Late Show with Stephen Colbert (TV Program)

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      Stephen Colbert Would Like to Know Who’s in Charge Here

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      The “Late Show” host was taken aback by the White House’s claim that Elon Musk doesn’t run DOGE: “It’s literally named after his favorite meme!”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.SpatchcockedThe so-called Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, continues to cut a swath through the Civil Service. Or as Stephen Colbert put it on Wednesday, “our government is getting spatchcocked by Elon Musk and his post-pubescent pink slip troopers.”“Naturally, the federal workers in their path of wanton destruction are experiencing anger, chaos and confusion, which, coincidentally, are also the Secret Service code names for Trump, Elon and Don Jr.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It turns out being an unelected donor running an unauthorized employee kill squad might get you sued at some point in the future. So in new legal filings, the White House claims that Elon Musk is not in charge at DOGE. What? It’s literally named after his favorite meme!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is the most confusing leadership structure since Ruth’s Chris Steak House. Who is Chris? Why does he seem to belong to Ruth?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Elon and the DOGE-bags have fired so many people so quickly, in so many critical areas, with so little thought beforehand, that the government is now scrambling to rehire the nuclear staff it fired on Friday. These are folks involved with designing, building and overseeing the U.S. nuclear weapons stockpile after concerns grew that their dismissal could jeopardize national security. I share those concerns.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But here’s the wrinkle and the rub: The government has struggled to reach the people that were fired after they were locked out of their federal email accounts. So now we got a bunch of [expletive] people with a lot of time on their hands who know how to build nuclear weapons.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Rehiring people on Tuesday that you fired on Friday does not scream ‘government efficiency.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (On Principle Edition)“And with Trump doing so much so fast, leave it to the Never Trumpers to do what little they can to make a fast buck. An event called the Principles First Summit convenes this weekend in D.C. What are their principles? Well, judging by the lineup, cashing in on whatever’s left of Trump envy.” — GREG GUTFELD“The biggest and most bitterest names in the anti-Trump world will be there: Adam Kinzinger, Michael Steele, Bill Kristol and George Conway. All that was missing was Joy Behar.” — GREG GUTFELD“There are a few Dems to shore up the list of yesterday’s pundits who’ve seen their audiences flee like Tim Walz hearing a car backfire.” — GREG GUTFELDWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Stephen Colbert Laughs Off New York Mayor’s Staffing Woes

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      This week, Colbert said, Eric Adams’s problems “stopped being funny and started becoming hilarious.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Rat RaceNew York City’s mayor, Eric Adams, has had a challenging start to his week, with four of his eight deputy mayors announcing their resignations. Stephen Colbert called it the moment when “Adams’s controversies stopped being funny and started becoming hilarious.”“The resignations were from the first deputy mayor, deputy mayor for health and human services, deputy mayor for operations, and deputy mayor for public safety. So, at this point, the city is evidently being run by the remaining deputy mayor: 100 rats in a trench coat.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe resignations came after several federal prosecutors in the Southern District of New York quit, having come under pressure from the Trump administration to drop charges in the mayor’s corruption case.“That takes courage. Thankfully, all these lawyers found jobs at the new firm of Wegot, Balls & Howe.” — STEPHEN COLBERTColbert reminded viewers that Adams has “been involved in controversy for years now.”“For instance, while he was running to be the mayor of New York, no one could tell if he lived in New York or New Jersey; once he became mayor, he appointed, and later had to remove, his brother as deputy police commissioner. He announced a personal war on rats, introduced a Times Square RoboCop that failed as a police officer but thrived as a public urinal, and claims that the Big Apple is littered with unique crystals that give out a special energy. Yes, in fact, I saw a gentleman enjoying some of those unique crystals in the Port Authority bathroom yesterday. He definitely radiated a ‘special energy.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Reality Bites Edition)“This is the worst ad I have ever seen. It’s a virtual support group for singles, but it looks like an A.A. meeting for ‘Animal Crossing’ villagers.” — TAYLOR TOMLINSON on Meta’s new ad for its VR game, “Horizon Worlds”“CGI has gotten very good — ‘Avatar,’ ‘Planet of the Apes,’ ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ — get it together! You’re telling me this is the best you can do? It looks like an animated show for children made by even younger children.” — TAYLOR TOMLINSONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Maher Knocks Trump’s Gutting of the Federal Work Force

