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    Jimmy Kimmel Calls Trump an ‘Arsonist With a Hose’

    The L.A.-based host said the city’s problem was the president, not the protests: “We have more so-called ‘unrest’ here when one of our teams wins a championship.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fake NewsOn Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel, who’s based in Los Angeles, mocked the idea that protests against immigration raids have turned the city into “some kind of totalitarian hellscape” — a notion pushed by President Trump (and some cable news outlets) as he sent in Marines and the National Guard.“He wants there to be a war going on here, and he doesn’t care who gets hurt in it. There’s no riot outside. We have more so-called ‘unrest’ here when one of our teams wins a championship.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Not only is it not an apocalypse, they’re having a Disney Pixar movie premiere right now, for ‘Elio,’ a movie about aliens. Don’t tell Trump, he’ll send the Green Berets in, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, when we had the wildfires that devastated big chunks of our city, he did absolutely nothing. Now that we’re in the middle of a nonemergency: ‘Send in the National Guard!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Putting out a fire you purposely start doesn’t make you a firefighter, it makes you an arsonist with a hose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yes, nothing calms down a situation like a military invasion.” — DESI LYDIC“You know, I’m beginning to wonder if Trump is intentionally trying to escalate this situation because more chaos allows him to portray blue states as centers of crime, while positioning himself as the strongman that the country needs to rally around. No, that’s silly. I’m sure he’s just doing what’s best for everyone.” — DESI LYDIC“Now, as we speak, Trump has sent thousands of troops into downtown L.A. to quell what historians will remember as the Battle of That Video of a Burning Waymo Car They Kept Showing on Cable News.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And to those of you in the National Guard who have been thrust into this: When Donald Trump orders you to do something that you know is immoral, try to get your dad’s podiatrist to write a note to say you have bone spurs.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The president of the United States has been tougher on L.A. than on Russia. Remember that two-week deadline he gave Putin to sit down for peace talks with Ukraine? As of tomorrow, it’s two weeks. But, by all means, send the Marines to The Grove.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump’s terrible policy has generated a huge backlash, which he’s responded to by overreacting, which is going to generate another backlash. We don’t know how this is going to end, but at least we know it’ll be a huge waste of money.” — DESI LYDIC“I just want to say, thank God for President Trump and the heroes at ICE for protecting us from these bloodthirsty fruit stand vendors, spreading their dangerous pineapple chunks and mangos with a squirt of lime all over the city.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Meanwhile on Fox News Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    Late Night Mines Laughs From Trump’s Biden Replacement Theory

    “You’re saying that the Joe Biden who doesn’t even know where he is, is actually an incredibly advanced cloned robot? How much ketamine are you on?” Jon Stewart asked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Joe-boCop?On Saturday night, President Trump amplified a conspiracy theory on social media about former President Joe Biden that posited falsely that the former president had been replaced by a robot clone. While mindful to note that this was likely meant “to distract us,” as Jon Stewart said on “The Daily Show,” late night hosts couldn’t help but tackle the topic like the sci-fi movie it needs to be — with incredulity.“You’re saying that the Joe Biden who doesn’t even know where he is, is actually an incredibly advanced cloned robot? How much ketamine are you on?” — JON STEWART“You can’t be a robot and a clone, OK?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“How is this not on the front page of everything? The president of the United States is spreading deranged stories about his predecessor being a robot.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was a perfect plan with only one flaw: The Joe Bot couldn’t recognize George Clooney.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Hey, Republicans. Remember when you were very concerned Joe might not have the mental acuity to be president? Come get your guy, because he thinks Biden was executed and replaced by a clone, a ‘robotic clone.’ I mean, if your dad was saying stuff like this, you’d start looking for an assisted-living facility.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The media needs to stop being polite when they report this stuff. This is the headline from NBC: ‘Trump Shares Unfounded Conspiracy Theory Claiming Biden Was “Executed” in 2020.’ Never mind ‘unfounded,’ this is not even a theory. That headline should be ‘Convicted Felon Posts Insane Fairy Tale About Cancer Patient While Constipated on Toilet.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And, by the way, whoever built that Joe Biden robot is very bad at building robots. I mean, if anyone was replaced by a robotic clone, it’s Melania, right?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Side Effects Edition)“Trump was effusive in his praise for Musk. He thanked him for working ‘tirelessly.’ Well, yeah, of course he was working tirelessly. They say he was gobbling down 20 different kinds of uppers every day when he was there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Over the weekend, The New York Times published a crazy story about Elon Musk, claiming, among other things, that he was taking ecstasy, psychedelic mushrooms, pills believed to be Adderall, and so much ketamine it was affecting his bladder control, which is a delightful detail. Between him and Trump, that Oval Office has got to smell like an abandoned nursing home.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    Late Night Thinks Trump’s ‘White Genocide’ Video Was a Bit Much

