The Daily Show with Trevor Noah (TV Program)

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      Trevor Noah Weighs In on Biden’s Hot Mic Drop

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      “You see? This is what happens when you have been on Zoom calls for two years — you forget that real life doesn’t have a mute button,” Noah said of the president’s comments about a Fox News reporter.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Tell Me How You Really FeelAt the White House on Monday, President Biden referred to Peter Doocy, a Fox News reporter, as a “stupid son of a bitch” in a hot-mic moment.“Like most presidents, Biden has a complicated relationship with the media, which I get it, you know?” Trevor Noah said on Tuesday. “They nitpick everything he says, they challenge all of his decisions and they even get their own room in his house, which is insane. Nobody else has to set aside a guest room for their haters.”Biden’s comment was in reference to Doocy’s asking if he believed inflation would be a political liability in the midterm elections.“I mean if you get to ask the president a question, you should ask him real questions, like ‘Why can’t the C.D.C. get its messaging straight on Covid?’ or ‘Can you ask your dog to stop chewing my arm?’” — TREVOR NOAH“You see? This is what happens when you have been on Zoom calls for two years — you forget that real life doesn’t have a mute button.” — TREVOR NOAH“A lot of people online are dunking on the reporter, saying he deserved this because he’s just some Fox News guy asking a dumb question, and they’re right. You know, ‘Do you think inflation is a political liability’ is a very stupid question. I mean, what’s Biden supposed to say? ‘No, I think people like spending more money to buy the same [expletive].’”— TREVOR NOAH“Biden dropped one off-handed diss on a reporter — he’s no legend. Attacking the press was Donald Trump’s whole thing.” — TREVOR NOAH“First of all, he wouldn’t mumble that into a hot mic — no, he would scream that [expletive] in your face, he would be like [imitating Trump] ‘Get that son of a bitch out of here. So rude. So rude. My crimes are my business.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Hot Mic Edition)“When your age is almost 80 and your approval rating’s almost 30, you can pretty much say whatever you want, I think.” — JIMMY FALLON“Said Biden, ‘I’m so sorry. That was supposed to be into the main mic.’” — SETH MEYERS“You can tell that felt good for Biden, because today he was fielding questions like, ‘Yeah, the moron in the back. How about Dopey in the corner, you got something to say?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Hey, listen, if Biden’s next three years are going to be grandpa at Thanksgiving, sign me up.” — JIMMY FALLON“[imitating Biden] That’s right, Old Joey’s back. I’ve reached peak old man, givin’ zero malarkeys.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Later that night, Biden did something I forgot presidents could do — he apologized.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers skewered his writers for some of their worst monologue jokes.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSydney Sweeney, the star of “Euphoria,” will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutHilary Duff, second from left, with Tom Ainsley and Francia Raisa, in “How I Met Your Father.”Patrick Wymore/HuluHilary Duff, the star of “How I Met Your Father,” is already tired of people asking who the father is. More

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      Trevor Noah Blasts Robert Kennedy Jr. for Invoking Anne Frank

