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      Jimmy Kimmel Pokes Fun at Trump’s Paper Straw Ban

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      “Listen, the fact of the matter is Trump loves plastic,” Kimmel said. “Most of his wives are made of plastic.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Most Important Stuff’On Tuesday, Jimmy Kimmel noted that President Trump had been signing a flurry of executive orders, often on TV. “It’s like the Jerry Lewis telethon with this guy,” he said. One presidential edict canceled a government effort to replace plastic straws with paper ones. “All day, reporters in there — he’s taking questions, having meetings, he’s tackling all the most important stuff. He did the same thing yesterday, all day. He canceled the penny, he changed the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America, and he finally got tough on paper straws.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course, the reason we switched to those admittedly terrible paper straws in the first place is because plastic straws wind up in the ocean, and they kill marine life, which I guess is another argument Trump, a well-known hater of sharks, doesn’t buy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That degree in marine biology is really coming in handy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Listen, the fact of the matter is Trump loves plastic. Most of his wives are made of plastic.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Remember when Trump said he would make the day after the Super Bowl a national holiday? When is that executive order coming down the pike? Let’s whip out that fat little presidential Sharpie and deliver on what might be the only good thing you ever do. Do it.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Brotherly Love Edition)“The Philadelphia Eagles are set to hold their Super Bowl victory parade this week on Valentine’s Day in what’s being called the ultimate test for Philadelphia boyfriends. ‘[Imitating Philadelphia Eagles fan:] Babe, what if I go for just an hour or so?’” — SETH MEYERS“It’s also Valentine’s Day, so while couples will be enjoying an edible arrangement, Eagles fans will be enjoying an arrangement of edibles.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, that’s right, the Eagles’ parade is this Friday. It’s great for fans ’cause there’s no work the next day, but bad because they can’t see a judge till Monday.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJesse Eisenberg discussed his film “A Real Pain” on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightJon Hamm will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutSandra Bezic, Carolyn Taylor and Kurt Browning hit the ice in “I Have Nothing.”PeacockThe Canadian comedian Carolyn Tyler tries to fulfill a lifelong dream by choreographing a figure skating routine in “I Have Nothing,” a new six-part series on Peacock. More

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      John Oliver Interrupts Jon Stewart’s Monologue on ‘The Daily Show’

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      The British host of “Last Week Tonight” said he wanted to be “the first to welcome America to its monarchy era.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Monarchy in the U.S.A.The British comedian, “Daily Show” alumnus and “Last Week Tonight” host John Oliver crashed Jon Stewart’s monologue on Monday.“Are you here to offer America your wisdom and counsel?” Stewart asked.“Oh, no, no, no, no, Jon — I’m here to gloat!” Oliver said.“America had its little fun, didn’t you, experimenting with democracy? You fought so hard to get away from us — acting up, throwing all that tea into the harbor. You still owe us for that, by the way.” — JOHN OLIVER“The point is, you told everybody that you were going to be different. You weren’t going to turn out like your mean old dad who was so horrible to you when you were growing up. So we sat back, we let you spend your wild teen years experimenting with your ridiculous ideas of checks and balances, because deep down, we knew that once you got that nonsense out of your system, you’d be back. In fact, if I may sing from ‘Hamilton.’” [sounds pitch pipe] — JOHN OLIVER“What I’m saying is, let me be the first to welcome America to its monarchy era. Congratulations, everyone, you can now take your place in the pantheon of great empires alongside the British, the Roman, the Klingon, Wakanda, whatever one Babar the elephant was the ruler of, I forget.” — JOHN OLIVER“What I’m saying is, don’t fight being a monarchy, Jon, embrace it. Kings get [expletive] done. Now, is it stuff that you want done? Not necessarily. But they do move quick! They taste cumin at lunch, and they’ve taken over an entire continent by dinner time. That is how the British rolls, Jon. [Expletive] everyone else. They’re not like us. In fact, if I may sing a line from Mr. Kendrick Lamar.” [sounds pitch pipe] — JOHN OLIVERStewart pushed back against “Ambassador Oliver,” saying that the imperial model may not suit America: “Not to be shortsighted, but, spoiler alert, John, things didn’t end up so great for the British Empire.”“We are technically between empires at the moment, but we’re keeping our castles warm and our crowns bejeweled for the day that we get back onto our feet.” — JOHN OLIVER“Have you seen anything America has done over the last 50 years? Because for a country that doesn’t want to be an empire, you’re doing a pretty [expletive] good impression of one right now: invasions, economic exploitations, and now, suggesting turning Gaza into a beachfront casino? Even King George would have been, like, ‘I don’t know, guys. Feels like the situation’s a bit more complicated than that, and I’m literally dying of medieval brain disease.’” — JOHN OLIVER“This shouldn’t be a sad time. The arc of history is so long it eventually becomes a circle, and you end up right where you started. You might even call it the circle of life. In fact, if I may sing the great imperial subject Sir Elton John’s opening Zulu chant from ‘The Lion King.’”[sounds pitch pipe] — JOHN OLIVERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Less-Than-Super Bowl Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Has Doubts About Trump’s Religious Convictions

