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      Jimmy Kimmel Celebrates ‘the Calm Before the Stormy’

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      Kimmel joked that indictments were “in the air” after former President Donald Trump said he expected to be arrested on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Save the DateFormer President Donald Trump published a Truth Social post on Saturday saying that he expected to be arrested on Tuesday and requested supporters to “protest, take our nation back.”During his Monday night monologue, Jimmy Kimmel joked that indictments were “in the air.”“It’s really magical,” he said. “It’s the calm before the Stormy.”“You know what, we’ve been saying for years that one of these days, we’re going to wake up, and Trump will have been arrested for one of these many crimes? Well, that day could be tomorrow.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You’ve got to give it to him. It’s not often that everyone sends out a save-the-date for their own arrest.” — JIMMY FALLON“But you never know with him. Either he’s about to actually be arrested or he’s releasing another round of digital trading cards for us to buy. We don’t know for sure.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The truth is, there’s no good reason for Trump to be in any of this trouble. If Casa-no-brain had just paid Stormy Daniels the $130,000 himself out of his Pizza Hut money or whatever, he wouldn’t be in this situation. He wouldn’t have an issue in New York. So many of his legal problems are based on him being an idiot. If President Karen hadn’t picked up the phone and called around Georgia, asking to speak to its manager to find 11,000 votes, he wouldn’t have an issue in Georgia. If he just tweeted the words ‘Calm down, go home’ four hours earlier like everyone, including his daughter, told him to, he wouldn’t have an issue on Jan. 6. And if the great white hope chest hadn’t boxed up his love letters from the Saudis and Kim Jong-un — if he hadn’t squirreled them out of the White House and into the rec room at Golf-a-logo — he wouldn’t have an issue with the F.B.I. In every case, the reason he’s in trouble is because he is the dumbest criminal in the world. He brought this all on himself. He’s Al Ca-BoneHead, is what he is.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Another Failed Business Venture Edition)“Police are going to be like, ‘You have the right to remain silent — now, but also in general. Just think about it. Just something to think about.’” — JIMMY FALLON“You know, if they want Trump’s fingerprints, they could have just looked at the Cheetos dust on his Diet Coke cans.” — JIMMY FALLON“And I’ve got to say, who would have ever thought that Donald Trump would be brought down by a porn star? All of us, right? It was pretty — pretty predictable.” — AL FRANKEN, guest host of “The Daily Show”“But, yeah, Donald Trump paid Stormy Daniels to keep this story quiet, and here we are, still talking about it seven years later, so that would be another failed Trump business venture.” — AL FRANKEN“You know it’s bad when a former president announces that he’s going to be arrested and the general response is, ‘For which crime?’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingAl Franken invited Senator Lindsey Graham to be his first interview as guest host of “The Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe comedian and television host Nicole Byer will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutTaylor Swift kicked off her Eras Tour in Glendale, Ariz.Cassidy Araiza for The New York TimesTaylor Swift opened her Eras Tour on Friday with a three-hour show traversing her 10-album career. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Mocks Trump’s New Lawyer

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      Kimmel joked that Joe Tacopina “seems to have been born in the ashtray of Rudy Giuliani’s Lincoln Continental.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘He-Hulk: Attorney at Law’Former President Donald Trump’s attorney, Joe Tacopina, appeared on MSNBC on Tuesday, where he defended his client and argued that Trump was not a liar, specifically in regard to hush money paid to Stormy Daniels.Jimmy Kimmel jokingly referred to Tacopina as “He-Hulk: Attorney at Law,” saying he “seems to have been born in the ashtray of Rudy Giuliani’s Lincoln Continental.”“It looks like he holds meetings in the back office at the Bada Bing!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Ralph Macchio had better representation in ‘My Cousin Vinny’ than Donald Trump has with this man.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump is either going to jail for zero years, or 1,000. There’s nothing in between.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bye Bye, TikTok Edition)“The Biden administration is ordering the Chinese parent company of TikTok to either sell the app or face a possible ban. It is a bold move by Biden. If he bans TikTok, China will only be able to spy on us with literally everything else.” — JIMMY FALLON“Don’t mess with this man — he has no use for your addictive apps. Biden’s the kind of guy who can make it through a whole two-week vacation with nothing but a deck of cards and a print edition of Sports Illustrated.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingKal Penn ended his “Daily Show” run with a look into how young voters are being suppressed.Also, Check This Out“I didn’t think I was this brave, no sirree,” Dominique Fishback said about finding what it took to play a killer. “I’m from Brooklyn, I’m an Aries and all that stuff, but I’m very, very sensitive.”Michael Tyrone Delaney for The New York TimesDominique Fishback plays an obsessive fan of a Beyoncé-like pop star in “Swarm,” Amazon’s new series cocreated by Donald Glover. More

