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      Late Night Recaps Biden’s Annual ‘Status Update’

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      Trevor Noah joked Biden’s speech was “like a birthday card from a 4-year-old: A lot of words didn’t make sense, but you got what it was trying to say.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.America Has Updated Its StatusLate night hosts recapped President Biden’s State of the Union address on Wednesday night, which Trevor Noah called “the one night a year where the president gives the country a status update about how things are going.”“Let’s talk about the State of the Union address, the one night a year Joe Biden stays up past 6 p.m.” — TREVOR NOAH“Biden spoke for 62 minutes. Well, actually he spoke for 10 with 52 minutes of clapping.” — JIMMY FALLON“More than 33 million Americans watched Grampotus speak for more than an hour. He announced he will release 60 million barrels of oil from our national reserve, which is good news for Ted Cruz’s hair.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Last night, President Biden gave the shortest State of the Union address since 2016, clocking in at one hour and two minutes. The shortest — I like this trend. I like it. Let’s get it down — let’s get it down to one TikTok, just save us all a bunch of time.” — JAMES CORDEN“You know, at times this speech was like a birthday card from a 4-year-old: A lot of words didn’t make sense, but you got what it was trying to say.” — TREVOR NOAH“But aside from policing and Covid and Ukraine, Biden also brought up a lot of policies last night that he wanted Congress to pass this year, like letting Medicare negotiate the price of drugs and doubling clean energy production and raising taxes on corporations, and strengthening voting rights — which are all great ideas that I can’t wait for him to bring up again at next year’s State of the Union. Because, I mean, if we’re honest, none of that [expletive] is going to pass through this Congress.” — TREVOR NOAH“According to a new poll, 71 percent of Americans who watched President Biden’s State of the Union address had a positive reaction to the speech. But let’s be honest: Everyone who would have had a negative reaction was watching ‘Yellowstone.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Him Who? Edition)“I’m sorry: ‘God protect our troops — Go get him.’ Get who? Go get God?” — TREVOR NOAH, on Joe Biden’s yelling “Go get him!” at the end of his State of the Union speech“Right after, Putin called Trump and was like, [imitating Putin] ‘Is he talking about me?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Go get him who? Does Biden just randomly shout, ‘Go get him’ sometimes? I mean, it would explain why his dog kept attacking people.” — TREVOR NOAH“Who are we supposed to go get? Putin? Pokemon?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Mike Pence was watching from home and was like, ‘Not again. What did I do this time?’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth Watching“Tonight Show” guest Zoë Kravitz took Jimmy Fallon in a game of “Can You Feel It?” where they guess objects they can’t see by touch alone.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSerena Williams will sit down with Trevor Noah for the first time on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This Out“The Dropout” tracks the rise and fall of Elizabeth Holmes and the start-up Theranos. From left: Elizabeth Meriwether, the creator; Amanda Seyfried, the star; and Rebecca Jarvis, the journalist whose podcast inspired the series.Jingyu Lin for The New York TimesThe women behind “The Dropout” seek to humanize Elizabeth Holmes in their new Hulu series about the disgraced tech entrepreneur. More

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      Stephen Colbert Grades Biden’s First State of the Union Address

