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      Stephen Colbert Is Proud to Upset Joseph Biggs of the Proud Boys

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      The lawyer for the Jan. 6 defendant said his client can’t get a fair trial based on “negative” media coverage by the likes of “The Late Show.” “I feel so seen,” Colbert said. “You hate me, you really hate me!”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Proud to Be BadThe lawyer for Joseph Biggs, a Jan. 6 defendant and Proud Boys leader, argued that his client cannot receive a fair trial in the United States, due in part to “increased and unquestionably spectacular 24/7 negative press and media coverage” of the group, specifically citing Stephen Colbert and “The Late Show.”“You know, ladies and gentlemen, I do a lot of jokes about these violent fascists, but to hear that even one of them noticed?” Colbert said on Wednesday, pretending to choke up. “I feel so seen. You hate me, you really hate me!”“Biggs’ attorney argues that they need to move his trial because shows like mine ‘continue to saturate the jury pool of media-obsessive Washington D.C.’ They want to move the trial to someplace where the Proud Boys have a better reputation, like 1930s Berlin.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, after we got the shoutout, the article says Newsweek contacted Colbert’s representatives for comment: [imitating Newsweek reporter] ‘Well, Mr. Colbert, do you have a comment?’ Why, thank you, Steve, I do. ‘Want to share it with the people?’ Certainly. while this is a very high-profile case, in our system of justice, the accused is innocent until proven guilty. So I want everyone in the potential jury pool to hear me when I say, ‘You are going to jail, you neo-numbnut! And if you don’t like it — and if you don’t like it, you can come and get me. My name is Joe Scarborough, and I love coffee! Welcome to the monkey house, brother.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Love, Joe Edition)“According to a new poll, President Biden’s approval rating is at 40 percent. Meaning that his approval rating is the only thing inflation hasn’t touched.” — SETH MEYERS“President Biden sent a letter today to oil companies and called on them to produce more in order to alleviate high prices. So if you needed more proof that he’s an old man, he still thinks you can get things done with a letter.” — SETH MEYERS“Mr. President, I think we’re past the pen pal stage.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The K-pop group BTS announced yesterday that they are going on an indefinite hiatus. Said President Biden, ‘Aw man, they’re gonna blame me for this, too!’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingFormer President Bill Clinton sat down to talk about gun violence with James Corden on Wednesday night’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe hip-hop artist 070 Shake will perform on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutRaphaelle MacaronLeïla Slimani, winner of the Goncourt Prize, France’s top literary award, describes her Paris and recommends books that reveal hidden facets of the city. More

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      Late Night Blames It on the Alcohol

