Jimmy Kimmel Live (TV Program)

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      Jimmy Kimmel Suggests Trump Take a Sip of His Own Medicine

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      “If Donald Trump wants immunity, he should drink bleach like he told us to do when we wanted immunity,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Has He Tried Bleach?On Tuesday, Donald Trump’s lawyers asked the Supreme Court to rule that he has absolute immunity from criminal charges stemming from his attempts to subvert the 2020 election.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel joked that Trump “also wants immunity from chlamydia, just in case.”“His lawyers told the court, ‘Denial of criminal immunity would incapacitate every future president with de facto blackmail and extortion while in office and condemn him to years of post-office trauma at the hands of political opponents.’ Which sounds bad, right? And yet somehow, we’ve had 44 presidents before him — that never happened to any of them except for this one guy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“A president could make some seriously crazy stuff happen. If you’re dumb and arrogant, you commit the crimes yourself on television, then you have a problem. Then you have to beg the Supreme Court for something preposterous, like immunity. But if Donald Trump wants immunity, he should drink bleach like he told us to do when we wanted immunity.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Turns out the guy who bragged to Billy Bush he can do whatever he wants thinks he should be allowed to do whatever he wants.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (March Madness Edition)“My hope is that we get all the madness out in March, so we don’t have any left for November.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Gonzaga tomorrow plays McNeese State, which, not only do I not believe Gonzaga is a real place, I don’t think there’s any such place as McNeese State, either. I know for a fact there are 50 states, and McNeese is not one of them, OK? This is a game between two imaginary teams they’re putting on. The A.I. has finally taken over.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Today, President Biden posted his bracket, and he picked a favorite, UConn, to repeat as national champions. Yeah, Biden relates to UConn ’cause they both have a 38 percent chance of winning again.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, Biden has UConn, Houston, North Carolina and Tennessee in his Final Four, while Trump was able to identify all the mascots: [imitating Trump] ‘I see the duck, the bear, the lion.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Trump didn’t fill out a bracket ’cause he doesn’t have the 10 bucks to join the pool.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingKristen Wiig used an opera singer to answer Jimmy Fallon’s interview questions on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Shirley” star Regina King will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutA letter from Eric Clapton to Pattie Boyd, who inspired his song “Layla.” It begins, “Dearest L.”Christie’s Images Ltd.Pattie Boyd, who was at the center of one of rock’s most mythic love triangles, is auctioning love letters that Eric Clapton wrote her while she was married to George Harrison. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Thinks Hiring an Ex-Con Is the Right Move for Trump

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      Employing Paul Manafort, a former campaign adviser who was convicted of fraud, “will make Trump seem less fraudy by comparison,” the “Tonight Show” host reasoned.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Worst Best People’Donald Trump is said to be considering a new hire: Paul Manafort, one of his former campaign advisers, who went to prison for tax and bank fraud (and was pardoned by Trump in 2020). News outlets reported that he was in talks about helping with the Republican National Convention.On Tuesday’s “Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon said Trump’s team was hoping that “hiring someone who has been convicted of fraud will make Trump seem less fraudy by comparison.”“I think it’s actually a good idea. Trump needs an adviser like Paul Manafort to tell him not to hire guys like Paul Manafort.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump is bringing back all the worst best people.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump reportedly wants Manafort to help oversee the Republican National Convention, which I’m surprised he can do because, you know, when Manafort was being sentenced, he claimed he had too many medical problems to go to prison. But I guess he magically healed up. And who better to run your election campaign than a man who isn’t allowed to vote in that election?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Make America Kate Again Edition)“This week in the United States, there have been more Google searches for Kate Middleton than for Joe Biden or Donald Trump. We finally did it — we made America Kate again.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You could tell it’s the first day of spring ’cause, according to the royal family, Kate Middleton just came out of hibernation.” — JIMMY FALLON“Kate has not been seen in public since she had surgery back in January, which of course led to all sorts of rumors about her whereabouts and well-being. Everyone’s putting together clues to find the princess — it’s like an international game of ‘Zelda’ is happening right now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Maybe she got a bad perm and is waiting for her hair to grow out, you know?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This shows you how different it is in the U.K. Kate goes missing for a few weeks, the whole country goes berserk. Meanwhile, we haven’t seen Melania since 2021.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe hip-hop mogul Dr. Dre was joined by Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent and Eminem for his first late-night appearance in 30 years on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightKristen Wiig will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutMost of the tracks on Shakira’s new album deal with romantic ups and (mostly) downs, honed into crisp, tuneful pop structures.Jose Breton/Invision, vía Associated PressShakira says her first album in seven years, “Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran,” helped her transform “pain into productivity.” More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Gets a Kick Out of Bothering Donald Trump

