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      Stephen Colbert Applauds Biden’s ‘Endgame’ for Afghanistan’s ‘Infinity War’

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      Colbert pointed out that the conflict “has been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Twenty Years LaterPresident Biden announced on Wednesday that American troops will leave Afghanistan by Sept. 11 after nearly 20 years of war.“When he was V.P., Joe was ‘the most senior dissenting voice against a surge in Afghanistan back in 2008 and 2009,’” Stephen Colbert said, quoting from a news report. “This war’s been going on so long, Biden’s been trying to get the troops out since he was just ‘regular’ old. Now he’s ‘Mountain Dew Baja Blast Extreme’ old.”“The cost: A tragic loss of human life and a duffel bag of your cash they called ‘ghost money.’ Because spending $2 trillion with no clear definition of victory is pretty spooky.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Biden is getting criticism from people who say if America leaves Afghanistan then it will become a failed state, and that is a real danger. But on the other hand, America has been there for 20 years — is it supposed to stay there forever? Because if that is going to be the case, then I mean, America should at least make Afghanistan a U.S. state. And the good news with that is it would eliminate Afghanistan’s terrorism problem completely, because we all know that once terrorists are American, they’re not terrorists anymore — they are just frustrated citizens who are having a bad day.” — TREVOR NOAH“During his remarks, Biden announced that withdrawal would begin on May 1. When the troops get home, they’re gonna be like, ‘Why are all the bars closed?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Despite the fact that 2,400 service members gave their lives, the ongoing war in Afghanistan received not even a mention at the presidential debates. Oh, but how can you expect a ground war in Asia to compete with the urgent threat of windmill cancer?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (No Endgame Edition)“President Biden said today he will withdraw all U.S. troops from Afghanistan by September 11 during a speech in the White House Treaty Room, which is where former President George W. Bush announced the start of the war. In fact, all the decorations were still up.” — SETH MEYERS“The war in Afghanistan has been going on for almost 20 years. To put that another way, this war is too old to date Matt Gaetz.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Twenty years is a long time. Those are 17th-century European numbers. That’s the kind of war you fight because the Spanish contessa rejected your proposal to unite the kingdoms and eloped with the Duke of Saxony.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The war in Afghanistan may finally be over, and people, it’s about time. It’s been what, 19 years? No war should ever be old enough to serve in itself.” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan. This conflict’s older than the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It’s an ‘Infinity War’ with no ‘Endgame.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee opened Wednesday’s “Full Frontal” by tracking anti-Asian racism throughout American history.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightAnderson Cooper will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” where he is likely to discuss his upcoming gig as guest host of “Jeopardy!”Also, Check This OutPhoto Illustration by Julia Panek; Photos via Getty ImagesCelebrities who gave product endorsements used to be accused of “selling out.” Now they’re hailed as savvy investors and giving the performances of their careers. More

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      Late Night Gets Serious About Police Brutality

