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      Late Night Speculates About Mitch McConnell’s Next Career Move

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      The senator is giving up his G.O.P. leadership post. “McConnell just turned 82, so that can only mean one thing: He’s running for president,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Leaving So Soon?On Wednesday, Mitch McConnell of Kentucky said he would step down this year from his long-held position as leader of the Senate Republicans.“McConnell just turned 82, so that can only mean one thing: He’s running for president,” said Jimmy Fallon.“McConnell said that it’s time for the next generation of leadership. Then he looked around the Senate and realized the next generation is 75.” — JIMMY FALLON“Well, thanks to the woke left, another Confederate statue has been taken down.” — SETH MEYERS“He’s not stepping down till November because, at 82, that’s how long it takes him to step.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He will be retiring to the Galápagos Islands to spend more time with the other 500-year-old turtles.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Low-Rent Wonka Edition)“Last weekend in Glasgow, a Willy Wonka-inspired experience was brought to a halt following complaints it was ‘an absolute shambles of an event’ after families traveled from all over, paying $40 a ticket for an ‘exhilarating and immersive adventure’ called Willy’s Chocolate Experience. Still better than the English attraction: Spotted Dick’s Custard Explosion.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But when people showed up, they found something very different from what they found on the website. What they found was basically a big empty warehouse with vinyl backdrops tacked to the wall. They got to see Willy Wonka’s famous portable power generator, and they got to meet what appears to be a meth lab Oompa Loompa.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Parents were very upset. They called the police on the place. I have to say, though, honestly, I feel like the kids learned an important lesson about how disappointing the rest of their lives are going to be.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Look, I don’t know why everyone is so upset that the kids were traumatized. Have you seen the movie? Traumatizing kids is the authentic Wonka experience!” — MICHAEL KOSTA, guest host of “The Daily Show”The Bits Worth WatchingOn “Late Night,” Seth Meyers recapped his highly publicized ice cream shop visit with President Biden, in a segment Meyers referred to this time as “A Closer Lick.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightEugene Levy, who gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame next week, will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”Also, Check This OutRichard Lewis on “Curb Your Enthusiasm” this season.HBOIn one of his last interviews, the late Richard Lewis reminisced about the early days of “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” and about meeting Larry David when they were children at summer camp. More

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      Late Night Chides Biden for Talking About Gaza While Eating Ice Cream

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      “Not the most dignified way to deliver world-changing news,” Michael Kosta said on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.’Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Biden’s Big ScoopOn Monday, President Biden was asked about a timeline for a potential cease-fire in Gaza while visiting an ice cream shop for a “Late Night with Seth Meyers” segment.On Tuesday, the “Daily Show” host Michael Kosta said Biden had delivered his response “in the most Joe Biden way possible” — that is, while eating an ice cream cone.“Not the most dignified way to deliver world-changing news. It does remind me of the photo of Obama’s team watching the bin Laden raid while making balloon animals.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“This was like when Obama announced ‘We got bin Laden’ just as someone put out the pie.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s a very statesmanlike response, and a reason to kindle hope, if he hadn’t said it directly into a scoop of mint chip.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’ll tell you what, if I was a politician, I would always have an ice cream with me, just to cram in my mouth in case I got asked about Israel-Palestine.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Now, despite Biden’s prediction, both Hamas and Israel say they’re not actually close to a cease-fire. But I’m not surprised that Biden was so optimistic: When you’re holding a freshly scooped ice cream cone, everything feels like it’s going to be OK. That’s why it’s the official food of telling your kid you’re getting a divorce.” — MICHAEL KOSTAThe Punchiest Punchlines (Biden and Trump Take Mexico Edition)“Biden and Trump are scheduled to visit the border in Texas on Thursday. Both of them. They will both be at the border. And if they can get two more senior citizens to go with them, they’ve got themselves a pickleball match.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Former President Trump is set on Thursday to visit the U.S.-Mexico border. I’m guessing to make a break for it?” — SETH MEYERS“If you think these two guys are confused now, wait till they spend a few hours in 100-degree heat.” — JIMMY FALLON“The president is going to see what can be done to solve the border crisis. Trump is going to make sure he doesn’t solve what’s happening at the border. Biden is planning to meet with U.S. border agents, while Trump is planning to sell golden high-tops on the streets of Juárez.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJosh Brolin took over Stephen Colbert’s desk on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSheryl Crow will perform on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutOlivia Rodrigo onstage in California on Friday night.OK McCausland for The New York TimesFor her Guts World Tour, Olivia Rodrigo’s opening acts will range from the rising star Chappell Roan to the Gen-X rockers the Breeders. More

