Meyers, Seth

Subterms

    More stories

    • 100 Shares179 Views

      in Television

      Trevor Noah: Addressing Congress, Zelensky ‘Knew His Audience’

      by

      Ukraine’s president must have researched American history before his speech, said Noah (who speculated about how it “could have gone very wrong”).Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Target AudiencePresident Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine addressed Congress by video link on Wednesday, pleading for more help in his country’s fight against Russia. On “The Daily Show,” Trevor Noah said that “based on his references to American history, it was clear that Zelensky knew his audience.”“Yeah, that’s right, Zelensky brought out all of America’s major moments: ‘I have a dream,’ 9/11, Mount Rushmore. You know he was on Wikipedia last night planning this out: [imitating Zelensky] ‘OK, Pearl Harbor, Boston Tea Party — should I mention Hulk Hogan sex tape, maybe?” — TREVOR NOAH“And by the way, props to him, I mean he knows way more about America than most U.S. senators know about his country. Like, can you imagine how they would sound if they had to give an inspiring speech using Ukrainian history? [imitating U.S. senator] ‘Uh, people of Ukraine, remember the vision of your founder — I want to say Daniel Ukraine?’” — TREVOR NOAH“I’m also impressed that Zelensky was able to dodge so many land mines in his research, because you realize this could have gone very wrong: [imitating Zelensky] ‘And now to 9/11, which as we all know from YouTube was inside job. I see you, Bush.’” — TREVOR NOAH“But Zelensky appealed directly to Congress. He said, ‘We need you right now.’ And Congress was like, ‘Listen, we’d love to help, but we just made daylight saving time permanent and we are wiped out, so.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Zelensky asked America to establish a no-fly zone over Ukraine, which we’re reluctant to do because it could result in nuclear war. But we are willing to wear blue and yellow lapel pins at all the awards shows this month, so that’s something, right?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Standing Ovation Edition)“Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky delivered a virtual address to Congress this morning and received a standing ovation, making him the first comedian to actually deserve one.” — SETH MEYERS“I can say with absolute certainty, that’s the warmest reception anyone has ever received on Zoom.” — SETH MEYERS“You know it is powerful when that many old people jump to their feet. There are knees in that room that were alive during the Roosevelt administration.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He got two standing ovations, which was nice. I think he’d rather get fighter jets, but the standing ovations were good.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was bipartisan. Republicans and Democrats stood for him, which is almost impossible. It’s like getting Kim and Kanye to agree on a day care situation — it’s very difficult.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “The Late Show,” Michael Bublé and Stephen Colbert sang a Canadian sea shanty.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightNormani will perform her new single on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“I think we Americans just love lead characters we can root for,” said Feig, who worked on the American adaptation of “The Office.” “We’re too young as a country to be overly cynical yet.”Todd Midler for The New York TimesThe director Paul Feig returns to television with the small-town mockumentary-style comedy series “Welcome to Flatch.” More

    • 125 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Seth Meyers Skewers Trump for a ‘Looney’ Idea on Russia

