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      Samantha Bee Blasts Supreme Court for Allowing the Texas Abortion Ban

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      The “Full Frontal” host wasn’t happy about the state’s law, which outlaws abortion after six weeks, or the high court’s decision not to block it.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Taking Issue With TexasSamantha Bee lashed out on Wednesday at the Supreme Court’s conservative majority, after the court refused to block a law that has effectively ended legal abortion in Texas.The Texas law effectively outlaws abortion after six weeks of pregnancy — earlier than many women realize they are pregnant.“Technically, you’re six weeks pregnant just two weeks after you miss a period — which is a [beep] nightmare, because periods can be irregular for all kinds of reasons. I skipped a period when I started this job and at the 2018 People’s Choice Awards when Willem Dafoe looked at me too hard. (That was before he became Willem Dafriend.)” — SAMANTHA BEEBee quoted from Justice Sonia Sotomayor’s ardent dissent, in which the justice said her colleagues had refused “to enjoin a flagrantly unconstitutional law” and instead “opted to bury their heads in the sand.”“Damn, I haven’t seen heard a Supreme Court justice speak that passionately about a case since Sandra Day O’Connor’s decision on Kramer v. Kramer. She chose ‘Seinfeld’ Kramer! She said the laughter he brings is almost unconstitutional.” — SAMANTHA BEEReacting to a tweet from Gov. Kristi Noem of South Dakota suggesting that her state might emulate the Texas law, Bee paused on Noem’s mention of South Dakota’s official “unborn child advocate.” Then the host put up a picture (rather unflattering) of Mark Miller, the man who holds that position, and delivered a few blows that were aimed at his face but still felt below the belt.“It’s weird that he’s pro-life because with a face like that, I would want to be dead.” — SAMANTHA BEE“You can’t be pro-birth if you look like you broke out of a cloning pod before you finished.” — SAMANTHA BEE“We need to fight this oppressive law, and all the others that come after it, because no person should be forced to give birth — or look into this man’s face. I just missed my period again.” — SAMANTHA BEEHaving Fun With Virus FrustrationOn “The Tonight Show,” when Jimmy Fallon touched on President Biden’s attempts to control the coronavirus pandemic, his jokes were tinged with cynicism.“Tomorrow, President Biden is giving a major speech on the next phase of his pandemic response. Americans said they can’t wait to hear the speech, and then crowded into a bar for tomorrow’s N.F.L. kickoff.” — JIMMY FALLON“Biden will lay out a six-pronged strategy. And apparently one prong is building a border wall between the U.S. and Florida.” — JIMMY FALLONJimmy Kimmel sounded like he was equally fed up with antimaskers.“Maybe they should have a separate airline for people who won’t wear a mask: JetFlu.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Delta Air Lines Edition)“A 4-year-old girl named Scarlett just climbed her 48th mountain peak. That’s great, but she doesn’t have Instagram, so did it really happen?” — JIMMY FALLON“The C.E.O. of the airline Delta has revealed he’s still refusing to call it the Delta variant. That’s important, I can totally understand that, because being associated with a communicable disease is not great for business. That’s why stores no longer carry the tasty Syphilis Jam. You remember their motto: ‘Nothing spreads like Syphilis!’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers offered his own criticisms of the Supreme Court’s decision on the Texas abortion law.Will exposure therapy help Guillermo overcome a lifelong fear of snakes?What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightOn “The Late Show” on Thursday, Sarah Paulson will talk about playing Linda Tripp on the new FX series “Impeachment: American Crime Story,” and the country singer Kacey Musgraves will perform a song from her new album, “Star-Crossed.”Also, Check This OutLindsey Buckingham’s self-titled solo album, his first since being ousted from Fleetwood Mac in 2018, is due this month.Chantal Anderson for The New York TimesLindsey Buckingham is once again an ex-member of Fleetwood Mac, after his long-simmering tensions with Stevie Nicks bubbled over (not for the first time). He has a new solo album out. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Skewers ‘Pan-dimwits’ Taking Horse Dewormer

