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      Late Night Weighs In on Andrew Cuomo’s Resignation

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      “It’s gonna be tough for Cuomo. With a track record like this, his only future is either president or Supreme Court justice,” Jimmy Fallon joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Exiting the Governor’s MansionAndrew Cuomo’s resignation as New York’s governor was the talk of late night on Tuesday.“It’s gonna be tough for Cuomo,” Jimmy Fallon said. “With a track record like this, his only future is either president or Supreme Court justice.”“New York Governor Andrew Cuomo announced today that he will resign amid multiple allegations of sexual harassment. And this is, frankly, amazing — he made the announcement via book.” — SETH MEYERS“But during his remarks he said it was best that he step aside — and then every woman in the room took two steps aside.” — JIMMY FALLON“Don’t let the door hit you on the butt on the way out. But if it does, that door should also resign.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo announced today that he will resign amid multiple allegations of sexual harassment, so tune in to CNN tonight for, I don’t know, a rerun of ‘The History of the Sitcom.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Two Weeks’ Notice Edition)“For now, Cuomo’s still governor, because, for reasons I do not understand, Cuomo’s resignation will take effect in 14 days. Evidently, he gave himself two weeks’ notice.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’m sorry, is this really a two-week-notice type of situation?” — JIMMY FALLON“Cuomo’s replacement will be Lt. Gov. Kathy Hochul. And this is — yeah, this is strange. Right after she was announced as New York’s next governor, CNN offered a prime-time show to her sister.” — JIMMY FALLON“Hochul will be taking the seat vacated by Cuomo — hopefully, after putting a towel down first.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingMarlon Wayans, a “Tonight Show” guest, said he quit doing stand-up for 20 years after Chris Rock heckled him.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSarah Silverman will kick off a two-night stint as a guest host on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutJennifer Hudson, with Marc Maron, left, and Marlon Wayans, learned to play piano for “Respect.” Quantrell D. Colbert/MGMJennifer Hudson did a deep dive into her friend Aretha Franklin’s past to portray the Queen of Soul in “Respect.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Was Disinvited From Obama’s Birthday Party

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      “In the massive scaling back, I got massively scaled,” Colbert said of being cut from the former president’s guest list because of coronavirus concerns.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Access RevokedStephen Colbert opened “The Late Show” on Monday with a story of “being disinvited from the cool kid’s party” that was former President Barack Obama’s 60th birthday on Martha’s Vineyard over the weekend.“Here’s the thing — a hot ticket is what it was, but given the whole pandemic thing and the Delta variant, a celebrity mosh pit was maybe not the wisest choice, so Obama decided to scale back the guest list for his party,” Colbert explained.Colbert said there were reports claiming that fellow late-night hosts Conan O’Brien and David Letterman, Colbert’s predecessor, had been axed from the guest list, but that he made the cut.“Yeah, I mean, it makes sense — I am known to fill in when Letterman drops out of something.” — STEPHEN COLBERTColbert clarified that while he had planned to attend the party, “In the massive scaling back, I got massively scaled.”“By the way, Mr. Former President, my own 60th birthday is coming up in three years, and you, sir, are not … going to want to miss it. Please come. I’d be so honored if you came. I’ll scale me back to make room for you — and Michelle, obviously.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tokyo 2021 Edition)“The 2020 Tokyo Olympics ended yesterday, and the U.S. athletes brought home 39 gold medals, 41 silvers, 33 bronze and four new variants.” — SETH MEYERS“Well, last night was the closing ceremony for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics which, because of Covid, were actually held in 2021, which means it’s only three more years until the 2024 Olympics are postponed to 2027.” — SETH MEYERS“I hope you enjoyed them, because with global warming, even the Winter Olympics will soon be the Summer Olympics.” — DAVID SPADE, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“But it was a magical two weeks. Night after night, Americans gathered around the TV to see the events where we already saw who won on Twitter.” — JIMMY FALLON“Now that the Games are done, the only place for an athlete to get herpes in a foreign country is on ‘Bachelor in Paradise.’” — DAVID SPADE“Now if you want to witness physical excellence, you’ll have to watch a flight attendant duct tape a drunk guy to his seat.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingDavid Spade poked fun at Monday night’s finale of “The Bachelorette” while guest hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightBarbra Streisand will pop by “The Tonight Show” on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutKelia Anne MacCluskeyOn this week’s Popcast, The New York Times’s pop music team discusses the musical and personal evolution of the Grammy-winning chart-topper Billie Eilish. More

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      Seth Meyers Demands His Own Ben & Jerry’s Flavor

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      If Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon can be on ice cream containers, why not the “Late Night” host?Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More

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      Stephen Colbert Agrees With Mitch McConnell

