Jimmy Kimmel Live (TV Program)

Subterms

    More stories

    • 113 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Seth Meyers Is Tired of Republicans’ Playing the Victim

      by

      “Do all these pundits whining about the leak really think this is what will shatter the integrity of the court?” Meyers said of the disclosure of a draft ruling from the Supreme Court overturning abortion rights.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Whose Choice?Right-wing politicians and television networks responded to the news of the leak of a draft Supreme Court ruling overturning Roe v. Wade this week by focusing not on the content of the leak, but on revealing the identity of the leaker.“How will they ever recover from this breach of their personal privacy?” Seth Meyers asked. “Maybe Samuel Alito can start wearing a shirt that says, ‘My judicial body, my choice.’”“And how do you know it’s a liberal? It could have just as easily been a conservative — [coughs] Ginni Thomas [coughs] — who leaked the opinion to freeze the majority in place and stop the chief justice, John Roberts, from trying to convince one of the other court’s conservatives to soften their stance. I have no idea, but the fact that they’re all freaking out about the leak instead of celebrating the victory is telling. It underscores yet again that even at the height of their powers, these people always have to play the victim. If they won a free car on ‘Wheel of Fortune,’ they’d immediately start whining: ‘But I already have two cars in my garage — I don’t have space for a brand-new Stingray. This is so unfair!’” — SETH MEYERS“Yes, a left-wing Antifa law clerk trying to sabotage the court, or a right-wing MAGA head trying to lock the decision in place. Or maybe it was the butler. It’s always the butler.” — TREVOR NOAH“Do all these pundits whining about the leak really think this is what will shatter the integrity of the court? Not the fact that Republicans stole a seat from President Obama or the fact that several of their nominees apparently lied to the Senate about their positions on Roe, or the fact that one of them called opposition to his nomination based on credible sexual assault allegations a smear campaign orchestrated by shadowy left-wing groups and the Clintons? I could go on, so I will.” — SETH MEYERS“Look, I can understand the argument that this leak is bad for the institution of the Supreme Court. But come on — did you think waiting to release it this summer was going to make it a hot beach read? ‘Your Body, His Choice.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Star Wars Day Edition)“Guys, today is May the 4th, also known as Star Wars Day — as in ‘May the fourth be with you.’ That’s right, Star Wars’Day, or for guys in their 30s celebrating it, Solo de Mayo.” — JIMMY FALLON“Ah, but Star Wars Day is interesting, ’cause it’s the one time of year when Tinder tries to match you with your sister, you know what I’m saying? You haven’t seen the movie? Don’t blame me; blame George Lucas. I didn’t write it.” — JIMMY FALLON“‘Star Wars’ is one of the only movie franchises with its own holiday. You don’t see anybody dressing up as Vin Diesel and wishing you a happy Fast 5th.’” — MIKE BIRBIGLIA, guest-hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live”The Bits Worth WatchingNorah Jones performed her hit “Don’t Know Why” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show” in celebration of her 20th anniversary super-deluxe edition of her Grammy-winning album “Come Away With Me.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Hacks” star Hannah Einbinder will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutDrag performers from Hell in a Handbag Productions shopped at Golden-Con, where vendors sold sundry items like “Golden Girls” fans.Evan Jenkins for The New York TimesThousands of “Golden Girls” fans gathered in Chicago for Golden-Con, a celebration of their favorite TV show. More

    • 75 Shares149 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Kimmel: Truth Social Versus Twitter

