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      Jimmy Fallon Studies Trump’s Golfless Golf Course Gathering

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      “Yeah, Trump was smart. He was like, ‘How about nine of us meet on the green with no clubs, so it doesn’t look suspicious?’” Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Executive CourseThere’s been speculation about why Donald Trump made an unannounced trip to the Washington area, where he was photographed on a golf course with his son Eric and several other men — none of whom had golf clubs. Jimmy Fallon called it a “very diverse group,” saying “they had polo shirts of every color. ”“Looks like backstage at a fashion show for Marshall’s.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, Trump was smart. He was like, ‘How about nine of us meet on the green with no clubs, so it doesn’t look suspicious?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump was like, ‘So, I think I buried the documents somewhere around here. So start — start digging, boys.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Whatever it was, it must not have been too important because Eric was there, riding up front with Daddy like a big boy.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Emmys Edition)“The Emmy Awards ceremony was held last night. Our show was nominated and, honey, clear some space on the mantle, ‘cause they had snow globes at the airport!” — SETH MEYERS“John Oliver beat us for like the 485th time in a row, and congratulations to John. But I’ll tell you something: Even though we didn’t win last night, it was an honor just to get Covid from those who did win last night.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“As they all are nowadays, this was the lowest-rated Emmys show ever. Only 5.92 million people watched the show on NBC. But that’s not really the whole story — it’s not fair. It was also on Peacock, so when you add in the people who streamed it there, it’s still 5.92 million people.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingEthan Hawke answered the “Colbert Questionert” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe newly minted Emmy winner Quinta Brunson will talk about her big night on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutLee Jung-jae, left, who won the Emmy for best actor in a drama series, and Hwang Dong-hyuk, who was honored for his directing, after an impressive showing for “Squid Game” in Los Angeles on Monday.Aude Guerrucci/ReutersAs “Squid Game” racked up multiple Emmys, it was hailed as the latest example of South Korea’s rise as a cultural powerhouse. More

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      James Corden Pays Tribute to the Queen

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      The British host of “The Late Late Show” called Queen Elizabeth II “a guiding light.” Other hosts went a bit lighter with their commentary.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Long Did She ReignQueen Elizabeth II died on Thursday, after seven decades on the throne. Late night’s British import, James Corden, delivered a joke-free opening segment on “The Late Late Show,” calling the queen “a guiding light; always gracious, always dignified, always a shining example of leadership.”“I, like the rest of the world, am so sad tonight, but also so thankful and grateful to the queen for the most incredible service and leadership she has shown during all of our lifetimes.” — JAMES CORDENThe other hosts went lighter with their commentary on the queen’s lengthy reign.“She was the queen for 70 years, longer than any monarch in British history. To put it in perspective for Americans, this would be like if Kris Jenner died here.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The queen is known as England’s rock. We don’t have a rock. The closest thing we have to a rock in America is The Rock.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But 96 — that’s a pretty good run. I feel like if you die anywhere on the FM radio dial, it’s — you know? My goal is to make it to Hot 97 — or maybe even Power 106, who knows?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“When you think about all the people that the queen has met with over the last 70 years, it’s really remarkable. She’s met with everyone from Lady Bird Johnson to Lady Gaga, from Bill Clinton to Will.i.am. She met J.F.K. and J.Lo. She’s met the Beatles and the Spice Girls. … Then, after all these years, this week she saw Harry Styles spit on Chris Pine and said, ‘OK, I’ve had enough.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“She came to power in 1952. You understand how long that is? That means she’s seen Adam West as Batman, Michael Keaton as Batman, Christian Bale as Batman, Ben Affleck as Batman — survived that — and then Robert Pattinson as Batman. And look, I’m sure there’s a better way to measure time than in Batman, but you get it. She’s been in the game for a minute.”— TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bannon’s Dirty Deeds Edition)“Former Trump strategist Steve Bannon turned himself in to New York authorities today to face state criminal charges. Well, the good news is, I’m positive this man knows how to make toilet wine.” — SETH MEYERS“He has been charged with multiple felonies, including money laundering, which is definitely the first time in Steve Bannon’s life he’s been accused of doing laundry.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This guy doesn’t look like he has $15. Look at him! Millions of dollars? He looks like he sublets from Oscar the Grouch.” — TREVOR NOAH“When the judge asked Bannon how he pleads, he said ‘grimy.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon and Blake Shelton premiered their new football-season-inspired song “I’ll Bring the Ice” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe real Weird Al Yankovic, left, and his movie double, Daniel Radcliffe. “I hope this confuses a lot of people,” the musician said of their biopic.Sinna Nasseri for The New York TimesWeird Al Yankovic and Daniel Radcliffe formed an unlikely bond on the set of “Weird: The Al Yankovic Story.” More