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      Jon Stewart Takes on ‘Something Light’: Israel and Gaza

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      After two “very controversial” appearances behind the “Daily Show” desk, Stewart decided to dial it down a bit for his third.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Something LightFor his third time back behind the desk of “The Daily Show,” Jon Stewart said things would be different from the first two, which he said had been “very controversial.”“A lot of discourse around it. A lot of carping back and forth. A lot of anger. A lot of commentary,” Stewart said. “Tonight, I’m done with it. Tonight is perhaps an amuse-bouche. A trifle. Something light!” That turned out to be the war in Gaza.After a “Middle East Conflict Disclaimer Cam” advised viewers that the following discussion was “not meant to endorse or justify either side,” Stewart dove in — calling out Israel for killing civilians, Hamas for calling for Israel’s annihilation, and the United States and the rest of the world for not stopping the suffering. He also floated a few peace proposals of his own.“Look, the United States is Israel’s closest ally. Israel’s big brother in the fraternity of nations. Israel’s work emergency contact. Maybe it’s time for the U.S. to give Israel some tough moral love.” — JON STEWART“‘Hey, Israel, take it down a notch. Could you please be more careful with your bombing?’ is good advice. But really, couldn’t the United States have told Israel that when we gave them all the bombs? They’re our bombs! This is like your coke dealer coming over with an eight ball and going, ‘Don’t stay up all night.’” — JON STEWART“Let’s just ask God. It’s his house! He’s the one who started all this! Just ask God. He can tell us who is right! Is it the Jews? Is it the Muslims? Is it the Zoroastrians? If it’s the Scientologists, a lot of us are going to have egg on our faces.” — JON STEWART“I actually think this last one could work. Starting now: no preconditions, no earned trust, no partners for peace. Israel stops bombing. Hamas releases the hostages. The Arab countries who claim Palestine is their top priority come in and form a Demilitarized Zone between Israel and a free Palestinian state. The Saudis, Egypt, U.A.E., Qatar, Jordan — they all form like a NATO arrangement guaranteeing security for both sides. Obviously, they won’t call it NATO — it’s the Middle East Treaty Organization. It’s METO.” — JON STEWARTThe Punchiest Punchlines (In It to Win It Edition)“This weekend, former President Trump won the Republican primary by 20 points in Nikki Haley’s home state of South Carolina. But Haley is still refusing to drop out of the race. Say what you want about her, but she’s really earning that participation trophy.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, Trump won South Carolina by 20 points. They like him down there. He looks like a guy who fell asleep on Myrtle Beach, doesn’t he?” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump actually had two versions of his speech — a victory speech in case he won, and a victory speech in case he lost.” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Recaps Trump’s Double-Trouble Trial Day

