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      Late Night Returns Just in Time for Trump to Get a Special Master

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      “Once again Donald Trump has exposed a part of America that I’m willing to bet nobody knew existed,” Trevor Noah said. “Nobody!”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Master of NoneAfter a summer full of breaks, guest hosts and repeats, late-night hosts returned to the air on Tuesday, just in time to talk about the documents the F.B.I. found at Mar-a-Lago and the appointment of a special master to review them.Trevor Noah said he’d never heard of a special master before, adding that “once again Donald Trump has exposed a part of America that I’m willing to bet nobody knew existed. Nobody!”“I didn’t even know it was an option. I’ve watched 10 million hours of ‘Law & Order.’ I know about subpoenas, I know about breaking the chain of custody, objection, sustained, overruled, sidebar in my chambers — but not once have I heard the term ‘special master.’ Once again, thanks to Trump, because of his hard work and dedication to doing crimes, we’ve all learned something new today, and I say thank you, Mr. President.” — TREVOR NOAH“Which, I’m not going to lie, when I first heard it, sounded pretty cool. It was like, ‘Donald Trump is getting a special master.’ I was like, ‘He’s about to learn kung fu?’” — TREVOR NOAH“Who the special master will be, we do not know. Maybe they can get Eric to do it. He’s special, right?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, the special master has to review over 11,000 documents, which could delay the investigation. Man, only Trump could avoid jail just because there’s too much evidence.” — JIMMY FALLON“I’ve got to say, ‘special master’ actually sounds kind of kinky. [imitating deep voice] ‘You will address me as special master, and you will submit … your motion to dismiss no later than 3 p.m. Friday. Now beg for my gavel.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Secret Documents Edition)“You know, I’ve been trying to understand how he could possibly believe he had the right to take all those documents to his house. It’s weird that a person who barely reads would even want documents. It’s like finding out your dog collects stamps.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But even more concerning is that the F.B.I. also found dozens of classified folders that were empty, which obviously raises the question, where are the documents from the folders? Are they in other boxes? Did he lend them to Saudi Arabia? Or maybe — maybe it’s more innocent, yeah. Maybe Trump keeps a bunch of folders labeled ‘classified’ so he can give them to friends with photocopies of his butt inside.” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s also possible the intelligence community didn’t trust Trump with classified information so they just gave him empty folders.” — TREVOR NOAH“The feds also recovered documents related to the use of ‘clandestine human sources’ in intelligence gathering. That means lists of our secret operatives in foreign governments. Why would he have those? Is he writing a new spy thriller: ‘Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Woman, Man, Camera, T.V.’?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “The Tonight Show,” Hillary Clinton reacted to Jimmy Fallon’s monologue about what the F.B.I. found while searching Mar-a-Lago.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe singer Fletcher will make her late-night debut on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutKaren O of Yeah Yeah Yeahs.Mark Horton/Getty ImagesAfter a lengthy hiatus, the art rock trio Yeah Yeah Yeahs is returning with a new studio album, “Cool It Down,” on Sept. 30. More

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      Chelsea Handler Chides the Supreme Court

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      “At this point I’d probably have more rights if my vagina was an AR-15,” Handler mused on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Speaking From ExperienceChelsea Handler kicked off four nights of guest hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Monday night, saying, “I will be here all week long, or at least until Republicans make it illegal for women to talk.”“Jimmy is off right now doing whatever the [expletive] he wants with his body.” — CHELSEA HANDLERHandler dedicated her monologue to the Supreme Court’s Friday decision to overturn Roe v. Wade.“Remember like five days ago when Fox News told us the biggest threat facing America was drag queens? That was cute.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“At this point I’d probably have more rights if my vagina was an AR-15.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“And by the way, I’m speaking from experience on all of this as someone who had three abortions in high school. And if that sounds too extreme, let’s pretend I had two. Because here’s the thing: This planet is a much safer place without me polluting it with my children. I’m responsible enough to know that we don’t need any more pothead molly-loving alcoholics running around topless.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“Not only has this decision further divided our country, most families now have two separate group texts going: one with relatives who support the rights of women and one with the relatives who live in Florida.” — CHELSEA HANDLERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Supreme Court Edition)“Everyone is talking about the Supreme Court after they made some pretty major decisions over the last few days, and let me just sum it up for you: They basically said whether it’s a gun or a baby, you’re carrying something.” — JIMMY FALLON“So, reproductive rights in America lasted for less time than ‘The Young and the Restless.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“People just want things done. No one cares about Kente cloth or singing on the Capitol steps and especially not poetry, all right? I feel like any moment now Chuck Schumer is going to throw on a fake pregnant belly, and just take a knee in the Capitol and be like ‘We are all pregnant now and we’re standing together.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth Watching“The Daily Show” correspondent Michael Kosta investigated vasectomies on Monday’s show.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightRepresentative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutAnnie Hardy, left, and Angela Enohoro in “Dashcam.”Blumhouse ProductionsThis month’s picks for five new horror films available to stream now are scary, but not too scary. More