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      Rudy Giuliani’s intoxication on election night was the focus of Monday’s Jan. 6 hearings and late-night monologues.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.How Could They Tell?During the House committee hearing Monday on the Jan. 6 assault on the Capitol, Jason Miller, former aide to Donald Trump, told the panel that Rudy Giuliani was “definitely intoxicated” on election night when he told the former president that the election had been stolen.“You know, when you think about it, it makes sense that Trump would listen to a drunk person, because that’s the one time people probably sound like him,” Trevor Noah said.“The House committee investigating the Capitol attack today held its second public hearing. They weren’t going to, but then Rudy Giuliani said, ‘Make it a double!’” — SETH MEYERS“So we’re just going to blame this entire thing on the alcohol?” — JAMES CORDEN“Yeah, according to a former Trump aide, Rudy Giuliani was wasted on election night when he told Trump that the election was stolen from him. And I am just curious about how you even know when Rudy Giuliani is drunk. No, because when a normal person is drunk, they say crazy things, they yell, they sweat a lot. So how does that work with Rudy — does it work in reverse? Does he start talking normally, his hair dye sucks back into his hair? How does it work?” — TREVOR NOAH“They were all telling him, ‘You lost this election, sir,’ but Trump was like: ‘Yeah, yeah, whatever. Drunk vampire, what do you think?’” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s a bit of a leading question. They followed up by asking, ‘Do you notice anyone that night who was maybe farting while leaking hair dye and ranting in front of a dildo shop? Anyone like that? Could be anyone. Take your time — think back.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on Miller’s being asked if anyone was drunk on election night.“It’s so funny to me how in all these depositions, Trump aides are all hemming and hawing, pausing and taking their time to use the most precise legal language possible because they’re under oath, but then as soon as someone asks, ‘Was anyone drunk at the White House?’ they all immediately buzz in like the overeager uncle on ‘Family Feud’: ‘Rudy! It was Rudy!’” — SETH MEYERS“Let me help you out here. There are five levels of intoxication on the Rudy breathalyzer: over the legal limit, rooting around the dumpster for empties, rooting around in his pants in ‘Borat,’ planning coup in a blackout and ‘The Masked Singer.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I can’t believe this. A drunk Rudy Giuliani told Trump to claim he won the election. And then he said, ‘I love you, man’ six times and dropped his phone in the toilet.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Reality Show Ratings Edition)“Today was Episode 2 of the hot new reality show ‘The Jan. 6 Committee Hearings.’ We’re all waiting to find out if the former president gets to go to the fantasy suite with Lady Justice. She’s blind, so he’s got a shot.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Episode 1 was a huge hit, because at least 20 million people watched Thursday’s hearing. We were live, OK? That’s the kind of audience usually reserved for ‘Sunday Night Football.’ Makes sense because Thursday’s hearing featured even more guys with brain damage.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“For the first hearing on Thursday, over 20 million people tuned in, which is higher than this year’s N.B.A. finals. Trump was torn — he didn’t know whether to worry about the hearing or brag about the ratings.” — JIMMY FALLON“Fox News today also aired coverage of the House Jan. 6 committee’s second hearing. Said viewers: ‘Babe! I’m on TV!’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth Watching“Jimmy Kimmel Live” hosted another segment of “Mean Tweets” featuring N.B.A. players like Andre Drummond and Russell Westbrook on Monday’s show.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightBonnie Raitt will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJennifer Hudson accepting a Grammy in 2009.Lucy Nicholson/ReutersJennifer Hudson, a producer of “A Strange Loop,” became an EGOT on Sunday when the musical won big at this year’s Tony Awards. More

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      Stephen Colbert Recaps Jan. 6 Hearings’ ‘Episode One’

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      He called the prime time congressional hearings “this summer’s most compelling drama.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The First EpisodeLate night hosts weighed in on the first Jan. 6 hearing on Thursday night, or as Stephen Colbert referred to it, “Episode One of this summer’s most compelling drama.”“It’s like ‘Stranger Things’ — we met the monster years ago, and we’re pretty sure the Russians are involved.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, guys, we had a great lead-in tonight. We’re following the Jan. 6 hearing, so, you guys ready for some comedy?” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, earlier tonight, Congress held the first public hearing on the Jan. 6 attack, and it aired in prime time across all major networks. Yep. The footage is rough to get through. Right after the hearing, I watched an episode of ‘Dateline’ just to lighten the mood.” — JIMMY FALLON“Five minutes in, even Mike Pence was like, ‘I’ve had enough — let’s see what’s happening on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race.’” — JIMMY FALLON“After two hours of documentary evidence and testimony, we learned that this insurrectionist conspiracy was, like everything else associated with that last administration, exactly what you thought, but worse than you could have imagined. The next episode drops on Monday morning, and to quote the former president, ‘Be there. Will be wild.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad News Edition)“It was such a juicy burger that Fox News knew that even their viewers would be tempted to take a bite, which is why — and this is true — for the first hour of his show opposite the hearings, Tucker Carlson took no commercial breaks. Do you understand what that means? Fox News is willing to lose money to keep their viewers from flipping over and accidentally learning information.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, the Jan. 6 committee aired a 90-minute hearing tonight, which was carried live by all the major news networks except Fox News. Though Fox ended up with better ratings by just airing the original Capitol attack.” — SETH MEYERS“Instead, they’re showing reruns of Jan. 6 with a laugh track.” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course Fox isn’t airing it — they’re a key suspect in it. They would be — that would be like if Court TV’s coverage of the O.J. trial had been hosted by O.J.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee took Republicans to task for the gun violence epidemic on this week’s “Full Frontal.”Also, Check This OutMembers of the Jane Collective, an activist group that helped provide safe abortions in the years before Roe v. Wade.HBOHBO’s new documentary “The Janes” spotlights the women activists who banded together to form Jane, a clandestine group providing safe abortions in the years before Roe v. Wade. More

