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      Seth Meyers Mocks Trump for Claiming George Bush Took Documents, Too

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      “And that is why to this day, if you’re in Texas, you can stop by H.W.’s Wok and Bowl and Top-Secret Document Warehouse,” Meyers joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘H.W.’s Wok and Bowl and Top-Secret Document Warehouse’Over the weekend, former President Donald Trump was in Nevada and Arizona, where he appeared at rallies in support of the Republican candidates Joe Lombardo, Kari Lake and Blake Masters.“And yet even though Trump is theoretically supposed to be there to campaign for other candidates, he always without exception makes it about himself,” Seth Meyers said. “He’s like the best man at a wedding who gives a drunken toast about how awesome he is.”While in Arizona, Trump claimed that other former presidents had removed classified documents from the White House, saying that the first President George Bush “took millions of documents to a former bowling alley and a former Chinese restaurant.”“He didn’t take the classified documents by accident — he took them on purpose because he thinks they belong to him, and when you’re proving a crime, criminal intent is key. I know that because I watch a show called ‘Law & Order: Criminal Intent’ — it’s right there in the title. There was never a ‘Law & Order’ spinoff called ‘Law & Order: Oops, My Bad.’” — SETH MEYERS“He just kept repeating it, and none of that excuses intentionally stealing and leaving classified documents laying around your golf course.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And that is why to this day, if you’re in Texas, you can stop by H.W.’s Wok and Bowl and Top-Secret Document Warehouse.” — SETH MEYERS“I demand an investigation because, is it just me, or does a combination bowling alley/Chinese restaurant sound incredible?” — JAMES CORDEN“I think I see what Trump is going for here, though, I do. Does he think that fortune cookies are secret documents?” — JAMES CORDEN“To be safe, Bush also hid some in a laser tag-slash-kebab house, and a trampoline park-slash-rib shack.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (First Edition)“Well guys, if you watch MSNBC, I want to say, ‘Happy Indigenous Peoples’ Day.’ And if you watch Fox News, I want to say, ‘Happy Columbus Day.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Not only is it Columbus Day, it’s also Indigenous Peoples’ Day, which is what it should be, probably. But we have to pick one or the other, right? This is like saying it’s Arbor Day and Chain Saw Day — it can’t be both.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, 530 years ago Columbus went on a trip and never made it to his intended destination. Today we call that flying Southwest Airlines.” — JIMMY FALLON“I think it’s probably the most controversial federal holiday of all of them, Columbus Day. Here’s how you know Columbus Day isn’t so hot anymore — there’s no Google doodle for it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The guy had one job — get to India. He missed it by 9,000 miles, but rather than admit he was wrong and not in India, he just started calling everyone Indians, which is so willfully ignorant. If he were alive today, he could probably run the Republican Party. If you’re being honest with yourself, Columbus is basically what would have happened if Donald Trump had been born in the 1400s and his dad gave him a boat, OK?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingRachel Maddow talked about her new political history podcast, “Ultra,” on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightJamie Lee Curtis will talk about the latest installment of the “Halloween” franchise, “Halloween Ends,” on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutWendell Pierce as Willy Loman in “Death of a Salesman” at the Hudson Theater.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesAn all-Black cast led by Wendell Pierce and Sharon D. Clarke stars in a powerful revival of “Death of a Salesman” at the Hudson Theater. More

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      Stephen Colbert Calls Biden’s Marijuana Pardon a ‘Green New Deal’