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      Trevor Noah and Stephen Colbert criticized officers’ use of force against Black men, citing two cases in which traffic stops turned violent.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Lethal ErrorTrevor Noah and Stephen Colbert addressed police brutality against Black men on Monday night, with a focus on two recent high-profile cases. The first was the death of Daunte Wright, who was fatally shot during a traffic stop near Minneapolis on Sunday. The second was that of Caron Nazario, an Army lieutenant who was in uniform in December when two Virginia police officers ordered him to stop his car, pointed their weapons at him and doused him with pepper spray.“But if you’re surprised that a member of the military is having his rights abused, then you need to understand the police don’t give a [expletive],” Noah said. “They don’t care if you’re a member of the military; they don’t care if you’re a beloved member of the community; they don’t care if you’re recording them; [expletive], they don’t even care if they’re recording themselves. And the reason they don’t care is because they know they’re going to get away with it. And until that changes, they’re just going to keep not caring.”“What a strange way to say ‘Thank you for your service.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And how crazy is it that this driver — think about it — he knew to get to a gas station so that he would have decent lighting for the encounter. Imagine. Just think about that for a moment: Police brutality has forced everyday Black Americans to become lighting experts.” — TREVOR NOAH“I mean, at this point Black people should just start singing ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ when they get pulled over. Then maybe, just maybe, the cops will be like, ‘Well, I don’t want to pepper spray the anthem — what do I do?’” — TREVOR NOAHColbert and Noah expressed frustration with a police statement saying that the officer who shot and killed Wright had mistakenly confused her gun for her Taser.“It’s dangerous when a policeman can’t tell if you’re holding a gun. It’s insane when they can’t tell if they’re holding a gun.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A man was killed at a traffic stop because the police officer mixed up their gun and their Taser? Is that even supposed to be a legitimate excuse? Like, we’re supposed to watch that and go, ‘Ah, OK. One time I used sugar instead of salt, so I can relate.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And by the way, don’t you find it amazing cops think everything is a gun except their own gun?” — TREVOR NOAH“And even if it was just a mistake, that’s not a mistake that you just forgive and walk away, especially since you know the people jumping to her defense for using a gun instead of a Taser — those are the same people they want their waiter fired for bringing them a regular Coke instead of Diet.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Venmo Tuition Edition)“Congress returned after a two-week recess. ‘Not much, just hung out,’ said Matt Gaetz before anyone could talk.” — SETH MEYERS“Matt Gaetz, Florida congressman and fraternity brother who wants to show you something in his room, has been under fire since news broke of him being under investigation over possible sex trafficking. But like a Karen in a Bath & Body Works, he refuses to back down.” — TREVOR NOAH“According to a new report, Florida congressman Matt Gaetz used the cash transfer app Venmo to send an accused sex trafficker $900, who then paid three young women for, quote, ‘tuition and school,’ which is a pretty weak attempt to cover your tracks. That’s like leaving your wallet at a crime scene but wiping your fingerprints off it.” — SETH MEYERS“Let he who has never Venmo’d a prostitute cast the first stone.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I mean, you think you know a guy, and then it turns out — yeah, you’re totally right. You do know him. You know him pretty well.” — TREVOR NOAH“The House Ethics Committee announced Friday it will launch an investigation into Republican congressman Matt Gaetz over allegations that he, quote, ‘may have engaged in sexual misconduct, and/or illicit drug use, shared inappropriate images or videos on the House floor, misused state identification records, converted campaign funds to personal use and/or accepted a bribe, improper gratuity or impermissible gift’ — or as Republicans call it, ‘running for re-election.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJohn Boehner, the former speaker of the House, played a speed-round of quick reactions to politicians like Mike Pence and Barack Obama on Monday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightPhoebe Robinson will talk about her new Comedy Central series, “Doing the Most,” on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutTobias Menzies portrayed Prince Philip in the Netflix series “The Crown.”Des Willie/Netflix, via Associated PressThere have been numerous onscreen portrayals of the late Prince Philip, some more accurate than others. His biographer assesses the best-known attempts. More

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      Seth Meyers Recaps Biden’s First Press Conference

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      The “Late Night” host says the president is at his best “when he’s got the vibe of an old-timer football coach giving his young squad an inspirational halftime speech.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Biden Meets the PressPresident Biden held his first official news conference on Thursday, taking questions about immigration, the filibuster and his new Covid-19 vaccination goal, which builds on the early success of the initial rollout.“So he set a goal, met it, then said set a second, more ambitious goal which has credibility, because he met his first goal — that’s a novel strategy. It’s certainly different from the Trump strategy of overpromising and underdelivering,” Seth Meyers said.“That kind of announcement is Biden at his best, when he’s got the vibe of an old-timer football coach giving his young squad an inspirational halftime speech: [Imitating Biden] ‘We can do it, folks. We can score 42 points in the second half. And look, I know most of you have broken bones because I forgot to teach you how to tackle, but that’s how we learn.’” — SETH MEYERS“President Biden gave his first official press conference today. He would have given one sooner, but he spent a full month deciding if he should call on reporters with a point, a finger gun or a wink, and he landed on all three.” — JAMES CORDEN“During his press conference, President Biden said he supports changing the rules of the filibuster to require senators to stand and speak, like it was when he was in the Senate, quote, ‘120 years ago.’ Now, obviously he misspoke — 120 years ago, he was still in college.” — SETH MEYERS“Wow. Comically speaking, it should be a less believable number of years.” — JAMES CORDEN“There were a lot of questions today about immigration after Biden announced that Vice President Harris will be overseeing the challenges at the U.S.-Mexico border. It’s similar to how Trump put Pence in charge of handling the pandemic. When the going get tough, presidents are like, ‘You got this, right?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Look, Folks Edition)“Well, guys, after 64 days in office today, President Biden held his very first press conference. Normally, when a 78-year-old answers an hour of questions, they’re getting a physical.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden held his first official news conference today and Democrats everywhere held the edge of their seats.” — SETH MEYERS“During his first press conference today, President Biden said, quote, ‘I got elected to solve problems.’ Um, OK, so what do you know about boats and canals then?” — SETH MEYERS“It was quite the event. If you did a shot every time Biden said, ‘Look, folks,’ you got drunker than a ship captain in the Suez Canal.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Biden talked about the biggest issues facing his presidency — the pandemic, the economy and Dr. Oz hosting ‘Jeopardy.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “Desus & Mero,” the “Saturday Night Live” star Kenan Thompson talked about his new sitcom.Also, Check This Out“Notating Transcribing Transcribing” (2021) by the Berlin-based American artist Christine Sun Kim, who is deaf.Photo by Stefan KorteFrom visual art to the film “Sound of Metal,” modern deaf creatives are using American Sign Language to perform across a variety of media. More