      by

      “They will delete your account if you use the platform as a ‘tool for a crime or any unlawful activity,’ like, I don’t know, starting a riot at the Capitol maybe?” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Empty PromisesDonald Trump released a statement this week, praising the success of his app, Truth Social.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel pointed out that while Trump promotes his app as a free-speech alternative to Twitter, Truth Social’s community guidelines aren’t so different.“And the biggest no-no, the one they actually call ‘Truth #1,’ they will delete your account if you use the platform as a ‘tool for a crime or any unlawful activity,’ like, I don’t know, starting a riot at the Capitol maybe?” Kimmel said. “Now what I’m wondering is maybe this is why Trump hasn’t been posting on Truth Social — he’s banned from that one, too.”“Truth Social is getting a boost from the news that Elon Musk is buying Twitter. Their app is now No. 1 on the Apple Store free app chart. We know this because Trump released a statement that said, ‘Truth Social is No. 1 in the Apple App store,’ a statement he did not bother to post on Truth Social, by the way, because no one would see it there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He still hasn’t posted on his own Truth Social app since the day it launched back in February. The last time he ignored something this much it was named Eric.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The truth about Truth Social is, of course, it’s No. 1. The reason no one’s downloading the Twitter app is because everybody already has Twitter.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Just a Phase Edition)“Finally, let’s talk about Covid-19, the only one of us that has seen Kamala Harris in like three months.” — TREVOR NOAH“As we all know, a little over two years ago a bat in China didn’t cover its mouth when it sneezed in a lab after visiting a food market, and that started a pandemic, and the world has never been the same.” — TREVOR NOAH“I don’t know if I believe it, seeing as how I know about 20 people who have Covid or have had it this month, but Dr. Fauci says we are no longer in the pandemic phase. We are transitioning from the pandemic phase to the awkward teenage phase. So instead of your hands, wash your face.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But Fauci warned the virus cannot be stamped out completely. The country may be totally over it, but it’s somehow still hanging around. Basically it’s like ‘American Idol.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Yeah, a phase, sort of like wide-leg jeans — they disappeared for 20 years and now suddenly everyone looks like they have to borrow a pair of jeans from Shaq, you know?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingAs Black Karen, “Daily Show” correspondent Dulcé Sloan called the cops on white people for their heinous crimes like eating bad barbecue and kissing their dogs on the mouth.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Yellowjackets” star Christina Ricci will pop by Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutSarah Silverman during a break from rehearsals of “The Bedwetter,” which centers on a 10-year-old Silverman who suffered from the embarrassing condition of the title.Mark Sommerfeld for The New York TimesSarah Silverman promises vulnerability and jokes in her new musical comedy “The Bedwetter.” More

    • 138 Shares199 Views

      in Television

      Trevor Noah Backs Trump’s Returning to Twitter for One Reason Only

      by

      Noah joked that he just “really wants to see” the former president’s Wordle scores.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.More Hot TakesLate night continued to weigh in on Tuesday night on Elon Musk’s deal to purchase Twitter.Trevor Noah joked that the news set off “a wave of takes so hot, they burned off my eyebrows and I had to draw them back on.”“But one of the biggest takes came from former Twitter C.E.O. Jack Dorsey, who gave Musk his stamp of approval saying, ‘I trust his mission to extend the lights of consciousness.’ And I’ll be honest, people, I have no idea what that means, but Jack’s clearly on that billionaire speak.” — TREVOR NOAH“Well, I feel a lot better knowing that Twitter wasn’t in great hands before.” — SETH MEYERS“All jokes aside, Jack Dorsey is a great guy, and I wish him a safe journey back to his home planet.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yep, Musk says he’s going to bring back free speech to Twitter. It’s a big deal, because if it’s true, it means we’ll finally be able to talk about Bruno.” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, some people are worried that Musk will have a negative impact on Twitter. Yes, compared to the absolute paradise it’s been all along.” — JIMMY FALLONHosts wondered if Donald Trump might rejoin the app now that Musk will be at the helm, despite the former president’s claim he’ll instead remain on his own platform, Truth Social.“You know, he claims he won’t go back on Twitter, but he 100 percent will go back on Twitter, and then this dumb new company he conned everybody out of their money for will become, I guess, the social media equivalent of a Radio Shack — a Radio Shack that is run by Devin Nunes.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, so Truth Social is competition for Twitter the same way that guy on the plane was competition for Mike Tyson.” — TREVOR NOAH“Also, it doesn’t bode well that Trump himself has only posted on Truth Social one time ever. Yeah, and that was two months ago. Think about how crazy that is, people — when he was on Twitter, Trump would send out, what, like 50 tweets every time he went to the bathroom? Now he hasn’t posted for two months. Somebody needs to get this guy prune juice fast!” — TREVOR NOAH“I’ll be honest, though, the only reason I would want Trump back on Twitter, the only reason, because — I know, yes, it would probably lead to another term and it would destroy the country — but I just, I just really want to see his Wordle scores.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Keep Them Separated Edition)“Today, it was announced that Vice President Kamala Harris has tested positive for Covid-19. Yeah, President Biden told her to take her time recovering. He was like, ‘When I was V.P., I was gone for two years and nobody even noticed.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Thankfully, Harris is feeling good and will remain isolated just like she has since taking office.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, the White House said that Harris has been nowhere near Biden for over a week, which pretty much tells you all you need to know about that relationship.” — JIMMY FALLON“I don’t know, did they have a fight over a jelly bean? Why haven’t they seen each other in eight days?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers tackled Tucker Carlson and Tom Brady in Tuesday’s “Back in My Day” segment on “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe B-52’s will perform on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” ahead of the band’s farewell tour.Also, Check This Out“I wanted to go out with a beautiful bang,” said Pamela Adlon, who co-created the FX series “Better Things.” The show draws heavily from her own life.OK McCausland for The New York TimesPamela Adlon bids a bittersweet adieu to her semi-autobiographical show, “Better Things.” More

