Late Night with Seth Meyers (TV Program)

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      Late Night Riffs on Mike Pence and His Classified Documents

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      Jimmy Kimmel said the papers were found in a box with “a four-pack of Zima and Polaroids of Mother dressed in her swimming costume.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not So Classified After AllLast week, a lawyer for former Vice President Mike Pence found a dozen classified documents at Pence’s home in Indiana.On Tuesday, Jimmy Kimmel joked that the documents were found “in a box with some of his other secret items, including a four-pack of Zima and Polaroids of Mother dressed in her swimming costume.”“According to his lawyer, they discovered the documents in January. Pence, they say, immediately alerted the National Archives, and the F.B.I. came to pick them up. The lawyers found the documents in, of all places, Mike’s kitchen, behind the Pence family mayonnaises.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The craziest part about these documents that were found: They were found stuffed between a dozen Wu-Tang albums.” — JIMMY FALLON“These are crazy times. Right now, Walgreens has deodorant behind a locked case, while classified documents are laying around like J. Crew catalogs all over the house.” — JIMMY FALLON“I’m starting to wonder if I have classified documents in my house.” — JAMES CORDEN“Wow. That is tough news for Mike Pence and fantastic news for Joe Biden.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“OK, so they’re just in every home? That’s the only thing that makes sense anymore. When you buy a new house and you move in, there’s just classified documents sitting on the counter next to that half-roll of paper towels and box of baking soda?” — SETH MEYERS“Is everyone just handed a box when they leave the White House? Like, ‘Thanks for coming, here’s some state secrets.’” — JAMES CORDEN“He says he took them home by accident, and they were found by one of his lawyers, who Pence asked to conduct the search of his home out of an abundance of caution. An ‘abundance of caution’ is also why Mike Pence leaves the room when TV commercials come on.— STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (And the Nominees Are Edition)“Today, the nominations were announced for the 95th Academy Awards. Yeah. Leading the way with 11 nominations is the movie ‘Everything Everywhere All at Once.’ It’s a film about all the places they found President Biden’s classified documents.” — JIMMY FALLON“The film that scored the most nominations was ‘Everything Everywhere All at Once,’ which is up for best picture along with ‘Top Gun,’ ‘Avatar 2,’ ‘Elvis’ and six movies no one has seen, including a movie called ‘Triangle of Sadness,’ which I always thought was a slice of Papa John’s pizza.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Now, as usual, there was good news and bad news. Good news: Michelle Yeoh became the first Asian woman nominated for best actress. But, bad news: No women were nominated for best director. Yeah. But remember, they gave it to Jane Campion last year, so I guess this year, they thought, ‘Eh, that should hold you broads for the next 50 years.’” — WANDA SYKES“James Cameron’s ‘Avatar 2’ didn’t get a best director nomination for Cameron, even though his movie was nominated for best picture, which is what you get for making us put on those dumb glasses for four hours.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“With his nomination for ‘The Fablemans,’ Steven Spielberg extended his record as the only person nominated for best director in six different decades. Yeah. Yeah. Six different decades. But what has he done besides that?” — JAMES CORDEN“This is a big movie for him. In fact, Spielberg is already spinning the film off into its own franchise. Look out for this in theaters this summer: ‘2 Fast, 2 Fablemans.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe recurring “Leave Him Alone Guy” zeroed in on George Santos on Tuesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightKeke Palmer will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutA few protesters, including plaintiffs in a lawsuit against Ticketmaster, gathered outside the Capitol during the hearing Tuesday.Kenny Holston/The New York TimesTaylor Swift fans gathered outside the Capitol to protest Ticketmaster during Tuesday’s Senate Judiciary Committee hearing about anticompetitive behavior in the ticketing industry. More

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      Stephen Colbert Is Charmed by Republican Concerns About Ron DeSantis