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      “America is in shock that the guy whose catchphrase was ‘You’re fired’ is firing everybody in government,” Bill Maher said of President Trump on “Real Time.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Hulk SmashPresident Donald Trump’s first month in office has been eventful.On Friday’s episode of “Real Time,” the host Bill Maher referred to the last several days as “week four of Hulk smash,” saying that Trump’s administration “dissects a frog with a hand grenade — this is their method.”“We were so scared that the government was going to turn into ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ that we didn’t see that the big threat was from the guys on ‘The Big Bang Theory.’” — BILL MAHER“America is in shock that the guy whose catchphrase was ‘You’re fired’ is firing everybody in government.” — BILL MAHER“He wants to suck our blood? That is not what I voted for when I voted for Dracula.” — BILL MAHER“Maybe this is why Gen Z’s approval rating of Trump has dropped 30 points in one month. Hey, kids, a little tip: The time to pay attention is before the election.” — BILL MAHER“Look, I believe government is too bloated, but the way they’re doing it is ridiculous and horrible and now they went — maybe this is the one that’s too far — they went and fired almost everybody in the agency that’s responsible for maintaining our nuclear weapons. Fired — and then, of course, they had to walk that back because somebody said, ‘This is a national security crisis.’ Duh.” — BILL MAHERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Presidents’ Day Edition)”It is Presidents’ Day, so to those who celebrate, why?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“All government offices will be closed, although I think that was the plan anyway.” — BILL MAHER“When I was a kid, it wasn’t Presidents’ Day; we celebrated Washington and Lincoln’s birthdays. Every February, we would hang our stockings and wait for Abraham Lincoln to fill them with wooden teeth.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian Andy Richter and the lawyer and activist George Conway joined the panelists to dog DOGE on the Season 2 premiere of “Have I Got News For You.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightGeorge Clooney will discuss his Broadway debut in “Good Night, and Good Luck” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutDozens of current and former “Saturday Night Live” cast members, along with dozens of former hosts and musicians, gathered onstage with the show’s creator, Lorne Michaels (front row, second from left), to close out the show.Theo Wargo/NBC, via Getty ImagesThe “Saturday Night Live” 50th anniversary special was sweet, self-satirizing and star-studded. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Has Doubts About Trump’s Religious Convictions

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      According to Kimmel, “MAGA Teresa” only attended the National Prayer Breakfast “because he doesn’t like it when people worship anyone other than him.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Put a Shirt On’President Trump attended the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington on Thursday. Jimmy Kimmel, who called him “MAGA Teresa,” said he only showed up “because he doesn’t like it when people worship anyone other than him.”“He covered a lot of subjects. He bragged about deporting immigrants, his war on diversity, fighting ‘transgenders’ — all the sacred teachings of Jesus.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“President Trump spoke today at the National Prayer Breakfast, in case you needed more proof that those don’t work.” — SETH MEYERS“While speaking today at the National Prayer Breakfast, President Trump said, ‘None of us knows exactly when our time on Earth will be over.’ I don’t know, I’m thinking whenever R.F.K. Jr. gets confirmed.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump also told the audience we need to bring religion back, and who better to bring it back than the guy who sells ‘God Bless the U.S.A.’ bibles for $59.99.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of all the unbelievable things about Donald Trump, religious people believing he is also a religious person might be the toughest one to understand.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Honestly, if Trump met Jesus, he’d call him a loser, he’d tell him to get a haircut and put a shirt on.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Super Bowl LIX Edition)“Super Bowl Sunday, also known as ‘Get Drunk in a Friend of a Friend’s Weird Living Room Day,’ is imminent. Hope everyone has their friendship bracelets picked out.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, between the game and the commercials, it’s going to be four straight hours of Patrick Mahomes on TV.” — JIMMY FALLON“Donald Trump will be there at the game. He said — this is fun — he said he’s going to let Elon pick the winner this year.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He will make history as the first sitting president to go to the Super Bowl. I think the reason Trump’s going to the Super Bowl, he can’t stand to have even one day where he’s on TV less than Taylor Swift.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Taylor Swift will also be in attendance to support her boyfriend, the Chiefs’ superstar tight end, Taylor Swift’s boyfriend.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I saw that this year’s Super Bowl will be watched in 180 countries. Yeah, well, 179 if we take over Canada by Saturday.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe Oscar-winning actor Ke Huy Quan discussed his new role in the film “Love Hurts” on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutIn a new installment of the franchise, Smurfette and the other Smurfs leave their village for an adventure in the live-action world.Paramount PicturesA trailer for the upcoming “Smurfs” movie features Rihanna, who’ll be the voice of Smurfette. More

