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Late Night Thinks Trump Is the Biggest Loser in the Midterms
The former president was said to be livid that candidates he endorsed lost on Tuesday, including Dr. Oz.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Losing CombinationLate night hosts commented on the midterm results on Wednesday night, including how poorly the night went for former President Donald Trump, who was said to be “livid” about Dr. Mehmet Oz’s loss in Pennsylvania.“They say the last time Trump was this disappointed was when Eric was born,” Jimmy Kimmel said.“In fact, it’s being reported that he is blaming Melania for pushing him to endorse Dr. Oz in the first place, saying it was ‘not her best decision.’ Yeah, and I’m sure in response, Melania was, like, ‘Yes, it’s true, I am very bad at picking men.’” — TREVOR NOAH“It might even be her second-worst decision.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump is so angry at Melania, they’re no longer sleeping in separate beds.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump was so mad he ran upstairs and slammed the door of his tanning bed.” — JIMMY FALLON“On the bright side, Dr. Oz now can go back to doing what he does best, which is analyzing the shape and color of our stool.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oprah right now is sitting at home cackling like a ‘Game of Thrones’ villain: ‘Tell Mehmet I want him to know it was me.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oz says he’s just happy he doesn’t have to pretend to root for the Philadelphia Steelers anymore.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Not Seeing Red Edition)“Whatever happens, it was less a red wave and more of a purple nurple.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s like what happens when you accidentally wash your Klan robes with your MAGA hat. Just a little pink — a pink wash.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I would say it was less like a red wave and more like a red wedding. The Republicans were the Starks, and Donald Trump was a dragon who burned his whole [expletive] party to a crisp.” — SETH MEYERS“For both parties it wasn’t great, but also not terrible. It was the political version of eating at TGI Fridays.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingBono took the Colbert Questionnaire while on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightWill Ferrell will inevitably get into some high jinks during his Thursday appearance on “The Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutPhoto Illustration by The New York Times. Photo by Harry Langdon/Getty ImagesThis week’s “Still Processing” digs into the resurgence of disco and Donna Summer. More
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Late Night Goes Live on Election Night
Stephen Colbert said that the midterms looked less like a red wave of Republican victories and more like “a pink trickle.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘A Pink Trickle’Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel took their shows live on election night, sharing midterm results as they came in during their monologues.“Though the G.O.P. is picking up seats in the House, so far it does not look like a red wave,” Colbert reported. “Perhaps — perhaps too early to tell. Perhaps a pink trickle. They should really have that checked out.”“Not only are we live, our audience tonight — this is exciting — our studio audience is made up entirely of Herschel Walker’s children.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In the Florida governor’s race, Democrat Charlie Crist has been defeated by MAGA wannabe and 2024 hopeful Ron DeSantis. And now, in accordance with Florida law, Charlie Crist will be forced on a plane and flown to Martha’s Vineyard.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You know, Matt Gaetz easily won his seat in Florida. He was re-elected. Florida’s a state in which being an alleged sex offender makes you an experienced public servant. It’s not necessarily frowned on. Matt is going to wait to celebrate until prom night, which is sweet.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“New York, we’re just getting word that Democratic incumbent Kathy Hochul has defeated MAGA candidate Lee Zeldin to remain governor of New York. This marks the historic first time New York has ever had a female governor on purpose.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, one of the biggest races that everyone has been watching is in Georgia, between Raphael Warnock and Herschel Walker, and right now they are neck and almost entirely neck.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It is so tight, this race could be decided by a margin of error of plus or minus Herschel Walker’s secret children.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (High Voter Turnout Edition)“The Colorado governor’s race goes to incumbent Jared Polis, who earlier this year — earlier this year, signed an exclusive order protecting marijuana users’ rights. So his victory was secured due to high voter turnout.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And then down in North Carolina — this was expected — in the North Carolina Senate race, we got word Republican Ted Budd has beaten Cheri Beasley, which is too bad for a couple of reasons. One was I was really looking forward to the headline, ‘Cheri Beasley Smokes Budd.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingRoy Wood Jr. explored the history of Black governors on Tuesday’s regular “Daily Show” segment, “CP Time.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightFlorence Pugh will pop by Wednesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This Out“She must make sure that everyone around her knows she is stable, and not talk about her feelings,” Imelda Staunton said of playing Queen Elizabeth II, adding, “But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings.” Netflix“The Crown” creator Peter Morgan chose Imelda Staunton to play Queen Elizabeth II for the final two seasons of the series because of her “vulnerability and strength.” More