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      “Many lawmakers wore the colors of the Ukrainian flag, blue and yellow,” Colbert said. “It’s a show of solidarity not seen since the last ‘Minions’ movie.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not So Civil UnionStephen Colbert went live on Tuesday night after President Biden’s first State of the Union address.“And let me tell you, it was a roller-coaster ride of rip roaring reasonableness,” Colbert said of Biden’s speech.”A roller coaster ride of rip roaring reasonableness.”- @StephenAtHome on President Biden’s #StateOfTheUnion speech. #LateShowLIVE pic.twitter.com/axxKy2F1xq— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) March 2, 2022
      “Keep in mind, a week ago, this was going to be a totally different speech. But when Ukraine was invaded, the world changed. Because right now, there is a dictator who thinks he can violently conquer a sovereign democracy, but Joe Biden beat him in the last election.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Many lawmakers wore the colors of the Ukrainian flag, blue and yellow. It’s a show of solidarity not seen since the last ‘Minions’ movie.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Not everyone was focused on the speech. Kevin McCarthy was there but busy looking at his phone. To be fair, today’s Wordle was pretty tricky.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course the minority leader in the House not paying attention looked disrespectful. But keep in mind, he might’ve been on Amazon shopping for a spine.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Four Horsemen Edition)“It was a tough speech. Biden said that even though the country is divided right now — right now, we all need to come together and agree that the ‘Sex and the City’ reboot wasn’t anywhere near what we hoped it would be.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, it was historic — 400 representatives, 100 senators and Size 96 font on the teleprompter.” — JIMMY FALLON“But the State of our Union is as strong as Kim and Kanye right now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, Biden was at the podium with Kamala Harris and Nancy Pelosi right behind him. Fox News was like, ‘Throw in Hillary and you’ve got all Four Horsemen.’” — JIMMY FALLON“During his speech, Biden introduced his new unity agenda. Unity agenda, yeah. And you can tell it worked because every single Republican ignored him.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel struggled to get through their song praising the Supreme Court hopeful Ketanji Brown Jackson.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightZoë Kravitz will talk about playing Catwoman (Selina Kyle) in the new “Batman” film on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutIn her new memoir, Amy Bloom writes about helping her husband to end his life after a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. More

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      Trevor Noah Reviews Putin’s Attempt at a Soviet Reunion

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      If bringing back the Soviet Union is Putin’s goal, the “Daily Show” host joked, long lines are a good start.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Like Old TimesTrevor Noah was off the air last week, so he dedicated Monday’s “Daily Show” to the current situation in Ukraine, referring to it as “the largest European conflict since World War II — or when Harry and Meghan left the royals.”“Because it’s always been Putin’s wet dream to reunite the Soviet Union, you know? Sort of the same way Disney wants to tie all of its franchises together. Yeah, now Mickey is fighting Thanos? That’s weird, but profitable.” — TREVOR NOAH“Well, damn, Putin’s goal was to bring back the glory days of the Soviet Union. People waiting hours in long lines is definitely a start.” — TREVOR NOAH“They’re cutting off banking, they’re arming their enemies, and on top of that, airlines are stopping flights to and from Russia, which in my opinion might be one of the worst things. Because I mean the best part about going to Russia is that you can fly out of Russia. Now they don’t even have that.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yes, the threat of nuclear annihilation may have increased; yes, we may be on the brink of World War III; and, yes, Europe is once again at the mercy of one power-hungry dictator, but on the bright side, when was the last time you thought about Covid, huh?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Taking Sides Edition)“Even famously neutral Switzerland is taking action against Russia. Switzerland, the people who never take a side, are taking a side on this.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Switzerland has a knife out for Russia, and since it’s a Swiss knife, it comes with little scissors, a toothpick and a corkscrew.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Swiss don’t get involved in war. They don’t get involved in alliances. My dad didn’t get involved in my life. I would ask him to hug me, and he’d tell me that his official policy was to stay neutral.” — TREVOR NOAH, whose father is Swiss-German“The Swiss president said, ‘Russia’s attack cannot be accepted regarding international law, this cannot be accepted politically, and this cannot be accepted morally.’ And these are the people who gave Hitler a safe deposit box, so.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is Switzerland, who may I remind you didn’t take a side when it came to Hitler, but they looked at Russia and said, ‘OK, you’ve gone too far.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is like the Dalai Lama grabbin’ a buck knife and an AK and screaming, ‘Kill ’em all! Let the Buddha sort ’em out.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Imagine being sanctioned by a country that has been neutral for hundreds of years. It would be like Tom Hanks telling a child to go [expletive] himself.” — JAMES CORDEN“They have frozen Russian assets and closed Swiss airspace, which is helpful. And now not only is Putin in hot water, he’s in hot chocolate too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“So to recap, Russia has now lost the Taliban and the Swiss. The most and least violent people in the world are united against Russia right now.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Saturday Night Live” star Kate McKinnon faced off against Jimmy Fallon in a word game called “Hey Robot.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightSandra Oh will talk about the end of “Killing Eve” on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutHarvey Fierstein writes about his life and career in his new memoir, “I Was Better Last Night.” More