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      “It’s true. DeSantis is best on paper — specifically, that roll by the toilet,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.This Charming ManRepublicans are eyeing Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis as an alternative presidential candidate to Donald Trump for 2024, but G.O.P. insiders are struggling with DeSantis’s perceived lack of charm, saying he’s better on paper.“Oh, come on! You’re telling me this man lacks charm?” Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday. “He’s got the smooth style of a nonplayable character in a PlayStation 2 game.”“Hey, get out of my bank with your skateboard, Tony Hawk!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, imitating a stiff DeSantis as a character in a video game“It’s true. DeSantis is best on paper — specifically, that roll by the toilet.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In a new episode of a podcast, former President Trump said that he heard Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis may challenge him for the Republican presidential nomination and added, ‘We’ll handle that the way I handle things.’ So, get ready, Ron — he’s gonna cheat on you.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Brady’s Big Loss Edition)“Last night, the Dallas Cowboys knocked Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers out of the playoffs. Yeah, and now fans want to know, will Tom Brady retire, or retire then immediately unretire?” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, after the game, Brady was thinking about retiring, but then he saw the price of eggs and was like, ‘I can’t retire now.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I don’t know what else Brady wants to accomplish, though. It’s kind of like Jeff Bezos playing Mega Millions. It’s like, you already have all the money.” — JIMMY FALLON“He was 7-0 against Dallas lifetime, now he’s 7-1. Brady was reportedly so upset after the game, he ate a carb.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“According to a new report, three N.F.L. teams are considering pursuing quarterback Tom Brady when he becomes a free agent. Not to mention about a dozen bocce leagues.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel returned for another segment of “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” on Tuesday.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe “Shotgun Wedding” star Jennifer Lopez will stop by “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Wednesday.Also, Check This OutBen WisemanBroadway has deepened its gayness of late with new plays and musicals exploring queer themes, characters and songs. More

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      Late Night Chides Biden Over Birthday Gaffe

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      Stephen Colbert and other hosts poked fun at the president for seeming to forget the name of Martin Luther King Jr.’s daughter-in-law while singing her a birthday tune on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Forget-Me-NotLate night hosts poked fun at President Joe Biden on Monday after he seemed to forget the name of Martin Luther King Jr.’s daughter-in-law while singing her happy birthday at an event honoring the civil rights leader.“People are accusing him of forgetting her name,” Stephen Colbert said. “That’s not fair — he clearly never knew her name.”“Or maybe they’re just such good friends that he’s calling her by her nickname: ‘Lar-lurh.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“First rule: Don’t start singing ‘Happy Birthday’ unless you know the person’s name.” — JIMMY FALLON“There’s a reason why the birthday song at TGI Fridays doesn’t have the name in it.” — JIMMY FALLON“Rookie move, Joe. Every singer knows that when you forget the lyric, that’s when you point the mic towards the crowd.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Clue Edition)“The White House announced over the weekend that a third batch of classified documents was found at President Biden’s Delaware home. You know, finding new ones every few days isn’t helping. What are you guys doing over there? Searching one drawer at a time? Did he hide the documents in an advent calendar?” — SETH MEYERS“Over the weekend, five more classified documents were found at his home in Delaware, along with 9,000 stolen packets of Sweet’N Low” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At this point, they’ve found documents in so many places, it’s like we’re playing Clue. It’s like, ‘North Korea’s nuclear codes in the garage with the Corvette!’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yup, the scandal has gotten so big, today Hunter Biden told his dad, ‘I can’t be seen with you right now.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Joe’s making me do something I swore I would never do: care about what happens in Delaware.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This might not even be the end, because sources say there are multiple additional spots that could be searched and it’s possible additional documents could still be found. Well, if this goes on till the spring, they can kill two birds and combine the search with the White House Easter egg hunt.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingNatalie Portman, Stephen Yeun, Danny DeVito, and several other actors performed a dramatic re-enactment of a NextDoor thread on Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightLeslie Jones will kick off a weeklong guest-hosting residency on “The Daily Show” on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutA selection of designer sunglasses owned by the late Andre Leon Talley are among his possessions to be auctioned by Christie’s.Christie’s“The Collection of André Leon Talley” is a 448-lot estate auction that will go on a three-city tour this winter, with proceeds benefiting Black churches. More

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      Prince Harry Engages in ‘Group Therapy’ With a Glass of Tequila