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      According to Kimmel, “MAGA Teresa” only attended the National Prayer Breakfast “because he doesn’t like it when people worship anyone other than him.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Put a Shirt On’President Trump attended the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington on Thursday. Jimmy Kimmel, who called him “MAGA Teresa,” said he only showed up “because he doesn’t like it when people worship anyone other than him.”“He covered a lot of subjects. He bragged about deporting immigrants, his war on diversity, fighting ‘transgenders’ — all the sacred teachings of Jesus.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“President Trump spoke today at the National Prayer Breakfast, in case you needed more proof that those don’t work.” — SETH MEYERS“While speaking today at the National Prayer Breakfast, President Trump said, ‘None of us knows exactly when our time on Earth will be over.’ I don’t know, I’m thinking whenever R.F.K. Jr. gets confirmed.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump also told the audience we need to bring religion back, and who better to bring it back than the guy who sells ‘God Bless the U.S.A.’ bibles for $59.99.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of all the unbelievable things about Donald Trump, religious people believing he is also a religious person might be the toughest one to understand.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Honestly, if Trump met Jesus, he’d call him a loser, he’d tell him to get a haircut and put a shirt on.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Super Bowl LIX Edition)“Super Bowl Sunday, also known as ‘Get Drunk in a Friend of a Friend’s Weird Living Room Day,’ is imminent. Hope everyone has their friendship bracelets picked out.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, between the game and the commercials, it’s going to be four straight hours of Patrick Mahomes on TV.” — JIMMY FALLON“Donald Trump will be there at the game. He said — this is fun — he said he’s going to let Elon pick the winner this year.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He will make history as the first sitting president to go to the Super Bowl. I think the reason Trump’s going to the Super Bowl, he can’t stand to have even one day where he’s on TV less than Taylor Swift.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Taylor Swift will also be in attendance to support her boyfriend, the Chiefs’ superstar tight end, Taylor Swift’s boyfriend.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I saw that this year’s Super Bowl will be watched in 180 countries. Yeah, well, 179 if we take over Canada by Saturday.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe Oscar-winning actor Ke Huy Quan discussed his new role in the film “Love Hurts” on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutIn a new installment of the franchise, Smurfette and the other Smurfs leave their village for an adventure in the live-action world.Paramount PicturesA trailer for the upcoming “Smurfs” movie features Rihanna, who’ll be the voice of Smurfette. More

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      Late Night Weighs In on the ‘World’s Dumbest Trade War’