    • 125 Shares149 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Muses on Elon Musk’s Deal to Buy Twitter

      by

      Trevor Noah joked that owning Twitter would give Musk “more power than the drugstore employee with the key to the deodorant shelf.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Elon Musk Is VerifiableAfter initially being denied, Elon Musk reached a deal to buy Twitter on Monday for roughly $44 billion.“It’s the hottest and messiest relationship drama this side of ‘Riverdale,’ and it looks like after weeks of flirtation and fighting, the new couple has officially done the deed,” Trevor Noah joked on Monday’s “Daily Show.”“That’s right, people. Twitter said it would never sell to Elon Musk, and then he produced the cash and they’re like, ‘All right, we’ll sell.’ Yeah, I guess they found that edit button after all.” — TREVOR NOAH“I honestly don’t know why Elon would want to own Twitter, all right? It just doesn’t feel like a fun place to supervise. It’s like buying Jurassic Park after the power went down and the cages are open.” — TREVOR NOAH“So you see, by buying Twitter, Elon Music gets to own one of the most culturally influential publishing platforms in the world. I mean, remember this; think about it: Twitter is how the Arab Spring took off, all right? Black Lives Matter blew up on Twitter, the Me Too movement started on Twitter, Trump used Twitter to turn himself from a reality show joke into the 45th president of the United States and a joke. So owning Twitter gives you more power than the drugstore employee with the key to the deodorant shelf.” — TREVOR NOAH“He said he wants to transform Twitter as a platform for free speech around the globe. Yeah, that’s the problem with Twitter — no one can say what they think. They’re holding back.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Twitter’s an odd thing to buy, you know? It’s like buying YouTube and saying, ‘Forget the videos — I’m just here for the mean comments.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, the richest man in the world bought Twitter. Right now Bernie Sanders is so mad he just turned into the Hulk.” — JIMMY FALLON“Imagine having so much money that you think it’s a good idea to buy hell.” — JAMES CORDEN“Yeah, everything that happens on Twitter from now on is up to him — and also whatever strain his weed guy gives him that day. I’m just saying: He gets the wrong Sativa, there could be a race war, people; prepare yourselves.” — TREVOR NOAH“He sees something impossible and he makes it happen: building the most sought-after electric car, blasting off into outer space and, now, somehow making Twitter even worse.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Whose Truth? Edition)“Yeah, Musk has said that he’s pro-free speech, so a lot of people think that he’ll let former President Trump back on the platform. Yeah, not exactly what we meant when we asked for a return to prepandemic vibes.” — JIMMY FALLON“The caps lock key on Trump’s phone was like, ‘I’m back, baby.’” — JIMMY FALLON“But listen to this, today Trump told Fox News that he will not return to Twitter and will instead join his own platform, Truth Social. Wait, so not even Trump is on Truth Social yet?” — JIMMY FALLON“He’s not on his own app? If you’re keeping track, Twitter and Truth Social are like the Four Seasons and Four Seasons Total Landscaping.” — JIMMY FALLON“That is the name of his latest failure. Trump lies so much he can’t even say the word ‘truth.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingBill Hader, star of “Barry,” told Jimmy Kimmel how his young daughter pranked him in public in front of Chris Pratt.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightElisabeth Moss will talk about her new Apple TV+ series, “Shining Girls,” on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutAlice Walker, Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist and poet, with her dog, Ede, at her home in Litho, Calif., on April 4. Marissa Leshnov for The New York TimesThe celebrated author Alice Walker opens up to readers with “Gathering Blossoms Under Fire,” a collection of her diaries spanning 1965 to 2000. More

    • 100 Shares119 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Fallon Mocks Rudy Giuliani’s ‘Masked Singer’ Appearance

