Late Night with Seth Meyers (TV Program)

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      Colbert on Afghanistan: ‘It’s Heartbreaking’

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      “Why should our soldiers be fighting radicals in a civil war in Afghanistan? We’ve got our own on Capitol Hill,” Stephen Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Right Thing Feels So Wrong’Late-night hosts addressed the news out of Afghanistan this week, with the Taliban taking swift control after President Biden’s decision to pull out American troops.“We have had troops there for 20 years — they fought, they sacrificed, their families sacrificed so that we wouldn’t have a terrorist attack in America planned in a foreign country,” Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “Why should our soldiers be fighting radicals in a civil war in Afghanistan? We’ve got our own on Capitol Hill.”“The Taliban yesterday entered the city of Kabul and took control of Afghanistan’s presidential palace. Most Americans watched in horror, while some Americans watched for tips.” — SETH MEYERS“As recently as last month, an overwhelming majority of Americans, 70 percent or more, supported Biden’s withdrawal. Seventy percent. You know how few things 70 percent of Americans agree on? I think it’s this and extra cheese, which also often ends badly and faster than you planned.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The U.S. foreign-policy apparatus should not approach Afghanistan the same way I approach trying to install a wireless router: ‘“Connect the router to a broadband gateway from your I.S.P. by inserting the Ethernet cable to the port located on the back of the TP-link extender”? I don’t have the foggiest notion of what I’m undertaking! Do you know how this works?’” — SETH MEYERS“So in the end, you can make us accept that there was no good alternative, but you can’t make us feel good about it. The only people who can feel good about this are the service members and their families who aren’t going to see soldiers sent into harm’s way for no reason that the commander in chief of either party can articulate. But there’s one more thing: For the last 20 years, four separate administrations told the American people to care about the plight of all the Afghan people, especially the women, and we did care and that’s not going to change. All that’s changed is that there’s nothing we can do about it now. So pulling out may be the right thing to do, but it’s heartbreaking; it’s humbling when the right thing feels so wrong.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Blame Game Edition)“Former President Trump released a statement on Friday amid the deteriorating situation in Afghanistan and, yeah, he’s enjoying this.” — SETH MEYERS“Pretty weird to blame Biden for withdrawing troops when this summer he was claiming credit for it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So you can’t put all the blame for a debacle you helped set the stage for. That’s like Andrew Lloyd Webber calling ‘Cats’ a terrible movie. You wrote a musical with no plot — how did you think this was going to end?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You can tell things aren’t good for Biden, because today he said, ‘You know, maybe the election was stolen.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump made a peace deal with the Taliban to end the war, and now after Biden’s withdrawal, they’re back in power. So, on the bright side, it’s nice to have a bipartisan screw-up.” — JIMMY FALLON“I have a hard time believing Trump would have done it in a more orderly way, since nothing he ever did was orderly. He couldn’t even withdraw from an umbrella in an orderly fashion.” — SETH MEYERS“So what’s happening now is the responsibility of both parties, and the American people who voted them into office. So, children and convicts, you’re off the hook. Also, thanks for watching.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe country music star Maren Morris was the guest host on Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightCourtney Barnett will perform on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJan GrueNTB Scanpix Sipa USA
      Michael J. Fox reviews “I Live a Life Like Yours,” Jan Grue’s new memoir about living with spinal muscular atrophy. More

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      Bad News for ‘Trump-Adjacent Weirdos’ Delights Seth Meyers