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      Jimmy Kimmel thinks President Trump decided not to impose tariffs on Mexico because he saw the guacamole bill for his Super Bowl party.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Tariff ManPresident Trump announced new tariffs on Canada and Mexico over the weekend but agreed to pause them for 30 days on Monday.Jimmy Kimmel called Trump’s tariffs “fake,” saying he was “pretending to issue tariffs so that Canada and Mexico can pretend to bend over for him, and then it’ll look like he’s the big hero.”“He’s like a toddler negotiating nap time with his parents.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“People are wondering why Trump would start a war with our closest allies, and he was like, ‘I didn’t say anything about Russia and North Korea.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Maybe it’s the New Yorker in me, but the last people you want to upset are your upstairs and downstairs neighbors.” — JIMMY FALLON“So now, we have a one-month cease-fire in what some liberal rag called The Wall Street Journal described as ‘the dumbest trade war in history.’ To which the Dallas Mavericks said, ‘Hold my Luka Dončić.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But you do have to hand it to him. Starting the ‘world’s dumbest trade war’ is an accomplishment to add to a very long list: first of all, world’s dumbest trade war, world’s dumbest Covid response, world’s dumbest climate policy, world’s dumbest hurricane map, world’s dumbest election interference, world’s dumbest wildfire response, world’s dumbest crowd size comparison, world’s dumbest insurrection, and world’s dumbest Eric. He’s like the Michael Phelps of the world’s dumbest stuff.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“No American wakes up saying, ‘Damn Canada. We should really go after Canada.’ I mean, except for Kendrick Lamar. That dude has it out for Canadian rap.” — SETH MEYERS“I just hope cooler heads prevail and the countries involved in this dumb trade war can all get back to selling each other crap as soon as possible.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tequila Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Time Magazine’s Person of the Year Doesn’t Surprise Late Night

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      “Trump is the first man in history to be Time’s person of the year and McDonald’s employee of the month,” Jimmy Fallon said on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘America’s Main Character’Time magazine has named President-elect Donald Trump as its person of the year for 2024.“Trump is the first man in history to be Time’s person of the year and McDonald’s employee of the month,” Jimmy Fallon said. “History is being made!”“Trump said the honor feels just as exciting as the birth of his child, except he was present for the award.” — JIMMY FALLON“So it’s the second time he’s had the honor, with the first coming after his presidential win in 2016. That was also the same week Hillary Clinton canceled her subscription and smashed her server with a hammer.” — DANA PERINO, guest host of “Gutfeld!”“The editorial board mentioned Trump’s historic comeback, his impact on global politics and how we increased his votes from Blacks, Latinos and people named Biden.” — DANA PERINO“The difference: In 2016, the cover called him ‘President of the divided states of America.’ This year, it’s simply his name, even though there was plenty of room for ‘Cry harder, losers.’” — DANA PERINO“Now, obviously, Donald Trump is the person of the year. At this point, he’s basically America’s main character.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Sadly, there’s no one left to roll it up and spank him with it. Maybe Elon will do it for him, I don’t know.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“According to the Time website, the person of the year is bestowed upon ‘a person, group, or concept that had the biggest impact for good or for ill.’ Which, that’s him, all right. It was a no-brainer in every sense of the word.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“By the way, just to put Trump’s Time cover in context, it’s not exactly a mark of greatness. The president who currently holds the record for the most Time magazine covers, it isn’t a universally beloved one, like F.D.R., J.F.K. or George Washington. Not because Time wasn’t around in the 1700s, but because Washington was more of a People magazine time of guy.” — SETH MEYERS“But I guess once again, Time has not been kind to Joe Biden.” — MICHAEL KOSTAThe Punchiest Punchlines (Clemency For Christmas Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Best Comedy of 2024: Nikki Glaser, Ronny Chieng,’ ‘English Teacher’ and More

