Meyers, Seth

Subterms

    More stories

    • 63 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Celebrates Earth Day

      by

      “Earth Day started back in the ’70s with very lofty goals and has kind of turned into, ‘Guys, please, just for one day try not to light garbage on or near a panda bear, OK?’” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Save the Rainforest (Cafes)Late-night hosts celebrated Earth Day on Thursday, with Jimmy Kimmel touching on the holiday’s origins.“Earth Day started back in the ’70s with very lofty goals and has kind of turned into, ‘Guys, please, just for one day try not to light garbage on or near a panda bear, OK?’” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“There are so many amazing things from Earth. I mean, we have oceans and mountains, and shaving cream, and pine cones and the iPhone. We’ve got monkeys; we’ve got chocolate-covered raisins. Ryan Gosling, we’ve got Ryan Reynolds. We’ve got the Aurora Borealis. Pens are good. ‘Property Brothers,’ Magic Johnson, tennis rackets, yoga pants, poodles, tacos, yarn, marshmallows and Mr. T. I mean, that is a diverse portfolio of things that we should be grateful for.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course, Earth Day is like prom in that every year has a theme. This year’s is ‘Restore Our Earth.’ Yes, we have to, or pretty soon the theme’s going to be ‘Enchantment Under the Sea.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A lot of stores celebrated Earth Day. H&M added a section for sustainable items, Lowe’s offered a free garden-to-go kit, and Subway recycled last week’s tuna.” — JIMMY FALLON“I’m kidding around, but protecting the Earth is serious. I mean, can you believe that in 1999, we had nearly 50 Rainforest Cafes, and now we’re down to almost 20?” — JIMMY FALLONClimate ChangesPresident Biden’s climate summit was a related hot topic, with late-night hosts touching on the president’s announcement that the United States will cut its carbon emissions in half by 2030.“Added Biden, ‘Of course that responsibility will ultimately fall to President the Rock.’” — SETH MEYERS“Other countries are cautiously optimistic now. They’re like, ‘OK, but last year, weren’t you the guys saying climate change isn’t real? Which America are we talking to?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The science is absolutely clear that it’s necessary to avoid a worldwide catastrophe. No one should be against this, so naturally, almost every Republican is against this.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Climate change is getting harder to ignore. Last year, wildfires blazing in the Arctic Circle set new emissions records, the Atlantic hurricane season raged stronger than ever, and we reached the end of the hottest decade ever recorded. Most of that came in the last year due to the rise in ‘Bridgerton’ butt.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The tone of the summit was that we’re all responsible. But you know, Costa Rica was looking at the U.S. and China like: ‘Yeah, this is all our fault, right? Yeah. We’re all to blame.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Earth Day Edition)“Happy Earth Day! Everyone is in the spirit. This morning at 7-Eleven, I saw a rat drinking a Big Gulp with a metal straw.” — JIMMY FALLON“Today was Earth Day. ‘Ah, yes, the place I’m totally from,’ said Mark Zuckerberg.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, today was Earth Day even though I didn’t planet.” — SETH MEYERS“Today was the 51st Earth Day, although the Earth was like, ‘Let’s say — let’s just tell people I’m 35.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Humans celebrating Earth Day is like fleas celebrating Dog Day.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingDesus and Mero caught up with a friend of the show, Issa Rae, about her official new status as media mogul after Ms. Rae, the “Insecure” creator and star, signed an eight-figure deal with WarnerMedia.Also, Check This OutFans have gotten their wish: LeVar Burton is slated to guest-host “Jeopardy!” the last week of July.Etienne Laurent/EPA, via ShutterstockAfter fans campaigned online, LeVar Burton will guest-host “Jeopardy.” More

