Late Night with Seth Meyers (TV Program)

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      Jimmy Fallon Studies Trump’s Golfless Golf Course Gathering

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      “Yeah, Trump was smart. He was like, ‘How about nine of us meet on the green with no clubs, so it doesn’t look suspicious?’” Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Executive CourseThere’s been speculation about why Donald Trump made an unannounced trip to the Washington area, where he was photographed on a golf course with his son Eric and several other men — none of whom had golf clubs. Jimmy Fallon called it a “very diverse group,” saying “they had polo shirts of every color. ”“Looks like backstage at a fashion show for Marshall’s.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, Trump was smart. He was like, ‘How about nine of us meet on the green with no clubs, so it doesn’t look suspicious?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump was like, ‘So, I think I buried the documents somewhere around here. So start — start digging, boys.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Whatever it was, it must not have been too important because Eric was there, riding up front with Daddy like a big boy.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Emmys Edition)“The Emmy Awards ceremony was held last night. Our show was nominated and, honey, clear some space on the mantle, ‘cause they had snow globes at the airport!” — SETH MEYERS“John Oliver beat us for like the 485th time in a row, and congratulations to John. But I’ll tell you something: Even though we didn’t win last night, it was an honor just to get Covid from those who did win last night.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“As they all are nowadays, this was the lowest-rated Emmys show ever. Only 5.92 million people watched the show on NBC. But that’s not really the whole story — it’s not fair. It was also on Peacock, so when you add in the people who streamed it there, it’s still 5.92 million people.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingEthan Hawke answered the “Colbert Questionert” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe newly minted Emmy winner Quinta Brunson will talk about her big night on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutLee Jung-jae, left, who won the Emmy for best actor in a drama series, and Hwang Dong-hyuk, who was honored for his directing, after an impressive showing for “Squid Game” in Los Angeles on Monday.Aude Guerrucci/ReutersAs “Squid Game” racked up multiple Emmys, it was hailed as the latest example of South Korea’s rise as a cultural powerhouse. More

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      James Corden Pays Tribute to the Queen

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      The British host of “The Late Late Show” called Queen Elizabeth II “a guiding light.” Other hosts went a bit lighter with their commentary.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Long Did She ReignQueen Elizabeth II died on Thursday, after seven decades on the throne. Late night’s British import, James Corden, delivered a joke-free opening segment on “The Late Late Show,” calling the queen “a guiding light; always gracious, always dignified, always a shining example of leadership.”“I, like the rest of the world, am so sad tonight, but also so thankful and grateful to the queen for the most incredible service and leadership she has shown during all of our lifetimes.” — JAMES CORDENThe other hosts went lighter with their commentary on the queen’s lengthy reign.“She was the queen for 70 years, longer than any monarch in British history. To put it in perspective for Americans, this would be like if Kris Jenner died here.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The queen is known as England’s rock. We don’t have a rock. The closest thing we have to a rock in America is The Rock.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But 96 — that’s a pretty good run. I feel like if you die anywhere on the FM radio dial, it’s — you know? My goal is to make it to Hot 97 — or maybe even Power 106, who knows?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“When you think about all the people that the queen has met with over the last 70 years, it’s really remarkable. She’s met with everyone from Lady Bird Johnson to Lady Gaga, from Bill Clinton to Will.i.am. She met J.F.K. and J.Lo. She’s met the Beatles and the Spice Girls. … Then, after all these years, this week she saw Harry Styles spit on Chris Pine and said, ‘OK, I’ve had enough.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“She came to power in 1952. You understand how long that is? That means she’s seen Adam West as Batman, Michael Keaton as Batman, Christian Bale as Batman, Ben Affleck as Batman — survived that — and then Robert Pattinson as Batman. And look, I’m sure there’s a better way to measure time than in Batman, but you get it. She’s been in the game for a minute.”— TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bannon’s Dirty Deeds Edition)“Former Trump strategist Steve Bannon turned himself in to New York authorities today to face state criminal charges. Well, the good news is, I’m positive this man knows how to make toilet wine.” — SETH MEYERS“He has been charged with multiple felonies, including money laundering, which is definitely the first time in Steve Bannon’s life he’s been accused of doing laundry.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This guy doesn’t look like he has $15. Look at him! Millions of dollars? He looks like he sublets from Oscar the Grouch.” — TREVOR NOAH“When the judge asked Bannon how he pleads, he said ‘grimy.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon and Blake Shelton premiered their new football-season-inspired song “I’ll Bring the Ice” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe real Weird Al Yankovic, left, and his movie double, Daniel Radcliffe. “I hope this confuses a lot of people,” the musician said of their biopic.Sinna Nasseri for The New York TimesWeird Al Yankovic and Daniel Radcliffe formed an unlikely bond on the set of “Weird: The Al Yankovic Story.” More