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      Stephen Colbert Is Not Paying $99 for Trump’s New Book

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      “Yes, it sounds expensive, but how should he know?” the “Late Show” host said. “He’s never bought a book.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Dear DonaldDonald Trump has a new book coming out: “Letters to Trump,” a collection of missives he’s received from public figures over the last 40 years.The price? A mere $99. Stephen Colbert says it’s part of Trump’s “insatiable need for cash and external validation.”“Now, you may be thinking, ‘Hey, Steve, this book sounds like another one of our greedy ex-president’s shameless cash grabs,’ and you would think real good, because this book he didn’t write costs $99. Yes, it sounds expensive, but how should he know? He’s never bought a book.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, I mean, it’s good to know he’s finally learned his letters: [singing] A, B, C, D, E, F, G, person-woman-man, camera, TV.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Former President Trump is releasing a book called ‘Letters to Trump’ that’s made up of 150 private letters sent to him by big-name celebrities like Oprah, the Clintons, and Liza Minnelli. It’s kind of strange. Trump is bragging, like, ‘Look at all the friends I used to have. It’s all in the book.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, the first five letters are from celebrities, the rest are just fan mail from Scott Baio.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Final Notice Edition)“Former President Trump is set next month to publish a new book of private letters sent to him titled ‘Letters to Trump.’ Though, really, it’s mostly final notices from utility companies.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s actually a book of correspondence written to him, so, naturally, the cover features him writing a letter.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I would like to see the letters that Trump wrote. Like, [imitating Trump] ‘My dearest Colonel Sanders, I can’t wait to meet you.’” — JIMMY FALLON“If the book does well, the next volume will be a collection of his favorite subpoenas.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOmar Epps, the actor, sat down with his longtime friend Marlon Wayans on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutJessica Chastain and Arian Moayed as Nora and Torvald Helmer in “A Doll’s House” at the Hudson Theater. Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesJessica Chastain stars as Nora Helmer in Jamie Lloyd’s modernized Broadway revival of “A Doll’s House,” now playing at the Hudson Theater. More

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      Late Night Can’t Believe Tucker Carlson’s Texts About Trump

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      “Oh, my God, it turns out the Trump hatred was coming from inside the house!” Seth Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fox News and FrenemiesNew documents released as part of the defamation lawsuit filed by Dominion Voting Systems against Fox News revealed that the popular host Tucker Carlson sent several denigrating texts about former President Donald Trump. In one text, Carlson wrote of Trump, “I hate him passionately.”“Oh, my God, it turns out the Trump hatred was coming from inside the house!” Seth Meyers said.“Wait, wait, are you telling me Tucker Carlson is secretly sane? I would feel so betrayed if I was a Fox viewer. This is like if you joined a cult, sold all your belongings, shaved your head, moved to the desert, and then it turns out the cult leader is just, like, a Methodist.” — SETH MEYERS“You hate him? But talking about him is the thing that pays your big salary!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, Tucker Carlson said he couldn’t wait to ignore Trump and that he hated Trump passionately. That’s as damning as the time I got caught texting Trump, ‘Real talk, I also think windmills kill birds.’” — SETH MEYERS“The only thing I thought Tucker was capable of hating with a passion were female M&M’s who are a seven or lower.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s fighting words! White-on-white crime, let’s go!” — MARLON WAYANS, guest host of “The Daily Show”“To be fair, I feel like every friend group has a second group text for that one person they secretly hate.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Banned by Biden Edition)“Well, guys, the White House just backed a bipartisan Senate bill that would give President Biden the power to ban TikTok, or as they’re calling it on TikTok, the ‘trying to lose the election’ challenge.” — JIMMY FALLON“I wouldn’t worry just yet. As of now, Biden thinks TikTok is the clock on ‘60 Minutes.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, Biden could end TikTok at any time simply by making an account.” — SETH MEYERS“Don’t worry — to make it up, Biden promised us that he’d give everybody 100 free hours of AOL.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, officials think China is using TikTok to spy on us, and China was like, ‘Yeah, well, we had a backup idea, but you shot it down.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingKerry Washington played a guessing game with Jimmy Fallon called “Mmm Hmmm Hmmm” on “The Tonight Show” on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightLily Tomlin and Jane Fonda will appear on “Late Show” on Thursday.Also, Check This OutFans and new readers alike will appreciate this list of essential works by the mystery writer Patricia Highsmith. More

