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      Late Night Observes ‘Debate Night Eve’

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      Jimmy Kimmel predicted Kamala Harris and Donald Trump will face questions “on all the big issues: the economy, immigration, electrocution, sharks.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Night BeforeVice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump will meet for their only scheduled debate on Tuesday night.On Monday, Jimmy Kimmel predicted the candidates will field questions “on all the big issues: the economy, immigration, electrocution, sharks — everything we care about.”“It’s Debate Night Eve, so don’t forget to put out some milk and cookies for Santa and then give him two minutes for a rebuttal.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, both candidates are very busy with last-minute preparations. Right now, Trump is trying to decide which shade of bronzer: jack-o’-lantern orange or burned corn on the cob?” — JIMMY FALLON“How could you possibly prepare to debate Donald Trump? This is a man who, if he doesn’t like the direction a hurricane is going, just draws a new hurricane on the map — you can’t debate that.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump, of course, is claiming that the debate is rigged against him, even though it hasn’t happened yet. Over the weekend, he announced that no boxes or artificial lifts will be allowed for Kamala — who is 5-foot-4 — to stand on because he says, ‘It would be a form of cheating, and the Democrats cheat enough.’ That’s right. You know, cheating is only allowed when it comes to wives, taxes and every round of golf that he’s ever played.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There’s a lot riding on this. If Kamala doesn’t do well, you know, come January, our national bird might be the Kentucky Fried Chicken.” — JIMMY KIMMEL‘An Honor Just to be Nominated’An article in Rolling Stone said that while Trump was president, he tried to persuade Justice Department officials to use campaign finance laws and equal-time broadcast regulations to rule that anti-Trump jokes on late-night shows were illegal. Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel were among those on Trump’s list of targets.“Finally, I made an enemies list!” Colbert said. “I mean, obviously, there’s no guarantee I’ll be arrested, but it’s an honor just to be nominated.”“I’m now imagining me and all the other late-night hosts in prison together like the mobsters in ‘Goodfellas.’ I’m stirring the sauce, Colbert’s slicing the garlic with a razor blade.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“No doubt it’ll all be decided this weekend in Los Angeles — whoever wins the Emmy for best talk show will be sent to a camp: ‘And the gulag goes to …’ So, to my old colleague Jon Stewart, I just want you to know, I voted for you.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“How would this work for Jon Stewart? Would he only go to jail on Mondays?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Change of Heart Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Seth Meyers: Trump and Vance ‘Can’t Beat the Weird Charges’

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      The “Late Night” host said that Republican efforts to turn the accusations back on Democrats are “only making things worse.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Weird FlexFormer President Donald Trump participated in a Fox News town hall on Wednesday night, where he rejected claims that he and his running mate, JD Vance, are “weird” and said that they are both “solid.”“First of all, the opposite of weird isn’t solid — it’s normal,” Seth Meyers said on Thursday. “Republicans can’t beat the weird charges, so now they’re trying to turn them back around on Democrats, but in doing so, they’re only making things worse.”“He hates this so much that he can’t stop bringing it up, and now when it comes to Tim Walz, his defense is, ‘I’m not weird — you’re weird!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Right, right — I’m just a regular guy who lives in a gold house and has an orange face.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I love how unprompted he immediately just throws Vance under the bus. [imitating town hall host] ‘Mr. President, how would you solve inflation?’ [imitating Trump] ‘Well, you know, everyone’s saying JD is a very weird man, you know. He’s obsessed with childless women, and he can’t even order doughnuts without creeping everybody out, but you know, I don’t think he’s weird.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Dunkin’ Edition)“I had such secondhand embarrassment watching that that I had to peer through my hands like it was a ‘Saw’ movie.” — SETH MEYERS, on Vance’s strained interaction with the employees at a doughnut shop“This dude orders doughnuts like his kidnapper is watching him from the car.” — SETH MEYERS“[imitating Vance] How long have I been in this doughnut shop? Forever? OK, good.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Let me ask you a question: Is JD Vance a doughnut? Because Walz is dunkin’ him.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingParis Hilton gifted Jimmy Fallon an honorary degree from her “BBA” on Thursday’s Tonight Show.Also, Check This OutWinona Ryder and Michael Keaton, who both starred in the original “Beetlejuice” movie, return for “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.”Warner Bros.Thirty-five years after the debut of “Beetlejuice,” Michael Keaton has reprised the iconic titular role in a long-awaited sequel. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Laughs Off a Verbal Stumble