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      Colbert celebrated Biden’s announcement on Thursday that people convicted of marijuana possession under federal law would be pardoned.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Green New Deal’President Joe Biden pardoned people convicted of marijuana possession under federal law on Thursday.“Ladies and gentlemen, that is a hell of a green New Deal,” Stephen Colbert said.“He’s pardoning federal marijuana simple-possession offenses — all of them, from the dankest nugs to the harshest ditch weed. I’m talkin’ pot, grass, Mary Jane, reefer, the sweet sticky icky, ganja, choom-choom, lime pillows, sticks n’ stems, herb, chronic, Yemen, the devil’s lettuce, wacky tobacky, Acapulco gold, jazz cigarettes and the right honorable reverend Al Green.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Can you imagine how many people are incarcerated? Even worse, can you imagine getting pardoned for this after seeing how mainstream weed has become in America? I bet witches probably feel the same way, you know? It’s like, ‘Oh, so these hipster chicks can walk around Brooklyn with their candles and crystals, but when I did it in Salem, I got burned!’” — TREVOR NOAH“This will affect more than 6,000 Americans. Their criminal records will be cleared. He also encouraged governors to do the same on the state level, promised that his administration will review whether marijuana should still be classified as a schedule 1 drug and gave the Presidential Medal of Freedom to a bag of Funyuns.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (High Point Edition)“The move stops short of full decriminalization, which will probably have to wait until we have a President Woodrow Harrelson or something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m pretty sure Biden’s approval rating is about to get high for the first time.” — JIMMY FALLON“It is the most cannabis-friendly decision by a U.S. president yet, and I, for one, am just glad Willie Nelson is alive to see this happen.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, the president canceled student loan debt and now he’s pardoning people for weed. I think Biden’s going to be able to get into any frat he wants right now.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe rapper Jack Harlow co-hosted “The Tonight Show,” sharing in Thursday night’s edition of #Hashtags with Jimmy Fallon.Also, Check This OutOndi Timoner filmed her father’s last days. “I wanted to bottle him up,” she said. “I was terrified to not hear his voice again.”Brad Torchia for The New York Times“Last Flight Home,” by Ondi Timoner, is a documentary about her terminally ill father, who chose to end his life by medically assisted suicide. More

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      Late Night Rips Into Ron DeSantis for His ‘Go-Go’ Boots

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      “You’re not allowed to pass a ‘Don’t say gay’ bill then show up in public dressed like Nancy Sinatra,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Getting the BootPresident Joe Biden met with Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on Wednesday, setting aside political conversations to focus on the damage from Hurricane Ian.“Last time Joe Biden saw a storm this big, he had to help Noah collect all the pets and get them on the boat,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“It’s like the special episode of a Disney sitcom where the school bully realizes he needs help with his math homework.” — JIMMY FALLON“Governor DeSantis has been touring damaged areas to let residents know they’re not forgotten — and one thing that few will ever forget is the white knee-high boots he was sporting.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Looks a little less ‘governor on the go’ and more ‘governor of the Go-Gos.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You’re not allowed to pass a ‘Don’t say gay’ bill then show up in public dressed like Nancy Sinatra.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But DeSantis was actually nice to Biden — he actually even offered him a free flight to Martha’s Vineyard.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Return on Investment Edition)“The home run ball itself is thought to be worth at least $2 million, and it was caught by an investment banker. Huge moment for the Yankees and an investment banker. What a night for the underdogs, you know?” — JIMMY FALLON“Well, there is a feel-good story for you. I’m glad things are finally working out for that executive at an investment firm. That’s what the game is all about. Good for you, buddy. Good for you.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe correspondent Ronny Chieng investigated the world of ultimate pillow fighting for Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightCate Blanchett will talk about her new film “Tár” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutBeavis and Butt-Head in the rebooted version of the series.Paramount+As a show that was smarter than its characters, “Beavis and Butt-Head” is too often overlooked and unappreciated. More

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      Stephen Colbert Pens Get-Well Card to Herschel Walker