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      “Donald Trump has said I’m not talented so many times, Eric is starting to get jealous,” Kimmel said after the ex-president bashed him (again) on Fox News.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.They’re All Going to Laugh at YouDuring a Fox News appearance over the weekend, Donald Trump discussed Jimmy Kimmel’s jab at him during the Oscars. Trump expressed amazement that Kimmel had read Trump’s insulting posts about him on the air (“All he had to do was keep his mouth shut”). The ex-president also insisted that his posts had gone viral, not Kimmel’s on-air response to them: “Isn’t it past your jail time?”“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” Kimmel said on Monday. “I mean, Donald Trump has said I’m not talented so many times, Eric is starting to get jealous.””What he doesn’t realize is that I love this. I love that this bothered him so much. I love that Fox picked a news guy nobody knows to interview him, and I especially love when he tries to spin the fact that everyone was laughing at him into a positive.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Barbie was laughing at you. Not only were they laughing at you on Oscar Sunday, there are now dozens of ‘Past Your Jail Time’ shirts for sale. There are mugs. There are tank tops. There is an ‘Isn’t It Past Your Jail Time’ backpack. People are writing it outside the Trump Hotel. There are billboards. There are billboards in Pennsylvania, in Florida, and there are a lot more to come.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But if only I’d kept my mouth shut. Imagine him telling anyone they should’ve kept their mouth shut? I mean, that should be on his tombstone: ‘Should have kept his mouth shut.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (His Word Is His Bond Edition)“Trump’s lawyers today told the court they can’t find anyone to put up the $454 million bond he needs to cover what he owes the state of New York. They say they approached around 30 bond companies and none of them would do business — gee, I wonder why.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In his defense, how is a billionaire ever supposed to come up with half a billion dollars, you know?” — JIMMY FALLON“Can you imagine that call? ‘Hi, we represent Donald Trump. We were wondering if you could — hello?’ I mean, who would have ever guessed that a hard-earned reputation for not paying your bills would make it difficult to get credit?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump is pretty desperate for the money. Right now, if you go on Airbnb, you can rent Trump Tower, Mar-a-Lago and Eric.” — JIMMY FALLON“And what’s the problem, anyway? Didn’t you say Mar-a-Lago is worth at least $1.8 billion? Just get a reverse mortgage on that. I’m sure Tom Selleck could help you.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Isn’t Shocked to See Trump Back in Court

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      ”What’s still a mystery is why a bunch of top secret documents were taken by a president who, by all accounts, does not read,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Another Day in CourtFormer President Donald Trump appeared in a Florida courtroom on Thursday, where a federal judge rejected his motion to dismiss charges of mishandling classified documents against him.“The fun thing about these hearings is you don’t know if Trump is going to show up,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “He doesn’t have to come, but he sometimes — it’s like when you go on a boat, sometimes you see a whale, sometimes you don’t.”“Even when he’s not required to be there, just scowling at the defense table, storming out of the courtroom, and holding impromptu press conferences while he’s penned in by barricades like a balloon before the start of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.” — SETH MEYERS“You’re not supposed to love being in court this much. The only person I can think of who spent this much time in court is Judge Judy, and look how mad she is.” — SETH MEYERS“This is a historic case. Not only is it the first time a former president has been charged with illegally removing and withholding classified documents; it’s also the first time a former president used classified documents to decorate his bathroom.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump claims the documents were his to do with as he pleased. But his claim is complicated by the fact that they were not. They were not his to do with. What’s still a mystery is why a bunch of top secret documents were taken by a president who, by all accounts, does not read.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Badly Edition)“Yes, in terms of badly, Trump has been treated the badliest. Although maybe Lincoln was treated a little bit worse, what with being shot in the head and all? But I doubt he was on his deathbed saying, ‘At least I didn’t have a pee tape rumor.’” — DESI LYDIC of “The Daily Show,” on Trump saying that of all the presidents, “nobody’s been treated like Trump, in terms of badly” “Nobody’s been treated like Trump, in terms of badly, and Trump should be treated in terms of goodly.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, he said no president’s been treated worse. Yeah, even John Wilkes Booth is like, ‘Hold on.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Totally normal way to say that. Reminds me of my favorite Michael Jackson album, ‘In Terms of Badly.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Presnell interrupted Questlove and Tariq’s re-enactment of his tense moment from the “Love is Blind” reunion on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJoy Woods, left, and Ryan Vasquez as the young adult incarnations of Allie and Noah in the musical “The Notebook” at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theater in Manhattan.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesAttendees of the new stage musical based on the 2004 movie “The Notebook” can buy a box of tissues in the lobby for $5. More

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      Late Night Tackles the U.S. House Bill That Could Ban TikTok