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      “The only way to follow all of the action was to have multiple TVs,” Stephen Colbert said. “That’s why I watched all the proceedings today at a Buffalo Wild Wings.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘An Insane Day for America’Former President Donald Trump had two simultaneous criminal trials on Thursday: one in New York regarding falsified business records and another in Georgia pertaining to election interference.Stephen Colbert called it “an insane day for America, because it’s a regular day for Donald Trump.” He reminded viewers that in addition to those two cases and a civil fraud trial, the former president was “also facing the Jan. 6 trial in Washington D.C., the classified documents case in Florida, Colorado trying to throw him off the ballot for insurrection, and his appeal of the verdict of the E. Jean Carroll defamation case, in which a jury has already found that Trump committed sexual assault.”He concluded, “And yet, despite all this, people want to hire this maniac to be president.”“I know how numb we’ve become, but it’s not normal. No other candidate for the presidency has ever had to pause his campaign to defend himself in multiple courts. And I’d like to point out that in all seven of his cases, no one — no one — doubts that he did these things. We’re just sitting around patiently waiting to find out if the wheels of justice will grind fast enough for there to be any consequences.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And the media is covering it like it’s any other political story, like it’s all horse race. But in this horse race, one of the horses is old, while one of the horses is old, has hoof-in-mouth disease, and keeps quoting horse Hitler.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This morning, Don Trump was back in the warm embrace of the American judicial system, the only place that truly loves and appreciates him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is his version of uniting the country: criminal trials in the North and the South.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump unsuccessfully tried to get his trial in New York dismissed today, while he is also trying to get the prosecutor in Georgia dismissed. It’s a regular Dismiss America pageant that he’s running.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s never good when you’re summoned to court and you’re, like, ‘I can’t, I have court.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump didn’t attend the Georgia hearing, and I get it — it’s so annoying getting invited to a destination trial.” — JIMMY FALLON“The only way to follow all of the action was to have multiple TVs. That’s why I watched all the proceedings today at a Buffalo Wild Wings.” — STEPHEN COLBERTWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: Tom Suozzi Has ‘Very Big Clown Shoes to Fill’

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      Kimmel joked that New York’s special House election results had to be verified “to make sure the winner wasn’t George Santos in disguise.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Anybody But SantosTom Suozzi, a Democrat, won a special election on Tuesday to fill the congressional seat previously occupied by George Santos. The victory shrank the Republicans’ thin majority in the House. Jimmy Kimmel congratulated Suozzi on his win on Wednesday, saying, “You have some very big clown shoes to fill.”“You guys remember George Santos? Congressman, alleged felon, Sephora platinum member, Nobel laureate, Olympic gold medalist, Clark Kent having allergic reaction and Super Bowl M.V.P.?” — SETH MEYERS“They actually had to wait to verify the election to make sure the winner wasn’t George Santos in disguise.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s weird when you know nothing about someone but still know they’re an improvement.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, Tom Suozzi is replacing George Santos, and just from looking at their resumes, the two of them are pretty different. For instance, under education, Suozzi put, ‘B.A. from Boston College.’ Santos put, ‘Ph.D. from Hogwarts.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Valentine’s Day Edition)“Today was Valentine’s Day, so I know what I’m getting tonight — eight hours of sleep.” — SETH MEYERS“As I’m sure you’re aware, it is Valentine’s Day. If you weren’t aware, probably why your wife’s been mad all day, not saying anything.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I want to extend a special welcome to those of you who are making love right now with the TV on. We see you.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, today is Valentine’s Day, and if you forgot, don’t worry, there’s a good chance President Biden did, too.” — JIMMY FALLON“Even Donald Trump posted a romantic message today. He wrote, ‘Biden is not too old, he’s too incompetent.’ As close as he gets to telling somebody he loves them.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump celebrated the day by writing a valentine to his wife Melania, and then having his campaign send a mass email blast with the subject line ‘I love you, Melania!’ [imitating Melania] ‘Unsubscribe.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Even just graphically, it looks like a ransom letter, which I guess is fitting, given Melania’s current situation.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And then there’s a little box where you can leave a message for Melania that says, ‘We want 100,000 responses now!’ And of course, a button to make a donation to St. Valen-crime’s legal defense fund. What a lovely and a romantic gesture.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Wednesday, Stephen Colbert was joined by his wife, Evie McGee Colbert, to present their new family cookbook, “Does This Taste Funny?”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe campy pop singer-songwriter Chappell Roan will perform on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutBeyoncé released two new songs from her upcoming country-rock album after the Super Bowl, diving deeper into a genre that has Black musicians at its roots. Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for The Recording AcademyBeyoncé’s new musical turn highlights the exclusion of Black artists in country music. More

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      Late Night Chides Donald Trump for His Pick for the R.N.C.