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      Stephen Colbert Suggests Guns Be Regulated Like Cars and Alcohol

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      Colbert said guns should require a license, registration and insurance: “If you move to a new state, you got to do the whole damn thing all over again. And you can’t go out loaded.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Retiring Thoughts and PrayersStephen Colbert opened Tuesday’s show addressing the mass shooting a day earlier in Boulder, Colo.“Now due, apparently, to pandemic shutdowns, it has been a year since there has been a large-scale shooting in a public place,” Colbert said. “Now we’ve had two in the last week: Boulder and Atlanta. Evidently, the only solution for America’s gun violence is putting all of us under house arrest.”“The responses from gun apologists, of course, have been predictable. The Colorado State Shooting Association released this statement: ‘There will be a time for the debate on gun laws. There will be a time for a conversation on how this could have been prevented. But today is not the time.’ Why not? That’s what they say every time this happens, and that’s what I say about what they say every time they say it every time it happens.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Even the idea of it being in a ‘groundhog’ situation is itself a ‘groundhog’ situation. Remember, Einstein said, ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Also, same-day gun purchases — whose stupid idea was that? Thanks, “Einstein.”’” — STEPHEN COLBERTSeth Meyers also addressed how common such violence has become.“I heard an anchor this morning call the events in Boulder ‘unimaginable.’ That’s probably a word we can retire. When something happens three or four times a week, it is no longer unimaginable. Sadly, we’re at a place where common sense gun laws and political action are the things — they are the things that have become unimaginable.” — SETH MEYERS“We could also stop using ‘shooter.’ It makes these people sound like hobbyists, which is exactly the [expletive] rationale that keeps those kinds of weapons flowing. ‘Killer’ or ‘murderer’ works just fine.” — SETH MEYERS“And of course, we can do away with ‘thoughts and prayers.’ If the best you can muster in response to this kind of horror is to say words inside your own head and nothing more, best to look around, find someone or some organization that’s taking action, and help them instead.” — SETH MEYERSColbert specifically called out Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, who during a congressional hearing attempted to steer the subject from gun control to young people who drink and drive.“OK, I’ll take that deal. Let’s regulate guns the way we regulate alcohol and cars. You got to be 21, you got to pass a test to get a license, you got to have a registration and insurance for your gun. If you move to a new state, you got to do the whole damn thing all over again. And you can’t go out loaded.” — STEPHEN COLBERTAnd when Kennedy said there isn’t so much a gun control problem as “an idiot control problem,” Colbert agreed in part.“Oh, we definitely have an idiot control problem. It’s people who don’t recognize that this country has long had a gun problem, ‘John Kennedy.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Special Delivery Edition)“Speaking of the pandemic, I saw that DoorDash will now deliver Covid test kits to your house. Yeah, the DoorDash guy will hook you up with fast food, Covid tests and, after a long enough pause, weed: ‘Here’s your delivery, here’s your test. [pause] All right, here, let me see what I got.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Uber has started offering Covid tests, too. Yeah, if you get in the car and you can smell weed, you just tested negative, my friend. Congrats!” — TREVOR NOAH“I got to be honest, it’s a little strange getting medical supplies from the same guy who brought you lunch from Fuddruckers.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yes, thanks to DoorDash, you can now get a Covid test delivered right to your home along with, I’m assuming, 40 packets of ketchup.” — TREVOR NOAH“And let me remind everybody right now that your delivery driver is not responsible for your test results, all right? Because you know there are people out there who are going to base their reviews on that: ‘What? You’re telling me that I have Covid? Dude, one star!’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Daily Show” correspondent Desi Lydic delved into the world of women having orgasms onscreen in her segment “Hist-HER-y.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSharon Stone will stop by Wednesday’s “Late Show” to talk about her new memoir, “The Beauty of Living Twice.”Also, Check This OutFrom left foreground, America Ferrera, Colton Dunn, Nico Santos, Ben Feldman and Lauren Ash in the first season of “Superstore.” From the start, the show never insulated its characters from the outside world.Vivian Zink/NBCNBC’s big-box workplace sitcom “Superstore,” whose series finale is on Thursday, didn’t shy from the challenges faced by America’s low-wage workers, including the current pandemic. More