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      Jon Stewart made “The Daily Show” must-see TV again, Theo Von had a memorable moment with Donald Trump, and Nikki Glaser broke through.Joe Rogan jumped to the front of the conservative media establishment. Netflix went in deeper on live comedy, while Disney entered the stand-up market. Katt Williams beefed even more than Kendrick Lamar and Drake. John Mulaney and Taylor Tomlinson became talk show hosts. It was an eventful year in comedy. Here are some highlights.Comedian of the YearNikki GlaserIn 2024, the stalwart comic Nikki Glaser finally broke big. The flashiest examples were her scene-stealing Tom Brady roast set and getting tapped to host the Golden Globes. But her new HBO hour provided more substance. Wearing a glittering dress and a strategic smile, she performs showbiz cheer, but underneath that shimmering facade is not just an ace club comic, but a restless artist exploring darker terrain. Glaser gets underestimated because she’s filthy. But she can go high as well as low, cover universal subjects and meta comedy analysis, do hilarious character work (look out Instagram moms) and brainy jokes. This relentlessly funny hour is bleaker than it looks, digging into suicide, rape and the apocalypse, and in a year when it seemed like everyone had a comic take on why you shouldn’t have kids, hers was the funniest.BEST SPECIAL‘Ronny Chieng: Love to Hate It’Ronny Chieng has always been an inspired hater. His intricately funny bits have long applied a spiky intelligence and distinctive jackhammer delivery to the zeitgeist. His very funny new hour represents a departure and a maturation. It has his characteristic social commentary, which feels timely even though it was shot before the election, but what makes this his best is that it also hits more personal notes, getting introspective without losing its fiery comic momentum.BEST STAND-UP ACTING‘English Teacher’Brian Jordan Alvarez in “English Teacher.”Steve Swisher/FXSo many shows are hurt by casting stiff stand-ups instead of funny actors, but not this one. Its comedians (Carmen Christopher, Langston Kerman) all shine, but the real standout is Sean Patton, a terminally underrated comic whose turn as a crude, if unexpectedly sensitive, gym teacher provides the beating heart of the show.BEST POLITICAL SPECIAL‘Ramy Youssef: More Feelings’The first time I thought the Democrats might lose the White House this year was after seeing Ramy Youssef talk about feeling abandoned by the party at a Brooklyn show early this year. His moody and thought-provoking hour arrived during the heat of the protests over the war in Gaza and engages with its raging politics without having his wry, minor-key sensibility pushed aside. It was a righteous and assured hour that expressed itself not through blunt polemic but elusiveness, metaphor and argument.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Seth Meyers Wishes You a Happy Frozen-Pizza Thanksgiving

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      Meyers tried out a few catchphrases for DiGiorno’s seasonal offering, while Jimmy Fallon suggested some last-minute Turkey Day substitutions.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.It’s Not Delivery, It’s …Seth Meyers tried out several catchphrases for DiGiorno’s frozen Thanksgiving pizza, which features roasted turkey, green beans, cranberries and gravy.“Because some years, Dad gets the kids on Thanksgiving,” Meyers offered.“But don’t worry: I’m sure next year you’ll have something to be thankful for.” — SETH MEYERSFor those going the more traditional route, Jimmy Fallon had a few suggestions for last-minute Turkey Day substitutions on “The Tonight Show.”“For instance, if you can’t find a turkey, you can slap two booties on a Costco rotisserie chicken,” Fallon said.“If you can’t find wine, you can bust out the expired Robitussin — it works!” — JIMMY FALLON“If you can’t find a gravy boat, get this, you can run your neti pot through the dishwasher and call it a day.” — JIMMY FALLON“Next up, if you can’t find mashed potatoes, corn, and mac and cheese, you can DoorDash Boston Market, then put a finger to the delivery guy’s lips and whisper, ‘Our little secret.’” — JIMMY FALLON“And, finally, if you can’t find salad, you can forget about it, ’cause nobody really wants salad.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Black Friday Eve Edition)“Yep, Thanksgiving is just hours away. Right now, people are looking at the turkeys left in the grocery store, like, ‘What’s wrong with you?’” — JIMMY FALLON“I read that Abraham Lincoln declared Thanksgiving an official holiday in 1863. During the Civil War, Lincoln saw all the fighting and was like, ‘This, but with cranberry sauce.’” — JIMMY FALLON“A record number of Americans are traveling for Thanksgiving, and today was expected to be the busiest travel day of the year. But here’s the good news: If you’re currently at the airport, you will make it home for Christmas.” — JIMMY FALLON“Bargain hunters are gearing up for Black Friday. In fact, right now at Walmart, there’s already a half-hour wait to get trampled to death.” — TOM SHILLUE, guest host of “Gutfeld”“Organizers have announced that Amazon workers in more than 20 countries are planning to go on strike between Black Friday and Cyber Monday, which could affect Amazon’s ability to get your Christmas gifts to you two weeks late.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingBen Stiller and Katie Holmes played a game of “Catchphrase” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe Meyers family will appear on Seth Meyers’s Thanksgiving episode of “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutDaniel Craig, left, and Drew Starkey in “Queer.” Yannis Drakoulidis/A24Daniel Craig is sensitive and seductive in “Queer,” Luca Guadagnino’s feature film adaptation of the William S. Burroughs novella. More