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      Kimmel mocked Donald Trump for flubbing words before doing so himself on Wednesday, saying, “That’s why I’m not going to be president.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Consider the SourceIn an interview with Chris Cuomo on Tuesday, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. affirmed his support of former President Donald Trump and implied that Vice President Kamala Harris couldn’t put together a proper English sentence.“We need a president who can put together an English sentence like this guy,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday night before playing several clips of Trump garbling the pronunciation of words.“The only sentence Donald Trump can put together is a prison sentence.” — JIMMY KIMMELMoving on to news about Lara and Tiffany Trump’s X accounts being hacked, Kimmel himself stumbled over the phrase “officially sanctioned crypto scams.” He laughed at the ironic timing: “Now I’m like him.”“You know what? That’s — that’s karma. That’s why I’m not going to be president.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Nothing But a Z Thing Edition)“Guys, Election Day is just two months away, and a new poll shows that only a third of Gen Z voters support former President Trump. That makes sense — Trump thinks Gen Z is the rapper married to Beyoncé.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right — only a third of Gen Z supports Trump, while the rest plan to vote Skibidi Toilet.” — JIMMY FALLON“Kamala is also trying to reach young voters. That is so important. I am also reaching out to young people, mostly to ask, how do you do that thing on Uber where you add a stop?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth Watching50 Cent, whose real name is Curtis Jackson, promoted his debut novel, “The Accomplice,” on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe country singer Miranda Lambert will perform a track from her new album, “Postcards From Texas,” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutMassima Bell, left, and Dust Reid, the creative team behind the new charity album “Transa.”Gabriel PetraSam Smith, Sade, André 3000 and Jayne County are among several artists featured on “Transa,” a 46-track album promoting transgender awareness. More

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      Stephen Colbert Takes Stock of Harris Leading in the Polls

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      Colbert reacted to a survey showing the vice president ahead of Donald Trump, 48 percent to 43 percent, saying it “really restores my faith in almost half of humanity.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Almost HalfNine weeks before Election Day, late-night hosts on Tuesday celebrated Kamala Harris’s lead in the polls.“Forty-eight percent,” Stephen Colbert said, referring to a recent USA Today survey in which Harris led Donald Trump, 48 percent to 43 percent. “That really restores my faith in almost half of humanity.”“Harris is particularly popular with women, while Trump is ahead among men, leading some to call this ‘the boys versus girls election.’ And, remember, many Trump voters are not vaccinated against cooties.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A new poll found that Harris has widened her lead among women to 13 points. Thirteen. Trump heard the news and was like, ‘Was it everything I said?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Today, Trump’s aides were like, ‘You need to reach out to women.’ Then a few seconds later, they’re like, ‘No, never mind! Just forget what we said and go back to eating the hot dogs.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Hot Dog Edition)“I don’t know if you saw it on Netflix, but I came in third in the hot dog eating contest.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Speaking of food, in a Netflix Labor Day special, Joey Chestnut beat Kobayashi in a hot-dog eating contest by eating a record 83 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Eighty-three hot dogs in 10 minutes — that’s basically me at every wedding when they pass around the pigs in a blanket.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, he put down 83 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Netflix was, like, ‘If you like this, you might enjoy “Bridgerton.”’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe pop artist Billie Eilish shared a clip of her working on the song “Birds of a Feather” with her brother and collaborator, Finneas O’Connell, on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night“The Gilded Age” star Carrie Coon will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutDaniel Craig in Venice. He said “Queer” is the kind of explicit film that was “challenging but hopefully incredibly accessible.”Fabio Frustaci/EPA, via ShutterstockDaniel Craig stars as a drug addict with a penchant for sex and heroin in Luca Guadagnino’s new film adaptation of the William S. Burroughs novel “Queer.” More

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      Jon Stewart Goes Live From Chicago on the Last Night of the D.N.C.

