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      Stephen Colbert Spoils Stephanie Grisham’s Tell-All Tidbits

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      Colbert joked that the former White House press secretary had titled her Trump tell-all “I Just Recently Grew a Spine.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Too Little Too LateStephen Colbert lamented having to drudge up Donald Trump again on Tuesday night.“No matter how hard I try not to, sometimes the news forces me to talk about our former president, Scrooge McSchmuck,” Colbert said.This week, the topic was Stephanie Grisham’s new tell-all about her time working in the Trump White House, and Colbert said he wanted to spoil all the juicy bits so as not to give her a sales boost.“Stephanie Grisham worked in the White House for four years, and as press secretary, she famously never gave a single press conference. But now she’s spilling all the tea in her new book, ‘I Just Recently Grew a Spine.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In the book, Grisham uses a lot of colorful language to describe the administration, calling it ‘a clown car on fire running at full speed into a warehouse full of fireworks.’ Or as Fox News would put it, ‘a brave band of flaming harlequins rushing patriotically into the explosive jaws of danger.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, just a reminder: She knew all about the fiery clown car and she still called shotgun for four years.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Grisham goes on to write, ‘I can give you endless metaphors: living in a house that was always on fire, or in an insane asylum where you couldn’t tell the difference between the patients and the attendants, or on a roller coaster that never stopped.’ Ooh, ooh, let me try: Being in his administration is like sliding blindfolded down a 50-foot razor blade into a tub of gin. It’s like walking through a minefield led by a baby trying to change his own diaper. Driving a manure truck over a cliff into a pit of other manure trucks. Deep-sea diving surrounded by sharks who won’t shut up about winning Wisconsin.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Facebook Fallout Edition)“Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you tonight from a room full of warriors. Heroes. Survivors. Forget World War II, this is the greatest generation, because yesterday, every single person in this room had to dig down deep within themselves and find the strength to make it through Facebook’s six-hour worldwide outage.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Facebook went offline yesterday for over six hours. Wow, they finally found something they couldn’t fix with horse paste.” — SETH MEYERS“Everyone’s parents came this close to joining TikTok.” — JIMMY FALLON“Besides Zuckerberg, it was also a rough time for conspiracy theorists because for conspiracy theorists, Facebook is basically their WebMD.” — JIMMY FALLON“Well, in a statement, Facebook said the cause of the problem was, quote, ‘configuration changes on the backbone routers.’ Then they continued, ‘which caused the frontbone flexbox to dislodge the tungle switch and toggle the pixel dock florpcord, which then jolted the compshank’s codedox’s popknob causing a triple spanx zip-donk.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Facebook said that no user data was compromised during the blackout. It was not a hack, all your information is safe with them: your age, your height, weight, eye color, blood type, your birth date, your hopes, your dreams, your kidneys — all totally secure in the Facebook vaults.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The blackout was followed by a devastating congressional panel investigation this morning. Democrats and Republicans in the Senate finally found something they can agree on: They both hate Facebook.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, today, a Facebook whistle-blower testified for more than three hours in front of Congress and said some pretty damaging things. That’s right, the whistle-blower said Facebook has repeatedly misled the public and that is not OK. We already have an app for misleading the public — it’s called Tinder.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden and his staff debated who among them would win in a fight.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe cast of the Netflix dystopian hit “Squid Game” will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutWith “In These Silent Days,” Brandi Carlile reaffirms her ambitions and polishes them, too.Ricardo Nagaoka for The New York TimesBrandi Carlile’s seventh album, “In These Silent Days,” braves the extremes of her songwriting. More

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      Late Night Recaps This Year’s Congressional Baseball Game