      by

      Meyers said the former president’s suggestion that the U.S. paint Chinese flags on planes and bomb Russia was “a slightly stupider version of Bugs Bunny dressing up as a sexy lady to distract Elmer Fudd.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Flag FooleryAt a Republican fund-raiser on Saturday, Donald Trump suggested that the U.S. should paint Chinese flags on F-22 jets and bomb Russia.“Look, we came very close, very close to a world where Trump was still in charge during Russia’s brutal and illegal invasion of Ukraine, which is scary for many reasons,” Seth Meyers said on Monday. “One of which is Trump keeps giving us a glimpse as to how he would have responded, and, as usual, he has that unique Trump blend of being both terrifying and incredibly stupid at the same time.”“Finally, a way to bring stability to the world — a war between Russia and China.” — SETH MEYERS“So, if you’re wondering what Trump has been up to lately, the answer is huffing glue.” — JIMMY FALLON“These are the types of ideas you come up with after you stare at the sun too long.” — JIMMY FALLON“Then Trump said that he would stop Russian tanks by painting a tunnel on the side of a mountain so they slam into it. [Imitating Trump] ‘Meep meep.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He definitely gets his ideas from cartoons. I mean, this is a slightly stupider version of Bugs Bunny dressing up as a sexy lady to distract Elmer Fudd.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Running Out of Gas Edition)“Meanwhile, here in the U.S., a convoy of truckers spent the last two days surfing the Capital Beltway outside D.C. to protest Covid restrictions. Yep, the truckers waited until all the mandates were lifted and gas hit five bucks a gallon.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s a horrible time to be driving as your protest because now they are praying the cops tow them away just to save on gas.” — TREVOR NOAH“This is just sad. American truckers were trying to block traffic, but D.C. already has so much traffic that nobody really noticed they were protesting.” — TREVOR NOAH“And, I mean, let’s be honest — a protest isn’t much good if it is too subtle for people to know it is a protest. Yeah, it’s like if Rosa Parks bravely decided to sit in the middle of the bus — it just wouldn’t be the same.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden was flabbergasted by a moviegoer who released a live bat during a viewing of “The Batman.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightLeslie Jones will sit down with Seth Meyers on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes was recently convicted of four counts of fraud.Photo Illustration by The New York Times; HBO (Elizabeth Holmes)With new limited series like “The Dropout,” “WeCrashed” and “Super Pumped,” television is saturated with ripped-from-the-headlines tales of self-immolating entrepreneurs. More

    • 100 Shares129 Views

      in Television

      Seth Meyers Roasts Ron DeSantis for Berating Teens

      by

      Meyers said Florida’s governor was like “an old man who sees a bunch of innocent teens walking by and screams, ‘Hey, you kids get on my lawn!’”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Front Row SeatFlorida Gov. Ron DeSantis chastised a group of students wearing face masks on Wednesday, saying, “Honestly, it’s not doing anything and we’ve got to stop with this Covid theater.”“How much of a [expletive] do you have to be to yell at a bunch of high school students who are just trying to be safe?” Seth Meyers said. “They’re actually doing the right thing and you’re scolding them for it you’re like an old man who sees a bunch of innocent teens walking by and screams, ‘Hey, you kids get on my lawn!’”“Also, what the hell is Covid theater? Those plays where all the actors have to stand six feet apart? [imitating theatergoer] ‘I just saw the Covid theater production of “Les Mis” — the stage was the size of a football field!’” — SETH MEYERS“Although for people who moved from New York to Florida during the pandemic, that’s the only theater they have left.” — SETH MEYERS“Students like, ‘Somehow you make our principal seem chill.’” — JIMMY FALLON“When the parents asked how their day was, they’re like, ‘I got bullied — by the governor?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Putin’s Punishment Edition)“Ikea has announced it will temporarily pause manufacturing and retail operations in Russia and Belarus due to the invasion of Ukraine, while Ikea in Ukraine is opening their doors to Russian soldiers and hoping they can’t find their way out.” — SETH MEYERS“Ikea said they’ll do whatever it can to throw a useless tiny wrench into Russia’s economy.” — JIMMY FALLON“This will go into effect as soon as they can find that little Allen wrench to take the stores apart.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They’re saying that the shutdown of Ikea could dramatically affect Russia’s supply of flardfulls, dagstorps and gronkulas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And it’s not just business distancing themselves: I read that the International Cat Federation has banned Russian cats from all competition. I’m just going to go ahead and say that’s the biggest news that’s ever come out of the International Cat Federation. Meanwhile, the silence from the International Dog Federation is deafening.” — JIMMY FALLON“I’d be worried about pissing off the cat people. You think Putin is scary? Imagine Carole Baskin!” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Daily Show” correspondent Desi Lydic dug into the “hist-HER-y” of bras on Thursday’s show.Also, Check This OutKia LaBeija’s 2015 work “Eleven” features the artist in her prom dress at her doctor’s office. Kia LaBeija and FotografiskaThe photographer and performer Kia LaBeija, who was born H.I.V. positive in 1990, documents her life in an autobiographical show at Fotografiska New York. More