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      Trevor Noah Celebrates a Shocking Victory for Abortion Rights in Kansas

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      “Congratulations, Kansas. It’s moments like these I wish I knew which one of these states you were,” Noah joked on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not in Kansas AnymoreKansas voters rejected a constitutional amendment on Tuesday that would restrict and limit access to abortion rights in the state.“Congratulations, Kansas. It’s moments like these I wish I knew which one of these states you were,” Trevor Noah joked on Wednesday.“And may I remind you, Kansas is a state so bright red, it looks like me after 30 seconds on the beach.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, no one expected this. This was a bigger shock than when Batgirl found out her real nemesis was the C.E.O. of Warner Brothers.” — TREVOR NOAH, referring to a decision to kill a $90 million “Batgirl” movie“Wow, somewhere right now Brett Kavanaugh is angrily chugging a Coors Light tallboy with PJ and Squee.” — SETH MEYERS“And this is where you realize as well the anti-abortion views of right-wing lawmakers and some people on the Supreme Court — they don’t mirror what actual Americans want, right? It’s not accurate. And that’s a huge problem in this country. It’s like letting the craziest dude in your friend group plan your bachelor party. And you’re going to be like ‘I just wanted to play beer pong — how did we end up in a Bangkok prison? Not cool, Samuel.’” — TREVOR NOAH“They also changed their state bird from the western meadowlark to flipping off Sam Alito.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Votes Edition)“So last night was a very good night for Donald ‘Jigglypuff’ Trump. In Michigan, his candidate defeated a Republican who voted to impeach him. In Arizona, his candidates won the primaries for senate and secretary of state, and in Missouri, the Eric he endorsed beat the other Eric that he endorsed. Yeah, it was the best night Trump has had that didn’t end with somebody signing an NDA.” — TREVOR NOAH“Most alarming about the elections is that many of the big winners include several election deniers backed by the former president. Apparently, the majority of Republican voters don’t trust voting, so after they cast their ballots, they got multiple stickers: ‘I voted.’ ‘Or did I?’ ‘Stop the sticker!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And these could have national implications because these Republicans, the ones winning now, they all believe in crazy conspiracy theories about Biden stealing the election in 2020. So if they win the final races, they could end up in charge of counting the votes in 2024. I don’t know about you, but I know for certain I do not trust them with their job.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe stand-up comic Katherine Blanford made her television debut on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightLL Cool J will stop by Thursday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutJennette McCurdy’s relationship with her mother is the narrative force at the center of her memoir.Ahmed Gaber for The New York TimesJennette McCurdy reflects on her time as a child actor and on her troubled relationship with her mother in her new memoir, “I’m Glad My Mom Died.” More

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      Seth Meyers Mocks Trump for His Imaginary Friends

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      Meyers noted that Trump’s speeches frequently have him “whining incessantly about how he’s being treated or repeating some weird lie an imaginary friend supposedly told him.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump and His Imaginary FriendsFormer President Donald Trump over the weekend attended a conservative conference in Tampa, Fla., where he repeated a story to the crowd about a friend who once referred to him as “the most persecuted person in American history.”Seth Meyers pointed out on Monday that Trump’s speeches often have him “whining incessantly about how he’s being treated or repeating some weird lie an imaginary friend supposedly told him.”“I like the idea that this never occurred to Trump until a friend suggested it. Is this where he gets all his ideas? ‘[imitating Trump friend] You know, Donald, I was thinking, your situation kind of reminds me of — well, the Salem witch trials. It’s almost like it’s a hunt — for witches, Donald. You know, like a witch hunt.’” — SETH MEYERS“He just sat back and he thought about it and he came to the conclusion that, yes, his friend was right. I’m sure he was just sitting in his study with a pipe and smoking jacket surrounded by walls of books, comparing himself to other historical examples famous persecuted Americans. ‘[imitating Trump] Let’s see. There’s me, there’s Rosa Parks, there’s Rubin ‘Hurricane’ Carter. I guess out of those three, it’s got to be me — if it’s those three.” — SETH MEYERS“I also love the idea that Trump sat back and thought about it, you know, after he finished conjugating ‘persecuted’: ‘[imitating Trump] Persecuted, persecution. They persecute and I’m the persecutee.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Monkeypox Takes New York Edition)“On Saturday, the W.H.O. declared monkeypox a global health emergency. No, no, W.H.O.! No new health emergencies until you finish your Covid, little mister!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Why? Why! Another global health emergency? No! We just got done with ignoring this pandemic, I don’t know if I can handle another one.” — TREVOR NOAH“The C.D.C. has provided some information on how monkeypox spreads, mainly through direct contact with an infectious rash and bodily fluids, which is why they say, when at all possible, people with monkeypox should handle their own soiled laundry. That C.D.C. report was written by Dr. Mom-who-is-sick-of-this: ‘You’re 23, Jordan! Go to a laundromat!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The reason monkeypox has been upped to emergency status is because it’s spreading faster than the scientists had expected. As of today, New York City alone has logged over 1,000 cases. That is unacceptable. The only disease you should contract in New York is herpes from a subway pole. Welcome to our beautiful city! Touch nothing.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And also, why is New York the epicenter again, huh? Haven’t we been through enough? Hurricane Sandy, coronavirus, the Knicks. No, I’m joking, I’m joking — Sandy wasn’t a complete disaster.” — TREVOR NOAH“Seriously, people, what is it about New York? Why do diseases love it, you know? What is it about this place, outside of the rats and cockroaches and the subways full of feces and pounds of garbage on the sidewalk?’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingToro y Moi performed “Millennium” from his new album “Mahal” on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightSt. Vincent will perform the second night of her weeklong residency on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJoni Mitchell, who has rarely appeared in public in recent years, performed some of her most iconic songs, including an extended guitar solo on “Just Like This Train” from her “Court and Spark” album.Nina WesterveltJoni Mitchell made a surprise appearance at the Newport Folk Festival on Sunday and performed live for the first time in two decades. More