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      “It was just baseball, no politics, until the Republican catcher went nuts about having to wear a mask,” Jimmy Fallon said on Thursday night.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Buy Me Some PeanutsDespite this week’s turmoil in Washington, including the threat of a government shutdown, the annual Congressional Baseball Game went ahead as scheduled, with President Biden and Speaker Nancy Pelosi among the spectators.“It was just baseball, no politics, until the Republican catcher went nuts about having to wear a mask,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Thursday night.“It was a real nail-biter. In the eighth inning, I got a text from Pelosi saying, ‘We’re down by one run and only your donation of $26 can turn this around.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But Pelosi had to work the phone instead of watching what I’m sure was a terrible baseball game. You think regular baseball is slow, imagine what it’s like with these bozos.” — SETH MEYERS“President Biden stopped by for the game, although it was a little creepy when he left by disappearing into a cornfield.” — JIMMY FALLON“He also spent some of the game working the phones, and then Biden left the park about an hour after he arrived. That has big absent dad vibes: [imitating Biden] ‘You look great out there, kiddo. Daddy’s just on a work call.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And while he was there, he handed out ice cream bars with the presidential seal on the package. I scream, you scream, we all scream, ‘Can you get back to work, Joe?’” — JAMES CORDEN“The Republicans beat the Democrats 13-12, but only because Kyrsten Sinema refused to tag anyone out.” — SETH MEYERS“The Dems had a chance for a big win, but in the bottom of the ninth, Joe Manchin wrote a letter cautioning that it would be irresponsible to score.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Free Britney Edition)“All right, let’s move on to some news about Britney Spears: formerly a girl, yet currently a woman.” — TREVOR NOAH“Jamie Spears, her father, is vacating his daughter’s conservatorship to focus on his true passion, trying to jump an ATV over his aboveground pool.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It has been 13 years since a court put her under a conservatorship, which means she can’t spend her own money, she can’t make her own career or medical decisions and she can’t even choose her own fighter in ‘Super Smash Bros.’ She just has to be Diddy Kong every single time!” — TREVOR NOAH“And props to her fans for making this happen. Because you know who really was ahead of the curve? That ‘Leave Britney alone’ person. Yeah, at the time, we were like, ‘Whoa, that’s a little over the top!’ And now we’re like, ‘Yo, let’s put this [expletive] on the Supreme Court.’” — TREVOR NOAH“I mean, Britney Spears is worth $60 million, yes — but she doesn’t need a conservator. You know who does? People with $60 billion. Those people are out of control. I mean, name one thing Britney has done that’s as wasteful and just, like, mindless as going into space in a giant penis.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingChloe Fineman of “Saturday Night Live” performed several spur-of-the-moment impressions on “The Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutDaniel Craig in “No Time to Die,” which was delayed a few times because of the pandemic. “I’m so desperate for people just to see it and hopefully for them to like it,” he said.Nicola Dove/MGMDaniel Craig says goodbye to James Bond with “No Time to Die.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Channels Willy Wonka to Explain Congress

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      The “Late Show” host broke into song to tell viewers about budget reconciliation and other works of “legislative wonder.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Yet Another Armageddon“I hope everyone in America is using protection, because it is very possible that we are all screwed,” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday night. The “Late Show” host was referring to the potential for a government shutdown and the possibility of the U.S. hitting the debt ceiling. (He also explained the arcane process known as budget reconciliation, putting on a Willy Wonka hat to do so.)“It would be what one economist called ‘financial Armageddon.’ That’s bad news and even worse timing, because America’s already scheduled a plague Armageddon, a climate Armageddon and a democracy Armageddon.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yes, for one magical vote a year, senators leave the mortal world behind and enter an enchanted land of reconciliation. [singing to the tune of ‘Pure Imagination’ from ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’] Come with me, and you’ll be / In a world of reconciliation / It’s our sole remedy / Except for pure intoxication.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Reconciliation is a phantasmagorical place of legislative wonder, where anything can happen. Who knows — maybe even something!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Congress — that’s the only workplace less productive than Dunder Mifflin’s Scranton branch.” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s almost like shoving everything you want into one gigantic $4 trillion package doesn’t work.” — JAMES CORDEN“Republicans aren’t making it any easier, of course. They’ve already deployed their go-to weapon that always stops the Democrats from getting things done: other Democrats.” — JAMES CORDEN“Wait, wait — maybe we should inject the budget with horse paste.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Whac-a-Mole Edition)“YouTube just announced that it is blocking all anti-vaccine content. Blocked it. But don’t worry, if you want anti-vaccine content, just check out the comment section of literally any video.” — JIMMY FALLON“Better 18 months late than never, I guess.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“TikTok explicitly prohibits misinformation related to Covid. Unfortunately, that hasn’t stopped videos from spreading faster than the disease that makes people listen to Joe Rogan.” — SAMANTHA BEE“This is all thanks to the TikTok algorithm that uses machine learning to keep users addicted. And if that machine has to learn quick, it dumps Adderall into its USB drive.” — SAMANTHA BEE“While TikTok has removed 62 million videos in the first three months of this year, it’s nearly impossible to remove every problematic post. It’s like playing TikTok Whac-a-Mole, except the moles believe the vaccines will give you an 11th toe.” — SAMANTHA BEEThe Bits Worth WatchingThis week’s hashtags segment on “The Tonight Show” challenged viewers to create fall-themed parodies.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightCharlize Theron, star of “The Old Guard 2,” will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutJon Stewart’s new show is about “trying to figure out how to diagnose what’s really, actually going on here,” he told the crowd at a recent taping.Apple TV +Jon Stewart’s new talk show, “The Problem With Jon Stewart,” will examine social issues through the personal stories of guests. More