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      Colbert did not mince words in his greeting to the Senate candidate, who denied paying for a former girlfriend’s abortion, as was reported by The Daily Beast.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Thoughts and PrayersHerschel Walker, the Republican Senate candidate in Georgia and a noted opponent of abortion, denied reports from Monday that he paid for a woman’s abortion in 2009. Walker’s former girlfriend provided a receipt from an abortion clinic and a $700 check she received in a get-well card, The Daily Beast reported.On Tuesday, Stephen Colbert referred to the situation as “a disaster.”“So Walker went on the Fox News last night and was asked about this evidence by the most effective form of birth control known to man, Sean Hannity,” Colbert said.“Well, sure, all celebrities send cards to complete strangers. In fact, you know what? Herschel’s going through a tough time right now, so let me just get this down real quick: ‘Dear Herschel, get well — you know what? Get [expletive], Stephen.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I mean, this woman says that she has a receipt, a check, and a get-well card that he signed. The only way there could be more of a paper trail is if he bought a souvenir T-shirt from the abortion clinic’s gift shop.” — TREVOR NOAH“Imagine being so stupid you write a check for an abortion you want to keep secret. And that card, if you’re wondering where you can even get a card like that, you can find them right next to the ‘dads and grads’ section at CVS.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“A former girlfriend of Republican Georgia Senate candidate Herschel Walker claimed in a new interview that Walker paid for her to get an abortion in 2009. And the only way that will hurt him with Republicans is if some of that money went to pay down her student loans.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tainted Reputation Edition)“Former President Trump filed a defamation lawsuit yesterday against CNN and claimed that the network has made a ‘persistent association’ between Trump and Adolf Hitler. Yeah, come on, CNN. Can’t a guy hold a series of racist rallies in a country suffering skyrocketing inflation without being compared to Hitler?” — SETH MEYERS“This is true, the lawsuit takes issue with CNN’s use of the words ‘racist’ and ‘insurrectionist’ when discussing Trump. I don’t want to help Trump in this lawsuit, but CNN also called him a billionaire.” — JAMES CORDEN“Get this: Former President Trump is claiming that CNN is trying to hurt his image ahead of the 2024 election, and he announced that $475 million defamation lawsuit against the network. In response, CNN was like, ‘Hey, thanks for thinking we have that kind of money. Wow, we pay Anderson Cooper in Panera bucks, you know what I mean?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He sued CNN for defamation, charging the channel acted with ‘real animosity’ to cause him ‘true harm.’ True harm? They reported the facts! That’s like suing your mirror for giving you cankles.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Specifically, the suit claims that CNN tried to taint the plaintiff, which is not easy — the plaintiff is mostly taint.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But this is tricky territory for Trump. On the one hand, he thinks that CNN calling him racist hurt his chances for re-election. On the other hand, if he says he isn’t racist, that could also hurt his chances for re-election.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Tonight Show” guests Ralph Macchio, Jennifer Beals and Lea Thompson played a game of ’80s-themed charades with Jimmy Fallon on Tuesday.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightMaggie Haberman will sit down to dish on her new book “Confidence Man” with Trevor Noah on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutLoretta Lynn performing in 1976 in Rochester, N.Y. Her voice was unmistakable, with its Kentucky drawl, its tensely coiled vibrato and its deep reserves of power.Waring Abbott/Getty ImagesThe country music star Loretta Lynn died on Tuesday, leaving behind a legacy of fiery expressions of female resolve. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: Superman Doesn’t Fit Trump

