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Late Night Weighs In on Biden’s First Day on the Job
It’s never easy, “especially when you’re the new manager and the last guy got called into H.R. for inappropriate workplace treasoning,” Stephen Colbert said. More
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Samantha Bee Welcomes America’s ‘Brand-New Very Old President’
#masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightSamantha Bee Welcomes America’s ‘Brand-New Very Old President’Bee and other hosts were relieved to see the Trump years finally end. “So that’s what it feels like when you’re not grinding your teeth,” Seth Meyers said.The Biden era has begun, and Samantha Bee couldn’t be happier. Credit…TBSJan. 21, 2021, 3:09 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘I Can See Colors Again’Late-night hosts were all too happy on Wednesday night to celebrate Inauguration Day, or what Seth Meyers referred to as “the catharsis of seeing a person who was not Donald Trump become the president of the United States.”President Biden received rave reviews from hosts like Samantha Bee, who was thrilled to announce, “We finally have a brand-new very old president!”“That’s right — Donald Trump is no longer the president of the United States. And look, this isn’t going to solve all our problems, but it will remove a big one. If you’re addicted to heroin, gambling and prostitutes and you only quit heroin, that’s still a huge step.” — SETH MEYERS“Wow, all right. So that’s what it feels like when you’re not grinding your teeth. I forgot, and I think — yeah, I can see colors again.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s a little like getting rid of the last guy at a party. You spent four years yawning and stretching, and hinting that he should get out, and when he finally leaves, it is a relief, until you remember you still have to clean up all his puke and he, like, puked everywhere.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s so nice to have a president with a soul again. The previous one sold his to the devil and didn’t even get Georgia out of the deal.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s like we’ve been on a ship that’s been in a storm for four years, and we just stepped onto dry land. I want to kiss the ground, but, you know, Covid, so I’m just going to — I’m just going to fist-bump it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And I’ll tell you something, I don’t know about America yet, but I feel great again.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“After four years of struggling just to slow down Trump’s malicious agenda, Democrats are in an unimaginable position: We can finally do things that help people.” — SAMANTHA BEE“To paraphrase Michelle Obama, ‘When they go low, we go J. Lo’ — and we did.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Today this country showed the world that there is no MyPillow large enough to smother our democracy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, I remember going back to the day Trump was inaugurated, such a terrible day, and wondering, can our country even survive four years of this? And now we know the answer: not really. Just barely.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was a bright sunny day in Washington, and now we have a president who knows not to stare directly at the sun.” — JIMMY FALLON“Right before the Bidens came out, something very auspicious happened: It started snowing. It’s an inauguration miracle! [singing to the tune of ‘Let It Snow’] Oh, the last guy in charge was frightful, but the new one seems delightful. And now there’s four years to go; President Joe, President Joe, President Joe.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I have to imagine this is what it feels like when the oncologist calls and tells you the tumor is benign.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Seriously, anyone else feel like they just lost 280 pounds?” — JIMMY FALLON“It feels like the country is back. Sure, the GPS took us on some crazy back roads for the last four years, but now we’re back on Main Street, and we can tell people we were lost.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Have a Good Life Edition)“I know a lot of you were expecting Trump’s speech to be weird and inappropriate. Well, you were 100 percent right.” — JIMMY FALLON“‘Have a good life?’ That’s not a presidential farewell. That’s what your high school crush writes in your yearbook as a final twist of the knife: ‘I guess we won’t be seeing each other with me going to Bryn Mawr and you staying here to chase your kickboxing dreams so, have a good life.’” — SETH MEYERS“Former President Trump concluded his remarks at this morning’s send-off at Joint Base Andrews by telling the crowd, quote, ‘We’ll see you soon.’ ‘We were about to say the same thing,’ said the Southern District of New York.” — SETH MEYERS“Although I do like how he said he’ll ‘be back in some form,’ because my man knows you gotta leave on a cliffhanger.” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s ominous. What form? A Demogorgon? A Horcrux? Maybe he’ll come back as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“‘In some form?’ What does that mean? [imitating Trump] ‘Whenever you see a black plastic bag stuck in a tree, or a vulture on the shoulder of the highway pulling the guts out of a dead raccoon, that’ll be me.’” — SETH MEYERS“OK, well at least he made it sound as creepy as possible.” — JAMES CORDEN“This is like the end of a bad movie where the villain says he will return, and you are like, ‘I don’t think this one is getting a sequel.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Who wrote this speech, Voldemort?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingA few friends helped Bee with a socially distanced crowd surf to mark the inauguration, including Jane Fonda, Cynthia Erivo and Catherine O’Hara.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSenator Bernie Sanders, whose wool mittens quickly got their own hashtag, will talk to Seth Meyers about his Inauguration Day experience on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutMatthew Teague in Fairhope, Ala.: “I wanted my wife’s legacy and memory to be one of enormous respect.”Credit…Akasha Rabut for The New York TimesAfter Hollywood optioned his devastating essay about his dying wife, the journalist Matthew Teague vowed the movie would do right by her. The reviews landed like a gut punch.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More