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      Late Night Hits Trump With Colonoscopy Jokes

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      A new book by a former White House press secretary said that the former president feared late night hosts would poke fun at him if he went under for the medical procedure.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘They Had to Film It in Imax’A new book by the former White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham, “I’ll Take Your Questions Now,” revealed some fun facts about Donald J. Trump on Tuesday. One of the biggest bombshells was about the former president’s mysterious visit to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in 2019, which Grisham said was for a colonoscopy that Trump stayed conscious for, in part to keep late night television hosts from finding out and making fun of him.“I have to say, it gives me a lot of satisfaction, as a late night talk show host, to know that he opted to stay awake while they augered his innards with a sewer snake specifically because he didn’t want us making fun of him,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Kimmel said he felt cheated, finding out such vital information so late in the game: “Because when a president, especially this president, gets a colonoscopy, it is my duty — that’s right, duty — to make jokes about it.”“The president’s doctor decided to schedule this procedure after the White House toilet killed itself.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It took a while because the doctor kept accidentally sticking the camera in his mouth.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“As soon as they switched the camera on, Trump turned around and said ‘Hey doc, how are the ratings?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Afterward, the whole medical team kept saying, ‘Wow, what an unbelievable [expletive].” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The doctors said the hardest thing about giving Trump a colonoscopy was getting the camera around Mike Pence’s nose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, colonoscopy was no big deal — they only found three polyps and Rudy Giuliani.” — JIMMY FALLON“Well, sure, with this president, they had to film it in Imax.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Oh, my God, that had to be terrible — for the doctor who had to give a colonoscopy while the guy on the table kept screaming about how he won Michigan.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (The ‘Music Man’ Edition)“The book also says a White House official known as the ‘Music Man’ would play Trump his favorite show tunes like ‘Memory’ from ‘Cats’ to pull him from the brink of rage. It makes sense because Trump’s presidency is exactly like ‘Cats’ — awkward, bizarre and no one had any idea what the hell was going on.” — JIMMY FALLON“And if they wanted to drive him to the brink of rage, they’d show him the movie ‘Cats.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, Trump listened to ‘Cats’ to cheer himself up while the rest of his staff remained ‘Les Misérables.’” — JIMMY FALLON“One thing I know for sure: Some day, when Ryan Murphy eventually makes an ‘American Crime Story’ about the Trump White House, I am definitely playing the ‘Music Man.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Tuesday’s “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell,” the “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel poke fun at white neighborhoods and gay dating apps.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightStephen Colbert will welcome Anita Hill to Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJocelyn Nicole Johnson, a public school art teacher for 20 years, is the author of “My Monticello.” Matt Eich for The New York TimesAt 50, Jocelyn Nicole Johnson saw her debut collection, “My Monticello,” publish to great acclaim, and she also scored a Netflix deal. More

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      Stephen Colbert Projects Joe Biden Is Still President