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      After Kamala Harris accepted the nomination, Stewart mused: “How funny would it have been if at the end she was like, ‘But seriously, though: not for me.’”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Kamala FTWVice President Kamala Harris accepted her party’s presidential nomination on Day 4 of the Democratic National Convention on Thursday.Jon Stewart called it “Kamala’s Night” on “The Daily Show,” saying, “How funny would it have been if at the end she was like, ‘But seriously, though: not for me. This has all been great, but I’ve been thinking it over.’”“Kamala Harris’s speech was everything we’ve been waiting for all week. She hit her opponent on his policy failures. She hit him on his dereliction of duty. She hit him on his lies, his treason and his crimes and his crimes and his crimes. She is a prosecutor in the trial of Donald J. Trump. He is guilty as charged and now it is time to sentence him to four to eight years of President Harris.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But credit where credit is due: the Democrats, on short notice, exploited their newfound momentum and enthusiasm with a display of the breadth and width of this diverse, often contradictory party of Roosevelt. At their convention, they had union leaders and C.E.O.s. They had Democratic Party icons and lifelong Republicans. They had a guy yelling, ‘Screw the billionaires!’ followed immediately by a very happy billionaire. [imitating a Democrat:] ‘It’s all OK if it’s our billionaire. I don’t like billionaires, but he’s all right.’” — JON STEWART, referring to Bernie Sanders and Gov. JB Pritzker“Listen to me: Whatever you’re feeling, go with it. Whether that feeling is joy or perhaps relief at having a chance when you had none is exhilarating.” — JON STEWARTThe Punchiest Punchlines (What a Difference a Month Can Make Edition)“A lot can change in a month. Right now, Kamala’s campaign headquarters are buzzing, while Biden’s have been turned into a Spirit Halloween.” — JIMMY FALLON“Meanwhile, last night, Tim Walz officially accepted the nomination to be vice president. Now, a month ago, nobody knew Tim Walz, and now he’s famous. Even the Hawk Tuah Girl was like, ‘Damn, that was quick.’” — JIMMY FALLON“In his speech last night at the Democratic National Convention, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz told the crowd, ‘Never underestimate a public-school teacher.’ He’s right. My mother is a public-school teacher, and she can drink way more than you’d think.” — SETH MEYERS“In one month, they have raised around $500 million. Congratulations, Democrats, you can stop texting now.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingPop star Sabrina Carpenter performed her hit “Please Please Please” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutCash Cobain, 26, has released six projects since 2021, including his breakthrough mixtape, “2 Slizzy 2 Sexy.”Andre D. Wagner for The New York TimesThe breakout rapper and producer Cash Cobain is a central figure of “sexy drill.” More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Counts Down to the First Presidential Debate

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      Kimmel doubted that Donald Trump would stick to his game plan of not interrupting President Biden, saying, “His discipline is unmatched!”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.One Week OutThe first presidential debate is one week away, and former President Donald Trump is said to have a game plan that includes not interrupting President Biden, as he has in the past.“And, as we all know, he has an uncanny ability to stick to his game plan,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Thursday. “His discipline is unmatched!”“Biden has secluded himself at Camp David, where he’s preparing for this bout like Rocky Balboa getting ready for ‘Golf Clubber’ Lang. And Trump is hard at work right now, deciding whether to go with the scented Aqua Net or unscented.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, despite skipping every other debate, Trump reportedly cannot wait to attack Joe Biden. It’s the most he’s ever hated someone he wasn’t married to.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Next Thursday is the first 2024 presidential debate between President Biden and former President Trump, which means we’re just one week away from finding out who falls asleep onstage.” — SETH MEYERS“Forget the debate — I say we put them both in a hammock and the first one to stand up is our next president.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Ten Commandments Edition)“Louisiana yesterday became the first state to require public schools to display the Ten Commandments in every classroom. Apparently, they’ve been having a lot of trouble with kids coveting their neighbor’s oxen.” — SETH MEYERS“Maybe they should also post the Constitution in the Louisiana governor’s office so he can give it a read every once in a while.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, come on, everybody knows if you want to make something accessible to kids, you don’t put it in a big font; you put it in a Hello Kitty Trapper Keeper.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I hate to break it to you, but Louisiana ranks 38th in reading — I don’t think the font is going to help.” — DESI LYDIC“I will say, in fairness, the point in posting the Ten Commandments in schools is to remind third-graders not to commit adultery.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingChappell Roan performed her hit song “Good Luck, Babe!” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutDonald Sutherland as President Snow in “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire.” He campaigned for the role in the franchise.Murray Close/LionsgateDonald Sutherland’s consistent and reliable work transcended genres and eras in Hollywood. The veteran actor died on Thursday at 88. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Mocks Kim Jong-un and Putin for Making Things Official