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      Trevor Noah Celebrates a Shocking Victory for Abortion Rights in Kansas

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      “Congratulations, Kansas. It’s moments like these I wish I knew which one of these states you were,” Noah joked on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not in Kansas AnymoreKansas voters rejected a constitutional amendment on Tuesday that would restrict and limit access to abortion rights in the state.“Congratulations, Kansas. It’s moments like these I wish I knew which one of these states you were,” Trevor Noah joked on Wednesday.“And may I remind you, Kansas is a state so bright red, it looks like me after 30 seconds on the beach.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, no one expected this. This was a bigger shock than when Batgirl found out her real nemesis was the C.E.O. of Warner Brothers.” — TREVOR NOAH, referring to a decision to kill a $90 million “Batgirl” movie“Wow, somewhere right now Brett Kavanaugh is angrily chugging a Coors Light tallboy with PJ and Squee.” — SETH MEYERS“And this is where you realize as well the anti-abortion views of right-wing lawmakers and some people on the Supreme Court — they don’t mirror what actual Americans want, right? It’s not accurate. And that’s a huge problem in this country. It’s like letting the craziest dude in your friend group plan your bachelor party. And you’re going to be like ‘I just wanted to play beer pong — how did we end up in a Bangkok prison? Not cool, Samuel.’” — TREVOR NOAH“They also changed their state bird from the western meadowlark to flipping off Sam Alito.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Votes Edition)“So last night was a very good night for Donald ‘Jigglypuff’ Trump. In Michigan, his candidate defeated a Republican who voted to impeach him. In Arizona, his candidates won the primaries for senate and secretary of state, and in Missouri, the Eric he endorsed beat the other Eric that he endorsed. Yeah, it was the best night Trump has had that didn’t end with somebody signing an NDA.” — TREVOR NOAH“Most alarming about the elections is that many of the big winners include several election deniers backed by the former president. Apparently, the majority of Republican voters don’t trust voting, so after they cast their ballots, they got multiple stickers: ‘I voted.’ ‘Or did I?’ ‘Stop the sticker!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And these could have national implications because these Republicans, the ones winning now, they all believe in crazy conspiracy theories about Biden stealing the election in 2020. So if they win the final races, they could end up in charge of counting the votes in 2024. I don’t know about you, but I know for certain I do not trust them with their job.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe stand-up comic Katherine Blanford made her television debut on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightLL Cool J will stop by Thursday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutJennette McCurdy’s relationship with her mother is the narrative force at the center of her memoir.Ahmed Gaber for The New York TimesJennette McCurdy reflects on her time as a child actor and on her troubled relationship with her mother in her new memoir, “I’m Glad My Mom Died.” More

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      Seth Meyers Mocks Trump for His Imaginary Friends

