Late Night with Seth Meyers (TV Program)

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      Royals’ Interview Response Rings Hollow to Late-Night Hosts

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightRoyals’ Interview Response Rings Hollow to Late-Night HostsStephen Colbert was puzzled by the British monarchy’s concern about being seen as out of touch: “Because if there’s one thing the palace surrounded by iron spikes looked like before, it was ‘in touch.’”Late-night hosts read from the British royal family’s response to Oprah Winfrey’s interview with Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.Credit…CBSMarch 10, 2021Updated 6:57 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Royally Out of TouchLate-night hosts on Tuesday discussed the British royal family’s response to Oprah Winfrey’s interview with Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, which included allegations of racism that observers say could cause lasting damage to the monarchy.“Palace sources say the Windsors were blindsided because they thought at worst, the interview would make them look out of touch,” Stephen Colbert said. “Because if there’s one thing a palace surrounded by iron spikes looked like before, it was ‘in touch.’ Now, remember not to make eye contact with the lady whose face is on the coins.”“Buckingham Palace today released a statement on behalf of the queen that begins, ‘The whole family is saddened’ — saddened is another word for bull [expletive] — ‘to learn the full extent of how challenging the last few years have been for Harry and Meghan.’ Oh, they just found out. ‘The issues raised, particularly that of race, are concerning. While some recollections may vary, they will be addressed privately.’ In other words, Prince Charles is about to get a royal shoe in his [expletive].” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The statement continues, ‘They are taken very seriously and will be addressed by the family privately.’ Oh, no doubt. I hear Prince Andrew has an island he goes to to address his privates.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“For those who aren’t fluent in palace speak, they’re basically saying, ‘We’re sorry you feel this way.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The statement would have sounded more sincere if they didn’t end it with, ‘So, we good?’” — JIMMY FALLONEmotional ExitHosts also couldn’t resist poking fun at the television anchor Piers Morgan, who resigned from “Good Morning Britain” on Tuesday after being called out on air for frequently speaking ill of Meghan.“That’s right, after months of criticizing Meghan Markle for making an emotional exit, Piers stormed offstage in an emotional exit.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, Piers is leaving, and he asked to be taken in by Tyler Perry and given full security.” — JIMMY FALLON“Piers Morgan is such a baby, someone at Buckingham Palace just asked what color he’s gonna be.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Congratulations. Tomorrow’s going to be a great morning, Britain.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Dog Bites Man Edition)“Speaking of aggressive behavior, at the White House there’s been what has been described as ‘a biting incident’ involving President Biden’s German shepherd, Major, who allegedly sank his teeth into an unnamed individual. Major has been stripped of his rank; he’s dishonorably discharged.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Now, before you worry, the dog is fine. He wasn’t sent to a farm upstate in Delaware, because Delaware doesn’t have an upstate. It barely has a state.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Apparently Major was jumping, barking and charging at people. You’d think after the last four years, the White House staff would be used to that.” — JIMMY FALLON“I just want to point out that we’re a month and a half into the Biden administration and the first scandal is literally ‘Dog Bites Man.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They sent him back home to live in Delaware. See, that’s another difference between Biden and Trump: When Biden’s dog misbehaves, they send him home. When Trump’s dog misbehaved, he sent his supporters to storm the Capitol and get him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“When Major heard he was going back to Delaware, he was like, ‘No, please! A kennel, the pound, anything — just not Delaware.’” — JIMMY FALLON“See, under the last administration, that kind of behavior would have made you press secretary.” — SETH MEYERS“Major was removed from the White House. He was impooched.” — JAMES CORDEN“Yep, Major and Champ have left the White House, and Sunday night they’re sitting down with Oprah to discuss where it all went wrong.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“Conan” compiled all the edited American ads that played during the British airing of the Oprah interview.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe actor Kevin Bacon will appear on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutNorton Juster in 2011 at his home in Northampton, Mass. “The idea of children looking at things differently is a precious thing,” he once said. “The most important thing you can do is notice.”Credit…Bill Greene/The Boston Globe, via Getty ImagesThe late Norton Juster changed children’s literature with his 1961 illustrated classic “The Phantom Tollbooth.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Recaps Oprah’s Royal Interview

