Kimmel, Jimmy

Subterms

    More stories

    • 75 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Anticipates Jan. 6 Hearings

      by

      Late-night hosts poked fun at Louie Gohmert, the Republican congressman who complained about not being able to lie to the F.B.I. about Jan. 6.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Louie Lou-lieThe Jan. 6 committee hearings will be televised beginning this Thursday — or, as Stephen Colbert referred to it, “America’s Got Treason.”On Monday, late-night hosts poked fun at Louie Gohmert, the Republican congressman from Texas who spoke out against the indictment of former Trump adviser Peter Navarro by complaining Republicans can’t lie to Congress or the F.B.I.“Gohmert is upset because some of his fellow Republicans are getting hit with contempt charges for refusing to cooperate with the committee investigating the insurrection on Jan. 6, and what he’s upset is they’re not even allowed to lie about it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At least he’s not lying about how upset he is about not being allowed to lie, I guess. Small victory.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This statement used to be the kind of thing that could ruin a person’s political career, but now that we’ve been MAGA-tized it barely even makes a dent.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“[imitating Gohmert] Nowadays you can’t even lie to Congress or lie to the F.B.I. or hot wire a car, then drive that car to a bank and grab all the money at gunpoint, then head to the nearest zoo to throw rocks at the pandas? There’s a two-tiered justice system: one tier for people who obey the law and a whole different one for people who break the law. How is that fair?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Holo-Grandma’ Edition)“That’s right, Britain marked the queen’s 70-year reign with four days of parades, parties and celebrations. Yeah, four days. Basically, the queen is like your annoying friend who insists on celebrating their birthday month.” — JIMMY FALLON“Lilibet took the throne at age 25, on Feb. 6, 1952. So naturally, the Brits are celebrating her 70th anniversary in June. They were aiming for London’s annual day of sunshine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, 70 years makes it the queen’s Platinum Jubilee, so I believe the traditional gift to give her is Africa.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, the queen celebrated 70 years of sitting on the throne. When he heard, your uncle who does The New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle said, ‘Challenge accepted.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It was a star-studded event with performances from Elton John, Rod Stewart and Ed Sheeran. Yeah, when Ed first walked out, the queen was like, ‘Oh, Harry, you’re back.’” — JIMMY FALLON“During a parade over the weekend honoring her Platinum Jubilee, a hologram of Queen Elizabeth was shown in her Gold State Coach and whatever you think of the queen, her duet with Tupac was amazing.” — SETH MEYERS“Nothing says you’re healthy and doing fine like resorting to technology from Disney’s Haunted Mansion.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The crowd sang ‘God Save the Queen’ as the holo-grandma passed them by. At this point, God must be like, ‘Enough already with the song, I’m doing it. She’s 96 — do you not see me saving the queen?’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingBobby Brown sat down with Trevor Noah on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightTig Notaro will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJoel Kim Booster at Akbar in Los Angeles. He said that before filming of “Fire Island” started, he thought, “This is either going to change my life or it’s going to be the biggest flop of my career.”Michael Tyrone Delaney for The New York Times“Fire Island” star Joel Kim Booster reflects on making the rare romantic comedy that puts gay Asian-American men at its center. More

    • 113 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Kimmel on North Korea’s First Reported Covid Outbreak