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      “Meanwhile, these poor horses are like: ‘Hey, I have worms — I need that stuff. There are worms in my butt, do you understand?’” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Still Horsing AroundJimmy Kimmel returned to his show on Tuesday after taking the summer off.“I leave you people alone for two months, you start taking horse worm medicine?” the host said.Kimmel offered a name for people who have taken the medicine, ivermectin, as a supposed cure for Covid-19: “pan-dimwits.” There is no evidence that the drug is effective against Covid, and the health authorities have warned that it could pose a serious danger to humans.“So you will probably still get Covid, but on the bright side, you could win the Preakness.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Poison-control centers across the country have seen a spike in calls from people taking livestock medicine to fight the coronavirus, but they won’t take the vaccine, which is crazy. It’s like if you’re a vegan and you’re like, ‘No, I don’t want a hamburger — give me that can of Alpo instead.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Worst of all, it tastes yucky. Luckily, the internet is loaded with advice on how to make it more palatable, including mixing it with jellies or eating it as a sandwich. Or throw it on your roast beef — technically, it is horsey sauce.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In fact, it says right on the label: ‘For a horse’s [expletive].’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One of the reasons these Sea Biscuits are opting for ivermectin is because they don’t trust ‘big pharma.’ Which is fine, I guess, except for the fact that ivermectin is made by Merck, which is the fourth-largest pharmaceutical company in the world.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Listen, if a pharmaceutical company says, ‘Please don’t take the drug we’re selling,’ you should probably listen to them. Or you could just go with a TikTok posted by a disgraced veterinarian instead.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Meanwhile, these poor horses are like, ‘Hey, I have worms — I need that stuff. There are worms in my butt, do you understand?’”— JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Worst Butt Dial Ever Edition)“And finally, I read that surgeons successfully removed a Nokia cellphone from a man’s body after he swallowed it whole. The kids were so embarrassed. They’re like, ‘Dad, please swallow an iPhone next time.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He swallowed a Nokia phone. More like Choke-ia phone.” — JAMES CORDEN“His phone got wet and he needed to put it in rice immediately, but he had eaten all of his rice.” — JAMES CORDEN“Even worse, after four days, the man still had zero notifications.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s why I always buy the extra-long 10-foot charge cord, always. I know it’s a little bit more, but you’re happy you paid that money when you’re like, ‘Got it!’”— JAMES CORDEN“When reached for a comment, the man said he didn’t swallow it — it was just the worst butt dial ever.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin challenged Texas on its new abortion ban and made the case for a federally funded pedicure on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightHolland Taylor (“The Chair”) will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutSarah Paulson, left, as Linda Tripp and Beanie Feldstein as Monica Lewinsky in “Impeachment: American Crime Story” on FX.Antony Platt/FX“American Crime Story: Impeachment” focuses less on the White House and more on the women who were involved with and affected by the scandal. More

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      Seth Meyers Calls Out Fox News for Promoting Ivermectin

