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    Late Night Wastes No Time Jumping on Jim Jordan’s Troubles

    The guest host of “The Daily Show,” Michael Kosta, likened Congress to Mitch McConnell on Tuesday: “totally frozen, and no one knows how to fix it.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Only 14 More Rounds to GoJim Jordan lost a vote to be elected speaker of the House on Tuesday, with 20 Republicans withholding support from the ultraconservative representative from Ohio.With Jordan struggling in the face of unyielding opposition, a second vote was delayed. The guest host of “The Daily Show,” Michael Kosta, likened Congress to Mitch McConnell: “totally frozen, and no one knows how to fix it.”“During the first ballot in today’s House speakership vote, Ohio congressman Jim Jordan fell short of the 217 votes necessary to become speaker, but Republicans are determined to keep trying until they finally get it wrong.” — SETH MEYERS“Insiders are saying that one of Jordan’s biggest hurdles is that no one likes him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They did this once before with Kevin McCarthy, where it took 15 votes to get elected — so only 14 more rounds to go.” — JIMMY FALLON“You can tell after the first vote that Jordan was getting desperate, because he changed his name from Jim to ‘Michael B.,’ and it didn’t help.” — JIMMY FALLON, referring to Michael B. Jordan, the actor“They haven’t had a speaker for two weeks; there’s no end in sight. Maybe it’s time we take away their right to choose.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Danger Zone Edition)“President Biden is headed to Israel tomorrow, which, wasn’t sending an 80-year-old on a dangerous mission across the globe the plot of the last Indiana Jones movie? And I’m not sure that went great.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“President Biden is facing this issue head-on and going straight into a war zone. He is flying to Israel tonight, although, he is 80 years old, so he did get to the airport two days ago.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I am proud of Biden for putting himself in harm’s way. Although, let’s be honest, Biden doing anything pretty much puts him in harm’s way. A rocket strike is dangerous, but so’s a bicycle.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I bet he can cool things down there because if there is one thing Biden is good at, it’s cooling things down, whether it is a war, heated rhetoric or voter enthusiasm.” — MICHAEL KOSTAThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers delivered his lost “Ya Burnt” segment, which had been scheduled to air the night after the writers’ strike kicked off in May.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightIssa Rae, the star of the film “American Fiction,” will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“I never thought I would get here,” Cher said of this stage of her career. “While I was busy being Cher, how did this happen? No one’s given me any info.”Nina Westervelt for The New York TimesCher’s new holiday album, “Christmas,” includes a re-up of “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” featuring Darlene Love — whose classic 1963 version of the song featured a then-17-year-old Cher on backup vocals. More

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    Jimmy Kimmel Wants to Be Included in Trump’s Gag Order

    “I don’t know about you — I saw the whole thing happen,” Kimmel said Monday, wondering who counted as a witness in Trump’s election interference case.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump Gets GaggedA judge imposed a limited gag order on former President Donald Trump on Monday, barring him from publicly attacking court staff members, specific prosecutors and witnesses involved in the federal case over his efforts to overturn the 2020 election.Jimmy Kimmel wondered who exactly counted as a witness, telling viewers, “I don’t know about you — I saw the whole thing happen.”“Trump’s lawyer said he had no intention of intimidating any witnesses or court staff, including the judge, Tanya Chutkan, the one who lives at 2747 Maple View Lane, white Nissan Sentra parked outside.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, Trump is prohibited from posting statements about the special counsel, his staff, the judge’s staff, witnesses and, here’s where it gets worse for him: windmills, windmills killing birds, windmills killing whales, windmills killing birds that come back to life and kill whales, toilets, toilets that don’t flush, toilets that do flush, and toilets that flush louder than windmills killing killer whales that come back to life to kill birds.” — SETH MEYERS“Good luck getting Donald Trump to stop talking. The guy is probably still spilling national secrets, just out on the golf course like, [imitating Trump] ‘Should I go with a 4-iron or a 5-iron? That reminds me, four and five — first two numbers in the nuclear codes. And guess what numbers come next? You’ll never guess; I’ll just tell you.’” — MICHAEL KOSTA“But even with this gag order, Trump’s still allowed to disparage the Justice Department, President Biden and other perceived enemies as long as what he says doesn’t directly reference his case, which, that should be no problem. This is a man who chooses his words very carefully.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Speak For Yourself Edition)“Jim Jordan has been in Congress for 16 years. He hasn’t sponsored a single bill that passed. For real — zero bills passed in 16. Even George Santos is like, ‘You suck, man.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But these Republicans are in a tough spot. I mean, either they cave to the extremists in their party who want to impeach Joe Biden and hand Ukraine over to Putin, or they work with the Democrats who want to fight climate change and give sick people health care. So it’s a no-win situation, really. “ — JIMMY KIMMEL“You could not pick a worse man for speaker of the House, and keep in mind the G.O.P. just had Kevin McCarthy, so they tried.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, Republicans and Democrats are talking about a bipartisan solution to finding a speaker. That’s how crazy things have gotten; our government is so dysfunctional, it might become functional.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingUma Thurman and Jimmy Fallon compared notes about parenting daughters on Monday’s “The Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightRachel Maddow will discuss her new book, “Prequel: An American Fight Against Fascism,” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMadonna performing in London on Saturday, her first time on the road since 2020.Kevin Mazur/WireImage for Live NationMadonna’s career-spanning Celebration Tour is a bona fide dance party to the pop icon’s biggest hits. More