      by

      “According to their director of their national institute of infectious disease, Dr. Dennis Rodman, the virus, which until now had been ‘Un’-detected, has appeared,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Infection DetectionKim Jong-un declared a “maximum emergency” in North Korea on Thursday as the country reported its first outbreak of the coronavirus.“According to their director of their national institute of infectious disease, Dr. Dennis Rodman, the virus, which until now had been ‘Un’-detected, has appeared,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Thursday.“North Korea reported its first coronavirus outbreak today and ordered all cities and counties to enter a lockdown. Or as they call it, ‘business as usual.’” — SETH MEYERS“How did Covid even get into North Korea? Did Kid Rock play Pyongyang and not tell us about it?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (24 Hours in Biden Edition)“While speaking yesterday to thousands of union electrical workers, President Biden referred to former President Trump as, quote, ‘the great MAGA king.’ OK, can we please not give him any more ideas?’” — SETH MEYERS“Congratulations, Joe! You’ve selected the one nickname that Trump will gladly use. I mean, I guarantee Trump already has that monogrammed on towels.” — JAMES CORDEN“Foolish move for Biden trying to play the nickname game with Trump. With Trump? You can’t do that. The guy — the guy is a terrible president, but he’s in the hall of fame when it comes to the nicknames. Right, Sleepy Joe?” — JAMES CORDEN“President Biden criticized Republicans at a fund-raiser last night for their recent attacks on Disney and said, quote, ‘They’re going to storm Cinderella’s castle before this is over.’ Oh, buddy, I hate to tell ya — if they’re storming anything, it’s the Hall of Presidents.” — SETH MEYERS“President Biden told a small gathering at a Democratic fund-raiser last night that it’s going to be ‘hard’ to maintain the majority in both houses of Congress, especially since they don’t have it in the first place.” — SETH MEYERS“But today Biden was back in Washington, where he hosted a — co-hosted a virtual Covid summit. The fact that the summit was held virtually pretty much tells you how we’re doing in the fight against Covid.”— JIMMY FALLON“The U.S. co-hosted a summit with Germany, Indonesia, Senegal and Belize. Good, all the heavy hitters are in on this.” — JIMMY FALLON“But Biden is serious about tackling the pandemic. That’s why today he announced the new head of his Covid task force, Patti LuPone.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden today called Ferdinand Marcos Jr. to congratulate him on winning the Philippine presidential election. Said Biden, ‘Remember, winning is the easy part — the hard part is convincing everybody that you actually won.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJanelle James, star of “Abbott Elementary,” joined Desus and Mero to help children record pep talks on a “Keep It 100” hotline.Also, Check This OutJacoba Ballard in the documentary “Our Father.”Netflix“Our Father” tells the story of siblings who unite to bring to justice the fertility specialist who impregnated their mothers with his sperm without consent. More

    • 163 Shares169 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Kimmel: Today Is ‘a Stupefying Day in the History of This Country’

      by

      “Chuck Schumer said he called for the vote so we would know where Republicans stand. Turns out, they’re standing in the year 1865,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Stuck in the PastOn Wednesday, the Senate voted against legislation that would have guaranteed abortion rights nationwide.Jimmy Kimmel referred to the blocking of the bill as “a stupefying day in the history of this country.”“Even though a strong majority of American voters want those rights protected, every Democrat voted in favor of the bill except Joe Manchin, who voted with his fellow Republicans.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“With the Supreme Court likely to overturn Roe v. Wade, the Democrats wanted to get their counterparts on the record opposing it. Chuck Schumer said he called for the vote so we would know where Republicans stand. Turns out, they’re standing in the year 1865.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It almost feels like maybe we shouldn’t have let the host of ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ pick three Supreme Court justices, you know?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Put Out to Pasture Edition)“President Biden spoke today in Illinois about his administration’s plan to support farmers. Although I feel like he should be asking about their plan to support him: [imitating Biden] ‘You guys got one of those Charlotte’s Web spiders who can write something nice about me?’” — SETH MEYERS“Well guys, today President Biden visited a farm in Illinois, where he announced new steps to fight rising food costs and inflation. You know your presidency is in rough shape when your staff is like, ‘It’s time to drive you to a farm upstate.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, when Biden first arrived, a Secret Service agent was like, ‘Older McDonald is on the farm. E-I-E-I-O.’” — JIMMY FALLON“But this is strange: At one point Biden actually walked into a corn field and slowly disappeared: ‘If you build back better, votes will come.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Tonight Show” guest Florence Welch was joined by Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Buffett for a performance of “Margaritaville.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightAmy Sedaris will pop by Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutGeorge Carlin on “Saturday Night Live” in 1975. His fans include Joe Rogan and Jim Gaffigan.Herb Ball/NBCU Photo Bank, via Getty ImagesNearly 14 years after his death, the comedian George Carlin still has the power to make people across the political spectrum laugh. More

    • 88 Shares169 Views

      in Television

      James Corden Calls Trump a ‘Scam Account’