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Late Night Rates Trump’s New Nickname for Ron DeSantis
“Trump doesn’t even know what that means,” Jimmy Fallon said after Donald Trump referred to the Florida governor as “Ron DeSanctimonious.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Best He Could Come Up WithFormer President Donald Trump debuted a new nickname for Gov. Ron DeSantis at a Pennsylvania rally over the weekend, referring to him as “Ron DeSanctimonious.”“Trump doesn’t even know what that means. He thought he was casting a Harry Potter spell on him,” Jimmy Fallon joked.“That’s right, former President Trump referred to Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis as ‘Ron DeSanctimonious,’ which is a risky move for Trump, because that’s six syllables.” — SETH MEYERS“Has anyone ever been worse at coming up with nicknames? Imagine Trump in ‘Top Gun’: [imitating Trump] ‘People! People! I know we all love Maverick, but I think I got one that beats it. Are you ready? Everybody ready? Airplane Guy.’” — SETH MEYERS“You saw that, breaking out a classic Trump nickname. I mean, at least we think it was a nickname. It could’ve just been Trump trying to say ‘DeSantis.’” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, there’s nothing voters like more than insults from a word-a-day calendar: ‘Let’s get bellicose! DeSantis is a pusillanimous sycophant! Incarcerate him aloft!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, he’s lost some speed on his nickname fastball, you know? In the old days, it would have been something like ‘Smelly Ron,’ and we would’ve all went with it.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Dr. Oz Edition)“Even Oprah, who made Dr. Oz, endorsed his opponent, John Fetterman. Which is — I mean, look, that’s like, that would be like me not endorsing Guillermo. It just wouldn’t happen.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Poor Dr. Oz. If he wins, he’s gonna actually have to move to Pennsylvania. I don’t know if he knows this.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And that’s always how it goes, people. At some point in life, you have to kill the monster you create. Yeah, Dr. Frankenstein and his creature. Obi-wan and Anakin. Parents and their kids.” — TREVOR NOAH“Astronomers predict that a total lunar eclipse will occur tomorrow. So if you look outside and the moon turns red, don’t worry — it just means Dr. Oz won his Senate race.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingStephen Colbert announced the winner of People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2022 on Monday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightJimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert will both go live on election night.Also, Check This OutSasha Diamond, left, and Shannon Tyo play ambitious twin sisters in Jiehae Park’s “Peerless.”James LeynseFemale playwrights are adapting and revamping Shakespeare’s “Macbeth” for the modern age. More
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Late Night Takes Up Herschel Walker’s Résumé Challenge
The football star and Senate candidate said he’d put his accomplishments up against Barack Obama’s any time. “Bold!” said Stephen Colbert.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Best Man for the JobHerschel Walker fired back at Barack Obama this week after the former president said that having been a good football player didn’t qualify Walker for the Senate. Walker said he’d put his résumé up against Obama’s any time.“Bold!” said Stephen Colbert, who presented his lists of the two men’s accomplishments.“Barack Obama was the first Black president of the Harvard Law Review, a U.S. senator, president of the United States, won the Nobel Peace Prize, has an Emmy, two Grammys, three number-one best-selling books, was voted Time’s person of the year twice, has a multimillion-dollar Netflix deal and killed Osama bin Laden. Not bad. That’s not too shabby. Meanwhile, Herschel Walker’s résumé says, ‘Good at football, holds Georgia’s single-season pregnancy record, and brain broke.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The only thing your résumé has that his doesn’t is typos.” — SETH MEYERS“First of all, it wouldn’t even matter if Walker’s résumé was more impressive than Obama’s, because Obama’s has a line in his résumé that says ‘not crazy.’ That carries a lot of weight in a job interview.” — TREVOR NOAH“But also, Obama was president, people! He was president for two terms. Herschel Walker can’t even carry any of his pregnancies to two terms.” — TREVOR NOAH“I’m kidding, his résumé is impressive. I mean, any résumé is impressive when you can just make it up, right? [imitating Walker] ‘I was a cop, I was an F.B.I. agent, a ballerina, I discovered nitrogen, I also am nitrogen. The list goes on and on.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bone Deep Edition)“President Biden last night gave a speech on ‘the state of democracy’ and it turns out, it’s not great.