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      Trevor Noah Mocks Joe Biden for That Fist Bump

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      Noah called the president’s choice how to greet Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia “the whitest decision of all time.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.KnuckleheadsPresident Biden’s fist bump with Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia raised eyebrows over the weekend. On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah had a lot of opinions about that moment.“America obsesses about these things: ‘No, don’t look too friendly.’ It’s also funny how President Biden thought it would be better to fist bump Mohammed bin Salman because that seems less friendly than a handshake. That’s the whitest decision of all time.” — TREVOR NOAH“You know what Biden should have done if he didn’t want controversy in this? He should have gone in for the handshake and then given him the ‘Psych!’” — TREVOR NOAH“You know what I really think happened? I think Joe Biden’s team briefed him and they were like, ‘Mr. President, in Saudi Arabia, if you make them mad, and you have, they will chop off your hand. So hide your finger, get in, quick, in and out, in and out. Godspeed, Mr. President.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bennifer Again-if-er Edition)“That’s right, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez reportedly got married over the weekend. Because right now, that’s the only way a Red Sox fan can get a win in the Bronx.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, they got married at a drive-through chapel. You know inflation is bad when even those two are, like, ‘Let’s just do it in Vegas.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The guy who married them was, like, ‘Wow, you two are the best Ben and J. Lo impersonators I’ve ever seen — you’re really good.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Love is real! If they can make it work, there’s hope for every attractive millionaire celebrity couple with a skin-care line.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And as I’m sure you know, the two were engaged years ago, but now they’ve made it official. It’s Bennifer again-i-fer! Or, as I prefer, ‘Jennifer 2: Jen-flecktric Boogaffleck.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingDana Carvey, the guest host on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” brought his famous “Church Lady” impression from “Saturday Night Live” to Monday’s monologue.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightCourtney Barnett, the Australian indie rock artist, will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJoel Kim Booster in his Netflix special “Psychosexual.”Terence Patrick/NetflixSome seasoned stand-ups — Joel Kim Booster, Nikki Glaser, Bill Burr, Fahim Anwar and Cristela Alonzo — have stellar new comedy specials available for streaming this summer. More

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      Stephen Colbert Reflects on This Year in the Supreme Court

