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      Jordan Klepper Isn’t Wild About the ‘First Buddy,’ Elon Musk

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      “Trump’s been getting something that Elon’s 11 children will never receive: his full attention,” Klepper said on “The Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Buddy BuddyDonald Trump keeps making news with his appointments, choosing Kristi Noem, the governor famous for shooting her dog, to run the Department of Homeland Security. Elon Musk, who’s also been promised a post, seems to have the president-elect’s ear; on Monday, Musk posted on X, “I’m happy to be first buddy!”“Since the election, Trump’s been getting something that Elon’s 11 children will never receive: his full attention,” Jordan Klepper said on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”“Oh, good. Good! The world’s richest man is helping the president-elect run the country. I’m sure by the time Elon’s done, his businesses will be unregulated, he’ll have billions in new government contracts, and it’ll be illegal to point and laugh at a Cybertruck.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“‘First Buddy’ sounds like a sequel to ‘Air Bud’ where we elect a golden retriever to be president — which, frankly, I’d take at this point. Looks nice. It looks nice! Just keep it away from Kristi Noem, you know?” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Hide Your Dogs Edition)“Kristi Noem shouldn’t be in charge of a PetSmart, let alone homeland security.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“One of his main messages during the campaign was about killing the pets: ‘They’re eating the dogs! They’re eating the cats!’ He goes out and hires the woman who shot her puppy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“She’s supposed to get the border under control? She couldn’t even train her dog.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“This woman has no national security experience. She’s the governor of South Dakota. That isn’t even the best Dakota. It goes North, Fanning, Johnson, then the building John Lennon was shot outside of, then South Dakota.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Noem has an impressive résumé. She was a congresswoman, a governor, and during the campaign, she was Trump’s most trusted backup dancer.” — JIMMY FALLON, playing a video of Noem dancing next to Trump onstage“I know, I know — it’s important not to focus on that one time Kristi Noem shot a dog, because it’s just as important to remember that she also shot and killed her family’s goat.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin, a “Late Night” writer, struggled to get through a post-election edition of her regular segment, “Amber Says What.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe stand-up comedian Emma Willmann will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutWith the Gits, who became part of Seattle’s punk scene in 1989, the singer Mia Zapata was a formidable stage presence.Charles PetersonOn Nov. 13, Sub Pop will release remastered recordings by the Gits, the Seattle punk band whose frontwoman, Mia Zapata, was murdered in 1993. More

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      Late Night Weighs in on Trump’s Cabinet Picks

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      Jimmy Kimmel called President-elect Trump’s choices thus far “a real cast of no character.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump Stocks His CabinetLess than a week after winning the election, President-elect Donald J. Trump has begun announcing members of his next cabinet.Jimmy Kimmel called them “a real cast of no character” on Monday, saying they would “soon be hired and then fired by Trump.”“President-elect Trump has named Susie Wiles as his White House chief of staff, making her the first woman in history to ever have that role. Yeah. She’ll also make history as the first female chief of staff to quit after three weeks and write a tell-all book.” — JIMMY FALLON“Wiles has Trump’s trust because she was his 2024 campaign manager. So she was the mastermind who put Trump in a garbage man costume and had him dance to ‘Ave Maria’ — and it worked. And I don’t know what anything means anymore.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The thing is, Wiles may not be the worst choice for this job, and not just because the worst choice was elected president. Reportedly, reportedly, during the campaign, Wiles worked to keep particularly divisive fringe conservatives out of Trump’s orbit. For instance, she lured Rudy Giuliani away from Trump using a bottle of Cabernet dressed up as a sexy lady.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Former Congressman Lee Zeldin of New York is Trump’s pick to lead the Environmental Protection Agency. According to the League of Conservation Voters, of 26 House representatives from New York, Lee Zeldin had the worst record on environmental issues by far — so he’ll be in charge of protecting the environment, of course.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In a new post to Truth Social, President-elect Trump said that he will not invite former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley to join his administration. Well, he did offer her the position of secretary. That’s it — just secretary.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (POTUS Confab Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Relays Biden’s Promise of a Peaceful Transfer of Power

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      “Democrats were like, ‘Well, I guess at this point we can let him speak again,’” the “Tonight Show” host said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Getting Back UpPresident Biden spoke from the White House on Thursday, promising a peaceful transfer of power to President-elect Donald J. Trump in January.“Democrats were like, ‘Well, I guess at this point we can let him speak again,’” Jimmy Fallon said.“During his speech, Biden said, ‘You can’t love your country only when you win.’ Yeah. Then he said, ‘But since I didn’t win or lose, I can do whatever the hell I want.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Biden also tried to comfort Democrats by saying, ‘The America of your dreams is calling for you to get back up.’ Then Biden said, ‘Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go take a nap.’” — JIMMY FALLON“But he said ‘The America of your dreams is calling for you to get back up’ is based on a quote from his favorite British poet, Chumbawamba.” — JIMMY FALLON“He only spoke for a few minutes — didn’t want to miss the Showcase Showdown on ‘Price is Right.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The president gave a gracious speech. He told the nation, ‘You can’t love your country only when you win,’ which got a huge laugh in the lunchroom at Mar-a-Lago.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“We’re going to be talking about Trump again every day for another four years, I guess. And I, for one, did not think that when I came out of the jungles of Malaysia to do comedy that I would be making jokes about Donald Trump every day for 13 years straight. Thirteen years! I don’t talk about anybody as much — I don’t talk about my mom as much as I talk about this guy. I don’t talk about my wife as much as I talk about this guy. My wife thinks I’m having an emotional affair with him. I’m going to be talking about this guy on my [expletive] deathbed, OK? Which I assume will be in three years, when he somehow brings back the bubonic plague.” — RONNY CHIENGThe Punchiest Punchlines (Expat Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Processes Donald Trump’s Re-Election

