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      Sarah Silverman Defines ‘Woke’ for Newsmax

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      “The Daily Show” guest host Sarah Silverman called Newsmax “basically an even more far-right Fox News — like if your crazy uncle had a crazy uncle.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Sick Burn, BroOn Tuesday, a reporter for Newsmax asked Karine Jean-Pierre, the White House press secretary, if President Biden was “woke.”Sarah Silverman, guest host for “The Daily Show,” called Newsmax “basically an even more far-right Fox News — like if your crazy uncle had a crazy uncle.”“I think we’re just communicating wrong, because, like, what I know ‘woke’ to mean is, like, learning new things about people or the world, and then acting accordingly. Like, basic kindness. Maybe a gesture of care to people who are more vulnerable than you. You know what, actually you wouldn’t like it — it’s Jesus stuff.” — SARAH SILVERMAN“This guy really thinks, ‘Is Joe Biden woke’ was like a hard-hitting question. The real hard-hitting question would be, ‘Is Joe Biden awake?’” — SARAH SILVERMAN“It feels cooler to say, ‘I’m not woke’ than the truth, which is, ‘I’m terrified of what I don’t understand and I only know how to process that as anger because I can’t look inward.’” — SARAH SILVERMANThe Punchiest Punchlines (Probably Not Aliens Edition)“And there’s still confusion about the three unidentified objects the United States government shot down over the weekend. Intelligence officials now say that they do not believe the objects were from China or posed any kind of national security threat. This is all a very evasive way of saying that they shot down three Bud Light blimps.” — JAMES CORDEN“No aliens. Nothing to see here. In a totally unrelated story, Monday, the United States has set up a new task force on U.F.Os.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“According to Axios, the military didn’t classify what the objects were, but they don’t think they were aliens or Chinese spy balloons. Best guess right now is that there are some overly aggressive Re/Max agents on the loose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“China is sticking to their claim that the first one we shot down was a weather balloon that got blown 12,000 miles off course. How ‘off course’ can you get? You missed by an ocean, if that’s the case.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The Pentagon this week described the unidentified object shot down over Canada on Saturday as a ‘small, metallic balloon.’ So it was either a dire national security threat or a wasted 25 cents at a county fair.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth Watching“Jimmy Kimmel Live” found a bunch of people who lied on camera about seeing a fictional U.F.O. on Wednesday’s “Lie Witness News.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightTina Fey will hang out with her old friend Seth Meyers on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutStephan DybusPodcast companies are feeling the strain of oversaturation and overspending. More

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      Stephen Colbert is Underwhelmed by Nikki Haley’s Big Announcement

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      “As she said in her campaign announcement tweet, ‘Get excited,’” Colbert said on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Nicky Fail-y’Former Gov. Nikki Haley of South Carolina announced she’s running for president early Tuesday morning.“Of course, any campaign veteran will tell you there is no better time to drop the biggest political news of your life than on Valentine’s Day at 6:48 a.m.” Stephen Colbert said. “Yeah, a day everyone’s thinking about something else at a time when no one is awake.”“The only way this could make a smaller splash is if Haley had whispered it into a bowl of soup.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“As she said in her campaign announcement tweet ‘Get excited.’ A grateful pass.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But this is going to be a tough race for Nikki Haley. Right now, she’s polling at just one percent, and that’s pretty bad. I mean, you know, even Mike Pence is at two percent. Mike Pence’s noose rope is at five percent, which is V.P. material.” — SARAH SILVERMAN“She said she believes the Republican Party needs to go in a new direction. I think you’d have more luck convincing a swarm of moths to go in a new direction. The whole ‘towards the light’ thing isn’t really working.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Haley is the first prominent Republican to challenge Donald Trump, she’s the first female governor of South Carolina and the first candidate to spell her name like the bass player from Mötley Crüe, so …” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Now I guess this means Trump has to come up with a mean nickname for her. ‘Cuz right now he’s pacing around Mar-a-Lago going ‘Sicky Nikki? Nikki Fail-y? Oh, Nikki Epic Fail-y?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Today, former Trump cabinet member Nikki Haley announced that she is running for president. Yep. She served in Trump’s cabinet, which is listed on her website in very, very small font.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Folder Enthusiast Edition)“A lawyer for former President Trump said recently that Trump was using a manila folder marked ‘classified’ to block a small light on a landline phone next to his bed. Even weirder: all the ones that he taped up to use in place of curtains.” — SETH MEYERS“I don’t know, maybe use an eye mask, get a, you know, a different bedside phone, put a Post-it on it?” — JAMES CORDEN“Basically, he’s saying, ‘I’m not a traitor, I’m a hoarder!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Which is more embarrassing for Trump: the fact that he kept top-secret documents or admitting he collects folders? I mean, how dull do you have to be to be a folder enthusiast?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The worst thing about this story is now I’m picturing Trump in bed on a landline phone talking to Tucker Carlson, sort of twirling the cord around his finger going, ‘No, you hang up!’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Alison Brie recreated a Valentine’s Day memory from high school on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar will sit down with Sarah Silverman on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutA museum in Croatia displays mementos and stories of people’s failed relationships.via Museum of Broken RelationshipsThe Museum of Broken Relationships in Croatia collects mementos people around the world send in symbolizing their failed romances. More