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Late Night Celebrates the Final 36 Hours of Trump in Charge
#masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Celebrates the Final 36 Hours of Trump in Charge“Normally, after a president’s term, they show before and after photos to prove how much the job aged him. This time, they’re showing before and after photos of all of us,” Jimmy Fallon joked on Monday.“You think you’re excited? Every 10 minutes the White House staffer yells how much time is left like it’s ‘The Great British Bake Off,’” Jimmy Fallon said of Trump’s final few days in office.Credit…NBCJan. 19, 2021, 1:35 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Dreams DeferredLate night celebrated Martin Luther King’s Birthday at the top of their shows by holding up the civil rights activist as an example of a great leader, as opposed to the departing president.“First of all, before anything else, Happy Martin Luther King Day, everybody, when we celebrate a great leader who led a march on Washington that didn’t end with me having to learn about someone named Q Shaman.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If Dr. King were alive today, he would probably watch the news and go, ‘Let me be more specific about this dream I had.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL[embedded content]“You know, it’s days like today we should all be grateful that Trump can’t tweet.” — JIMMY FALLON“Today was Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and I’d like to think he’d have a good laugh if he knew the F.B.I. had to spend this federal holiday tracking down and arresting thousands of white supremacists. He did have a second dream, and that was it.” — SETH MEYERSMost of the rest of their monologues were focused on President Trump’s last few days in office.“Well guys, there’s only 36 hours left in Trump’s presidency. You think you’re excited? Every 10 minutes the White House staffer yells how much time is left like it’s ‘The Great British Bake Off.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, just 36 hours left. You can tell time is running out because Trump is now signing pardons with both hands.” — JIMMY FALLON“With Trump, 36 hours still seems like a long time, right? It’s like if someone said, ‘You’re only going to be on fire for 36 more hours.’ That’s a long time. ‘You’re only going to be in this M.R.I. tube for another 36 hours. Try not to move.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Forty-eight hours from now Donald and Malaria, Melania — whoops — will be back home, asleep in separate bedrooms at Mar-a-Lago.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“President Trump is reportedly planning on leaving the White House on Wednesday morning for Florida. So he’s not changing his routine at all.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump’s leaving office with his lowest approval rating yet — it’s down to 29 percent. Which, for someone who incited a violent insurrection to overthrow the government isn’t bad. I mean, honestly, what would he have to do to get below 20 percent — eat the Constitution?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump has the lowest average approval rating of any president in the modern era. The only one to leave office with a lower rating than that was Kevin Spacey.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Normally, after a president’s term, they show before and after photos to prove how much the job aged him. This time, they’re showing before and after photos of all of us.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Trump’s Pardons Edition)“Sources say that tomorrow, on his last full day in office, the president is prepared to issue around 100 pardons and commutations. Why so many? Well, there’s reportedly a lucrative market for pardons. Finally, POTUS is running a business that makes money.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He’s calling it ‘The Olive Pardon.’ When you’re here, you’re a crime family.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“President Trump tomorrow is reportedly planning to issue at least 100 pardons and commutations. He said he wanted to give so many so that it would be even more hilarious when Giuliani doesn’t get one.” — SETH MEYERS“You can actually bet on who Trump will pardon, for real. And you know who the odds-on favorite is celebrity-wise? Lil Wayne, Trump’s buddy. They bonded over a mutual love of hip-hop and cough syrup.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“During his last hours in office, Trump is planning to issue pardons, but it’s reported it’s not going to be a pardon to himself or his family members. Trump is the only president in history who decides not to pardon himself and you immediately think, ‘What’s he up to?’” — JIMMY FALLON“I’m not surprised Trump didn’t pardon himself today because then he would be liable for whatever he does tomorrow.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Trump won’t pardon his family either. Actually it’s kind of sweet — Trump told his kids, ‘When I go down for tax fraud, I want you all to be in prison with me.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“Conan” provided a sneak peek at Trump’s “Pardonpalooza.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe actress Aubrey Plaza will pop by “Conan” on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutJavicia Leslie’s role in the CW’s “Batwoman” is her first lead part in a major TV series, and she performed many of her own stunts. “I love being up, like, 50 feet in the air,” she said.Credit…CWJavicia Leslie is the first-ever Black live-action Batwoman as the titular character on the second season of the CW series.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More
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Late Night: Shocker. Trump Stiffs Giuliani and Won’t Take His Calls.
#masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night: Shocker. Trump Stiffs Giuliani and Won’t Take His Calls.“Impeachment was great, but there really is no more perfect way for this to end than Trump stiffing Rudy,” Seth Meyers said.“Guy spent all that time flying to state capitals, rounding up witnesses from the bars at TGI Fridays and Buffalo Wild Wings, and now Trump won’t even reimburse him,” Seth Meyers said on Thursday.Credit…NBCJan. 15, 2021, 2:12 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Sparing No ExpensesAs his term nears its end, President Trump is said to have refused to pay Rudy Giuliani, his lawyer, the day rate of $20,000 that he asked for. The president also reportedly demanded to personally oversee the approval of reimbursements of Giuliani’s travel expenses.“This is like the end of ‘The Sixth Sense,’ but instead of Bruce Willis realizing he’s been dead the whole time, it’s Donald Trump realizing that Rudy has the whole time been a bad lawyer,” Seth Meyers said on Thursday’s “Late Night.”“Impeachment was great, but there really is no more perfect way for this to end than Trump stiffing Rudy. Guy spent all that time flying to state capitals, rounding up witnesses from the bars at TGI Friday’s and Buffalo Wild Wings, and now Trump won’t even reimburse him. [Imitating Trump] ‘So, you owe me for the time I called you into the hearing. It went over on minutes, because Rudy, you’re not friends and you’re not family, so those minutes are costly.’” — SETH MEYERS“And poor Rudy needed that money for the hair transplant: [Imitating Giuliani] ‘Please, boss, I’m begging you. Don’t make me go back to the mud water!’” — SETH MEYERS“Trump doesn’t want to pay that. He could’ve hired Gary Busey for a hundred bucks to do the same thing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Sucks for Giuliani. Now he’s going to have to make money on the side, bottling Uncle Rudy’s Original Skull Syrup.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Though I could understand wanting to take a closer look at Rudy’s expenses, given that so far, he’s submitted receipts for ‘Delta business-class brand plastic bottle vodka,’ ‘Uber XL T-shirt that I slept in behind the racetrack’ and ‘pay-per-view porn: “Oops! All Cousins!”’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They say Trump isn’t even taking Rudy’s calls anymore. Now the only way for Rudy to get through is if someone says his name three times in a mirror.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I wonder who leaked this story. Maybe it was Giuliani’s head.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But this is what Trump does. Even if you don’t jump ship, sooner or later he’ll throw you off it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“These two were inseparable, and now it’s come to this. It feels like Dr. Frankenstein breaking up with Igor.” — JIMMY FALLON“And you know Trump’s upset when he’s starting to make careful decisions with his money.” — JAMES CORDEN“This is like the end of ‘Jurassic Park’ when the raptors and the T-rex just turn on each other at the end.” — JAMES CORDEN“Trump says he is only ready to pay for two seasons’ worth of total landscaping.” — JAMES CORDEN“Rudy seemed blindsided by the decision, although when hair dye is constantly leaking into your eyes, it’s hard to see anything coming.” — JIMMY FALLON“I cannot wait until this somehow ends with Trump hiring Rudy Giuliani to sue Rudy Giuliani.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s great. The president’s spending his last days in office going over receipts like he’s Janis from accounting: [imitating Trump] ‘Did you stay two nights at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping? We’re not paying for that. That’s not a hotel.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Even if Trump doesn’t pay him back, at least Rudy racked up a ton of frequent-liar miles.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Moving Edition)“Tell you what, I would sign up for a streaming service that showed nothing but Trump’s stuff being moved out of the White House. I don’t know how much I would pay a month, but it’s a lot.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump’s still president for five more days, but that place is emptier than a rest-stop Cinnabon at 3 a.m.” — SETH MEYERS“Love to imagine Trump piling all his stuff into crates: his oversized suits, his ties that are so long that no matter how you pack them, a little bit pokes out.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump’s giving stuff away like the sun’s about to set on his weekend garage sale. He’s like, ‘You know what? It’s getting late — just take it. I was only going to charge a dime for it.’” — JIMMY FALLON“An unidentified trio seemed to have made off with a bust of Abraham Lincoln. Is it possible that Trump is looting the White House before he goes? He’s going to use that as a hood ornament on his golf cart.