    • 88 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Recaps Biden’s Annual ‘Status Update’

      by

      Trevor Noah joked Biden’s speech was “like a birthday card from a 4-year-old: A lot of words didn’t make sense, but you got what it was trying to say.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.America Has Updated Its StatusLate night hosts recapped President Biden’s State of the Union address on Wednesday night, which Trevor Noah called “the one night a year where the president gives the country a status update about how things are going.”“Let’s talk about the State of the Union address, the one night a year Joe Biden stays up past 6 p.m.” — TREVOR NOAH“Biden spoke for 62 minutes. Well, actually he spoke for 10 with 52 minutes of clapping.” — JIMMY FALLON“More than 33 million Americans watched Grampotus speak for more than an hour. He announced he will release 60 million barrels of oil from our national reserve, which is good news for Ted Cruz’s hair.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Last night, President Biden gave the shortest State of the Union address since 2016, clocking in at one hour and two minutes. The shortest — I like this trend. I like it. Let’s get it down — let’s get it down to one TikTok, just save us all a bunch of time.” — JAMES CORDEN“You know, at times this speech was like a birthday card from a 4-year-old: A lot of words didn’t make sense, but you got what it was trying to say.” — TREVOR NOAH“But aside from policing and Covid and Ukraine, Biden also brought up a lot of policies last night that he wanted Congress to pass this year, like letting Medicare negotiate the price of drugs and doubling clean energy production and raising taxes on corporations, and strengthening voting rights — which are all great ideas that I can’t wait for him to bring up again at next year’s State of the Union. Because, I mean, if we’re honest, none of that [expletive] is going to pass through this Congress.” — TREVOR NOAH“According to a new poll, 71 percent of Americans who watched President Biden’s State of the Union address had a positive reaction to the speech. But let’s be honest: Everyone who would have had a negative reaction was watching ‘Yellowstone.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Him Who? Edition)“I’m sorry: ‘God protect our troops — Go get him.’ Get who? Go get God?” — TREVOR NOAH, on Joe Biden’s yelling “Go get him!” at the end of his State of the Union speech“Right after, Putin called Trump and was like, [imitating Putin] ‘Is he talking about me?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Go get him who? Does Biden just randomly shout, ‘Go get him’ sometimes? I mean, it would explain why his dog kept attacking people.” — TREVOR NOAH“Who are we supposed to go get? Putin? Pokemon?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Mike Pence was watching from home and was like, ‘Not again. What did I do this time?’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth Watching“Tonight Show” guest Zoë Kravitz took Jimmy Fallon in a game of “Can You Feel It?” where they guess objects they can’t see by touch alone.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSerena Williams will sit down with Trevor Noah for the first time on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This Out“The Dropout” tracks the rise and fall of Elizabeth Holmes and the start-up Theranos. From left: Elizabeth Meriwether, the creator; Amanda Seyfried, the star; and Rebecca Jarvis, the journalist whose podcast inspired the series.Jingyu Lin for The New York TimesThe women behind “The Dropout” seek to humanize Elizabeth Holmes in their new Hulu series about the disgraced tech entrepreneur. More

    • 125 Shares139 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Grades Biden’s First State of the Union Address