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      Meyers enjoyed seeing Mike Lindell get word on camera that a defamation suit against him over his claims of election fraud would proceed.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lawsuit TV, LiveOn Wednesday, a federal judge ruled that Dominion Voting Systems could proceed with its defamation lawsuits against Mike Lindell, Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell. Seth Meyers called them “Trump-adjacent weirdos” and poked fun at their election fraud conspiracy theories on Thursday’s “Late Night.”“OK, so there are only two plausible explanations for what happened here: Either a federal judge appointed by Donald Trump ruled that unfounded claims of election fraud made by three Trump allies were not exempt from defamation laws, or Hugo Chavez teamed up with China and the C.I.A. to use Italian military satellites to hack the judge’s computer and alter his opinion, which was then printed out on paper smuggled in from China covered in bamboo fibers. The only way we can know for sure is if we take the judge’s ruling to a cabin in Montana, examine it under a powerful ultraviolet light, then bury it in the backyard, wait three days and see if it rains.” — SETH MEYERSMeyers and Stephen Colbert largely focused on Lindell, the MyPillow C.E.O., whose reaction to the news was caught on camera.“Watching someone get bad news, in real time, at their own symposium is my new kink.” — SETH MEYERS“This week, he held a livestreamed cybersymposium, for which he hired a cyberexpert ‘red team’ and gave them what he said was 37 terabytes of irrefutable evidence that hackers broke into election systems using intercepted ‘packet captures.’ ‘Packet captures,’ of course, is a technical term that you might know by their street name, ‘pillow cases.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Honestly, poor cyberexperts. You go to school to get a degree in computer science, spend your whole career mastering a highly specialized skill that would be actually very helpful in today’s high-tech economy, and then a psycho pillow magnate hands you what I’m guessing is a garbage bag full of dry cleaning slips and CBS receipts and said, ‘I need you to switch who the president is.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Today in Rudy Edition)“Rudy has also been sued by Dominion for a billion dollars. Now he’s facing a mountain of legal fees. That mountain’s in his apartment, right next to the mountain of empty Franzia boxes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Man, I wish I could have seen Rudy’s face when he found out. And that’s something, because I’ve wished to see Rudy’s face.” — SETH MEYERS“On top of that, Rudy’s law license in Washington was suspended, and he was suspended from practicing law in New York due to ‘demonstrably false and misleading’ statements about the election — which means he’s cut off from his previous source of income: telling lies next to a dildo shop.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingIn honor of Jimmy Fallon’s 1,500th “Tonight Show” episode, Kit Harington gave the host something he’s been waiting for — a “straight-up” rendition of Train’s “Drops of Jupiter.”Also, Check This OutLou Platt’s work as a therapist on productions like “I May Destroy You” often starts before filming even begins.Alex Ingram for The New York TimesFilm and television productions in Britain have started bringing therapists on-set to offer counseling for the cast and crew members. More

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      Seth Meyers Teases Rudy Giuliani for Joining Cameo

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      “Rudy’s charging $275 per video, but if you just wait awhile, you know he’ll eventually butt-dial you for free,” the “Late Night” host joked on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Rudy Makes a CameoOn Wednesday night, late-night hosts mocked Rudy Giuliani for joining Cameo, a service that allows fans to pay celebrities to send them video messages.“I guess Rudy’s last cameo went so well, he decided to give it another go,” Seth Meyers said, referring to Giuliani’s unwitting appearance last year in “Borat Subsequent Moviefilm.”“You know how like six months ago, Rudy was the personal lawyer for the leader of the free world? Well, now he’s doing this.” — SARAH SILVERMAN, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“That’s right, he went from being America’s mayor to saying, ‘Hello, this is Rudy Giuliani. I want to wish ‘Deez Nuts’ a happy retirement.’”— JIMMY FALLON“He has no idea what he’s in for. Right now, a prosecutor in the Southern District of New York is logging on to Cameo and asking Rudy to share the story of the time he went to Ukraine to dig up dirt on a political opponent to interfere in a presidential election. [imitating Giuliani] ‘This message is for Mr. DOJ. I hear you’re feeling discouraged at work. Well, let me tell you about the time my friend Don and I cooked up a scheme to extort a foreign government and got away with it. You know, it says here you want me to read you my text messages and your emails. Oh, hold on, someone’s banging at the door. Why are you yelling “police”? There’s no police in here.’”— SETH MEYERS“I mean, this guy — this guy, who is a personal lawyer to the president of the United States, and now, he’s basically panhandling in the same place you can get a ‘Happy bat mitzvah’ message from Jamie Farr.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Giuliani’s New Gig Edition)“This may be the saddest part: It says he responds within 10 hours. His own prostate doesn’t respond that fast.” — SARAH SILVERMAN“Now, Rudy’s charging $275 per video, but if you just wait awhile, you know he’ll eventually butt-dial you for free.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, for the price of parking at Disneyland, you can get a message from the vampire who held a press conference next to a dildo store.” — SARAH SILVERMAN“Seems like a good investment, but can you really put a price on a future convicted felon accidentally farting on camera for your niece’s quinceañera? You can, it’s $275!” — SARAH SILVERMANThe Bits Worth WatchingStephen Colbert did his impersonation of a squirrel walking while pooping for his lucky guest Alan Alda.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe Killers will perform on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutIn her new work, Ali Wong performs some truly refined vulgarity, our critic writes.Joyce Kim for The New York TimesAli Wong is back with a raunchy new stand-up set for her “Milk and Money Tour.” More

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      Late Night Weighs In on Andrew Cuomo’s Resignation

