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      Jimmy Kimmel: Trump NFTs Are ‘Literally Cards Against Humanity’

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      “At least last time, you got a red hat. Now he’s selling you nothing,” Kimmel said of Trump’s new digital trading cards.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Cards Against Humanity’On Thursday, former President Donald Trump made what he’d promoted the day before as a major announcement: the release of digital NFT trading cards featuring Trump as a superhero, an astronaut and several other fantastical figures, for $99 each.Jimmy Kimmel complained that they’re not even real trading cards, but digital ones, “which is another way of saying nothing.”“At least last time, you got a red hat. Now he’s selling you nothing! It’s literally Cards Against Humanity.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know your campaign isn’t going well when your re-election strategy is, ‘Maybe people will like me as a Pokemon.’ Trump was like, ‘These cards are like classified documents — you’ve got to catch them all.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The ex-president of the United States, the ex-most powerful man in the world, has launched a line of trading cards. It’s Grope-e-mon, with Pikacoup.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is the least-dignified attempt at post-presidential merchandising since the launch of Tickle-me-Truman.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And by the way, we already have Donald Trump trading cards — they’re called subpoenas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In a way, this is all kind of gratifying to me, because a monster who tried to install himself as our fascist strongman is now reduced to hawking a line of trading cards. It’s like if Hitler escaped the bunker and released Mein Komic Book.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (QAnon Meets QVC Edition)“After teasing a ‘major announcement’ on his social media platform Truth Social, former President Trump announced today he is releasing a collection of digital trading cards. It’s what his doctors are calling ‘a new symptom.’” — SETH MEYERS“I know we say ‘This is crazy’ a lot, but this is crazy! He’s selling NFTs like a crypto bro — while he’s running for president.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s a business genius! Jumping in on the NFT market, when it’s at its hottest. Next, he’s releasing an exclusive line of rotary phones.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Also, got to love the timing of a former president launching his NFT line the same week a crypto scammer gets arrested. [imitating Trump] ‘They got S.B.F.? Looks like there’s an opening available, then!’” — SETH MEYERS“The timing, too. It’s astonishing. Three days after that FTX guy got arrested for fraud, Trump said, ‘Now is the time to get into the imaginary baseball card market.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If you saw that at 2 a.m., would you be like, ‘Am I having an Ambien dream?” — JIMMY FALLON“Oh, look at this — it’s like QAnon meets QVC, it really is.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Even the most die-hard Trump supporters were like, ‘OK, now I’m worried.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Even the MyPillow guy was going, ‘I think Trump’s lost it.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingAnderson Cooper and Andy Cohen joined Stephen Colbert for “Rescue Dog Rescue” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This Out“Drama is something I’ve always wanted to do from the beginning, and just went a long way round to get to it,” said Eddie Izzard, who for most of her career has been best known for comedy.Josefina Santos for The New York TimesThe British comedian and actor Eddie Izzard will play every character in a new Off Broadway adaptation of “Great Expectations.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Doesn’t Want to Editorialize, but He Will