    “The guy who couldn’t find South Africa on a map of Africa” subjected its leader to an extremely dubious video about his own country, Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lie, the Beloved CountryOn Wednesday, President Trump lectured the visiting president of South Africa, claiming that genocide was being carried out against white farmers in his country (and subjecting him to a dubious video on that subject). In turn, Trump got a lecture from late-night hosts, who dismantled his false claims.“There’s a right-wing conspiracy theory bubbling right now that says they’re killing all the white people in South Africa,” Jimmy Kimmel explained on Wednesday night. “Trump apparently has seen this online, so he brings the president in, he turns the lights down and makes him sit through a multimedia presentation about his own country titled ‘White Genocide.’”“I mean, seriously, does anyone at the White House — does anyone around him ever say, ‘Oh, Mr. President, this one is wrong, this is not real, this one makes you look demented and dumb’? Nobody does.” — JIMMY KIMMELOn “The Daily Show,” Ronny Chieng said Trump had turned the White House meeting “into a murder podcast.”“Trump is convinced that there is white genocide going on in South Africa, which of course means there is no white genocide happening in South Africa. It’s not even mathematically possible. I mean, you’ll never run out of white South Africans when one of them is making 5,000 kids a week.” — RONNY CHIENG, referring to Elon Musk“But still, Trump thinks there is one, and you know he cares about it because he said ‘white genocide.’ It’s like someone told him, ‘Hey, it’s not just a genocide, it’s a white genocide. You know, the bad kind.’” — RONNY CHIENG“During the meeting, this is real, things got pretty heated, and the president of South Africa actually said, ‘I’m sorry I don’t have a plane to give you.’ And then, to mess with Trump even more, he gave him tickets to see a Springsteen concert in New Jersey.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump asked some tough questions, like, ‘How did you get rid of Elon? I’ll tell you what I did. How did you do it?’ — JIMMY FALLON“If you really want to impress Trump, you should have given him one of your golf courses. Then Trump would be like, ‘Hell, yeah! Sorry, white South Africans, if that’s even a real thing. Thoughts and prayers.’” — RONNY CHIENGThe Punchiest Punchlines (Golden Dome Edition)“President Trump has unveiled plans for a ‘Golden Dome’ missile defense shield that could cost tens of billions. Here is a schematic of what the golden dome would look like. The best part about the defense shield? He says the Klingons will pay for it.” — GREG GUTFELD“We’re fine. Gold doesn’t melt. It’s the strongest metal on earth.” — GRACE KUHLENSCHMIDT of “The Daily Show”“Yes, gold. Because when I think impenetrable, I think of stuff that pirates can bend with their teeth.” — STEPHEN COLBERTWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    Kimmel Mocks Pete Hegseth’s Rumored Pentagon Makeup Studio

    “Nothing sparks fear in the hearts of our enemies like a defense secretary who puts foundation on his face,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.All Dolled UpPete Hegseth denied reports this week that he requested a makeup studio built at the Pentagon to prepare for television interviews.On Thursday, Jimmy Kimmel said Americans wouldn’t even recognize the former secretary of defense, as opposed to Hegseth, who “is on TV now more than Ryan Seacrest.”“This is Lloyd Austin, he is a four-star general. He was the previous secretary of defense. You ever seen him before? No. You know why? He was inside the Pentagon doing his job — he was not on TV.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He has strongly denied this. He called it a ‘totally fake story,’ and a Defense Department official added that — he said it makes no sense because Pete does his own makeup, which is more embarrassing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I don’t know why he would be ashamed of this. A lot of warriors wear makeup. You ever see Mel Gibson in ‘Braveheart’? He’s got it all over.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Nothing sparks fear in the hearts of our enemies like a defense secretary who puts foundation on his face and a big palm full of Suavecito Pomade in his hair every day. It’s the warrior ethos.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The defense secretary has a makeup room, the vice president wears eyeliner, and yet somehow this administration spends all day, every day complaining about trans women ruining sports.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Take Your Kid to Work Day Edition)“So today was Take Your Kids to Work Day, which I admit I misunderstood — I didn’t know it had to be my kid.” — GREG GUTFELD“It is a day that got started in 1992 as a way for children to learn why their parents are so depressed all the time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It used to be Take Your Daughter to Work Day — remember that? — and it encouraged women in the workplace. Then over time it changed to Take Your Son or Daughter to Work. The rule is you have to pay your son 22 percent more than the daughter.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At the White House this morning, Elon Musk brought a few of his kids to work — not all of them. He brought him to meet President Trump. See, that’s what happens when you get them wet — they multiply.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe singer Jelly Roll discussed his 200-pound weight loss on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutA young Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong, as seen in “Cheech and Chong’s Last Movie.”Ed Caraeff/Keep Smokin’David Bushell’s new documentary, “Cheech and Chong’s Last Movie,” celebrates its stars’ enduring friendship, on-screen and off. More

