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      Late Night Teases Rudy Giuliani About Seized Devices

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      Prosecutors recovered 18 devices during their current investigation into Trump’s former lawyer. “Eighteen devices? Man, that’s a lot of porn,” Stephen Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Left to His Own DevicesFederal prosecutors recovered 18 electronic devices from Rudy Giuliani during their investigation into his lobbying Ukraine for dirt on Joe Biden ahead of the 2020 election.“Eighteen devices? Man, that’s a lot of porn,” Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”“Always a good sign when you have three phones.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But this week, Rudy generously offered to assist the feds in finding reasons to charge him when he helped investigators unlock several electronic devices by providing a list of possible passwords. It’s a real bad sign when you have to carry around a piece of paper with a list of possible passwords.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He gave them a list of possible passwords to two other devices they seized, and even let investigators look inside the coffin he sleeps in during daylight hours.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m happy to say ‘The Late Show’ has acquired a copy of the list. There’s ‘L3akyheadjuice21,’ ‘seckswithcousin69,’ and ‘4SeasonsTotalManscaping.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Smile, You’re Not on Camera Edition)“And there is some good news: The Brooklyn subway shooting suspect has been arrested. That’s nice. That’s fast. The suspect’s name is Frank R. James. Authorities know this because a credit card with Mr. James’s name on it had been found at the scene of the shooting, as had a key to a van Mr. James had rented. He also left a cheek swab, a filled-out tax return and his SoulCycle emergency contact. Very generous of him.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One of the unusual facts about this shooter is that he is 62 years old, which means technically he wasn’t on the run — he was on the mall walk.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s fortunate that James left behind plenty of evidence, because none of the station’s security cameras were in full operation at the time of the shooting. Well, that’s what the M.T.A. gets for hiring the same guy who did the cameras in Jeffrey Epstein’s cell.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Really? really? Out of 10,000 cameras in the subway system the only three that weren’t working are the ones that could have helped? Really? That is a crazy stroke of bad luck if it were true.” — TREVOR NOAH“It does explain the new subway safety posters: ‘If you see something, that’s cool — we didn’t.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Let’s not get hung up on the details. The important thing is that those cameras cost New York taxpayers $800,000 each. Don’t forget that — that is all that matters.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingLouis Virtel, a writer for “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” protested Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” law on his recurring segment, “Virtel It Like it Is.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Flight Attendant” star Rosie Perez will appear on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This Out“The worst nightmare is, do you wake up one day and you’re not funny anymore?” Billy Crystal, 74, said of the anxiety that comes with being an aging comedian. “Do you wake up and you’re not relevant?”Philip Montgomery for The New York TimesBilly Crystal is returning to Broadway in “Mr. Saturday Night,” a musical version of his 1992 movie about an aging performer who won’t accept that his time in the spotlight is up. More

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      Stephen Colbert Scoffs at John Eastman’s Obsession With the Election

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      “Our ex-president isn’t allowed a do-over just because he didn’t like the result the first time. That’s how you get an Eric,” Colbert joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Can’t Stop, Won’t StopJohn Eastman, a former legal adviser to Donald Trump, has continued pushing to decertify the 2020 election, as recently as March.“That’s right, the election that’s been over for a year and a half, and that Biden won,” Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday. “To put that into perspective, when the election was decided, J. Lo was engaged to a different guy,” Stephen Colbert said.“Here’s what happened: About three weeks ago, Eastman took a trip to Wisconsin and urged Republican Wisconsin Assembly speaker Robin Vos to nullify the 2020 election — specifically, to start ‘reclaiming the electors’ and move forward with either having a new slate of electors seated that would declare someone else the winner, or a ‘do over. ‘A ‘do over’? Our ex-president isn’t allowed a do over just because he didn’t like the result the first time. That’s how you get an Eric.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One problem with Eastman’s plan — all of it. He’s trying to re-litigate the 2020 election, which legal experts say is impossible. Only if you don’t believe in yourself — that’s why I’ll never throw away my Mondale ’84 signs.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Spirit of the Times Edition)“Well somehow, Spirit Halloween has inspired a movie. Strike Back Studios and Hideout Pictures are teaming up to make a Spirit Halloween film. Two companies thought this was a good idea. Maybe they figure if they go broke, they can turn their offices into Spirit Halloween stores, I don’t know.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The movie is about how, a month earlier, this movie was a Lady Foot Locker.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I don’t get — why not a movie about the 99-cent store? Spirit Halloween isn’t even a real store — it’s a parasite that feeds off the bodies of dead stores.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingRoy Wood Jr. investigates the history of Black classical musicians for his regular “Daily Show” segment, “CP Time.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe comedian Jerrod Carmichael will talk with Trevor Noah about his new HBO special, “Rothaniel,” on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutMichael Tran/Agence France-Presse — Getty ImagesLaurence Fishburne’s must-haves include a chef’s knife, trampolines and crystals. More