    • 150 Shares129 Views

      in Television

      Seth Meyers: Chauvin Verdict Confirms ‘What We Saw With Our Own Eyes’

      by

      “As we’ve explained on this show many times before, the culture and system of policing in this country must be dismantled and reformed,” Meyers said on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Holding Out for Justice for AllOn Wednesday, as Derek Chauvin’s conviction in the killing of George Floyd continued to reverberate around the country, Seth Meyers said it was “at the very least a relief to have what we saw with our own eyes confirmed by a court of law, even if it’s still a sorrow moment for grief and mourning, because this one verdict alone does not mean justice is done.”“True justice would mean George Floyd would still be alive today. True justice would mean Black people no longer having to live in fear of being killed by police. But there was at least accountability, which is hopefully a comfort to George Floyd’s family, and all those mourning his death, and a first step toward true justice and the reform we so desperately need, because it is undeniably the case that this is not the end of the story. As we’ve explained on this show many times before, the culture and system of policing in this country must be dismantled and reformed.” — SETH MEYERSSamantha Bee and Stephen Colbert also described Chauvin’s conviction on all charges as just a step in the right direction on a long path to righting generations of injustice.“While yesterday’s guilty verdicts are a step toward justice, they don’t change the fact that a man was murdered and Black people are still being killed by police. We have a long way to go to make this a country that, I don’t know, actually treats everybody like human [expletive] beings?” — SAMANTHA BEE“Americans are still emotionally processing yesterday’s verdict by a Minnesota jury that found Derek Chauvin guilty on three counts in the murder of George Floyd. It brings up a lot of complex feelings, because no jury verdict can bring George Floyd back, but the news of this accountability was celebrated across the nation, in Minnesota, New York and across the street from the White House, in Black Lives Matter Plaza, where people were dancing and crying with relief. What a difference 11 months make: Last time they were crying from tear gas and rubber bullets.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, the problem of police violence against people of color is still far from solved. While this is a welcome verdict, it’s like wiping up a spill on the Titanic: Good job, now let’s focus on the water pooling around our ankles.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, it should not take nine minutes of damning video to get some accountability. There’s a reason the Pledge of Allegiance doesn’t say, ‘With liberty and justice for all who are being filmed on an iPhone. Otherwise, sucks to be you!’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Misleaders Edition)“We can see the injustice with our own eyes, but there’s a whole industry of people, from police unions, to private prisons, to cable pundits, whose very lucrative job is to try to convince us that what we can see and hear with our own eyes and ears is not real. In fact, it’s worth going back and reading the initial police description of Floyd’s murder before the video came out to see just how deeply detached from reality it was. Here’s the official headline: ‘Man dies after medical incident during police interaction.’ It’s shocking. It’s hard to fathom. It’s like writing a book report about ‘Lord of the Flies’ called, ‘Kids successfully cooperate during tropical vacation, remain lifelong friends.’” — SETH MEYERS“Many Americans on Twitter, on various platforms, have spoken passionately, powerfully, about the verdicts and their significance yesterday, but none spoke less eloquently than Tucker Carlson of Fox News.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“After former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin was found guilty yesterday, Fox News host Tucker Carlson claimed the jury was intimidated into the guilty verdict by the protests and the Black Lives Matter movement, which is frustrating for Carlson, because he put a lot of work into intimidating that jury.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee made the case for federal legalization of marijuana on Wednesday’s “Full Frontal.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe Olympic champion gymnast Simone Biles will join Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutIn “Minari,” Steven Yeun, front, portrays a Korean immigrant who moves with his family to rural Arkansas in the 1980s; Lee Isaac Chung directed.David Bornfriend/A24With more female directors and people of color nominated for Oscars, the coronavirus pandemic seemed to have a positive effect on the diversity of this year’s Academy Awards. More

    • 113 Shares169 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Kimmel Heckles ‘Future Former Florida Congressman’ Matt Gaetz