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Recaps Oprah’s Royal Interview“You know things are bad at Buckingham Palace if they came to America to get away from racism,” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Monday night.Jimmy Kimmel said Prince Harry and his wife, Meghan, had made a number of startling accusations. He added, “The governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo, vigorously denied all of them, just out of reflex.”Credit…ABCMarch 9, 2021, 1:41 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Spilling the TeaLate night spent Monday recapping some of the biggest reveals from Oprah Winfrey’s bombshell interview with Prince Harry and his wife, Meghan Markle, including racism the couple experienced after Meghan, who is biracial, joined the British royal family.“Harry said racism was a big part of their decision to leave, which you know things are bad at Buckingham Palace if they came to America to get away from racism,” Jimmy Kimmel said.“Everyone thinks marrying a prince is like a fairy tale. Turns out, it’s not. Meghan Markle said that when she joined the royal family, they took away her passport, driver’s license and keys. ‘Welcome to the royal family. Please remove your belt and get ready for a cavity search.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Meghan said that at one point things got so bad, she went to H.R. at Buckingham Palace for help and they refused to help. It’s funny that the royal palace has H.R. and it’s just as unhelpful as H.R. everyplace else.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Hold up, you’re saying Buckingham Palace has H.R.? How long has that been around? Because you would think someone in Human Resources might have stepped in to tell Henry VIII that chopping off your wife’s head could be interpreted as a hostile work environment.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And her husband Harry made a number of startling accusations. The governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo, vigorously denied all of them, just out of reflex today.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that there is a possibility — just a possibility, mind you — that this medieval selective breeding program might be racist.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Also, it’s never good when the British ruling class thinks someone is too dark — they steal their land and make them play cricket.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Awkward is four people in the back seat of a car. Awkward is forgetting your friend’s child’s name. One of your relatives asking you to place your child on the Sherman Williams color wheel is royally [expletive].” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Imagine after centuries of inbreeding, all of a sudden these people are concerned about the color of a baby’s skin.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Royal-ish’ Edition)“Well, guys, I have some news to make people feel a little better, and that is the royal family is just as messed up as everyone else’s.” — JIMMY FALLON“Britain’s Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan Markle sat down for an interview last night with Oprah Winfrey, or as British tabloids reported it, ‘Harry’s kidnapper speaks.’” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, it was a big event, mainly because they revealed the baby’s gender in California without burning down an entire forest.” — JIMMY FALLON“They also told Oprah they’ve been cut off financially. Oprah was like, ‘Sorry, I already gave out all my cars — I can’t help you.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The ratings were so big, ABC just offered the couple their own weekly show called ‘Royal-ish.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“Conan” had an exclusive look at the response by Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Charles to the Oprah interview on their podcast, “Fiddlesticks.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightKathryn Hahn, a standout member of the “WandaVision” cast, will appear on Tuesday’s “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”Also, Check This OutFrom left: Taylor Swift, Megan Thee Stallion and Dua Lipa are among the artists announced as performers for the 63rd annual Grammy Awards.Credit…Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images For Iheartmedia, Rich Fury/Getty Images For Visible, Kevin Winter/Getty Images For DcpTrevor Noah will host this Sunday’s Grammy Awards, featuring live performances from Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Dua Lipa, BTS, Harry Styles, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Jimmy Fallon: Ron Johnson Could Replace Ted Cruz as Most Hated Senator