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      “It’s gonna be tough for Cuomo. With a track record like this, his only future is either president or Supreme Court justice,” Jimmy Fallon joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Exiting the Governor’s MansionAndrew Cuomo’s resignation as New York’s governor was the talk of late night on Tuesday.“It’s gonna be tough for Cuomo,” Jimmy Fallon said. “With a track record like this, his only future is either president or Supreme Court justice.”“New York Governor Andrew Cuomo announced today that he will resign amid multiple allegations of sexual harassment. And this is, frankly, amazing — he made the announcement via book.” — SETH MEYERS“But during his remarks he said it was best that he step aside — and then every woman in the room took two steps aside.” — JIMMY FALLON“Don’t let the door hit you on the butt on the way out. But if it does, that door should also resign.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo announced today that he will resign amid multiple allegations of sexual harassment, so tune in to CNN tonight for, I don’t know, a rerun of ‘The History of the Sitcom.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Two Weeks’ Notice Edition)“For now, Cuomo’s still governor, because, for reasons I do not understand, Cuomo’s resignation will take effect in 14 days. Evidently, he gave himself two weeks’ notice.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’m sorry, is this really a two-week-notice type of situation?” — JIMMY FALLON“Cuomo’s replacement will be Lt. Gov. Kathy Hochul. And this is — yeah, this is strange. Right after she was announced as New York’s next governor, CNN offered a prime-time show to her sister.” — JIMMY FALLON“Hochul will be taking the seat vacated by Cuomo — hopefully, after putting a towel down first.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingMarlon Wayans, a “Tonight Show” guest, said he quit doing stand-up for 20 years after Chris Rock heckled him.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSarah Silverman will kick off a two-night stint as a guest host on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutJennifer Hudson, with Marc Maron, left, and Marlon Wayans, learned to play piano for “Respect.” Quantrell D. Colbert/MGMJennifer Hudson did a deep dive into her friend Aretha Franklin’s past to portray the Queen of Soul in “Respect.” More

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      Seth Meyers Demands His Own Ben & Jerry’s Flavor

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      If Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon can be on ice cream containers, why not the “Late Night” host?Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More

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      Late Night Sends Up ‘Space Cowboy’ Jeff Bezos

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      Stephen Colbert joked that the Amazon billionaire came back from space “extra divorced.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘A Mash-Up Between Buzz Lightyear and Woody’Late-night hosts had fun with the Amazon founder Jeff Bezos’s brief trip to space on Tuesday. Stephen Colbert welcomed his audience by saying, “So happy you could all join us tonight for a momentous day in the history of some people having way too much money.”Colbert noted that, despite the amount of coverage devoted to the event, it wasn’t all that newsworthy.“Here’s how I know it’s not important — I hosted the last one of these, OK? For Branson,” Colbert said, referring to the billionaire entrepreneur Richard Branson, who took his own trip to the edge of space last week. “Lot of fun, but talk show hosts don’t anchor historic events — except, of course, when Arsenio Hall interviewed the Berlin Wall.”The hosts couldn’t resist talking about what Bezos was wearing when he returned — a cowboy hat.“I guess space turns you into Kenny Chesney.” — JIMMY FALLON“You know you’re rich when you put that on and everyone who works for you goes, ‘Oh, it looks great, yeah. You’re a man of the people, just going to space.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He looks like a mash-up between Buzz Lightyear and Woody.” — JIMMY FALLON“He got the spacesuit and cowboy hat together by searching for the midlife crisis bundle: ‘Is a soul patch too much?’” — JIMMY FALLON“A cowboy hat? So he went into space and somehow became extra divorced.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Jeff’s Rocket Edition)“Today millions of people all over the world looked up and said, ‘Wow, that thing sure looks like a penis.’” — ANTHONY ANDERSON, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“I guess it’s true what they say, billionaires and their rockets end up looking just like each other.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s the only rocket that shrinks in the cold.” — JIMMY FALLON“They designed it at the Johnson Space Center.” — TARIQ TROTTER of The Roots, the house band on “The Tonight Show”“It looks like R2-D2 took some Viagra.”— JIMMY FALLON“They don’t keep it in a hangar, they keep it in the top drawer of a bedside table.” — TARIQ TROTTER“Next stop, the ‘O’ zone.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s not that hard to get to space.” — TARIQ TROTTERThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon challenged the Jonas Brothers to “Sing It Like,” with Nick Jonas having to perform Olivia Rodrigo’s “Good 4 U” like he just had his tongue pierced.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightLorde will go day drinking with Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This Out“I’m writing this not as the prince I was born but as the man I have become,” Prince Harry said in a statement accompanying the book’s announcement.Pool photo by Yui MokPenguin Random House promises Prince Harry’s forthcoming memoir will be “an intimate and heartfelt memoir from one of the most fascinating and influential global figures of our time.” More

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      Late Night Jumps on Olympic Athletes’ Cardboard Beds

