Gutfeld, Greg

Subterms

    More stories

    • 125 Shares109 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Chides Biden for Keeping His Cool With Trump

      by

      “I’m not saying booby-trap the place, but you don’t have to be overly helpful,” Seth Meyers said after the president welcomed Donald Trump to the White House.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Smooth OperatorsOn Wednesday, President Biden hosted President-elect Donald J. Trump at the White House, where they exchanged pleasantries and promised a “smooth transition.”Seth Meyers called Biden’s accommodation “just a little confusing.”“You correctly called him a criminal fascist and threat to democracy. I’m not saying booby-trap the place, but you don’t have to be overly helpful. I mean, how are you going to accommodate him anyway — upgrade all the toilets so they can handle more classified documents?” — SETH MEYERS“Trump said they had a ‘really good’ meeting. He said that Biden was ‘gracious’ and that they ‘really enjoyed seeing each other.’ Last week, Joe Biden was an evil force who weaponized the justice system to put Trump in prison for the rest of his life; today, they had fun.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Joe complimented Trump on overcoming many obstacles that he has also faced, like stairs.” — GREG GUTFELD“Now that’s a man who appreciates a smooth transition of power, as long as it’s transitioning toward him. If it’s transitioning away from him, there’s going to be some Jan. 6-ing, but if it’s toward him, smooth.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“I mean, they did both try to hang Mike Pence, just out of tradition, but other than that, it was very cordial.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Punchiest Punchlines (New Low Edition)“During the campaign, I thought if Trump won, he would do the worst things I could imagine. Turns out, I don’t have much of an imagination.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Matt Gaetz as attorney general — this is a new low. I mean, not as low as our age-of-consent laws are about to be, but pretty low.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Quick question: the Department of Justice isn’t within 100 feet of a school, is it?” — JORDAN KLEPPERWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

    • 75 Shares159 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Processes Donald Trump’s Re-Election

      by

      “Trump returning to the White House is a huge historic comeback for someone who literally never went away,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Infernal FlameLate-night hosts spent Wednesday processing the 2024 election results and former President Donald Trump’s sweeping win.On “The Daily Show,” Desi Lydic lamented that “instead of breaking the glass ceiling, last night America decided to get back with her dirtbag ex.”“Yep, it’s official. America elected its first criminal president before electing its first female president. What a day for proud felonists.” — DESI LYDIC“We’ve had two qualified, accomplished women nominated for president, and both times they lost to the worst man in the whole country.” — DESI LYDIC“Yup, Trump could be the first president to be under White House arrest.” — JIMMY FALLON“All day yesterday, I was walking around proudly wearing my ‘I voted’ sticker. Today, I wore my ‘I am questioning my fundamental belief in the goodness of humanity’ sticker.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, as a late-night host, people often say to me, ‘Come on, part of you has got to want Trump to win because he gives you so much material to work with.’ No, no. No one tells the guy who cleans the bathroom, ‘Wow, you must love it when someone has explosive diarrhea — there’s so much material for you to work with!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I guess this election wasn’t rigged. That’s weird, though, right? I mean, he said it would be rigged. He said it was being rigged while people were in line voting. Isn’t it remarkable that this time, the fix wasn’t in? Last time, the Democrats cheated. This time, we chose not to, I guess.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump is like the emperor from ‘Star Wars.’ He’s old, he’s evil and he keeps coming back with no reasonable explanation whatsoever.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Four More Years Edition)“Let me tell you, that was the worst Taco Tuesday of my whole life.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump returning to the White House is a huge historic comeback for someone who literally never went away.” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