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      Meyers noted that Trump’s speeches frequently have him “whining incessantly about how he’s being treated or repeating some weird lie an imaginary friend supposedly told him.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump and His Imaginary FriendsFormer President Donald Trump over the weekend attended a conservative conference in Tampa, Fla., where he repeated a story to the crowd about a friend who once referred to him as “the most persecuted person in American history.”Seth Meyers pointed out on Monday that Trump’s speeches often have him “whining incessantly about how he’s being treated or repeating some weird lie an imaginary friend supposedly told him.”“I like the idea that this never occurred to Trump until a friend suggested it. Is this where he gets all his ideas? ‘[imitating Trump friend] You know, Donald, I was thinking, your situation kind of reminds me of — well, the Salem witch trials. It’s almost like it’s a hunt — for witches, Donald. You know, like a witch hunt.’” — SETH MEYERS“He just sat back and he thought about it and he came to the conclusion that, yes, his friend was right. I’m sure he was just sitting in his study with a pipe and smoking jacket surrounded by walls of books, comparing himself to other historical examples famous persecuted Americans. ‘[imitating Trump] Let’s see. There’s me, there’s Rosa Parks, there’s Rubin ‘Hurricane’ Carter. I guess out of those three, it’s got to be me — if it’s those three.” — SETH MEYERS“I also love the idea that Trump sat back and thought about it, you know, after he finished conjugating ‘persecuted’: ‘[imitating Trump] Persecuted, persecution. They persecute and I’m the persecutee.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Monkeypox Takes New York Edition)“On Saturday, the W.H.O. declared monkeypox a global health emergency. No, no, W.H.O.! No new health emergencies until you finish your Covid, little mister!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Why? Why! Another global health emergency? No! We just got done with ignoring this pandemic, I don’t know if I can handle another one.” — TREVOR NOAH“The C.D.C. has provided some information on how monkeypox spreads, mainly through direct contact with an infectious rash and bodily fluids, which is why they say, when at all possible, people with monkeypox should handle their own soiled laundry. That C.D.C. report was written by Dr. Mom-who-is-sick-of-this: ‘You’re 23, Jordan! Go to a laundromat!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The reason monkeypox has been upped to emergency status is because it’s spreading faster than the scientists had expected. As of today, New York City alone has logged over 1,000 cases. That is unacceptable. The only disease you should contract in New York is herpes from a subway pole. Welcome to our beautiful city! Touch nothing.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And also, why is New York the epicenter again, huh? Haven’t we been through enough? Hurricane Sandy, coronavirus, the Knicks. No, I’m joking, I’m joking — Sandy wasn’t a complete disaster.” — TREVOR NOAH“Seriously, people, what is it about New York? Why do diseases love it, you know? What is it about this place, outside of the rats and cockroaches and the subways full of feces and pounds of garbage on the sidewalk?’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingToro y Moi performed “Millennium” from his new album “Mahal” on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightSt. Vincent will perform the second night of her weeklong residency on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJoni Mitchell, who has rarely appeared in public in recent years, performed some of her most iconic songs, including an extended guitar solo on “Just Like This Train” from her “Court and Spark” album.Nina WesterveltJoni Mitchell made a surprise appearance at the Newport Folk Festival on Sunday and performed live for the first time in two decades. More

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      Stephen Colbert Goes Live After Thursday’s Jan. 6 Hearing

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      “Yes, he is a stain on our history, and thanks to these hearings, we know that stain is ketchup,” Stephen Colbert said of Donald Trump.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Insurrection Will Be TelevisedThe lengthy Jan. 6 hearing on Thursday night highlighted former President Donald Trump’s lack of attempts to stop the insurrection on the Capitol, instead choosing to watch Fox News in the White House dining room.“He chose not to act. Same review he got for ‘Home Alone 2,’” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday’s live edition of “Late Night.”“He did not call them from a box. He did not call while watching Fox. He did not help out Uncle Sam. His brain is made of eggs and ham. But, in his defense, it is possible he forgot the number for 9-1-1.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on news that Trump didn’t reach out to any security officials on Jan. 6“Yes, he is a stain on our history — and thanks to these hearings, we know that stain is ketchup.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to Representative Adam Kinzinger’s referring to Trump’s inaction as “a stain” on our history“So, all in all, it was a long night — almost three hours — but it wasn’t nearly as long as the 187 minutes where the former president did nothing to stop an ongoing insurrection that he created and then watched it all in glee as it played out on TV. Let’s just hope some of his followers were watching this tonight.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Positive’ News for Biden Edition)“The White House announced that President Biden has a mild case of Covid. On the bright side, it’s the first positive news Biden’s gotten in months.” — JIMMY FALLON“Now of course, the big story today is that President Biden tested positive for Covid, but according to the White House, Biden is feeling pretty good for a 300-year-old man.” — RUPAUL, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“President Biden tested positive today for the coronavirus. Luckily, we’ve all been keeping our distance.” — SETH MEYERS“Joe said his symptoms are mild, and he’ll be back to falling off his bike in no time.” — RUPAUL“Get well soon, sir. You made it through the Spanish flu; you can make it through this.” — TREVOR NOAH“Biden hasn’t been this sick since the time he got scurvy on Noah’s Ark.” — RUPAUL“That’s right, Covid isn’t going to slow Joe Biden down because he can’t get any slower.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon announced his book club’s latest selection on Thursday’s “Tonight Show”: “Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow,” by Gabrielle Zevin.Also, Check This OutFrom left, Daniel Kaluuya, Keke Palmer and Brandon Perea in “Nope,” the latest feature from the director Jordan Peele.Universal PicturesJordan Peele’s “Nope” stars Daniel Kaluuya and Keke Palmer as brother-and-sister horse wranglers defending the family ranch from an extraterrestrial threat. More