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      “That’s nice, you finally reach your Olympic dreams and have to sleep on an Amazon box,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bedtime StoriesThere was rampant speculation on Monday that the beds provided to athletes at the Tokyo Olympics were designed to discourage intimate contact that could transmit the coronavirus. Though the social media theory was quickly debunked, the beds are indeed made of cardboard so they can be recycled after the Games.“That’s nice, you finally reach your Olympic dreams and have to sleep on an Amazon box,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Monday.“That’s right, a bed designed to discourage sex, or as it’s also known, an air mattress.” — JIMMY FALLON“Oh yeah, if there’s anything Olympic athletes hate it’s a challenge. Some of those people can do back flips on a three-inch beam. If you really want to stop them from having sex, do what I did in college and put ‘Star Wars’ sheets on them.” — SETH MEYERS“By the way, it turns out the beds were not made of cardboard to discourage sex, but to encourage people to recycle, which is another way to discourage sex.” — SETH MEYERS“I can’t wait for six months from now to read toilet paper labels that read ‘Made from 100 percent recycled Olympic sex bed.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And athletes, remember: If you’re recycling, you’ve got to break down your Olympic sex bed. Make sure to separate your sex bed from your sex bottles and your sex cans.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Consider the Source Edition)“This weekend President Biden went after big social media platforms like Facebook for not doing enough to stop the spread of Covid misinformation. Yeah, our country has gone from ‘The only thing we have to fear is fear itself’ to ‘Please don’t take medical advice from a meme.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, you know there’s a problem with Facebook when you can find more honest information on Tinder.” — JIMMY FALLON“Makes you miss the good old days when Facebook’s primary function was helping you find unflattering pictures of your ex’s new boyfriend: ‘Cargo shorts? There’s no way Diane’s happy with him — then why is she smiling?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, Biden doesn’t want Facebook to prevent young people from getting vaccinated. Everyone under 30 heard and was like, ‘That is so cute, but literally none of us use Facebook.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingIn Monday night’s “Closer Look,” Seth Meyers put the spotlight on Donald Trump and Bill O’Reilly’s struggle to sell tickets for their joint speaking tour.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightJason Sudeikis will be on Tuesday’s “Late Show” to talk about the new season of his Emmy-nominated show, “Ted Lasso.”Also, Check This OutOlivia Scott Welch, left, and Kiana Madeira play lovers and heroes in the “Fear Street” films.Netflix“Fear Street” allows a lesbian romance to blossom among the blood and gore of the new horror trilogy on Netflix. More

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      Jimmy Fallon: Trump Wanted a General With Coup Appeal

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      “You can tell a leader really knows his stuff when he uses the phrase ‘do a coup,’” Fallon said of Trump, who belittled a general for fearing he might try to stay in power.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘I’d Coup You’In a new book about Donald Trump’s final year in office, the authors write that Gen. Mark A. Milley, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, feared Trump would attempt to stage a coup to remain in power after losing the election. Trump responded on Thursday: “If I was going to do a coup, one of the last people I would want to do it with is Gen. Mark Milley.”“You can tell a leader really knows his stuff when he uses the phrase, ‘do a coup,’” Jimmy Fallon joked on “The Tonight Show.”“For the next 15 minutes, he named all the people he would do a coup with: ‘I’d coup you. I’d coup you. You’re coup-able.’” — JIMMY FALLON“OK, you’ve clearly put some thought into this thing you’re ‘not into.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“We really need to come up with a better early warning system than tell-all books. ‘We’re in danger — quick, get me a typewriter!’” — SETH MEYERS“In a new book, Milley reveals that following the election night, he thought the ex-president ‘was stoking unrest, possibly in hopes of an excuse to invoke the Insurrection Act and call out the military,’ saying, ‘This is a Reichstag moment.’ No surprise — the last president was very popular with the alt-Reich.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, the Reichstag fire was in 1930s Germany, when an attack on the country’s legislative branch was used as a pretext to solidify fascist control. What the MAGA crowd did this year was totally different — because it was in English.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Olivia Rodrigo Edition)“During a visit to the White House yesterday, pop star Olivia Rodrigo made a surprise appearance at the afternoon press briefing to help promote youth vaccinations, which should have a big impact on the millions of teens who watch the White House press briefings.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, pop star Olivia Rodrigo made a surprise appearance at the afternoon press briefings. It was almost as surprising as when Sarah Sanders would appear at one.” — SETH MEYERS“Side note here — it’s nice to see a real celebrity at the White House after the last four years, when the previous president could only manage to dig up the likes of Ted Nugent or Scott Baio.” — SETH MEYERS“Biden’s got huge celebrities helping him out with an unprecedented nationwide campaign to get Americans vaccinated against a deadly disease, and all Trump could muster was 18 holes with Kid Rock and his flag pants, which look like something you buy for six bucks at a truck stop because you tore the [expletive] out of your good pants rock-climbing on peyote.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingBarry Jenkins, an Oscar-winning screenwriter and director, talked to Desus and Mero about telling stories of Black trauma onscreen.Also, Check This OutDavid Byrne, center, with Chris Giarmo, left, and Tendayi Kuumba in “American Utopia.”Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesBroadway is finally back, with new Covid safety protocols and productions in previews still working out the kinks. More