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      Trevor Noah Calls Out Rudy Giuliani for Being ‘Thirsty’

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      “Yeah, Rudy made so many unanswered calls, the iPhone started labeling him as spam,” Noah said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Spam LikelyThe Jan. 6 hearings continued on Tuesday, where reports of former President Trump’s attempt to flip the outcome of the election with state officials took center stage.“One of the people Trump depended on most in the pressure campaign was Rudy Giuliani, his personal lawyer and final boss in a Resident Evil game,” Trevor Noah said on Tuesday. “Unfortunately, it seemed like no one wanted to take Rudy’s calls.”“Yeah, Rudy made so many unanswered calls, the iPhone started labeling him as spam.” — TREVOR NOAH“Can we acknowledge what a fall this has been, huh? This man went from being an American hero to now sounding like a telemarketer selling a coup: [imitating Giuliani] ‘If you order now, I’ll throw in that chair Abraham Lincoln is sitting on.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And you know, this is another example of how historic President Trump really was. Any other time in U.S. history, if the president’s lawyer called someone, they would take that call. But when Trump’s vampire lawyer called people, everyone was, like, ‘Tell him I’m not here! Yeah, tell him I went camping and died!’” — TREVOR NOAH“Also, not that I’m encouraging it, because I’m not, but if you are going to try to overturn an election, maybe don’t leave voice mails? It’s a paper trail. Also it’s 2022 — text! Who leaves voice mails? You realize how thirsty you’re coming off? ‘Hey, it’s me again.’ Come on, Rudy, just hit ’em with a quick late-night ‘U Up? For subverting democracy? Eggplant emoji, red hat emoji, vampire emoji.’ Come on, Rudy, keep up with the times!” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Summer Solstice Edition)“Thank you for joining us on the first day of summer, which is wild. This is the day when both the sun and Jimmy Kimmel are said to be at their highest.” — SEAN HAYES, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“Today is also known as the summer solstice, which is the longest day of the year, which is funny, because I thought the longest day of the year was the time I saw Steven Seagal do Shakespeare in the park.” — SEAN HAYES“Out of all the days in the year, this is the one where we get the most sunlight, so if you were still sad today, I hate to break to it you, but your seasonal depression is just regular depression.” — SEAN HAYES“Of course I’m in a good mood today. It’s the first day of summer. Seriously, I heard so many White Claws crack open today I thought the — I thought the cicadas were back.” — JIMMY FALLON“You could tell it’s summer. This morning, my Uber driver drove around with the top down and by the top, I mean his shirt.” — JIMMY FALLON“But yeah, summer is here, which means that you’ve got about a week until it’s pumpkin season at Starbucks.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, today is the summer solstice, which means it’s the longest day of the year. So if today felt extra long, you’re either in our hemisphere or you own Bitcoin.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingDulcé Sloan broke down the commercialization of Pride on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightDavid Sedaris will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutGeorge Michael during his Faith World Tour in 1988. Michael Putland/Getty Images“George Michael: Freedom Uncut” details the singer’s life and career via interviews and previously unseen footage. More

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      Late Night Delves Into Day 3 of the Jan. 6 Hearings