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And I sure hope someone is watching him pack because he’s definitely going to try to steal stuff. ‘Sir, why is the bust of Lincoln being packed away?’ ‘Uh, what? No, this is mine from home. I brought it. It’s not actually Lincoln — it’s my uncle, um, uh, Beard Trump.’” — SETH MEYERS“Later, another guy was seen carrying out Mike Pence. He was like, ‘Hey, put me down! I’m not a statue. Mother! Mother!’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingSenator Bernie Sanders weighed in on recent events in Washington while appearing on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMichael Cimino in the Hulu series “Love, Victor,” which features a queer lead title character.Credit…Gilles Mingasson/Hulu, via Associated PressL.G.B.T.Q. representation on television has decreased for the first time in five years.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More
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Late Night Reviews ‘Trump’s Impeachment: The Sequel’
#masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Reviews ‘Trump’s Impeachment: The Sequel’“Makes sense — this president loves having seconds,” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday.“I feel like I just took down my decorations from the last impeachment,” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday.Credit…CBSJan. 14, 2021, 1:48 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Second HelpingPresident Trump’s impeachment — his second, which is a presidential first — was big news on late night and everywhere else on Wednesday.“Makes sense — this president loves having seconds,” Stephen Colbert said on “The Late Show.”[embedded content]“I feel like I just took down my decorations from the last impeachment.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Twice! Man, this guy is hard to get rid of. He’s like a red wine stain on a white rug — we’re going to have to just get rid of the whole rug.” — SETH MEYERS“And like always, the sequel was a lot worse than the original.” — JIMMY FALLON“I know a lot of people are wondering, ‘Will I be able to follow the second impeachment if I missed the first?’ Yeah, same character, different plots.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, President Trump was impeached today for a second time — or, according to Fox News, ‘Fun rainy-day crafts to do with your grandkids.’” — SETH MEYERS“I wonder if he’s tired of all the winning yet.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s almost like he’s tanking the season so he can get the number one pick in the jailhouse fantasy draft.” — SETH MEYERS“Two impeachments, and just like Trump’s sons, the second one is the most embarrassing.” — JAMES CORDEN“I hope Trump supporters don’t suddenly become angry and volatile about this.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (a Few Good Republicans Edition)“It’s official: Mitch McConnell has turned his back on Trump, which means someone should probably help him because usually when Mitch McConnell flips on his back, it’s hard for him to get back up on the right side again.” — JAMES CORDEN“Well, it took them four years, but Trump finally figured out a way to unite Republicans and Democrats.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, 10 Republicans finally broke away from the president. Trump was so mad he started typing angry tweets about them on a calculator.” — JIMMY FALLON“McConnell is reported to be happy that the impeachment is happening, because he thinks it’ll be a good way for Republicans to get Trump out of their hairpieces.” — JIMMY KIMMEL”Reportedly, McConnell has told associates in private that he believes the president committed impeachable offenses and is leaning toward convicting him. It will all be in his memoir, ‘Leaning Toward Courage.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now this all seems promising, I know, but watch out, because there is actually nothing more disturbing than the sight of a pleased Mitch McConnell.” — JAMES CORDEN“McConnell’s apparent support for impeachment gives cover for others, meaning a dozen Republican senators — and possibly more — could ultimately vote to convict the president. Yes, at least a dozen, and possibly more, if there’s a sale at Bob’s Spine Barn.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingSomething big happens in Washington whenever Samantha Bee is a guest on “The Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe CW’s new Batwoman, Javicia Leslie, will stop by Thursday night’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutClockwise from top left, Gary Oldman in “Mank,” Lakeith Stanfield in “Judas and the Black Messiah,” Chadwick Boseman in “Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom,” Riz Ahmed in “Sound of Metal,” Anthony Hopkins in “The Father” and Delroy Lindo in “Da 5 Bloods.”Credit…Clockwise from top left: Netflix; Glen Wilson/Warner Bros. Entertainment, via Associated Press; David Lee/Netflix; Amazon Studios; Sony Pictures Classics; NetflixThe late Chadwick Boseman’s performance in “Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom” looks like the favorite for Best Actor at this year’s Academy Awards.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More