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      Stephen Colbert Breaks It Down for Spring Breakers

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      “Hot tip for Miami authorities: If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads,” Colbert joked. Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Spring Breaking the RulesCollege students celebrating spring break descended on Miami Beach over the weekend and flouted regulations about social distancing and wearing masks. On Monday night, Stephen Colbert chastised the city’s mayor, Dan Gelber, for saying those partyers were not “following the rules.” “Yes, he wants a spring break that’s not chaotic or disorderly, like in those famous videos, ‘Girls Gone Mild,’” Colbert said.“Things got so out of hand that on Saturday, the city was forced to declare a state of emergency and an 8 p.m. curfew. And, surprise, it didn’t work. Hot tip for Miami authorities: If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yup, now there’s a curfew from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. so spring breakers will have to return to their motel rooms. The best way to guard against Covid is forcing drunks into small, confined spaces, that’s what I’ve always heard.” — JIMMY FALLON“You know things are out of control when Florida is worried about Covid.” — JIMMY FALLON“College kids were like, ‘It’s a shame, ’cause I flew to Miami during a pandemic to party very responsibly.’” — JIMMY FALLON“[imitating partyer] Wooo! I’m with you, my fellow younglings. The virus can’t catch us if we don’t stop dancing! I’m never going to die!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is what’s going to happen after Florida’s governor called the state a ‘freedom oasis.’ Like if I put a Starbucks sign above my apartment door, I can’t be mad when people show up and try to take a [expletive] in my bathroom.” — TREVOR NOAH“But let’s be clear here: Covid is not over, all right? Some random dude can’t declare the end of the pandemic by dressing up like the Joker and making it rain. It’s not a thing. Only Anthony Fauci can declare the end of the pandemic by dressing up like the Joker and making it rain.” — TREVOR NOAH“But still, there’s no reason that you can’t celebrate spring break and wear a mask. It could be part of the fun. I mean, just think how sexy a wet mask contest could be, hmm? I mean, we haven’t seen mouths in a year — what’s under there?” — TREVOR NOAH“And if we learned anything from Miami, this is just a preview of how much everyone is going to get loose once the pandemic is truly over. People have been locked up for too long. Once it ends, everyone’s going to be drinking and partying, hooking up with everyone. It’s going to be so much that it’s going to create the next worldwide virus. Yeah, guys are going to be waking up in bed next to a bat like, ‘Uh-oh, I think I did it again.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Biden’s Trip Edition)“Our new president is on a roll, baby. Nothing can stop him now — except stairs.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He’s facing a lot of challenges in his first 100 days — the vaccine rollout, the crisis at the border, and what happened to Ms. Frizzle. Whew. But over the weekend, he faced his biggest challenge yet: staying upright.” — TREVOR NOAH“I’m sorry, guys, I honestly can’t believe that this happened. The president got knocked over by wind. This is going to be the first president where the Secret Service needs to carry around paperweights: ‘Hold on, sir, hold on. We got you, we got you — someone sneezed.’“ — TREVOR NOAH“He’s fine! Can we blame it on his dog, Major? No? Do it anyway.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s not like this just happened to Joe Biden, all right? It happens all the time. Biden tripped, Obama tripped, Mike Pence tripped. And the reason isn’t because they’re old — the reason is because they were running up and down stairs. You shouldn’t do that.” — TREVOR NOAH“That would never happen in Africa. I mean, mostly because our presidents fly commercial and they have to wait for their boarding group to be called, but you get what I mean.” — TREVOR NOAH“The point is we don’t think about it because we use stairs so much, all right? Nobody thinks about it, but stairs are basically an obstacle course. You take one wrong step and you’re going to eat [expletive]. And that’s one thing — one thing that my man Trump understood. You love him or hate him, but you’ve got to treat stairs with respect. He understood that. You walk up slowly, you hold the banister and you swear to God that if he lets you survive this, you will never walk up stairs ever again.” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s interesting — I feel like they’re the opposite with stairs and Covid. Like with Covid, Trump took no precautions; Biden took every precaution. But on stairs or ramps, Trump’s super careful, always holding the railing, going real slow. Whereas Biden throws caution to the wind, trips upstairs three times. So it’s interesting, you know? It just shows we all contain multitudes.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah looked into the gender disparities taking place as part of this year’s March Madness basketball tournament.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightMegan Mullally and Nick Offerman will catch up with Seth Meyers on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutPep band players can be some of the biggest basketball fans in the arena.Harry How/Getty ImagesOne noticeable difference for March Madness this year: no live bands. More