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      “Normally, when you hear the phrase ‘horse pills,’ you think it’s a euphemism, but in this case, it’s literal horse pills,” Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Hold Your Horses On Thursday’s “Late Night,” Seth Meyers scolded Fox News for promoting the use of Ivermectin, an anti-parasitic drug commonly given to livestock, as a cure for Covid.“Normally, when you hear the phrase ‘horse pills,’ you think it’s a euphemism, but in this case, it’s literal horse pills,” Meyers said.“Any time someone tries to sell you a ‘miracle drug’ that ‘they’ don’t want you to know about, you should be suspicious.” — SETH MEYERS“I gotta say, when I first heard that Fox News was pushing Ivermectin, I knew it was gonna be bad, but I was not expecting it to be horse dewormer. It sounds like the name of a drug they give supersoldiers in a Paul Verhoeven movie to turn them into Robocops.” — SETH MEYERS“You know someone at the company that made Ivermectin once said, ‘Hey, should we put “not for people” on the horse pill labels?’ and someone else said, ‘There’s a picture of a horse on the bottle, it’s fine!’” — SETH MEYERS“First, it was hydroxychloroquine, then it was bleach, powerful lights, now it’s horse dewormer? I’m honestly terrified to imagine what’s next. One day, we’re gonna wake up and Brian Kilmeade’s gonna be telling people you can cure Covid by eating kibble and sleeping in a bed of kitty litter: [imitating Kilmeade] ‘Works for me. that’s why I blink as often as a sphinx.’” — SETH MEYERS“You know who the real victims are here? The horses who can’t get their worm pills.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pocket Rocket Edition)“You know how Jeff Bezos went up into space last month with his cute little cowboy hat? Well, now they’re selling mini-replicas of his rocket. Yes, there it is — are we allowed to show that on T.V.?” — RuPaul, guest-hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“Yep, there it is, anxiously waiting to probe your galaxy.” — JIMMY FALLON“It measures 10 inches from the base to the tip. Yeah, I’ve heard that before. I’ll be the judge of that.” — RuPaul“And this is the best part, I’m not making this up, the rocket is appropriately priced at 69 bucks.” — RuPaul“Seriously, I don’t even think you could show that on OnlyFans.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“Jimmy Kimmel Live” took to the streets of Hollywood to quiz kids on “Karens.”Also, Check This OutYahya Abdul-Mateen II in Nia DaCosta’s “Candyman.”Universal PicturesNia DaCosta’s new take on “Candyman” revisits the scene of the crime with Colman Domingo in the starring role. More

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      Seth Meyers Wants Trump to Stop Complimenting the Taliban

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      “You don’t have to give the Taliban credit for anything — they’re the Taliban!” Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Very ComplimentarySeth Meyers reminded viewers Wednesday just how involved Donald Trump was with the war in Afghanistan, despite the former president insisting he would have handled things differently than President Biden. Meyers said Trump “was going out of his way to compliment the Taliban on their fighting and negotiating skills.”“You don’t have to give the Taliban credit for anything — they’re the Taliban!” Meyers said.“It’s especially insane to call them ‘good negotiators,’ like they’re trying to talk down a used-car salesman.” — SETH MEYERS“Does Trump think if he’s nice to the Taliban, they’ll hang out with him? [imitating Trump] ‘Great fighters, great negotiators, and great, great golfers. Abdul Ghani Baradar, horrible guy, but I saw him eagle a par five from the rough. We played in a foursome with Brooks Koepka and Bryson DeChambeau. And you wanna talk about warring factions, those two do not like each other!’” — SETH MEYERS“I mean, thank god this idiot wasn’t the chief of police in San Francisco during the Zodiac killings. [imitating Trump] ‘Bad guy, nasty guy, but you’ve got to give him credit for one thing: beautiful, beautiful penmanship.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pumpkin Spice Latte Edition)“And finally, as part of their new fall menu, Starbucks has added a new drink, the apple crisp macchiato. In response, the pumpkin spice latte was like, ‘Oh, it’s on.’” — JIMMY FALLON“And in gayer news, buy me some Crocs and Taylor Swift on vinyl, because baby, I’m a basic [expletive] who loves pumpkin spice latte!” — RuPaul, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“Yes, I’m a diva diva pumpkin eater.” — RuPaul“Face it: pumpkin spice is here to stay. It’s rich, it’s naughty, just like the vocals of Ariana Grande. Oh, uh, but make mine an Ariana Venti, honey, because I can take it.” — RuPaulThe Bits Worth Watching“The Other Two” star Molly Shannon told Jimmy Fallon how Nick Jonas convinced her to finally join Instagram.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightMichael Shannon will talk about “Nine Perfect Strangers” on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutGael García Bernal, left, Maribel Verdú and Diego Luna in a scene from “Y Tu Mamá También.”IFC FilmsThe director and stars of “Y Tu Mamá También” reflect on the landmark film 20 years after its release. More