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      Are Jan. 6 Hearings Flashy Enough for Prime Time? Late Night Isn’t Sure.

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      “Hanging over the hearings is one question that could define the future of our republic: Who cares?” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Are You Still Watching?The Jan. 6 committee hearings will be televised beginning Thursday night, but late night hosts wondered if Americans would pay proper attention.“Hanging over the hearings is one question that could define the future of our republic: Who cares?” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday.“Yeah, it doesn’t have to look like ‘Top Gun,’ but just in case, they’re going to have Adam Schiff and Jamie Raskin play hot shirtless volleyball.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What they need to do, you want people to watch in America, is you have to spice things up. You know, have a kiss cam going for the witnesses. Yeah, get Shakira to do a halftime show.” — TREVOR NOAH“Americans like entertainment; Congress wants Americans to pay attention to politics. Those two don’t mix. But there is one person who can make political machinations interesting for the masses; there is only one man: Lin-Manuel Miranda.” — TREVOR NOAH“You know who is going to be torn about the coverage of this? Donald Trump. Yeah, ’cuz think about it: On the one hand, he doesn’t want anyone to know what he did on Jan. 6, but on the other hand, you know he would love his hearings to get the highest ratings of all time. You know it. He’s going to be out there like [imitating Trump] ‘Don’t watch the hearings, folks. The fake news is saying I overthrew the government, which I didn’t do. But it was the biggest overthrow of all time, but I didn’t do it.’” — TREVOR NOAH“In other political news, tomorrow night, the Jan. 6 committee will hold a special prime time hearing, which will air live on all the broadcast networks, and it’s being produced by a former ABC executive. And even more exciting, the halftime show will be performed by Imagine Dragons featuring Congresswoman Liz Cheney.” — JAMES CORDEN“The hearing is being produced by a former ABC executive, which is why it’s being marketed as, ‘Extreme Takeover: Capitol Building Edition.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fox News Stays on Brand Edition)“Fox News announced this week that it will not air carry live coverage of Congress’s prime time hearings over the Capitol attack. To focus on more important news like, ‘Would it kill Mulan to wear a dress?’” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, they’re going to be spending all night talking about the real culprit: [imitating Tucker Carlson] ‘Why is nobody talking about how Congress has too many doors? If there was only one door in and out, this never would have happened. The crowd would have peacefully dispersed after hanging Mike Pence, huh?’ ” — TREVOR NOAH“Fox, by the way, has decided not to carry the hearings about Jan. 6 on their news network tomorrow night. Instead, they will show their new special, ‘Tucker Carlson presents: A Racist Cat Meows Confederate Battle Hymns.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It doesn’t surprise me that Fox isn’t airing the hearings. Fox is news the same way ‘The Kardashians’ is reality. Just once, I’d love to see an actual reality TV show, something called, I don’t know, ‘A Man Quietly Eating a Cinnabon Because He Missed His Connection at LaGuardia.’” — SETH MEYERS“It’s not a surprise, because Fox constantly says the opposite of what the hearings will say. The committee will lay out the truth of what happened, and Fox will lie. It’s that simple. The hearings will say Jan. 6 was a violent insurrection fomented by an outgoing president who nearly pulled off a detailed plan for an attempted coup to unlawfully cling to power that would have installed him as an unelected autocrat and destroyed American democracy. And Fox will say it was just a pro-freedom, patriot party where everyone peacefully toured the Capitol like they were on a school field trip, having to find items their teachers gave them on a worksheet.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingPresident Biden sat down with Jimmy Kimmel for a lengthy conversation about the modern Republican Party, gas prices and gun violence, among other things.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightDemi Lovato will appear on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJuancho Hernangómez, left, and Adam Sandler in “Hustle.”Scott Yamano/NetflixAdam Sandler and Juancho Hernangómez, a Utah Jazz player, star in “Hustle,” a crowd-pleaser about the N.B.A. draft. More