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      “This is like iPhone ‘Footloose,’ and there’s no Kevin Bacon to save us,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Final CountdownOn Wednesday, the House passed a bill to ban TikTok in the United States unless the app’s parent company sells it to a non-Chinese owner in the next six months.“So now, the bill goes to the Senate, which means the fate of every tweenaged TikToker is in the hands of a bunch of old white people with Hotmail accounts,” Jimmy Kimmel said.“This is a big deal. This is like iPhone ‘Footloose,’ and there’s no Kevin Bacon to save us.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But, yes, obviously, there is a problem with a Chinese app spying on Americans and feeding us propaganda. You want American apps doing that.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Well, if you guys are worried about the Chinese gathering data on Americans, wait till you find out who makes the phones.” — SETH MEYERS“Only 50 Democrats and 15 Republicans voted ‘no.’ Three-hundred fifty-two voted ‘yes,’ which almost never happens anymore. Who would have guessed that this would be the thing that brings both sides together?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I mean, Republicans voted against their own border bill because they were afraid it would make Joe Biden look good. They can’t even get it together to stand up to Vladimir Putin. But, by God, they will stand up to Charli D’Amelio and then some.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Just to give you an idea of the pull this app has, they did a poll, and half the people who use TikTok said they do believe it poses a threat to national security but they still use it and keep it on their phones. I guess at this point, what the hell, right? I mean, half the country supports a national security threat for president, might as well dance.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Well, apparently, both Democrats and Republicans are worried that China will steal the secrets of the tortilla slap.” — JIMMY FALLON“I don’t think we fully understand how crazy these kids are going to go if they kill TikTok. I mean, for teenagers today, losing TikTok is a bigger deal than losing your virginity. I’m not kidding, either. This is like taking away all of their imaginary friends at once.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Can you imagine if TikTok was banned? I mean, just picture lying down in bed and then actually going to bed, you know what I’m saying?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Losing Teams Edition)“Apparently, R.F.K. Jr. is seriously considering Aaron Rodgers and Jesse Ventura as potential picks for vice president. Yep, Kennedy confirmed that Rodgers and Ventura are at the top of his list, which really makes you wonder who’s at the bottom.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yesterday, we learned that he is reportedly considering Aaron Rodgers for veep. Now that is a risky move to pick Rodgers, because if we’ve learned one thing, it’s that the minute he starts running, he’s going to snap his Achilles’.” — STEPHEN COLBERTWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Stephen Colbert Slams Former Special Counsel’s Conclusions

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      Colbert objected to Robert K. Hur calling President Biden a “well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory” in a report on the handling of classified documents.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Thanks for the MemoriesOn Tuesday, the former special counsel Robert K. Hur testified before the House Judiciary Committee, answering questions about his investigation into President Biden’s handling of classified documents. In his report, Hur referred to Biden as a “well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory.”“Yes, Biden has been dangerously forgetful, unlike Trump, who always remembers that he’s running against Obama, and unopposed, at that, since Nancy Pelosi dropped out,” Stephen Colbert said on his show Tuesday night.“Democrats were, like, ‘Well, that five days of momentum from the State of the Union was fun while it lasted.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That kind of assessment is sort of outside the normal job description of a special counsel. It’d be like your doctor saying, ‘Well, we ran some tests, Mr. Johnson, and your cholesterol looks very good, but I am worried about how ugly you are. I’m going to write you a prescription for bag over your head. Unlimited refills.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Hur refused to engage in hypotheticals, but today, he did release the full transcript of his interviews with the president, and, what do you know? It’s not as ‘old-man-forgets-a-lot’ as his summary made it out to be. At one point, Hur even complimented Biden’s memory, specifically saying: ‘You appear to have a photographic understanding and recall.’ So the exact opposite of his report summary. At this point, I’m worried about Hur’s cognitive ability. Did anyone ask him to identify a whale?’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bye-Bye, TikTok Edition)“Angry TikTok users are reportedly calling congressional offices ahead of the week’s vote on a bipartisan bill that would ban the platform. Well, it’s more mature than what angry Facebook users did.” — SETH MEYERS, referring to Jan. 6“Banning one of the most popular social media apps in the entire world would set a huge precedent and have a massive impact on American life. Without TikTok, where else would I learn about actual trends like cooking chicken in NyQuil or future trends like calling the ambulance after someone cooks chicken in NyQuil?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The bill is a response to fears that TikTok’s owner company, ByteDance, could share user data, such as browsing history, location and biometric identifiers, with China’s authoritarian government. Oh, God. China could spy on us or brainwash our youth with propaganda, or, worst of all, put us on a mailing list.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Explains His Run-In (Sort of) With Trump at the Oscars