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      Stephen Colbert Is a Little Alarmed About Trump’s Gaza Proposal

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      Colbert wasn’t the only host flabbergasted by President Trump’s plan to take over Gaza, move the Palestinians out and turn it into a resort destination.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.First Dibs on the Gaza StripAt a White House news conference on Tuesday, President Trump said the United States should take over Gaza, which he said could be turned into “the Riviera of the Middle East” once all the Palestinians there had been moved out.On Wednesday’s “Late Show,” the camera cut from that clip to Stephen Colbert in a fright wig. “I’m sorry, that was just so shocking, it made me put a wig on,” he said.“All these years, I don’t know why no one else thought to call shotgun on the Holy Land.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A source close to the president said it was Trump’s own idea. Everyone was like, ‘Oh, we can tell.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump wants to take over Greenland, Canada and now the Gaza Strip. He’s like everyone at 2 a.m., drunk-ordering off Amazon: ‘[slurring] I’m going to — I’m going to add Gaza Strip to the cart. I want Gaza Strip.” — JIMMY FALLON“This is really what he wants to do. It’s like our country is being run by the maniac from ‘Saw.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Every idea is worse than the last idea. He seems to believe that the reason there’s conflict in Gaza is because no one thought to give them a pickleball court. Everything, no matter what the crisis may be, everything always comes back to real estate with him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The only thing the United Nations and the Taliban have in common is they both think this is a terrible idea.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Gaza Glow-Up Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Wants Canada to Save Us, Eh?

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      Kimmel is all for making Canada the 51st state: “If Canada also had 54 electoral votes, forget MAGA — our next president will be a kindhearted lesbian moose.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Oh, CanadaPresident Trump agreed to suspend his threatened tariffs on Canada’s exports after making a deal with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on Monday.Trump said he considered Canada’s “concessions” a “big victory,” but Jimmy Kimmel noted on Tuesday that Trudeau had reiterated a border commitment that he’d already announced.”That’s right, under President Trump, our allies will be reiterating in their boots from now on,” Kimmel said.“Next, his plan is he’s going to force France to give us the Statue of Liberty. Won’t that be nice? The art of the deal.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s nice, he decided not to break up with them till after Valentine’s Day.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump’s also doubling down on this idea that Canada would agree to become our 51st state — as if Drake hasn’t been through enough this week.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But let’s just imagine for a second that somehow they do make this happen and Canada does become a state. Do they think it would be a red state? There are 41 million people living in Canada. They’re about the same number we have in California. California has 54 electoral votes. If Canada also had 54 electoral votes, forget MAGA — our next president will be a kindhearted lesbian moose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m trying to say, I’m for it. Save us, Canada — you’re our only hope.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Egg Edition)“I never thought I’d live in a time where there’d be surge pricing on eggs. This is going to be a tough Easter, kids. Get ready to start hunting Swedish meatballs.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Can you imagine if Joe Biden was still president and there weren’t any eggs in the store? Trump would be screaming into an empty McMuffin right now.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Weighs In on the ‘World’s Dumbest Trade War’

