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    Late Night on Trump, the Constitution and Playing With Dolls

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    On “Meet the Press” and social media, President Trump gave the hosts a lot of material to choose from, even by his standards.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Presidents Say the Darndest ThingsDuring a “Meet the Press” interview that aired on Sunday, President Trump was asked whether he had to uphold the Constitution. He replied, “I don’t know.”“Wow, they talked a lot about Biden’s mental decline, but this guy can’t even remember stuff from, like, four months ago,” Seth Meyers said on Monday.“Well, it’s been great, folks, but that’s it — I think we can roll credits on the United States.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“On ‘Millionaire,’ that’d be the warm-up question, like ‘What color is an orange?’ or ‘Name a planet with people on it.’ I mean, if you can’t answer that the president’s supposed to uphold the Constitution, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t even let you become a citizen.” — JON STEWART“It’s the same answer he gives when they ask where Melania lives: ‘I don’t know, I’d have to ask my lawyers.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The Constitution isn’t one of Don Jr.’s birthdays. You can’t just ignore it.” — JIMMY KIMMELTrump, asked about the economy, also doubled down on his suggestion that children could get by with fewer toys. “I don’t think a beautiful baby girl needs — that’s 11 years old needs to have 30 dolls,” he said. “I think they can have three dolls, or four dolls.”“Right, think of them like wives: Two, three, four would be a good number.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“All you need to know about the relationship he has with his daughters and granddaughters is he thinks 11-year-olds still play with dolls.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson. It’s a beautiful 11-year-old baby! You did so well in your 44th trimester.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In response, Pokémon has rolled out their new slogan: ‘Pokémon, Gotta Catch a Couple!’” — SETH MEYERS“I mean, who runs on a pledge of ‘Let’s make Christmas worse for children’?” — BILL MAHER“A billionaire telling kids they need to cut back on dolls. That is some world-class political messaging right there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Every interview now is like an episode of ‘Kids Say the Darndest Things.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (May the Fourth Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Pokes Fun at Trump’s Dismal Poll Numbers

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      Seth Meyers called Donald Trump “the most unpopular president since Kevin Spacey.” Even measles is polling better, according to Jimmy Fallon.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Down BadPresident Trump will mark 100 days in office this week, but most of the country won’t be celebrating, to judge from his falling poll numbers.On Monday, Seth Meyers said Trump was “killing it — and by ‘it,’ I mean his approval ratings.”“Donald Trump is the most unpopular president since Kevin Spacey.” — SETH MEYERS“After almost 100 days in office, Trump is as popular as Kanye at a bat mitzvah.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Time really flies when you’re in the fetal position, doesn’t it? — BILL MAHER“In the ABC poll, more than 70 percent of Americans say the economy today is either ‘not so good’ or ‘poor.’ The other 30 percent are either in a coma or in his cabinet or both.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, Trump’s approval rating is down to 39 percent. Even measles is polling at 40 percent.” — JIMMY FALLON“In a post on Truth Social yesterday, President Trump urged House Republicans to skip a celebration of his first 100 days in office to vote on his tax bill. Oh, I hate to break it to you, buddy — there wasn’t going to be a celebration.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Cedric the Entertainer Edition)“For whatever reason, even though the Vatican dress code specifically recommended a dark suit for the service, Trump showed up in his bluest blue suit, something from the Cedric the Entertainer funeral collection.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump wore his blue suit, and Melania wore her wedding dress.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump thought it was a funeral for his holiness, Papa Smurf.” — JIMMY FALLON“Meanwhile, Trump wore a black suit for a week after Hooters went out of business.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Oh, Mary!” star Cole Escola showed Stephen Colbert how to play a straight guy on Monday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightJulia Louis-Dreyfus will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This Out“This is where I belong, these are my people,” Sister Monica Clare said. “I never thought I would find that.”Lila Barth for The New York TimesSister Monica Clare presents a compelling argument for convents in her popular TikTok content and a new memoir. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Praises Pope Francis for Going Out With a Mic Drop