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      Late Night Gets Serious About Ukraine

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      Hosts did their best to bring levity to their shows on an otherwise somber day.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.What Is It Good For?Late night hosts got serious on Thursday discussing Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.Stephen Colbert called it “a dark day.”“Over the last five years, we’ve seen democracy repeatedly undermined, tragic, unprecedented firestorms, a global pandemic,” Colbert said. “Well this morning, Vladimir Putin looked at all of that and said, ‘Hold my vodka.’”James Corden forewent any attempt at jokes at the top of his show and delivered a somber monologue instead.“But today, if you are thinking about the news, there is really only one news story, and that news is so dark. That a war has begun, a sovereign country has been invaded, and all day today, and then tonight, and now as I sit here, I can’t — all I can think about is the innocent men and women and children in Ukraine who are terrified for their lives and I don’t know how to process it. Like, I don’t even know how to talk about this to my own children, let alone begin talking to you about it on television. And it’s weird, you know, like just because I wear a suit and I sit behind this desk, it doesn’t really mean anything. I am not nearly qualified enough to speak about these events. I’m not. And I don’t really want to make jokes about any other trivial news story that we found today, because I can’t shake the feeling of how utterly terrifying all of this is, and how scared the people of Ukraine must be feeling today; how scared everyone in Eastern Europe must be feeling today. And I’m sure I can’t fathom that this is happening in 2022 and the ramifications of this are monumental, and we should be under no illusion of how serious and sad the situation in Ukraine is. So, I don’t know what to say other than our thoughts are with every single person in Ukraine tonight.”— JAMES CORDEN“Amidst all this horror, it’s important to keep our eyes on the unhinged fascist lunatic,” Colbert said, referring to former president Donald Trump, who doubled down on his support of Putin.“You know, it’s hard to do a comedy show when there’s a war going on, but we are here while more than 6,000 miles away, women and children are fleeing Ukraine. Men aged 18 to 60 are required to stay and fight as Russian forces continue their unprovoked attack — an attack that has been received here in the United States, like, I don’t remember anything like this, in that some of us seem OK with it. You know, typically we would band together in a situation like this. We’d be united, but that was before the great divider chopped us in half.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Russian President Vladimir Putin declared war last night against Ukraine, and this is nice: Trump offered to host the after party.” — SETH MEYERS“So, if you were like most people, you were shocked and horrified. But if you were Donald Trump, apparently you were at Mar-a-Lago watching it with a bunch of Palm Beach plastic surgeons and their third wives and thinking, ‘You really got to hand it to Vladimir Putin.’” — SETH MEYERS“While Vladimir Putin is being condemned by leaders and ambassadors from every democratic country around the world, Donald Trump, our former president, was complimenting him and, of course, himself, while bombs were falling on a country that did nothing to provoke an invasion.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Then, as the invasion began, the ex-prez took to Russian state media — sorry, I misread that: Fox News.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It takes a special kind of a son of a [expletive] to see innocent people fleeing their homes and think, ‘How can I make this about me?’ But nobody does that better than Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Can you imagine if any other president behaved this way? This would be like if during World War II, Hoover came out and said, ‘Attaboy, Adolf. Sweet mustache. I love what you’re doing there.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Say ‘Aaaah!’ Edition)“As you know, Russia is now at war with Ukraine. It is a crazy world we’re living in. In fact, today President Biden asked the C.D.C. to find a new variant just to lighten the mood.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Russian president Vladimir Putin has launched a full-scale invasion of Ukraine. I think Putin has lost his mind. Even Kim Jong-un was like, ‘You’re not actually supposed to do it.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, World War III, a global pandemic, the queen has Covid, rising inflation. Billy Joel’s already working on a remix of ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Listen, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but one thing’s for sure: Putin should fire those peacekeepers. You had one job!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is the biggest ground war in Europe since World War II, and the whole world is in shock. That’s why today’s Wordle was ‘Aaaah!’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “The Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon, Questlove and Higgins tried to guess if an audience member was hiding a mustache under his mask.Also, Check This OutNaomi Watts in “The Desperate Hour,” directed by Phillip Noyce.Vertical EntertainmentNaomi Watts plays a mother whose morning jog becomes a nightmare in Phillip Noyce’s new thriller “The Desperate Hour.” More