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      Stephen Colbert Will Go Live After Jan. 6 Hearings

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      “They are destined to go down in the annals of live TV like the Watergate hearings, the moon landing, and the time Walter Cronkite was swallowed by a python,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not Too ProudStephen Colbert announced that “The Late Show” will go live on Thursday night after the prime-time Jan. 6 committee hearings.“They are destined to go down in the annals of live TV,” Colbert said on Tuesday, “like the Watergate hearings, the moon landing, and the time Walter Cronkite was swallowed by a python.”“Now, here’s the deal: all the major news outfits — CBS, NBC, ABC, MSNBC, CNN — will be covering the hearings live, while the Fox News Channel will stay with its usual prime-time lineup. Well, that’s actually good. No, it’s actually good. We’ll hear directly from the people who planned the coup.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Proud Boys are going to be prominently featured during the live hearings on Thursday, because the committee intends to present live testimony from a British documentarian who was filming the group, with their permission, during the riot. Why do you let a film crew follow you while you commit treason? Well, same reason Benedict Arnold commissioned that painting of him handing over the plans.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’ve got to tell you, seeing those guys arrested makes this boy proud.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, if you’re not familiar with the Proud Boys, that sounds lovely. But as a refresher, they’re a far-right, anti-immigrant, all-male group who take their name from an obscure show tune from the Disney musical ‘Aladdin’ entitled ‘Proud of Your Boy.’ It was actually their second Disney song choice. Originally, they were the Supercalifragilisticexpiali-douchebags.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Going to the Dogs Edition)“According to a new study, dogs are more effective at detecting Covid than rapid tests. I’m glad we’ve reached the point in the pandemic where the C.D.C. is like, ‘I don’t know, dogs?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Knowing the C.D.C., in two days, they’re going to be like, ‘Never mind, it’s actually rabbits, I’m sorry.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, I have no idea what’s going on. Today, I saw Sarah McLachlan snuggling a person with Covid asking pets to help.” — JIMMY FALLON“Here’s how it works with dogs: If you have symptoms, they sniff your crotch. One hump — one hump means you’re negative, two humps means you’re positive.” — JIMMY FALLON“Apparently, dogs are better at detecting Covid than rapid tests, which explains now when you take an at-home test, the instructions look a little different. Yeah, now the steps are: ‘One, open package. Two, remove at-home Covid test. Three, walk and feed at-home Covid test.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers went day drinking with Post Malone on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About Wednesday NightPresident Biden will visit “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Wednesday.Also, Check This OutCustomers in Bookmongers of Brixton, a book store in London. Apps have struggled to reproduce the kind of real-world serendipity that puts a book in a reader’s hand.Tom Jamieson for The New York TimesNew apps like Tertulia are helping avid readers discover new books. More

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      Late Night Anticipates Jan. 6 Hearings