      by

      Kimmel poked fun at Gaetz and his friend Joel Greenberg for making their Venmo transactions public: “One of those ‘salads’ cost more than $1,000 — I guess they added avocado.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Public FinanceJimmy Kimmel poked fun at “future former Florida congressman” Matt Gaetz on Thursday night over the more than 150 public Venmo transactions that Gaetz and his friend Joel Greenberg made to dozens of young women.“Three payments for $500, $500, $250, labeled ‘ice cream’; five other payments labeled ‘salad,’” Kimmel noted. “One of those ‘salads’ cost more than $1,000 — I guess they added avocado.”“Two of the transactions were for ‘stuff’ and ‘other stuff.’ And let me just say this: It’s bad enough that Matt Gaetz is implicated in doing ‘stuff.’ But ‘other stuff’? That’s outrageous.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And, of course, we know about all of this because stupid Joel Greenberg made his Venmo transactions public, as did Matt Gaetz. They didn’t check the privacy box. What’s the opposite of a criminal mastermind?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Chances are pretty high that if you’ve broken the law, there’s evidence of it on your phone, especially since Gaetz was reportedly using Cash App and Venmo to make payments to his indicted buddy. Used to be when politicians broke the law, they stuffed an envelope full of $100 bills and met their contact in a parking garage. Now they just Venmo a buddy with an emoji of an envelope stuffed with cash.” — SETH MEYERS“I’d say along with getting your phone seized, being chased down a flight of stairs by a crowd of reporters and getting hustled into the back seat of a waiting car isn’t a sign that things are going great. That’s classic corrupt politician stuff. No one ever in that situation is in it for a good reason: ‘Sir, sir, can you tell us how you cured cancer?’ ‘I didn’t cure cancer; stop spreading lies about me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to be rushed into this unmarked van.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Northern Exposure Edition)“In Canada yesterday, a member of Parliament, which is Canada’s equivalent to our House of Representatives, accidentally exposed himself on an official government Zoom meeting. His camera was on, he didn’t know it, and everyone saw his Canadian bacon.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is the Canadian version of storming the Capitol.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“People alerted him right after they took a million screen shots.” — JIMMY FALLON“Before putting on pants, he was like, ‘It’s cold here today in Canada, isn’t it cold? Everyone’s talking about how cold it is.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He was completely nude. He was changing after a jog, and thought his camera was off. From now on you can call me that guy’s camera because I am turned on.” — JAMES CORDEN“The member of Parliament apologized and explained it was an innocent mistake — but also, if you want to see more, check out his OnlyFans page.” — JAMES CORDEN“Of course, he apologized — he’s Canadian. He would have apologized whether it happened or not.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But can you imagine if this happened here? If Jerry Nadler started swinging his thing around on camera?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth Watching“The Daily Show” detailed what it’s like for Black families to have “the talk.”Also, Check This OutIn “Mare of Easttown,” Kate Winslet plays a Pennsylvania detective dealing with missing girls and mounting personal problems.Michele K. Short/HBOKate Winslet plays a small-town cop investigating the murders of several young women in HBO’s new mini-series, “Mare of Eassttown.” More

    • 113 Shares199 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Applauds Biden’s ‘Endgame’ for Afghanistan’s ‘Infinity War’

      by

      Colbert pointed out that the conflict “has been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Twenty Years LaterPresident Biden announced on Wednesday that American troops will leave Afghanistan by Sept. 11 after nearly 20 years of war.“When he was V.P., Joe was ‘the most senior dissenting voice against a surge in Afghanistan back in 2008 and 2009,’” Stephen Colbert said, quoting from a news report. “This war’s been going on so long, Biden’s been trying to get the troops out since he was just ‘regular’ old. Now he’s ‘Mountain Dew Baja Blast Extreme’ old.”“The cost: A tragic loss of human life and a duffel bag of your cash they called ‘ghost money.’ Because spending $2 trillion with no clear definition of victory is pretty spooky.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Biden is getting criticism from people who say if America leaves Afghanistan then it will become a failed state, and that is a real danger. But on the other hand, America has been there for 20 years — is it supposed to stay there forever? Because if that is going to be the case, then I mean, America should at least make Afghanistan a U.S. state. And the good news with that is it would eliminate Afghanistan’s terrorism problem completely, because we all know that once terrorists are American, they’re not terrorists anymore — they are just frustrated citizens who are having a bad day.” — TREVOR NOAH“During his remarks, Biden announced that withdrawal would begin on May 1. When the troops get home, they’re gonna be like, ‘Why are all the bars closed?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Despite the fact that 2,400 service members gave their lives, the ongoing war in Afghanistan received not even a mention at the presidential debates. Oh, but how can you expect a ground war in Asia to compete with the urgent threat of windmill cancer?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (No Endgame Edition)“President Biden said today he will withdraw all U.S. troops from Afghanistan by September 11 during a speech in the White House Treaty Room, which is where former President George W. Bush announced the start of the war. In fact, all the decorations were still up.” — SETH MEYERS“The war in Afghanistan has been going on for almost 20 years. To put that another way, this war is too old to date Matt Gaetz.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Twenty years is a long time. Those are 17th-century European numbers. That’s the kind of war you fight because the Spanish contessa rejected your proposal to unite the kingdoms and eloped with the Duke of Saxony.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The war in Afghanistan may finally be over, and people, it’s about time. It’s been what, 19 years? No war should ever be old enough to serve in itself.” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan. This conflict’s older than the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It’s an ‘Infinity War’ with no ‘Endgame.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee opened Wednesday’s “Full Frontal” by tracking anti-Asian racism throughout American history.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightAnderson Cooper will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” where he is likely to discuss his upcoming gig as guest host of “Jeopardy!”Also, Check This OutPhoto Illustration by Julia Panek; Photos via Getty ImagesCelebrities who gave product endorsements used to be accused of “selling out.” Now they’re hailed as savvy investors and giving the performances of their careers. More