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      Seth Meyers Considers Trump’s Putin Praise

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      Meyers joked that Trump “narrates Putin’s every move like he is Tony Romo calling the last drive of a playoff game.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Piling on the PraiseLate-night hosts couldn’t avoid talking about Russia again on Wednesday night, pointing out that Donald Trump had been praising Vladimir Putin during a recent interview with a right-wing radio show.Trump called Putin “savvy” and his political strategy “genius,” which Seth Meyers joked was “a pretty brilliant way to make Putin second-guess himself.”“The entire world is aghast and horrified. The only people who could possibly think this is a good move are those unemployed fringe weirdos who go on small radio shows.” — SETH MEYERS“Keep in mind Trump also used the words ‘savvy’ and ‘genius’ to describe McDonald’s Dollar Menu.” — JIMMY FALLON“So honestly, I’m not sure you want to be called a genius by the guy that clogged the White House toilet with classified documents.” — JIMMY FALLON“I haven’t seen a president cheer on the Russians this hard since the Cuban missile crisis when Eisenhower wore the T-shirt, ‘Khrushchev is a Zaddy!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And even when he was president, Trump was always so desperate to buddy up with Putin, even Putin couldn’t believe it. Trump was like those rookie defensive backs who would stop Tom Brady after the game for an autograph: ‘Hey, I know I’m on the other team but huge fan, don’t tell my coach.’” — SETH MEYERS“Putin always had that smile on his face when he was next to Trump like, ‘I can’t believe how easy this is.’” — SETH MEYERS“It’s just insane that Trump is still so desperate to praise a bloodthirsty tyrant like Putin every chance he gets. Trump narrates Putin’s every move like he is Tony Romo calling the last drive of a playoff game.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Best of the Rest Edition)“This year, the Oscars are planning to prerecord some awards before the ceremony and air them during the live broadcast. Even more insulting, before the awards are presented, the announcer will say, ‘And now, the categories nobody cares about.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The categories that will not get the usual live on-air treatment are documentary short, makeup, hairstyling, original score, production design, animated short, live action short, sound, and editing — although it does feel ironic for the editors to be cut out of the show.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If they really want to shorten the broadcast, maybe just skip the part where someone explains what an actor is.” — JIMMY FALLON“But how could they do this? I mean, who could forget that magical moment in 1975 when Ronald Pierce and Melvin Metcalfe won best sound for ‘Earthquake’?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I think they should go even further: boil it down to best actor, best actress and best picture, and we can all get to sleep.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingTracee Ellis Ross took on Jimmy Fallon in a few founds of “Sing it Like” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightPamela Adlon will talk about the final season of her FX show “Better Things” on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutBeanie Feldstein, center, rehearsing “His Love Makes You Beautiful” with members of the cast.George Etheredge for The New York TimesBeanie Feldstein is prepared to take on the iconic Barbra Streisand role in Broadway’s long-awaited reboot of “Funny Girl.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Riffs on Joe Biden’s Sanctions Against Russia

