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      Stephen Colbert Is Thrilled to Have a President With a Plan

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightStephen Colbert Is Thrilled to Have a President With a Plan“Yesterday, President Biden announced a dramatic change to America’s Covid plan: There is one,” Colbert said on Wednesday.Stephen Colbert is optimistic that by Halloween, “the hottest costume is going to be sexy normal people saying hello. They’re sexy, because they can touch hands.”Credit…CBSJan. 28, 2021, 2:33 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Plan B(iden)“Yesterday, President Biden announced a dramatic change to America’s Covid plan: There is one,” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday night.Late-night hosts shared their enthusiasm about Biden’s promise that vaccination production and distribution will be ramping up.“That means February 2 — next week, Groundhog’s Day — Punxsutawney Phil can come out of his burrow and get vaccinated and stay within six feet of his shadow.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“On his first day in office, the president signed an order requiring masks in federal buildings and on federal lands. Then on his second day, Biden signed another order mandating masks in airports and on many planes, trains, ships and buses. And then on the third day, he just yelled ‘Let’s get loud!’ and took the rest of the day off.” — SAMANTHA BEE“The most exciting news: The federal government is buying enough additional doses to vaccinate 300 million Americans by the end of the summer. So next Halloween, you know the hottest costume is going to be sexy normal people saying hello. They’re sexy, because they can touch hands.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Fortunately, some states have recently changed their laws so more people are eligible to give shots. In New York, for example, that list now includes pharmacists, dentists and podiatrists. But still no-late night hosts, which is weird, considering how I’ve been consistently injecting giggles into the soul of America for five years now.” — SAMANTHA BEEThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Number Two Test Edition)“China has rolled out an anal swab coronavirus test, saying it’s more accurate than the throat method. It’s more accurate, but it’s still being called the number two test.” — JIMMY FALLON“So this is what they meant when they said the pandemic was finally starting to turn around.” — JAMES CORDEN“You know what? There’s a point at which I would rather just have the coronavirus.” — TREVOR NOAH“The plus side is with testing like this, you might not even need a vaccine. You just tell people, ‘Hey, we’re not having lockdowns, but every time you leave your apartment, some stranger’s going to shove a Q-Tip up your butt.’ We’ll be done with corona in, like, two weeks.” — TREVOR NOAH“They’re saying that the science shows that these swabs are more accurate than other forms of swab. The only trick is finding the right position to hang your butt out the window of your car.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And for even more accuracy, they do a nasal swab and an anal swab until they touch in the middle.” — JIMMY FALLON“We wanted to test people that way here at Television City, but CBS pooh-poohed it.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth Watching“Jimmy Kimmel Live” celebrated the 50th birthday of Guillermo, Kimmel’s beloved parking lot security guard turned onscreen sidekick.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightTerry Gross, the host of NPR’s “Fresh Air,” will appear on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe actress Cloris Leachman in 1974. She won accolades and an Academy Award for her dramatic work, but comedy was her forte.Credit…George Brich/Associated PressThe late Cloris Leachman will be remembered for a lengthy film and TV career, from “The Last Picture Show” to “Malcolm in the Middle.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Samantha Bee Welcomes America’s ‘Brand-New Very Old President’

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightSamantha Bee Welcomes America’s ‘Brand-New Very Old President’Bee and other hosts were relieved to see the Trump years finally end. “So that’s what it feels like when you’re not grinding your teeth,” Seth Meyers said.The Biden era has begun, and Samantha Bee couldn’t be happier. Credit…TBSJan. 21, 2021, 3:09 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘I Can See Colors Again’Late-night hosts were all too happy on Wednesday night to celebrate Inauguration Day, or what Seth Meyers referred to as “the catharsis of seeing a person who was not Donald Trump become the president of the United States.”President Biden received rave reviews from hosts like Samantha Bee, who was thrilled to announce, “We finally have a brand-new very old president!”“That’s right — Donald Trump is no longer the president of the United States. And look, this isn’t going to solve all our problems, but it will remove a big one. If you’re addicted to heroin, gambling and prostitutes and you only quit heroin, that’s still a huge step.” — SETH MEYERS“Wow, all right. So that’s what it feels like when you’re not grinding your teeth. I forgot, and I think — yeah, I can see colors again.