    • 88 Shares179 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Gets Serious About Police Brutality

      by

      Trevor Noah and Stephen Colbert criticized officers’ use of force against Black men, citing two cases in which traffic stops turned violent.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Lethal ErrorTrevor Noah and Stephen Colbert addressed police brutality against Black men on Monday night, with a focus on two recent high-profile cases. The first was the death of Daunte Wright, who was fatally shot during a traffic stop near Minneapolis on Sunday. The second was that of Caron Nazario, an Army lieutenant who was in uniform in December when two Virginia police officers ordered him to stop his car, pointed their weapons at him and doused him with pepper spray.“But if you’re surprised that a member of the military is having his rights abused, then you need to understand the police don’t give a [expletive],” Noah said. “They don’t care if you’re a member of the military; they don’t care if you’re a beloved member of the community; they don’t care if you’re recording them; [expletive], they don’t even care if they’re recording themselves. And the reason they don’t care is because they know they’re going to get away with it. And until that changes, they’re just going to keep not caring.”“What a strange way to say ‘Thank you for your service.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And how crazy is it that this driver — think about it — he knew to get to a gas station so that he would have decent lighting for the encounter. Imagine. Just think about that for a moment: Police brutality has forced everyday Black Americans to become lighting experts.” — TREVOR NOAH“I mean, at this point Black people should just start singing ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ when they get pulled over. Then maybe, just maybe, the cops will be like, ‘Well, I don’t want to pepper spray the anthem — what do I do?’” — TREVOR NOAHColbert and Noah expressed frustration with a police statement saying that the officer who shot and killed Wright had mistakenly confused her gun for her Taser.“It’s dangerous when a policeman can’t tell if you’re holding a gun. It’s insane when they can’t tell if they’re holding a gun.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A man was killed at a traffic stop because the police officer mixed up their gun and their Taser? Is that even supposed to be a legitimate excuse? Like, we’re supposed to watch that and go, ‘Ah, OK. One time I used sugar instead of salt, so I can relate.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And by the way, don’t you find it amazing cops think everything is a gun except their own gun?” — TREVOR NOAH“And even if it was just a mistake, that’s not a mistake that you just forgive and walk away, especially since you know the people jumping to her defense for using a gun instead of a Taser — those are the same people they want their waiter fired for bringing them a regular Coke instead of Diet.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Venmo Tuition Edition)“Congress returned after a two-week recess. ‘Not much, just hung out,’ said Matt Gaetz before anyone could talk.” — SETH MEYERS“Matt Gaetz, Florida congressman and fraternity brother who wants to show you something in his room, has been under fire since news broke of him being under investigation over possible sex trafficking. But like a Karen in a Bath & Body Works, he refuses to back down.” — TREVOR NOAH“According to a new report, Florida congressman Matt Gaetz used the cash transfer app Venmo to send an accused sex trafficker $900, who then paid three young women for, quote, ‘tuition and school,’ which is a pretty weak attempt to cover your tracks. That’s like leaving your wallet at a crime scene but wiping your fingerprints off it.” — SETH MEYERS“Let he who has never Venmo’d a prostitute cast the first stone.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I mean, you think you know a guy, and then it turns out — yeah, you’re totally right. You do know him. You know him pretty well.” — TREVOR NOAH“The House Ethics Committee announced Friday it will launch an investigation into Republican congressman Matt Gaetz over allegations that he, quote, ‘may have engaged in sexual misconduct, and/or illicit drug use, shared inappropriate images or videos on the House floor, misused state identification records, converted campaign funds to personal use and/or accepted a bribe, improper gratuity or impermissible gift’ — or as Republicans call it, ‘running for re-election.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJohn Boehner, the former speaker of the House, played a speed-round of quick reactions to politicians like Mike Pence and Barack Obama on Monday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightPhoebe Robinson will talk about her new Comedy Central series, “Doing the Most,” on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutTobias Menzies portrayed Prince Philip in the Netflix series “The Crown.”Des Willie/Netflix, via Associated PressThere have been numerous onscreen portrayals of the late Prince Philip, some more accurate than others. His biographer assesses the best-known attempts. More