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      Jimmy Fallon: Americans Care More About New ‘Spider-Man’ Than Covid’s Origins

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      “In the trailer, Spider-Man visits Dr. Strange and asks him to turn back time. Then President Biden shows up and asks for the same thing,” Fallon joked on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Keeping Up With CovidLate night gave a few Covid-related updates on Tuesday night, including the U.S. intelligence agencies’ announcement that they had finished their review of the virus’s origins.“Then the Americans said, ‘Hold that thought — there’s a new ‘Spider-Man’ trailer, y’all,’” Jimmy Fallon joked. “In the trailer, Spider-Man visits Dr. Strange and asks him to turn back time. Then President Biden shows up and asks for the same thing.” — JIMMY FALLON“Well, guys, as I mentioned, today the report on the origins of Covid was completed, and an unclassified version will soon be released to the public. And like everything with this pandemic, I’m sure Americans will fully accept the truth and they’ll put all conspiracy theories to rest.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, the unclassified report will come out in a few days, or sooner if Sony accidentally leaks it early.” — JIMMY FALLON, referring to the leaked “Spider-Man” trailer“President Biden yesterday encouraged Americans who have been waiting for the F.D.A. to approve the Pfizer coronavirus vaccine to go out and get the shot. But I don’t know, something tells me they’re going to find a way to move the goal posts again: [imitating anti-vaxxer] ‘Sure, it’s F.D.A.-approved, but is it farm to table, something that’s suddenly very important to me?’” — SETH MEYERS“Following the announcement that the F.D.A. has officially approved the Pfizer vaccine, President Biden is now calling on companies in the private sector to adopt a shot mandate. If you ask me, this is just further proof of a giant conspiracy between the government and the corporate elite to infringe on Americans’ God-given right to get infected by a deadly virus.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Formerly Known as the Pfizer Vaccine Edition)“Following the full approval of Pfizer’s coronavirus vaccine, the company revealed it would start marketing the drug under the name Comirnaty, so now people will start referring to the Pfizer vaccine as ‘the Pfizer vaccine.’” — SETH MEYERS“It’s too late for a rebrand. This is like when your friend comes back from vacation and is like, ‘Actually, everyone calls me Turbo now.’” — SETH MEYERS“Listen, if they really want people to take it, they should have just called it White Claw.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Jimmy Kimmel Live” guest host, Niall Horan, announced a new name for his fan base: “Horan Dogs.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe country music artist Chris Stapleton will perform on Wednesday’s “Late Night With Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutRosie Perez with Kaley Cuoco in “The Flight Attendant.” Perez used her own experiences with menopause to shape her performance.Colin Hutton/HBO Max, via Associated PressAfter a lengthy film career, Rosie Perez is up for her first Emmy with her supporting role in “The Flight Attendant.” More

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      Jimmy Fallon Celebrates the F.D.A.’s Full Approval of a Covid Vaccine