      by

      “Many lawmakers wore the colors of the Ukrainian flag, blue and yellow,” Colbert said. “It’s a show of solidarity not seen since the last ‘Minions’ movie.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not So Civil UnionStephen Colbert went live on Tuesday night after President Biden’s first State of the Union address.“And let me tell you, it was a roller-coaster ride of rip roaring reasonableness,” Colbert said of Biden’s speech.”A roller coaster ride of rip roaring reasonableness.”- @StephenAtHome on President Biden’s #StateOfTheUnion speech. #LateShowLIVE pic.twitter.com/axxKy2F1xq— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) March 2, 2022
      “Keep in mind, a week ago, this was going to be a totally different speech. But when Ukraine was invaded, the world changed. Because right now, there is a dictator who thinks he can violently conquer a sovereign democracy, but Joe Biden beat him in the last election.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Many lawmakers wore the colors of the Ukrainian flag, blue and yellow. It’s a show of solidarity not seen since the last ‘Minions’ movie.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Not everyone was focused on the speech. Kevin McCarthy was there but busy looking at his phone. To be fair, today’s Wordle was pretty tricky.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course the minority leader in the House not paying attention looked disrespectful. But keep in mind, he might’ve been on Amazon shopping for a spine.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Four Horsemen Edition)“It was a tough speech. Biden said that even though the country is divided right now — right now, we all need to come together and agree that the ‘Sex and the City’ reboot wasn’t anywhere near what we hoped it would be.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, it was historic — 400 representatives, 100 senators and Size 96 font on the teleprompter.” — JIMMY FALLON“But the State of our Union is as strong as Kim and Kanye right now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, Biden was at the podium with Kamala Harris and Nancy Pelosi right behind him. Fox News was like, ‘Throw in Hillary and you’ve got all Four Horsemen.’” — JIMMY FALLON“During his speech, Biden introduced his new unity agenda. Unity agenda, yeah. And you can tell it worked because every single Republican ignored him.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel struggled to get through their song praising the Supreme Court hopeful Ketanji Brown Jackson.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightZoë Kravitz will talk about playing Catwoman (Selina Kyle) in the new “Batman” film on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutIn her new memoir, Amy Bloom writes about helping her husband to end his life after a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. More

    • 75 Shares169 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Gets Serious About Ukraine

      by

      Hosts did their best to bring levity to their shows on an otherwise somber day.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.What Is It Good For?Late night hosts got serious on Thursday discussing Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.Stephen Colbert called it “a dark day.”“Over the last five years, we’ve seen democracy repeatedly undermined, tragic, unprecedented firestorms, a global pandemic,” Colbert said. “Well this morning, Vladimir Putin looked at all of that and said, ‘Hold my vodka.’”James Corden forewent any attempt at jokes at the top of his show and delivered a somber monologue instead.“But today, if you are thinking about the news, there is really only one news story, and that news is so dark. That a war has begun, a sovereign country has been invaded, and all day today, and then tonight, and now as I sit here, I can’t — all I can think about is the innocent men and women and children in Ukraine who are terrified for their lives and I don’t know how to process it. Like, I don’t even know how to talk about this to my own children, let alone begin talking to you about it on television. And it’s weird, you know, like just because I wear a suit and I sit behind this desk, it doesn’t really mean anything. I am not nearly qualified enough to speak about these events. I’m not. And I don’t really want to make jokes about any other trivial news story that we found today, because I can’t shake the feeling of how utterly terrifying all of this is, and how scared the people of Ukraine must be feeling today; how scared everyone in Eastern Europe must be feeling today. And I’m sure I can’t fathom that this is happening in 2022 and the ramifications of this are monumental, and we should be under no illusion of how serious and sad the situation in Ukraine is. So, I don’t know what to say other than our thoughts are with every single person in Ukraine tonight.”— JAMES CORDEN“Amidst all this horror, it’s important to keep our eyes on the unhinged fascist lunatic,” Colbert said, referring to former president Donald Trump, who doubled down on his support of Putin.“You know, it’s hard to do a comedy show when there’s a war going on, but we are here while more than 6,000 miles away, women and children are fleeing Ukraine. Men aged 18 to 60 are required to stay and fight as Russian forces continue their unprovoked attack — an attack that has been received here in the United States, like, I don’t remember anything like this, in that some of us seem OK with it. You know, typically we would band together in a situation like this. We’d be united, but that was before the great divider chopped us in half.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Russian President Vladimir Putin declared war last night against Ukraine, and this is nice: Trump offered to host the after party.” — SETH MEYERS“So, if you were like most people, you were shocked and horrified. But if you were Donald Trump, apparently you were at Mar-a-Lago watching it with a bunch of Palm Beach plastic surgeons and their third wives and thinking, ‘You really got to hand it to Vladimir Putin.’” — SETH MEYERS“While Vladimir Putin is being condemned by leaders and ambassadors from every democratic country around the world, Donald Trump, our former president, was complimenting him and, of course, himself, while bombs were falling on a country that did nothing to provoke an invasion.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Then, as the invasion began, the ex-prez took to Russian state media — sorry, I misread that: Fox News.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It takes a special kind of a son of a [expletive] to see innocent people fleeing their homes and think, ‘How can I make this about me?’ But nobody does that better than Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Can you imagine if any other president behaved this way? This would be like if during World War II, Hoover came out and said, ‘Attaboy, Adolf. Sweet mustache. I love what you’re doing there.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Say ‘Aaaah!’ Edition)“As you know, Russia is now at war with Ukraine. It is a crazy world we’re living in. In fact, today President Biden asked the C.D.C. to find a new variant just to lighten the mood.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Russian president Vladimir Putin has launched a full-scale invasion of Ukraine. I think Putin has lost his mind. Even Kim Jong-un was like, ‘You’re not actually supposed to do it.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, World War III, a global pandemic, the queen has Covid, rising inflation. Billy Joel’s already working on a remix of ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Listen, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but one thing’s for sure: Putin should fire those peacekeepers. You had one job!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is the biggest ground war in Europe since World War II, and the whole world is in shock. That’s why today’s Wordle was ‘Aaaah!’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “The Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon, Questlove and Higgins tried to guess if an audience member was hiding a mustache under his mask.Also, Check This OutNaomi Watts in “The Desperate Hour,” directed by Phillip Noyce.Vertical EntertainmentNaomi Watts plays a mother whose morning jog becomes a nightmare in Phillip Noyce’s new thriller “The Desperate Hour.” More

