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      Late Night Is Still Reeling Over the Government’s ‘War by Emoji’

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      “Signal might be a good app for you and me and our local drug dealer, but it’s not for the Pentagon to plan wars on,” Ronny Chieng said on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Snapchat’s NextThe late-night buzz on Tuesday was still about the Signal chat group in which Trump administration officials discussed an imminent strike on Houthi militants in Yemen, unaware that one of them had mistakenly added the editor of The Atlantic, Jeffrey Goldberg, to the group.The “Daily Show” host Ronny Chieng said it was proof that not everything that goes wrong is President Trump’s fault — “he has a whole administration that can [expletive] up for him.”“Is anyone else kind of upset that we’re conducting war by emoji now?” — RONNY CHIENG“I know we shouldn’t enjoy the fact that we have a confederacy of dunces running this country, but I’ll be honest, I can’t help it — I’m enjoying it right now. This week, in the race between dumb and evil, dumb’s in the lead.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At first, Goldberg was concerned that it might be a hoax. But he got a hint it might be real when he was added to a text chain called ‘Houthi PC small group.’ Turns out it was real and that ‘Houthi’ is short for ‘Houthis idiots running our government?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And they should’ve known someone from The Atlantic was there, because after 10 messages, Goldberg chimed in to say: ‘You’ve reached your free article limit. Please log in to continue.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And by the way, it wasn’t even Pete Hegseth who added him, it was some other incompetent guy at the highest levels of government, OK? Like, what, you think Hegseth has the editor of The Atlantic magazine saved in his phone? No way, all right? If Hegseth auto-filled a contact into a group chat, it would be like, ‘Tampa Bay Blonde With Bugs Bunny Tattoo.’” — RONNY CHIENG“Apparently, the reporter was mistakenly added to the group chat by Trump’s national security adviser. This adviser can’t catch a break. Today, he sat down and butt-dialed the nuclear codes to North Korea.” — JIMMY FALLON“And even if they didn’t accidentally add a journalist into this group chat, they weren’t supposed to be talking about this stuff on Signal in the first place, OK? Signal might be a good app for you and me and our local drug dealer, but it’s not for the Pentagon to plan wars on.” — RONNY CHIENG“Today Trump said it’ll never happen again, and from now on they’ll only talk about war plans over Snapchat.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Meat Loaf Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jon Stewart Thinks He May Be in the ‘Bomb Yemen’ Chat Group

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      The “Daily Show” host suspects that he, too, might have been invited to a discussion of secret war plans by a bumbling official in the Trump administration.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Invite OnlyTop officials in the Trump administration discussed secret plans to bomb Yemen on Signal, unaware that one of them had mistakenly added a journalist to the chat group.On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Jon Stewart applauded the administration for “once again carrying out its plans with competence and professionalism.”“You know, back in my day, if you were a journalist who wanted leaked war documents, you had to work the sources: meet them in a dark garage, earn their trust, pound the pavement. Now? You just wait for the national security adviser to be distracted by ‘White Lotus’ while he’s setting up his ‘Bomb Yemen’ group chat.” — JON STEWART“By the way, I might be in this group chat, I don’t know. I don’t check my group chats.” — JON STEWART“This is not helping Pete Hegseth’s reputation as a guy who is always drunk. I mean, this is a drunk guy mistake. This is the national security equivalent of airdropping a [expletive] pic to everyone in the office.” — TAYLOR TOMLINSON“I thought top-secret war meetings were held in a vault on top of a mountain. I didn’t know we were just droppin’ ’em in the chat. Turns out Hegseth was planning wars like a mom in a busy grocery store talking on speakerphone.” — TAYLOR TOMLINSON“Worst of all, now that journalist knows they’re all hanging out at Buffalo Wild Wings tonight, and they can’t uninvite him or it would be so awkward.” — TAYLOR TOMLINSON“He thought it was disinformation. Turned out it was just a bunch of fools, because the strikes started happening exactly as described in the texts. In other words, our national security is being guarded by a bunch of doofs you wouldn’t trust to throw your cousin a surprise party.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“No one on the chain thought to ask, ‘Who is JG? What are these initials?’ For all — they could have been leaking secrets to Jeff Goldblum, for all they know.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Skin-Colored Skin Edition)“Donald Trump truly is focused on the issues that matter most — to him, specifically.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yesterday, he posted — this is real — ‘Nobody likes a bad picture or painting of themselves, but the one in Colorado, in the State Capitol, put up by the governor, was purposefully distorted to a level that even I, perhaps, have never seen before.’ He doesn’t like this painting of him that they hung in the State Capitol building in Colorado. This is the portrait. I have to be honest: I agree with him on this one. It’s not a very good likeness. I mean, look how inaccurate the skin color is. His skin is the color of skin.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Gives Trump’s Education Agency Shutdown a Failing Grade