      by

      Corden joked that “banning Trump is like the one good thing Twitter has done in like a decade.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Scam LikelyElon Musk said that should his purchase of Twitter go through, he plans to lift the ban on Donald Trump’s account.“Tell you what: we are leaving this show in the nick of time, gang,” James Corden joked on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.” Corden announced in late April that he will leave the CBS show next year. .@elonmusk wants to end Twitter’s Trump ban pic.twitter.com/CmS52oaA00— The Late Late Show with James Corden (@latelateshow) May 11, 2022
      “Musk explained that permanent bans should be reserved for bots, scam or spam accounts. I could say it’s a scam. It’s a scam! Donald Trump is a scam account. It’s all a scam.” — JAMES CORDEN“Musk said banning Trump from Twitter was ‘a morally bad decision, to be clear, and foolish in the extreme.’ Oh, good. We have the part-time D.J. who makes flamethrowers and cars that fart in charge of morality now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The guy who names his kids Roman numerals will make sure they don’t do anything foolish.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Seriously, banning Trump is like the one good thing Twitter has done in like a decade. It’s that, the wheels versus doors debate, and the time that one guy said his cousin looks like a honey bun. That’s basically it.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Ciao Amico Edition)“Earlier today, President Biden met with the prime minister of Italy at the White House. It was Mario Draghi’s first trip to Washington. Italy’s prime minister, Mario Draghi — or as Joe Biden calls him, ‘Freddie Spaghetti.’” — JAMES CORDEN“It was a friendly meeting. Biden opened with, ‘Welcome, or as they say in your country, when you’re here, you’re family.’” — JAMES CORDEN“This is true: back at home, the prime minister is facing growing dissent, even from his own party. When Biden heard this, he was like, ‘Nice, man — me too.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers took his writers to task for their poorly penned monologue jokes on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightFlorence Welch will sit down with Jimmy Fallon and then perform as Florence and the Machine on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe 2022 Pulitzer Prize-winning books include Joshua Cohen’s novel “The Netanyahus” and Ada Ferrer’s “Cuba: An American History.” More

    • 150 Shares159 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Kimmel Finds It ‘Impossible to Believe’ Trump Ordered Protesters Be Shot

      by

      Kimmel weighed in on a former defense secretary’s allegations about the president wanting paratroopers to fire on demonstrators outside the White House.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.That Son of a GunMark Esper, the former secretary of defense, said Sunday night on “60 Minutes” that former President Donald Trump suggested paratroopers begin shooting demonstrators during the George Floyd protests outside of the White House in June 2020. Esper referred to Trump’s request as “shocking.”Jimmy Kimmel called the anecdote “almost impossible to believe,” but later joked “In fairness, he said the same thing about Eric,” his son.“It is shocking. So shocking you should have told us about it at the time.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s also somehow not surprising to me that Trump would specifically request paratroopers, although it also wouldn’t surprise me if he doesn’t know what that word meant. I mean, maybe he knows it’s parachutes, or maybe he thinks it’s the two guys from ‘CHiPs.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (A Tale of Two Presidents: Mother’s Day Edition)“Meanwhile, this weekend was also Mother’s Day, of course. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there. And I saw that first lady Jill Biden spent the day in Ukraine and met with the Ukrainian first lady. Yeah, basically, Joe got her an Edible Arrangement for Mother’s Day and Jill was like, ‘You know what? I’m going to go to Ukraine — I’m good.’” — JIMMY FALLON“To be fair, it was the only place that still had an availability for brunch.” — JAMES CORDEN“This is when you really see the difference between our current president and the last one. So Joe Biden yesterday tweeted to his wife: ‘Happy mother @flotus. You’re the love of my life and the life of my love. You bring me joy and laughter every day, and I’m so grateful for everything you do for our family.’ Very sweet. So Trump, then — Trump chose more of a ‘Yo Momma’s Day’ message.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“On Truth Social, he wrote: ‘Happy Mother’s Day to all, including racist, vicious, highly partisan, politically motivated and very unfair radical left Democrat judges, prosecutors, district attorneys, and attorney generals, who campaign unrelentingly against you without knowing a thing, and endlessly promise to take you down.’ This is his Mother’s Day tweet, OK? ‘After years of persecution, even the fake news says there is no case or, at best, it would be very hard to bring. someday soon they will start fighting record-setting violent crime. I love you all!’ And yeah, it’s a harsh message, but you know, if you color it in a little bit, it’s actually quite sweet.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What do you think Trump did for Melania on Mother’s Day — offer her a bite of his McGriddle?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJack Harlow did his first interview on a talk show on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe reunited Kids in the Hall will appear on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“A Strange Loop” received more Tony Award nominations than any other show.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesThis year’s Tony Award nominations include 11 nods for the new musical “A Strange Loop.” More