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s a little like getting rid of the last guy at a party. You spent four years yawning and stretching, and hinting that he should get out, and when he finally leaves, it is a relief, until you remember you still have to clean up all his puke and he, like, puked everywhere.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s so nice to have a president with a soul again. The previous one sold his to the devil and didn’t even get Georgia out of the deal.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s like we’ve been on a ship that’s been in a storm for four years, and we just stepped onto dry land. I want to kiss the ground, but, you know, Covid, so I’m just going to — I’m just going to fist-bump it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And I’ll tell you something, I don’t know about America yet, but I feel great again.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“After four years of struggling just to slow down Trump’s malicious agenda, Democrats are in an unimaginable position: We can finally do things that help people.” — SAMANTHA BEE“To paraphrase Michelle Obama, ‘When they go low, we go J. Lo’ — and we did.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Today this country showed the world that there is no MyPillow large enough to smother our democracy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, I remember going back to the day Trump was inaugurated, such a terrible day, and wondering, can our country even survive four years of this? And now we know the answer: not really. Just barely.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was a bright sunny day in Washington, and now we have a president who knows not to stare directly at the sun.” — JIMMY FALLON“Right before the Bidens came out, something very auspicious happened: It started snowing. It’s an inauguration miracle! [singing to the tune of ‘Let It Snow’] Oh, the last guy in charge was frightful, but the new one seems delightful. And now there’s four years to go; President Joe, President Joe, President Joe.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I have to imagine this is what it feels like when the oncologist calls and tells you the tumor is benign.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Seriously, anyone else feel like they just lost 280 pounds?” — JIMMY FALLON“It feels like the country is back. Sure, the GPS took us on some crazy back roads for the last four years, but now we’re back on Main Street, and we can tell people we were lost.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Have a Good Life Edition)“I know a lot of you were expecting Trump’s speech to be weird and inappropriate. Well, you were 100 percent right.” — JIMMY FALLON“‘Have a good life?’ That’s not a presidential farewell. That’s what your high school crush writes in your yearbook as a final twist of the knife: ‘I guess we won’t be seeing each other with me going to Bryn Mawr and you staying here to chase your kickboxing dreams so, have a good life.’” — SETH MEYERS“Former President Trump concluded his remarks at this morning’s send-off at Joint Base Andrews by telling the crowd, quote, ‘We’ll see you soon.’ ‘We were about to say the same thing,’ said the Southern District of New York.” — SETH MEYERS“Although I do like how he said he’ll ‘be back in some form,’ because my man knows you gotta leave on a cliffhanger.” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s ominous. What form? A Demogorgon? A Horcrux? Maybe he’ll come back as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“‘In some form?’ What does that mean? [imitating Trump] ‘Whenever you see a black plastic bag stuck in a tree, or a vulture on the shoulder of the highway pulling the guts out of a dead raccoon, that’ll be me.’” — SETH MEYERS“OK, well at least he made it sound as creepy as possible.” — JAMES CORDEN“This is like the end of a bad movie where the villain says he will return, and you are like, ‘I don’t think this one is getting a sequel.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Who wrote this speech, Voldemort?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingA few friends helped Bee with a socially distanced crowd surf to mark the inauguration, including Jane Fonda, Cynthia Erivo and Catherine O’Hara.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSenator Bernie Sanders, whose wool mittens quickly got their own hashtag, will talk to Seth Meyers about his Inauguration Day experience on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutMatthew Teague in Fairhope, Ala.: “I wanted my wife’s legacy and memory to be one of enormous respect.”Credit…Akasha Rabut for The New York TimesAfter Hollywood optioned his devastating essay about his dying wife, the journalist Matthew Teague vowed the movie would do right by her. The reviews landed like a gut punch.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Some Republicans Finally Face ‘Their Biggest Fear: Reality,’ Colbert Says