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      Colbert said Putin sought to keep the peace, and imitated Russia’s president: “I keep this piece of Ukraine. I keep that piece of Ukraine. I keep all the pieces of Ukraine.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Putin, the Piece-KeeperRussia’s imminent invasion of Ukraine was the talk of late night on Tuesday, when Stephen Colbert sought to answer why Vladimir Putin planned to send troops into another country.“He claims it’s to carry out ‘peacekeeping functions,’ and it’s true,” Colbert said. “I keep this piece of Ukraine. I keep that piece of Ukraine. I keep all the pieces of Ukraine. I am piece-keeping,” he said, imitating Putin.“Putin appears to be inching toward a full-scale attack on Ukraine. Trump, of course, called him a genius and called the idea ‘wonderful’ today. What kind of hotel room hidden camera video does that Putin have? We want to see it already.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Putin sent what he and Trump refer to as a ‘peacekeeping’ force into Ukraine on today — which is 2/22/22 — because he invaded Georgia, Putin did, the country, not the state on Aug. 8, 2008 — 08/08/08. Can that be a coincidence? Oh, yeah, it can? Oh, it can? OK.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Biden gave a speech today at the White House and said that Russia’s invasion of Ukraine has officially begun. Biden didn’t mean to say that, but Putin invaded his teleprompter, too.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, Biden also used his speech to announce a bunch of new sanctions against Russia. Yeah, nothing stops a dictator in his tracks like raising his A.T.M. fees.” — JIMMY FALLON“So, that means no Russian money in the U.S. There goes Tucker Carlson’s sponsors.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“From now on, Russia doesn’t get the new Wordle until noon.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s not just the president — the Senate is preparing its own list of sanctions and, reportedly, Republican lawmakers are itching to sanction Putin’s romantic partner. Putin’s romantic partner? So, the horse?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, Biden said, ‘We will not put up with Russian aggression, especially on such an important national holiday, Twosday.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Twosday Edition)“Yeah, ‘Twosday’ because it’s Tuesday 2-22-22. Yeah, this only happens once every 100 years. President Biden was like, ‘I didn’t care then, I didn’t care now.’” — JIMMY FALLON“As you just heard, tonight is 2/22/22, also known as the day the calendar maker fell asleep on his keyboard.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Tonight we honor the most underappreciated number — two. The number it takes to tango. The number of scoops in Kellogg’s Raisin Bran. Without two, there would be no movie sequels. ‘E’ would equal MC nothin’.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The last time an all two date happened was Feb. 22, 1922. American women had just recently won the right to vote, Amelia Earhart bought her first plane. Now President Joe Biden just passed his first gallstone.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “The Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon played Good Name, Bad Name, Great Name with the famous monikers of bands, movies, video games and snacks.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightBillie Eilish will chat with Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutThe actresses Sandra Oh, left, and Jodie Comer. Their characters in “Killing Eve” chased each other across multiple continents, sharing a destructive mutual obsession.   Bethany Mollenkof for The New York TimesSandra Oh and Jodie Comer say goodbye to “Killing Eve” after four seasons together. More

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      Trevor Noah: Russia Loves Playing Chess

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      Noah said Russia has been preparing to play chess while Americans “love dumb games now,” poking fun at a preference for Wordle.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.What’s ‘Checkmate’ in Russian?Russia continued to threaten to invade Ukraine on Thursday despite claims that its forces would be pulling back from the border.“I’m not going to lie, guys: It wouldn’t be a surprise if Russia was being sneaky,” Trevor Noah said. “I mean, this is the same country that hides dolls inside bigger dolls. Do you know how sick you have to be to do that?”“But America is certain — they’re certain — that Russia is still planning to invade. In fact, today the U.S. Secretary of State even said what Russia might do to justify an invasion is launch fake or even real chemical weapons at themselves and then blame it on Ukraine. Yeah, yeah, first of all, uh, spoilers, hello!” — TREVOR NOAH“Secondly, can you imagine that, staging a chemical attack on yourself to justify your invasion? That’s pretty messed up, especially for the Russian soldiers who have to carry out the mission: [imitating Russian soldier] ‘So we launch this on ourselves but this is fake, yes?’ [imitating another Russian soldier] ‘Yeah, we will find out when bomb explodes. Mystery, excitement.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And you know, people, as erratic as the Russians’ actions might seem, you understand what they’re doing right now, right? They’re playing chess. This is literally what chess is all about: [imitating chess player] ‘Oh, I’m moving forward. I’m moving backwards. I’m attacking. No, I’m not. The horse is going this way, then it turns.’ This is what Russia is doing — and the Russians love playing chess. They’ve been designed for this moment. Meanwhile, the rest of us, we don’t play chess anymore. We love dumb games now. We’re like, ‘Uh, I need a five-letter word that ends in d-e. Plate? No.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pillow Drop Edition)“Lindell has a plan to support the Canadian truckers, and you’ll never guess what it is — send them a bunch of MyPillows.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on MyPillow C.E.O. Mike Lindell“Lindell loaded up a truck with 10,000 pillows — almost as many as on the bed in your great-aunt’s guest room.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Who would’ve ever guessed his voter fraud crusade would wind up being the second-craziest thing he’s done?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Mike told The Daily Beast his backup plan was to fly a helicopter over the border and drop the pillows from the sky. Then he claimed he was trolling the reporter. But at this point, how would we have any way of knowing when you’re joking or not?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“OK, so the Canadian border guards are stopping him from driving into the country, so he’s playing it safe by using a helicopter to violate their airspace. Good thing he’s got those 10,000 pillows — they can cushion the fall when the Canadian air force shoots his [expletive] down.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And another question, why are you sending pillows to Canada? They have pillows. I think that’s where Canadian geese come from, Canada.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJordan Klepper went straight to the source and talked with Canadian truckers protesting the Covid-19 vaccine mandate on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutAdam Makké as Noah and Sharon D. Clarke as Caroline in the recent Broadway revival of “Caroline, or Change.”Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesJason Zinoman investigates the long, rich Jewish tradition of grappling with antisemitism by laughing at it. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Critiques Donald's Trump's Financial Claims