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      Colbert applauded the Senate minority leader for finally encouraging Americans to get vaccinated against Covid-19.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Late to the PartyStephen Colbert on Wednesday chastised Republicans who are changing their tune on the Covid-19 vaccines, including Mitch McConnell, the Senate minority leader, who is finally urging Americans to get vaccinated amid the spread of the more contagious Delta variant of the coronavirus.“Wow. I’ve got to say — and I hope no one ever takes this out of context — I agree with Mitch McConnell,” Colbert said.“The rising cases are being fueled by vaccine hesitancy, which itself is being fueled by a dangerous pathogen scientists are calling the Republican Party.” — STEPHEN COLBERTRepresentative Steve Scalise, Republican of Louisiana, also encouraged skeptics to get the shots after receiving his first dose this week, saying, “I’ve been vaccinated, many of my colleagues have been vaccinated, and the vaccine is safe, effective, and it’s widely available.”“Yeah, Steve, we know. We all got it months ago.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Steve Scalise is like the guy who just now found out about ‘Bridgerton’: [imitating Scalise] ‘You guys, it’s like Jane Austen, but with high, tight man butt. That Shonda Rimes has got a real future.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But Scalise seems to want it both ways, because he then criticized public health outreach, saying, ‘You’re seeing some people try to bully people into doing things instead of just encouraging them.’ OK, that’s a good point. Invite people in, entice them, don’t call them out. So tonight, we at ‘The Late Show’ have updated our prize for any unvaccinated Americans who go get the shot. You will now win a lifetime supply of ‘life’ and ‘time.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Inoculations have slowed dramatically, and less than half of the total U.S. population is fully vaccinated. So if you think of it like a pie, about half of the pie would be vaccinated while the other half wouldn’t be able to taste the pie because they have Covid.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bucking Tradition Edition)“Hey, I want to say congrats to the Milwaukee Bucks for winning their first N.B.A. championship in 50 years. Fifty years. That’s right, they beat the Phoenix Suns, 105-98. But of course, Arizona has demanded a recount.” — JIMMY FALLON“The game was such a disaster for the Suns, Chris Paul had to file a claim with State Farm to cover his losses.” — ANTHONY ANDERSON, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” referring to the Suns point guard“The finals’ M.V.P. was Giannis Antetokounmpo, who’s from Greece. Yep, a Greek N.B.A. superstar. He could be the first person to star in ‘Space Jam’ and ‘Mamma Mia.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingAnthony Anderson, the guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” sent cameras to Hollywood Boulevard to find someone who could spell “Giannis Antetokounmpo.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightHannah Einbinder, star of the HBO Max series “Hacks,” will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This Out“The Daily Show” became more politically oriented when it was hosted by Jon Stewart, pictured with Senator Bob Dole in 1999, the year Stewart took over from Craig Kilborn. Comedy CentralMadeleine Smithberg and Lizz Winstead, the creators of “The Daily Show,” look back as it turns 25 years old on Thursday. More

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      Late Night Sends Up ‘Space Cowboy’ Jeff Bezos

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      Stephen Colbert joked that the Amazon billionaire came back from space “extra divorced.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘A Mash-Up Between Buzz Lightyear and Woody’Late-night hosts had fun with the Amazon founder Jeff Bezos’s brief trip to space on Tuesday. Stephen Colbert welcomed his audience by saying, “So happy you could all join us tonight for a momentous day in the history of some people having way too much money.”Colbert noted that, despite the amount of coverage devoted to the event, it wasn’t all that newsworthy.“Here’s how I know it’s not important — I hosted the last one of these, OK? For Branson,” Colbert said, referring to the billionaire entrepreneur Richard Branson, who took his own trip to the edge of space last week. “Lot of fun, but talk show hosts don’t anchor historic events — except, of course, when Arsenio Hall interviewed the Berlin Wall.”The hosts couldn’t resist talking about what Bezos was wearing when he returned — a cowboy hat.“I guess space turns you into Kenny Chesney.” — JIMMY FALLON“You know you’re rich when you put that on and everyone who works for you goes, ‘Oh, it looks great, yeah. You’re a man of the people, just going to space.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He looks like a mash-up between Buzz Lightyear and Woody.” — JIMMY FALLON“He got the spacesuit and cowboy hat together by searching for the midlife crisis bundle: ‘Is a soul patch too much?’” — JIMMY FALLON“A cowboy hat? So he went into space and somehow became extra divorced.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Jeff’s Rocket Edition)“Today millions of people all over the world looked up and said, ‘Wow, that thing sure looks like a penis.’” — ANTHONY ANDERSON, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“I guess it’s true what they say, billionaires and their rockets end up looking just like each other.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s the only rocket that shrinks in the cold.” — JIMMY FALLON“They designed it at the Johnson Space Center.” — TARIQ TROTTER of The Roots, the house band on “The Tonight Show”“It looks like R2-D2 took some Viagra.”— JIMMY FALLON“They don’t keep it in a hangar, they keep it in the top drawer of a bedside table.” — TARIQ TROTTER“Next stop, the ‘O’ zone.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s not that hard to get to space.” — TARIQ TROTTERThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon challenged the Jonas Brothers to “Sing It Like,” with Nick Jonas having to perform Olivia Rodrigo’s “Good 4 U” like he just had his tongue pierced.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightLorde will go day drinking with Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This Out“I’m writing this not as the prince I was born but as the man I have become,” Prince Harry said in a statement accompanying the book’s announcement.Pool photo by Yui MokPenguin Random House promises Prince Harry’s forthcoming memoir will be “an intimate and heartfelt memoir from one of the most fascinating and influential global figures of our time.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Tackles Books About Trump’s Time in Office