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He said, ‘In our bones, we know democracy …’ That means we are screwed. Yeah, whenever an old person feels something in their bones, it means a storm’s a-coming. [imitating an elderly person] ‘I feel it in my bones. It’s either that or osteoporosis, but I think it’s a storm.’” — TREVOR NOAH“Biden’s clearly at that age where he receives all his information via bones: [imitating Biden] ‘There goes the elbow. There goes the elbow. It’s going to rain. Knee’s acting up again. Low voter turnout in Broward County.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon joined the “Sherman’s Showcase” stars Bashir Salahuddin and Diallo Riddle for a musical medley on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutIn “Selena Gomez: My Mind and Me,” the singer is in the trustworthy hands of the veteran director Alek Keshishian.Apple TV+The new documentary “Selena Gomez: My Mind and Me” captures the pop star’s challenges with mental illness, lupus and fame. More
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Late Night Looks at Election Deniers Running for Office
Stephen Colbert pointed out that 12 Republicans running for secretary of state have publicly voiced concerns about the validity of the 2020 presidential election.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not Just a River in EgyptSeveral Republicans up for election in the midterms have voiced distrust in the validity of the 2020 presidential election. On Wednesday, Stephen Colbert said he was especially frightened by the 12 running for secretary of state across the country, saying that their wins could mean “the election deniers might be running the next election.”“That doesn’t seem right. That’s like saying, ‘Hey, we need a babysitter — how about Cassandra the Dark, denier of children? I know, I know, but she really wants the job — or don’t you enjoy date night?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Anything can happen, and as a reminder of that, today is the 74th anniversary of one of the greatest election upsets ever. In 1948, Harry Truman beat Thomas Dewey. No one expected Truman to get re-elected, particularly not the Chicago Tribune, which led to one of the most iconic photos in U.S. history: a victorious President Truman holding up the early edition of the paper that incorrectly declared ‘Dewey Defeats Truman.’ It’s very famous. And that blunder led to another iconic photo the next day: ‘Dewey Says Election was Rigged,’ followed by, ‘Frankly, Dewey Did Win This Election’ and ‘Dewey Supporters Raid Capitol, Poop on Floor.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At a campaign stop in Wisconsin, Republican Senator Ron Johnson said that he is not sure if he will accept the results of next week’s midterm elections and added, ‘Do Democrats have something up their sleeves?’ Have you met the Democrats? They famously have nothing up their sleeve. The best they can manage is a quarter behind the ear.” — SETH MEYERS“Then, over in Nevada, you got former state representative and news anchor from the future telling us about life before the event, Jim Marchant. Marchant ‘falsely claims the former president defeated Joe Biden in Nevada and has said he wouldn’t have certified the results there in 2020,’ and has pushed the ‘false claim that Pelosi, Schumer, and Schiff weren’t legitimately elected.’ Oh, so he’s just denying every election: ‘Schumer lost! Schiff cheated! Justin Guarini beat Kelly Clarkson! I won the J.D. Power and Associates initial customer satisfaction for midsize family van!” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (In the Swing Edition)“Tonight, Biden delivered a prime-time speech from Capitol Hill about the midterm elections and said it could take several days for all of the votes to be counted in some swing states. Unfortunately, after these past two years, every state is a swing state.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, a lot of experts are predicting a red wave on Election Day. You can tell Biden is nervous because he already hired Rudy Giuliani to challenge the results.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden also said that next week’s midterms are the ‘most important election of our lifetime.’ And that’s saying something coming from a guy who maybe voted for Lincoln?” — SETH MEYERS“President Biden warned yesterday that Republican Senator Rick Scott wants to cut Social Security and Medicare and added, quote, ‘Hot damn, boy.’ By the way, using the phrase ‘Hot damn, boy’ instantly qualifies you for Medicare.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingAfter a two-year hiatus, “Jimmy Kimmel Live” brought back its annual YouTube Challenge, which asked parents to record their children after being told their parents ate all their Halloween candy.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightParamore, the pop punk band, will perform on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutIn “Causeway,” Jennifer Lawrence plays a military engineer who returns home from Afghanistan after a traumatic brain injury.AppleAfter a brief acting hiatus, Jennifer Lawrence returns to the screen in “Causeway,” an AppleTV+ drama in which she plays an injured military engineer who comes home to New Orleans for an uneasy convalescence. More
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Stephen Colbert Isn’t Amused by Elon Musk’s Plan to Monetize Twitter