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      Colbert was shocked by a report that 34 lawmakers texted Mark Meadows about subverting the 2020 election. “That is unbelievable — 34 people wanted to talk to Mark Meadows!” he said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.He Gets AroundStephen Colbert was amazed by a report that 34 Republican lawmakers had exchanged text messages with Mark Meadows, the former Trump chief of staff, about overturning the 2020 election results.“That is unbelievable — 34 people wanted to talk to Mark Meadows!” Colbert said on Tuesday night.“These members of Congress communicating with Meadows were — and it’s not my place to editorialize — stupid, evil traitors who were trying to do crimes against democracy, for which they should be punished with decades of jail time.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Turns out the calls were coming from inside the House — and the Senate.” — JIMMY KIMMELJimmy Kimmel said “all the usual suspects” were among the 34, including Ted Cruz, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Jim Jordan. “It’s like a gang of Batman’s dumbest enemies,” he said. Another was Representative Ralph Norman of South Carolina, who was said to have written that “we are at a point of no return in saving our Republic!! Our LAST HOPE is invoking Marshall Law!!”“But instead of ‘martial’ he spelled it ‘Marshall,’ like the chain of off-price department stores. And if Marshall Law doesn’t work, we’ll mobilize the TJ Maxxinistas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Thank God this coup wasn’t planned by people who could solve the Wordle. We’d all be in a lot of trouble right now.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Respecting Marriage Edition)“Today, President Biden hosted a ceremony on the South Lawn to sign a bill that mandates federal recognition for same-sex marriages. When he heard, Mike Pence was like, ‘Barkeep, give me a shot of whole milk. Just leave the whole carton.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Respecting marriage? Wow, he really is undoing all of Trump’s orders.” — SETH MEYERS“That bill passed with strong bipartisan support in the House and Senate. Wow, even the partisanship was bi. That’s really great.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, the bill protects all marriages, unless you’re one of those couples who feed each other in public. Then you’re on your own.” — JIMMY FALLON“That is great news. And I hope you were listening, Alan and Brad. No more excuses. Grandma’s not going to live forever. I booked the Doubletree by the lake for June 9. Get a linen suit.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers took Lizzo day drinking on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightTegan and Sara will perform a song from their new album “Crybaby” on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutSZA revels in mixed emotions on her second studio album. Jemal Countess/Getty ImagesSZA puts complex craftsmanship into songs that sound like spontaneous confessions on her new album, “SOS.” More

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      Late Night Celebrates Raphael Warnock’s Win in the Georgia Runoff

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      Stephen Colbert said he was both “gratified and terrified” after Warnock narrowly beat Herschel Walker for a Senate seat.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Warnock For the WinLate night hosts had taped their Tuesday shows before the results from the Georgia Senate runoff were in, so they shared their reactions to Raphael Warnock’s win on Wednesday.Stephen Colbert said he felt a swing of emotions. “Gratified, because Raphael Warnock defeated Herschel Walker, 51.4 percent to 48.6 percent, and terrified, because 48.6 percent of Georgians looked at Herschel Walker and went, ‘Yeah, that guy should be a U.S. senator.’”“Warnock has won Georgia! It’s fitting he’s a reverend, because when I hear that, all I can say is ‘Thank God.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But despite that, it was close. It was really, really close. In fact, if I was Raphael Warnock, my victory speech wouldn’t have been me smiling. I would have been a lot more different. He’s a gracious man. He was talking about democracy and America’s promise. I would have been up there like, ‘Are you people kidding me with this [expletive]? You guys are giving me a two point win over this walking vasectomy commercial? Are you kidding me?’ He is a better man.” — TREVOR NOAH“This is a tough break for Walker, though it’ll take him a couple days to understand what has happened.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Walker was so deeply unqualified that much of the time it seemed like he didn’t even know what was going on. Even Walker’s fellow Republicans warned months ago that he could lose. The only reason he was even a candidate for the Senate in the first place was that he was once on Donald Trump’s game show. Donald Trump fired him from ‘The Celebrity Apprentice,’ but thought he might do better in the United States Senate. [imitating Trump] ‘Herschel, I don’t know if you’re ready to sell corn dogs in Times Square, so let’s put you in charge of the U.S. military first.’” — SETH MEYERS“Rafael Warnock defeated Republican Herschel Walker in the Georgia runoff last night, giving Democrats a 51-49 seat majority in the Senate. Experts say the key to Warnock’s victory was that he wasn’t Herschel Walker.” — JAMES CORDEN“When you take a moment, when you step away from a race, you understand how crazy this was? You had Raphael Warnock, a pastor — a pastor who is preaching at the same church as M.L.K., and Herschel Walker, a man who thinks M.L.K. is how you spell ‘milk.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Herschel, What’s Next? Edition)“With this loss, Walker is expected to return to his previous job, lying about having previous jobs. But on the bright side, it gives him more time to spend with his family, and more time to figure out who that is.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And with the election behind him, Herschel says he will now focus on his true passion, having more kids than Nick Cannon.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Herschel’s already working on his next project, which is desperately trying to learn to sing ‘Baby Got Back’ while dressed like an acorn on ‘The Masked Singer.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Herschel has decided to step away from the spotlight to spend more time denying allegations from his family.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth Watching“The Daily Show” parodied holiday rom-coms with its political parody, “The Daily Show Christmas Movie: A Vote for Love.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightOn Thursday night, Trevor Noah will sign off with his last episode as host of “The Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutIce Spice’s “Munch (Feelin’ U)” introduces a new piece of slang. The track made all three of our critics’ lists this year.Edwig HensonWith 70 different songs spanning several genres, our critics share their picks for the best songs of 2022. More