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      Kimmel joked that aides couldn’t find the right size of Superman ‘Underoos’ for the former president, who wanted to pull a Clark Kent after leaving Walter Reed in 2020.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Just Like Superman Would Never Do’Maggie Haberman’s new book, “Confidence Man,” reveals that in 2020, President Donald Trump wanted to unbutton his shirt to reveal a Superman T-shirt upon his emergence from Walter Reed Hospital after being treated for Covid.“Unfortunately, they couldn’t find Underoos in a size triple-XL,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“According to Haberman, the plan was Trump would be wheeled out of Walter Reed hospital in a chair, and, once outdoors, he would dramatically stand up, open his button-down dress shirt to reveal a Superman logo. Listen, the only thing Trump does faster than a speeding bullet is have sex. We know that from Stormy Daniels.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“When he was preparing to leave Walter Reed Medical Center in 2020 after being treated for the coronavirus, then-President Trump reportedly told aides he wanted to exit the hospital in a wheelchair and then stand up to reveal a Superman shirt. You know, just like Superman would never do.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punch Lines (Go Fish Edition)“At a fishing tournament in Cleveland on Friday, a duo that had been declared winners were caught cheating. Of course, this was fishing, so after they were caught, they were released.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, it’s a lakeside fishing scandal so explosive, many are calling it ‘Watergate.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I haven’t seen white dudes this mad about fish since Disney announced the ‘Little Mermaid’ thing.” — TREVOR NOAH“You 100 percent could’ve told me that was footage from Jan. 6, and I would have believed you.” — JAMES CORDEN“Honestly, in a million years, I would never be able to guess that professional fishermen’s trash talk would include the phrase, ‘Where’s your crown now?’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah looked into a new dating app for conservatives called The Right Stuff on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe national touring company of “Oklahoma!” will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJack Webb in “Dragnet” and Amanda Warren in “East New York.”From left: NBC, via Getty Images; Scott McDermott/CBSPolice procedurals date back to the dawn of television, but the genre has evolved over the years. More

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      After 7 Years on ‘The Daily Show,’ Trevor Noah Says ‘It’s Time’ to Depart

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      “It’s not instant. I’m not disappearing. Don’t worry. If I owe you money, I’ll still pay you,” Noah joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Happy Anniversary, I’m Out of HereTrevor Noah announced his departure from “The Daily Show” on Thursday, almost seven years to the day since he took over from Jon Stewart.Noah expressed his gratitude to everyone who’d supported Comedy Central’s “crazy choice” to hire “this random African” whom “nobody knew on this side of the world.”“It’s been absolutely amazing. It’s something that I never expected. And I found myself thinking throughout the time, you know, everything we’ve gone through. The Trump presidency, the pandemic, just the journey of, you know, the more pandemic.” — TREVOR NOAH“And then I realized that after the seven years, my time is up. Yeah, but in — in the most beautiful way, honestly. I’ve loved hosting this show. It’s been one of my greatest challenges. It’s been one of my greatest joys. I’ve loved trying to figure out how to make people laugh even when the stories were particularly [expletive] on the worst days, you know? We’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together. But after seven years, I feel like it’s — it’s time.” — TREVOR NOAH“I’ve never been good at goodbyes. It’s not instant. I’m not disappearing. Don’t worry. If I owe you money, I’ll still pay you.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Frankie Lasagna Edition)“Frankie Lasagna sounds like a name you get from the Olive Garden witness protection program.” — JIMMY FALLON, on the name of the fan who missed the 61st home run ball from Aaron Judge on Wednesday night“[imitating Frankie] ‘Hey, I’m Frankie Lasagna. It’s Francis — it’s Francis Lasagna but my friends call me Frankie.’” Which is either the best name I’ve ever heard, or the worst alias in the history of the mob. ‘[imitating mobster] Hey, I’m Frankie Lasagna. These are my associates, Mikey Pizza, Sal Calzone, and his cousin, Bobby Unlimited Breadsticks.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Frankie Lasagna sounds like the name Robert De Niro checks into hotels to avoid paparazzi.” — JIMMY FALLON“Frankie Lasagna sounds like the name of Trump’s next lawyer.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn the “Tonight Show,” Robert De Niro played a game of hot hands with Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s cold open.Also, Check This OutLea Michele (with Ramin Karimloo) lights up like a light as the new Fanny Brice on Broadway. Matthew MurphyLea Michele is stupendous as Fanny Brice in “Funny Girl.” More

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      Late Night Reacts to Trump ‘Nearly Firing’ Ivanka and Jared