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    Seth Meyers Contemplates the 2024 Presidential Matchup

    Meyers said a Biden-versus-Trump rematch would be “like a book club you feel obligated to attend.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Painful Re-pairingBefore the Hollywood writers’ strike was announced on Monday, Seth Meyers ruminated on the forthcoming 2024 presidential campaign, wondering who might be the Republican front-runner.“We’re still a year and a half away, so a lot could change,” Meyers said. “Like, I don’t know, the Republican nominee could be running while under house arrest.”“Ron DeSantis was supposed to help the G.O.P. move past the former president, but he has one big political liability: He’s Ron DeSantis.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A Biden-versus-Trump rematch is like a book club you feel obligated to attend even though everyone there annoys the [expletive] out of you.” — SETH MEYERS“At this point, the Biden-Trump rematch just feels like your six-month checkup at the dentist. Like, when they ask you when you want to come back, you want to say ‘Never’ but, you know you just have to pick a random Tuesday in November and get it over with.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (White House Correspondents’ Dinner Edition)“Speaking of Biden, on Saturday night, he gave some remarks at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yep, Biden made jokes about his age, Ron DeSantis, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Fox News. Afterwards he called me up and said, ‘Jimmy, I’ve gotta say your job’s not that hard.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Biden took a few shots over the weekend at the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner, which, you know, Trump never went to this event when he was in office. Hard to believe he doesn’t have a great sense of humor about himself.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSasha Colby, the most recent winner on “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” sat down with correspondent-turned-guest host Dulce Sloan on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What to Expect on Tuesday NightIt is unlikely that any late night shows will be taped on Tuesday because of the strike. Earlier, British singer-songwriter Arlo Parks had been scheduled to perform on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutCovers of some of the books out in May.The New York TimesTom Hanks’ debut novel and a landmark biography of Martin Luther King Jr. are two of 13 recommended new books coming in May. More

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    Late Night Hosts Fight Over the Best Bits on the Final ‘Late Late Show’