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      “Oh man, poor Eric,” Jimmy Kimmel said after Trump recommended that his son’s wife, Lara, be named co-chair of the Republican National Committee.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Best Trump for the JobIn a statement released on Monday, former President Donald Trump endorsed his daughter-in-law, Lara Trump, becoming co-chair of the Republican National Committee, saying, “Lara is an extremely talented communicator and is dedicated to all that MAGA stands for. She has told me she wants to accept this challenge and would be great.”“Oh man, poor Eric,” Jimmy Kimmel said about Trump’s son. “His wife got more compliments in one post than his father gave him in his entire life so far.”“You know what? His son-in-law totally fixed the Middle East. Why not let his daughter-in-law fix the Republican Party?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, that had to be an awkward phone call. It’s like, ‘[imitating Trump] Eric, I need a smart family member for this job — put your wife on the phone.’” — JIMMY FALLON“In the same statement, former President Trump said that his daughter-in-law Lara Trump should be the co-chair of the R.N.C. and that her husband Eric should be ‘ambassador to wherever’s farthest.’” — SETH MEYERS“They’re entrusting the party’s future to the wise judgment of someone who married Eric.” — JIMMY FALLON“When asked how he landed on Lara, Trump was like, ‘Ivanka said no.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I say, why stop with Lara? A future Trump administration could have Jared as chief of staff, Ivanka as ambassador to the U.N., and Don Jr. as the head of the D.E.A., the Drug Enjoyment Agency.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Super Numbers Edition)“According to the latest numbers, Sunday night’s Super Bowl surpassed the moon landing to become the most-watched U.S. broadcast of all time. And it can’t be a coincidence that the two biggest broadcasts of all time were faked by the C.I.A.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, 123.4 million people watched the Super Bowl, making it the most watched television broadcast ever. Yet another successful boycott by Trump supporters.” — SETH MEYERS“The game was watched by 123.4 million average viewers, and who knows how many really hot ones.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJordan Klepper spent time with supporters of former President Trump and the presidential hopeful Nikki Haley for Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe comedian and actor Fortune Feimster will appear on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutJeffrey Wright, center, with Sterling K. Brown, left, and Erika Alexander.Claire Folger/Orion PicturesThe veteran actor Jeffrey Wright finally gets his due with his starring role and Oscar-nominated performance in “American Fiction.” More

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      Jon Stewart Returns to Form on ‘The Daily Show’