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightSome Republicans Finally Face ‘Their Biggest Fear: Reality,’ Colbert SaysMitch McConnell’s congratulating Joe Biden on his victory in the election was big news among late-night hosts like Stephen Colbert.Stephen Colbert and others were pleased to see Senator Mitch McConnell and other Republicans acknowledge what they’ve known for weeks: Joe Biden won the election.Credit…CBSDec. 16, 2020Updated 2:44 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Wow, No Hurry, Mitch’Late-night hosts took great pleasure in Republicans like the Senate majority leader, Mitch McConnell, finally acknowledging Joe Biden’s election win on Tuesday.“The Trump train has a lot of empty seats,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.Stephen Colbert echoed his sentiments, saying that with the Electoral College result, “some Republicans have been forced to face their biggest fear: reality.”“McConnell said, ‘As of this morning, our country officially has a president-elect,’ as if we hadn’t had one for the 40 more days before that.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And you know Trump’s luck has run out now that Mitch McConnell has conceded the election, because forget Putin — if Mitch can’t find a way to subvert American democracy, then it just can’t be done.” — TREVOR NOAH“Wow, no hurry, Mitch. What else did you formally recognize, Alaskan statehood?” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, McConnell told Biden and Harris congrats, and then said, ‘I’m looking forward to making your next four years a living nightmare.’” — JIMMY FALLONBarr Beats the TrafficBill Barr’s resignation as attorney general was also big news on the late-night shows, and Seth Meyers was a tad verklempt.“Attorney General Bill Barr resigned yesterday, and I didn’t expect this, but I’m a little — I’m a little emotional about it. No, wait, nope. That was tear gas.” — SETH MEYERS“President Trump tweeted yesterday, ‘Just had a very nice meeting with Attorney General Bill Barr at the White House. Our relationship has been a very good one. He has done an outstanding job,’ which Twitter immediately flagged.” — SETH MEYERS“Bill Barr has resigned as attorney general, as opposed to before, when Barr was simply resigned to his fate of defending every stupid thing that Donald Trump has ever said.” — JAMES CORDEN“Seriously, Barr is quitting now? That’s like waiting until the last five minutes of ‘The Emoji Movie’ to walk out of the theater.” — JIMMY FALLON“Maybe now he’ll have time to finally read that Mueller Report.” — JAMES CORDEN“That’s right, Barr is leaving before Christmas to spend holidays with his family. Americans heard and were like, ‘Yeah, we all do that, but then we come back to work.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Barr and Trump — they couldn’t have been that close. They couldn’t have been close because otherwise Barr would have gotten coronavirus.” — JAMES CORDEN“Yes, Bill Barr has officially resigned, which surprised some people because for a long time, it seemed like he was ride or die with Trump. He whitewashed the Mueller Report, he protected Trump’s cronies, he even reportedly ordered peaceful protesters to be tear-gassed just so that Trump could walk over to a church and wave a Bible next to it. And when the White House chef prepared brussels sprouts, Barr would hide under the table so Trump could feed them to him.” — TREVOR NOAH“But Trump also wanted Barr to overturn the election results, and Barr wouldn’t do that. So one of two things has happened here: Either Barr quit because Trump became too bat[expletive] crazy even for him, or Trump fired Barr because he’s not bat[expletive] crazy enough to roll in this White House. Either way, this works out the best for Barr, because everyone is heading out on January 20, so this way, at least Bill Barr’s beating the traffic.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Ready for Contact Edition)“This must have been a punch in the McRib. Joe Biden got a congratulatory message from Trump’s KGBFF. Sugar Vladi Putin put out a statement acknowledging Biden’s victory. He said, ‘For my part I’m ready for cooperation and contacts with you,’ which will be easy because Russia just hacked all of our contacts.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But wait, if Putin’s offering a congratulatory handshake to Joe Biden, then what is Trump eating pellets out of?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“‘I am ready for interaction and contacts with you’? Putin doesn’t sound human; he sounds like a self-checkout at CVS: ‘Ready for interaction. Please to place item in the bag.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And, hey, even Vladimir Putin knows it’s over. And if someone who has had that much Botox can accept reality, you can, too.” — SETH MEYERS“‘I am ready for interaction and contacts with you.’ That’s actually what Mike Pence said on his honeymoon.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, guys, what a weird phrase: ‘I am ready for interaction and contacts with you.’ Sounds like Mike Pence getting frisky.” — TREVOR NOAH“Putin reached out to Biden. He was, like, ‘Send me everyone’s contact info. Oops, I already have. Heh, heh, heh.’ Then he said, ‘Send me everyone’s Netflix passwords. Oops, I already have, too.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Not a great look for Senate Republicans when the guy who interfered in our election is like [imitating Putin]: ‘Come on, he won. At a certain point, you guys are poisoning democracy, and not in the right way — with poison.