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightJimmy Fallon: Ron Johnson Could Replace Ted Cruz as Most Hated SenatorThe “Tonight Show” host joked that the Wisconsin Republican could be more detested for at least the 10 hours that Senate clerks read the 628-page stimulus bill aloud, as Johnson demanded.“On the bright side, after he causes a 10-hour delay, Johnson will immediately get a job offer from Delta,” Jimmy Fallon joked.Credit…NBCMarch 5, 2021, 2:27 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.10 Hours, 628 PagesThe new stimulus bill was being held up in the Senate this week after Senator Ron Johnson, Republican of Wisconsin, demanded clerks read all 628 pages out loud.“Yeah, this means for 10 hours, Ted Cruz wasn’t the most hated senator in Congress,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”“To make it feel even longer, Johnson hired Gilbert Gottfried to do the reading.” — JIMMY FALLON“You really think that’s going to be a deterrent? We’ve all been in quarantine for a year. I’ve done things that are a lot less exciting than listening to a bill get read aloud for 10 hours.” — SETH MEYERS“That takes guts. Reminds me of the classic film ‘Mr. Smith Forces Senate Clerks to Go to Washington.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Perhaps it’s just Ron Johnson’s way of telling us he can’t read. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Senator. We’re sending LeVar Burton.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The 600-page bill will be read aloud in the Senate for 10 hours. This is the political equivalent of making someone come to your improv show.” — JAMES CORDEN“I’m going to wait until it’s adapted on Netflix. I’ll watch it then, you know?” — JAMES CORDEN“And to all the hungry kids out there, be patient. Ron Johnson is making a symbolic point. You can eat tomorrow or maybe next week — whatever.” — TREVOR NOAH“The only thing built up more than this bill is Oprah’s interview with Meghan Markle.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Not Again Edition)“Today, you know, was supposed to be a big one for the aluminum foil hat crowd.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Because the inauguration used to be on March 4, according to Q-spiracy theorists, today was the day the former POTUS would be restored to the presidency. That did not happen, but he was restored as customer of the month at the Palm Beach KFC/Taco Bell.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I never thought I’d say this, but I’m starting to not trust my QAnon message boards.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“These conspiracy aficionados picked the date March 4 because it is the date on which presidents used to be inaugurated in the olden times, which is so random. March 4 is also the anniversary of the first People’s Choice Awards. And by the way, the people chose Joe Biden, so I don’t know. Just get off the Q and call your children — they’re worried about you.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Again? Come on, Q-bees. Remember what Einstein said: ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. Also, QAnon. Those people are [expletive] crazy.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, were these plans ever real? Who knows. But out of an abundance of caution, the House canceled today’s legislative session. It’s kind of like a domestic terrorism snow day in that they’re both dangerous and white.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah shared a brief history of first ladies in a “Daily Show” recurring segment, “If You Don’t Know Now You Know.”Also, Check This OutAdam Scott in “Party Down,” which is being brought back for a six-episode limited series.Credit…StarzStarz is reviving its short-lived cult comedy hit “Party Down” for six new episodes.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Skewers Andrew Cuomo Over Sexual Harassment Allegations

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightJimmy Kimmel Skewers Andrew Cuomo Over Sexual Harassment Allegations“In the span of one month, Andrew Cuomo has somehow done the impossible: He made Bill de Blasio the second-most-hated politician in New York,” Kimmel said.“And the craziest part is there’s a photo of it,” Jimmy Kimmel said of a woman’s allegation that Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo of New York made an unwanted advance at a wedding. “Very rarely does a wedding photographer capture anything interesting at all, but this one did.”Credit…ABCMarch 3, 2021, 2:16 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Opposite of ‘I Do’On Monday, a third woman accused Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo of New York of sexual harassment, saying he made an unwanted advance on her at a wedding in 2019.“And the craziest part is there’s a photo of it,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “Very rarely does a wedding photographer capture anything interesting at all, but this one did.”“In the span of one month, Andrew Cuomo has somehow done the impossible: He made Bill de Blasio the second-most-hated politician in New York.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Sweet Jesus, man, what are you doing? I mean, on the one hand, asking a woman for consent before you kiss them is what you’re supposed to do. But the other part of consent is waiting for them to answer. You don’t just grab them by the face like a bear yanking on a beehive.” — TREVOR NOAH“And it’s not like this happened in 1992, and he could be like, ‘Well, it was a different time.’ This was in 2019. If you’re a public official doing this kind of thing after the #MeToo movement, either you just can’t help yourself, or you’re so dumb you shouldn’t be in office anyway.” — TREVOR NOAH“So now I want to know, was he doing this the whole night, you know? Are the bride and groom going to be looking at their wedding photos like, ‘Aw, honey! Here’s the picture of you smearing the cake on my face. Oh, and there’s the one of Governor Cuomo licking it off.’” — TREVOR NOAH“So in light of these allegations, Cuomo is now facing even more calls to resign. Although, if these allegations prove anything, it’s that Cuomo doesn’t go away when you want him to.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Horton Sees a Problem Edition)“Wow, OK, so what? We’re just going to cancel Dr. Seuss books just because they’re racist? Uh, then what are the racist kids going to read, huh? You didn’t think of that, did you?” — TREVOR NOAH, on Dr. Seuss Enterprises ceasing publication of six Dr. Seuss books because of offensive imagery“And I can understand why they’re pulling a small number of his books. ‘If I Ran the Zoo’ shows racist depictions of Asian characters, saying they’re ‘from countries no one can spell.’ So, ‘China,’ too difficult to spell, but ‘Solla Sollew’? Spelled like it sounds.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The real problem with Dr. Seuss is that all of his made-up words sound like they could be racial slurs. I mean, ‘a Zelf on the Shelf’? ‘The Nupboards in the cupboards’? [expletive], I don’t know what that means, but if a white person called me a Nupboard, we’re throwing down.” — TREVOR NOAH“But still, there may be room for compromise here. Like maybe instead of getting rid of the books completely, they can just update the imagery. For example, take that offensive drawing of the two African men, and put it in a Tucker Carlson thought bubble. That way we all understand, ‘Ah, this is racist.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And not only are they pulling some books out of print, they’re also tweaking some of the books that are in print to make them more inclusive. For instance, we now have ‘The Cat in the Problematic Headdress,’ ‘How the Grinch Appropriated Native American Culture,’ ‘Hop on Pop, With His Consent,’ ‘Horton Hears a They,’ ‘Horton Hears a Misogynist Joke and Reports It to H.R.,’ ‘There’s a Wocket in My Ethically Sourced Sustainable Pocket,’ ‘No Eggs or Ham’ — that’s a vegan thing, I guess — and ‘Yertle the Gender-Fluid Turtle, and Other Stories.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There hadn’t been an earth-shattering outcry, but they recognized the impact that these images might have on readers, especially kids, and they’re trying to fix it, because Dr. Seuss books should be fun for all people: Black, white, straight, gay, Sneetches — both star-bellied and plain — Loraxes, Barbaloots, all the Whos down in Whoville, and the strange angry creature named Foo-Foo the Snoo.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And it’s especially important to be responsive like this, because Dr. Seuss has also so many books that are lovely and teach vital lessons that resonate to this day. ‘Horton Hears a Who’ is about listening to underrepresented voices. ‘The Butter Battle Book’ teaches tolerance. ‘The Lorax’ teaches environmental ethics. And ‘Hop on Pop’ warns against the dangers of pop-hopping. The next thing that pops might be his aorta.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin, a writer on “Late Night With Seth Meyers,” couldn’t get over Texas’s latest troubles and the Free Britney movement in Tuesday night’s “Amber Says What.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightElizabeth Olsen from the Disney+ series “WandaVision” will sit down with Jimmy Fallon on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutSue Lyon and James Mason in Stanley Kubrick’s 1962 movie “Lolita.”Credit…MGMThe actress and screenwriter Emily Mortimer contemplated “Lolita” and its notorious ability to escape obscenity laws.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Recaps CPAC and the Golden Globes

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Recaps CPAC and the Golden GlobesThe conference was billed as the largest and most influential gathering of conservatives in the world, Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “That’s if you don’t count their last gathering” at the Capitol. “It was a Murderers’ Row of people who were OK with Mike Pence being murdered,” Stephen Colbert said of the CPAC lineup.Credit…CBSMarch 2, 2021Updated 3:00 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.PAC of LiesThe hosts shared some of their favorite bits from the weekend’s Conservative Political Action Conference, the annual assembly of the American right. Among the featured speakers was former President Donald Trump, who attacked his successor and insisted that he won the 2020 election. “This weekend was the annual Conservative Political Action Conference, billed as ‘the largest and most influential gathering of conservatives in the world.’ That’s if you don’t count their last gathering.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I watched CPAC and ‘WandaVision’ this weekend, and I’m not sure which characters are living in a more warped reality.” — TREVOR NOAH“South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem attacked Anthony Fauci, Representative Matt Gaetz attacked Mr. Potato Head, and the C.E.O. of Goya Beans said Donald Trump is still the ‘real, legitimate and actual president of the United States.’ Now he can get away with saying that because what are you going to do — buy generic black beans?” — TREVOR NOAH“It was a Murderers’ Row of people who were OK with Mike Pence being murdered.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The headliner of the weekend was the former president. His speech was pretty light on substance and energy, but there was one major revelation: He told the audience that he would not start a third party. Of course he isn’t going to start a new political party — he already owns one.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, it was 90 minutes of rambling followed by Trump supporters storming Epcot.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump said ‘Did you miss me?’ which is literally what every movie villain says when they come back.” — JAMES CORDEN“As you would expect, the crowd to see Trump was very white. They basically made the Hollywood Foreign Press look like the cast of ‘One Night in Miami.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Golden Globes At Home Edition)“The Golden Globes are the opposite of CPAC in every way, except for they don’t have any Black people on the board. That’s what they have in common — otherwise they are very different.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know you’ve got representation problems when the Proud Boys have more Black members than you.” — TREVOR NOAH“Explains why in past years they’ve given Golden Globes to ‘Green Book’ and Hellman’s.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It was kind of fun to see where celebrities set up their zoom. Some were in their living room, others were in their study — Jeff Daniels was in the door section of Home Depot, apparently.” — JIMMY FALLON“You know, some celebrities spend their money on fancy cars and jewelry; Jeff Daniels spends his money on doors. I respect the hell out of that.” — TREVOR NOAH“This year’s looks ran the gamut from Cynthia Erivo in Valentino and Nicole Kidman in Louis Vuitton all the way to Jason Sudeikis in tie-dye hoodie. You can shop Jason Sudeikis’s look by digging into the bottom of your hamper and then taking that edible you’ve been saving for an emergency.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The 78th Golden Globe Awards were held last night after being delayed for nearly two months by the coronavirus pandemic, though you didn’t have to wait the whole two months in front of your computer, Al Pacino.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon and John Legend performed their timely new tune “March Again” on “The Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe comedian and actor Fortune Feimster will appear on Tuesday’s “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”Also, Check This Out“Biggie: I Got a Story to Tell” is mainly a prehistory of the Notorious B.I.G.Credit…NetflixA new Netflix documentary chronicles Christopher Wallace’s rise from the streets to becoming the rapper Biggie Smalls, otherwise known as the Notorious B.I.G.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Seth Meyers Is Excited to See Trump’s Tax Returns

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightSeth Meyers Is Excited to See Trump’s Tax ReturnsMeyers said it shouldn’t be hard for the Manhattan D.A. to find a crime in “the tax records of a guy who claims to be a billionaire, yet paid only $750 in federal income taxes when he was president.”“That’s right, the Manhattan district attorney’s office confirmed that it’s in possession of Trump’s tax records, as evidenced by the white smoke coming from the Statue of Liberty’s torch,” Meyers joked.Credit…NBCFeb. 26, 2021, 1:43 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Return of Trump’s TaxesFormer President Donald Trump’s financial records were turned over to the Manhattan district attorney this week as part of a tax and bank-fraud investigation.“That’s right, the Manhattan district attorney’s office confirmed that it’s in possession of Trump’s tax records, as evidenced by the white smoke coming from the Statue of Liberty’s torch,” Seth Meyers joked on Thursday.“The Manhattan district attorney’s office today confirmed it is now in possession of former President Trump’s tax records and, yes, both of them.” — SETH MEYERS“I wonder how many pages of the Cheesecake Factory menu he snuck in there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And look, I’m no prosecutor, but it can’t be that hard to find a crime in the tax records of a guy who claims to be a billionaire, yet paid only $750 in federal income taxes when he was president.” — SETH MEYERS“You can tell that they’re Trump’s real tax returns because under total loss, he still didn’t declare the election.” — JIMMY FALLON“And yes, there are plenty of technically legal ways that the wealthy and corporations avoid taxes, which is a scandal in itself, but something tells me Trump doesn’t just limit himself to the legal stuff. I’m guessing he commits crimes the way the rest of us order apps for the tables: ‘Let’s just get — should we just get one of everything?’” — SETH MEYERS“This whole thing started with Stormy Daniels. Donald Trump is the only guy who can cheat on his wife and his taxes in the same bed.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The crazy thing is that the part about paying no taxes on millions of dollars — that isn’t what he might get busted for. That was probably legal. He could claim huge losses, pay no taxes, and still live like a billionaire. It’s what they call ‘Orange Privilege.’ It’s specific to him. And hopefully he’ll be in an orange jumpsuit very soon, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But this really is big news, because after they thoroughly go through each document, Trump could be charged around the year 3000.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Dropping the Mr. Edition)“There was a major announcement from Mr. Potato Headquarters today: Hasbro is dropping the ‘bro.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Mr. Potato Head is no longer a ‘mister. ’ And not, as I originally assumed, because he finally finished his Ph.D — his potato head doctorate.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“No, it’s because Hasbro is giving the spud a gender-neutral new name: ‘Potato Head.’ But if it’s not assigned a gender, what bathroom will it use?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Naturally, when this news hit Twitter, the world’s top idiots weighed in. Piers Morgan tweeted, ‘Who was actually offended by Mr. Potato Head being male? I want names. These woke imbeciles are destroying the world.’ Yes, they’re destroying the world. How will children grow up without a strong male potato role model? Won’t someone think of the tots?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Even in death, they found a way to cancel Don Rickles.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Why are we still putting eyes and lips on potatoes anyway? Isn’t this what children did during the Depression?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And by the way, Hasbro isn’t the only one dumping the ‘mister.’ From now on these popular American products will be known as ‘Salty, ‘Peanut,’ ‘Rogers,’ ‘T’ and ‘Clean.’ No word yet from ‘Magoo,’ but we’ll see.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden took Prince Harry on a socially distanced tour of Los Angeles on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJulien Baker’s “Little Oblivions” is an unrelentingly reflective album.Credit…Alysse GafkjenThe queer, sober, Christian singer-songwriter Julien Baker plays every instrument on her third studio album, “Little Oblivions.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Laughs Off Mike Pence’s Renewed Loyalty to Trump

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Laughs Off Mike Pence’s Renewed Loyalty to Trump“I don’t know where the line is between forgiving and being a doormat, but Mike Pence crossed it a long time ago,” Trevor Noah said.“Staying loyal after he sent a mob to kill you?” marveled Trevor Noah. “Man, that shows how committed Mike Pence is to his principles: he won’t even abort a friendship.”Credit…Comedy CentralFeb. 25, 2021, 1:41 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.That’s a Good Boy“Obedience school seems to be working well for Mike Pence, who has apparently patched things up with his former owner, Donald Trump,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday night, after Mike Pence was reported to have told a group of conservative lawmakers that he and Donald Trump still had a “close personal friendship.”“Staying loyal after he sent a mob to kill you? Man, that shows how committed Mike Pence is to his principles: he won’t even abort a friendship,” Trevor Noah said.“I believe Mike Pence has spent the last month doing a little something called ‘weighing his options’ and found that it would be better to be friends with Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I guess at this point, there’s nothing Trump can do to Pence that would make Pence turn on him. They basically have the same relationship that we have with our Alexa: ‘Ugh, Alexa, I hate you. I wish you would die!’ [imitating Alexa] ‘I’m sorry you feel that way. Is there anything I can help you with?’” — TREVOR NOAH“And I don’t know where the line is between forgiving and being a doormat, but Mike Pence crossed it a long time ago. I mean, yeah, the Bible says to turn the other cheek, but at the same time, one of the Ten Commandments is ‘Thou shall not be a [expletive].’” — TREVOR NOAH“You know what would be fun? If I were Donald Trump, I’d announce that I need a kidney, and I’d make all of these guys — Lindsey Graham, Rudy, Mike Pence — I’d make them all give me one kidney to choose which one I like best.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Keep on Truckin’ Edition)“There’s exciting news in the world of mail delivery. Yeah, brace yourself. The U.S. Postal Service just unveiled their new fleet of delivery trucks, and the future is adorable.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They asked the designers to come up with something that looks unremarkable and yet vaguely unsettling. And I think they succeeded.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They’ve already spent $482 million on testing and designing it. Wasn’t the post office bankrupt like four months ago? Now they’re buying new cars? It’s like a bad brother-in-law or something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That thing’s about to be the first mail truck to go on the TV show ‘Botched.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That thing’s just a couple eyeballs away from a Pixar movie. You really get the feeling that engine is going to be going ‘pucket-a, pucket-a, pucket-a, pucket-a.