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      “This is the other side of the story,” the prince said of his new memoir, “Spare,” while chatting with Stephen Colbert on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Other Side of the Story’Prince Harry discussed his new memoir, “Spare,” on “The Late Show” on Tuesday, with Stephen Colbert offering Harry a cocktail at the start.“I hear you like tequila,” Colbert said, pouring each of them a glass.Keeping a comfortable and friendly rapport, Prince Harry answered Colbert’s probing but respectful questions about his life and family.“This feels a little bit like group therapy,” Harry said at one point with a laugh.Colbert asked Harry about early leaks of the memoir that were published in the British tabloids. The prince cautioned people to be wary of the stories, stressing the importance of context.“Context is everything, and unfortunately, due to those leaks, the British press, which are central to so much of my story in my 38 years up until this point, and after spending two years focused on context, what I am going to share, how I am going to share it and being able to piece it all together, they intentionally chose to strip away all the context and take out individual segments of my life, my story and every experience that I’ve had and turn it into a salacious headline.” — PRINCE HARRY“This is the other side of the story. There’s a lot in here that perhaps makes people feel uncomfortable and scared.” — PRINCE HARRY“Look, I’m not going to lie — the last few days have been hurtful and challenging and not being able to do anything about those leaks that you refer to. Perhaps — well, not perhaps, without doubt — the most dangerous lie that they have told is that I somehow boasted about the number of people that I killed in Afghanistan.” — PRINCE HARRY“My words are not dangerous, but the spin of my words are very dangerous.” — PRINCE HARRYPrince Harry also spoke about leaving the royal family and Britain with his wife, Meghan Markle, and his assumption that they would be left alone.“That was a real eye-opener for me. I never thought that they would be away from it completely, but I did think that we would get some form of peace. But that is when I realized that actually our mere existence outside of that institutional control was more of a threat. And you know, there’s a similar thing that happened to my mom as well. And, look, they always knew that my wife was going to leave because of the way they were abusing her, but I think the most embarrassing thing was that I decided to leave with her.” — PRINCE HARRY“I have never seen the level of abuse and harassment that I witnessed over my wife. Other members of the family, they have experienced different forms of that, but to see it happen the way it happened, I was naïve going into it and I didn’t realize that the British press would be so bigoted. But even if I had, I wouldn’t have accepted or understood that they could get away with it. But here we are, and I’ve created — or we have created — a fantastic life here in California.” — PRINCE HARRYColbert asked Harry what his mother, Princess Diana, would have thought about the current family dynamic, especially between Harry and his brother, Prince William.“It is impossible to say where we would be now, where those relationships would be now, but there is no way that the distance between my brother and I would be the same.” — PRINCE HARRY“I’ve really felt the presence of my mom, especially the last couple of years. I detail in the book my brother and I talking at her grave and how he felt as though she had been with him for a long period of time and helped set him up with life and that he felt she was moving over to me. And I have felt her more in the last two years than I have the last 30.” — PRINCE HARRYHarry admitted that he has watched “The Crown.” Colbert asked if he fact-checks the series while he watches.“Yes, I do, actually. Which by the way, by the way — another reason why it is so important that history has it right.” — PRINCE HARRYThe Punchiest Punchlines (What’s Up, Docs? Edition)“Today, Obama was like, ‘Nothing to worry about. If Joe had access, it wasn’t important.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Biden was shocked and said he had no idea how the documents got there. Then Hunter Biden was like, ‘OK, so don’t get mad.’” — JIMMY FALLON“There are said to be just under a dozen documents related to Ukraine, Iran and the U.K., and for the MAGA crowd, this was like Christmas and the McRib coming back at the same time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Is this just what every president does now, just scatter a trail of intelligence like Johnny Document-seed?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Wow, it’s alarming when you realize how much of our national security relies on old men keeping track of loose pages.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingLeslie Jones teased her upcoming gig as a “Daily Show” guest host on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe rapper and actor Common will visit Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutSimona Tabasco broke through to American audiences in the second season of “The White Lotus.” Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty ImagesThe “White Lotus” star Simona Tabasco shares her love of “Titane,” the Tate Modern and other cultural touchstones in this week’s My Ten. 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      Jimmy Kimmel: McCarthy Won After Near-Knockout Punches

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      “It got so out of control, I thought I was watching the Oscars,” Kimmel said of Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s 15-round ordeal.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘A Full Ali-Frazier’After 15 rounds of voting, Kevin McCarthy was sworn in as speaker of the House of Representatives early on Saturday morning.Jimmy Kimmel called it “a full Ali-Frazier,” saying “it was the political equivalent of handing your kid an iPad to shut him up.”“Things really started to spin out on the floor of the House. It got so out of control, I thought I was watching the Oscars.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Ahead of the last round of voting for House speaker, Alabama Congressman Mike Rogers appeared to charge at fellow Republican Representative Matt Gaetz. And, out of habit, Gaetz yelled ‘I’ve never even met your daughter!’” — SETH MEYERS“That’s a face mask violation — 15 yards. It was really the most exciting hour of cable news in quite some time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, my God. I don’t know if men should hold political office. They’re just too emotional!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s one thing to hold a dude back by his shoulders, but by his face? Is this the House of Representatives or a Long Island wedding?” — SETH MEYERS“Republicans resorting to violence on the House floor? What a perfect way to honor the two-year anniversary of Jan. 6.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (New But Not Improved Edition)“After 15 rounds of voting, McCarthy pulled off the impossible — he got people to watch C-SPAN for an entire week.” — JIMMY FALLON“I can’t even imagine what McCarthy was going through. It must have felt like sitting outside Applebee’s and waiting four days for your disc to buzz.” — JIMMY FALLON“McCarthy was like, ‘I’m just glad it didn’t go to a 16th vote. That would have been humiliating.’” — JIMMY FALLON“We have a new, not improved, but we have a new speaker of the House.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They chose McCarthy the same way you choose Thai food on New Year’s Day: ‘You guys want Thai? Well, nothing else is open!’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Gwyneth Paltrow offered some post-divorce dating advice on Monday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightPrince Harry will pop by Tuesday’s “Late Show” to discuss his new memoir, “Spare,” with Stephen Colbert.Also, Check This Out“M3GAN,” about a robot doll programmed to befriend and protect a young girl (Violet McGraw), riffs on some of the classic conundrums that arise when a machine develops humanlike qualities.Universal PicturesIn the scary movie “M3GAN,” the titular robot doll’s dancing is part of the horror. More

