Kimmel, Jimmy

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      Late Night Hopes Trump and Musk Can Patch Things Up

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      “Oh, no, not my two favorite people fighting!” said the “Daily Show” host Michael Kosta. “Don’t make me choose who I love more.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Big, Beautiful and DisgustingOn Tuesday, Elon Musk expressed his displeasure on X over President Trump’s “big, beautiful” domestic policy bill, calling it a “disgusting abomination” and shaming House members who’d voted for it. On “The Daily Show,” Michael Kosta said it was sad that “two men who previously had never had a friend” were seeing their relationship get “D.O.G.E.’d.”“Oh, no, not my two favorite people fighting! Don’t make me choose who I love more.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I’m not sure who to root for. It’s like Diddy versus R. Kelly.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But, yes, Elon is worried that Trump’s bill will raise the deficit too high. And when Elon is worried about something getting too high, you know it’s too high.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Boy, when he’s off the ketamine, he is a lot less fun.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And he may be right, but Elon has to be careful. You come out that hard against Trump’s central legislative achievement, and you’re going to be the first white person to get deported.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Shame on those who voted for it? Who bankrolled these people that voted for it? I want the name of whoever bankrolled — oh, wait, it’s his name.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Just days after leaving his official role at the White House, Elon Musk is now blasting President Trump’s ‘big, beautiful bill’ as a ‘disgusting abomination.’ And that’s coming from the guy who made the Cybertruck.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Elon called it ‘massive,’ ‘outrageous’ and ‘pork-filled.’ And Trump was, like, ‘[imitating Trump] I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’ll take two.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (New Portrait, Who Dis? Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Mines Laughs From Trump’s Biden Replacement Theory

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      “You’re saying that the Joe Biden who doesn’t even know where he is, is actually an incredibly advanced cloned robot? How much ketamine are you on?” Jon Stewart asked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Joe-boCop?On Saturday night, President Trump amplified a conspiracy theory on social media about former President Joe Biden that posited falsely that the former president had been replaced by a robot clone. While mindful to note that this was likely meant “to distract us,” as Jon Stewart said on “The Daily Show,” late night hosts couldn’t help but tackle the topic like the sci-fi movie it needs to be — with incredulity.“You’re saying that the Joe Biden who doesn’t even know where he is, is actually an incredibly advanced cloned robot? How much ketamine are you on?” — JON STEWART“You can’t be a robot and a clone, OK?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“How is this not on the front page of everything? The president of the United States is spreading deranged stories about his predecessor being a robot.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was a perfect plan with only one flaw: The Joe Bot couldn’t recognize George Clooney.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Hey, Republicans. Remember when you were very concerned Joe might not have the mental acuity to be president? Come get your guy, because he thinks Biden was executed and replaced by a clone, a ‘robotic clone.’ I mean, if your dad was saying stuff like this, you’d start looking for an assisted-living facility.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The media needs to stop being polite when they report this stuff. This is the headline from NBC: ‘Trump Shares Unfounded Conspiracy Theory Claiming Biden Was “Executed” in 2020.’ Never mind ‘unfounded,’ this is not even a theory. That headline should be ‘Convicted Felon Posts Insane Fairy Tale About Cancer Patient While Constipated on Toilet.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And, by the way, whoever built that Joe Biden robot is very bad at building robots. I mean, if anyone was replaced by a robotic clone, it’s Melania, right?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Side Effects Edition)“Trump was effusive in his praise for Musk. He thanked him for working ‘tirelessly.’ Well, yeah, of course he was working tirelessly. They say he was gobbling down 20 different kinds of uppers every day when he was there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Over the weekend, The New York Times published a crazy story about Elon Musk, claiming, among other things, that he was taking ecstasy, psychedelic mushrooms, pills believed to be Adderall, and so much ketamine it was affecting his bladder control, which is a delightful detail. Between him and Trump, that Oval Office has got to smell like an abandoned nursing home.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Digests Trump’s Crypto Dinner

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      “Listen, he’s only corrupt in his free time, guys,” Kimmel said of the president. “When he’s in the Oval Office, he’s by the book. This is all completely on the up and up.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Guess Who’s Coming to DinnerOn Thursday, President Trump hosted a dinner for the biggest investors in his personal cryptocurrency. Protesters gathered outside the golf club where it was held, denouncing what they called “crypto corruption,” and late-night hosts lodged their own form of protest in their monologues.“Tonight, President Trump hosted a private dinner for the top 200 holders of his memecoin,” Jimmy Fallon said. “Yep, over 200 crypto bros in one room. Even Satan’s like, ‘Now, that’s hell.’”Several of the dinner guests told The New York Times that they were hoping to influence Trump and, ultimately, U.S. financial regulation. Jimmy Kimmel was not reassured by Karoline Leavitt, the White House press secretary, who told reporters it was a private dinner and that it was “absurd for anyone to insinuate that this president is profiting off of the presidency.”“It is absurd to say it’s absurd for anyone to insinuate that the president is profiting off of the presidency,” Kimmel said.“As far as I know, he’s the only president I’ve ever heard of who sells his own Bible and watch.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Listen, he’s only corrupt in his free time, guys. When he’s in the Oval Office, he’s by the book. This is all completely on the up and up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“These people gave Trump’s business a combined $394 million for this dinner in one night. Seats went for from $55,000 to $37 million a pop. And no plus ones. That’s just by yourself.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Thinks Trump’s ‘White Genocide’ Video Was a Bit Much