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      “Only Donald Trump would defend himself against charges that he overvalued his assets by re-overvaluing his assets,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Poor ResponseDonald Trump responded on Tuesday to being dropped by his longtime accounting firm Mazars USA with a four-page statement, writing, among other things, that the Trump brand is worth more than he previously claimed.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel joked that Trump’s response is the longest thing he’s written “since he threatened to sue Gritty for stealing his look.”“Trump wrote at length: ‘We have a great company with fantastic assets that are unique, extremely valuable and, in many cases, far more valuable than what was listed in our financial statements.’ Only Donald Trump would defend himself against charges that he overvalued his assets by re-overvaluing his assets.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He also lashed out at the New York attorney general and D.A., who happen to be Black. He wrote, ‘After five years of constant bombardment, this political and racist attack must stop.’ Now that’s a good one: rich white guy claiming racism. You almost have to hand it to him. That’s like — that’s like Hawaii claiming tourism. That’s ridiculous.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Holy Moly Edition)“Since we were young, many of us have been taught the same story, right? Be good, pray every day and you’ll get into heaven. What your grandmother probably didn’t mention is that a paperwork issue could send you to hell.” — TREVOR NOAH“Here’s what happened: For two decades, Father Andres Arango performed the sacrament with the words, ‘We baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.’ However, the Vatican instructs priests to say ‘I baptize.’ Why can’t it be ‘we’? If anyone would understand, it’s God — he’s three persons in one god. I’m sure he gets it mixed up all the time.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“[imitating God] Hello, hi, hi. Could I get a reservation for three? No, it’s just me.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Wait, wait, I’m sorry, what? All the baptisms are invalid because of one — no, one word? This is like the worst thing a Catholic priest has ever done.” — TREVOR NOAH“Saying the wrong word during a baptism seems like a fun goof-them-up, but according to the local diocese, if you get the words wrong, ‘the baptism is deemed invalid, and if an individual was improperly baptized and later received other sacraments, they may need to repeat some or all of those sacraments.’ That’s right, you’re going to have to redo first communion, so squeeze that fat [expletive] back into that tiny suit, get back up there and stay in the suit, because you’re getting remarried.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Church leaders investigated and found that Father Arango had incorrectly performed thousands of baptisms over more than 20 years. Of course, this was just a priest at a baptism. It could be worse — it could have been a rabbi at a bris.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Like, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to hear that the Catholic Church cares about people’s pronouns, but this seems like a minor mistake to me.” — TREVOR NOAH“You know, like I would understand if the priest accidentally cleansed their souls in White Claw, that I would get. But this doesn’t seem like a huge deal.” — TREVOR NOAH“And what’s going to happen to all the people who weren’t actually baptized — what happens to them now, huh? Are they going to go to hell for someone else’s mistake? That’s so unfair. Everyone else who gets to go to hell goes there because they got to have some fun first, you know?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingDaniel Craig talked with Stephen Colbert about providing 2,022 New York students with free tickets to see him in “Macbeth” on Broadway.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Zola” director Janicza Bravo will appear on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutMelanie Metz for The New York TimesTwenty-five largely unseen works said to be by Jean-Michel Basquiat are on display in Orlando, Fla., but some question their authenticity. More