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      Late Night Finds More Laughs in Kevin McCarthy’s Third Day of Failure

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      Jimmy Kimmel says he “can’t wait for Lin-Manuel Miranda to make a musical out of it.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.This Seems FamiliarRepresentative Kevin McCarthy lost several more rounds of voting on Thursday, the third day of his attempt to become speaker of the House — stymied, so far, by a band of Republican rebels.Jimmy Kimmel lamented that Nancy Pelosi “was supposed to be on our show tomorrow night but she can’t fly home because she needs to be in Washington to watch Kevin McCarthy lose 11 more times.”“I can’t wait for Lin-Manuel Miranda to make a musical out of it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The House of Representatives adjourned last night after a sixth round of voting for a House speaker and reconvened today at noon. Because nothing says ‘We’re working hard to solve this problem’ like starting at noon.” — SETH MEYERS“McCarthy’s stuck in some sort of nightmarish existential purgatory like the waiting room scene in “Beetlejuice,’ you know, but next to someone scarier than anyone in that movie.” — SETH MEYERS, referring to Representative Matt Gaetz“And get this: I read that some Democrats and Republicans are considering a deal for a speaker both parties can get behind. So congratulations to our new speaker of the House, ‘Top Gun: Maverick.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Meanwhile, McCarthy is now in the negotiation phase, where he’s making a bunch of concessions with the Republicans who are against him, and one of those concessions is a change to the rules that would make it easier to remove him. You know it’s bad when the only way you can get hired is if you promise to get fired, you know what I’m saying?” — JIMMY FALLON“Why does he keep going? I’m beginning to think losing floor votes might be his kink.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Why else would Kevin McCarthy keep doing this other than to make me happy? Because I cannot get enough of this.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Royal Rumble Edition)“In his forthcoming book, Prince Harry claims that Prince William once knocked him to the floor during an argument about Meghan. Apparently, the fight happened at the Buckingham Waffle Palace.” — JIMMY FALLON“They got in a fight after William insulted Harry’s wife, Meghan Markle. Harry claims William called Meghan ‘difficult,’ ‘rude’ and ‘abrasive,’ which he probably could have saved time and just said she’s American.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Two brothers who are the result of generations of inbreeding got in a fight? The only surprise to me is it didn’t happen in Florida.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s fun when royals fight, ’cause they keep their pinkies out.” — JIMMY FALLON“Harry also writes in his new book that before he married Meghan, William and Kate were religious viewers of her show ‘Suits.’ I feel like I believed everything Prince Harry said until just now. I don’t think even the stars of ‘Suits’ were religious viewers of ‘Suits.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingStephen Colbert teased Prince Harry’s upcoming “Late Show” appearance to promote his book, “Spare” (“either a gripping tell-all about the royal family or a book of handy bowling tips”). Also, Check This OutRaúl Castillo in “The Inspection” as Rosales, a character he describes as “someone who looks out for an underdog.”Patti Perret/A24Raúl Castillo plays a drill instructor who takes a bullied recruit under his wing in Elegance Bratton’s “The Inspection.” More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Roasts Kevin McCarthy as He Falls Short, Again