      by

      Fallon joked that “the C.D.C. reinstated the mask mandate” after seeing the performance.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Put the Mask Back On!Rudy Giuliani appeared on Wednesday night’s episode of Fox’s “Masked Singer,” belting out a rendition of “Bad to the Bone.”Jimmy Fallon joked that after seeing Giuliani’s performance, “the C.D.C. reinstated the mask mandate.”“They finally get a Republican to wear a mask and that’s how it goes.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, it actually takes talent not to hit any notes.” — JIMMY FALLON“I mean, that is just unbelievable — somebody famous was on ‘The Masked Singer.’” — SETH MEYERS“There is a good chance Rudy genuinely did not know where he was, and was just as surprised as everyone else when they opened that box. He was probably thrilled, by the way: [Imitating Giuliani] ‘A singing competition? I just assumed I was going to jail.’” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, Rudy Giuliani just got voted off ‘The Masked Singer,’ which means he is about to spend the next five years claiming that he actually won ‘The Masked Singer.’” — TREVOR NOAH“I guess history was made last night because for the first time in ‘The Masked Singer’’s history, a contestant took off their mask and everyone was like, ‘No, no, put it back on, put it back on!’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Explosive Interview Edition)“Meanwhile, our royal pain in the [expletive], his MAGAsty Donald Trump, is at it again. Trump squatted down for what appears to be a contentious chat with Piers Morgan, who used to be his friend. He was on the — as close to a friend as Donald Trump has, I guess.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“After a clip was released yesterday of former President Trump storming out of an interview with journalist Piers Morgan, a spokesman for Trump called the preview a, quote, ‘pathetic attempt to revive the career of a failed television host.’ Buddy, you’re going to have to be more specific.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, Piers Morgan released a clip from an interview with former President Trump that he claims will be, quote, ‘the most explosive interview of the year.’ Well, it’s certainly going to be the sweatiest. I mean, look — he looks like Jigsaw just told him he has an hour to name all the state capitals.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Thursday’s “Full Frontal,” Samantha Bee skewered Tucker Carlson’s latest docuseries, “The End of Men.”Also, Check This OutBarbara Gustern, shown here at Joe’s Pub in 2020, found her metier as a vocal coach after her career in musical theater didn’t turn out as she had hoped.James GavinThe singers Debbie Harry, Kathleen Hanna and Justin Vivian Bond remember their late vocal coach Barbara Gustern. More

    • 138 Shares189 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Isn’t Shocked the New Mask Ruling Came From Florida

      by

      “You can’t let Florida make health decisions for the entire country!” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Critical Face Theory’A federal judge in Florida struck down the C.D.C.’s mask mandate for public transportation on Monday.“You can’t let Florida make health decisions for the entire country!” Stephen Colbert said.“This judge claimed that the C.D.C. exceeded their legal authority by requiring masks and that their power was limited to things like cleaning property, not requiring people to take hygienic steps. Yes, you cannot force people to follow basic hygiene; you can only make them clean property, explains the new bathroom sign: ‘Before returning to work, employees must wash this sign.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Governor Ron DeSantis, of course, praised the decision. He tweeted it was ‘great to see a federal judge in Florida follow the law and reject the Biden transportation mask mandate,’ or as he calls it, ‘Critical Face Theory.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, passengers were dancing, hugging, kissing — and now they’re all in quarantine.” — JIMMY FALLON“But don’t worry, to keep everyone safe, you can now bring only up to 3.4 ounces of Covid on board.” — JIMMY FALLON“To put it another way, airlines are basically turning off the seatbelt sign for Covid and telling you to move freely about the cabin.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, if you thought Omicron was bad, wait till you meet the Spirit variant.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Covid In Flight Edition)“All the major airlines have already updated their policy on face coverings. Delta, American, United, Southwest, JetBlue, Frontier and Spirit announced they will no longer require passengers to wear a mask. Spirit Airlines actually never had an official mask requirement because they don’t have windows on the plane.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, there was a crazy scene on American Airlines. People tore off their masks and shoved them right into the ashtrays.” — JIMMY FALLON“Just as a general rule, nothing should change midflight, ever.” — TREVOR NOAH“This would be like if a roller coaster decided to rethink its safety policies when you’re already on the ride.” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s like being told halfway through a dinner party that it’s an orgy: ‘I wasn’t prepared for an orgy — I’m all filled up on dinner rolls, and I’m wearing the wrong underwear.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingPamela Adlon talked about the end of “Better Things” with Trevor Noah on Tuesday.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightNatasha Lyonne, star of “Russian Doll,” will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe comedian Jerrod Carmichael talks about the impact of family secrets in his HBO special “Rothaniel.”HBOThe comedian Jerrod Carmichael’s HBO special “Rothaniel” is as much a therapy session as a stand-up show. More