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    Jimmy Kimmel Skewers Elon Musk’s Plan to ‘Get Out of DOGE’

    “Musk says that he will dial back his work with the government so that he can spend more time with all 10 of his families,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Getting out of DOGEOn Tuesday, Elon Musk said he would soon spend less time in Washington and focus on running Tesla.Jimmy Kimmel called Musk “Mr. Congeniality” on Wednesday, saying the mogul “wants to get out of DOGE.”“Musk says he will dial back his work with the government so that he can spend more time with all 10 of his families.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“People forget, Elon — he can’t spend all his time in Washington. He has a company to run into the ground.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In the first three months of this year, Tesla’s profits have fallen 71 percent. Which I guess is what happens when your CEO turns into white Kanye before your eyes.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m really not sure going back to Tesla is going to help anything at all. The reason Tesla is tanking is because people hate him and they don’t want to buy his stuff. Him being back is not going to make it better.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pope Jokes Edition)“Even though they have their differences, Donald Trump said he will attend the funeral of Pope Francis. And, out of respect, he will delay slapping tariffs on communion wafers.” — GREG GUTFELD“President Trump plans on eulogizing the pope by saying, ‘He was a great pope except for the times he was a sucker and a loser.’” — GREG GUTFELDThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Ayo Edebiri read her Letterboxd review of “Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney” during the show on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJelly Roll will join Brandon Lake for a performance of “Hard Fought Hallelujah” on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutMaggie & Terre Roche, sisters from Park Ridge, N.J., released their album “Seductive Reasoning” 50 years ago this month.Columbia RecordsTurning 50 this month, Maggie & Terre Roche’s little-known 1975 album “Seductive Reasoning” is a forgotten revelation. More

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    Kimmel Likens the Selection of a New Pope to ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’

    The late night host also described the papal conclave as determining “who will be handed the keys to the popemobile” on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Shantay, You StayWith Pope Francis’ funeral on Saturday, the selection of his successor will quickly follow.On Tuesday, Jimmy Kimmel discussed the traditional process of determining “who will be handed the keys to the popemobile.”“Over the next few weeks, 135 flamboyantly dressed cardinals will gather to pass judgment on a series of aspiring candidates. In a lot of ways, it’s the Catholic version of ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And nobody’s going to be more insufferable this week than your friend who saw the movie ‘Conclave’ and now knows everything about how it works.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The Vatican has published images of the pope laying in an open casket. A surprise, Jill Biden said, ‘I’d hit that.’” — GREG GUTFELD“The funeral will be held Saturday for people who want to see something less depressing than ‘S.N.L.’” — GREG GUTFELD“We won’t know for at least a couple of weeks who will succeed Pope Francis, but this guy, to me, this is the guy at the top of my list. One of the candidates is an Italian cardinal stationed in Jerusalem. His name is Pierbattista Pizzaballa. ‘For a limited time only at Papa John’s, the Pizzaballa!’ How much fun would that be? In fact, if you don’t mind, I’d like to take a minute to pray. Please bow your heads.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Earth Day Edition)“Today, of course, is Earth Day. Nancy Pelosi said, ‘I remember the first one, 7 billion years ago.’” — GREG GUTFELD“Think about this: One planet produced dinosaurs and the iPhone and Fig Newtons and Kid Rock. Isn’t that something?” — JIMMY KIMMEL”The Environmental Protection Agency did their part to honor our planet today, with a round of reassignments and mass layoffs. I can’t help but wonder how different things might be if Donald Trump’s father had taken him camping even one time.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingIn his Tuesday monologue, Greg Gutfeld targeted the city of San Francisco while discussing dark woke.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night“The Bear” star Ayo Edebiri will appear on Wednesday’s “Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney.”Also, Check This OutA first-edition copy of “The Great Gatsby” at Princeton University. In honor of the book’s 100th anniversary, the university has mounted the exhibit “Living Forever: The Archive of The Great Gatsby,” which runs through November. Karsten Moran for The New York Times“The Great Gatsby” will celebrate its 100th anniversary with special exhibitions in New York, Minnesota, New Jersey and South Carolina. More

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    Jimmy Kimmel Praises Pope Francis for Going Out With a Mic Drop