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      Late Night Recaps Rihanna’s Super Bowl Halftime Surprise

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      Jimmy Kimmel called the pop singer’s pregnancy reveal “the biggest ‘we’re expecting’ announcement in the history of the world.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Super Bowl, Baby!Rihanna’s Super Bowl halftime show was popular with late-night hosts on Monday, who praised the pop star for performing while pregnant.Jimmy Kimmel called the reveal “what has to be the biggest ‘we’re expecting’ announcement in the history of the world.”“She had a baby in May and now has another one in the oven. So, if you are one of those 19 million people who called in sick to work today, Rihanna last night had a 9-month-old in her dressing room, she was eight millimeters dilated, still managed to get out there and do her job.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Rihanna did a Super Bowl halftime show while pregnant. Meanwhile, everyone at home on their 30th chicken wing was like, ‘I also felt a kick.’” — JIMMY FALLON“During her halftime show performance at last night’s Super Bowl, Rihanna revealed that she was pregnant, while the rest of us just ate like we were.” — SETH MEYERS“Imagine it’s the first day of kindergarten and your fun fact is that you’ve done the Super Bowl halftime show.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, did you see that, pregnant women? Did you see it? Rihanna just did a Super Bowl halftime show while pregnant, and you want my seat on the subway? Not anymore, toots. No way. The bar has been raised, so hold it.” — SARAH SILVERMAN, this week’s “Daily Show” guest host“Not only did she sound great, she closed the performance by — I don’t know if you saw this — really incredible, she closed the show by shooting down one of those U.F.O.s.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Alien Balloons Edition)“Last night was Super Bowl 57, and, out of habit, Biden shot down the Goodyear blimp.” — SETH MEYERS“All of a sudden, there are more U.F.O.s than Chick-fil-A’s now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I never in a million years thought I’d say this — where the hell is the Space Force?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, nothing’s off the table. It could be aliens, it could be balloons, or it could be alien balloons.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The White House today announced they formed an interagency team to look into what’s going on. After initially refusing to rule it out, today they said they do not believe these are extraterrestrial visits, which is exactly what they say at the beginning of every movie about extraterrestrial visits.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingLizz Winstead, the co-creator of “The Daily Show,” talked with her friend Sarah Silverman about creating comedy news, and her organization that advocates for reproductive justice.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightPaul Rudd, who stars in “Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania,” will sit down with Seth Meyers on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutThe late Celia Cruz performing in New York in 2001. The multiple Grammy Award winner is one of five honorees of the American Women Quarters Program, the U.S. Mint said.Scott Gries/Getty ImagesThe Queen of Salsa, Celia Cruz, will be the first Afro-Latina to be featured on the U.S. quarter. More

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      Late Night Is Still Concerned About That Balloon

