Real Time With Bill Maher (TV Program)

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    Late Night on Trump, the Constitution and Playing With Dolls

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    On “Meet the Press” and social media, President Trump gave the hosts a lot of material to choose from, even by his standards.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Presidents Say the Darndest ThingsDuring a “Meet the Press” interview that aired on Sunday, President Trump was asked whether he had to uphold the Constitution. He replied, “I don’t know.”“Wow, they talked a lot about Biden’s mental decline, but this guy can’t even remember stuff from, like, four months ago,” Seth Meyers said on Monday.“Well, it’s been great, folks, but that’s it — I think we can roll credits on the United States.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“On ‘Millionaire,’ that’d be the warm-up question, like ‘What color is an orange?’ or ‘Name a planet with people on it.’ I mean, if you can’t answer that the president’s supposed to uphold the Constitution, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t even let you become a citizen.” — JON STEWART“It’s the same answer he gives when they ask where Melania lives: ‘I don’t know, I’d have to ask my lawyers.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The Constitution isn’t one of Don Jr.’s birthdays. You can’t just ignore it.” — JIMMY KIMMELTrump, asked about the economy, also doubled down on his suggestion that children could get by with fewer toys. “I don’t think a beautiful baby girl needs — that’s 11 years old needs to have 30 dolls,” he said. “I think they can have three dolls, or four dolls.”“Right, think of them like wives: Two, three, four would be a good number.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“All you need to know about the relationship he has with his daughters and granddaughters is he thinks 11-year-olds still play with dolls.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson. It’s a beautiful 11-year-old baby! You did so well in your 44th trimester.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In response, Pokémon has rolled out their new slogan: ‘Pokémon, Gotta Catch a Couple!’” — SETH MEYERS“I mean, who runs on a pledge of ‘Let’s make Christmas worse for children’?” — BILL MAHER“A billionaire telling kids they need to cut back on dolls. That is some world-class political messaging right there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Every interview now is like an episode of ‘Kids Say the Darndest Things.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (May the Fourth Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Pokes Fun at Trump’s Dismal Poll Numbers

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      Seth Meyers called Donald Trump “the most unpopular president since Kevin Spacey.” Even measles is polling better, according to Jimmy Fallon.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Down BadPresident Trump will mark 100 days in office this week, but most of the country won’t be celebrating, to judge from his falling poll numbers.On Monday, Seth Meyers said Trump was “killing it — and by ‘it,’ I mean his approval ratings.”“Donald Trump is the most unpopular president since Kevin Spacey.” — SETH MEYERS“After almost 100 days in office, Trump is as popular as Kanye at a bat mitzvah.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Time really flies when you’re in the fetal position, doesn’t it? — BILL MAHER“In the ABC poll, more than 70 percent of Americans say the economy today is either ‘not so good’ or ‘poor.’ The other 30 percent are either in a coma or in his cabinet or both.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, Trump’s approval rating is down to 39 percent. Even measles is polling at 40 percent.” — JIMMY FALLON“In a post on Truth Social yesterday, President Trump urged House Republicans to skip a celebration of his first 100 days in office to vote on his tax bill. Oh, I hate to break it to you, buddy — there wasn’t going to be a celebration.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Cedric the Entertainer Edition)“For whatever reason, even though the Vatican dress code specifically recommended a dark suit for the service, Trump showed up in his bluest blue suit, something from the Cedric the Entertainer funeral collection.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump wore his blue suit, and Melania wore her wedding dress.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump thought it was a funeral for his holiness, Papa Smurf.” — JIMMY FALLON“Meanwhile, Trump wore a black suit for a week after Hooters went out of business.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Oh, Mary!” star Cole Escola showed Stephen Colbert how to play a straight guy on Monday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightJulia Louis-Dreyfus will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This Out“This is where I belong, these are my people,” Sister Monica Clare said. “I never thought I would find that.”Lila Barth for The New York TimesSister Monica Clare presents a compelling argument for convents in her popular TikTok content and a new memoir. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Praises Pope Francis for Going Out With a Mic Drop