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      The “Late Show” host celebrated the results of an Arizona audit that confirmed Trump’s 2020 loss.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Biggest LoserStephen Colbert was happy on Monday night to project that Joseph R. Biden Jr. is still president 11 months after the election, following a Republican-led audit in Arizona’s largest county that confirmed that President Biden not only beat Donald J. Trump, but by a larger margin than previously counted.“He really did get tired of winning!” Colbert said of Trump.“So Trump and the Arizona G.O.P. were humiliated after they spent millions to hire a group of right-wing tech weirdos called the Cyber Ninjas, which sounds like an off-brand action figure your grandma would buy you at the Dollar Store.” — SETH MEYERS“And turns out, not only did the Ninjas find ‘no substantial differences’ between their tally and the official count, they actually found 99 more votes for Biden and 261 fewer for Donald Trump. I would have loved to have been there when they broke that news to him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Maybe Trump and the G.O.P. will just have to keep bringing in crazier right-wing groups with dumber and dumber names until they finally get the results they want, like the Robo Rockets or the Digi Pirates or the Crypto Cowboys.” — SETH MEYERS“So they hired MAGA fans and even they couldn’t say that No. 45 won. That’s like hiring your mom to judge the handsomest boy contest and still losing to a 78-year-old guy from Delaware.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bearing Arms Edition)“Well, guys, this afternoon President Biden received his Covid booster shot on camera, in front of reporters. When they offered Biden the booster, he said, ‘I’ll take one in my arm and another for my approval rating.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This comes just a few days after both the F.D.A. and C.D.C. approved it. How did Biden get to the front of that line? I reckon he knows someone.” — JAMES CORDEN“The actual shot only took a second, and then Joe Biden spent 10 minutes haggling over which flavor lollipop he could have.” — JAMES CORDEN“The good news is, it should give President Biden the all-clear to join the Brooklyn Nets for the start of the N.B.A. season, so you’ve got that to look forward to.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “The Daily Show,” Roy Wood Jr. portrayed Francis Scott Key while breaking down Key’s iconic banger, “The Star-Spangled Banner.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightGabrielle Union will appear on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutBeck Bennett, a veteran “Saturday Night Live” cast member, is not returning to the show. Its 47th season begins Saturday.Dana Edelson/NBCBeck Bennett, known for his impersonations of Wolf Blitzer and Mike Pence on “Saturday Night Live,” will exit the show after eight years. More

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      Seth Meyers Scorns Trump for Suing His Own Niece

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      “Fortunately, his lawyer has experience suing family members, since Rudy sued his cousin for divorce,” Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.All in the FamilyOn Thursday’s “Late Night,” Seth Meyers talked about how nice it had been not having to think or care about Donald Trump lately.“It’s like when you finally get a cast removed and you get to shower without taping a plastic bag to your arm,” he said.But Trump has been back in the news for a number of reasons, including his lawsuit against The New York Times and Mary Trump, his niece, over his leaked tax records.“Imagine suing your own niece. I mean, fortunately, his lawyer has experience suing family members, since Rudy sued his cousin for divorce.” — SETH MEYERS“His lawsuit claims Mary Trump was motivated by ‘a personal vendetta and the desire to gain fame, notoriety, acclaim and a financial windfall,’ which are the same reasons he ran for president.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The real victim is the guy who lost a billion dollars while pretending to be a self-made tycoon in Pizza Hut commercials.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump has so many legal problems, CNN doesn’t have even time to go through them all. CNN! They’re a 24-hour news network — all they do is the news. It’s not like they hand it off at 4 p.m. to their baking show ‘The Knead With Jake Tapper,’ or their 5 p.m. dating show ‘On the Prowl With the Wolf.’” — SETH MEYERS“Kind of feels like we are in ‘The Purge’ and Donald Trump is the only one who’s allowed to break laws. Like, he can just walk around and do whatever he wants and the feds for some reason can’t touch him. At this point, Trump could park his car in front of a fire hydrant and instead of towing him, they’d just let the building burn down.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Booster Edition)“Earlier today, the C.D.C. granted emergency authorization to Pfizer for Covid booster shots, but only for high-risk individuals and people age 65 or over. After the last 18 months, we’ve all had — we all, I think, feel 65 or older, don’t we?” — JAMES CORDEN“And to make sure only seniors get the shot, the vaccination site is a Denny’s between the hours of 3:00 and 4:15. The password is ‘I miss pay phones.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A booster shot for older people. Now you are going to have people in Hollywood lying about their age in the opposite direction. They’ll be like, ‘I’m 29, but I can play 72!’” — JAMES CORDEN“So, yeah, I guess Covid shots are like iPhones now. You think are you all upgraded to the latest and greatest, and a few months later they have a new vaccine with an extra camera.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingMichael Strahan and Jimmy Fallon posed as wax versions of themselves to surprise fans at Madame Tussauds on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutElisha Williams in “The Wonder Years.” A new version of the nostalgic sitcom follows a Black family in Montgomery, Ala., in 1968.Erika Doss/ABCA reboot of “The Wonder Years” puts a twist on TV’s usual take on nostalgia by following a Black family in 1968. More