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Late Night Is a Bit Concerned About Trump’s Last Nine Days
#masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Is a Bit Concerned About Trump’s Last Nine DaysJimmy Kimmel wants him out, but admits that “usually when the Senate tries to ram something through that quickly, it’s a conservative Supreme Court justice.” “Personally, I don’t think we should impeach him twice. I think we should impeach him three times, just to make sure it sticks,” Jimmy Kimmel said of President Trump.Credit…ABCJan. 12, 2021, 3:02 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Déjà Coup’Jimmy Kimmel opened his show on Monday with a “special shout-out” to international viewers watching on YouTube, “enjoying our comeuppance from afar.”“And I don’t blame you,” he said, making air quotes: “We had it coming here in the ‘United’ States.”Kimmel marveled at Vice President Mike Pence’s reluctance to invoke the 25th Amendment to remove President Trump from office over the siege of the U.S. Capitol last week, which Democrats seeking the president’s ouster accuse him of inciting.“Pence has reportedly said privately that he’d consider invoking the 25th if Trump becomes ‘more unstable,’” Kimmel said. “More unstable? That’s like Noah saying, ‘If this rain gets any worse, I might have to build an ark.’”“Several of them are saying nine days isn’t enough time to hold impeachment hearings — and they’ve got a point. You know, usually when the Senate tries to ram something through that quickly, it’s a conservative Supreme Court justice.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Some people are saying, ‘Why bother? He’s only got nine days left in office.’ To them I reply: He’s got nine days left in office! You can do a lot in nine days. That’s enough to create the universe, and then take a three-day weekend.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, Trump is being impeached again. Right now everyone in America is having déjà coup.” — JIMMY FALLON“Also, why are we waiting for Pence to act? He spent four years by this president’s side as he’s repeatedly excused or incited violence and sowed the destruction of our democracy. I feel like we’re a group of schoolchildren at the zoo waiting for the sloth to do something: ‘He’s not going to do anything — let’s go see the polar bear!’” — SETH MEYERS“Personally, I don’t think we should impeach him twice. I think we should impeach him three times, just to make sure it sticks.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (User Not Found Edition)“Well, if you think Trump’s upset about getting impeached, imagine how he felt the other day when Twitter announced that they’re permanently suspending his account. A lifetime ban! A lifetime ban. Trump’s basically the Pete Rose of social media.” — JIMMY FALLON“Oh, damn! A lifetime Twitter ban has got to sting. They took away his precious.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The only thing scarier than Donald Trump tweeting is Donald Trump not tweeting. It was a way for us to know where he was. It’s like when they put a bell on a cow.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“According to a senior administration official, when he found out, ‘the president went ballistic’ — a troubling description of the guy who still has the nuclear codes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now he’s just getting Kayleigh McEnany to write his tweets on poster board and hold them out by the underpass.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Many in Trumpland believe that it’s wrong to encourage a corporation to ban someone for their political statements. Which, oh wait — who was the guy who told the N.F.L. to ban the players who kneeled? Oh, that was Donald Trump? I guess that was different.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump started this year thinking he should be on Mount Rushmore, now he can’t even get on Instagram.” — JIMMY FALLON“Right now, Trump’s phone is stuffed into a pile of rice after being drenched with tears.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, in one weekend, Trump’s phone became a $2,000 flashlight.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJoss Stone sang “Walk With Me” on “The Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe actress Brie Larson will appear on Tuesday’s “A Little Late With Lily Singh.”Also, Check This OutReplacing longtime hosts like Bob Barker, left, of “The Price Is Right” and Alex Trebek of “Jeopardy!” can be a challenge.Credit…From left: CBS; Jeopardy ProductionsAlex Trebek is irreplaceable, but “Jeopardy!” can still survive, as other game shows have after losing iconic hosts.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More