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      Tell-alls about the Trump presidency include “Landslide,” “Betrayal” and “Nightmare Scenario,” “which is also how the former president describes having to read a book,” Colbert joked on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Good Reads“We’re learning a lot of new details about the last days in office of former president, the Turd Reich,” Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday of Donald J. Trump. Those books have names like “Landslide,” “Betrayal” and “Nightmare Scenario,” which Colbert said was “also how the former president describes having to read a book.”“Other new books are using titles that are actually quotes of his, like ‘I Alone Can Fix It,’ and ‘Frankly, We Did Win This Election.’ Those, of course, join the ranks of other great titles, like ‘People Are Flushing Toilets 10 Times, 15 Times,’ ‘The Kidney Has a Very Special Place in the Heart,’ ‘Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV: The Book,’ and, of course, ‘In Europe, They Live, Their Forest Cities. They Are Called Forest Cities, They Maintain Their Forests, They Manage Their Forests. I Was With the Head of a Major Country — It’s a Forest City.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The big bombshell from these books is an account of the infamous moment during the D.C. Black Lives Matter protest when the big strong law and order president hid in an underground bunker. The ex-president was so embarrassed when his little hidy-hole adventure was leaked that he reportedly said, ‘Whoever did that, they should be charged with treason,’ adding, ‘They should be executed.’ Careful, sir, if you start executing people for leaking, you’ll have to find a new lawyer.” — STEPHEN COLBERTTonight’s Monologue: Trump says whoever ‘leaked’ info on his White House bunker stay should be ‘executed,’ the Olympics’ new weird medal rule, and Biden’s “red phone” with China. #FallonMono #FallonTonight pic.twitter.com/hm3CYZwVps— The Tonight Show (@FallonTonight) July 15, 2021
      “In Trump’s defense, he didn’t want to stay in that bunker, but once he went down all those stairs, there’s no way he’s going back up.” — JIMMY FALLON“Speaking of Trump, a new book just came out that describes ‘anarchy and chaos’ in the final days of his administration. Yeah, the final days were ‘anarchy and chaos,’ as opposed to the early days of Omarosa and Scaramucci that were a well-oiled machine, I guess.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Good 4 You’ Edition)“Pop star Olivia Rodrigo met with President Biden and Dr. Anthony Fauci today to discuss coronavirus vaccine outreach. That story, again: America’s No. 1 teen idol met with Joe Biden and Olivia Rodrigo.” — SETH MEYERS“Vaccination rates are especially low among the younglings, so today pop star Olivia Rodrigo went to the White House to promote vaccines. Rodrigo told everyone who has already been vaxxed, ‘Good for you, you look happy and healthy.’ If you didn’t get that reference, I’m guessing you’ve been eligible for a vaccine since December.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“There she is about to enter the same door used by historical figures like James Monroe, Abraham Lincoln and Kid Rock.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian Phoebe Robinson, who was the guest host on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” surprised the Scripps National Spelling Bee champion Zaila Avant-garde with an appearance from Bill Murray.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightLorde will perform her new single, “Solar Power,” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutIn “Ted Lasso,” Jason Sudeikis plays a character he helped create in 2013 for NBC Sports promos. “It was like, What about just playing a good guy?” he said.Daniel Dorsa for The New York TimesJason Sudeikis and the creative team behind the Apple TV+ show, “Ted Lasso,” which returns for a second season on July 23, talk about its surprise success. More

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      Late-Night Hosts Rib Rudy Giuliani Over New Election Night Reports