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      Late Night Shares the Stage With Climate Change

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      Seven hosts dedicated their Wednesday shows to raising awareness about the urgent need to slow global warming.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Seven late-night hosts came together for Climate Night on Wednesday, using their respective shows to raise awareness about climate change.“You can’t escape,” Jimmy Kimmel said in his monologue. “It’s basically an intervention.”A veteran late-night producer and writer, Steve Bodow, organized the event to coincide with Climate Week NYC. Kimmel made the case that climate change trumps all other important issues.“The pandemic, systemic racism, income inequality, immigration, gun violence — but here’s the thing. If we don’t address climate change, none of those issues will matter at all. The car is going off a cliff and we’re fiddling with the radio.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“How could anyone be opposed to trying to fix this? Even if you run an oil company, you and your children and their children are going to have to live on in the world. There’s no Planet B.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Wildfires, floods, landslides — which, all amazing things to hear Stevie Nicks sing about; not something you want to experience in life.” — JIMMY KIMMELSeth Meyers and James Corden worked together on a joint intro across networks. Meyers called the occasion “one night where we put aside our intense, white-hot rivalries and come together to raise awareness for the vast effects the climate is having on our lives and the things we can do to help.”On “Late Night,” Meyers argued that climate change has made everything a lot weirder.“Now it’s just normal for friends to show up to dinner in late September looking like they just ran a marathon,” Meyers said. “Pretty soon the traditional Thanksgiving feast is going to be replaced by a clothing-optional backyard barbecue. ‘It’s too hot for turkey, so we’re just doing mashed potato smoothies.’”“This is how bad climate change is getting: wildfires in the West, floods in the East, freezing cold in Texas. Billy Joel’s going to have to write an update for 2021 and call it, ‘Actually, We Did Start the Fire.’” — SETH MEYERSOn “The Late Late Show,” Corden told viewers not to worry: “We’re not going to hammer you with scary stories, like the fact that this was the hottest summer on record here in the United States, which is true.”Instead, Corden shared inspirational stories of people doing their part to combat climate change and challenged his house-band members to share their own efforts.On “Full Frontal,” Samantha Bee shined a light on what she called “the number two issue”: sewage and the failure of America’s water infrastructure.“No one wants to think about sewage, but we all need to support the water infrastructure that supports us. Because waste disposal is vital to society and sanitation is a human right — unless you’re at an outdoor music festival, in which case, it’s a distant memory.” — SAMANTHA BEEStephen Colbert pointed to the numbers in his “Late Show” monologue, including a recent survey finding that most Americans do not believe they will be personally affected by global warming.“Americans treat climate science like soccer: We know it’s out there, and it really matters to the rest of world, but no one can make us care,” Colbert said, adding, “Maybe Ted Lasso could.”“But ordinary people are doing something about climate change: They’re worrying — especially young people. A recent study asked youths 16 to 25 from around the world how they felt about climate change, and 56 percent agreed with the viewpoint that humanity is doomed. Nice try, kids, but you’re not getting out of your student loans.” — STEPHEN COLBERTOn “The Daily Show,” Trevor Noah explored how climate change affects “unexpected little things” — slowing sea turtle reproduction, dampening the human sex drive and affecting the taste of coffee, wine and beer.“A lot of weird little effects that when you add them all together ends up being basically everything,” Noah said.“You know, my one hope is this is the news that finally gets people to take drastic action. Because if anything is going to motivate people, it is going to be the end of sex.” — TREVOR NOAHJimmy Fallon, for his part, left Climate Night jokes to the other hosts. Instead, he brought Dr. Jane Goodall to “The Tonight Show,” where she discussed her call for people around the world to plant new trees. More