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      Late-night hosts poked fun at Louie Gohmert, the Republican congressman who complained about not being able to lie to the F.B.I. about Jan. 6.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Louie Lou-lieThe Jan. 6 committee hearings will be televised beginning this Thursday — or, as Stephen Colbert referred to it, “America’s Got Treason.”On Monday, late-night hosts poked fun at Louie Gohmert, the Republican congressman from Texas who spoke out against the indictment of former Trump adviser Peter Navarro by complaining Republicans can’t lie to Congress or the F.B.I.“Gohmert is upset because some of his fellow Republicans are getting hit with contempt charges for refusing to cooperate with the committee investigating the insurrection on Jan. 6, and what he’s upset is they’re not even allowed to lie about it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At least he’s not lying about how upset he is about not being allowed to lie, I guess. Small victory.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This statement used to be the kind of thing that could ruin a person’s political career, but now that we’ve been MAGA-tized it barely even makes a dent.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“[imitating Gohmert] Nowadays you can’t even lie to Congress or lie to the F.B.I. or hot wire a car, then drive that car to a bank and grab all the money at gunpoint, then head to the nearest zoo to throw rocks at the pandas? There’s a two-tiered justice system: one tier for people who obey the law and a whole different one for people who break the law. How is that fair?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Holo-Grandma’ Edition)“That’s right, Britain marked the queen’s 70-year reign with four days of parades, parties and celebrations. Yeah, four days. Basically, the queen is like your annoying friend who insists on celebrating their birthday month.” — JIMMY FALLON“Lilibet took the throne at age 25, on Feb. 6, 1952. So naturally, the Brits are celebrating her 70th anniversary in June. They were aiming for London’s annual day of sunshine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, 70 years makes it the queen’s Platinum Jubilee, so I believe the traditional gift to give her is Africa.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, the queen celebrated 70 years of sitting on the throne. When he heard, your uncle who does The New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle said, ‘Challenge accepted.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It was a star-studded event with performances from Elton John, Rod Stewart and Ed Sheeran. Yeah, when Ed first walked out, the queen was like, ‘Oh, Harry, you’re back.’” — JIMMY FALLON“During a parade over the weekend honoring her Platinum Jubilee, a hologram of Queen Elizabeth was shown in her Gold State Coach and whatever you think of the queen, her duet with Tupac was amazing.” — SETH MEYERS“Nothing says you’re healthy and doing fine like resorting to technology from Disney’s Haunted Mansion.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The crowd sang ‘God Save the Queen’ as the holo-grandma passed them by. At this point, God must be like, ‘Enough already with the song, I’m doing it. She’s 96 — do you not see me saving the queen?’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingBobby Brown sat down with Trevor Noah on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightTig Notaro will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJoel Kim Booster at Akbar in Los Angeles. He said that before filming of “Fire Island” started, he thought, “This is either going to change my life or it’s going to be the biggest flop of my career.”Michael Tyrone Delaney for The New York Times“Fire Island” star Joel Kim Booster reflects on making the rare romantic comedy that puts gay Asian-American men at its center. More

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      Stephen Colbert Waxes Nostalgic About George W. Bush

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      “Dubya and I had so many good times together back at the old ‘Colbert Report,’” he said. “I made so much fun of him, and he gave me so many reasons to do that.” Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Back to the FutureDuring a speech in Dallas on Wednesday, former President George W. Bush misspoke while talking about Russia’s war in Ukraine, referring to it as “a wholly unjustified and brutal invasion of Iraq.”On Thursday’s “Late Show,” Stephen Colbert said the slip of the tongue had him feeling “a little nostalgic,” calling Bush “a man who I spent many happy years pretending to like.” (On “The Colbert Report,” his long-running previous show, Colbert assumed the persona of an egotistical conservative TV commentator.)“Dubya and I, for about 10 years, had so many good times together back at the old ‘Colbert Report.’ I made so much fun of him, and he gave he so many reasons to do that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Jiminy Christmas! The one phrase he definitely should never utter for the rest of his life. It’s like he’s thinking about it all the time, and it just popped out.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Oof. That’s like your wife asking if you’re hungry and saying, ‘I could cheat. I mean eat. I could eat with my mistress.’” — SETH MEYERS“I hate when I mix up my unprovoked invasions.” — JAMES CORDEN“Maybe Bush is going to start admitting to everything he’s been holding back: [imitating Bush] ‘Also, I just want to say: My grandkids are the ones who paint the watercolors; Dick Cheney is a Terminator sent from the future; and there are no human-animal hybrids. I saw the Phillie Phanatic with his head off, and I freaked out.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tanking Stock Edition)“Some business news, it’s been a rough couple of months for the economy and I saw that yesterday was the stock market’s worst day in over two years. Yeah, stocks fell so fast, the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling at CNBC.” — JIMMY FALLON“Experts say if this keeps up, every Merrill Lynch office is going to become a Spirit Halloween.” — JIMMY FALLON“Things are so bad, they replaced the stock exchange closing bell with the losing sound from ‘Price is Right.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The Dow took a drubbing after investors were alarmed by disappointing earnings from Target, Walmart and Lowe’s. There’s only one solution: release the strategic reserve of dads running little errands. Go get some batteries, guys! Buy some spackle! The little bucket — the old one’s probably dried out by now. Just putter around the paint aisle and pick out swatches. She says she wants yellow, but you don’t know which one! Remember, satin shine! It should glow, but not glisten, OK? It should have sheen, but not shimmer. So just buy one can of each. Your country needs you!” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingDesus and Mero threw Rihanna a baby shower, with help from the celebrity party planner Karleen Roy and the CBS newscaster Maurice DuBois.Also, Check This OutFrom left, Harry Hadden-Paton, Laura Carmichael, Tuppence Middleton and Allen Leech in “Downton Abbey: A New Era.”Ben Blackall/Focus Features“Downton Abbey: A New Era” is familiar territory for fans missing Lady Mary and company. More