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      “It’s an age-old strategy: After a devastating loss, just say you won,” Stephen Colbert joked of Giuliani on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Liquid EncouragementNew reports about former President Donald Trump’s last year in office allege that Rudy Giuliani, his personal lawyer, engaged in some bad behavior on election night.“According to one new book, at the White House election night party, some people thought Rudy Giuliani may have been drinking too much. The other people were Rudy Giuliani,” Stephen Colbert joked on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”“That’s right, Rudy was in rough shape on election night. He was slurring, sweating, confused — then he started drinking.” — JIMMY FALLON“Reportedly, drunk Rudy asked, ‘What’s happening in Michigan?’ and they said it was too early to tell. ‘Just say we won,’ Giuliani told them, saying the same thing in Pennsylvania: ‘Just say we won Pennsylvania!’ God, Rudy must have been an annoying kid. You’re playing tag, you get him on the shoulder, but instead of just admitting it, he says ‘Nuh uh!’ at a press conference next to a dildo store.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, and if that didn’t work, Rudy’s other plan was for Trump to legally change his name to Joe Biden.” — JIMMY FALLON“Campaign officials shot the idea down, but after Fox News called Arizona for Biden on election night, Giuliani advised the former president, ‘Just go declare victory right now. You’ve got to go declare victory now.’ It’s an age-old strategy: After a devastating loss, just say you won.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Vaccination Frustration Edition)“The Biden administration has reportedly run out of ideas to encourage more people to get the coronavirus vaccine. Luckily, the virus is coming up with new ideas all the time.” — SETH MEYERS“I’m vaccinated. It’s Johnson & Johnson, though. Aw, my bad. Johnson & Johnson — I thought it was like a small Black business. I don’t know no white folks named Johnson.” — ARSENIO HALL, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“I saw that tomorrow, Olivia Rodrigo is going to the White House. She’s going to team up with President Biden and Dr. Fauci to make videos about getting vaccinated. When his staff suggested bringing in popular musical artists, Biden was like, ‘Great idea. How about Glenn Miller or the Andrews Sisters?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingAmy Poehler joined Seth Meyers on “Late Night” for a new edition of “Really!?!” devoted to billionaires in space.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe comedian Phoebe Robinson is the guest host on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutMj Rodriguez, center, received an Emmy nomination for best lead actress in a drama for her work on the FX show “Pose.”Eric Liebowitz/FXThis year’s Emmy nominations include several firsts, including “Pose” star Mj Rodriguez as the first trans performer to be nominated in a leading acting category. More

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      Late Night Has Plenty of Virgin Jokes

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      Richard Branson’s spaceflight with his company Virgin Galactic was the talk of late night on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Taking Up SpaceLate-night hosts couldn’t resist poking fun at Richard Branson’s trek into space over the weekend with his company Virgin Galactic, the first in a series of planned trips by billionaire entrepreneurs.“You know these are crazy times when it’s safer flying to space than going on a Carnival Cruise, don’t you think?” Jimmy Fallon joked in his monologue on Monday.“That’s right, Virgin Galactic made history by launching the first goatee into space.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, Branson went with two pilots and three of his employees. So if you think it’s awkward riding an elevator with your boss, try going to space.” — JIMMY FALLON“Actually, I got a little choked up watching Branson’s flight. It always warms my heart to see billionaires achieve their dreams.” — JIMMY FALLON“I was happy for him, though. Normally when a billionaire flies away faster than the speed of sound, it’s because they just got linked to Jeffrey Epstein.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, Branson beat Jeff Bezos to space. That’s why Branson got home and found a little flaming Amazon package on his front porch.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Virgin Jokes Edition)“The Virgin flight took about an hour, which is the first time any virgin has ever done anything in an hour.” — ARSENIO HALL, guest host on “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“Branson’s trip to space only lasted about four minutes, which is honestly pretty good for a virgin.” — JIMMY FALLON“Now, technically — technically — Branson’s flight reached the edge of space, and the Virgin Galactic crew experienced only four minutes of weightlessness. He barely went in and lasted only a few minutes? Well, that is a virgin.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, the flight went more than 50 miles high to the edge of space. Southwest heard and was like, ‘Big deal. We did that last week when one of our pilots fell asleep.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Eighty kilometers? That’s not even worth mentioning at a party.” — SETH MEYERS“Just ’cause you touched net doesn’t mean you can say you dunked. Branson’s like one of those guys who say, ‘Yeah, I’ve been to Texas’ and then you find out he changed planes once at Dallas-Fort Worth.” — SETH MEYERS“Call me when you’ve reached the moon, Richard. Surprised he didn’t call me yesterday — he’s probably got cell service up there.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers’s “Closer Look” delved into some of the more notable moments from the Conservative Political Action Conference over the weekend.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightRichard Branson, just back from space, will check in with Stephen Colbert on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutFrom left, Murray Bartlett, Jolene Purdy, Natasha Rothwell, Christie Volkmer and Lukas Gage in “The White Lotus.” The series focuses on the interactions between guests and staff members at a luxury resort.Mario Perez/HBOHBO’s new series “The White Lotus” is a perfectly timed satire of privilege from Mike White, the writer behind the short-lived but beloved show “Enlightened.” More