    • 88 Shares149 Views

      in Television

      Seth Meyers Recaps Biden’s First Press Conference

      by

      The “Late Night” host says the president is at his best “when he’s got the vibe of an old-timer football coach giving his young squad an inspirational halftime speech.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Biden Meets the PressPresident Biden held his first official news conference on Thursday, taking questions about immigration, the filibuster and his new Covid-19 vaccination goal, which builds on the early success of the initial rollout.“So he set a goal, met it, then said set a second, more ambitious goal which has credibility, because he met his first goal — that’s a novel strategy. It’s certainly different from the Trump strategy of overpromising and underdelivering,” Seth Meyers said.“That kind of announcement is Biden at his best, when he’s got the vibe of an old-timer football coach giving his young squad an inspirational halftime speech: [Imitating Biden] ‘We can do it, folks. We can score 42 points in the second half. And look, I know most of you have broken bones because I forgot to teach you how to tackle, but that’s how we learn.’” — SETH MEYERS“President Biden gave his first official press conference today. He would have given one sooner, but he spent a full month deciding if he should call on reporters with a point, a finger gun or a wink, and he landed on all three.” — JAMES CORDEN“During his press conference, President Biden said he supports changing the rules of the filibuster to require senators to stand and speak, like it was when he was in the Senate, quote, ‘120 years ago.’ Now, obviously he misspoke — 120 years ago, he was still in college.” — SETH MEYERS“Wow. Comically speaking, it should be a less believable number of years.” — JAMES CORDEN“There were a lot of questions today about immigration after Biden announced that Vice President Harris will be overseeing the challenges at the U.S.-Mexico border. It’s similar to how Trump put Pence in charge of handling the pandemic. When the going get tough, presidents are like, ‘You got this, right?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Look, Folks Edition)“Well, guys, after 64 days in office today, President Biden held his very first press conference. Normally, when a 78-year-old answers an hour of questions, they’re getting a physical.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden held his first official news conference today and Democrats everywhere held the edge of their seats.” — SETH MEYERS“During his first press conference today, President Biden said, quote, ‘I got elected to solve problems.’ Um, OK, so what do you know about boats and canals then?” — SETH MEYERS“It was quite the event. If you did a shot every time Biden said, ‘Look, folks,’ you got drunker than a ship captain in the Suez Canal.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Biden talked about the biggest issues facing his presidency — the pandemic, the economy and Dr. Oz hosting ‘Jeopardy.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “Desus & Mero,” the “Saturday Night Live” star Kenan Thompson talked about his new sitcom.Also, Check This Out“Notating Transcribing Transcribing” (2021) by the Berlin-based American artist Christine Sun Kim, who is deaf.Photo by Stefan KorteFrom visual art to the film “Sound of Metal,” modern deaf creatives are using American Sign Language to perform across a variety of media. More