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      Stephen Colbert Skewers Steve Bannon

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      “Finally, Bannon can tell the former president’s side of the story,” Colbert said on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Losing PrivilegesThe criminal trial against Steve Bannon began on Tuesday, when prosecutors presented evidence that Donald Trump’s former aide never had the executive privilege he claimed kept him from complying with the investigation into the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol.“I mean, wow, he really hung Bannon out to dry,” Stephen Colbert said of Trump on Tuesday. “Which isn’t easy, because he excretes a thick layer of sebum.”“Finally, Bannon can tell the former president’s side of the story. [Imitating Bannon] ‘Mr. Chairman, this is all a simple misunderstanding. The president didn’t mean to grab the steering wheel from the Secret Service — he just thought it was a big black doughnut!’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (How Hot Is It? Edition)“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it is hot. It is hot! Not just here in the U.S., but there are record-high temperatures all across the world. Seriously, it’s so hot, people on TikTok were slapping each other with tortillas just for the breeze.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s so hot right now, the fantasy suite on ‘The Bachelorette’ is just the back of an ice cream truck.” — JIMMY FALLON“It is so hot, people are ordering Chipotle just so the E. coli can give them the chills.” — JIMMY FALLON“The heat’s hitting the Brits extra hard, because the Brits aren’t used to extreme weather, and the houses over there — especially older ones — were built to retain warmth. Now luckily, Brits can keep cool with their light and refreshing cuisine of potted organ meat, battered fish and room-temperature beer.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Remember when you wished that everybody who denied climate change would go to hell? Unfortunately, hell came to us.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingGregory Robinson of NASA sat down with Trevor Noah to share insights on what the James Webb telescope can tell us about the universe.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightKerry Washington will guest host Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutDesus Nice, left, and the Kid Mero. Their late-night talk show upended many conventions of the format with a freewheeling approach that could elicit candid, personal insights from celebrities and politicians.Joel Barhamand for The New York Times“Desus & Mero” has ended its Showtime run as the hosts pursue “separate creative endeavors.” More

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      Trevor Noah Mocks Joe Biden for That Fist Bump