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      Trevor Noah joked that Donald Trump “lives his entire life as if he is the bad kid in one of those antismoking P.S.A.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Peer Pressuring Mike PenceThe Jan. 6 committee hearings continued on Thursday, focusing largely on Donald Trump’s attempts to persuade Mike Pence to overturn the election.Trevor Noah joked that such peer pressure was on brand for Trump, who “lives his entire life as if he’s the bad kid in one of those antismoking P.S.A.”“Like, [imitating Trump] ‘Come on, Mike, just try overturning the election. I thought you wanted to be cool.’ Also, by the way, if there is one person who you can’t entice with cool, it’s Mike Pence. He’s the least cool man in the world. The man won’t even watch the Teletubbies because they don’t wear pants.” — TREVOR NOAH“Trump and Pence have reportedly not spoken since last summer. I guess they haven’t really been hanging since the attempted hanging.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And this is what we learned: All the lawyers knew that overturning the election was a crime. They all told each other that they knew it was a crime. They all told everybody in the White House it was a crime, including the president. They told him, ‘Sir, it’s a crime’ and he said, ‘Thank you for clearing that up. Now, let’s go do that crime.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Some of the crimes — some of the crimes described today were procedural and constitutional — a little light sedition among friends. Some of them were more straightforward, like, what’s the word? Trying to murder Mike Pence.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Covid Finally Caught Up to Fauci Edition)“Dr. Anthony Fauci tested positive yesterday for a breakthrough case of the coronavirus. Wow, Fauci is like Covid’s final boss. This is — this is like hearing that the coyote caught the roadrunner.” — SETH MEYERS“Also, you caught it now? You made it through all that time in the maskless Trump White House and you caught it now? That’s like running a triathlon with no problems and then throwing your back out petting a dog.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, Dr. Fauci has Covid, which feels a little like finding out Smokey Bear got trapped in a forest fire.” — TREVOR NOAH“I will say though, what a big moment for Covid as well, huh? To finally infect Dr. Anthony Fauci? I bet Covid was really star-struck when it got in his body.” — TREVOR NOAH“And you know the saddest part, Dr. Fauci, and yes I’m talking to you, Dr. Fauci, I know you watch the show, is the fact that you didn’t come to the White House Correspondents Dinner, yeah. The president was there, Kim Kardashian was there, but you didn’t come because you said you didn’t want to catch Covid and then you caught Covid anyway. Yeah, probably from some boring government meeting.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingTom Hanks and Stephen Colbert posed as TikTok dads delivering a lecture on social media use.Also, Check This OutDaryl McCormack and Emma Thompson in “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande.”Searchlight PicturesThe accomplished actress Emma Thompson bares all in her new movie, “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande.” More

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      Are Jan. 6 Hearings Flashy Enough for Prime Time? Late Night Isn’t Sure.

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      “Hanging over the hearings is one question that could define the future of our republic: Who cares?” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Are You Still Watching?The Jan. 6 committee hearings will be televised beginning Thursday night, but late night hosts wondered if Americans would pay proper attention.“Hanging over the hearings is one question that could define the future of our republic: Who cares?” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday.“Yeah, it doesn’t have to look like ‘Top Gun,’ but just in case, they’re going to have Adam Schiff and Jamie Raskin play hot shirtless volleyball.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What they need to do, you want people to watch in America, is you have to spice things up. You know, have a kiss cam going for the witnesses. Yeah, get Shakira to do a halftime show.” — TREVOR NOAH“Americans like entertainment; Congress wants Americans to pay attention to politics. Those two don’t mix. But there is one person who can make political machinations interesting for the masses; there is only one man: Lin-Manuel Miranda.” — TREVOR NOAH“You know who is going to be torn about the coverage of this? Donald Trump. Yeah, ’cuz think about it: On the one hand, he doesn’t want anyone to know what he did on Jan. 6, but on the other hand, you know he would love his hearings to get the highest ratings of all time. You know it. He’s going to be out there like [imitating Trump] ‘Don’t watch the hearings, folks. The fake news is saying I overthrew the government, which I didn’t do. But it was the biggest overthrow of all time, but I didn’t do it.’” — TREVOR NOAH“In other political news, tomorrow night, the Jan. 6 committee will hold a special prime time hearing, which will air live on all the broadcast networks, and it’s being produced by a former ABC executive. And even more exciting, the halftime show will be performed by Imagine Dragons featuring Congresswoman Liz Cheney.” — JAMES CORDEN“The hearing is being produced by a former ABC executive, which is why it’s being marketed as, ‘Extreme Takeover: Capitol Building Edition.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fox News Stays on Brand Edition)“Fox News announced this week that it will not air carry live coverage of Congress’s prime time hearings over the Capitol attack. To focus on more important news like, ‘Would it kill Mulan to wear a dress?’” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, they’re going to be spending all night talking about the real culprit: [imitating Tucker Carlson] ‘Why is nobody talking about how Congress has too many doors? If there was only one door in and out, this never would have happened. The crowd would have peacefully dispersed after hanging Mike Pence, huh?’ ” — TREVOR NOAH“Fox, by the way, has decided not to carry the hearings about Jan. 6 on their news network tomorrow night. Instead, they will show their new special, ‘Tucker Carlson presents: A Racist Cat Meows Confederate Battle Hymns.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It doesn’t surprise me that Fox isn’t airing the hearings. Fox is news the same way ‘The Kardashians’ is reality. Just once, I’d love to see an actual reality TV show, something called, I don’t know, ‘A Man Quietly Eating a Cinnabon Because He Missed His Connection at LaGuardia.’” — SETH MEYERS“It’s not a surprise, because Fox constantly says the opposite of what the hearings will say. The committee will lay out the truth of what happened, and Fox will lie. It’s that simple. The hearings will say Jan. 6 was a violent insurrection fomented by an outgoing president who nearly pulled off a detailed plan for an attempted coup to unlawfully cling to power that would have installed him as an unelected autocrat and destroyed American democracy. And Fox will say it was just a pro-freedom, patriot party where everyone peacefully toured the Capitol like they were on a school field trip, having to find items their teachers gave them on a worksheet.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingPresident Biden sat down with Jimmy Kimmel for a lengthy conversation about the modern Republican Party, gas prices and gun violence, among other things.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightDemi Lovato will appear on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJuancho Hernangómez, left, and Adam Sandler in “Hustle.”Scott Yamano/NetflixAdam Sandler and Juancho Hernangómez, a Utah Jazz player, star in “Hustle,” a crowd-pleaser about the N.B.A. draft. More