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      “AT&T told their customers, ‘Relax, they can’t spy on you if you can’t get a signal,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Going Over Like a Lead BalloonOn Thursday, the State Department revealed that the Chinese spy balloon the U.S. downed last weekend was capable of monitoring Americans’ electronic communications.“When they heard that, Siri and Alexa were like, ‘Oh, hell no, that’s our job!” said Jimmy Fallon.“Yeah, they were tracking all of our communications, including phone calls and text messages. The balloon was like, ‘Based on what we’ve gathered, we should invest in eggplants.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Meanwhile, AT&T told their customers, ‘Relax, they can’t spy on you if you can’t get a signal, you know what I’m saying?’” — JIMMY FALLONOn “The Daily Show,” Chelsea Handler reported that China was demanding that the balloon be returned.“[Expletive] you, China! You sent the balloon over here to spy on us — we found it, and now it’s ours! You don’t get to demand that we return it, just like the guy who attacked Nancy Pelosi’s husband doesn’t get his hammer back.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“And I don’t know about you guys, but I’m not scared about the supposed explosive self-destructing capability on a balloon. All balloons have a self-destructing capability — it’s called deflating.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“Sorry, China, but that’s confusing. Usually, when you release things, it’s for the entire world to enjoy, like Covid.” — CHELSEA HANDLERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Nepo Baby Edition)“North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was joined onstage yesterday by his 9-year-old daughter at a military parade unveiling the country’s new missiles. So I guess Bring Your Daughter to Work Day has officially jumped the shark.” — SETH MEYERS“Yes, this girl is speculated to become Kim’s successor. Who would’ve ever thought that North Korea would have a female leader before America? And she’s a minority!” — CHELSEA HANDLER“I have to say, I am so sick of these nepo babies. First we have Lily-Rose Depp and then Willow Smith, and now this girl? Whatever happened to becoming a nuke-wielding tyrant on merit? You know how many girls are out there working hard, learning how to fire missiles and starve an entire population who will never have an opportunity to lead a regime?” — CHELSEA HANDLERThe Bits Worth WatchingGordon Ramsay taste-tested Super Bowl snacks on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This Out“Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey” features Craig David Dowsett as a demented version of the children’s character.Jagged Edge ProductionsIn the horror film “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey,” friendly animal icons from childhood turn sadistic when Christopher Robin leaves for college. More

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      Chelsea Handler Thanks Republicans for Enlivening a Dull Night

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      After her antics during the State of the Union address, Handler wondered when Marjorie Taylor Green would join the cast of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Republicans Gone WildPresident Joe Biden delivered his first State of the Union address of 2023 on Tuesday night, where Republicans like Marjorie Taylor Greene heckled him and called him a liar.On Wednesday’s “The Daily Show,” the guest host, Chelsea Handler, found it wasn’t as boring as she thought it would be, saying the Republicans were acting like wild animals — and she liked it.“Keep this up, guys. You finally made a State of the Union watchable,” Handler said.“Marjorie Taylor Greene stood up during the screech and screamed out, ‘Liar!’ and then George Santos stood up and is like, ‘Over here!’” — CHELSEA HANDLER“When are they gonna put this woman on ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’?” — CHELSEA HANDLER“Why is she wearing a white fur coat to the State of the Union address? She looks like an old rapper’s first wife.” — SETH MEYERS“It was a busy night for Marjorie. She went right from the State of the Union to getting her 102nd Dalmatian.” — JIMMY FALLON“If you’re going to heckle the president, definitely do it while you’re dressed like a Disney villain.” — JAMES CORDEN“The list of people harassed by Marjorie Taylor Greene now includes President Biden and any bartender at every T.G.I. Fridays.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (More State of the Union Edition)“Well, as I mentioned, last night was President Biden’s State of the Union address and I saw a poll that said 72 percent of people responded favorably to his speech. That’s amazing. We can’t even get 72 percent of Americans to agree on what an M&M should wear.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden delivered his second State of the Union address last night and spoke for 73 minutes. Which sounds like a lot, but I feel like Biden could speak for 73 minutes to a wrong number.” — SETH MEYERS“Yep, Biden’s speech was passionate and energetic. He basically went from decaf green tea to Mountain Dew Code Red.” — JIMMY FALLON“At one point in his speech, Biden said, ‘Covid no longer controls our lives.’ He was like, ‘Now that honor belongs to TikTok.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Biden also talked about the strong jobs market. He said people are working as bankers, real estate developers, dancers, philanthropists, Broadway producers — and that’s just George Santos.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingQueen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon played the whisper challenge on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightMeagan Good, a star of “Harlem,” will pop by “The Late Late Show” on Thursday.Also, Check This OutRihanna, a social media natural, has been particularly adept at playing along with fans’ agonizing waiting game for new music.Axelle/Bauer-Griffin and FilmMagic, via Getty ImagesRihanna’s fans have been patiently waiting for a new album while the singer pursued other projects, but her Super Bowl halftime show should satisfy them for the time being. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Sounds Off on State of the Union Applause