    Jimmy Kimmel suggested that after leaving late night, James Corden should “stick to corporate gigs, podcasts, maybe ‘The Masked Singer.’”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Eight Years of ‘Late Late’James Corden signed off Thursday after eight years as the host of “The Late Late Show.” He followed a prime-time send-off special with one last show in his usual late-night slot, with his parents teary-eyed in the audience and with Harry Styles and Will Ferrell as guests.For one final time, it’s #SpillYourGuts with Will Ferrell and @Harry_Styles! pic.twitter.com/xb3Sokl2Dc— The Late Late Show with James Corden (@latelateshow) April 28, 2023
    “This is it, gang, this is it. It’s the final ‘Late Late Show’ in the history of CBS,” Corden said at the top of the show. “I’m telling you tonight, finally, we are determined to get it right this time.”Corden thanked viewers by name for tuning in (“Dan, Stephanie, William — that’s it, really.”) and received a special video send-off from President Biden. “That is amazing, although there was a minute in the middle when I was watching that, where in those photos I go, ‘Wait, have I died?’” Corden said.But it was a visit from his fellow late-night hosts that was the last “Late Late Show” bit worth watching.“First things first, you can’t look like you’re enjoying retirement too much.” — SETH MEYERS”You’re going to grow a beard — a huge one. One that says, ‘God spoke to me from a bush.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And don’t get any big ideas — stick to corporate gigs, podcasts, maybe ‘The Masked Singer.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe hosts simultaneously fought for what comedy bit they wanted now that Corden was going off air and, despite chiding Corden for singing and dancing too much on his show, they answered in unison: “Carpool Karaoke.”The Punchiest Punchlines (Tucker Tok Edition)“After being fired from Fox News on Monday, Tucker Carlson posted a video last night to Twitter and said, ‘Where can you still find Americans saying true things?’ Well, hell, you’ve already tried Fox News and Twitter. I’m out of ideas. I don’t know — maybe Wall Street?” — SETH MEYERS“Nothing says, ‘I landed on my feet’ like ranting in a decommissioned sauna.” — JIMMY FALLON“Wow, good for Tucker. Even though he’s isolated in a remote cabin somewhere, he’s still getting his message out, just like the Unabomber.” — DESI LYDIC, guest host of “The Daily Show”“Although it is funny how he said, ‘When you step outside the noise, people are actually pretty nice.’ Buddy, you are the noise. Your entire show was you being mean to people — trans people, immigrants, women, lady M&Ms. Tucker complaining about people being mean is like Guy Fieri complaining about how there are no salad shows.” — DESI LYDIC“Yep, Tucker criticized the current state of debate on television, then said, ‘And that’s why I chose to be fired.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He’s been fired by Fox, CNN, MSNBC and PBS. That’s like the EGOT of cable news.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actor and talk show host Drew Barrymore popped by the “Tonight Show” for “Ew!,” with Jimmy Fallon and the singer-songwriter Charlie Puth.Also, Check This OutGeorgia O’Keeffe’s “Evening Star No. III” from the new exhibition “To See Takes Time.” Georgia O’Keeffe Museum/Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York; via Museum of Modern ArtA new Georgia O’Keeffe show at the Museum of Modern Art spans more than four decades, featuring 120 works on paper and eight paintings. More

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    Seth Meyers Speculates About Why Fox Dumped Tucker Carlson

    Meyers joked that “firing Tucker for racism now after tolerating it for so long would be like canceling ‘Sesame Street’ because you just found out they were puppets.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Cutting TiesFox News has not said why it ousted Tucker Carlson.Late-night hosts speculated he was let go because of the text messages he sent deriding former President Donald Trump and Fox executives.“Fox couldn’t have cared less when Tucker was saying vulgar, offensive stuff on television about other people, but when he said it in private about Fox News executives, they were suddenly outraged,” Seth Meyers said.“I have no idea why he got fired. Fox had no problem with his cruelty, racism and paranoid conspiracy theories, so I doubt he got fired for that. I mean, firing Tucker for racism now — after tolerating it for so long — would be like canceling ‘Sesame Street’ because you just found out they were puppets.” — SETH MEYERS“Whenever something really big happens that involves Fox News, the last people to hear about it are usually the people who watch Fox News. The network tends to hide news about itself from its own viewers. Last night there were probably a bunch of 80-year-olds watching substitute host Brian Kilmeade, saying, ‘Tucker looks different now. ’” — SETH MEYERS“Man, when Fox cuts ties with someone, they cut ties. That’s the Fox News version of rolling up someone in a carpet and throwing them in the East River.” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, Tucker has a huge following among racist lunatics and people who also want to [expletive] the green M&M.” — SETH MEYERS“It would also be weird if he got fired for being obsessed with incredibly weird [expletive] because that’s also been his thing forever, whether it was sexy candy, or eating bugs, or — this is real — testicle tanning.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Dossier of Dirt Edition)“In honor of Lesbian Visibility Week, the cast of ‘The L Word: Generation Q’ yesterday visited the White House, said Tucker Carlson to a houseplant.” — SETH MEYERS“No one’s heard from Tucker since his surprise firing on Monday, except the pillow he’s been screaming into.” — DESI LYDIC, guest host of “The Daily Show”“Fox News executives reportedly have a dossier of dirt on him. Yeah, to keep him from attacking the network. That’s right, they apparently have him saying the most vile things you can imagine, and the way they compiled it — and this is genius — is by turning on his television show and pressing record.” — DESI LYDIC“One secret weapon Fox News has that they could use to embarrass him is every episode of his show. That’s for starters.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But what could they have on Tucker Carlson that would embarrass him? Did he once try to buy a fuel-efficient car? I mean, does he have a collection of paintings that weren’t by Hitler?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingBlack Thought and El Michels Affair brought the soul singer Kirby onto “The Tonight Show” for a performance of “Glorious Game” on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJames Corden will be joined by Harry Styles and Will Ferrell for his “Late Late Show” finale on Thursday.Also, Check This OutWynonna Judd in a scene from the new documentary about her. Paramount+“Wynonna Judd: Between Hell and Hallelujah” follows the singer on a tour she was supposed to share with her mother, the late Naomi Judd. More