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      Late Night Anticipates Jan. 6 Hearings

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      Late-night hosts poked fun at Louie Gohmert, the Republican congressman who complained about not being able to lie to the F.B.I. about Jan. 6.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Louie Lou-lieThe Jan. 6 committee hearings will be televised beginning this Thursday — or, as Stephen Colbert referred to it, “America’s Got Treason.”On Monday, late-night hosts poked fun at Louie Gohmert, the Republican congressman from Texas who spoke out against the indictment of former Trump adviser Peter Navarro by complaining Republicans can’t lie to Congress or the F.B.I.“Gohmert is upset because some of his fellow Republicans are getting hit with contempt charges for refusing to cooperate with the committee investigating the insurrection on Jan. 6, and what he’s upset is they’re not even allowed to lie about it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At least he’s not lying about how upset he is about not being allowed to lie, I guess. Small victory.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This statement used to be the kind of thing that could ruin a person’s political career, but now that we’ve been MAGA-tized it barely even makes a dent.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“[imitating Gohmert] Nowadays you can’t even lie to Congress or lie to the F.B.I. or hot wire a car, then drive that car to a bank and grab all the money at gunpoint, then head to the nearest zoo to throw rocks at the pandas? There’s a two-tiered justice system: one tier for people who obey the law and a whole different one for people who break the law. How is that fair?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Holo-Grandma’ Edition)“That’s right, Britain marked the queen’s 70-year reign with four days of parades, parties and celebrations. Yeah, four days. Basically, the queen is like your annoying friend who insists on celebrating their birthday month.” — JIMMY FALLON“Lilibet took the throne at age 25, on Feb. 6, 1952. So naturally, the Brits are celebrating her 70th anniversary in June. They were aiming for London’s annual day of sunshine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, 70 years makes it the queen’s Platinum Jubilee, so I believe the traditional gift to give her is Africa.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, the queen celebrated 70 years of sitting on the throne. When he heard, your uncle who does The New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle said, ‘Challenge accepted.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It was a star-studded event with performances from Elton John, Rod Stewart and Ed Sheeran. Yeah, when Ed first walked out, the queen was like, ‘Oh, Harry, you’re back.’” — JIMMY FALLON“During a parade over the weekend honoring her Platinum Jubilee, a hologram of Queen Elizabeth was shown in her Gold State Coach and whatever you think of the queen, her duet with Tupac was amazing.” — SETH MEYERS“Nothing says you’re healthy and doing fine like resorting to technology from Disney’s Haunted Mansion.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The crowd sang ‘God Save the Queen’ as the holo-grandma passed them by. At this point, God must be like, ‘Enough already with the song, I’m doing it. She’s 96 — do you not see me saving the queen?’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingBobby Brown sat down with Trevor Noah on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightTig Notaro will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJoel Kim Booster at Akbar in Los Angeles. He said that before filming of “Fire Island” started, he thought, “This is either going to change my life or it’s going to be the biggest flop of my career.”Michael Tyrone Delaney for The New York Times“Fire Island” star Joel Kim Booster reflects on making the rare romantic comedy that puts gay Asian-American men at its center. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel on North Korea’s First Reported Covid Outbreak