    • 88 Shares179 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Addresses Your Election Eve Anxiety

      by

      “It feels like the whole country is waiting to get the results of a biopsy,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Performance AnxietyThe late-night hosts seem to be as anxious about the election as you are.“It feels like the whole country is waiting to get the results of a biopsy,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday.“These polls — they’re mood rings. That’s all they are. They bring you up, they bring you down. Poll is short for ‘bipolar.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Tomorrow is Election Day and ‘Late Night’ is officially endorsing Xanax 0.5 milligram, twice a day as needed.” — SETH MEYERSOn “Real Time” on Friday, Bill Maher made one last appeal to undecided voters, or as he called them, “the Christmas Eve shoppers of politics — they know the big day is coming, but they just can’t get themselves to do anything about it until the last minute.”“The phrase I hear so much that makes me just want to un-alive myself is, ‘How’s she going to help me?’ Like the president is your personal genie. It’s Kamala, not ‘Kazam.’” — BILL MAHER“And so, dear Christmas Eve voter, I say to you: Things aren’t that bad, but they might get a hell of a lot worse under the rule of a mad king. Do I love everything about Kamala? No. Who told you you get to love everything? Do I wish she came up with a better reason to be president than ‘I’m not Trump’? Yeah, it would have been very helpful. But let’s not forget, ‘I’m not Trump’ is still a really great reason.” — BILL MAHER“But things look so good for Trump, Democrats have already impeached him.” — GREG GUTFELD“The Harris campaign is cautioning against getting too excited. Too late! I have to be excited because I’ve only got two other choices: absolute terror or Absolut vodka.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If you see someone in the fetal position drenched in sweat, they either just ran the New York City Marathon or they’re waiting for tomorrow’s election.” — JIMMY FALLON“Look, I love this country. I’m an immigrant — I chose to be here. In the words of the late Lee Greenwood, I’m proud to be an American. And I’d argue there is nothing more American than having a healthy adversarial relationship with those in power, even if you voted for them.” — JOHN OLIVERWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

    • 88 Shares169 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Condemns Trump for Stanning Hitler

      by

      On Wednesday, Seth Meyers said he was “starting to think Trump doesn’t watch the ends of documentaries.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Mein Bad’Donald Trump’s longest-serving chief of staff, John Kelly, said the former president had said more than once while in office that Adolf Hitler “did some good things.”On Wednesday, Seth Meyers said he was “starting to think Trump doesn’t watch the ends of documentaries.”“Once you have to explain to someone that Hitler is bad, there’s not much else to talk about. You don’t see many first dates survive that.” — SETH MEYERS“Seriously, Trump, Hitler never did anything good. He even sucked at waving. Like, dude, God gave you elbows — use them.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I don’t even think you have to know history. You can probably get all the info you need from Mel Brooks movies and Bugs Bunny cartoons.” — SETH MEYERS“This is the first election where reporters have to ask, ‘Who’d you root for when you watched ‘Saving Private Ryan’?” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump made it worse today when he said, ‘Oops, mein bad.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Lose Yourself Edition)“At a campaign event in Detroit, Eminem introduced Barack Obama. Which makes sense, they both made a career out of pretending to be Black.” — GREG GUTFELD“You know, somewhere, Trump is yelling at his aides: [imitating Trump] ‘How could M&Ms betray me? I don’t understand. Is there no loyalty?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But it’s nice to see Obama pay homage to Eminem because it means that Black people have finally accepted that Eminem is the greatest rapper of all time. And look — no, stop — I know how it feels. I went through it every time Tiger Woods won a golf tournament, OK?” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Was that song Osama bin Laden? Because Obama killed it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I will say, maybe Obama should skip that line about ‘dropping bombs,’ you know? Are you still rapping, or are you doing a drone strike?” — MICHAEL KOSTAThe Bits Worth WatchingMembers of the New York Liberty joined Jimmy Fallon for a team selfie celebrating their WNBA championship on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJulia Louis-Dreyfus will take “The Colbert Questionert” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe gang’s all here for the sixth and final season of “What We Do in the Shadows.”Russ Martin/FXThe vampire comedy series “What We Do in the Shadows” returned for its sixth and final season on FX and Hulu this week. More