    • 75 Shares119 Views

      in Television

      Seth Meyers Considers Trump’s Putin Praise

      by

      Meyers joked that Trump “narrates Putin’s every move like he is Tony Romo calling the last drive of a playoff game.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Piling on the PraiseLate-night hosts couldn’t avoid talking about Russia again on Wednesday night, pointing out that Donald Trump had been praising Vladimir Putin during a recent interview with a right-wing radio show.Trump called Putin “savvy” and his political strategy “genius,” which Seth Meyers joked was “a pretty brilliant way to make Putin second-guess himself.”“The entire world is aghast and horrified. The only people who could possibly think this is a good move are those unemployed fringe weirdos who go on small radio shows.” — SETH MEYERS“Keep in mind Trump also used the words ‘savvy’ and ‘genius’ to describe McDonald’s Dollar Menu.” — JIMMY FALLON“So honestly, I’m not sure you want to be called a genius by the guy that clogged the White House toilet with classified documents.” — JIMMY FALLON“I haven’t seen a president cheer on the Russians this hard since the Cuban missile crisis when Eisenhower wore the T-shirt, ‘Khrushchev is a Zaddy!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And even when he was president, Trump was always so desperate to buddy up with Putin, even Putin couldn’t believe it. Trump was like those rookie defensive backs who would stop Tom Brady after the game for an autograph: ‘Hey, I know I’m on the other team but huge fan, don’t tell my coach.’” — SETH MEYERS“Putin always had that smile on his face when he was next to Trump like, ‘I can’t believe how easy this is.’” — SETH MEYERS“It’s just insane that Trump is still so desperate to praise a bloodthirsty tyrant like Putin every chance he gets. Trump narrates Putin’s every move like he is Tony Romo calling the last drive of a playoff game.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Best of the Rest Edition)“This year, the Oscars are planning to prerecord some awards before the ceremony and air them during the live broadcast. Even more insulting, before the awards are presented, the announcer will say, ‘And now, the categories nobody cares about.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The categories that will not get the usual live on-air treatment are documentary short, makeup, hairstyling, original score, production design, animated short, live action short, sound, and editing — although it does feel ironic for the editors to be cut out of the show.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If they really want to shorten the broadcast, maybe just skip the part where someone explains what an actor is.” — JIMMY FALLON“But how could they do this? I mean, who could forget that magical moment in 1975 when Ronald Pierce and Melvin Metcalfe won best sound for ‘Earthquake’?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I think they should go even further: boil it down to best actor, best actress and best picture, and we can all get to sleep.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingTracee Ellis Ross took on Jimmy Fallon in a few founds of “Sing it Like” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightPamela Adlon will talk about the final season of her FX show “Better Things” on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutBeanie Feldstein, center, rehearsing “His Love Makes You Beautiful” with members of the cast.George Etheredge for The New York TimesBeanie Feldstein is prepared to take on the iconic Barbra Streisand role in Broadway’s long-awaited reboot of “Funny Girl.” More