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      “Then they got a text from Trump that said, ‘Throuple?’” Fallon joked on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Date With a DictatorKim Jong-un and Vladimir Putin met in Pyongyang on Wednesday where they signed a pact of mutual support against “aggression” and took a driving tour of the city, standing together in the sunroof.“They’re sticking their heads out of the roof like they’re going to Dictator Prom,” Jimmy Fallon said.“Yep, Kim Jong-un and Putin made it official. Then they got a text from Trump that said, ‘Throuple?’” — JIMMY FALLON“The two leaders also exchanged gifts, and Putin gave him a car. And because it was for Kim Jong-un, it was one of those plastic Jeeps.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Happy Juneteenth Edition)“Today is Juneteenth. That’s right. Or as it’s called on Fox News, it’s ‘Wednesday.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump posted all the usual angry garbage and made no mention of the holiday. But he doesn’t need to, because, as we all know, Trump has done more for Black Americans than almost anyone.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Historically, Juneteenth is a day for cookouts and barbecues but can also be a celebration with a day of rest and remembrance. Of course, the traditional way to celebrate Juneteenth is to hang out with your Black friends, listen to great music, and stand perfectly still.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referencing President Joe Biden at a recent Juneteenth celebrationThe Bits Worth WatchingWednesday’s “Late Show” guest Cynthia Erivo discussed the playlist she made for her role as Elphaba in the new movie adaptation of “Wicked.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night“The Bear” star Ebon Moss-Bachrach will appear on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutIn 1925, the New York Public Library system established the first public collection dedicated to Black artifacts at its 135th Street branch in Harlem, now known as the Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture.New York Public LibraryNew scholarship highlights how Black librarians played a big role in community building during the Harlem Renaissance. More

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      Late Night Trolls Trump Over ‘Severe Memory Issues’

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      “I’m starting to think Trump writes his name on buildings just so he can remember where he lives,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘50 First Debates’Ramin Setoodeh, the author of “Apprentice in Wonderland,” a new book about Donald Trump, said that the former president had “severe memory issues” and forgot who Setoodeh was in a follow-up interview.“I’m starting to think Trump writes his name on buildings just so he can remember where he lives,” Jimmy Fallon joked.“I love how Trump didn’t remember who the author was but still talked to him for 10 hours.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump and Biden are accused of having memory issues, which is why they’re starring in the new film ‘50 First Debates.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The author of the upcoming book ‘Apprentice in Wonderland’ said in a new interview that former President Trump has ‘severe memory issues.’ ‘Same here,’ said undecided voters.” — SETH MEYERS“He loves talking about himself so much, he made time to do an interview for a book about ‘The Apprentice.’ I feel like you could get him to host ‘The Apprentice’ right now if you — if you pitched him a reality show where he picks his running mate ‘Apprentice’-style, for the right amount of money, he would 100 percent do it.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (How Hot Is It? Edition)“Around 150 million Americans are expected to experience temperatures above 90 degrees this week, thanks to what they call a ‘heat dome.’ I always thought the heat dome was that weird helmet thing my grandma sat under at the hair salon.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’ll be so hot in Maine this week, the lobsters will be getting in pots just to cool down.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s so hot in New York this week, the rats are wearing crop tops.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s so hot in South Dakota, Kristi Noem’s dogs are shooting themselves.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s so hot at Mar-a-Lago, Donald Trump asked Melania to be even colder to him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Scientists warn heat waves will be longer, more intense and more frequent. So, good news for Mrs. Heat Wave.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, this week, when you open the weather app, it just shows you the middle finger emoji.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Hannah Einbinder told Jimmy Kimmel she was taking notes while appearing on his show to prepare for the late-night show theme on Season 4 of “Hacks.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightLupita Nyong’o, the star of “A Quiet Place: Day One,” will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutIn April, Hozier reached No. 1 on the Hot 100 with the bouncy “Too Sweet,” becoming the first Irish artist since Sinead O’Connor to claim the top spot. He’s now on tour with a nine-piece band.Brian Karlsson for The New York TimesA decade after his breakout hit, “Take Me to Church,” the Irish singer-songwriter Hozier has found a new young fan base on TikTok. More