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      Stephen Colbert Ponders a Trump-Kari Lake Ticket

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      Donald Trump is said to be considering the Arizona politician, who also denies having lost an election. Colbert says she’s the “governor of the state of denial.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Who’s the Lucky Lady?A report says Donald Trump is considering a female running mate for 2024, in hopes of winning over suburban white women. On Tuesday, Stephen Colbert noted that Kari Lake, who still denies that she lost Arizona’s gubernatorial race last year, was said to be a contender.“Lake lost her election and refuses to admit it, but she has got one win under her belt,” Colbert said, referring to a conservative conference in Washington where a straw poll found her to be the top choice for the vice presidency.“She must have been so honored to have MAGA voters choose her as the next vice president they try to hang.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, since it’s Trump, he’ll make the decision after holding a Miss Vice President pageant.” — JIMMY FALLON“But Lake found a way to deny this election as well, saying through a spokesperson, ‘We’re flattered, but unfortunately, our legal team says the Constitution won’t allow for her to serve as governor and V.P. at the same time.’ That’s a good point — Kari Lake is currently the sitting governor of the state of denial.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mona Lisa Edition)“Sightseeing, my Black [expletive]. If you have to punch a cop on your way in, you’re not sightseeing, you fightseeing.” — MARLON WAYANS, on the Fox host Tucker Carlson’s insistence that the Jan. 6 Capitol protesters were “sightseers”“All Tucker Carson proved is that you can make anything better by not showing the bad part.” — MARLON WAYANS“You guys know we can see what you’re doing, right? Kevin McCarthy, who is Trump’s Waylon Smithers, gives all the footage to Tucker, Tucker shows only the tame parts, and then Trump claims the rioters were framed. It’s like watching a magic show where the magician is wearing sheer sleeves.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden reacted to scary new wax figures of British royalty on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSt. Vincent will perform on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe writer Adam Bradley offers a “new Black canon,” listing 20 undervalued books that reflect “the infinite number of ways of being Black in America — and of being in the world.” More

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      Jimmy Fallon Recaps Trump’s ‘Off the Rails’ CPAC Speech

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      Fallon said Donald Trump “made some pretty intense promises” in his headlining speech on Saturday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Leader of the PACDuring a speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Saturday, former President Donald Trump made what Jimmy Fallon referred to as “some pretty intense promises.”“In 2016, I declared, ‘I am your voice,’” Trump said. “Today I add, I am your warrior, I am your justice, and, for those who have been wronged and betrayed, I am your retribution. I am your retribution.’”“He’s like, ‘I’m the captain now. I am the one who knocks. I am the walrus. Koo-koo-ka-choo,’” Fallon joked on Monday night.“He’s either running for president or auditioning to be the next John Wick.” — JIMMY FALLON“He was such a terrible president, and now he’s auditioning to be Batman.” — SETH MEYERS“Problem is, he would never respond to the bat signal, because there’s no way he’s ever just looking pensively out the window. You’d have to text it to him or just shine it on Sean Hannity’s forehead. Oh, you know what you could do? You could project it on a solar eclipse — he looks at those.” — SETH MEYERS“It was so empty, the guy started vacuuming because he thought the event was over.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Karens and the Darrens Edition)“But let’s be real, the funniest comedy special last weekend was the CPAC, or as I like to call it, crazy white people.” — MARLON WAYANS, guest hosting “The Daily Show”“Turns out, CPAC really stands for ‘Crazy to Put Up all Those Chairs.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If you don’t know about it, it’s an annual event where all the Karens and their husbands come together, and they complain about the rest of us. The Karens and the Darrens.” — MARLON WAYANS“And some of that [expletive] make no sense at all. Like, Nikki Haley said, ‘wokeness is more dangerous than a pandemic.’ I never had to miss two weeks of work because of wokeness.” — MARLON WAYANS“Yes, wokeness is such a dangerous virus that it apparently killed two-thirds of her audience. It’s got to be stopped.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden revealed Tessa Thompson’s first acting role in a music video at the age of 6.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe author Margaret Atwood will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutIn Chris Rock’s new Netflix stand-up special, “Selective Outrage,” the comedian brings up last year’s “slap heard around the world.”Kirill Bichutsky/NetflixThe comedian Chris Rock responds to being on the receiving end of Will Smith’s Oscars slap in his new comedy special “Selective Outrage.” More

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      Late Night Gives the Lowdown on CPAC