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      Stephen Colbert Mocks Republicans’ Suspicious Minds on Vaccines

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      “Despite vaccines becoming more available, there’s still one thing holding Americans back: Americans,” Colbert lamented on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Calling TrumpStephen Colbert gave an update on the Covid-19 vaccination campaign on Tuesday night, lamenting that progress has been slow with a certain group of people.“Despite vaccines becoming more available, there’s still one thing holding Americans back: Americans,” Colbert deadpanned before launching into reports that Republicans were refusing vaccines in high percentages.“Because in a CBS poll, a third of Republicans said they would not be vaccinated. Come on, Republicans! Not everything is political. How do we convince you that you want it? Would it feel safer if the vaccine was administered by an AR-15?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Many of the Republicans polled cited ‘distrust of government’ as a reason to not be vaccinated. They worry the vaccines were produced too quickly. Duh! It was produced quickly because all of science dropped everything because your president wanted them to, and they did everything right with clinical trials! You wouldn’t stand in front of your burning house and tell the Fire Department, ‘Hold on, there, hold on — you fellas got here suspiciously fast.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One potential side effect of the coronavirus vaccine is that people are exposed to the idea that government can get things done.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThere have been suggestions that Donald Trump, who did not appear with the four other living former presidents in a recent ad promoting the vaccines, should do more to encourage his supporters to get inoculated.“I don’t know why Trump isn’t promoting the vaccine. I mean, maybe he doesn’t want to help Joe Biden end the pandemic. You know, maybe he’s still trying to unload all that hydroxychloroquine that he bought last summer. The question is, why are Republicans so hesitant to get the vaccine in the first place? Well, it might be because their most trusted friends are telling them it can’t be trusted.” — TREVOR NOAH“And I can’t say that I’m surprised that Trump isn’t making an effort to get people vaccinated. I mean, the man barely did his job when he had his job; you think he’s going to start working now? For free?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Sister Act Edition)“But President Biden has been trying to reach out to North Korea for weeks. Kim Jong-un isn’t having it. I don’t know if he’s tried sending a love letter — I hear Kim is really into those.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At first I thought the reason for the lack of response might be that Kim Jong-un uses a fax machine, but then I remembered Biden does, too, so.” — JIMMY FALLON“After a long period of silence, Kim Jong-un’s sister, Khloé Jong-un — or, I mean, is it Kourtney? Kourtney Jong-un lashed out.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“She warned the Biden administration that if it wants peace it had better, quote, ‘refrain from causing a stink at its first step. We take this opportunity to warn the new U.S. administration trying hard to give off powder smell in our land.’ I’m sure it sounds more threatening in Korean.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You don’t need to ask the ‘No malarkey’ guy to not cause a stink. He’s got it covered.” — JAMES CORDEN“That’s not how you talk to another country, is it? That’s how you talk to a spouse right before you go to a dinner party. You’re like: ‘Please avoid talking to Hank about politics. I don’t want you causing a stink.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Also I like that Kim Jong-un had his sister deliver the message. It’s like North Korea’s version of ‘I heard a noise in America; go check it out.’” — JIMMY FALLON“By the way, it’s rare that a dictator’s sibling speaks out. I don’t remember reading about any stern warnings from Lois Hitler.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s funny because North Korea thinks these statements they make are sick burns but they always sound like riddles instead. It’s like: ‘If you wish to cross the bridge, be wise not to anger us like the cat who swallowed mushrooms unwashed.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, nice try, North Korea, but we’re America — we haven’t slept well for the past five years.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Jenny Hagel and Amber Ruffin poke fun at the Utah Black History Museum and myths that vaccines can turn people gay in Tuesday’s return of “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe actress Laverne Cox will pop by Wednesday’s “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”Also, Check This Out“I’m finally being honest with myself,” the singer Demi Lovato said.Ryan Pfluger for The New York TimesThe singer Demi Lovato opened up to The New York Times about her queerness, her near fatal overdose and her journey to living her truth. “I’m ready to feel like myself,” she said. More