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      Kimmel joked that the “last time a Kevin felt this abandoned in his house was in the movie ‘Home Alone.’”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Biden to the RescueAfter three more rounds of voting on Wednesday, Representative Kevin McCarthy still couldn’t get enough support to become speaker of the House.“Who would’ve guessed that a bunch of insurrection apologists would have trouble certifying a vote?” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“McCarthy needs 218 votes from his fellow Republicans to be speaker. He started with 203, he’s down now to 201. The last time a Kevin felt this abandoned in his house was in the movie ‘Home Alone.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The last time something like this happened was 100 years ago. And I’ll tell you something, damn it, Joe Biden solved it then, and he can solve it again.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Unpopularity Contest Edition)“As of tonight’s taping, Republicans still have not chosen a speaker of the House after Kevin McCarthy lost his sixth vote in Congress. To be honest, it’s hard to get every Republican on board. It’s like getting 218 friends to agree on where to have brunch.” — JIMMY FALLON“At this point, McCarthy is so unpopular, even Southwest Airlines feels bad for him, you know?” — JIMMY FALLON“You guys can’t even have a red wave amongst yourselves.” — SETH MEYERS“But this is interesting — according to the Constitution, if they don’t have a speaker by tomorrow, the top contenders have to compete in a dance-off.” — JIMMY FALLON“The White House said yesterday that President Biden has no plans to intervene in the House Speaker election after Republican leader Kevin McCarthy failed to secure enough votes during the second ballot to ascend to the speakership — at least not until it stops being hilarious.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Wednesday’s “Late Show,” the country singer Shania Twain shared how isolated she needs to be to write her songs.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe actress Laura Dern will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutMichelle Williams.Sinna Nasseri for The New York TimesMichelle Williams, the Golden Globe-nominated actress, says her varied career has prepared her to play a nuanced role based on Steven Spielberg’s mother in “The Fabelmans.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Is Thrilled Over Kevin McCarthy’s Troubles

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      “But remember, there’s more important things in life than winning or losing — there’s making fun of Kevin McCarthy for losing,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Three-peatRepublicans were deadlocked on Tuesday after Representative Kevin McCarthy repeatedly lost his bid to become speaker of the House.Stephen Colbert opened his show by saying he was “0 for 2” on his New Year’s resolutions: “One was to drink less, and the other was to not gloat when bad things happen to Kevin McCarthy,” which he followed up with a big swig of bourbon.“It’s been a day of pure, uncut, Peruvian blue-flake schadenfreude, watching the G.O.P. stab each other in the throat,” Colbert said.“He needs 218 votes to win, but in the first two votes, he got only 203. OK, he lost twice, but you know what they say: ‘Third time’s the — he also lost.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Kevin McCarthy is being held hostage by a group of Republican extremists who don’t believe he leans far enough to the right. He lost three rounds of voting today, even though he’s made multiple offers to these lunatics. He even agreed to cut the Office of Congressional Ethics. This is one of their demands, which is basically like replacing seatbelts with fettuccine.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, I looked it up. Technically, the Constitution does not require the speaker of the House to be an elected member of Congress — it could be any American, which, to me, sounds like the premise for a pretty solid Pauly Shore movie.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But remember, there’s more important things in life than winning or losing — there’s making fun of Kevin McCarthy for losing.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Reportedly, interns in his office are already expected to call him ‘Mr. Speaker,’ and this weekend, staffers were seen moving his boxes into the speaker’s office. I wouldn’t be in a big hurry to unpack. He may not be great at counting votes, but he’s good at counting chickens before they hatch.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Catfish Edition)“George Santos was sworn in today as a member of the House of Representatives in the state of New York. And not, as he originally claimed, Pandora.” — SETH MEYERS“Santos just got elected in New York, and we recently learned that during the campaign, he lied about — and I’m rounding down here — everything.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“For starters, during his campaign, Santos claimed to have attended both Baruch College and New York University, but neither school could locate records to verify his claims. So, he may not have graduated, but he did get his B.S.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He basically catfished an entire congressional district.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s now being investigated by federal prosecutors who want to know how he was able to self-fund $700,000 of his campaign when he reported only making $55,000 a year. He must have one hell of an OnlyFans, is all I can figure.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But despite all that, he did not resign. He showed up to his first day of work in Washington today where no one, not one of the many scoundrels wriggling around the House, wanted to sit with him. He just sat — imagine being so toxic not even Matt Gaetz wants to sit next to you.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, it’s odd when a congressman holds up his right hand to be sworn in, and everyone’s like, ‘You know what? Don’t bother.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon paid tribute to Barbara Walters on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show,” sharing a story of a time he asked her for advice.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe country music star Shania Twain will chat with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutDionne Warwick performing in 2021. Nina Westervelt for The New York TimesThe five-time Grammy-winning singer Dionne Warwick is the subject of a new career-spanning documentary, “Dionne Warwick: Don’t Make Me Over.” More