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    Late Night Reacts to Biden’s Bid for Re-Election

    “If the economy collapses, he could just find a never-ending supply of quarters behind your ear,” Desi Lydic joked on the “Daily Show” on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Gives New Meaning to ‘Eighty-Sixed’On Tuesday, President Biden announced he will run for re-election, and late night responded with some bristling about his age.“The Daily Show” guest host Desi Lydic joked that he wasn’t exactly “running” — he was more accurately “stair lifting for re-election.”“If Joe Biden does win, he would be 86 years old when he reaches the end of his second term, hopefully, which is one reason why 70 percent of Americans don’t think he should run again. And to be fair, 86 is old — not just for president, but for any job. If my Lyft driver rolled up and was 86 years old, I’d be like, ‘Do you need help getting home?’” — DESI LYDIC“But I don’t know, maybe it would be good to have an old man president. If the economy collapses, he could just find a never-ending supply of quarters behind your ear.” — DESI LYDIC“His face could be on money while he is still in office.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, Biden will be the oldest person to ever run for president. So, in two years, he’ll either be leader of the free world or a greeter at Walmart.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Finish the Job’ Edition)“Biden’s campaign slogan is ‘Finish the job.’ Finish the job. Americans said they’d be happy if he could just finish a story.’” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden announced today that he will run for a second term and said, ‘Let’s finish the job.’ Yeah, good idea. It would be nice to have a country where a guy could safely retire before he’s 86.” — SETH MEYERS“‘Finish the job’ — it sounds like something your fighter yells in a knockoff version of ‘Mortal Kombat.’” — JIMMY FALLON“According to polls, most Democrats don’t want Biden to run again. Then Biden said, ‘Hey, none of you wanted ‘Avatar 2’ either, but look how that turned out.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Can you imagine if it’s Biden versus Trump again? That’s like going into a diner, and the only things on the menu are 2-day-old egg salad and Donald Trump. I guess I’ll take my chances with the egg salad.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actor Natalie Portman recreated iconic roles from her career alongside the host James Corden in his final installment of “Role Call” on “The Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe author Judy Blume will talk about the long-awaited film adaptation of her best-selling novel “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutAnne Pasternak, who was appointed director of the Brooklyn Museum in 2015, is part of a wave of women who have risen to lead roles at major museums.Hilary Swift for The New York TimesMore than ever, women are running major museums like the Louvre, the Vatican Museums and the National Gallery of Art. More

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    Late Night Responds to Fox News’s Ouster of Tucker Carlson