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      Noah said anti-vaxxers gathering to hear from Kennedy might have found him leaning too liberal for believing in the Holocaust.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.To Be FrankThousands of Americans attended a Sunday rally protesting vaccine mandates in Washington, D.C. On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah joked they were gathering to “hear why vaccine mandates are worse than Hitler,” after the keynote speaker, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., argued that Anne Frank was better off hiding in an attic during the Holocaust than being alive today.“Yeah, the man is right — who could argue? No one ever talks about how good Anne Frank had it: free room and board, all the time in the world to write — pretty sweet deal if you ask me.” — TREVOR NOAH“I will say, though, crazy is relative because R.F.K. may be saying wild [expletive] about the Holocaust, but half the people he’s talking to don’t even believe the Holocaust happened. Yeah, they’re just standing there like, ‘Anne Frank? Didn’t realize this guy was such a liberal.’” — TREVOR NOAH“Robert obviously never actually finished the book.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It must have been so disappointing. Some of these whack jobs — you know, they’ve been expecting J.F.K. Jr. to come back to life. Instead, they got R.F.K. Jr. It’s like going see the Jackson Five and only Tito shows up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Robert Kennedy is a notorious longtime anti-vaxxer. Interesting to note, though: He did have a Christmas party at his house last month, and in order to come in you had to show proof of vaccination, in his house, but he blamed that on his wife, so it’s OK.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Good Games Edition)“Well, guys, this weekend was the divisional round of the N.F.L. playoffs, and after all four games were decided on the final play, people are calling it the greatest playoff weekend of all time. Well, everyone from Buffalo, Green Bay, Tennessee, and Tampa are like not, ‘Eh, not so much.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, Tom Brady and the defending champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers were knocked out of the playoffs. Brady is really not used to losing — he normally commutes home via parade.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it was a weekend of upsets on Saturday, Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers hosted the San Francisco 49ers and lost in Green Bay. In other words, Aaron Rodgers failed his at-home test.” — JIMMY FALLON“It was crazy to see Tom Brady — it was like the Coyote finally caught the Road Runner and ate him right there on TV.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Aaron Rogers, you may recall, was caught in a series of lies about his vaccination status earlier in the season. Before the game, he lashed out at President Biden, said we have a fake White House, a bunch of other stuff befitting a man who has been hit in the head a lot of times.”— JIMMY KIMMEL“Also great to hear someone say ‘He caught it,’ and it’s not about Omicron.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Show” guest Kristen Stewart revealed that she was originally supposed to work opposite Nicole Kidman in “Panic Room.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightJeremy O. Harris, who wrote “Slave Play,” will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutLouie Anderson based his performance as a matriarch in “Baskets” on his own mother.Prashant Gupta/FXThe late Louie Anderson is remembered for, among other things, playing one of the greatest television characters on the FX comedy “Baskets.” More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Not Surprised by Trump Fraud Allegations

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      “The walls appear to be closing in on Trump — big, beautiful walls,” Kimmel said, as new details emerged from an investigation into the ex-president’s family business.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Male Pattern Fraudness’Late-night hosts were not surprised to hear that New York State’s attorney general, Letitia James, is accusing Donald Trump’s family business of repeatedly misrepresenting the value of its assets.“One year ago today, Donald Trump was still in the White House, throwing chicken nuggets at the TV, and one year from today, he could be in jail,” Jimmy Kimmel said.“According to documents filed by the attorney general in New York last night, they’ve uncovered evidence that indicates the Trump Organization repeatedly engaged in ‘fraudulent or misleading’ practices. The walls appear to be closing in on Trump — big, beautiful walls.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“James says that her office has uncovered significant evidence that the former president fraudulently valued multiple assets, including his own private residence. He claimed the triplex apartment was 30,000 square feet in size, but the actual size was just under 11,000 square feet. Yeah, that’s no surprise — he’s known for falsely tripling the size of his assets.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You know how when people are shocked, they spit out their water? When I heard Donald Trump exaggerated the value of his assets for the purposes of lying to banks and the I.R.S., it was so the reverse of shocking, I sucked the water back into my mouth.” — SETH MEYERS“But this is nice, they’re interviewing Donald Jr., Ivanka, and have already talked to Eric, making this the first time Tiffany was happy to be excluded.” — JAMES CORDEN“But it’s a fairly straightforward case. To find fraud in a business, you just have to look for the signs — particularly the signs at the top of the building that say ‘Trump’ on them — and you will find it there. There is where you will find his male pattern fraudness.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I mean, at the same time, Donald Trump does not give a [expletive]. Let’s be honest: This dude will brag about himself even if it gets him in trouble. I bet when a cop asks him if he knows how fast he was going, he’s like, ‘Yeah, I do, 400 billion miles a second, the fastest anyone has ever gone. I was so fast. So fast.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (How Long Was It? Edition)“President Biden today gave his first press conference in a long time, and it went on for a long time. It may be still going, I don’t know.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It comes one day before his presidency hits the one-year mark, and he used the opportunity to highlight his administration’s key successes — successes such as vaccinating millions of Americans, low unemployment, and casually hooking up with Pete Davidson.” — JAMES CORDEN“And this was smart: to make Biden look good, they had the C.D.C. director go out first and open for him.” — JIMMY FALLON“The press conference kicked off at 4 p.m. You can tell it was really important for Biden because that’s right in the middle of dinner.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it was his first formal press conference at the White House since March of last year. In Biden’s defense, that one just wrapped up a few days ago.” — JIMMY FALLON“For almost two hours, Biden took question after question about Russia, Covid, voter rights. He really got into why Denny’s breakfast menu is so sticky all the time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The president took a lot of questions, too many questions. You know how at the end of most press conferences, the reporters are yelling ‘Mr. President, Mr. President!’? At the end of this one, they were like, ‘Goodbye. We’re good. We got plenty.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Wednesday’s “Tonight Show,” Christine Baranski said fans who mistake her for her sophisticated characters wouldn’t believe how loud she gets when watching the Buffalo Bills.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightTwitter legend Dionne Warwick will pop by Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutSince the Trump mask incident, Griffin has been trying to make her way back, brushing up against obstacles like partisan rage, sexism, pill addiction, lung cancer and her own reputation.Chantal Anderson for The New York TimesKathy Griffin’s career hasn’t recovered from a 2017 Trump joke, and now she’s hoping to find her way back onto the D-list. More