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      “It was a tough night for all of Biden’s staffers watching from the White House, because every time people clapped, the lights went on and off,” Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Clap HappyPresident Joe Biden delivered his second State of the Union address on Tuesday night.Despite having filmed “The Tonight Show” before the address, Jimmy Fallon accurately predicted that “Democrats spent the night clapping for Biden.”“It wasn’t for anything he said, they were just trying to keep him awake.” — JIMMY FALLON“It was a tough night for all of Biden’s staffers watching from the White House, because every time people clapped, the lights went on and off.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s the same thing every year: One side stands and claps, the other side sits still, not having any fun. It reminds me of my cousin’s wedding: [imitating a shouting relative] ‘I give it six months!’” — JIMMY FALLON“Now, Biden also talked about his achievements. He said, ‘We passed an infrastructure bill, we reduced inflation and we finally convinced Tom Brady to retire, so I think it’s a great year.’” — JIMMY FALLON“In his speech, Biden called for bipartisanship and unity. He was like, ‘As Democrats and Republicans, we have one common goal to mishandle classified documents.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Balloon Assassination Victory Lap Edition)“President Biden delivered his second State of the Union address tonight. Oh, you mean his balloon assassination victory lap?” — SETH MEYERS“Now Biden’s speech took place after we taped this show, but according to a preview from the White House, Biden used the opportunity to call for a so-called ‘billionaire tax,’ at which point, billionaires yelled ‘Good luck with that!’ and blasted off to Mars.” — JAMES CORDEN“There was wall-to-wall coverage of the State of the Union on all the major networks, like NBC, ABC and CBS. Meanwhile, Netflix is, like, ‘ka-ching!” — JIMMY FALLON“And according to reports, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy personally requested that Biden not use the phrase ‘extreme MAGA Republicans’ during the State of the Union address. He asked Biden to please use a more inclusive term, like ‘insurrectionist Americans.’” — JAMES CORDEN“That wasn’t all. McCarthy also asked Biden not to call George Santos an ‘extremely delusional Republican,’ but instead refer to him by his correct title, ‘seven-time Grand Slam winner George Santos.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe model and entrepreneur Ashley Graham stopped by “The Daily Show” to “keep it real” in a conversation about body confidence with the guest host Chelsea Handler.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe singer-songwriter Regina Spektor will perform on Wednesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutAMC said its new pricing system would not apply to tickets for discounted Tuesday screenings or screenings before 4 p.m.Gabby Jones for The New York TimesThe AMC theater chain has announced a new pricing structure that will charge moviegoers based on their seat location. More

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      A ‘Bag of Helium’ Helps Chelsea Handler Start Her ‘Daily Show’ Guest Stint