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      “Trump returning to the White House is a huge historic comeback for someone who literally never went away,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Infernal FlameLate-night hosts spent Wednesday processing the 2024 election results and former President Donald Trump’s sweeping win.On “The Daily Show,” Desi Lydic lamented that “instead of breaking the glass ceiling, last night America decided to get back with her dirtbag ex.”“Yep, it’s official. America elected its first criminal president before electing its first female president. What a day for proud felonists.” — DESI LYDIC“We’ve had two qualified, accomplished women nominated for president, and both times they lost to the worst man in the whole country.” — DESI LYDIC“Yup, Trump could be the first president to be under White House arrest.” — JIMMY FALLON“All day yesterday, I was walking around proudly wearing my ‘I voted’ sticker. Today, I wore my ‘I am questioning my fundamental belief in the goodness of humanity’ sticker.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, as a late-night host, people often say to me, ‘Come on, part of you has got to want Trump to win because he gives you so much material to work with.’ No, no. No one tells the guy who cleans the bathroom, ‘Wow, you must love it when someone has explosive diarrhea — there’s so much material for you to work with!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I guess this election wasn’t rigged. That’s weird, though, right? I mean, he said it would be rigged. He said it was being rigged while people were in line voting. Isn’t it remarkable that this time, the fix wasn’t in? Last time, the Democrats cheated. This time, we chose not to, I guess.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump is like the emperor from ‘Star Wars.’ He’s old, he’s evil and he keeps coming back with no reasonable explanation whatsoever.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Four More Years Edition)“Let me tell you, that was the worst Taco Tuesday of my whole life.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump returning to the White House is a huge historic comeback for someone who literally never went away.” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Addresses Your Election Eve Anxiety

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      “It feels like the whole country is waiting to get the results of a biopsy,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Performance AnxietyThe late-night hosts seem to be as anxious about the election as you are.“It feels like the whole country is waiting to get the results of a biopsy,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday.“These polls — they’re mood rings. That’s all they are. They bring you up, they bring you down. Poll is short for ‘bipolar.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Tomorrow is Election Day and ‘Late Night’ is officially endorsing Xanax 0.5 milligram, twice a day as needed.” — SETH MEYERSOn “Real Time” on Friday, Bill Maher made one last appeal to undecided voters, or as he called them, “the Christmas Eve shoppers of politics — they know the big day is coming, but they just can’t get themselves to do anything about it until the last minute.”“The phrase I hear so much that makes me just want to un-alive myself is, ‘How’s she going to help me?’ Like the president is your personal genie. It’s Kamala, not ‘Kazam.’” — BILL MAHER“And so, dear Christmas Eve voter, I say to you: Things aren’t that bad, but they might get a hell of a lot worse under the rule of a mad king. Do I love everything about Kamala? No. Who told you you get to love everything? Do I wish she came up with a better reason to be president than ‘I’m not Trump’? Yeah, it would have been very helpful. But let’s not forget, ‘I’m not Trump’ is still a really great reason.” — BILL MAHER“But things look so good for Trump, Democrats have already impeached him.” — GREG GUTFELD“The Harris campaign is cautioning against getting too excited. Too late! I have to be excited because I’ve only got two other choices: absolute terror or Absolut vodka.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If you see someone in the fetal position drenched in sweat, they either just ran the New York City Marathon or they’re waiting for tomorrow’s election.” — JIMMY FALLON“Look, I love this country. I’m an immigrant — I chose to be here. In the words of the late Lee Greenwood, I’m proud to be an American. And I’d argue there is nothing more American than having a healthy adversarial relationship with those in power, even if you voted for them.” — JOHN OLIVERWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Trashes Trump’s ‘Cosplay Garbage Man’