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      “The guy who couldn’t find South Africa on a map of Africa” subjected its leader to an extremely dubious video about his own country, Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lie, the Beloved CountryOn Wednesday, President Trump lectured the visiting president of South Africa, claiming that genocide was being carried out against white farmers in his country (and subjecting him to a dubious video on that subject). In turn, Trump got a lecture from late-night hosts, who dismantled his false claims.“There’s a right-wing conspiracy theory bubbling right now that says they’re killing all the white people in South Africa,” Jimmy Kimmel explained on Wednesday night. “Trump apparently has seen this online, so he brings the president in, he turns the lights down and makes him sit through a multimedia presentation about his own country titled ‘White Genocide.’”“I mean, seriously, does anyone at the White House — does anyone around him ever say, ‘Oh, Mr. President, this one is wrong, this is not real, this one makes you look demented and dumb’? Nobody does.” — JIMMY KIMMELOn “The Daily Show,” Ronny Chieng said Trump had turned the White House meeting “into a murder podcast.”“Trump is convinced that there is white genocide going on in South Africa, which of course means there is no white genocide happening in South Africa. It’s not even mathematically possible. I mean, you’ll never run out of white South Africans when one of them is making 5,000 kids a week.” — RONNY CHIENG, referring to Elon Musk“But still, Trump thinks there is one, and you know he cares about it because he said ‘white genocide.’ It’s like someone told him, ‘Hey, it’s not just a genocide, it’s a white genocide. You know, the bad kind.’” — RONNY CHIENG“During the meeting, this is real, things got pretty heated, and the president of South Africa actually said, ‘I’m sorry I don’t have a plane to give you.’ And then, to mess with Trump even more, he gave him tickets to see a Springsteen concert in New Jersey.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump asked some tough questions, like, ‘How did you get rid of Elon? I’ll tell you what I did. How did you do it?’ — JIMMY FALLON“If you really want to impress Trump, you should have given him one of your golf courses. Then Trump would be like, ‘Hell, yeah! Sorry, white South Africans, if that’s even a real thing. Thoughts and prayers.’” — RONNY CHIENGThe Punchiest Punchlines (Golden Dome Edition)“President Trump has unveiled plans for a ‘Golden Dome’ missile defense shield that could cost tens of billions. Here is a schematic of what the golden dome would look like. The best part about the defense shield? He says the Klingons will pay for it.” — GREG GUTFELD“We’re fine. Gold doesn’t melt. It’s the strongest metal on earth.” — GRACE KUHLENSCHMIDT of “The Daily Show”“Yes, gold. Because when I think impenetrable, I think of stuff that pirates can bend with their teeth.” — STEPHEN COLBERTWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Celebrates the First American Pope

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      “We have an American pope and a Russian president,” Jimmy Kimmel said, calling it “an historic era.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘New Pope, Who Dis?’Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost was elected pope on Thursday, becoming the first American pope.“We have an American pope and a Russian president,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “Isn’t it incredible?”“We have the first American pope. And let me just say, as an American, are you sure about this? We don’t really have the gravitas that you associate with pope-iness. We’re less ‘somber procession’ and more ‘monster truck rally.’” — DESI LYDIC“I just think it’s just a little bit weird that the holiest man in the world probably knows all the words to the Chili’s ‘Baby Back Ribs’ song.” — DESI LYDIC“The Pope Mobile is now a Ford F-250 with truck nuts.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You can tell he’s American ’cause he stepped out on the Vatican balcony and said, ‘New pope, who dis?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Another Leo Edition)“They make him pick a name. He chose Leo XIV, which is a shame because there have been 13 other Leos. We’ve never had even one Pope Bob, which would have been pretty great.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“How have there been so many popes named Leo? Leo doesn’t even sound like a Pope name. Sounds more like the altar boy who got high and ate all the communion wafers.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, he may be the new pope, but to his friends back in Chicago, he’ll always be ‘Bobby Bratwurst.’” — JIMMY FALLON“From now on, the pope is going to sound like this. [imitating Chicago accent] Hey, dere, it’s yer buddy Leo, the deep dish papa. Just talked to God, and not even he can help da White Sox. Sorry. First order of business, I will be canonizing Michael Jordan. Now let’s end by saying daaa prayers.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe Colombian superstar Shakira played “Box of Lies” with Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutLovie Simone in “Forever,” a new adaptation of the Judy Blume novel created by Mara Brock Akil for Netflix.Elizabeth Morris/NetflixAn all-Black cast stars in the new Netflix series “Forever,” adapted from Judy Blume’s 1970 novel of the same name. More

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      Late Night Anxiously Awaits the Unveiling of Trump’s Big News