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Late Night Is Unimpressed by Titanic-Fleeing Republicans
#masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Is Unimpressed by Titanic-Fleeing Republicans “Resigning with two weeks left feels less like some moral stand and more like leaving early to beat traffic,” Jimmy Fallon said of the departing officials.Jan. 8, 2021, 2:05 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Sinking ShipThe late-night hosts were still reeling along with the rest of the country on Thursday, the day after a Trump-incited mob stormed the Capitol.“Well, guys, it’s been a pretty epic 24 hours,” Jimmy Fallon said at the top of “The Tonight Show.” “Joe Biden was certified as our next president, several staffers have resigned from the White House, Trump’s social media accounts were banned, and yet, compared to yesterday, it’s a slow news day.”“Since yesterday’s riot, resignations have poured in at the White House, and sources expect they’ll keep coming. Although resigning with two weeks left feels less like some moral stand and more like leaving early to beat traffic.” — JIMMY FALLON“My question is, how do you put in your two weeks’ notice when your job ends in less than two weeks?” — JIMMY FALLON“I’ve been watching the news, and these ‘experts’ keep saying ‘history will not look back kindly’ on the politicians who continue with this charade. As if those people care about history. Those people don’t even care about climate change. At this rate, we’ll be lucky if we even have a history for them to be ashamed of.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Last night marked the end of the longtime romance between Donald Trump and his golden Graham, Lindsey, who used his time before the Senate last night to issue a very public breakup.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Lindsey Graham said he and Trump ‘had a hell of a journey,’ but ‘enough is enough.’ And he decided not to give him the final rose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That was something to watch. I’d like to commend Senator Graham for this courageous act, two weeks after he called to try to get the Georgia secretary of state to change the election results. Now he’s appalled. But heroes come in many forms, folks.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And after that ugly day yesterday, President Trump’s mental state has now come into question, with one senior adviser saying Trump has, quote, ‘lost it.’ I’ve got to say, it’s very brave of Republicans to start speaking out against Trump only 99.9 percent of the way through his term in office. You know, not to quibble about this, but for someone to ‘lose it,’ first they must ‘possess it,’ mustn’t they?’ — JAMES CORDEN“People were comparing this big wave of resignations to rats fleeing the Titanic, but I really don’t think that’s fair. At one point, the Titanic actually had some direction. It was going somewhere.” — JAMES CORDEN“It makes sense, though. You want to get out into the job market before the Trump administration gets blocked on LinkedIn as well.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Blocked and Banned Edition)“Trump was suspended by Twitter. He’s blocked by Facebook and Instagram, too. Still on Match.com.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Well, yesterday we learned that if you incite a coup against the U.S. government, you will face up to 12 hours without a Twitter account.” — SETH MEYERS“Aside from his fear of removal or prosecution, maybe baby just wants his toy back, because Twitter locked the president’s account after his riot on Capitol Hill. Good to know Twitter is finally treating a violence-inciting fascist as harshly as a teenager who used seven seconds of an Imagine Dragons song.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He also got blocked from posting to Facebook and Instagram indefinitely. YouTube pulled his video address to the rioters, citing election misinformation, and Amazon banned him from ordering Pixy Stix because they get him too wound up before bedtime.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In other news, guess who doesn’t want to ban TikTok anymore.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJulien Baker performed her timely new song “Faith Healer” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMartin Scorsese and Fran Lebowitz, as seen in the new Netflix documentary series “Pretend It’s a City,” are longtime friends. “It’s about being around Fran,” said Scorsese, who directed the series.Credit…NetflixFran Lebowitz and Martin Scorsese reminisce about old New York in their new Netflix documentary series, “Pretend It’s a City.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More