    • 113 Shares199 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Riffs on Joe Biden’s Sanctions Against Russia

      by

      Colbert said Putin sought to keep the peace, and imitated Russia’s president: “I keep this piece of Ukraine. I keep that piece of Ukraine. I keep all the pieces of Ukraine.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Putin, the Piece-KeeperRussia’s imminent invasion of Ukraine was the talk of late night on Tuesday, when Stephen Colbert sought to answer why Vladimir Putin planned to send troops into another country.“He claims it’s to carry out ‘peacekeeping functions,’ and it’s true,” Colbert said. “I keep this piece of Ukraine. I keep that piece of Ukraine. I keep all the pieces of Ukraine. I am piece-keeping,” he said, imitating Putin.“Putin appears to be inching toward a full-scale attack on Ukraine. Trump, of course, called him a genius and called the idea ‘wonderful’ today. What kind of hotel room hidden camera video does that Putin have? We want to see it already.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Putin sent what he and Trump refer to as a ‘peacekeeping’ force into Ukraine on today — which is 2/22/22 — because he invaded Georgia, Putin did, the country, not the state on Aug. 8, 2008 — 08/08/08. Can that be a coincidence? Oh, yeah, it can? Oh, it can? OK.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Biden gave a speech today at the White House and said that Russia’s invasion of Ukraine has officially begun. Biden didn’t mean to say that, but Putin invaded his teleprompter, too.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, Biden also used his speech to announce a bunch of new sanctions against Russia. Yeah, nothing stops a dictator in his tracks like raising his A.T.M. fees.” — JIMMY FALLON“So, that means no Russian money in the U.S. There goes Tucker Carlson’s sponsors.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“From now on, Russia doesn’t get the new Wordle until noon.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s not just the president — the Senate is preparing its own list of sanctions and, reportedly, Republican lawmakers are itching to sanction Putin’s romantic partner. Putin’s romantic partner? So, the horse?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, Biden said, ‘We will not put up with Russian aggression, especially on such an important national holiday, Twosday.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Twosday Edition)“Yeah, ‘Twosday’ because it’s Tuesday 2-22-22. Yeah, this only happens once every 100 years. President Biden was like, ‘I didn’t care then, I didn’t care now.’” — JIMMY FALLON“As you just heard, tonight is 2/22/22, also known as the day the calendar maker fell asleep on his keyboard.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Tonight we honor the most underappreciated number — two. The number it takes to tango. The number of scoops in Kellogg’s Raisin Bran. Without two, there would be no movie sequels. ‘E’ would equal MC nothin’.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The last time an all two date happened was Feb. 22, 1922. American women had just recently won the right to vote, Amelia Earhart bought her first plane. Now President Joe Biden just passed his first gallstone.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “The Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon played Good Name, Bad Name, Great Name with the famous monikers of bands, movies, video games and snacks.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightBillie Eilish will chat with Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutThe actresses Sandra Oh, left, and Jodie Comer. Their characters in “Killing Eve” chased each other across multiple continents, sharing a destructive mutual obsession.   Bethany Mollenkof for The New York TimesSandra Oh and Jodie Comer say goodbye to “Killing Eve” after four seasons together. More