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      “The Daily Show” host Desi Lydic said it “could be anything from ‘I’ve achieved peace in the Middle East’ to ‘I just tried bucatini, and I’m never going back to regular spaghetti.’”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump, the TeasePresident Donald Trump said Tuesday that he would make a big announcement in the next few days, keeping the details elusive.On Wednesday’s “Daily Show,” Desi Lydic said, “it’s great to have a president who does teaser trailers for world events.”“It’s like when F.D.R. said, ‘We only have one thing to fear, and I’ll tell you what it is after the break!’” — DESI LYDIC“This is Donald Trump, so his big announcement could be anything from ‘I’ve achieved peace in the Middle East’ to ‘I just tried bucatini, and I’m never going back to regular spaghetti.’” — DESI LYDIC“This could literally be about anything. He could be getting rid of the tariffs or installing a Big Mac button on the White House desk.” — JIMMY FALLON“Maybe Melania’s pregnant again. Wouldn’t that be sweet, to have a baby — another baby in the White House?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This had better not be another set of his Trump NFTs or a golf tournament that he won. This feels like a dad who’s a gambling addict telling his family, ‘I have big news, we’re moving into an RV!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But this is what happens when you put a loose cannon into the White House. This — it could be about anything from new tariffs to announcing our next attorney general is Gary Busey. Best-case scenario, Don Jr.’s rabies test comes back negative.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pope O’Clock Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night on Trump, the Constitution and Playing With Dolls

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      On “Meet the Press” and social media, President Trump gave the hosts a lot of material to choose from, even by his standards.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Presidents Say the Darndest ThingsDuring a “Meet the Press” interview that aired on Sunday, President Trump was asked whether he had to uphold the Constitution. He replied, “I don’t know.”“Wow, they talked a lot about Biden’s mental decline, but this guy can’t even remember stuff from, like, four months ago,” Seth Meyers said on Monday.“Well, it’s been great, folks, but that’s it — I think we can roll credits on the United States.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“On ‘Millionaire,’ that’d be the warm-up question, like ‘What color is an orange?’ or ‘Name a planet with people on it.’ I mean, if you can’t answer that the president’s supposed to uphold the Constitution, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t even let you become a citizen.” — JON STEWART“It’s the same answer he gives when they ask where Melania lives: ‘I don’t know, I’d have to ask my lawyers.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The Constitution isn’t one of Don Jr.’s birthdays. You can’t just ignore it.” — JIMMY KIMMELTrump, asked about the economy, also doubled down on his suggestion that children could get by with fewer toys. “I don’t think a beautiful baby girl needs — that’s 11 years old needs to have 30 dolls,” he said. “I think they can have three dolls, or four dolls.”“Right, think of them like wives: Two, three, four would be a good number.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“All you need to know about the relationship he has with his daughters and granddaughters is he thinks 11-year-olds still play with dolls.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson. It’s a beautiful 11-year-old baby! You did so well in your 44th trimester.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In response, Pokémon has rolled out their new slogan: ‘Pokémon, Gotta Catch a Couple!’” — SETH MEYERS“I mean, who runs on a pledge of ‘Let’s make Christmas worse for children’?” — BILL MAHER“A billionaire telling kids they need to cut back on dolls. That is some world-class political messaging right there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Every interview now is like an episode of ‘Kids Say the Darndest Things.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (May the Fourth Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Watches ‘Signalgate’ Claim a Victim, Sort of

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      Mike Waltz, who added a journalist to a Signal group chat about plans to bomb Yemen, is out as national security adviser, but his career isn’t over.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not the Last WaltzOn Thursday, Mike Waltz — famous for inadvertently adding a journalist to a Signal chat group where officials discussed plans to attack Yemen — was removed from his post as President Trump’s national security adviser. But Trump soon announced that he would nominate Waltz to be the ambassador to the United Nations.“The news was first reported when he accidentally texted it to Lester Holt,” Seth Meyers said on “Late Night.”“So finally — finally — a member of the Trump administration faces lasting consequences that lasted three and a half hours.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What a strong message that is: ‘We can’t trust you to keep our secrets. But go cavort freely with representatives from every country in the world.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Well, he’s not fired, but he was removed from the group chat.” — JIMMY FALLON“It was a tough decision, and as with anything this sensitive, the first person to find out was Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So, that guy, the one who claimed strangers’ numbers can get sucked into your phone, will now be Trump’s ambassador to the United Nations if he gets confirmed, which means he’ll spend a lot less time at the White House, where his portfolio seemed to consist of two things: leaking war plans on group chats and, much like his phone, sucking up to Donald Trump.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Return to Office Edition)“Apparently, Elon Musk is stepping away from his work at the White House so he can focus on running Tesla. He was like, ‘Hm, what’s better: this dumpster fire or this dumpster fire?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Elon is dialing back his DOGE duties to focus on his own disaster of a company.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingQuinta Brunson, the creator and star of “Abbott Elementary,” crashed Thursday’s “Tonight Show” to promote her gig hosting “Saturday Night Live” this weekend.Also, Check This OutGeorge Clooney in “Good Night, and Good Luck.” He was among the screen stars who got Tony nominations for their work on Broadway this season.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesAudra McDonald, George Clooney, and Sarah Snook, stars of both stage and screen, received Tony nominations on Thursday. More