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      “Is there anything more Catholic than waiting until Monday to die so you don’t upstage Jesus Christ?” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Pope Version of a Mic Drop’Pope Francis died on Monday, just one day after meeting with Vice President JD Vance at the Vatican on Easter Sunday and leading Mass in St. Peter’s Square.“Is there anything more Catholic than waiting until Monday to die so you don’t upstage Jesus Christ?” Jimmy Kimmel said.“I mean, I don’t think there is. It’s the Pope version of a mic drop, really.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, man, what a way to go, huh? I mean, ‘Holy Father, do you have any last wishes?’ ‘Well, not this. Not this. Not a meet and greet with Vice President Maybelline, no thank you.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Shortly after his visit, Vance tweeted, ‘Today I met with the Holy Father Pope Francis. I am grateful for his invitation to meet, and I pray for his good health. Happy Easter!’ So now we know JD Vance is bad at praying, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Then Trump announced that he will be attending the Pope’s funeral. He said they’re ‘looking forward to being there!’ like he got tickets to Coachella or something. What are the chances Trump declares himself Pope? They’re not zero.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Easter Messaging Edition)“On Easter Sunday, President Trump wrote, ‘Happy Easter to all, including the radical left lunatics bringing murderers, drug lords, dangerous prisoners, the mentally insane, and MS-13 gang members and wife beaters back into our country.’ He then deported the Easter Bunny to El Salvador.” — GREG GUTFELD“We have a president who addresses the nation like the Zodiac Killer on Easter Sunday.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, my gosh, my favorite holiday on the Christian calendar: the day when we celebrate Jesus being resurrected from the dead. Or, as Elon Musk sees it, an elaborate scheme to defraud Social Security.” — BILL MAHER“Trump is honoring the day by locking up guys named Jesus, and he pardoned Pontius Pilate.” — BILL MAHER“We see Melania and the Easter Bunny on the same schedule — once a year at this time.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian George Wallace and the political commentator Alyssa Farah Griffin weighed in on Bernie Sanders’s surprise appearance at Coachella on Saturday’s “Have I Got News For You.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightRepresentative Jasmine Crockett will appear on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutSome of the biggest names in American culture have skated, danced or nervously shimmied their way down this corridor.Bethany Mollenkof for The New York Times“The Jennifer Hudson Show” has taken over TikTok with its “spirit tunnel” video clips. More

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      Late Night Weighs In on Trump’s Perfect Physical

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      “The doctor said Trump’s BMI is 28,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “Right, and so is his next wife, by the way.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Picture of HealthThe results of President Trump’s annual physical exam described a man in “excellent health.”“Of course he is,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday. “He eats right, he avoids unhealthy foods, diet soda. He manages stress, he doesn’t hang onto anger, he gets a good night’s sleep, he limits his time on social media, he spends lots of time with loved ones, and gets plenty of exercise getting in and out of that golf cart.”“And he’s got a body like Brad Pitt to show it.” — JIMMY KIMMELHe “gave Trump a clean bill of health, saying, ‘his active lifestyle continues to contribute significantly to his well-being’ including his ‘frequent victories in golf events,’ adding, his well-being is also due to a cruel, indifferent universe where good, hardworking people are routinely diagnosed with terminal illnesses, but an objectively evil monster who only eats cheeseburgers and fried chicken lives forever. The world is chaos, there is no god, proven by his frequent victories in golf events.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Dr. Barbabella claims that Trump is 6-feet-3, which he is not. He weighs 224 pounds. Just for comparison, Green Bay Packers quarterback Jordan Love is 6-4, 219 pounds. Honestly, it’s difficult to tell them apart.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m going to say no to either of those numbers. I don’t want to be that guy, but he has a front butt.” — JON STEWART“Maybe they just weighed Trump’s head.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The doctor said Trump’s BMI is 28. Right, and so is his next wife, by the way.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Barbabella, good man and thorough, wrote: ‘I performed and supervised the comprehensive exam, which included diagnostic and laboratory testing, as well as consultations with 14 specialty consultants.’ ’Cause nothing says good health like your doctor saying, ‘I think you’re fine. I just need to consult with 14 specialty consultants.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Taking Space Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Maher Knocks Trump’s Gutting of the Federal Work Force