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      Seth Meyers: Madison Cawthorn Is Gone, but Soon Forgotten

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      “Hopefully, he’ll learn his lesson: Next time you get invited to a cocaine orgy, just go,” Meyers joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.UninvitedMadison Cawthorn, a representative from North Carolina, lost his re-election bid in the state’s primary on Tuesday.“Hopefully, he’ll learn his lesson: Next time you get invited to a cocaine orgy, just go,” Seth Meyers joked.“You know, guys, politics is a rough-and-tumble business, and D.C. can be a cruel town. Just when you feel like you’re making headway in Congress, you’re unceremoniously forced out by a cruel and unforgiving system of cutthroats and back stabbers. And that’s exactly what happened last night when one of our nation’s most committed public servants, a camera-shy policy wonk who is laser-focused on serving the greater good, lost his bid for re-election. Oh, wait, I think I read that whole thing wrong. Oh, I read every word wrong. It was just Madison Cawthorn!” — SETH MEYERS“Oh, Madison, you may be gone, but soon you’ll be forgotten. At least now he’ll have more time for his other job, starring as the, I don’t know, bad-boy villain in a CW drama? He looks like he should be next to a locker threatening to tell Pacey about Dawson’s relationship with Joey.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pennsylvania Primary Edition)“The results are in, and America has upheld its proud tradition of not knowing who won.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, as of right now, Dr. Oz is in first place, David McCormick is in second, and the ‘Cash me outside’ girl is in third.” — JIMMY FALLON“Last night, McCormick’s chief strategist tweeted, ‘Based on how many uncounted absentee ballots there are and the margin by which Dave has won them so far, that’s why we are confident of victory,’ while an adviser for Dr. Oz pointed to uncounted ballots in Philadelphia and declared, ‘It’s a jump ball,’ which, I will remind you, is how they eventually decided Bush v. Gore.”— STEPHEN COLBERT“And while Dr. Oz is in the lead for the Republican nomination, more votes have to be counted because the race is still too close to call. This is kind of great. I mean, for once it’s nice to have a doctor waiting for us.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Chip n’ Dale: Rescue Rangers” co-stars John Mulaney and Andy Samberg guest-hosted Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” as the host recovered from a second bout of Covid-19.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJoJo Siwa of “So You Think You Can Dance” will appear on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutBilly Eichner filming a scene for “Bros.” “I’m so excited to finally be able to play a three-dimensional human being,” he said.Nicole Rivelli/Universal Pictures“Bros” is a studio-made rom-com written by and starring gay people that doesn’t recycle straight tropes. More