    • 125 Shares149 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Suggests Guns Be Regulated Like Cars and Alcohol

      by

      Colbert said guns should require a license, registration and insurance: “If you move to a new state, you got to do the whole damn thing all over again. And you can’t go out loaded.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Retiring Thoughts and PrayersStephen Colbert opened Tuesday’s show addressing the mass shooting a day earlier in Boulder, Colo.“Now due, apparently, to pandemic shutdowns, it has been a year since there has been a large-scale shooting in a public place,” Colbert said. “Now we’ve had two in the last week: Boulder and Atlanta. Evidently, the only solution for America’s gun violence is putting all of us under house arrest.”“The responses from gun apologists, of course, have been predictable. The Colorado State Shooting Association released this statement: ‘There will be a time for the debate on gun laws. There will be a time for a conversation on how this could have been prevented. But today is not the time.’ Why not? That’s what they say every time this happens, and that’s what I say about what they say every time they say it every time it happens.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Even the idea of it being in a ‘groundhog’ situation is itself a ‘groundhog’ situation. Remember, Einstein said, ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Also, same-day gun purchases — whose stupid idea was that? Thanks, “Einstein.”’” — STEPHEN COLBERTSeth Meyers also addressed how common such violence has become.“I heard an anchor this morning call the events in Boulder ‘unimaginable.’ That’s probably a word we can retire. When something happens three or four times a week, it is no longer unimaginable. Sadly, we’re at a place where common sense gun laws and political action are the things — they are the things that have become unimaginable.” — SETH MEYERS“We could also stop using ‘shooter.’ It makes these people sound like hobbyists, which is exactly the [expletive] rationale that keeps those kinds of weapons flowing. ‘Killer’ or ‘murderer’ works just fine.” — SETH MEYERS“And of course, we can do away with ‘thoughts and prayers.’ If the best you can muster in response to this kind of horror is to say words inside your own head and nothing more, best to look around, find someone or some organization that’s taking action, and help them instead.” — SETH MEYERSColbert specifically called out Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, who during a congressional hearing attempted to steer the subject from gun control to young people who drink and drive.“OK, I’ll take that deal. Let’s regulate guns the way we regulate alcohol and cars. You got to be 21, you got to pass a test to get a license, you got to have a registration and insurance for your gun. If you move to a new state, you got to do the whole damn thing all over again. And you can’t go out loaded.” — STEPHEN COLBERTAnd when Kennedy said there isn’t so much a gun control problem as “an idiot control problem,” Colbert agreed in part.“Oh, we definitely have an idiot control problem. It’s people who don’t recognize that this country has long had a gun problem, ‘John Kennedy.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Special Delivery Edition)“Speaking of the pandemic, I saw that DoorDash will now deliver Covid test kits to your house. Yeah, the DoorDash guy will hook you up with fast food, Covid tests and, after a long enough pause, weed: ‘Here’s your delivery, here’s your test. [pause] All right, here, let me see what I got.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Uber has started offering Covid tests, too. Yeah, if you get in the car and you can smell weed, you just tested negative, my friend. Congrats!” — TREVOR NOAH“I got to be honest, it’s a little strange getting medical supplies from the same guy who brought you lunch from Fuddruckers.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yes, thanks to DoorDash, you can now get a Covid test delivered right to your home along with, I’m assuming, 40 packets of ketchup.” — TREVOR NOAH“And let me remind everybody right now that your delivery driver is not responsible for your test results, all right? Because you know there are people out there who are going to base their reviews on that: ‘What? You’re telling me that I have Covid? Dude, one star!’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Daily Show” correspondent Desi Lydic delved into the world of women having orgasms onscreen in her segment “Hist-HER-y.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSharon Stone will stop by Wednesday’s “Late Show” to talk about her new memoir, “The Beauty of Living Twice.”Also, Check This OutFrom left foreground, America Ferrera, Colton Dunn, Nico Santos, Ben Feldman and Lauren Ash in the first season of “Superstore.” From the start, the show never insulated its characters from the outside world.Vivian Zink/NBCNBC’s big-box workplace sitcom “Superstore,” whose series finale is on Thursday, didn’t shy from the challenges faced by America’s low-wage workers, including the current pandemic. More