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      “America is in shock that the guy whose catchphrase was ‘You’re fired’ is firing everybody in government,” Bill Maher said of President Trump on “Real Time.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Hulk SmashPresident Donald Trump’s first month in office has been eventful.On Friday’s episode of “Real Time,” the host Bill Maher referred to the last several days as “week four of Hulk smash,” saying that Trump’s administration “dissects a frog with a hand grenade — this is their method.”“We were so scared that the government was going to turn into ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ that we didn’t see that the big threat was from the guys on ‘The Big Bang Theory.’” — BILL MAHER“America is in shock that the guy whose catchphrase was ‘You’re fired’ is firing everybody in government.” — BILL MAHER“He wants to suck our blood? That is not what I voted for when I voted for Dracula.” — BILL MAHER“Maybe this is why Gen Z’s approval rating of Trump has dropped 30 points in one month. Hey, kids, a little tip: The time to pay attention is before the election.” — BILL MAHER“Look, I believe government is too bloated, but the way they’re doing it is ridiculous and horrible and now they went — maybe this is the one that’s too far — they went and fired almost everybody in the agency that’s responsible for maintaining our nuclear weapons. Fired — and then, of course, they had to walk that back because somebody said, ‘This is a national security crisis.’ Duh.” — BILL MAHERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Presidents’ Day Edition)”It is Presidents’ Day, so to those who celebrate, why?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“All government offices will be closed, although I think that was the plan anyway.” — BILL MAHER“When I was a kid, it wasn’t Presidents’ Day; we celebrated Washington and Lincoln’s birthdays. Every February, we would hang our stockings and wait for Abraham Lincoln to fill them with wooden teeth.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian Andy Richter and the lawyer and activist George Conway joined the panelists to dog DOGE on the Season 2 premiere of “Have I Got News For You.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightGeorge Clooney will discuss his Broadway debut in “Good Night, and Good Luck” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutDozens of current and former “Saturday Night Live” cast members, along with dozens of former hosts and musicians, gathered onstage with the show’s creator, Lorne Michaels (front row, second from left), to close out the show.Theo Wargo/NBC, via Getty ImagesThe “Saturday Night Live” 50th anniversary special was sweet, self-satirizing and star-studded. More

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      Late Night Makes Its Last Jokes About Biden Pardoning Turkeys

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      Although Thanksgiving was still three days away, “the turkeys looked at Biden and said, ‘We better get this done,’” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lucky BirdsPresident Biden pardoned his last two Thanksgiving turkeys on Monday.Although the holiday was still three days away, “the turkeys looked at Biden and said, ‘We better get this done,’” Jimmy Fallon said.“Today on the South Lawn of the White House, President Biden pardoned two turkeys from Minnesota named Peach and Blossom. Those aren’t turkey names. Peach and Blossom sound like the special guests at a bachelor party.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden today presided over the annual White House turkey pardon. Well, he didn’t exactly pardon them, he just turned the investigation over to Merrick Garland, and then it just kind of petered out.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s kind of miraculous that these turkeys were able to get pardons without Ryan Murphy even doing a show about them on Netflix.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, President Biden presided over the annual White House turkey pardon and granted clemency to Peach, Blossom and, before anyone noticed, Hunter.” — SETH MEYERS“Yep, Biden promised that the turkeys would not get killed this November. Democrats were like, ‘Hey, that’s what you said to us.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I hope everyone enjoyed the pardoning, because next year, under Trump, those turkeys will be Matt Gaetz and Rudy Giuliani.” — JIMMY FALLONBah, HumbugOn his last episode of “Real Time” for the year, Bill Maher argued that Americans should forget politics and enjoy Christmas.“Enough! It’s [expletive] Christmas, and you will act like it,” Maher said. “’Tis the season, and all that.”We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Is Appalled by Trump’s Mile-High McDonald’s Feast