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      “Is there anything more Catholic than waiting until Monday to die so you don’t upstage Jesus Christ?” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Pope Version of a Mic Drop’Pope Francis died on Monday, just one day after meeting with Vice President JD Vance at the Vatican on Easter Sunday and leading Mass in St. Peter’s Square.“Is there anything more Catholic than waiting until Monday to die so you don’t upstage Jesus Christ?” Jimmy Kimmel said.“I mean, I don’t think there is. It’s the Pope version of a mic drop, really.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, man, what a way to go, huh? I mean, ‘Holy Father, do you have any last wishes?’ ‘Well, not this. Not this. Not a meet and greet with Vice President Maybelline, no thank you.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Shortly after his visit, Vance tweeted, ‘Today I met with the Holy Father Pope Francis. I am grateful for his invitation to meet, and I pray for his good health. Happy Easter!’ So now we know JD Vance is bad at praying, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Then Trump announced that he will be attending the Pope’s funeral. He said they’re ‘looking forward to being there!’ like he got tickets to Coachella or something. What are the chances Trump declares himself Pope? They’re not zero.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Easter Messaging Edition)“On Easter Sunday, President Trump wrote, ‘Happy Easter to all, including the radical left lunatics bringing murderers, drug lords, dangerous prisoners, the mentally insane, and MS-13 gang members and wife beaters back into our country.’ He then deported the Easter Bunny to El Salvador.” — GREG GUTFELD“We have a president who addresses the nation like the Zodiac Killer on Easter Sunday.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, my gosh, my favorite holiday on the Christian calendar: the day when we celebrate Jesus being resurrected from the dead. Or, as Elon Musk sees it, an elaborate scheme to defraud Social Security.” — BILL MAHER“Trump is honoring the day by locking up guys named Jesus, and he pardoned Pontius Pilate.” — BILL MAHER“We see Melania and the Easter Bunny on the same schedule — once a year at this time.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian George Wallace and the political commentator Alyssa Farah Griffin weighed in on Bernie Sanders’s surprise appearance at Coachella on Saturday’s “Have I Got News For You.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightRepresentative Jasmine Crockett will appear on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutSome of the biggest names in American culture have skated, danced or nervously shimmied their way down this corridor.Bethany Mollenkof for The New York Times“The Jennifer Hudson Show” has taken over TikTok with its “spirit tunnel” video clips. More

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      Late Night Weighs In on Trump’s Perfect Physical

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      “The doctor said Trump’s BMI is 28,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “Right, and so is his next wife, by the way.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Picture of HealthThe results of President Trump’s annual physical exam described a man in “excellent health.”“Of course he is,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday. “He eats right, he avoids unhealthy foods, diet soda. He manages stress, he doesn’t hang onto anger, he gets a good night’s sleep, he limits his time on social media, he spends lots of time with loved ones, and gets plenty of exercise getting in and out of that golf cart.”“And he’s got a body like Brad Pitt to show it.” — JIMMY KIMMELHe “gave Trump a clean bill of health, saying, ‘his active lifestyle continues to contribute significantly to his well-being’ including his ‘frequent victories in golf events,’ adding, his well-being is also due to a cruel, indifferent universe where good, hardworking people are routinely diagnosed with terminal illnesses, but an objectively evil monster who only eats cheeseburgers and fried chicken lives forever. The world is chaos, there is no god, proven by his frequent victories in golf events.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Dr. Barbabella claims that Trump is 6-feet-3, which he is not. He weighs 224 pounds. Just for comparison, Green Bay Packers quarterback Jordan Love is 6-4, 219 pounds. Honestly, it’s difficult to tell them apart.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m going to say no to either of those numbers. I don’t want to be that guy, but he has a front butt.” — JON STEWART“Maybe they just weighed Trump’s head.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The doctor said Trump’s BMI is 28. Right, and so is his next wife, by the way.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Barbabella, good man and thorough, wrote: ‘I performed and supervised the comprehensive exam, which included diagnostic and laboratory testing, as well as consultations with 14 specialty consultants.’ ’Cause nothing says good health like your doctor saying, ‘I think you’re fine. I just need to consult with 14 specialty consultants.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Taking Space Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Maher Knocks Trump’s Gutting of the Federal Work Force