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      Trevor Noah: Andrew Cuomo Is ‘the Only Person Who Wishes It Was Still 2020’

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightTrevor Noah: Andrew Cuomo Is ‘the Only Person Who Wishes It Was Still 2020’“At some point we’re going to find out the Statue of Liberty only holds that torch so she can fend him off,” Noah said Monday of sexual misconduct allegations against the New York governor.“A.O.C. wants him to resign, Schumer wants him to resign, his brother renamed his CNN show from ‘Cuomo Primetime’ to ‘It’s Just Chris, O.K.? It’s Just Chris,’” Trevor Noah joked.Credit…Comedy CentralMarch 16, 2021Updated 3:14 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Cuomo’s CancellationSeveral lawmakers publicly asked Gov. Andrew Cuomo, Democrat of New York, to resign after six women accused him of sexual misconduct. On Monday night’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah referred to Cuomo as “the only person who wishes it was still 2020.”“Bullying and groping women, a ‘Mad Men’ office culture and pushing women to wear dresses and heels? I mean it sounds like Cuomo basically thought of himself like a bouncer outside a nightclub, which is convenient for him, because that might be his job in a couple of months.” — TREVOR NOAH“And practically every day now there are more and more accusations piling up. It’s getting so bad that he’s going to have to bring back his PowerPoint slides just to track the harassment claims.” — TREVOR NOAH“I mean just in the past couple of weeks we’ve heard about him harassing staffers, journalists, wedding guests — it seems like no women in New York were safe from this guy. At some point we’re going to find out the Statue of Liberty only holds that torch so she can fend him off.” — TREVOR NOAH“First of all, you know you’re in a bad spot when even Chuck Schumer calls on you to resign. That dude doesn’t do anything hastily. Before he makes any decision, he has to have at least four brow furrows and inch his glasses down to the tip of his nose.” — SETH MEYERS“Second, so many Democrats have called on Cuomo to resign that at this point it’s easier to ask who hasn’t done so: ‘Good news, Governor, the Oswego County Commissioner for Water and Sewer Services is standing by us. Wait, nope, sorry, he said you should resign. Somebody call the Schenectady Parks Department — they’ll never turn on us!’” — SETH MEYERS“A.O.C. wants him to resign, Schumer wants him to resign, his brother renamed his CNN show from ‘Cuomo Primetime’ to ‘It’s Just Chris, OK? It’s Just Chris.’” — TREVOR NOAH“All right, first of all, can we now agree the term ‘cancel culture’ is officially meaningless? He’s using the same line as the people who spent the last three weeks getting mad about the Muppets, Mr. Potato Head, and Looney Tunes.” — SETH MEYERS“But yes, Andrew Cuomo thinks that holding him to account for his actions is cancel culture, which is obviously making people pretty angry — especially nursing home residents. They’re like ‘[Expletive], you canceled Gladys!’” — TREVOR NOAH“And I have to be honest, if this is cancel culture, well then I have no idea what cancel culture means any more. I guess it’s about letting Dr. Seuss’s books be racist but also not letting politicians get away with sexual harassment. Cancel culture feels a lot like watching ‘WandaVision.’ Every time I think I get what it’s about, the next scene is like ‘Now it’s about a purple witch who is only pretend possessed?’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Oscar Nominations Edition)“Earlier this morning, the nominations were announced for the 93rd Academy Awards. This year’s Oscars air on April 25, two months later than usual, because if anything’s good for ratings, it’s a four-hour award show about online movies that came out a year ago.” — JIMMY FALLON“The Netflix film ‘Mank’ led the way with 10 nominations. That’s basically one nomination for every time you paused ‘Mank’ to check Instagram on your phone.” — JIMMY FALLON“The most nominated film with 10 nods was ‘Mank,’ which is the true story of how Herman J. Mankiewicz wrote the screenplay for ‘Citizen Kane.’ That’s right, it’s a movie about another movie. Because there’s nothing Hollywood loves more than itself.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But here’s some good news: This year’s Oscar nominees are the most diverse ever. Meanwhile, Golden Globes voters were like, ‘A lot of our best friends are diverse.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This year’s nominees are the most diverse, as opposed to the usual Oscar nominees, which look like the crowd at a Steely Dan concert inside a Pinkberry.” — JIMMY FALLON“The Academy also announced that the ceremony will take place partially from Union Station this year in Los Angeles, which is where all the trains converge. That’s exciting. This means this year Gary Oldman might accept an Oscar on a caboose.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingCorrespondent Jaboukie Young-White looked into some popular misconceptions about the Covid-19 vaccine for Monday’s “The Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightMichelle Obama will talk about her new Netflix series, “Waffles + Mochi,” on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutThe director Chloé Zhao, the director of photography Joshua James Richards and Frances McDormand filming “Nomadland.”Credit…Searchlight Pictures/HuluThis year’s Oscar nods include a history-making turn for Chloé Zhao, the first Chinese woman and first woman of color to be nominated for Best Director.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Reminisces About One Year of ‘Living Contagiously’