Colbert said that Musk’s idea to charge users for verification would lead to “chaos” on Twitter. “I rely on that blue check mark to know which of my butters I can’t not believe!”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Check, Please!According to a leaked business plan, Elon Musk is trying to figure out ways to monetize Twitter and is considering charging Twitter users monthly for verified blue check marks on their profiles.“But that would be chaos,” Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday. “I rely on that blue check mark to know which of my butters I can’t not believe!”“Yeah, $8 a month for the blue check mark, because I guess he’s hoping that everyone else on Twitter will also make terrible financial decisions like he did.” — TREVOR NOAH“With $8 a month, you can subscribe — you can get like, Netflix, you can get Paramount+, you can get Hulu, or you can pay so that people verify that they’re actually [expletive] on you: [imitating tweeter] ‘Oh, this is the real Trevor Noah? I hate this guy, yeah!’” — TREVOR NOAH“Why are you charging the people? Give it to everyone for free, or give it to no one. Give it to no one, right? But it doesn’t make sense to offer it as ‘equality’ and then put a price on it, do you get what I’m saying? Can you imagine if M.L.K. was out there like, ‘I have a dream. I have a dream, and I’ll tell you all about it for $8.99 a month.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And are you telling me that paragons of authenticity like Papa Johns and Papa Johns U.K. will risk falling to the same level as unverified frauds like Papa Johns Houston? You know it’s bad when Papa Johns says, ‘We cannot in good conscience verify that that is pizza.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (One Week From Midterms Edition)“The midterm elections are just one week away. That’s right, in one week, we’ll know who gets the House, the Senate and the upper hand at Thanksgiving.” — JIMMY FALLON“The midterms are only seven days and four secret Herschel Walker abortions away.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You can tell the midterms are close when the fund-raising emails are in all caps: ‘JIMMY, I NEED $10 NOW!’” — JIMMY FALLON“And the big question for Republicans is when to start claiming fraud. You don’t want to go too early, because what if you win? You don’t want to pull a stop the steal on yourself. It’s tricky, you know?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJeff Wright, a “Late Night with Seth Meyers” writer, hosted a support group for some undecided voters on Tuesday’s show.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightYvonne Strahovski will chat about the final season of “The Handmaid’s Tale” on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutChristina Applegate in the final season of “Dead to Me,” premiering Nov. 17 on Netflix. “This is the first time anyone’s going to see me the way I am,” she said.Saeed Adyani/NetflixThe “Dead to Me” star Christina Applegate was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis during filming of the final season, but she was determined to finish strong. More
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Stephen Colbert Ponders Dr. Oz’s Views on Abortion
“No one should have to discuss health care with their local political leaders, especially if you live in one of those really small towns where the local mayor is a dog,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Abort MissionOn Wednesday’s “Late Show,” Stephen Colbert joked that Mehmet Oz had already faced some obstacles as a Senate candidate in Pennsylvania: “For one thing, he lives in New Jersey.”In his monologue, Colbert said the candidate, a former talk show host also known as Dr. Oz, had “accidentally said what he meant” about abortion in his Tuesday debate with Lt. Gov. John Fetterman. Oz said the federal government should stay out of the issue, which he said should be left to women and doctors — and, he quickly added, “local political leaders.”“Oh, so close! No one — no one should have to discuss health care with their local political leaders. Especially if you live in one of those really small towns where the local mayor is a dog. ‘Making this decision was ruff. But I believe life begins at — squirrel!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Dr. Oz said abortion rights should be decided by women and their doctors and local political leaders, which is pretty slick, right? Because he started that sentence like he was on the side of women, then he snuck in the politicians at the end like a teenager buying condoms at the gas station.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Speaking of Abortion Edition)“I think we can all agree there is only one politician who should have a say in your abortion and that’s Herschel Walker, because it is his. It’s his. It’s probably his. Ladies, check, they’re all his.” — TREVOR NOAH“Wait a second — didn’t we do this story already? Am I in a rerun right now?” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on another allegation that Walker, a candidate for the Senate in Georgia, had asked a woman to have an abortion“At this point, the only athlete who would be dumb enough to sign with Donda Sports is Herschel Walker.” — JIMMY KIMMEL, referring to Kanye West’s marketing agencyThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever” stars Lupita Nyong’o, Danai Gurira and Letitia Wright surprised fans on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightTegan and Sara will perform a track from their new album “Crybaby” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutLawrence Mercado, a special effects artist, with Josh Nalley, who was playing a corpse on the set of “CSI: Vegas.”Sonja Flemming/CBSJosh Nalley posted videos of himself playing dead on TikTok. It led to a role as a corpse on “CSI: Vegas.” More