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      Stephen Colbert Laughs Off Trump’s Shilling for Dr. Oz

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      “Come on, he’s a con man. And so is Dr. Oz,” Colbert joked of the former president.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Con Men ClubOver the weekend, former President Donald Trump endorsed Dr. Mehmet Oz in the Pennsylvania Senate race.“Come on, he’s a con man. And so is Dr. Oz,” Stephen Colbert joked.“Now, I’d like to list all the scams Dr. Oz has tried to foist on his audience, but we only have an hour show.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Among the many snake oil supplements he has peddled are raspberry ketones for fat burning, lavender soap for leg cramps and strawberries for teeth whitening. None of these work, of course, but hey, there is one simple trick to make you healthier: Take two household bananas, then jam one in each ear until you can’t hear Dr. Oz anymore. You’ll be fine, or you’ll be better!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Aw, grandpa thinks his TV friends are his real friends. [imitating Trump] ‘You know who should be attorney general? That nice lady from “Murder, She Wrote.” She solved all of the murders in Cabot Cove. Also, when are they going to make Pat Sajak secretary of transportation? He knows wheels!’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pumpkin Crown Father Edition)“CNN got their hands on text messages between Don Jr. and Trump’s chief of staff, Mark Meadows, on Nov. 5, 2020. D.J.T.J. sent Meadows a number of ideas of how to ‘win’ the election they lost. He said, ‘We have multiple paths. We control them all.’ Junior would have texted his dad directly, but apparently Trump didn’t add him to the family plan.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Listen, if you’re gonna text your plans to overthrow an election, at least disguise it with emojis: ‘I got an idea: ballot box, trash can, American flag, poop emoji, pumpkin, crown, father.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Junior was so confident in the plan that he was concerned that not everyone was looped in, texting, ‘This is what we need to do. Please read it and please get it to everyone that needs to see it.’ Oh, I’m pretty sure the F.B.I. has seen it.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingBen Stiller, the director of “Severance,” sat down with Trevor Noah on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightGillian Anderson will talk about playing Eleanor Roosevelt in “The First Lady” on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This Out“Ava is controlled chaos,” Janelle James said of her character on “Abbott Elementary,” a mockumentary-style sitcom on ABC praised for both its humor and its poignancy.Kendall Bessent for The New York TimesJanelle James, the breakout star of “Abbott Elementary,” loves playing a hilariously terrible elementary school principal. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Trips Out Over Mushrooms Talking to Each Other