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      Noah called the president’s choice how to greet Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia “the whitest decision of all time.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.KnuckleheadsPresident Biden’s fist bump with Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia raised eyebrows over the weekend. On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah had a lot of opinions about that moment.“America obsesses about these things: ‘No, don’t look too friendly.’ It’s also funny how President Biden thought it would be better to fist bump Mohammed bin Salman because that seems less friendly than a handshake. That’s the whitest decision of all time.” — TREVOR NOAH“You know what Biden should have done if he didn’t want controversy in this? He should have gone in for the handshake and then given him the ‘Psych!’” — TREVOR NOAH“You know what I really think happened? I think Joe Biden’s team briefed him and they were like, ‘Mr. President, in Saudi Arabia, if you make them mad, and you have, they will chop off your hand. So hide your finger, get in, quick, in and out, in and out. Godspeed, Mr. President.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bennifer Again-if-er Edition)“That’s right, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez reportedly got married over the weekend. Because right now, that’s the only way a Red Sox fan can get a win in the Bronx.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, they got married at a drive-through chapel. You know inflation is bad when even those two are, like, ‘Let’s just do it in Vegas.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The guy who married them was, like, ‘Wow, you two are the best Ben and J. Lo impersonators I’ve ever seen — you’re really good.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Love is real! If they can make it work, there’s hope for every attractive millionaire celebrity couple with a skin-care line.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And as I’m sure you know, the two were engaged years ago, but now they’ve made it official. It’s Bennifer again-i-fer! Or, as I prefer, ‘Jennifer 2: Jen-flecktric Boogaffleck.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingDana Carvey, the guest host on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” brought his famous “Church Lady” impression from “Saturday Night Live” to Monday’s monologue.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightCourtney Barnett, the Australian indie rock artist, will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJoel Kim Booster in his Netflix special “Psychosexual.”Terence Patrick/NetflixSome seasoned stand-ups — Joel Kim Booster, Nikki Glaser, Bill Burr, Fahim Anwar and Cristela Alonzo — have stellar new comedy specials available for streaming this summer. More

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      Stephen Colbert Reflects on This Year in the Supreme Court

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      Colbert referred to the court’s year of bold rulings as “a real roller-coaster ride, in that I am nauseous and scared we’re all going to die.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Environmental HazardThe Supreme Court held the last session of its term on Thursday and announced yet another controversial decision. This time, the court ruled to limit the Environmental Protection Agency’s ability to regulate carbon emissions from power plants.Stephen Colbert referred to the court’s year of bold calls as “a real roller-coaster ride, in that I am nauseous and scared we’re all going to die.”“Today was the final day of the Supreme Court’s current term and I gotta say, thank god. This must be how the Jets feel when halftime finally arrives: [imitating a Jets player] ‘Well, at least we get 15 minutes when they can’t kick our [expletive]!’” — SETH MEYERS“What are you thinking, Supreme Court? It’s the Environmental Protection Agency — if they can’t limit the emissions, then the agency can’t protect the environment. They’re going to have to change what the ‘P’ stands for — maybe ‘Environmental Punch-Dolphins-in-the-Taint Agency.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“With these maniacs in charge, our only hope is that the smokestacks put on a condom.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Supreme Court ruled that the Environmental Protection Agency does not have the authority to protect the environment? So what is their job now?”— TREVOR NOAH“And by the way, by the way, just so you understand, this ruling might not just be about the carbon emissions. A lot of experts believe the logic of today’s ruling makes it harder for the government to regulate anything unless Congress specifically passes a law to do it. Because you see, right now, a lot of regulations are made by agencies, like — like the F.D.A. They will handle food, you know? The C.D.C. with public health; the B.R.B., with ignoring text messages.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, Justice Jackson made history as the first Black woman on the Supreme Court, and the first person to make people cheer for the Supreme Court in the past two weeks.” — JIMMY FALLON“Ketanji Brown Jackson was sworn in today as the Supreme Court’s 116th justice — and then Clarence Thomas dissented against that, too.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Vasectomy Edition)“With contraception in the judicial cross hairs, folks are taking their genitals into their own hands, with men rushing to get vasectomies — and then very slowly walking home from them.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“According to one urologist, before the Supreme Court’s ruling he received four or five vasectomy requests a day. But since the decision, that number has spiked to 12 to 18. Makes sense. The most effective forms of birth control for men are abstinence and vasectomies. They have a similar result, but there’s a vas deferens.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’ve never personally performed a vasectomy, but I’d like to try my very first one on Samuel Alito.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“Following the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, urologists have reportedly seen an uptick in requests for vasectomies. And this is weird — from women: [imitating woman] ‘His name is Dave — I’ll bring him in.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden tried his hand at being the president’s assistant on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutOur list of 12 books to read in July includes a tender coming-of-age memoir by Isaac Fitzgerald, a biography of Vladimir V. Putin and novels from Silvia Moreno-Garcia, Bolu Babalola and Daniel Nieh. More