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      Late Night (and BTS) Goes to the U.N. General Assembly

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      Trevor Noah referred to the U.N. event as “the annual gathering that honestly could just be a Zoom.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.International Relations IRLOn Tuesday, late night weighed in on the beginning of this week’s U.N. General Assembly — or, as Trevor Noah called it, “the annual gathering that honestly could just be a Zoom.”“Guys, it’s a very busy time in New York City because the U.N. General Assembly is officially underway. Yeah, more than 100 foreign leaders are in town to address the assembly, while some are just here to pick up a fiancé for 90 days.” — JIMMY FALLON“But all the big names have shown up. President Biden gave a speech, Brazil’s Bolsonaro gave a speech, and BTS gave a speech and filmed a music video from inside U.N. headquarters. Completely real. Yeah. Old people were probably watching this, like, ‘What the hell is a BTS?’ And young people were watching it, like, ‘What the hell is the U.N.?’” — TREVOR NOAH“But it makes sense for BTS to show up at the U.N. I mean, out of all the countries there, they probably have the most powerful army.” — TREVOR NOAH“I love when the U.N. General Assembly is in session. There’s no greater joy than watching the president of Romania walk into the M&M store.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, when else are you going to spot the president of Latvia holding one of those restaurant buzzers outside Bubba Gump Shrimp? It’s like, [imitating Latvia accent] ‘Our table is ready; let’s go.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This was Biden’s first speech to the General Assembly since taking office. He told the assembly that U.S. military power should not be the answer to every problem. For that, we have alcohol and weed.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I feel sorry for the U.N. translators who are working during Biden’s speech. Imagine having to think of the Portuguese word for ‘buckaroo,’ right there on the fly.” — JAMES CORDEN“And all his leader friends from other countries were there — the fella from down under, big guy, too tall, Padre, Bucko, Slick.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“After Bolsonaro spoke, President Biden then made his address to the U.N. General Assembly. It was the first time he spoke to a room full of world leaders confidently knowing that they didn’t have him on mute.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (U.N. vaccinated Edition)“In order to be allowed on the General Assembly floor, all leaders had to either be vaccinated or test negative for Covid, but they didn’t have to show proof. They did it on the honor system. And if you can’t trust China and Russia, really, who can you trust?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Next, the U.N. is gonna be, like, ‘We believe further conflict with the Taliban will be avoided thanks to our latest pinkie promise.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro this morning entered the U.N. General Assembly hall unvaccinated, violating both U.N. rules and New York law, but he got a hero’s welcome on Staten Island.” — SETH MEYERS“President Bolsonaro believes the vaccine turns people into crocodiles — and bearded ladies, too. Crocodiles? This AstraZeneca has a lot of range, I have to say.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course, the main focus of this year’s General Assembly is fighting Covid. Yep, nothing like holding a superspreader event to tackle a pandemic.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers’s brother, Josh Meyers, parodied the California governor, Gavin Newsom, addressing his supporters on “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightNicole Kidman and Melissa McCarthy, stars of “Nine Perfect Strangers,” will join James Corden on “The Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutKacey Musgraves’s “Star-Crossed” is her divorce album, a song cycle about how a relationship deteriorates that’s full of small memories, good and bad, rendered largely without judgment.Theo Wargo/Getty Images For MTVKacey Musgraves opens up about her career as a country crossover artist on this week’s Popcast. More