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      “It’s about time,” Fallon said. “Their statement started with, ‘Hey, sorry, I just saw this.’”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Big Day for PfizerAfter several months and intense pressure to speed up the process, the F.D.A. approved Pfizer-BioNTech’s Covid vaccine on Monday.“It’s about time,” Jimmy Fallon said. “Their statement started with, ‘Hey, sorry, I just saw this.’”“Yeah, it was approved by the real F.D.A., the Food and Drug Administration, which is not to be confused with the fake F.D.A., the Facebook Doctors Association.” — JIMMY FALLON“Approval also offers an opportunity to clear up substantial public confusion. And, look, I’ll admit, it can be confusing to follow. We all wish the F.D.A. and C.D.C. could be more like the S.C.F., which is an organization where people Speak [expletive] Clearly.” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, this is great news. Although, if it didn’t get approved, I’m not really sure what the options were: Pfizer store credit?” — JIMMY FALLON“It must be weird working at the F.D.A. One day you’re approving a lifesaving vaccine, the next you’re approving new s’mores-flavored Oreos.” — JIMMY FALLON“Exactly what paranoid anti-vaxxers have been waiting for: a stamp of approval by the federal government.” — JAMES CORDEN“The Pfizer vaccine is now fully approved by the F.D.A., which sounds like a big deal, until you remember that so is Mountain Dew Baja Blast.” — JAMES CORDEN“Get this: The new name of the fully approved Pfizer vaccine is Comirnaty. Comirnaty, which sounds more like a drunk person trying to say ‘community’: [imitating drunk] ‘You can’t arrest me; I’m a valued member of the comirnaty.” — JIMMY FALLON“This is amazing news that will hopefully convince more people to get vaccinated, and we should all be thrilled. But, also, huge news that, I guess, we finally ran out of pharmaceutical names.” — SETH MEYERS“Did the approval catch Pfizer so off guard that they yelled out a name before they were ready? ‘I vote Comirnaty!’” — SETH MEYERS“Meanwhile, the Moderna and Johnson & Johnson vaccines don’t need F.D.A. approval. They spent lockdown learning to love themselves.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (From the Horse’s Mouth Edition)“But the vaccine isn’t the only thing keeping the F.D.A. busy. They recently had to tell people not to treat Covid with a drug that’s given to animals with worms. This is real. They tweeted: ‘You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously y’all, stop it.’ Meanwhile, the people taking it are like, ‘Laugh all you want, but I don’t have Covid, and the worms are almost gone.’” — JIMMY FALLON“They are absolutely right. You are not a horse, you are not a cow — you’re a jackass, though.” — STEPHEN A. SMITH, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“By the way, if the drug you’re about to take has a horse on the box, you probably shouldn’t take it.” — STEPHEN A. SMITH“Do you eat your meals out of a bag that has been strapped to your mouth? Are you led around by a carrot or a stick? How about: Do you sleep standing up? Do you sleep in a stable? No? Then take people medicine, OK? Try that.” — STEPHEN A. SMITH“On Friday, the Mississippi Health Department said incidents of people taking this horse medicine accounted for more than 70 percent of recent calls to the state’s poison center. That’s shocking, and I’ll tell you why: I had no idea Mississippi had a health department.” — STEPHEN A. SMITHThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Snoop Dogg paid tribute to his late friend Kobe Bryant in honor of the former basketball star’s birthday.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightLorde will continue her four-night residency on “The Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutLike everyone else in Easttown, Julianne Nicholson’s Lori holds some devastating secrets beneath her sensible parka.HBO, via Associated PressThe Emmy-nominated Julianne Nicholson was as surprised as anyone to find out the killer’s identity in “Mare of Easttown.” More

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      Stephen Colbert on the Chaotic Regime Change (Not That One)