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      “CPAC stands for ‘Clowns Periodically Assembling in Convention Centers,’” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Gathering of the MAGA-los’The annual Conservative Political Action Conference kicked off outside of Washington on Wednesday.Jimmy Kimmel called it “the annual gathering of the MAGA-los,” saying the conference is “a chance for the far right to get together and share crazy thoughts.”“CPAC stands for ‘Clowns Periodically Assembling in Convention Centers.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s basically Coachella for people who post on Facebook in all caps.” — JIMMY FALLON“They started it with the traditional 21 assault rifle salute and the pledge of allegiance to Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“CPAC calls itself ‘the largest and most influential gathering of conservatives in the world.’ The speeches will be serious, while the people trying to dance at the after-party will be hilarious.” — JIMMY FALLON“The conference is being held at the Gaylord Harbor National Resort and Convention Center, which is another reason Mike Pence won’t come.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They’ve got some great panels lined up this year. These are real — we didn’t make these up. These are not jokes. People pay to go see panels like ‘No Chinese Balloons Above Tennessee,’ ‘Sacking the Woke Playbook,’ ‘Parents with Pitchforks.’ I saw Parents with Pitchforks at Coachella last year. Really good band.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But this is nice: After each speech, there will be a QAnon — I’m sorry, Q. and A.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Women’s History Month Edition)“Today is March 1, which means it is the start of Women’s History Month. Exactly right. Yeah. Just remember, behind every great woman is a man loudly repeating her ideas.” — JIMMY FALLON“Women’s History Month started as Women’s History Week back in 1982, and then somebody thought, you know, ‘Hey, women should probably get more time than sharks on the Discovery Channel.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s an opportunity to look back at the history of women’s rights, especially this year, when so many of women’s rights are history.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingHasan Minhaj deactivated his Twitter account on air during Wednesday night’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSteven Spielberg will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutVictory Gardens Theater staged “cullud wattah” until its playwright, Erika Dickerson-Despenza, forced the company to stop the run to protest the ouster of its artistic director.Liz LaurenBlack playwrights in several cities have halted production of their work based on concerns with theater administrators’ lack of follow-through on promises of diversity and inclusion. More

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      Stephen Colbert Has News for Fans of Fox

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      “If there are any Fox viewers watching this — first off, I assume you’re looking for remote batteries. Try the junk drawer in the kitchen,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Error 404: Journalism Not Found’Rupert Murdoch, the chairman of the media empire that owns Fox News, acknowledged in a deposition that several hosts on his conservative news network promoted false narratives that the 2020 election was stolen from former President Donald Trump, court documents released on Monday showed.“If there are any Fox viewers watching this — first off, I assume you’re looking for remote batteries. Try the junk drawer in the kitchen,” Stephen Colbert joked on Tuesday’s “Late Show.” “Second, you should know a few things about Fox that it isn’t telling you.”“Fox News is being sued for defamation because their hosts endorsed lies about the 2020 election, while their text messages to each other prove that they knew Joe Biden won fair and square, and that their guests talking about stealing the election were all crazy liars. Also, no one can invent a pillow — they already existed!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Last month, Murdoch sat down for a deposition as part of Dominion Voting Systems’ $1.6 billion lawsuit against Fox News, and he admitted under oath that election lies were knowingly endorsed by Fox hosts Sean Hannity, Jeanine Pirro, Lou Dobbs and Maria Bartiromo, collectively known as dumb, dumber, dumbest and Sean Hannity.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Dominion lawsuit is a massive story, which is why Fox News isn’t covering it. In fact, if you go to their website and search the past two months for the words ‘Dominion Voting Systems,’ you don’t get an article — not a single article. You just get a page that says ‘Error 404: Journalism Not Found.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fox News Group Chat Edition)“There was no mention of any of this on Fox News today. And here’s the thing: the reason they’re keeping this quiet — I know this is going to be a shock — is because Fox News lied to us.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Conservative media mogul Rupert Murdoch today said that they knowingly endorsed election fraud falsehoods. When reached for comment, Fox News replied, ‘Whoopsy daisy!’” — JAMES CORDEN“That’s not shocking. If Brian Kilmeade ever completed a Wordle, that would be shocking.” — HASAN MINHAJ“Oh, my God! Do you realize what this means? These people are secretly sane! They also don’t respect anyone they have on their show. These guys are texting each other all day about how [expletive] Fox News is. Their group chat is basically MSNBC.” — HASAN MINHAJThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel, writers on “Late Night,” made some “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” about Black History Month and a lesbian kiss on “Yellowstone.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSheryl Lee Ralph, a star on “Abbott Elementary,” will sit down with James Corden on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMaking the Tokyo episode did not change Eugene Levy’s feeling about sushi.Apple TV+Eugene Levy is going worldwide hosting his new Apple+ TV show, “The Reluctant Traveler.” More