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Late Night Wonders if Mike Pence Will Stand by His Man
#masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Wonders if Mike Pence Will Stand by His ManSeth Meyers joked that the vice president had to “choose between the Constitution and a sleazy mafia don cold-calling election officials illegally, begging for votes like a telemarketer.”Late-night hosts noted that Vice President Mike Pence’s role in certifying the election was purely ceremonial. “Pence can’t change the results any more than Vanna White can change the phrase on the board,” Seth Meyers joked.Credit…NBCJan. 6, 2021, 3:08 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Mike Pence, Glorified ‘Bingo Caller’Congress is convening on Wednesday to certify Joe Biden’s victory in the presidential election, and President Trump’s wish for Vice President Mike Pence, who will preside over the proceedings in a largely ceremonial role, to declare him the winner instead was a late-night talking point on Tuesday. Trump has been pressuring other officials as well, asking Georgia’s secretary of state over the weekend to “find” him enough votes to overturn the results.Seth Meyers said Pence would ultimately have to “choose between the Constitution and a sleazy mafia don cold-calling election officials illegally, begging for votes like a telemarketer.”“[Imitating Trump] ‘Hello, is this the secretary of state of Arizona? Are you happy with your internet service? What if I told you you could combine Wi-Fi and cable for the price of only 11,000 votes?” — SETH MEYERS“The vice president’s role is ceremonial. It’s like the Oscars. He basically opens the envelope and announces the name. But Trump wants him to pull a ‘La La Land.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Pence can’t change the results any more than Vanna White can change the phrase on the board.” — SETH MEYERS“Pence’s only role is to preside over the ballot count. He’s basically one step above a bingo caller.” — JIMMY FALLON“Poor Mike Pence. He hasn’t been this stressed out since the time he saw a woman in short sleeves.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If this were an after-school special, this is the part where we would tell Mike Pence that if the president says he won’t like you unless you give him what he wants, then he doesn’t really care about you. He should like you for who you are — although we understand why he wouldn’t, because who you are is Mike Pence.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The vice president can’t arbitrarily decide who’s the next president. Otherwise, in 2001, I’m going to guess Al Gore would have picked Al Gore.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Something tells me tomorrow morning, some very important Space Force business is going to come up that Mike Pence has to deal with personally.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Devil Down in Georgia Edition)“Last night the Devil came down to Georgia; he was lookin’ for a vote to steal.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump was in town, supposedly to support the Republican candidates. But, really, he was just there to be truthless to the toothless. Can you guess how long it took him to mention the election was rigged against him?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Wow, five seconds. Well, way longer than I expected.” — JIMMY FALLON“Oh, honey, move on. It’s over!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That has to be the fastest use of ‘by the way’ in any speech ever. You weren’t even on the way yet. Give yourself some runway, buddy.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump spoke for almost 90 minutes, and then he invited everyone on a scavenger hunt to find 12,000 more votes.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump would read ‘A Tale of Two Cities’ like [imitating Trump] ‘“It was the best of”— by the way, I am the best. Everyone says I’m the best.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe staff of “The Late Late Show” celebrated Diane Keaton’s birthday by dressing in their favorite Diane Keaton looks.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSamantha Bee will check in with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday night.Also, Check This OutThe comedian Lilly Singh on her personal basketball court at home in Los Angeles.Credit…Tracy Nguyen for The New York TimesIn addition to preparing for next Monday’s return of her late-night show “A Little Late,” the comedian Lilly Singh spent her weekend watching “Big Mouth” and reading The Skimm.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More