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      Trevor Noah Takes on Trump’s Attempt to Terminate the Constitution

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      “There was no proof of a conspiracy to help defeat Donald Trump,” Noah said. “But you know who doesn’t care about any of that? Donald Trump.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The TerminatorOver the weekend, Donald Trump floated the idea of terminating the Constitution. He was responding to a report about Twitter, specifically its decision, during the 2020 presidential campaign, to block links to an article about Hunter Biden’s laptop.As Trevor Noah noted, some people expected the report — hyped in advance by Twitter’s new owner, Elon Musk — to show that Twitter had colluded with Democrats to repress the story. Instead, it seemed to show the Biden campaign asking Twitter to take down not-safe-for-work Hunter Biden photos. Still, Trump seemed to believe it proved “Massive Fraud” that justified the “termination” of parts of the Constitution, in order to reverse the election results.“There was no proof of a conspiracy to help defeat Donald Trump,” Noah said. “But you know who doesn’t care about any of that? Donald Trump.”“The Constitution is one of the documents he actually stole and took to Mar-a-Lago.” — JAMES CORDEN“Former President Trump on Saturday said that the 2020 election should be overturned and the Constitution should be terminated. Well, I’ll say this for him, he does give a memorable wedding toast.” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, that’s right. The Republican front-runner for president of the United States wants to terminate the Constitution because Twitter wouldn’t allow him to see Hunter Biden’s [expletive].”— TREVOR NOAH“Again with the Hunter Biden laptop! Give it a rest! You don’t hear anyone obsessing over the former president’s son’s laptop. And Eric’s got a good one — it’s made by Fisher-Price, and it can tell you what sound a cow makes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So yeah, sorry, everyone, if you want to see naked people, you’ve got to go to every other website on the internet, I guess.” — TREVOR NOAH“You know, not everyone is a stable enough genius to write down their intention to overthrow democracy in a social media post, but he thinks the Constitution is something that can be terminated, like it’s Meat Loaf on an episode of ‘Celebrity Apprentice.’ It doesn’t go like that.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s only fair. Trump got to win an election through Facebook, Biden should get to win one through Twitter.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Walker’s Big Run Edition)“Some political news, tomorrow is the Georgia Senate runoff between Herschel Walker and Senator Raphael Warnock. Warnock’s supporters said that they’re voting for him because of his policies, while Walker’s supporters say they’re voting for him because it’s funny.” — JIMMY FALLON“More than 1.8 million Georgia residents have already voted, and that’s just Herschel Walker’s children.” — JIMMY FALLON“Right now, Warnock is leading Walker in the polls by about four points. Yeah, only four points. That explains Warnock’s slogan, ‘Even if I win, I’m genuinely hurt.’” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden said on Friday that Democrats must win the Georgia Senate runoff to avoid a 50-50 split in the chamber. ‘But that would mean the end of my presidency!’ said Joe Manchin.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Haley Lu Richardson shared the first text message she received from her co-star Aubrey Plaza before they started working together on “The White Lotus.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe all-woman tap group Syncopated Ladies will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJerrod Carmichael in a scene from his HBO stand-up special “Rothaniel.”HBOJerrod Carmichael’s “Rothaniel” and Atsuko Okatsuka’s forthcoming HBO Max special “The Intruder” are among the best comedy of 2022. More

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      Late Night Predicts a Tough Thanksgiving