    • 75 Shares149 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Kimmel: Truth Social Versus Twitter

      by

      “They will delete your account if you use the platform as a ‘tool for a crime or any unlawful activity,’ like, I don’t know, starting a riot at the Capitol maybe?” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Empty PromisesDonald Trump released a statement this week, praising the success of his app, Truth Social.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel pointed out that while Trump promotes his app as a free-speech alternative to Twitter, Truth Social’s community guidelines aren’t so different.“And the biggest no-no, the one they actually call ‘Truth #1,’ they will delete your account if you use the platform as a ‘tool for a crime or any unlawful activity,’ like, I don’t know, starting a riot at the Capitol maybe?” Kimmel said. “Now what I’m wondering is maybe this is why Trump hasn’t been posting on Truth Social — he’s banned from that one, too.”“Truth Social is getting a boost from the news that Elon Musk is buying Twitter. Their app is now No. 1 on the Apple Store free app chart. We know this because Trump released a statement that said, ‘Truth Social is No. 1 in the Apple App store,’ a statement he did not bother to post on Truth Social, by the way, because no one would see it there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He still hasn’t posted on his own Truth Social app since the day it launched back in February. The last time he ignored something this much it was named Eric.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The truth about Truth Social is, of course, it’s No. 1. The reason no one’s downloading the Twitter app is because everybody already has Twitter.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Just a Phase Edition)“Finally, let’s talk about Covid-19, the only one of us that has seen Kamala Harris in like three months.” — TREVOR NOAH“As we all know, a little over two years ago a bat in China didn’t cover its mouth when it sneezed in a lab after visiting a food market, and that started a pandemic, and the world has never been the same.” — TREVOR NOAH“I don’t know if I believe it, seeing as how I know about 20 people who have Covid or have had it this month, but Dr. Fauci says we are no longer in the pandemic phase. We are transitioning from the pandemic phase to the awkward teenage phase. So instead of your hands, wash your face.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But Fauci warned the virus cannot be stamped out completely. The country may be totally over it, but it’s somehow still hanging around. Basically it’s like ‘American Idol.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Yeah, a phase, sort of like wide-leg jeans — they disappeared for 20 years and now suddenly everyone looks like they have to borrow a pair of jeans from Shaq, you know?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingAs Black Karen, “Daily Show” correspondent Dulcé Sloan called the cops on white people for their heinous crimes like eating bad barbecue and kissing their dogs on the mouth.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Yellowjackets” star Christina Ricci will pop by Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutSarah Silverman during a break from rehearsals of “The Bedwetter,” which centers on a 10-year-old Silverman who suffered from the embarrassing condition of the title.Mark Sommerfeld for The New York TimesSarah Silverman promises vulnerability and jokes in her new musical comedy “The Bedwetter.” More

    • 138 Shares199 Views

      in Television

      Trevor Noah Backs Trump’s Returning to Twitter for One Reason Only

      by

      Noah joked that he just “really wants to see” the former president’s Wordle scores.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.More Hot TakesLate night continued to weigh in on Tuesday night on Elon Musk’s deal to purchase Twitter.Trevor Noah joked that the news set off “a wave of takes so hot, they burned off my eyebrows and I had to draw them back on.”“But one of the biggest takes came from former Twitter C.E.O. Jack Dorsey, who gave Musk his stamp of approval saying, ‘I trust his mission to extend the lights of consciousness.’ And I’ll be honest, people, I have no idea what that means, but Jack’s clearly on that billionaire speak.” — TREVOR NOAH“Well, I feel a lot better knowing that Twitter wasn’t in great hands before.” — SETH MEYERS“All jokes aside, Jack Dorsey is a great guy, and I wish him a safe journey back to his home planet.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yep, Musk says he’s going to bring back free speech to Twitter. It’s a big deal, because if it’s true, it means we’ll finally be able to talk about Bruno.” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, some people are worried that Musk will have a negative impact on Twitter. Yes, compared to the absolute paradise it’s been all along.” — JIMMY FALLONHosts wondered if Donald Trump might rejoin the app now that Musk will be at the helm, despite the former president’s claim he’ll instead remain on his own platform, Truth Social.“You know, he claims he won’t go back on Twitter, but he 100 percent will go back on Twitter, and then this dumb new company he conned everybody out of their money for will become, I guess, the social media equivalent of a Radio Shack — a Radio Shack that is run by Devin Nunes.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, so Truth Social is competition for Twitter the same way that guy on the plane was competition for Mike Tyson.” — TREVOR NOAH“Also, it doesn’t bode well that Trump himself has only posted on Truth Social one time ever. Yeah, and that was two months ago. Think about how crazy that is, people — when he was on Twitter, Trump would send out, what, like 50 tweets every time he went to the bathroom? Now he hasn’t posted for two months. Somebody needs to get this guy prune juice fast!” — TREVOR NOAH“I’ll be honest, though, the only reason I would want Trump back on Twitter, the only reason, because — I know, yes, it would probably lead to another term and it would destroy the country — but I just, I just really want to see his Wordle scores.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Keep Them Separated Edition)“Today, it was announced that Vice President Kamala Harris has tested positive for Covid-19. Yeah, President Biden told her to take her time recovering. He was like, ‘When I was V.P., I was gone for two years and nobody even noticed.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Thankfully, Harris is feeling good and will remain isolated just like she has since taking office.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, the White House said that Harris has been nowhere near Biden for over a week, which pretty much tells you all you need to know about that relationship.” — JIMMY FALLON“I don’t know, did they have a fight over a jelly bean? Why haven’t they seen each other in eight days?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers tackled Tucker Carlson and Tom Brady in Tuesday’s “Back in My Day” segment on “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe B-52’s will perform on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” ahead of the band’s farewell tour.Also, Check This Out“I wanted to go out with a beautiful bang,” said Pamela Adlon, who co-created the FX series “Better Things.” The show draws heavily from her own life.OK McCausland for The New York TimesPamela Adlon bids a bittersweet adieu to her semi-autobiographical show, “Better Things.” More