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      “Anyone speak shiitake?” Kimmel joked of new research suggesting that fungi communicate.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Sounds Like a ‘Fungi’A researcher in England recently discovered that mushrooms and other fungi communicate similarly to humans.“When they prodded them with electrodes, they exhibited spikes of cognitive activity that resembled vocabularies of around 50 words — like an Eric Trump-level vocabulary,” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Wednesday.“Anyone speak shiitake?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They were able to determine that mushrooms say, ‘Hello,’ “Goodbye’ and ‘For the love of God, please stop eating us to get high.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Ironically, you know who would find this story most interesting is people on mushrooms, right? Isn’t that crazy? A mushroom might actually be a ‘fungi.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Who’s Got Spirit? Edition)“Spirit Airlines may have a new owner soon. Back in February, Spirit announced plans to merge with Frontier Airlines, but yesterday, JetBlue swooped in with a better offer. JetBlue wants to buy Spirit for $3.6 billion, plus $55 extra for carry-on luggage.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Don’t worry, it’ll still be the same Spirit Airlines, except now every seat will have a TV that doesn’t work and a bag of blue chips.” — JIMMY FALLON“The JetBlue C.E.O. said, ‘Customers shouldn’t have to choose between a low fare and a great experience, and JetBlue has shown it’s possible to have both.’ And Spirit Airlines has shown that it’s not.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Spirit, in real estate terms, is what you’d call a ‘fixer-upper.’ This would be a clash in cultures for sure. Spirit is a budget airline, no frills. Ever fly Spirit? And then JetBlue offers things like free Wi-Fi, snacks, drinks — they have a real bathroom instead of a bucket that everyone passes around.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If there’s no Spirit anymore, who are we going to make fun of? Look out, Allegiant, you’re on deck.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth Watching“Carpool Karaoke” returned from a two-year hiatus with Nicki Minaj joining James Corden on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightPete Holmes, star of the new CBS show “How We Roll,” will pop by Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutChantal Anderson for The New York TimesThe actress Anya Taylor-Joy shared the beauty and wellness rituals she enjoys for comfort and self-soothing. More

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      Stephen Colbert Condemns Trump’s Digging for Dirt During a War

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      “It’s generally frowned upon for U.S. presidents, current or former, to solicit our murderous mortal enemies for dirt on their political rivals,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Poor Sense of TimingIn a new interview with a right-wing news outlet this week, former President Donald Trump called on Vladimir Putin to release damaging information on the Bidens.Late-night hosts questioned his timing.“Damn, he’s asking for Russian help through the TV again? Does this man have no shame?” Stephen Colbert said. “And I withdraw the question.”“It’s generally frowned upon for U.S. presidents, current or former, to solicit our murderous, mortal enemies for dirt on their political rivals.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, now he’s asking Vladmir Putin to release dirt on the Bidens in the middle of a war. He wants our enemy to dig up damaging information about our president while he is attacking Ukraine — and he doesn’t see anything wrong with this. The whole free world is trying to stop Putin, Trump’s like, ‘Hey, got anything on the president’s crackhead son I can use? I’d really appreciate it.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“As usual, his timing is impeccable. He reminded the world that Putin is his buddy at the exact moment that everyone realizes that his buddy is actual Hitler. This is worse than last year, when Jell-O re-signed Bill Cosby to announce their new flavor, ‘Out on a Technicality Orange.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (G.O.P. After Dark Edition)“Speaking of right-wing weirdos, there’s some splashback to the story from North Carolina congressman and haunted jack-in-the-box, Madison Cawthorn. Recently, Cawthorn made some extraordinary claims that his Republican colleagues in Congress are orgy-frequenting degenerates with a fondness for hard drugs. Given the average age of the G.O.P., I assume they’re snorting Boniva.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Come on, man, do you really expect us to believe that Congress could plan and execute an orgy? At best, I can see them announcing an exploratory committee that would begin to investigate the feasibility of an orgy at a later date.”— SETH MEYERS“House G.O.P. leader Kevin McCarthy called Cawthorn into his office today, maybe hoping to score an invite or to tell him to stop narcing.” — SETH MEYERS“Rep. Dan Crenshaw of Texas said, ‘It does paint the picture here that isn’t accurate.’ Thank god, because that picture is too awful to be real. I’ve interviewed 80 members of Congress, and I’d have sex with two and a half of them. Not at the same time, of course — I’m not in the G.O.P.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This whole group of pro-Trump toadies is just so weird and loathsome, like Texas Senator Ted Cruz, for example, who, I’m gonna go out on a limb here, wasn’t invited to the orgy.” — SETH MEYERS“Oh, please don’t name names, because all those names go with faces we know.” — SETH MEYERS“Also, I got to say, if they were having orgies and doing cocaine, I would actually find that impressive. I mean, they’re all 70 and 80 years old. If you told me Chuck Grassley was snorting blow and boning nonstop, I’d be like, ‘Damn, maybe he’s more with it than I thought.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingA 72-year-old grandmother from the Bronx twerked for Jimmy Fallon on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe creator and star of “Starstruck,” Rose Matafeo, will sit down with Seth Meyers on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutThe author Casey McQuiston.Tonje Thilesen for The New York TimesAfter years of being relegated to back shelves, sales of L.G.B.T.Q. romance novels from authors like Casey McQuiston are booming. More