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightJimmy Kimmel Reminisces About One Year of ‘Living Contagiously’“If somebody said ‘N95’ to you one year ago, you’d think they were a bingo caller,” Kimmel joked on America’s “coronaversary.”“The traditional gift for a one-year anniversary is paper, so I figured toilet paper makes the most sense,” Kimmel said while throwing some to a socially distanced audience of employees.Credit…ABCMarch 12, 2021, 1:45 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.One Year Later, Gifts for EveryoneJimmy Kimmel celebrated America’s “coronaversary” on Thursday night, referring to it as “one year of living contagiously.”“The traditional gift for a one-year anniversary is paper, so I figured toilet paper makes the most sense,” he said, while tossing the most in-demand item from last March to a sparse, socially distanced audience made up of “Jimmy Kimmel Live” employees.“I think we all remember where we were when we heard the news, because we’re all still there.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, it’s been exactly one year since we’ve had an audience, and I’ve got to say, I really miss the laughs, the energy, and of course, keeping the lost wallets.” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, it was a year ago today that we had our last show with a full audience. Six days later, I did the show from home, and six days after that, both my kids had agents.” — JIMMY FALLON“I remember that day like it was yesterday. Everything was shutting down, people were scared, grocery stores were ransacked, so I got up on a chair in the office and gave an inspirational speech where I said to my staff, ‘Gang, I know you’re terrified, but this is our moment. People are counting on us. So let’s get out there and put on the best [expletive] show of our lives!’ And then I looked down and the room was empty except for a tumbleweed that rolled past, stole a bottle of Purell off my desk and then left.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Way We Were Edition)“And today marks one year since the World Health Organization declared Covid-19 a pandemic. Prior to that, it was actually categorized as a legume.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If somebody said ‘N95’ to you one year ago, you’d think they were a bingo caller.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Remember when we were carefully disassembling our Instacart deliveries like a munitions expert in ‘The Hurt Locker’? Watch out, the Chipotle could explode!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course, it’s also the one-year anniversary of the first time I Lysol-ed a banana. But not the last.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s also been one year since we all trapped ourselves inside our homes with stockpiles of gin and red wine, watching ‘Tiger King’ and ‘Love Is Blind’ while clinging to our last shreds of toilet paper like a plank floating in the water after a shipwreck.” — SETH MEYERS“I think we all remember where we were when we heard the news, because we’re all still there.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, the past year was just like flying United Airlines. The engine fell off, but somehow we still made it.” — JIMMY FALLON“If you had told me a year ago that nearly 100 million Americans would be vaccinated for Covid by March 2021, I would have said, ‘What are you talking about? They said this will be over in two weeks. All we’ve got to do is flatten the curve, that’s it. When the warm weather comes, it will just disappear.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe writer and chef Eddie Huang talked with Desus and Mero about his new movie, “Boogie,” and his feelings about recent racially driven attacks on Asian-Americans.Also, Check This OutCredit…Nathaniel Russell, Alex Kalman, Sinna NasseriSeventy-five musicians, authors, directors, comedians, painters and playwrights answer seven questions about creativity and productivity (or lack thereof) in the pandemic.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More