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      Jimmy Kimmel thinks President Trump decided not to impose tariffs on Mexico because he saw the guacamole bill for his Super Bowl party.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Tariff ManPresident Trump announced new tariffs on Canada and Mexico over the weekend but agreed to pause them for 30 days on Monday.Jimmy Kimmel called Trump’s tariffs “fake,” saying he was “pretending to issue tariffs so that Canada and Mexico can pretend to bend over for him, and then it’ll look like he’s the big hero.”“He’s like a toddler negotiating nap time with his parents.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“People are wondering why Trump would start a war with our closest allies, and he was like, ‘I didn’t say anything about Russia and North Korea.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Maybe it’s the New Yorker in me, but the last people you want to upset are your upstairs and downstairs neighbors.” — JIMMY FALLON“So now, we have a one-month cease-fire in what some liberal rag called The Wall Street Journal described as ‘the dumbest trade war in history.’ To which the Dallas Mavericks said, ‘Hold my Luka Dončić.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But you do have to hand it to him. Starting the ‘world’s dumbest trade war’ is an accomplishment to add to a very long list: first of all, world’s dumbest trade war, world’s dumbest Covid response, world’s dumbest climate policy, world’s dumbest hurricane map, world’s dumbest election interference, world’s dumbest wildfire response, world’s dumbest crowd size comparison, world’s dumbest insurrection, and world’s dumbest Eric. He’s like the Michael Phelps of the world’s dumbest stuff.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“No American wakes up saying, ‘Damn Canada. We should really go after Canada.’ I mean, except for Kendrick Lamar. That dude has it out for Canadian rap.” — SETH MEYERS“I just hope cooler heads prevail and the countries involved in this dumb trade war can all get back to selling each other crap as soon as possible.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tequila Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Time Magazine’s Person of the Year Doesn’t Surprise Late Night

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      “Trump is the first man in history to be Time’s person of the year and McDonald’s employee of the month,” Jimmy Fallon said on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘America’s Main Character’Time magazine has named President-elect Donald Trump as its person of the year for 2024.“Trump is the first man in history to be Time’s person of the year and McDonald’s employee of the month,” Jimmy Fallon said. “History is being made!”“Trump said the honor feels just as exciting as the birth of his child, except he was present for the award.” — JIMMY FALLON“So it’s the second time he’s had the honor, with the first coming after his presidential win in 2016. That was also the same week Hillary Clinton canceled her subscription and smashed her server with a hammer.” — DANA PERINO, guest host of “Gutfeld!”“The editorial board mentioned Trump’s historic comeback, his impact on global politics and how we increased his votes from Blacks, Latinos and people named Biden.” — DANA PERINO“The difference: In 2016, the cover called him ‘President of the divided states of America.’ This year, it’s simply his name, even though there was plenty of room for ‘Cry harder, losers.’” — DANA PERINO“Now, obviously, Donald Trump is the person of the year. At this point, he’s basically America’s main character.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Sadly, there’s no one left to roll it up and spank him with it. Maybe Elon will do it for him, I don’t know.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“According to the Time website, the person of the year is bestowed upon ‘a person, group, or concept that had the biggest impact for good or for ill.’ Which, that’s him, all right. It was a no-brainer in every sense of the word.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“By the way, just to put Trump’s Time cover in context, it’s not exactly a mark of greatness. The president who currently holds the record for the most Time magazine covers, it isn’t a universally beloved one, like F.D.R., J.F.K. or George Washington. Not because Time wasn’t around in the 1700s, but because Washington was more of a People magazine time of guy.” — SETH MEYERS“But I guess once again, Time has not been kind to Joe Biden.” — MICHAEL KOSTAThe Punchiest Punchlines (Clemency For Christmas Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More