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      Kimmel said that when Trump delivered a speech while wearing an orange safety vest, it was “like a 4-year-old who wants to wear his costume to school.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump as Trash ManOn Wednesday, former President Donald Trump spoke to reporters from inside a garbage truck while wearing an orange safety vest.Jimmy Kimmel called Trump “a cosplay garbage man” on Thursday, joking that “the garbage is driving the truck.”“That vest will come in handy when he’s on the side of the highway picking up trash with the other inmates.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And then this lunatic decides to stay in the garbage costume for the whole duration of his speech, like a 4-year-old who wants to wear his costume to school.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I have to say; if there is a single image that we will look back on and say, this defines what America was going through in 2024, I think it will be the Republican nominee for president dancing to the song ‘Y.M.C.A.’ in a garbage man costume.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump could never make it as a sanitation worker. It’s a tough job with actual stakes, genuine responsibilities, and no amount of cosplaying can make up for the fact that he’d be really bad at it. He wouldn’t last a day. If Trump was a sanitation worker in New York City, we’d have garbage piled higher than the Empire State Building, as opposed to what we currently have, which is only half as tall.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Last-Minute Costume Idea Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Kimmel and More Late Night Hosts Mock Trump’s Garbage Truck Stunt

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      The comment shocked “everyone who couldn’t believe Joe successfully logged onto Zoom,” the guest host of “Gutfeld” said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘We Are Garbage!’President Biden came under fire this week after seemingly referring to Trump supporters as “garbage” during a Zoom call. (In a posting on social media, Mr. Biden said he was talking about racist language, not Trump supporters.)On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel said that he didn’t blame the Trump campaign for jumping “all over this garbage thing.”“It’s not a smart thing to say,” Kimmel said. “Joe Biden should drop out of this race immediately.”“Today Kamala Harris was like, ‘Can someone drop Joe in a corn maze and leave him there till Wednesday, just have him wander?’”— JIMMY FALLON“Now, obviously, what he meant to say was nothing. Why are you saying anything? Did you forget that you’re so bad at saying things we had to go get somebody else?” — SETH MEYERS“Shocking everyone who couldn’t believe Joe successfully logged onto Zoom.” — TOM SHILLUE, guest host of “Gutfeld”“This happened during Trump’s rally, and fortunately, someone was there to help boost Marco Rubio up onto the stage so he could frantically share this important news.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s like an excited little Minion bringing big news to Gru: It’s like ‘Mr. President! Stop the proceedings! I’ve got a bulletin!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And if you thought that was insulting, wait until those people hear what you said about Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Look how excited Rubio is: ‘Everybody, everybody, everybody! I have great news: We are garbage!’” — RONNY CHIENG“Celebrate good times, come on! I mean, Rubio delivered that news like he was announcing the war is over.” — RONNY CHIENG“And you can tell how excited Trump is because his face is at full orange alert.” — RONNY CHIENGThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mookie Edition)“At the World Series last night, two Yankees fans tried to pry a foul ball out of the glove of Dodgers right fielder Mookie Betts. I’ve got to be honest, it’s nice to see New York fans try to steal something besides a wallet.” — TOM SHILLUE“On the bright side, they were offered season tickets by the Phillies.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s Mookie versus the mooks.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They call that the Staten Island handshake.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSalma Hayek showed Jimmy Fallon how to dance with a snake circling his neck on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightConnie Chung, a veteran journalist, will discuss her new memoir on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutLili Taylor, left, with Annabella Sciorra in “The Addiction.”Fast Films, Inc.The subscription streaming service Arrow has several spooky film options for a horror-filled Halloween. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: ‘Tonight’s Monologue Is for Republicans’

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      Kimmel made a 19-minute case against Donald Trump on Tuesday, asking viewers to “send it to a Republican you love.” (He did throw in a Biden joke.)Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Crossing the Aisle“Tonight’s monologue is for Republicans,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Tuesday. He then made a 19-minute case against Donald Trump, asking his viewers to send the clip to “a Republican you love and respect.” “Ask them to watch this whole thing as a personal favor to you,” he said. Then, after promising no “liberal virtue-signaling” and throwing in a Biden joke, he introduced himself to “those of you who don’t ever watch.”“I’m Jimmy Kimmel. Maybe you remember me from ‘The Man Show.’ We had a pretty good relationship back then — the beer, the trampolines. Good times, right? We had fun. But now times are less fun.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“We are very divided, and not just because of Donald Trump, because of people like, if I’m being honest, me. I do a lot of mocking and belittling, and it isn’t always productive.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Am I biased against Donald Trump? Yes. Do I think I have good reasons for being biased against him? Yes. And I’m probably wrong, but I think when you hear some of those reasons, you might agree with me, even just a little bit.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Maybe there’s a little voice in the back your head saying, ‘I might not want this guy driving the bus.’ And if you’re one of those people who think Democrats are controlling the weather or Beyoncé eats baby skin, forget it. This is not going to help at all.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump is the exact meeting point between QAnon and QVC. You remember when Ronald Reagan was selling high-tops in the 1980s? No, you don’t, because he wasn’t.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Not to mention the 34 felony convictions. Will he be president from jail? I mean, how do you see that working?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Anyway, if you made it this far, thank you for listening.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (What a Joke Edition)“It’s rare to tell a joke so bad that it alters the course of human history.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on the backlash over the comedian at Trump’s Madison Square Garden rally who compared Puerto Rico to garbage“Today, following his disastrous rally at Madison Square Garden, former President Trump defended the event and called it an ‘absolute lovefest.’ Then Kamala Harris looked at the polls and said, ‘Well, I’m certainly loving it.’” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More