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      “Trump famously said he loves the poorly educated, and now he will have so many more people to love,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.This Wasn’t on the SyllabusOn Thursday, President Trump signed an executive order gutting the Department of Education.“They say ignorance is bliss,” Jimmy Kimmel remarked during that night’s monologue.“I know it sounds like a joke, but it’s not. Trump famously said he loves the poorly educated, and now he will have so many more people to love.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump signed the order during an event at the White House they invited a group of children to attend. They’re like ‘Hey, kids, who hates school?’ And they’re like ‘Well, we do!’ and they said, ‘Well, good news, it’s over.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The idea behind this is to let the states come up with their own educational standards. For instance, from here on, in order to receive a high school diploma in Florida, all you have to do is complete the maze on the back of the kids’ menu at Fuddruckers.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Today, President Trump signed an executive order to shut down the Department of Education. It’s a historic move that years from now kids will not read about in history textbooks.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Trump signed an order today to dismantle the Department of Education. Yep. Soon employees will be reading their pink slips at a third-grade level.” — GREG GUTFELD“Meanwhile, one angry ex-employee claims it was the worst thing to happen since Nazis won the Civil War.” — GREG GUTFELDThe Punchiest Punchlines (D.E.I. Takedown Edition)“Yesterday, the Department of Defense, as part of their war against woke, removed a page about Jackie Robinson’s distinguished military career. They pulled it down. A spokesperson for the Pentagon said, ‘We do not view or highlight them’ — not sure what he means by them, but — ‘through the prism of immutable characteristics such as race, ethnicity or sex.’ Right, Jackie Robinson was just a baseball player; nothing special about him. Rosa Parks just loved to ride the bus. She was a commuter.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Imagine how racist you have to be to be racist against Jackie Robinson today.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Don’t blame us — blame our racist software. We should have never used ChatKKK. Classic mistake.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“I don’t get it: How can something like this happen under the president who’s done more for Black people than Abraham Lincoln?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingBob Mould performed his new single on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutFlannery O’Connor’s caricature of an aristocratic couple. The darkly comic Southern writer Flannery O’Connor was (quietly) a visual artist, too. A new exhibition in Georgia showcases 70 of her pieces. More

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      Late Night Tackles the Attacks on Tesla

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      Jordan Klepper said no one should be blowing up Elon Musk’s cars, “especially because if you just wait a few minutes, they’ll probably do it by themselves.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Where There’s SmokeIn recent weeks, Tesla has been targeted by vandals, who have set the company’s cars on fire and defaced dealership storefronts with messages criticizing Elon Musk, its owner. On Wednesday’s “Daily Show,” Jordan Klepper said no one should be blowing up Teslas — “especially because if you just wait a few minutes, they’ll probably do it by themselves.”On Fox News this week, Musk spoke with Sean Hannity and, Klepper said, “made the case for his victimhood.”“I shouldn’t have to explain this to Elon, but it’s not about the Teslas. Teslas are actually pretty cool as a car. It’s got that all-glass thing going on, kind of like a popemobile that [expletive]. It’s got door handles that are hard to find, which is what everybody wants in a door handle. Everything in the car is electronic, so if it malfunctions, you just drown in it, you know? It’s like a free coffin. It’s cool!” — JORDAN KLEPPER“I don’t think people, though, are mad at you because of the Teslas, Elon. If I were to hazard a guess about why they’d be mad, it might be because, in the last several weeks, you fired tens of thousands of federal workers, you made cuts to veterans’ care, lifesaving foreign aid and food banks.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Or, here — here’s another guess: Maybe people are mad at you because you don’t seem to know what the [expletive] you’re doing!” — JORDAN KLEPPER“And here’s the thing: I get that people are upset. Burning a car might not be great for the environment. I don’t think that’s what they had in mind when they invented the electric car.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Let me see if I can explain it for you: When you pull out a chain saw to celebrate firing thousands of people, they get mad.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (J.F.K. Files Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Parodies Trump’s Podcast-Length Call with Putin