    • 125 Shares149 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Muses on Elon Musk’s Deal to Buy Twitter

      by

      Trevor Noah joked that owning Twitter would give Musk “more power than the drugstore employee with the key to the deodorant shelf.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Elon Musk Is VerifiableAfter initially being denied, Elon Musk reached a deal to buy Twitter on Monday for roughly $44 billion.“It’s the hottest and messiest relationship drama this side of ‘Riverdale,’ and it looks like after weeks of flirtation and fighting, the new couple has officially done the deed,” Trevor Noah joked on Monday’s “Daily Show.”“That’s right, people. Twitter said it would never sell to Elon Musk, and then he produced the cash and they’re like, ‘All right, we’ll sell.’ Yeah, I guess they found that edit button after all.” — TREVOR NOAH“I honestly don’t know why Elon would want to own Twitter, all right? It just doesn’t feel like a fun place to supervise. It’s like buying Jurassic Park after the power went down and the cages are open.” — TREVOR NOAH“So you see, by buying Twitter, Elon Music gets to own one of the most culturally influential publishing platforms in the world. I mean, remember this; think about it: Twitter is how the Arab Spring took off, all right? Black Lives Matter blew up on Twitter, the Me Too movement started on Twitter, Trump used Twitter to turn himself from a reality show joke into the 45th president of the United States and a joke. So owning Twitter gives you more power than the drugstore employee with the key to the deodorant shelf.” — TREVOR NOAH“He said he wants to transform Twitter as a platform for free speech around the globe. Yeah, that’s the problem with Twitter — no one can say what they think. They’re holding back.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Twitter’s an odd thing to buy, you know? It’s like buying YouTube and saying, ‘Forget the videos — I’m just here for the mean comments.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, the richest man in the world bought Twitter. Right now Bernie Sanders is so mad he just turned into the Hulk.” — JIMMY FALLON“Imagine having so much money that you think it’s a good idea to buy hell.” — JAMES CORDEN“Yeah, everything that happens on Twitter from now on is up to him — and also whatever strain his weed guy gives him that day. I’m just saying: He gets the wrong Sativa, there could be a race war, people; prepare yourselves.” — TREVOR NOAH“He sees something impossible and he makes it happen: building the most sought-after electric car, blasting off into outer space and, now, somehow making Twitter even worse.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Whose Truth? Edition)“Yeah, Musk has said that he’s pro-free speech, so a lot of people think that he’ll let former President Trump back on the platform. Yeah, not exactly what we meant when we asked for a return to prepandemic vibes.” — JIMMY FALLON“The caps lock key on Trump’s phone was like, ‘I’m back, baby.’” — JIMMY FALLON“But listen to this, today Trump told Fox News that he will not return to Twitter and will instead join his own platform, Truth Social. Wait, so not even Trump is on Truth Social yet?” — JIMMY FALLON“He’s not on his own app? If you’re keeping track, Twitter and Truth Social are like the Four Seasons and Four Seasons Total Landscaping.” — JIMMY FALLON“That is the name of his latest failure. Trump lies so much he can’t even say the word ‘truth.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingBill Hader, star of “Barry,” told Jimmy Kimmel how his young daughter pranked him in public in front of Chris Pratt.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightElisabeth Moss will talk about her new Apple TV+ series, “Shining Girls,” on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutAlice Walker, Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist and poet, with her dog, Ede, at her home in Litho, Calif., on April 4. Marissa Leshnov for The New York TimesThe celebrated author Alice Walker opens up to readers with “Gathering Blossoms Under Fire,” a collection of her diaries spanning 1965 to 2000. More