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      Colbert referred to the court’s year of bold rulings as “a real roller-coaster ride, in that I am nauseous and scared we’re all going to die.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Environmental HazardThe Supreme Court held the last session of its term on Thursday and announced yet another controversial decision. This time, the court ruled to limit the Environmental Protection Agency’s ability to regulate carbon emissions from power plants.Stephen Colbert referred to the court’s year of bold calls as “a real roller-coaster ride, in that I am nauseous and scared we’re all going to die.”“Today was the final day of the Supreme Court’s current term and I gotta say, thank god. This must be how the Jets feel when halftime finally arrives: [imitating a Jets player] ‘Well, at least we get 15 minutes when they can’t kick our [expletive]!’” — SETH MEYERS“What are you thinking, Supreme Court? It’s the Environmental Protection Agency — if they can’t limit the emissions, then the agency can’t protect the environment. They’re going to have to change what the ‘P’ stands for — maybe ‘Environmental Punch-Dolphins-in-the-Taint Agency.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“With these maniacs in charge, our only hope is that the smokestacks put on a condom.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Supreme Court ruled that the Environmental Protection Agency does not have the authority to protect the environment? So what is their job now?”— TREVOR NOAH“And by the way, by the way, just so you understand, this ruling might not just be about the carbon emissions. A lot of experts believe the logic of today’s ruling makes it harder for the government to regulate anything unless Congress specifically passes a law to do it. Because you see, right now, a lot of regulations are made by agencies, like — like the F.D.A. They will handle food, you know? The C.D.C. with public health; the B.R.B., with ignoring text messages.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, Justice Jackson made history as the first Black woman on the Supreme Court, and the first person to make people cheer for the Supreme Court in the past two weeks.” — JIMMY FALLON“Ketanji Brown Jackson was sworn in today as the Supreme Court’s 116th justice — and then Clarence Thomas dissented against that, too.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Vasectomy Edition)“With contraception in the judicial cross hairs, folks are taking their genitals into their own hands, with men rushing to get vasectomies — and then very slowly walking home from them.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“According to one urologist, before the Supreme Court’s ruling he received four or five vasectomy requests a day. But since the decision, that number has spiked to 12 to 18. Makes sense. The most effective forms of birth control for men are abstinence and vasectomies. They have a similar result, but there’s a vas deferens.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’ve never personally performed a vasectomy, but I’d like to try my very first one on Samuel Alito.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“Following the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, urologists have reportedly seen an uptick in requests for vasectomies. And this is weird — from women: [imitating woman] ‘His name is Dave — I’ll bring him in.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden tried his hand at being the president’s assistant on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutOur list of 12 books to read in July includes a tender coming-of-age memoir by Isaac Fitzgerald, a biography of Vladimir V. Putin and novels from Silvia Moreno-Garcia, Bolu Babalola and Daniel Nieh. More

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      Seth Meyers Calls Out Fox News Hosts for Falling Speechless

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      Meyers said hosts couldn’t “settle on a coherent narrative the way they usually do,” as indicated by a long, awkward pause during a live broadcast about Cassidy Hutchinson’s testimony.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Dead AirCassidy Hutchinson’s testimony continued to be the talk of late night on Wednesday. The former Trump White House aide’s statements on Tuesday were so powerful that Fox News hosts appeared speechless on air, specifically a long, awkward pause during a broadcast with Bret Baier, Sandra Smith and John Roberts.“They couldn’t settle on a coherent narrative the way they usually do,” Meyers said. “They just cycled through a bunch of different lines, from screaming about media bias to claiming everyone knows Trump gets angry to dismissing Hutchinson as a low-level staffer who supposedly had ulterior motives.”“Oof. That’s like when you get in the car with your parents after they took you to a movie that had way more nudity than they were expecting.” — SETH MEYERS“I also like how they all act like the question was for the other person: ‘John, why don’t you go ahead?’” — SETH MEYERS“[imitating Fox News hosts] ‘I’m sorry, are you talking to me John or the cameraman John?’ ‘Sandra, do you want to take this one?’ ‘Oh, sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Why don’t you go ahead, Bret?’ ‘No, no, no, no, no, no. Ladies first.’” — SETH MEYERS“That’s quite the pause. Explains Fox’s new slogan ‘Fair and … indeed, yes, we are still here.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And I just wanna say, hey, John Roberts, way to throw Sandra under the bus! [imitating John Roberts] ‘Sandra, are you still there? Because I sure wish I wasn’t here.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Giuliani 2.0 Edition)“Well, guys, it’s been a tough couple of days for the Giuliani family. First, Rudy Giuliani — I don’t know if you heard this — he claimed that he was assaulted at a grocery store, but security footage showed that it was more of a pat on his back. And then, last night, Rudy’s son Andrew Giuliani lost the Republican primary for New York governor. Yeah. His biggest weakness? Name recognition.” — JIMMY FALLON“It was a tough night for Andrew. He gave his dad a big hug, and then Rudy accused him of assault.” — JIMMY FALLON“Andrew, honey, I hope you know that you lost, not because of your swollen bee sting head, or because you’ve got a smile like a jack-o’-lantern, or because you have zero qualifications. You lost because your last name is now toxic, because your dad had one week after 9/11 when he was considered a hero, but then he blew it when he went [expletive] nuts.” — CHELSEA HANDLER, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“There are so many questions left unanswered. Would Andrew have lost if his dad didn’t try to overthrow democracy from a landscaping store, or sweat gravy during a press conference? We’ll never know.” — CHELSEA HANDLERThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden took “The Late Late Show” this week to London, where John Boyega, Minnie Driver and Sam Smith discussed the best breakup songs on Wednesday night’s show.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightAriana DeBose will sit down with Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutFrom left, Constantine Rousouli, Marla Mindelle and Alex Ellis in “Titanique,” a production that doubles down on “Titanic” and Celine Dion as modern camp icons.Emilio Madrid“Titanique” is a campy reimagining of the blockbuster film set to songs by Celine Dion. More