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      “America is in shock that the guy whose catchphrase was ‘You’re fired’ is firing everybody in government,” Bill Maher said of President Trump on “Real Time.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Hulk SmashPresident Donald Trump’s first month in office has been eventful.On Friday’s episode of “Real Time,” the host Bill Maher referred to the last several days as “week four of Hulk smash,” saying that Trump’s administration “dissects a frog with a hand grenade — this is their method.”“We were so scared that the government was going to turn into ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ that we didn’t see that the big threat was from the guys on ‘The Big Bang Theory.’” — BILL MAHER“America is in shock that the guy whose catchphrase was ‘You’re fired’ is firing everybody in government.” — BILL MAHER“He wants to suck our blood? That is not what I voted for when I voted for Dracula.” — BILL MAHER“Maybe this is why Gen Z’s approval rating of Trump has dropped 30 points in one month. Hey, kids, a little tip: The time to pay attention is before the election.” — BILL MAHER“Look, I believe government is too bloated, but the way they’re doing it is ridiculous and horrible and now they went — maybe this is the one that’s too far — they went and fired almost everybody in the agency that’s responsible for maintaining our nuclear weapons. Fired — and then, of course, they had to walk that back because somebody said, ‘This is a national security crisis.’ Duh.” — BILL MAHERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Presidents’ Day Edition)”It is Presidents’ Day, so to those who celebrate, why?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“All government offices will be closed, although I think that was the plan anyway.” — BILL MAHER“When I was a kid, it wasn’t Presidents’ Day; we celebrated Washington and Lincoln’s birthdays. Every February, we would hang our stockings and wait for Abraham Lincoln to fill them with wooden teeth.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian Andy Richter and the lawyer and activist George Conway joined the panelists to dog DOGE on the Season 2 premiere of “Have I Got News For You.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightGeorge Clooney will discuss his Broadway debut in “Good Night, and Good Luck” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutDozens of current and former “Saturday Night Live” cast members, along with dozens of former hosts and musicians, gathered onstage with the show’s creator, Lorne Michaels (front row, second from left), to close out the show.Theo Wargo/NBC, via Getty ImagesThe “Saturday Night Live” 50th anniversary special was sweet, self-satirizing and star-studded. More

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      Late Night Makes Its Last Jokes About Biden Pardoning Turkeys

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      Although Thanksgiving was still three days away, “the turkeys looked at Biden and said, ‘We better get this done,’” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lucky BirdsPresident Biden pardoned his last two Thanksgiving turkeys on Monday.Although the holiday was still three days away, “the turkeys looked at Biden and said, ‘We better get this done,’” Jimmy Fallon said.“Today on the South Lawn of the White House, President Biden pardoned two turkeys from Minnesota named Peach and Blossom. Those aren’t turkey names. Peach and Blossom sound like the special guests at a bachelor party.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden today presided over the annual White House turkey pardon. Well, he didn’t exactly pardon them, he just turned the investigation over to Merrick Garland, and then it just kind of petered out.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s kind of miraculous that these turkeys were able to get pardons without Ryan Murphy even doing a show about them on Netflix.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, President Biden presided over the annual White House turkey pardon and granted clemency to Peach, Blossom and, before anyone noticed, Hunter.” — SETH MEYERS“Yep, Biden promised that the turkeys would not get killed this November. Democrats were like, ‘Hey, that’s what you said to us.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I hope everyone enjoyed the pardoning, because next year, under Trump, those turkeys will be Matt Gaetz and Rudy Giuliani.” — JIMMY FALLONBah, HumbugOn his last episode of “Real Time” for the year, Bill Maher argued that Americans should forget politics and enjoy Christmas.“Enough! It’s [expletive] Christmas, and you will act like it,” Maher said. “’Tis the season, and all that.”We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Is Appalled by Trump’s Mile-High McDonald’s Feast

