at that, Donald. You caught all the criminals.’” Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Hole in NonePresident Trump declared on Sunday that he’d won a championship at Trump International Golf Club in Florida — not the first time he’d claimed victory at one of his own clubs.Jon Stewart mocked Trump’s announcement with some well-placed air quotes on Monday’s “Daily Show.”“Oh, he ‘won the tournament’ at ‘Trump International’? How did that happen?” Stewart said.“This dude’s whole life, he’s like the Make-a-Wish Batman kid: ‘Hey, look at that, Donald. You caught all the criminals.’” — JON STEWART“Look, I’m opposed to anyone rolling back American democracy, but I do tip the cap to any 78-year-old winning a golf tournament.” — JON STEWART“And, by the way, still having enough energy left to stroll into the command center in his golf attire to bomb the [expletive] out of Yemen! Yeah. Now, look, anyone can bomb the [expletive] out of Yemen after nine holes, but 18?” — JON STEWART“Who are the other players in this tournament? I mean, seriously, are there other golfers, or is it just Eric with his Fisher-Price clubs?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I want to see a full 580-page investigation of this tournament. I want to know everything. I want scorecards, I want video, I want affidavits from the caddies, I want a forensic investigation of every divot he didn’t bother to replace. How is it possible that this guy beats every other golfer every year?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (St. Patrick’s Day Edition)“Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Once again, it is cabbage’s night to shine tonight.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know what? The way things have been going lately, it’s nice to have an excuse to drink on a Monday.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, people getting lit on a Monday morning. For one day, everyone gets to feel what it’s like to be a pilot for Southwest.” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      All Signs Point to Democrats Being Hopeless, Michael Kosta Says

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      During President Trump’s speech, Democrats held “little paddles as if they were ready to give Mike Johnson a naughty little spanking,” the “Daily Show” host said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Audience ParticipationPresident Trump’s 99-minute address to Congress was still providing fodder for late-night hosts on Wednesday. Michael Kosta was unimpressed with how Democratic lawmakers chose to express their opposition.On “The Daily Show,” Kosta said the speech was “a theatrical production where everybody has a role, and they slip right into it.”“Democrats showed up in full wardrobe, dressed in pink as a symbolic protest against people who wanted them to do something meaningful.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“They came with props, too, holding up little paddles like they were ready to give Mike Johnson a naughty little spanking, huh? Either that or a pickleball match.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Trump was confused by the paddles. He was, like, ‘We’re not auctioning off Greenland until later.” — JIMMY FALLON“What turned out to be an amazing night for America coincided with the worst night for Democrats since Republicans canceled slavery.” — GREG GUTFELD“Luckily, Democrats stood up to him the only way they know how: by writing about it later in their diaries.” — TAYLOR TOMLINSON”I really love that while Trump was saying the wildest [expletive] on earth, Democrats just sat there with their little paddles. Like, you really shouldn’t stand up to fascism the same way that we play ‘Is It Cake?’” — TAYLOR TOMLINSON“It was the longest presidential address in more than 60 years. Why is it that the orchestra can play off an Oscar winner but not the president?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump’s speech went on so long — his speech was 10 minutes longer than ‘The Lion King.’” And had twice as much lyin’ in it. — JIMMY KIMMEL“Stayed up late last night for a live show following Donald Trump’s address to Congress, which set the record for the longest address to a joint session of Congress ever. Felt longer.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I mean, so long you couldn’t bring in DOGE to make any cuts?” — SETH MEYERS“His speech was so long, Adrien Brody played him off.” — SETH MEYERSWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More