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      Late Night Has Fun With Trump’s Missing Phone Records

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      “The only time there should be a seven-hour gap is when you’re trying to remember what happened on St. Patrick’s Day,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Scam Likely’The House committee investigating the events of Jan. 6, 2021, reported a seven-hour gap in President Donald J. Trump’s phone records, including the time of the Capitol riot.“Seven hours. I don’t know if anyone else is a fan of the show ‘Dateline,’ but if your phone records are missing even 10 minutes, you’re guilty,” Jimmy Fallon said.“I’m sure he was just busy volunteering somewhere, I mean, or maybe working on his watercolors, could be any of that.” — JAMES CORDEN“Even the ghost of Richard Nixon is like, ‘I don’t think you can do that.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The only time there should be a seven-hour gap is when you’re trying to remember what happened on St. Patrick’s Day.” — JIMMY FALLON“Instead, for all of those hours, all the White House phone records just say, ‘Scam likely.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is the thing with Trump — you never know. You never know if he’s more evil or lazy. He could have been plotting the overthrow of the government, or he could have been watching Fox News in the bath — you just don’t know!” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Burner Edition)“And now after making the discovery, the House committee is investigating whether Trump used burner phones. It’s always reassuring when a president acts like a character in ‘The Wire.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump denied it, saying, ‘I’ve never had a burner phone. I’ve had a couple of burner wives, but no burner phones.’” — JAMES CORDEN“So now the big question is, which White House toilet did he flush them down?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I wouldn’t be surprised. I mean, he already has a burner son.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJason Alexander starred in “Jeff Bezos: The Musical” on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightHasan Minhaj will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutDaddy Yankee helped take reggaeton worldwide. He has said his March album, “Legendaddy,” will be his last.Greg Doherty/Getty ImagesThe reggaeton star Daddy Yankee announced his retirement after dropping his last album, “Legendaddy.” More

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      Late Night Tackles the Will Smith ‘Hitch’ Slap