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      The “Tonight Show” host said President Trump had spent most of the call “trying to sell Putin a Cybertruck.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.To and From Russia With LovePresident Trump and Vladimir Putin had a nearly three-hour phone conversation on Tuesday, during which Putin said he’d agree to a partial cease-fire in Russia’s war against Ukraine.On “The Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon said that Trump spent most of the call “trying to sell Putin a Cybertruck.””[imitating Trump] Think of it as a mini-tank with a mind of its own.” — JIMMY FALLON“Three hours. That’s not a phone call, that’s a podcast: [imitating Putin] ‘And now a message from ZipRecruiter.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Putting Trump on the phone with Putin is like putting your grandma on the phone with a Nigerian prince. [imitating grandmother] ‘This fellow is so charming!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Putin agreed to nothing today. People keep asking if Trump is getting played by Putin, which is like asking if ‘Hava Nagila’ is getting played at a bar mitzvah.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But both sides said the call went well, which makes sense, because they’re both on the same side.” — JIMMY FALLON“And, yeah, Russia actually described the call as ‘historic and epic.’ And nothing makes me feel safe like a happy Russia.” — JIMMY FALLON“But the White House said Putin agreed to a partial cease-fire. At least they think he did — it was tough to hear on the phone with Elon’s kids playing tag in the background.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Nine Months Later Edition)“Here’s some good news: Today, the Boeing astronauts who were stranded at the International Space Station for nine months finally returned to Earth. Welcome! Right now, they’re the first people in history to honestly text someone, ‘Sorry, just saw this.’”— JIMMY FALLON“Today, the astronauts were, like, ‘I just want to get home, watch “Joker 2,” make a three-egg omelet and dip my toes in the Gulf of Mexico. I can’t wait.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Wait till they find out what’s been going on down here — they might go back up.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Takes Shots at Trump’s Liquor Tariff Threat

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      Jimmy Kimmel pointed to the irony of President Trump “making it very expensive to get drunk. He’s the reason we need to get drunk!”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Sobering ThoughtsOn Thursday, President Trump threatened to impose a 200 percent tariff on wine, champagne and spirits imported from Europe.Jimmy Kimmel pointed to the irony of Trump “making it very expensive to get drunk. He’s the reason we need to get drunk!”“Yeah, a 200 percent tariff on champagne and wine. Americans heard and were, like, ‘You can do whatever you want with wine; just don’t mess with our gummies.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s a lot — almost enough to make you feel bad for people who buy champagne and wine.” — JIMMY FALLON“People buying champagne and wine were, like, ‘What’s next, caviar and truffles?’” — JIMMY FALLON“The E.U. said, ‘Oh, yeah? We’re going to put a 50 percent tariff on boats, bourbon and motorbikes from the United States,’ which is interesting because boats, bourbon and motorbikes — they’re specifically targeting Kid Rock for some reason.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That is going to make it so much harder for European men to have a midlife crisis. You can’t outrun your mortality on a Vespa!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Trump’s playing a dangerous game. Nobody wants to attend a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and cheese party, you know what I’m saying?” — JIMMY FALLON“So get ready to toast the next New Year’s with America’s finest sparkling beverage, Champagne Code Red.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Wheels Off Edition)“Tesla owners are facing backlash everywhere they go. Recently, somebody stole the wheels from every single Tesla in a Texas parking lot. Whoever did it, I do not condone this, but I do appreciate your ‘tire-less’ efforts.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, I want to be clear: I do not condone violence or vandalism of any kind. That is a deeply held belief of mine that comes from the bottom of my CBS legal department.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“With that in mind, I find it interesting that there’s a growing trend of Cybertrucks being vandalized and used as skate ramps or covered in garbage. To be fair, that might not be vandalism; that might just be a simple mistake, because they do look a lot like a dumpster.” — STEPHEN COLBERTWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      John Mulaney Says His New Show Is Netflix’s Mistake