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      Trevor Noah Doesn’t Trust the At-Home Covid Tests

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      “We’re just going to test ourselves for antigens? Is that before or after we mess up the directions on an Easy Mac?” Noah said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Waiting for the MailThe Biden administration’s new website allowing Americans to order free at-home Covid tests quietly went live on Tuesday. Tests will ship within seven to 12 days.“It’s great that tests are finally going to be available to everyone — but seven to 12 days?” Trevor Noah said. “You don’t think that’s a little too long in a pandemic? I mean, every day is precious. Every single day is precious in a pandemic. If anyone should know that, it’s Joe Biden.”“You know, I can’t help but think if America took a military approach to Covid, this testing thing would be solved like that. [snaps] Because there’s no delays when it comes to the American military. America doesn’t need bombs and then start building them — America always has bombs ready to go.” — TREVOR NOAH“Although, to be honest with you, I don’t know if I trust at-home tests. We’re just going to test ourselves for antigens? Is that before or after we mess up the directions on an Easy Mac?” — TREVOR NOAH“Free Covid tests by mail. What a great idea if this was a year ago.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, Biden’s original plan was you send in a bunch of cereal box tops, but that didn’t work.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You get four tests per household, which is great news for people who live alone and literally no one else.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Because what if you have a family of five? Do you start ranking your children?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Vaccine Influencer Edition)“We’ve seen a lot of people making a case for vaccination, from Dr. Fauci to Olivia Rodrigo to Arnold Schwarzenegger — all of them. But my opinion is that no living person has made a more compelling argument to get the shot than this news commentator from Mexico. His name is Leonardo Schwebel. He cleared all possible language barriers to make his case.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Mucho bueno! Well done, Leonardo Schwebel. I may make that my ring tone.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s nice to know that whatever country you’re from, we all speak the universal language of [expletive] this [expletive].” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yes! You know that’s how Dr. Fauci feels on the inside.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden shared his experience of testing positive for Covid recently and how his staff took having two weeks off-air.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightJudi Dench, the award-winning actress starring in “Belfast,” will make her first “Late Night” appearance on Wednesday.Also, Check This OutJon Batiste is up for the most awards at the 2022 Grammys, with 11 nominations.Caitlin Ochs/ReutersAfter being delayed because of Covid, this year’s Grammy Awards will take place in Las Vegas on April 3. More

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      Seth Meyers Wants Fox News to Stop Saying ‘Big Meat’