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      Colbert brought “Late Show” viewers up to speed on the fallout from the search for a new “Jeopardy!” host. Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Double JeopardyOn Thursday night, Stephen Colbert opened his monologue by addressing what he said was on his audience’s mind.“They want to hear me talk about the big story everybody’s talking about right now,” Colbert said: “the chaos surrounding the recent poorly handled regime change — over at ‘Jeopardy!’”“And for some reason, everyone is talking about this — possibly to avoid talking about everything else.” — STEPHEN COLBERTColbert recounted how the game show’s search for Alex Trebek’s successor, which included tryouts by guest hosts like LeVar Burton and Katie Couric, ended last week when “the executive producers of ‘Jeopardy!’ selected executive producer Mike Richards.”“Wow, what are the odds? Exactly the same as me getting named ‘Stephen Colbert Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.’ Suck it, Ryan Gosling!” — STEPHEN COLBERTBut since then, Colbert continued, “crude comments about women, Jews and Haiti” that Richards made on a podcast years ago have emerged. “Ooh, looks like Richards’s job might be in … jeopardy!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“At this rate, he’s going to be the first ‘Jeopardy’ host to actually invoke double jeopardy: ‘Objection: I already got in trouble for that one. What? Oh, I’m sorry — what is ‘objection’?” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (OnlyFans Edition)“Earlier today OnlyFans announced that it’s going to block all X-rated content starting in October. What? This would be like Playboy only printing the articles, you know what I’m saying?” — JIMMY FALLON“Also just a side note, if you’re watching this with someone, and they quickly ask, ‘What’s OnlyFans?’ Trust me, they know exactly what it is.’” — JIMMY FALLON“They know that fans of OnlyFans are only fans of one thing, right?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Reportedly, ‘OnlyFans was struggling to find outside investors because of its adult content.’ Evidently, pornography does not live up to the high moral standards of investment bankers, unless it’s them [expletive] the economy. Then it’s fine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, there’s a bright side to banning shots of where the sun don’t shine, because OnlyFans says while sexually explicit material will be banned, nudity that is not sexually explicit will remain allowed. So you can only post nude images that would never turn on anyone — and, I’m sorry, I just don’t need the money that badly.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “The Tonight Show,” The Roots improvised a song about the chemistry on the new season of “Bachelor in Paradise.”Also, Check This OutJeremy O. Harris and Whitney Peak during the taping of a “Gossip Girl” episode in which characters attend a new play by Harris.Karolina Wojtasik, via HBO MaxThe reboot of “Gossip Girl” featured a scene from a Jeremy O. Harris play that didn’t really exist. Now it’s been commissioned by the Public Theater. More

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      Seth Meyers Explains How ‘Forever Wars’ Happen

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      The Washington elite kept troops in Afghanistan “longer than it takes for George R.R. Martin to come up with a new ‘Game of Thrones’ book,” Meyers joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘A Little More Time’Seth Meyers discussed the messy U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan in his “Closer Look” segment on Wednesday night, blaming members of the Washington elite who he said had misled the public for years about the prospects for success in America’s longest war.“And that’s how ‘forever wars’ happen: People in charge just keep asking for a little more time to turn things around and then, next thing you know, it’s been 20 years and you’ve been in Afghanistan longer than it takes for George R.R. Martin to come up with a new ‘Game of Thrones’ book,” Meyers joked.“And every time someone suggested withdrawing, the military-industrial complex and foreign policy elite kept insisting that if we only gave them just a few more months, they could finally turn things around. It’s kind of like how as a kid you tell your parents you’d return the movie you rented from Blockbuster tomorrow because you hadn’t finished it yet, and then they’d ask you the next day, and you tell them you just have to watch the last 20 minutes, and then the next thing you know, you’re 47 years old and owe Blockbuster $60,000 in late fees for a VHS copy of ‘The Prince of Tides.’” — SETH MEYERS“There was never a good time to withdraw, which is why no president before Biden was willing to do it, kind of like how there’s never a good time at a pool party to tell someone you can see their [expletive] crack. No one wants to be the guy who interrupts pool volleyball to say, ‘Hey, Dave, pull up your swimsuit.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Duct Tales Edition)“Guys, I saw that United Airlines has instructed its flight crew not to use duct tape when dealing with unruly passengers. Don’t use it, yeah. Flight attendants heard and were like, ‘OK, Tasers it is.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, United isn’t allowed to use duct tape, while passengers on Frontier Airlines will now be wheeled onboard like Hannibal Lecter.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, according to the memo, United is against using duct tape unless it’s holding up one of their engines. That’s where they draw the line.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingWednesday night’s guest host, Sean Hayes, played doctor on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Saturday Night Live” star Cecily Strong will visit Seth Meyers on Thursday night.Also, Check This OutBillie Jean King in 1974.Associated PressBillie Jean King’s new memoir, “All In,” is a powerful, personal manifesto from the longtime activist and athlete, our critic writes. More