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      Late Night Reacts to Cassidy Hutchinson’s Damning Trump Testimony

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      “I mean you’ve got to admit, though, fighting your own Secret Service agent is genius on Trump’s part — he’s hitting the one person who can’t hit back,” Trevor Noah said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Go for the JugularThe latest Jan. 6 hearings were called “insane” by late-night hosts several times on Tuesday night, after Cassidy Hutchinson, a Trump aide, testified that the former president hurled his lunch against the wall in anger, lunged at a Secret Service agent and attempted to grab the steering wheel of the presidential limousine so that he could join the rioters at the Capitol.“I, too, was shocked to hear that Trump threw any of his food away. Because let’s be honest, this guy’s taken more selfies with food than some of his kids,” Trevor Noah joked.“And you heard what she said — this wasn’t a one-time thing. Trump was constantly throwing food tantrums. But what’s interesting is she didn’t say ‘flipping the table’; she said ‘flipping the tablecloth.’ So either Trump was an amateur magician, or he wasn’t strong enough to flip a table, so he just did the tablecloth.” — TREVOR NOAH“He went for the throat! When you get into the Secret Service, you know you have to take one for the president, but you never expect to take one from the president: ‘Thank you for your service. Let’s keep this part secret.’”— STEPHEN COLBERT“Always good when you need another Secret Service to protect the Secret Service, you know what I’m saying?”— JIMMY FALLON“Evidently, the former president breaks a lot of dishes, which is why his handlers make sure his meals are served only in bucket or edible bowl.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That is no way to treat the Secret Service — that is how you treat a contestant in the dressing room of the Miss Universe pageant.” — CHELSEA HANDLER, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“Trump fighting to take control of the president’s car like it’s an action movie, only he’s the president and this is real life.” — TREVOR NOAH“I mean you’ve got to admit, though, fighting your own Secret Service agent is genius on Trump’s part — he’s hitting the one person who can’t hit back. Yeah, they can punch back but then they’ve got to jump in front of their own punch.” — TREVOR NOAH“When grabbing the steering wheel didn’t work, he grabbed the car by the [expletive].” — CHELSEA HANDLER“Immediately the agents were like, ‘Who the hell let him out of his car seat?’” — JIMMY FALLON“That is insane, but it is going to make a great season premiere of ‘Kleptocrats in Cars Seizing Power.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Not to victim blame, but this is on the Secret Service, all right? You had four years to Trump-proof that vehicle — you knew who you were dealing with. There should have been a toy steering wheel in the passenger seat the whole time. Just let him think he’s driving and go back to the West Wing anyway.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Killing Me Softly Edition)“Folks, speaking of Jan. 6 plotters, this weekend Rudy Giuliani was assaulted by a grocery store worker on Staten Island. Before I go any further, before I say anything else, let me say that Rudy Giuliani is fine, other than the fact that he remains Rudy Giuliani.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And more importantly, ‘The Late Show’ and ‘The Late Show’ family of producers condemns violence of any kind. You should not go out and lay a finger on the former mayor in any way. First, because it is just wrong, and, second, because you don’t want to get any of that weird Rudy juice on you.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Something tells me this isn’t the first time Rudy has exaggerated the size of something.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“You think that’s what being shot feels like? No wonder you’re not concerned about guns. That wasn’t a slap. That was a Little League coach saying, ‘You’ll get ’em next time.’” — SETH MEYERS“After the video evidence came out, the D.A. released the assailant, who also had the charges against him reduced. They’ve gone from felony assault down to back-tap with intent to ‘Hey!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Rudy remains undaunted. His son, Andrew, and his load-bearing teeth say we don’t have to worry about Rudy because he’s ‘tough as nails.’ And just like nails, he’s always hammered.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingRepresentative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez sat down with Stephen Colbert to discuss Tuesday’s hearing on “The Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSteve Carell will sit down with Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutKurt Russell as Elvis in the 1979 TV movie of the same name.Donaldson Collection/Michael Ochs Archives, via Getty ImagesFrom Kurt Russell to Michael Shannon, some of the best modern actors have taken a crack at portraying Elvis on the screen. More