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Even Putin recognized Biden’s win. That’s a tough break for Trump. In just a few days, his Supreme Court and his supreme leader went against him.” — JIMMY FALLON“I think Putin is relieved Trump is out. All day long he’s been singing, ‘Since you’ve been gone, I can breathe for the first time.’” — JIMMY FALLON“As if the news wasn’t bad enough for Trump, moments later, Rudy Giuliani popped into the Oval Office like, ‘Don’t worry boss, you still got me.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“Wonder Woman 1984” star Kristen Wiig nailed the mimic challenge on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightTom Hanks will check in with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe Blockbuster Video store in Bend, Ore., featured in the documentary “The Last Blockbuster.”Credit…1091 PicturesThe new documentary “The Last Blockbuster” reflects on the legacy of the home video chain and the industry as a whole.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Is Ready to Take Jabs

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best MoviesBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest TheaterBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Is Ready to Take Jabs“That’s right, people all across America are lining up for shots,” Jimmy Fallon said on Monday. “Normally, when that happens here in December, we call it SantaCon.”“What a moment for the country,” Jimmy Fallon said on Monday. “Right now, enthusiasm for the vaccine is somewhere between the new PS5 and the McRib.”Credit…NBCDec. 15, 2020, 2:03 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Shots, Shots, Shots, Shots!Late-night hosts celebrated on Monday what Trevor Noah referred to as the one thing Americans have been waiting for since March: “No, not Rihanna’s album — the vaccine.”“What a moment for the country,” Jimmy Fallon said, echoing the excitement. “Right now, enthusiasm for the vaccine is somewhere between the new PS5 and the McRib.”[embedded content]“This is the most excited I’ve been to watch someone else’s doctor appointment since Evel Knievel got a routine physical over Snake River Canyon.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But today was really special. Usually if I want to see people on TV who’ve gotten injections, I have to watch Bravo.” — JIMMY FALLON“Plus, they unveiled the brand-new post-shot sticker: ‘Crushing Covid-19, got my vaccine.’ A much better rhyme than 1885’s ‘Immune from cholera, now back to a life of squalor-a.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The first Covid vaccine in the U.S. has been given. It was a little less exciting when the nurse was handed a bill for 50 grand, but still.” — JIMMY FALLON“The very first dose went to a critical-care nurse in New York. Needless to say, her Tinder is blowing up.” — JAMES CORDEN“This must be what it felt like watching the moon landing. It was a historic scientific achievement that you just know a bunch of idiot jabronis are going to say was faked.” — SETH MEYERS“You know that 2020 has been weird because I’m looking at a person in a face mask getting injected and I’m thinking, ‘I cannot wait for that to be me.’” — JAMES CORDEN“I read that the vaccine needs to be stored at ultracold temperatures, around negative 100 degrees. In response, UPS workers looked at their shorts and said, ‘Yeah, it seems like more of a FedEx thing.’” — JIMMY FALLON“You realize this time next week, we’re all going to be back in the club, like, ‘Shots, shots, shots, shots — in my arm, please!’” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s right, people all across America are lining up for shots. Normally when that happens here in December, we call it SantaCon.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Huge if Still True Edition)“Huge news. Just moments before tonight’s taping, the Electoral College officially certified that Joe Biden won the 2020 presidential election — again. He did it; he’s still the winner!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Great, the guy hasn’t even taken office yet, but his election victory is already in its second term. We’re going to be seeing articles about Biden fatigue before Christmas.” — SETH MEYERS“This is a relief. I would hate to start another week of shows without talking about the same election results we’ve all known for the last month and a half.” — JAMES CORDEN“At this point, Joe Biden has won the election so many times, he’s our 46th through 51st president.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is also big news because this means after six agonizing weeks, the election is finally over. Stick a fork in the president; he’s done. Also, keep that fork handy because poking him in the butt might be the only way to get him out of the White House.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingMegan Thee Stallion performed a Santa-inspired remix of her hit song “Savage” on Monday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightAlanis Morissette will perform on Tuesday night’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutNat Wolff in the coming version of the Stephen King novel “The Stand,” which includes a new ending written by King.Credit…Robert Falconer/CBSStephen King reflects on small-screen adaptations of his horror stories, from “It” to an updated take of “The Stand.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More