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      “It was so shocking,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “The only thing I can really compare it to is when Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ears.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Old ‘Hitch’ SlapLate night focused their Monday night monologues on Sunday’s big slap at the Oscars.“No one could have predicted that the most controversial movie of 2022 would be ‘G.I. Jane,’ but it was,” Jimmy Kimmel said.“The old ‘Hitch’ slap.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Obviously, Chris Rock did not deserve to be slapped in the face for a joke. Will’s point of view is he was defending his wife, and that’s a tough position to be in because it’s damned if you do, Ted Cruz if you don’t.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“To me, there’s only one more step to make this right: the Comedy Central roast of Will Smith, hosted by Chris Rock.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I hope they at least get together and have a ‘Red Table Talk’ or something, because it’s a bummer.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Let me say something as an objective observer: It’s never OK to punch a comedian.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’ve got to say, Will Smith was offended by the joke and wanted to stand up to his wife. Fine. Challenge Chris to a duel or, if you really want to hit him, don’t laugh. It hurts more than a punch, I promise you.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And by the way, no one did anything. A whole roomful of people, no one lifted a finger. Spider-Man was there, Aquaman was there, Catwoman, all sitting on their hands. No one helped Chris Rock.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“We will never stop talking about this. It was so shocking. The only thing I can really compare it to is when Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ears. Even Kanye was like, ‘You went onstage and did what at an awards show?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, in just a split second, the Oscars went from Oscar de la Renta to Oscar De La Hoya, you know?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (We Don’t Talk About Jada Edition)“The 94th Academy Awards were held last night and featured the first live performance of ‘We Don’t Talk About Bruno,’ from the Disney musical ‘Encanto,’ followed by an unbelievable live performance of ‘We Don’t Talk About Jada.’” — SETH MEYERS“That’s the worst thing Will Smith has ever done. Wait, I forgot about ‘Wild Wild West.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’m kidding, obviously. The worst thing he’s ever done is ‘Gemini Man.’ Someone should slap both of the guys in that movie.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Look, you move the award for best film editing out of the main broadcast and all hell breaks lose.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, you know it was a strange award show when it ends with a statement from the L.A.P.D., you know what I’m saying?” — JIMMY FALLON“This was the Hollywood version of your drunk uncle starting a fight, ruining the wedding and then standing up and giving a long toast to the bride and groom.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingQuestlove, the newly minted Oscar winner and Jimmy Fallon’s bandleader, appeared as a guest on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightHannah Gadsby will stop by Tuesday’s “Late Show” to talk about her new memoir, “Ten Steps to Nanette.”Also, Check This OutAriana DeBose became the first openly queer woman of color to win an Oscar for acting.Ruth Fremson/The New York TimesThe 2022 Oscars made history in more than one way during Sunday night’s show. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: Ted Cruz ‘Outslimed Himself’ This Week

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      Kimmel happily reported that the children’s book Cruz singled out to make a point about race at the Senate hearings for President Biden’s Supreme Court nominee this week became a No. 1 best seller.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Opposite of Oprah’s Book Club’In his Thursday night monologue, Jimmy Kimmel said Ted Cruz “even outslimed himself” at Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson’s Senate confirmation hearings this week.“On Tuesday, you know, he singled out this children’s book called ‘Anti-Racist Baby’ for promoting critical race theory, which it actually doesn’t. He said the book teaches that babies are born racist, which it also doesn’t. And, as a result of Ted’s tirade, that book is now number one on Amazon — it’s the number one seller. It’s like the opposite of Oprah’s Book Club or something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And not only is the book selling well, since Cruz’s little grandstand, Amazon is also seeing a spike in sales of psoriasis medication, wart remover, nose hair trimmers, male Spanx, slug repellent and mullet combs.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If you’re wondering what Ted Cruz was really focused on during the hearings, somebody got a shot of him on his phone searching for his own name on Twitter. How embarrassing. And can you imagine being Ted Cruz and still wanting to know what people were saying about you online?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Emergency Photo Op Edition)“The president is in Brussels right now for an emergency summit with our NATO allies. Together, the leaders of the G7 nations put out a forceful statement warning Russia not to use chemical or nuclear weapons on Ukraine, and also posed for a series of awkward photographs, starting with a group shot.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, it was an emergency summit, but don’t worry: NATO leaders still had time for a family photo.” — JIMMY FALLON“I don’t know, this seems unnecessary for an emergency meeting.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Looks like the sales team at a Honda dealership, doesn’t it? I’m expecting them to all say together, ‘We’re ready to serve you.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it’s a very diverse group. There are suits of every color.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, that’s either a NATO summit or a conference for ‘men who don’t know what to do with their arms’ photo.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Uncharted” co-stars Mark Wahlberg and Tom Holland popped by the bodega on Thursday’s “Desus & Mero.”Also, Check This OutFrom left: Ally Bonino, Phillipa Soo, Taub, Hannah Cruz and Nadia Dandashi in the musical “Suffs” at the Public Theater.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesShaina Taub’s musical “Suffs” explores women’s crusade for the vote through a movement often divided along generational, class and racial lines. More