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      The president-elect dined on his plane with some associates — including Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who hates fast food. Jimmy Kimmel called it a “subservience test.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not-So-Happy MealOver the weekend, President-elect Donald Trump shared a photo from his private plane, showing him eating McDonald’s with Elon Musk, Donald Trump Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as Speaker Mike Johnson peeked into the frame.“Only Donald Trump would force his new health czar to eat McDonald’s,” Jimmy Kimmel said, referring to Kennedy. “That’s what he does, these are subservience tests.” “This is like the Last Supper, but everyone is Judas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I love that they essentially hazed R.F.K. Jr., who rails against processed food and has called fast food poison, by not only making him eat McDonald’s but forcing him to take a picture while doing it.” — SETH MEYERS“You can tell it’s McDonald’s, because that is a grimace.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Look at R.F.K. Jr. He’s holding that McDonald’s the way you hold a bag of weed you found in your kid’s room.” — SETH MEYERS“That is the most powerful assemblage of junk food since the Yalta Conference party sub.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Look, I know Trump has been accused and found guilty of many crimes, but certainly none worse than ‘brings Filet-O-Fish on a plane.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT‘There’s No Monopoly on Stupid’On “Real Time,” Bill Maher chided Democrats for losing touch with the average American, saying the party had become “a ‘Portlandia’ sketch.”“Maybe take the clothespins off your noses and actually converse with the other half of the country. Stop screaming at people to get with the program and instead make a program worth getting with.” — BILL MAHER“You love to speak truth to power, and we always should, but you have completely lost the ability to speak truth to [expletive].” — BILL MAHER“You just lost a crazy contest to an actual crazy person.” — BILL MAHER“Even the one concession I’ve heard a few people on the losing side offer — that liberals should stop saying that Trump voters are stupid — comes with a kind of unspoken parentheses: ‘We know they are stupid, just don’t say it.’ Yeah, I got bad news for you: They don’t have a monopoly on stupid.” — BILL MAHERGreg Gutfeld had similar thoughts about the Democrats on Monday.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Bill Maher Says Show Will Return Despite Writers’ Strike

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      The HBO host said he sympathized with the writers but needed to return for the good of other people who work on “Real Time With Bill Maher.”Bill Maher said his weekly HBO show would return to the air despite entertainment writers, including members of his own staff, still being on strike.“Real Time With Bill Maher” is the latest talk show to announce a return in recent days, even as the writers’ union has vowed to picket any “struck shows.”Drew Barrymore announced this week that she would begin taping new episodes of her talk show. “The Jennifer Hudson Show” and “The Talk” will also return. Other talk shows, including “The View” and “Live With Kelly and Mark,” have been taping throughout the strike.Mr. Maher said on his social media feeds on Wednesday night that it was “time to bring people back to work.”“The writers have important issues that I sympathize with, and hope they are addressed to their satisfaction, but they are not the only people with issues, problems, and concerns,” he wrote. “Despite some assistance from me, much of the staff is struggling mightily.”He also said he had been hopeful there would be some sort of resolution to the labor dispute by Labor Day, but “that day has come and gone, and there still seems to be nothing happening.”The writers have been on strike for 136 days, one of the longest screenwriter strikes ever (the longest was 153 days in 1988). Tens of thousands of actors have been on strike for two months as well, the first time writers and actors have walked out at the same time since 1960. The result has been a near-complete shutdown of Hollywood scripted production.There was hope throughout the entertainment industry that a resolution could be in the offing when the major Hollywood studios and leaders of the Writers Guild of America, the writers’ union, resumed negotiations last month after a lengthy stalemate. But over the past three weeks, bargaining has again stalled out, frustrating some big-name Hollywood showrunners in the process.More than 11,000 writers walked out in early May, arguing that their compensation levels and working conditions have deteriorated in the streaming era. The strike caused many talk shows to go dark, including “The Tonight Show,” “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” and “Saturday Night Live.”After Ms. Barrymore announced that she was returning to her show, the backlash from writers — as well as others on social media — was swift. The Writers Guild promptly picketed outside the show’s studio. The National Book Foundation dropped Ms. Barrymore as host of the upcoming National Book Awards.In a statement on Wednesday night, the Writers Guild called Mr. Maher’s decision “disappointing,” and said that members would begin picketing the HBO show.“As a W.G.A. member, Bill Maher is obligated to follow the strike rules and not perform any writing services,” the guild said. “It is difficult to imagine how ‘Real Time’ can go forward without a violation of W.G.A. strike rules taking place.”Other talk show hosts have showed no indications of returning to work. Five late-night hosts — Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers and Mr. Maher’s HBO colleague John Oliver — have instead started a group podcast, “Strike Force Five.” Proceeds are going to their out-of-work staff.During the 2007 writers’ strike, which lasted 100 days, late-night shows returned after two months, even with writers still on picket lines. The “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno was reprimanded by the Writers Guild for performing a monologue that he wrote himself.Mr. Maher said on Wednesday that he would not perform a monologue or other “written pieces,” and would instead focus on the panel discussions that are a signature of the show.“I love my writers, I am one of them, but I’m not prepared to lose an entire year and see so many below-the-line people suffer so much,” he said. More