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      “According to their director of their national institute of infectious disease, Dr. Dennis Rodman, the virus, which until now had been ‘Un’-detected, has appeared,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Infection DetectionKim Jong-un declared a “maximum emergency” in North Korea on Thursday as the country reported its first outbreak of the coronavirus.“According to their director of their national institute of infectious disease, Dr. Dennis Rodman, the virus, which until now had been ‘Un’-detected, has appeared,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Thursday.“North Korea reported its first coronavirus outbreak today and ordered all cities and counties to enter a lockdown. Or as they call it, ‘business as usual.’” — SETH MEYERS“How did Covid even get into North Korea? Did Kid Rock play Pyongyang and not tell us about it?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (24 Hours in Biden Edition)“While speaking yesterday to thousands of union electrical workers, President Biden referred to former President Trump as, quote, ‘the great MAGA king.’ OK, can we please not give him any more ideas?’” — SETH MEYERS“Congratulations, Joe! You’ve selected the one nickname that Trump will gladly use. I mean, I guarantee Trump already has that monogrammed on towels.” — JAMES CORDEN“Foolish move for Biden trying to play the nickname game with Trump. With Trump? You can’t do that. The guy — the guy is a terrible president, but he’s in the hall of fame when it comes to the nicknames. Right, Sleepy Joe?” — JAMES CORDEN“President Biden criticized Republicans at a fund-raiser last night for their recent attacks on Disney and said, quote, ‘They’re going to storm Cinderella’s castle before this is over.’ Oh, buddy, I hate to tell ya — if they’re storming anything, it’s the Hall of Presidents.” — SETH MEYERS“President Biden told a small gathering at a Democratic fund-raiser last night that it’s going to be ‘hard’ to maintain the majority in both houses of Congress, especially since they don’t have it in the first place.” — SETH MEYERS“But today Biden was back in Washington, where he hosted a — co-hosted a virtual Covid summit. The fact that the summit was held virtually pretty much tells you how we’re doing in the fight against Covid.”— JIMMY FALLON“The U.S. co-hosted a summit with Germany, Indonesia, Senegal and Belize. Good, all the heavy hitters are in on this.” — JIMMY FALLON“But Biden is serious about tackling the pandemic. That’s why today he announced the new head of his Covid task force, Patti LuPone.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden today called Ferdinand Marcos Jr. to congratulate him on winning the Philippine presidential election. Said Biden, ‘Remember, winning is the easy part — the hard part is convincing everybody that you actually won.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJanelle James, star of “Abbott Elementary,” joined Desus and Mero to help children record pep talks on a “Keep It 100” hotline.Also, Check This OutJacoba Ballard in the documentary “Our Father.”Netflix“Our Father” tells the story of siblings who unite to bring to justice the fertility specialist who impregnated their mothers with his sperm without consent. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: Today Is ‘a Stupefying Day in the History of This Country’

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      “Chuck Schumer said he called for the vote so we would know where Republicans stand. Turns out, they’re standing in the year 1865,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Stuck in the PastOn Wednesday, the Senate voted against legislation that would have guaranteed abortion rights nationwide.Jimmy Kimmel referred to the blocking of the bill as “a stupefying day in the history of this country.”“Even though a strong majority of American voters want those rights protected, every Democrat voted in favor of the bill except Joe Manchin, who voted with his fellow Republicans.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“With the Supreme Court likely to overturn Roe v. Wade, the Democrats wanted to get their counterparts on the record opposing it. Chuck Schumer said he called for the vote so we would know where Republicans stand. Turns out, they’re standing in the year 1865.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It almost feels like maybe we shouldn’t have let the host of ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ pick three Supreme Court justices, you know?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Put Out to Pasture Edition)“President Biden spoke today in Illinois about his administration’s plan to support farmers. Although I feel like he should be asking about their plan to support him: [imitating Biden] ‘You guys got one of those Charlotte’s Web spiders who can write something nice about me?’” — SETH MEYERS“Well guys, today President Biden visited a farm in Illinois, where he announced new steps to fight rising food costs and inflation. You know your presidency is in rough shape when your staff is like, ‘It’s time to drive you to a farm upstate.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, when Biden first arrived, a Secret Service agent was like, ‘Older McDonald is on the farm. E-I-E-I-O.’” — JIMMY FALLON“But this is strange: At one point Biden actually walked into a corn field and slowly disappeared: ‘If you build back better, votes will come.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Tonight Show” guest Florence Welch was joined by Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Buffett for a performance of “Margaritaville.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightAmy Sedaris will pop by Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutGeorge Carlin on “Saturday Night Live” in 1975. His fans include Joe Rogan and Jim Gaffigan.Herb Ball/NBCU Photo Bank, via Getty ImagesNearly 14 years after his death, the comedian George Carlin still has the power to make people across the political spectrum laugh. More