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      “That would be an awful way to find out they’d lost their jobs as … handbag blondeface? Haunted scarecrow? His-and-hers towel racks?” Stephen Colbert joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘You’re Fired!’New reports of Maggie Haberman’s Donald Trump tell-all, “Confidence Man,” detail that the former president once “nearly fired” his daughter Ivanka and her husband, Jared Kushner.“That would be an awful way to find out they’d lost their jobs as … handbag blondeface? Haunted scarecrow? His-and-hers towel racks?” Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday. “I don’t know what they did.”“In the end, the ex-president did what he’d done his whole life: He avoided his children. He never fired them, and as we all know, Jared went on to achieve Middle East peace.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He was going to fire them over Twitter, but his chief of staff, John Kelly, was able to stop him from doing it by waving a KFC drumstick in front of him and tossing it across the room.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Meanwhile, Eric and Don Jr. were like, ‘Wait a minute, he follows you guys on Twitter?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Music History Edition)“Last night at a concert in D.C., Lizzo played a never-used crystal flute that once belonged to President James Madison. No one had played it in 200 years, so it was ‘about damn time.’” — JIMMY FALLON, referencing Lizzo’s single “About Damn Time”“Yeah. That’s a really cool way to bring attention to American history. Yeah, because now students will know that James Madison was that guy who did a collab with Lizzo, you know?” — TREVOR NOAH“It was an amazing moment — even better than that time Guy Fieri ate chicken wings with George Washington’s wooden teeth.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingIdina Menzel addressed rumors regarding “Frozen 3” while on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe Yeah Yeah Yeahs will perform on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutMatthew Broderick in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” Paramount Pictures, via Associated PressStream “Schitt’s Creek,” “8 Mile” and “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” before they leave Netflix in October. More

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      Trevor Noah’s Take on Russia’s Sham Referendums in Ukraine

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      “I mean, it is one thing to conquer a town and blow up their buildings but to make them do paperwork? There is evil and then there’s evil,” Noah said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Russian InterferenceIt’s been seven months since President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia ordered the invasion of Ukraine, or as Trevor Noah referred to it on Tuesday, “Putin went all Kool-Aid Man on Ukraine.” Noah also noted that Russia’s leader is “not hashtag-winning.”“Russian soldiers are going door to door forcing people to vote to join Russia and so because of that, 97 percent of the vote has been pro-Putin. Yeah, but I mean, let’s be honest — I mean, these voters have a ‘choice’ in the same way we have a ‘choice’ to not accept cookies on that website, you know? Yeah it’s like, what? So what, if I click ‘no’ can I not see how child stars have aged? What kind of a choice is that?” — TREVOR NOAH“You know my question is, who the hell is the 3 percent? No, I’m really impressed by this. Who had the balls to still vote against Putin while his soldiers watched them mark their ballots? Who was there and just like, ‘Yes, I have voted — for yo’ mama!’” — TREVOR NOAH“And honestly, like why do they even go through all of this, huh? Like going door to door, making everyone sign [expletive] just so you can do whatever are you already doing anyway. I mean, it is one thing to conquer a town and blow up their buildings but to make them do paperwork? There is evil and then there’s evil.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Big Bang Edition)“Last night NASA intentionally crashed a spacecraft into an asteroid to see if it could stop one coming toward Earth in the future. Go, NASA! Meanwhile, the Space Force was like, ‘Cool, cool, so what exactly is our role again? Like, what do we do?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Boom! Yeah. How you like that, asteroid? That was for the dinosaurs.” — TREVOR NOAH“And in case you are wondering, no, the asteroid was not heading for Earth, all right? We were just testing the system. It wasn’t heading toward us. But now the other asteroids, they know not to test us. You don’t mess with Earth, man; we’re loco, man.” — TREVOR NOAH“The asteroid, named Dimorphos, is part of a binary system with another larger asteroid named Didymos, which means twin in Greek. Neither Dimorphos nor Didymos posed any threat to Earth, but now they know not to get any ideas, and they’re telling their friends.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers flamed quiet quitting, Costco and Aaron Judge on this week’s “Ya Burnt” segment on “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightAnderson Cooper will chat with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutKevin Smith and Jason Mewes with the Buddy Christ figure featured in Smith’s 1999 film “Dogma.”Adam Powell for The New York TimesKevin Smith and Jason Mewes reflect on their decades-long partnership on screen and off. More