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      As Fox hosts went after President Biden over rising prices, Meyers found their choice of words a little distracting.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Where’s the Beef?On his last “Closer Look” of the year, Seth Meyers tackled some Fox News coverage of President Biden’s response to inflation — specifically, rising meat prices.“Recently, the White House said the blame for rising meat prices rests in part with meat conglomerates, and then Fox News decided to repeat a term for those companies to deride Biden that — well, let’s just say the term was a little distracting,” Meyers said on Thursday.That term? “Big Meat.”“Why are they saying ‘Big Meat’ so much? Is this ‘Fox News After Dark’?” — SETH MEYERS“They sound like they’re on a press tour for a porno about a pizza delivery guy.” — SETH MEYERS“The worst part of that segment came when Rudy got confused and accidentally Googled ‘Big Meat.’”— SETH MEYERS“Maybe they’re just sticking up for Big Meat because that was Trump’s Secret Service code name.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Thong Edition)“If you fly Spirit, that’s the oxygen mask that drops down in an emergency.” — JIMMY FALLON, on a United Airlines passenger who wore a red thong on his face to protest mask requirements (and who later compared himself to Rosa Parks)“A few minutes later, an air marshal walked over and gave him a mouth wedgie.” — JIMMY FALLON“Rosa Parks? My man, don’t be so modest — you’re more than Rosa Parks. If anything, you’re the Martin Luther King of white dudes comparing themselves to Black heroes for no reason.” — TREVOR NOAH“You know, for real, sometimes I think conservatives are right: America shouldn’t be teaching the history of racism in schools, because then at least white people wouldn’t know who to compare themselves to when they get kicked off airplanes for doing dumb [expletive]. ‘I’m exactly the same as — huh, I can’t think of anybody, you know? Maybe I’m just a [expletive] wearing panties on my face. I need to re-evaluate my behavior.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And, by the way, can we all agree there’s no way this dude just starting sniffing thongs during the pandemic? I bet you he’s been going around for years like, ‘Looks like I got kicked out of the dorm because I’m once again the Rosa Parks of my sister’s friend’s underwear drawer.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingScarlett Johansson tells Jimmy Fallon about meeting Judge Judy (she was star-struck).Also, Check This OutOlivia Rodrigo, members of the cast of “Reservation Dogs” and a scene from “Sanctuary City.”Clockwise from left: Mat Hayward/Getty Images; Jeremy Dennis for The New York Times; Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesOlivia Rodrigo and the cast of “Reservation Dogs” are among the breakout stars of 2021. More

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      Late Night Praises Fox News Hosts for Their Acting Skills

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      The news that Fox News anchors sent texts on Jan. 6 urging President Trump to speak out against the insurrection while blaming antifa on air was the talk of late night on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Stop the InsanityLate night was aflutter on Tuesday with the revelations that the Fox News commentators Brian Kilmeade, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham sent pleading texts to Mark Meadows on Jan. 6, asking President Donald J. Trump to speak out and stop the insurrection.Stephen Colbert joked that Meadows, Trump’s last chief of staff, “even got an Instagram post from Judge Jeanine’s box of wine.”“Gee, if only they had some sort of media outlet where they could have said that publicly.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is like finding out the flight attendant who’s been telling you that it’s just a little turbulence is going back into the cockpit, like, ‘Doesn’t anybody know how to fly this thing? We’re all gonna die!’” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, it came out that Fox News hosts were begging for Trump to do something. And today Fox News hosts lit their tree on fire again just to change the subject.” — JIMMY FALLON“So, the Jan. 6 attack scared Laura Ingraham — and keep in mind, her side gig is appearing in your bathroom mirror if you whisper ‘Medicare for all’ three times.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The records show that then-White House chief of staff Mark Meadows also received a text from Fox News host Brian Kilmeade that said, ‘Please get him on TV. Destroying everything we’ve accomplished.’ That is a shocking revelation — they had to beg Trump to go on TV?” — SETH MEYERS“Trump was like, ‘If I replied to every text that said “What you’re doing is crazy,” I’d never get anything done.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump didn’t want to hear it. Not only did Trump ignore texts from Fox News, he also dropped them from his family cellphone plan.” — JIMMY FALLON“And I love that they were so concerned that this could ruin Trump’s legacy: ‘If he gets somebody killed today, no one will remember that time he told everyone to drink bleach.” — TREVOR NOAH“If one person at your network has no integrity, that’s a problem. If nobody has integrity, that’s a company policy.” — TREVOR NOAH“If you’re looking for some silver lining here, I don’t think we give the Fox News gang enough credit for their acting — it’s really good.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (What’s His Number Edition)“According to newly released records, Donald Trump Jr. texted then-White House chief of staff Mark Meadows during January’s Capitol attack, urging him to make President Trump condemn the violence. Then he texted again, saying, ‘Fine, I’ll tell him myself — just give me his number.’” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, Trump ignored the advice of those closest to him and also Don Jr.” — JIMMY FALLON“And then this text: He said, ‘Dad, you have to stop this right now.’ He wrote back, ‘Who is this?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You cannot give Don that number. It’s too risky — he might give it to Eric.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Don Jr. texted Meadows, asking him to do something. Meanwhile, Eric Trump texted, ‘Does anyone know where my Paw Patrol slippers are?’” — JAMES CORDEN“Now clearly, Don Jr.’s texts didn’t work, which honestly I’m kind of glad about because the only thing worse than an insurrection would have been to thank Don Jr. for stopping the insurrection.” — TREVOR NOAH“Of course, Don Jr. has spent the last 11 months praising his father’s lack of action. And Eric — his son, Eric Trump, didn’t send any texts at all. He did not text Mark Meadows, because, well, in fairness he was stuck in a claw machine at a Dave & Buster’s in Silver Spring.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingWill Forte joined his friend and former “Saturday Night Live” co-star Seth Meyers for some day drinking on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night“The Late Show” will celebrate the 20th anniversary of “Lord of the Rings.”Also, Check This OutJamie Mccarthy/Getty ImagesJohn Cameron Mitchell takes inspiration from New Orleans, modern fairy tales and Mavis Staples. More