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But of course there’s a controversy. Many of the new trucks will be electric, but not all of them, and ‘the precise mix has already elicited criticism from environmentalists.’ I understand their concern — I mean, you want the greenest vehicle possible when you’re delivering thousands of pounds of Amazon Rainforest that are now Amazon boxes.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth Watching“Jimmy Kimmel Live” tried to find someone — anyone — at the Farmers Market in Los Angeles who could properly identify Kamala Harris’s husband.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe actress Regina King, a Golden Globe nominee, will chat with Stephen Colbert on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutEddie Murphy, left, at home in the Hollywood Hills and Arsenio Hall in Los Angeles. “There’s never been a period where we haven’t been friends,” Murphy said.Credit…Photographs by Brad Ogbonna for The New York TimesThe longtime friends and co-stars Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall talk about their careers and the new sequel to “Coming to America.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Blasts Ted Cruz’s Post-Cancún Photo Op

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Blasts Ted Cruz’s Post-Cancún Photo Op“On Saturday, he posted photos of himself handing out bottled water with the hashtag ‘Texas strong.’ Sure, dude, we totally believe you,” Seth Meyers joked on Monday.Seth Meyers likened Senator Ted Cruz of Texas to a lazy husband lounging on the couch until his wife has unpacked all but the last bag of groceries.Credit…NBCFeb. 23, 2021, 2:21 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Too Little, Too LateMost late-night hosts were off last week when Senator Ted Cruz of Texas took his untimely trip to Cancún, Mexico, after a brutal winter storm that left millions of people in the state without power or water. With the photo ops the senator staged back in Texas this weekend, there was even more Cruz content to work with.“Ted Cruz is the husband who sits on his couch watching football all day, then sees his wife unloading a car full of groceries, waits until there’s one bag left in the trunk, then goes outside and says, ‘Oh, can I help?’” Seth Meyers joked on Monday.“So now Ted Cruz is doing damage control after his estúpido trip to Mexico. He lent a helping hoof to those in need this weekend, and, of course, posted about it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Then once he was shamed into coming back, Cruz tried to pretend he was actually interested in helping out. On Saturday, he posted photos of himself handing out bottled water with the hashtag ‘Texas strong.’ Sure, dude, we totally believe you.” — SETH MEYERS“Ted Cruz is like the friend who offers to help you move, but every time you see him, he’s just carrying the same box of pillows.” — JIMMY FALLON“People are also upset that Cruz tweeted those pictures himself. Even white people who only posted black squares on Instagram were like, ‘You gotta do more than that.’” — JIMMY FALLON“But Cruz tried to be helpful in other ways. Later, he showed Texans how to make frozen margs with the snow in their living rooms.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, you know Cruz is having a rough 2021 when fueling a riot at the Capitol is nowhere near his biggest problem.” — JIMMY FALLON“Things are so bad for Cruz, he spent today thinking about the good old days, when people just thought he was the Zodiac Killer.” — JIMMY FALLON“Sorry, Cruz, this is not going to cut it, my man. See this right here? This is the politician version of coming home with flowers the day after Valentine’s Day. It’s not nothing, but your [expletive] is still sleeping on the couch.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Empty Gestures Edition)“Like many of Ted Cruz’s attempts to mimic human behavior, this one was Ted on arrival.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Only Ted Cruz would think he can repair his image by touching a maskless constituent two days after getting off an international flight.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Also, we’re in a pandemic. Shaking hands, handing out water, serving food? Right now a Carnival Cruise is safer than a Ted Cruz.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it seemed like an OK gesture until everyone noticed the label on the bottle said ‘Ritz Carlton Cancún.’ A little souvenir.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yup, the photo op didn’t work out too well. Most people just drove away when he tried showing them his vacation photos.” — JIMMY FALLON“Actually, Cruz wanted to do more, but he had a parasailing lesson at 3, so.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon suggested a few podcasts worth listening to, including Shaquille O’Neal reading love poems and the highly censored “Family Friendly True Crime Podcast.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe singer Billie Eilish will chat with Stephen Colbert on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutCredit…Photo illustration by Bráulio AmadoAmy Poehler checks in before returning to (virtually) co-host the Golden Globes with Tina Fey this Sunday.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More