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      Handler poked fun at the Chinese surveillance balloon that a U.S. fighter jet shot down off the coast of South Carolina on Saturday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.I SpyChelsea Handler kicked off her week of hosting “The Daily Show” with jokes about the Chinese balloon that a U.S. fighter jet shot down off the coast of South Carolina on Saturday.Handler said she felt bad for President Biden: “Obama got to order the assassination of bin Laden, and all he gets to do is murder a bag of helium.”“But, hey, why not shoot it when you have a trillion-dollar defense budget and all of these rock-hard missiles lying around? Trump must be so jealous.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“And, as you heard, this balloon was the size of three buses. I love measuring things in buses. And for the rich people out there who don’t know what a bus is, they’re those big yellow vehicles that bring Matt Gaetz’s girlfriends to school.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“What I don’t get is, why does China even need to send this balloon in the first place? They’re already spying on us with TikTok. Is it possible that the Chinese spies became the first people ever to get sick of TikTok? Were they like, ‘I swear to God, if I see one more basic [expletive] make lasagna in a slow cooker.’” — CHELSEA HANDLER“And, by the way: China, if you’re listening, which you obviously are, next time, why you don’t make your balloon the color blue, so we can’t see it in the sky? Or if you’re going to make it white, at least write ‘the moon’ on it. No one here will know the difference. I certainly won’t.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“So the balloon went over Alaska, and then it went through Canada and then into U.S. airspace. And, by the way, Canada, thanks for the heads up on that.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“Canada saw the balloon, and they were like, ‘Oh, look, one of those Chinese lanterns!’” — CHELSEA HANDLERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Big Balloon Edition)“The only way this balloon could have had a higher profile is if it had its own Instagram account.” — SETH MEYERS“This balloon did more traveling than a high school senior taking a gap year before college. True story: It already has diamond medallion status on Delta.” — SETH MEYERS“Just to screw with Fox News, Biden should have announced that he was inviting the balloon to appear in this year’s Thanksgiving Day parade.” — SETH MEYERS“The balloon floated from Montana to South Carolina. Somehow it got across the country faster than someone flying Southwest.” — JIMMY FALLON“But the U.S. really didn’t have a choice. The only other option was to rub the balloon on Bernie Sanders and stick it to Canada.” — JIMMY FALLON“On the bright side, from now on when your kid’s birthday balloon pops and they’re upset, you can just go, ‘No, it was a Chinese spy balloon, Timmy. The Chinese can’t spy on us anymore, you’re a patriot!’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden shared his thoughts on Grammys fashion on Monday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe comedian Tig Notaro, who stars in the film “Your Place or Mine,” will appear on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutWith her fourth victory on Sunday, Beyoncé set the record for most Grammy wins by any artist.Frazer Harrison/Getty ImagesShe may not have walked away with Album of the Year, but Beyoncé broke the record for most Grammy victories ever after adding four more trophies on Sunday. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Addresses Netflix’s Plan to Charge for Shared Accounts

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      “I understand. You don’t like paying for TV,” Kimmel said. “So, let me just say this: My name is Jimmy and I’m free every night, no charge.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Netflix and ShillNetflix is cracking down on password sharing outside of an account user’s household.“This is going to be a huge blow to Nick Cannon,” Jimmy Kimmel joked. “This could cost him millions of dollars.”“Some people may have to go back to stealing Netflix the old-fashioned way, sitting with binoculars in your neighbor’s tree.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And to those of you who are out there piggybacking on someone else’s account, I get it. I understand. You don’t like paying for TV. So, let me just say this: my name is Jimmy and I’m free every night, no charge.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Another One Edition)“It’s Groundhog Day — again. It keeps happening.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Groundhog Day is a tradition that was brought to the United States in the 1800s by German settlers. The boring German settlers — the fun ones brought us beer.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“OK, but did he see his shadow or a calendar? Of course winter’s not over — it’s Feb. 2. There’s still football. Can we at least move this stupid ritual to mid-March where there’s a little mystery?” — SETH MEYERS“I read that he’s only right 40 percent of the time. When they heard that, Weather.com was like, ‘You’re hired — when can you start?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, you can’t trust Punxsutawney Phil. He’s basically the George Santos of the groundhog world.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Thursday’s “Late Show,” The Last of Us” star Pedro Pascal talked with Jimmy Fallon about hosting “Saturday Night Live” this weekend.Also, Check This OutBeyoncé needs three wins to match the record for most Grammy victories by any artist.Chris Pizzello/Invision, via Associated PressAlready the winningest woman in Grammy history, Beyoncé has nine nominations for her album “Renaissance” at this Sunday’s Grammy Awards. More