    “Is there anything more Catholic than waiting until Monday to die so you don’t upstage Jesus Christ?” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Pope Version of a Mic Drop’Pope Francis died on Monday, just one day after meeting with Vice President JD Vance at the Vatican on Easter Sunday and leading Mass in St. Peter’s Square.“Is there anything more Catholic than waiting until Monday to die so you don’t upstage Jesus Christ?” Jimmy Kimmel said.“I mean, I don’t think there is. It’s the Pope version of a mic drop, really.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, man, what a way to go, huh? I mean, ‘Holy Father, do you have any last wishes?’ ‘Well, not this. Not this. Not a meet and greet with Vice President Maybelline, no thank you.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Shortly after his visit, Vance tweeted, ‘Today I met with the Holy Father Pope Francis. I am grateful for his invitation to meet, and I pray for his good health. Happy Easter!’ So now we know JD Vance is bad at praying, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Then Trump announced that he will be attending the Pope’s funeral. He said they’re ‘looking forward to being there!’ like he got tickets to Coachella or something. What are the chances Trump declares himself Pope? They’re not zero.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Easter Messaging Edition)“On Easter Sunday, President Trump wrote, ‘Happy Easter to all, including the radical left lunatics bringing murderers, drug lords, dangerous prisoners, the mentally insane, and MS-13 gang members and wife beaters back into our country.’ He then deported the Easter Bunny to El Salvador.” — GREG GUTFELD“We have a president who addresses the nation like the Zodiac Killer on Easter Sunday.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, my gosh, my favorite holiday on the Christian calendar: the day when we celebrate Jesus being resurrected from the dead. Or, as Elon Musk sees it, an elaborate scheme to defraud Social Security.” — BILL MAHER“Trump is honoring the day by locking up guys named Jesus, and he pardoned Pontius Pilate.” — BILL MAHER“We see Melania and the Easter Bunny on the same schedule — once a year at this time.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian George Wallace and the political commentator Alyssa Farah Griffin weighed in on Bernie Sanders’s surprise appearance at Coachella on Saturday’s “Have I Got News For You.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightRepresentative Jasmine Crockett will appear on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutSome of the biggest names in American culture have skated, danced or nervously shimmied their way down this corridor.Bethany Mollenkof for The New York Times“The Jennifer Hudson Show” has taken over TikTok with its “spirit tunnel” video clips. More

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    Late Night Revels in Harvard’s Rejection of Trump’s Demand

    “I don’t usually root for Harvard, because they’re Harvard. They’ve got everything. It’s like rooting for Jeff Bezos to win the lottery,” Ronny Chieng said on “The Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.What, Like It’s Hard?On Monday, the Trump administration announced it would freeze $2.2 billion in multiyear grants to Harvard after the private university refused to implement requested changes to its hiring, admissions and curriculum.Ronny Chieng adopted a Boston accent on Tuesday’s “Daily Show” to express that Harvard was fighting back “wicked hard.”“We finally found a force more powerful than Trump’s hatred: Harvard’s love of sending rejection letters.” — RONNY CHIENG“Hey, Trump administration, now you’re just like the rest of us because you just got rejected by Harvard.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And who better to determine what colleges should and should not be doing than the man who had to shell out $25 million in penalties for running a fraudulent university he named after himself?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“My money’s on Harvard. I grew up in the ’80s — I’ve seen ‘Revenge of the Nerds.’ I know who wins these things.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But, look, I don’t usually root for Harvard, because they’re Harvard. They’ve got everything. It’s like rooting for Jeff Bezos to win the lottery.” — RONNY CHIENG“The only thing I’ll say in Donald Trump’s defense is that Matt Damon went to Harvard, so they obviously don’t care too much about merit.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tax Day Edition)“So today’s Tax Day or, as Hunter Biden calls it, any other day of the week.” — GREG GUTFELD“If you’re watching this live, you have 20-ish minutes to get your taxes in before the deadline. And if you’re an IRS worker, you have recently been fired. I’m sorry about that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Folks, as I mentioned before, it’s Tax Day or, as billionaires call it, ‘What?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Does anyone even work at the IRS anymore? Do we even have to? Our IRS office downtown — they turned it into a Spirit Halloween store.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actor Finn Wolfhard reflected with Colbert on 10 years of filming “Stranger Things” ahead of the Netflix show’s final season, on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightNo stranger to late night, David Letterman will appear on Wednesday’s “Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney.”Also, Check This OutThe bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City, on April 19, 1995, remains the deadliest domestic terror attack in U.S. history.Jim Argo/USA Today NetworkThe National Geographic docuseries “Oklahoma City Bombing: One Day in America” recounts the experiences of individuals affected by the attack on the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building 30 years ago. More