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      The president-elect dined on his plane with some associates — including Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who hates fast food. Jimmy Kimmel called it a “subservience test.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not-So-Happy MealOver the weekend, President-elect Donald Trump shared a photo from his private plane, showing him eating McDonald’s with Elon Musk, Donald Trump Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as Speaker Mike Johnson peeked into the frame.“Only Donald Trump would force his new health czar to eat McDonald’s,” Jimmy Kimmel said, referring to Kennedy. “That’s what he does, these are subservience tests.” “This is like the Last Supper, but everyone is Judas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I love that they essentially hazed R.F.K. Jr., who rails against processed food and has called fast food poison, by not only making him eat McDonald’s but forcing him to take a picture while doing it.” — SETH MEYERS“You can tell it’s McDonald’s, because that is a grimace.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Look at R.F.K. Jr. He’s holding that McDonald’s the way you hold a bag of weed you found in your kid’s room.” — SETH MEYERS“That is the most powerful assemblage of junk food since the Yalta Conference party sub.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Look, I know Trump has been accused and found guilty of many crimes, but certainly none worse than ‘brings Filet-O-Fish on a plane.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT‘There’s No Monopoly on Stupid’On “Real Time,” Bill Maher chided Democrats for losing touch with the average American, saying the party had become “a ‘Portlandia’ sketch.”“Maybe take the clothespins off your noses and actually converse with the other half of the country. Stop screaming at people to get with the program and instead make a program worth getting with.” — BILL MAHER“You love to speak truth to power, and we always should, but you have completely lost the ability to speak truth to [expletive].” — BILL MAHER“You just lost a crazy contest to an actual crazy person.” — BILL MAHER“Even the one concession I’ve heard a few people on the losing side offer — that liberals should stop saying that Trump voters are stupid — comes with a kind of unspoken parentheses: ‘We know they are stupid, just don’t say it.’ Yeah, I got bad news for you: They don’t have a monopoly on stupid.” — BILL MAHERGreg Gutfeld had similar thoughts about the Democrats on Monday.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      New York Comedy Festival Recommendations

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      The intriguing options range from well-known names like Bill Maher and Tracy Morgan to under-the-radar standups like Chloe Radcliffe and Jay Jurden.When the New York Comedy Festival started in 2004, it was a modest affair, with only a dozen standup shows. Twenty years later, it has grown into a bustling, sprawling staple of the comedy season, featuring more than 100 shows, big and small, in every borough. The festival begins Thursday and runs through Nov. 17. Here are a few promising options.‘Chloe Radcliffe: Cheat’Chelsea Music Hall, SundayMore than a decade ago, a Hollywood producer told me you couldn’t make a movie about a woman who cheats on her boyfriend or spouse and still retain the audience’s sympathy. The stand-up Chloe Radcliffe proves him wrong in this personal solo show that explores infidelity (her own and the subject broadly) with a refreshing candor and open-mindedness. “Cheat” finds a new take on an old subject while delivering hard-hitting punchlines.Bill Maher: The WTF TourBeacon Theater, Nov. 16In a festival that doesn’t seem especially packed with political comics, Bill Maher, who has performed at the event more than any other comic, stands out. He has talked about giving up standup and focusing on his weekly HBO show and podcast, so who knows if this will be his swan song. In September he predicted Donald J. Trump would lose. What will he say now?Jay JurdenGramercy Theater, MondayWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Addresses Your Election Eve Anxiety

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      “It feels like the whole country is waiting to get the results of a biopsy,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Performance AnxietyThe late-night hosts seem to be as anxious about the election as you are.“It feels like the whole country is waiting to get the results of a biopsy,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday.“These polls — they’re mood rings. That’s all they are. They bring you up, they bring you down. Poll is short for ‘bipolar.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Tomorrow is Election Day and ‘Late Night’ is officially endorsing Xanax 0.5 milligram, twice a day as needed.” — SETH MEYERSOn “Real Time” on Friday, Bill Maher made one last appeal to undecided voters, or as he called them, “the Christmas Eve shoppers of politics — they know the big day is coming, but they just can’t get themselves to do anything about it until the last minute.”“The phrase I hear so much that makes me just want to un-alive myself is, ‘How’s she going to help me?’ Like the president is your personal genie. It’s Kamala, not ‘Kazam.’” — BILL MAHER“And so, dear Christmas Eve voter, I say to you: Things aren’t that bad, but they might get a hell of a lot worse under the rule of a mad king. Do I love everything about Kamala? No. Who told you you get to love everything? Do I wish she came up with a better reason to be president than ‘I’m not Trump’? Yeah, it would have been very helpful. But let’s not forget, ‘I’m not Trump’ is still a really great reason.” — BILL MAHER“But things look so good for Trump, Democrats have already impeached him.” — GREG GUTFELD“The Harris campaign is cautioning against getting too excited. Too late! I have to be excited because I’ve only got two other choices: absolute terror or Absolut vodka.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If you see someone in the fetal position drenched in sweat, they either just ran the New York City Marathon or they’re waiting for tomorrow’s election.” — JIMMY FALLON“Look, I love this country. I’m an immigrant — I chose to be here. In the words of the late Lee Greenwood, I’m proud to be an American. And I’d argue there is nothing more American than having a healthy adversarial relationship with those in power, even if you voted for them.” — JOHN OLIVERWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More