    • 138 Shares169 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Condemns Florida’s Ban on Math Books for ‘Prohibited Topics’

      by

      Trevor Noah joked that he wished math text books had critical race theory so “we could have solved racism by cheating and going to the back of the book.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not Adding UpThe state of Florida announced a ban on a number of proposed math textbooks for students because of their references to critical race theory or other “prohibited topics.”On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah said that it was strange for C.R.T. to show up in math books, but that he liked the idea of it.“Yeah, because then we could have solved racism by cheating and going to the back of the book with all the answers in it, you know?” Noah joked.“This official censorship isn’t just affecting history class, because this weekend we learned that Florida rejected 41 percent of new math textbooks. At least they think it’s 41 percent. For some reason, they suck at math.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Math textbooks would be the worst place to do it, because who remembers anything they learned in math, huh? Huh? Do you remember how to use a hypotenuse?” — TREVOR NOAH“Don’t get me started on the violence inherent in math. I will never forget the day 7 8 9. Scarred me for life.” — TREVOR NOAH“Well, the Florida Education Department explained that reasons for rejecting textbooks included references to critical race theory, which the Florida legislature says includes theories that distort historical events. That explains the updated unit on division: ‘A house divided against itself, hey — that’s two houses. Nice.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If you don’t know what critical race theory is, don’t worry, neither does Governor Ron DeSantis, don’t worry.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Thanks to his important work, Florida has rejected more than 50 math books after the team uncovered sentence problems like, ‘Jamal has seven apples.’ They felt Jamal sounded suspicious. And where did he get the apples? Does he have a receipt for them?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Back to the Races Edition)“President Biden today attended the White House Easter egg roll. However, due to inflation, the kids all had to share one egg.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s so nice we can gather again and watch the children safely have their egg race while we gamble big money on Fan Duel.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is the three-year anniversary of when a bunny was the smartest person on the White House balcony.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, after two minutes of rolling eggs across a lawn, the kids were like, ‘Wow, I actually miss Zoom.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJulia Roberts talked about celebrating 20 years of marriage with her husband, Daniel Moder, on Monday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightLeikeli47 will perform on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutClockwise from left rear: K. Todd Freeman, Noah Reid, Tracy Letts and Jeff Still, along with Danny McCarthy (forefront, on his knees) in the play “The Minutes.”Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesIn Tracy Letts’s new play, “The Minutes,” a tedious City Council meeting cracks open to reveal the secret record of what happened in Big Cherry. More

    • 125 Shares199 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Isn’t Thrilled About Elon Musk’s Attempted Twitter Takeover

      by

      “He is super smart, definitely, but he admits that he also loves dumb jokes, so we don’t know how this could turn out,” Trevor Noah said of the Tesla C.E.O.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Musk Eyes TwitterAfter becoming a major shareholder of Twitter last week, Elon Musk made an offer to buy the social media site for $43 billion on Thursday.Trevor Noah bemoaned the fact that Musk’s offer was anything but normal.“No, he offered to pay 54.20 per share. Yeah, not 54 dollars exactly — no, 54.20. And that’s how you know that you’re too rich — when you’re spending an extra few million dollars just to slip a weed joke into your takeover bid,” Noah joked.“A week ago, Musk became Twitter’s largest shareholder, after buying $2.89 billion worth of the company. OK, did no one tell him you can read all the tweets for free?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“After his big investment, he spent the week sitting down with experts to plan a long-term business strategy, by which I mean he posted a bunch of troll-y nonsense, like a meme of himself smoking weed with the caption ‘Twitter’s next board meeting is gonna be lit,’ and a poll suggesting they change the name to ‘Titter.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Oh my god. He could do so much with that money: address world hunger, fix climate change, get a decent haircut.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But that is the thing with Elon Musk — nobody knows what he is going to do. He’s super smart, definitely, but he admits that he also loves dumb jokes, so we don’t know how this could turn out. This could turn Twitter into the best version of itself or he could just rename tweets ‘farts’ and retweets ‘refart.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Are You Still Suing? Edition)“But one of the American companies that has suspended service in Russia is Netflix, which has made subscribers in Russia so mad, they’re suing Netflix. They want 60 million rubles in compensation, which is about 80 bucks, I think, right?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Now, Russian Netflix subscribers launched a class-action lawsuit for loss of service. Then, after a few hours, a screen popped up saying ‘Are you still suing?’ and you had to click ‘yes.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“How great would it be if this war ends because Russians didn’t get to watch ‘Is It Cake?’ on time?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s not just the viewers who are mad, because Netflix also halted the development and acquisition of all Russian-made TV shows and films. That is rough news for anyone — sure, it’s the right thing to do. But it’s rough news for anyone excited about the new season of ‘Bridgertato.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingMichelle Yeoh visited “Desus & Mero” to talk about her role in the hit film, “Everything Everywhere All At Once.”Also, Check This OutMads Mikkelsen in “Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore.”Warner Bros.Mads Mikkelsen plays an evil wizard with political talent in the latest “Harry Potter” spinoff movie, “Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore.” More