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      Nearly nine years after signing off as host of the late night show, Stewart returned to his seat. “We’re going to have so much we are going to talk about this year,” he said Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Now, Where Was I?’Jon Stewart returned to “The Daily Show” on Monday, nearly nine years after he signed off as host.“Welcome to ‘The Daily Show.’ My name’s Jon Stewart,” said Stewart, who will host Monday nights for the foreseeable future. “Now where was I?”“Why am I back, you may be asking yourselves. It’s a very reasonable question. I have committed a lot of crimes. From what I understand, talk show hosts are granted immunity — it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but take it up with the founders.” — JON STEWART“We’re going to have so much we are going to talk about this year. Obviously, the elections, maybe we’ll talk about China, maybe we’ll talk about A.I., maybe something a little lighter, Israel-Palestine. Who knows?” — JON STEWARTStewart, who received a warm welcome from the studio audience, addressed the state of the presidential election, with a focus on differentiating between President Biden and former President Donald Trump, who both face questions about their age and ability to lead. The next nine months, Stewart said, “they’re going to suck.”“Look, Joe Biden isn’t Donald Trump. He hasn’t been indicted as many times, he hasn’t had as many fraudulent businesses or been convicted in a civil trial for sexual assault or been ordered to pay defamation, have his charities disbanded, or stiffed a [expletive] ton of blue-collar tradesmen he hired.” — JON STEWART“We are not suggesting neither man is vibrant, productive or even capable, but they are both stretching the limits of being able to handle the toughest job in the world. What’s crazy is thinking that we’re the ones, as voters, who must silence concerns and criticisms. It is the candidates’ job to assuage concerns, not the voters’ job not to mention them.” — JON STEWART“I’ve learned one thing over these last nine years, and I was glib at best and probably dismissive at worst about this: The work of making this world resemble one that you would prefer to live in is a lunch pail [expletive] job, day in and day out, where thousands of committed, anonymous, smart and dedicated people bang on closed doors and pick up those that are fallen and grind away on issues until they get a positive result, and even then, have to stay on to make sure that result holds. So, the good news is, I’m not saying you don’t have to worry about who wins the election. I’m saying you have to worry about every day before it and every day after, forever. Although, on the plus side, I am told that at some point, the sun will run out of hydrogen.” — JON STEWARTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Super Long Super Bowl Edition)“Last night was just the second Super Bowl to ever go into overtime. Yeah. Once the game passed four hours, everyone hosting a party was like, ‘This was a mistake.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Last night’s game was over four hours long. Fans were like, ‘Who directed this, Martin Scorsese?’” — JIMMY FALLON“This was only the second overtime in Super Bowl history. It was a disappointing night for the 49ers and their quarterback, Brock Purdy, who played very well, especially considering the fact that Brock Purdy is only 12 years old. He really wanted to go Disneyland, but it was not to be.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The game was so long that people were drunk in the first quarter and hung over by the trophy presentation.” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Seth Meyers Tackles the Supreme Court’s Trump Hearing

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      Meyers said Trump lacked “any sense of irony or self-awareness” when “he claimed it would be an attack on democracy to remove him from the ballot for attacking democracy.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Tortured Lawyers Department’On Thursday, the Supreme Court heard arguments over removing former President Donald Trump from the ballot in Colorado because of a clause banning officials who engaged in insurrection from running for office.Trump didn’t appear at the hearing, but he gave a radio interview from Mar-a-Lago, in which Seth Meyers said that “without any sense of irony or self-awareness,” Trump “claimed it would be an attack on democracy to remove him from the ballot for attacking democracy.”“That’s what you did. That’s why this case is happening in the first place. It’s like if O.J. had gotten up in court and said, ‘If you put me in jail, you’ll be murdering my freedom!’” — SETH MEYERS“One of two things is possible: Either Trump is a shameless pathological liar who projects his crimes onto others, or he has what’s known in the medical community as ‘50 First Dates’ disease, where he wakes up every day and forgets what happened the day before. That would explain why Trump makes as much sense at his rallies as an Adam Sandler character.” — SETH MEYERS“It is funny to imagine that the drafters of the 14th Amendment somehow specifically exempted Donald Trump, of all people. That would explain why they added a clause saying ‘any person who engages in insurrection shall be barred from office unless said person is a boisterous and irksome real estate financier with peculiar physical features and a bizarre obsession with winged creatures slain by a wind-producing apparatus who once hosted a reality competition program on television, or whatever that is.’” — SETH MEYERS“First up, did you know that Trump’s legal team has been prepping for months? Also, they’re making an album called ‘The Tortured Lawyers Department.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump’s lawyers have also pointed out that the 14th Amendment says, ‘People who engaged in an insurrection cannot hold office’ — it doesn’t say they can’t run for office. But the point of running for office is to hold office. Unless you’re Nikki Haley. We’re not sure what her point is.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And, finally, did you know the hearing was led by Chief Justice John Roberts? Also, he’s the only Chief that’s not worried about the 49ers.” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More