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      The comedian said Netflix “picked up this show by accident. They thought that it was a true-crime documentary because I look like a disappeared boy.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Live From L.A. (Again)Netflix launched its new late-night show, “Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney,” on Wednesday. In his monologue, Mulaney promised 12 episodes of a “jazzlike, unpredictable talk show.”“I’m not gonna lie — we’ve been working on this episode all day. Some crew got here as early as 9 a.m.” — JOHN MULANEY“I can’t do coke or Adderall anymore, so I’m making it your problem. Will this show get my heart rate up to the level where I feel alive? We shall see.” — JOHN MULANEYJohn Mulaney is your problem now. #EverybodysLive pic.twitter.com/xiIT2JYFlu— Netflix (@netflix) March 13, 2025

      The comedian reminded viewers that he’d had an earlier show with a similar concept: a six-episode live series called “Everybody’s in L.A.” that ended last May. While fans enjoyed its unpredictability, the show’s name was a turnoff in Netflix screen tests, he said: “It turns out that people around the country don’t like L.A.”“After the fires, I said, ‘Maybe they like us more now,’ so we tested it again, and it turns out, no. People still didn’t.” — JOHN MULANEY“Netflix actually picked up this show by accident. They thought that it was a true-crime documentary because I look like a disappeared boy.” — JOHN MULANEYMulaney also referred to his much-scrutinized personal life with his wife, the actress Olivia Munn, and their two young children before moving on to the night’s guests.“Yes, I have two children now. One was controversial; one you all seem to be cool with, so thank you so much for that.” — JOHN MULANEYThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Education Edition)“Trump just announced he’s firing 50 percent of the Department of Education. Even worse, Trump said, ‘Don’t worry, the other 60 percent will still have jobs.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump, really, he’s Thanos-ed the Department of Education.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The new secretary of education is Linda McMahon, who’s married to Vince McMahon of the W.W.E. Could you imagine getting fired by the wife of the disgraced wrestling meathead? Don’t let the folding chair hit you on the way out.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Slams Trump’s Skills of Shill for Tesla

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      “But why should he, when he did a big commercial for them today, absolutely free?” Kimmel said after the president brought some of Elon Musk’s cars to the White House.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.No Such Thing as Bad Publicity?Tesla’s stock has been plunging, so much so that Jimmy Kimmel thinks Elon Musk “may have to fire himself.” But Musk got a boost from President Trump, who promised to buy a Tesla and had some brought to the White House on Tuesday.“The guy has spent the entire campaign screaming about how awful electric cars are, is now buying an electric car. Of course, there’s no chance he will actually pay for this electric car. But why should he, when he did a big commercial for them today, absolutely free?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I remember the time he saved Party City by buying a kazoo — it was heroic.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I would imagine they probably don’t even have a place to charge it at the White — maybe he’ll make little Marco run on a hamster wheel.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Watching Donald Trump check out a Tesla — it was like watching a monkey with an iPad.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He had them line up five Teslas on the White House driveway so Trump and Elon could shoot a car commercial on government property.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He’s finally turned into the used-car salesman we all knew he was all along.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Just the idea that we all now have to dig deep to help the richest man in the world who’s down to his last $324 billion sell cars is preposterous.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Sorry Not Sorry Edition)“There’s a silver lining on the implosion of the world economy — it’s bad for Elon Musk, too.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Right now the economy is so bad, Elon Musk is thinking about laying off Donald Trump.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yesterday alone, Musk lost more than $16 billion. Wow! Wow! To put that in perspective, that’s more than some people make in a year.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Tesla stock has plummeted 50 percent since December, and there’s a good reason for that. It’s a phenomenon economists call ‘Everybody [expletive] hates that guy.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingSting and Shaggy pulled from their most popular lyrics to sing about the economy on Tuesday’s “The Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe “White Lotus” star Parker Posey will chat with Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutIn “Long Bright River,” Amanda Seyfried plays a Philadelphia police officer who investigates the murders of vulnerable young women.David Holloway/PeacockAmanda Seyfried played against type with her new role as a Philadelphia beat cop in a new Peacock series, “Long Bright River.” More