    • 100 Shares129 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Breaks It Down for Spring Breakers

      by

      “Hot tip for Miami authorities: If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads,” Colbert joked. Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Spring Breaking the RulesCollege students celebrating spring break descended on Miami Beach over the weekend and flouted regulations about social distancing and wearing masks. On Monday night, Stephen Colbert chastised the city’s mayor, Dan Gelber, for saying those partyers were not “following the rules.” “Yes, he wants a spring break that’s not chaotic or disorderly, like in those famous videos, ‘Girls Gone Mild,’” Colbert said.“Things got so out of hand that on Saturday, the city was forced to declare a state of emergency and an 8 p.m. curfew. And, surprise, it didn’t work. Hot tip for Miami authorities: If you want young people to stop partying, don’t instate a curfew, just invite a few dads.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yup, now there’s a curfew from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. so spring breakers will have to return to their motel rooms. The best way to guard against Covid is forcing drunks into small, confined spaces, that’s what I’ve always heard.” — JIMMY FALLON“You know things are out of control when Florida is worried about Covid.” — JIMMY FALLON“College kids were like, ‘It’s a shame, ’cause I flew to Miami during a pandemic to party very responsibly.’” — JIMMY FALLON“[imitating partyer] Wooo! I’m with you, my fellow younglings. The virus can’t catch us if we don’t stop dancing! I’m never going to die!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is what’s going to happen after Florida’s governor called the state a ‘freedom oasis.’ Like if I put a Starbucks sign above my apartment door, I can’t be mad when people show up and try to take a [expletive] in my bathroom.” — TREVOR NOAH“But let’s be clear here: Covid is not over, all right? Some random dude can’t declare the end of the pandemic by dressing up like the Joker and making it rain. It’s not a thing. Only Anthony Fauci can declare the end of the pandemic by dressing up like the Joker and making it rain.” — TREVOR NOAH“But still, there’s no reason that you can’t celebrate spring break and wear a mask. It could be part of the fun. I mean, just think how sexy a wet mask contest could be, hmm? I mean, we haven’t seen mouths in a year — what’s under there?” — TREVOR NOAH“And if we learned anything from Miami, this is just a preview of how much everyone is going to get loose once the pandemic is truly over. People have been locked up for too long. Once it ends, everyone’s going to be drinking and partying, hooking up with everyone. It’s going to be so much that it’s going to create the next worldwide virus. Yeah, guys are going to be waking up in bed next to a bat like, ‘Uh-oh, I think I did it again.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Biden’s Trip Edition)“Our new president is on a roll, baby. Nothing can stop him now — except stairs.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He’s facing a lot of challenges in his first 100 days — the vaccine rollout, the crisis at the border, and what happened to Ms. Frizzle. Whew. But over the weekend, he faced his biggest challenge yet: staying upright.” — TREVOR NOAH“I’m sorry, guys, I honestly can’t believe that this happened. The president got knocked over by wind. This is going to be the first president where the Secret Service needs to carry around paperweights: ‘Hold on, sir, hold on. We got you, we got you — someone sneezed.’“ — TREVOR NOAH“He’s fine! Can we blame it on his dog, Major? No? Do it anyway.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s not like this just happened to Joe Biden, all right? It happens all the time. Biden tripped, Obama tripped, Mike Pence tripped. And the reason isn’t because they’re old — the reason is because they were running up and down stairs. You shouldn’t do that.” — TREVOR NOAH“That would never happen in Africa. I mean, mostly because our presidents fly commercial and they have to wait for their boarding group to be called, but you get what I mean.” — TREVOR NOAH“The point is we don’t think about it because we use stairs so much, all right? Nobody thinks about it, but stairs are basically an obstacle course. You take one wrong step and you’re going to eat [expletive]. And that’s one thing — one thing that my man Trump understood. You love him or hate him, but you’ve got to treat stairs with respect. He understood that. You walk up slowly, you hold the banister and you swear to God that if he lets you survive this, you will never walk up stairs ever again.” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s interesting — I feel like they’re the opposite with stairs and Covid. Like with Covid, Trump took no precautions; Biden took every precaution. But on stairs or ramps, Trump’s super careful, always holding the railing, going real slow. Whereas Biden throws caution to the wind, trips upstairs three times. So it’s interesting, you know? It just shows we all contain multitudes.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah looked into the gender disparities taking place as part of this year’s March Madness basketball tournament.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightMegan Mullally and Nick Offerman will catch up with Seth Meyers on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutPep band players can be some of the biggest basketball fans in the arena.Harry How/Getty ImagesOne noticeable difference for March Madness this year: no live bands. More