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      For the humans, there’s inflation; for the turkeys, there’s avian flu. “To be fair, I’m pretty sure every Thanksgiving is a tough one for turkey,” said Stephen Colbert.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Thank$giving 2022Thanksgiving will be affected by inflation this year.In his Wednesday night monologue, Stephen Colbert attributed that to “a variety of factors, including the war in Ukraine, high fuel prices. But the number one factor, according to experts, is Hunter Biden’s laptop.”“In other words, it’s going to cost you an arm and a leg for a wing and a thigh.” — JAMES CORDEN“This year, your Thanksgiving might look a little different, because prices are up on almost everything, from frozen pie crusts to pumpkin pie mix to a dozen dinner rolls. Well, there goes my favorite dessert: a dozen dinner rolls.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But it’s not just the supporting players. It’s also the star of the show, Tom Turkey. In addition to inflation, a blight of avian flu means that Thanksgiving 2022 is shaping up to be a tough one for turkey. To be fair, I’m pretty sure every Thanksgiving is a tough one for turkey.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Prices are up because of inflation and supply chain issues. so don’t be surprised if this year, the candied yams are just a potato with a Starburst in it.” — JAMES CORDEN“A new record high for Thanksgiving food items. You know how the economists figured this out? Pie chart.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Night Before Edition)“Today was so-called ‘Blackout Wednesday,’ which is known as the biggest bar night of the year. So if you’re watching me right now, you a loser.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s a great tradition, you talk smack about your family to your friends, and then tomorrow you talk smack about your friends to your family.” — JIMMY FALLON“This is actually one of the biggest drinking nights of the year, which is why tomorrow morning people are going to be, like, ‘I’m most thankful for this bacon, egg and cheese and Gatorade.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Right now, some of you are excited to see your family, while the rest of you are about to draw an extra line on a Covid test.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s a special time, when we gather with family and friends to share our gratitude through America’s traditional expression of love: the food coma.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A bit of history: I read that Abraham Lincoln declared Thanksgiving an official holiday in 1863. It’s like during the Civil War, he saw our country fighting each other and thought, ‘We should make a whole meal out of this.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingBruce Springsteen shared his favorite Thanksgiving dishes on Wednesday’s “Late Night With Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutHugh Jackman and Zen McGrath in “The Son.”Rekha Garton/Sony Pictures ClassicsHugh Jackman plays the father of a troubled teenager in Florian Zeller’s drama “The Son.” More

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      Late Night Can’t Wait to Finally See Trump’s Tax Returns

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      Jimmy Kimmel joked that Trump “promised to release his tax returns more times than he promised to release Melania.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Just in Time for ThanksgivingOn Tuesday, the Supreme Court rejected former President Donald Trump’s request to block a House committee from obtaining his tax returns.“He promised to release his tax returns more times than he promised to release Melania,” Jimmy Kimmel joked. “Like 10,000.”“Democrats will only have a few weeks to access the documents before the Republicans retake the House and make them disappear. Basically, Trump’s tax returns are like a close friend’s Instagram story.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Now, following this ruling, we can finally find out if he wrote off Eric as a loss.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Farewell, Dr. Fauci Edition)“Today, Dr. Fauci gave his final White House briefing before his retirement. He was like, ‘This is my last day, so if you want to inject bleach, go nuts.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Dr. Anthony Fauci today gave what is likely his last coronavirus briefing before retiring at the end of the year. And you can tell he’s kinda given up, because he gave the briefing from a rave.” — SETH MEYERS“Dr. Fauci is 81 years old. Today, Biden was like, ‘Congrats on your early retirement.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingStephen Colbert addressed the issues plaguing this year’s World Cup on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe “Dead to Me” star Linda Cardellini will stop by “The Late Late Show” on Wednesday night.Also, Check This OutWomen now make up a majority of players in the New York Philharmonic, but they dominate some sections of the orchestra more than others: 27 of the ensemble’s 30 violinists are women. Calla Kessler for The New York TimesFor the first time in 180 years, women outnumber men in the New York Philharmonic. More