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      Why did Donald Trump go online during the Oscars to criticize Kimmel’s performance as host? Kimmel thinks he was upset because no one had mentioned his name. Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.OscarworthyFresh from hosting the Oscars on Sunday, Jimmy Kimmel detailed on Monday night how he’d come to poke fun in real time at one viewer: Donald Trump, who posted criticism of Kimmel’s performance during the broadcast. (“Isn’t it past your jail time?” Kimmel asked the ex-president from the stage.) “We were backstage, the show was almost over, and one of our writers was like, ‘Hey, look at this,’ and I was like, well, to quote Al Pacino, ‘Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in,’ and I had to read it,” Kimmel said.“Donald Trump — you remember that guy? He used to be, yeah — wrote ‘Has there ever been a worse host than Jimmy Kimmel at the Oscars? His opening was that of a less-than-average person trying too hard to be something which he is not and never can be.’ This was also his wedding toast to his son Eric, by the way.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“So after the show, almost everyone I ran into was asking me, ‘Was that real? Did Donald Trump really?’ It’s like yeah, of course, it was real. And it kind of tells you all you need know about Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He wrote this because he was upset I didn’t mention him on the show, and no one mentioned him on the show. He wasn’t getting any attention. He couldn’t stand it. And so then the Adderall McFlurry kicked in, and he went right on.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Funny — we had John Cena onstage naked, and somehow Trump still managed to be the biggest [expletive] of the night.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pushing the Envelope Edition)“‘Oppenheimer’ was the big winner, taking home seven awards, including Best Picture, while the award for Most Paused Picture went to John Cena.” — JIMMY FALLON“I mean, God bless, John. I could never do something like that. If I did, I’d win the Oscar for Best Short.” — JIMMY FALLON“Good thing he held onto that card, ’cause we might have seen his Maestro, if you know what I’m saying? His Poor Thing, if you catch my drift.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They kept demanding that we make the envelope bigger and bigger, which, well, first, I have to say congratulations to John Cena, the commotion you caused. Very rarely does an idea literally push the envelope, and this one did.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingKristen Stewart defended her racy Rolling Stone cover while on Monday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe journalist Jane Marie will discuss her new book “Selling the Dream: The Billion-Dollar Industry Bankrupting Americans” on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This Out“I still like looking at the world around me with softness and an open heart,” Adrianne Lenker said.Erinn Springer for The New York TimesThe singer-songwriter Adrianne Lenker of Big Thief fame projects resilience on her fifth solo album, Bright Future. More

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      Stephen Colbert Declares the Supreme Court Unconstitutional

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      Aggravated by the latest delay in Donald Trump’s election subversion trial, Colbert unleashed “the power vested in me as a late-night host” against the court.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Thrilling Conclusion of America’On Wednesday, the Supreme Court agreed to hear Donald Trump’s claim that he’s immune from prosecution on charges of plotting to overturn the 2020 election. One result is that the trial will be further delayed.“These proceedings have been frozen for so long they legally count as children in Alabama,” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday’s “Late Show.”“Kind of weird that SCOTUS feels the need to consider whether or not laws exist.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is what happens when we let an extra from ‘Home Alone 2’ pick three Supreme Court justices.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And it gets worse — because the oral arguments are in April, but court watchers don’t expect a decision until June. And the trial judge has promised the defense 88 days after that to prepare, meaning the trial could now be delayed until late September or October, plunging the proceedings into the heart of the election. That is terrible news for democracy, but fantastic news for television. All of the plotlines will come together at once for the thrilling conclusion of America.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Supreme Court gains all of its legitimacy and all of its power from public approval. They don’t have an army or a police force or, apparently, an H.R. department; they have to rely on moral authority. But they have abdicated that moral authority, which is why, tonight, using the power vested in me as a late-night host, I am hereby declaring the Supreme Court unconstitutional.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fit for Duty Edition)“Yesterday, President Biden had his annual physical exam, and good news: He’s alive! Jon Stewart, you owe me five bucks! Pay up!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The White House physician wrote a summary of the president’s health and said Joe Biden is ‘fit for duty’ and described him as ‘healthy, active, and robust.’ In stark contrast with the former president, who is unhealthy, inactive, and ro-busted.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“When asked about his mental state, the doctor said, ‘The president is in healthy physical condition.’” — JIMMY FALLON“We also got a list of all the medications Joe Biden takes for allergies, blood pressure and heartburn. They’re all pretty common — Eliquis, Crestor, Dymista, Allegra, Pepcid, and Nexium. Thanks, Joe! I believe that’s every one of our sponsors.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingDulcé Sloan declared Feb. 29 to be Black Women’s History Day on “The Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutGordon has long had a way of sneaking cultural and political ideas into music without coming off as didactic or overly earnest.Molly Matalon for The New York TimesAt 70, Kim Gordon has a new album out, “The Collective,” and it’s reaching new fans on TikTok. More