    Seth Meyers joked it would be funny if Fox News “replaced him at 8 p.m. with the new green M&M.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.With ‘Fox and Friends’ Like TheseFox News announced on Monday that its star host Tucker Carlson was out, effective immediately.Seth Meyers joked it would be funny if the network “replaced him at 8 p.m. with the new green M&M.”“And, honestly, with ‘Fox and Friends’ like these, who needs enemies?” — JAMES CORDEN“Fox really knows how to disappear someone. I’m shocked they didn’t just go with this as their statement: ‘Tucker Carlson has not now and has never been employed by this network. We don’t know who that is, and we’ve never even heard the name. Tune in tonight at 8 p.m. for our nightly newscast hosted, as always, by Fox News stalwart, white, blond lady, blue dress.’” — SETH MEYERS“Now, apparently, Tucker was forced out by Rupert Murdoch, which is pretty ironic. Tucker spent so many years saying that Mexican people were coming to take our jobs away. Turns out, he should have been worrying about Australians.” — DESI LYDIC, guest host of “The Daily Show”“They say Rupert Murdoch made this decision, so this is more like an episode of ‘Succession’ than last night’s episode of ‘Succession.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And we still don’t know exactly what led Rupert Murdoch to fire his network’s biggest star, but, reportedly, he was concerned over Carlson’s conspiracy theories about Jan. 6. So let this be a lesson to everybody: If you try to topple America’s democracy, you can stay on TV for two more years and that’s it!” — DESI LYDIC“At least when he had a show, we knew where he was. It’s creepy trying to fall asleep with a ventriloquist’s dummy in your room, but it’s way creepier when you wake up and it’s not there anymore.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (When Life Hands You Lemons Edition)“By the way, Tucker Carlson isn’t the only cable news anchor to get the ax. CNN just fired Don Lemon after 17 New Year’s Eve blackouts — sorry, years of service.” — DESI LYDIC“Don Lemon and Tucker Carlson — for those of you who don’t follow cable news, this is like if Ronald McDonald and the Burger King got fired on the same day.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Fox knows their viewers are going to miss Tucker, so until they find a replacement, his show will be hosted by a golf shirt with the collars popped.” — JIMMY FALLON“Some people aren’t sure what led to his exit, but Fox says they can think of almost of a billion reasons why.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Tucker Carlson is out. When he heard, Vladimir Putin was like, ‘Damn, we need a new P.R. guy.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Tucker Carlson has now worked at and left MSNBC, CNN and Fox News. He’s running out of options now. Like soon he’s just going to be on the Weather Channel, saying that hurricanes are caused by drag queens.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingRomeo Santos, the “king of bachata,” performed his songs “Solo Conmigo” and “Suegra” on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe actress Natalie Portman will take a seat on the couch across from James Corden on Tuesday’s “The Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutLizzy Caplan and Joshua Jackson in “Fatal Attraction,” which updates the 1980s erotic thriller and relocates the story to Los Angeles.Michael Moriatis/Paramount+Lizzy Caplan takes on the lethally dangerous role first made famous by Glenn Close in the new Paramount+ television adaptation of the film “Fatal Attraction.” More

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    Late Night Laughs at Elon Musk’s SpaceX Explosion

    “When people saw the rocket light up and start smoking, they were like, ‘All right, happy 4/20, everybody!’” Jimmy Fallon joked on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Light It UpSpaceX and its chief executive, Elon Musk, saw the company’s Starship rocket explode on Thursday, just four minutes after launch.“Yeah at first, when people saw the rocket light up and start smoking, they were like, ‘All right, happy 4/20, everybody!’” Jimmy Fallon joked.“SpaceX is now saying they triggered the explosion, but originally when it happened, they called it a ‘rapid unscheduled disassembly.’ That sounds like what celebrities say when they’re getting divorced: ‘Our marriage is going through a rapid unscheduled disassembly — please respect our privacy at this time.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I have to hand it to him — ‘rapid unscheduled disassembly’ is one hell of a way to describe your rocket blowing up. That’s up there with ‘wardrobe malfunction’ and ‘conscious uncoupling.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Right after the giant explosion, Elon was like, ‘Oh, crap, did we launch a Tesla by mistake?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Elon’s defenders were quick to point out that this was only a test and the rocket was actually supposed to explode, which is definitely what I would say if my $3 billion rocket exploded.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Expensive Overcompensation Edition)“And to the haters who said Musk couldn’t possibly destroy something faster than Twitter, joke’s on you.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“They’re calling this the most expensive penis overcompensation in American history.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, it took off fast, was flying high and then, all of a sudden, it exploded — kind of like Ron DeSantis’s presidential campaign.” — JIMMY FALLON“That disassembly cost SpaceX $3 billion, which, you could defame four different voting machine companies for that much money.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingDanny Trejo joined Stephen Colbert to make some recipes from his new cookbook, “Trejo’s Cantina,” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutLittle Richard in 1956. The rock ‘n’ roll trailblazer is the subject of the documentary “Little Richard: I Am Everything.”Pictorial Press Ltd/Alamy Stock Photo/Magnolia PicturesThe new documentary “Little Richard: I Am Everything” presents the early rock ’n’ roll performer as a man of many contradictions. More