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      Stephen Colbert Comments on the ‘Slides of Sedition’

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      Colbert couldn’t believe Congress is currently investigating a 38-page PowerPoint document detailing plans to overturn the 2020 election.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Slides of Sedition’The House committee investigating the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol is looking into a 38-page PowerPoint document sent to President Trump’s chief of staff, Mark Meadows, that included plans to overturn the 2020 election.“PowerPoint? They weren’t just trying to overturn democracy, they were trying to bore it to death,” Stephen Colbert said on Monday night.“So what was in these slides of sedition? We’re not exactly sure yet, but there is one deck that’s been circulating, that may be the deck in question, and one of the slides on that was a list of recommendations, including a plan to ‘declare a national security emergency.’ I’m sure exactly how you do that. I assume by breaking into every broadcast using the emergency [expletive] system.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They were also planning to declare electronic voting in all states invalid. Instead, they wanted to rely on ‘legal and genuine paper ballot counts.’ OK, so if you can’t trust computers, how are you giving your presentation, via PowerPoint pigeon? They’re staging a coup-coup!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, they wrote down their plans for a coup in a PowerPoint. You know what that means — Congress is going to have to subpoena Clippy. That’s from our new segment, ‘Jokes from 1995.’” — SETH MEYERS“Even the Mafia knows to use code words. If the Mafia ever made a PowerPoint presentation, it would say something vague like, ‘Plan for the guys at the place to do the thing.’ ‘OK, boss, what’s the next slide?’ ‘There’s no more slides. There’s just the one slide.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Elon Musk Edition)“Time magazine today unveiled their annual person of the year, and that person is Elon Musk or as I call him, Old Sheldon.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Person of the year is believed to be the highest honor ever awarded to a person who cuts his own hair.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In response to this, Jeff Bezos just bought Time magazine.” — JAMES CORDEN“He was going to go out and buy a copy, but then he realized he’d have to pay taxes on it, so it was, you know, not worth it.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s important to note this is not necessarily a compliment. Adolf Hitler and Donald Trump were also named person of the year. Time — for real — Time is basically your dad watching a bad Super Bowl commercial, and going, ‘Hey, love him or hate him, we’re all talking about him, right?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Man, I’m so happy for him. Like the guy could really use an ego boost, you know?” — TREVOR NOAH“And honestly you can’t argue with this. I mean, richest man in the world, who also control space, crypto and electric cars? Who would even be second place, like maybe Pete Davidson, maybe?” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, Musk received the honor for his work in space exploration and after he bought 10 million subscriptions to Time magazine.” — JIMMY FALLON“I’m kidding, although it was a little strange that everyone at Time drove into work today in a brand-new Tesla.” — JIMMY FALLON“Being named person of the year is a big deal. It’s basically ‘sexiest man alive,’ but you’re competing against the Dalai Lama and the pope.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingTom Holland, Regina King and Ted Danson are just a few of the celebrities reading mean tweets about themselves in a new edition of the popular recurring segment of “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightChelsea Handler will stop by Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutJim Henson with Big Bird, as seen in “Street Gang: How We Got Sesame Street.” The HBO documentary uses file footage and new interviews to detail the early years of the influential show.Sesame Workshop/HBOA new documentary about “Sesame Street” details how social purpose has always been a part of the long-running children’s show. More

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      Late Night Is Tired of Tucker Carlson’s ‘Foaming’ at the News

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      The Fox News host joined his network in insisting the company’s burned-down Christmas tree is proof of the war on Christmas.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fired UpOn Thursday, Fox News hosts continued their insistence that the Christmas tree outside its headquarters had been burned down as part of the war on Christmas.Jimmy Kimmel said the network must not have had anything else to talk about this week, “because they really went to town on this ‘We have been victimized’ jag, and no one did more phony foaming at the mouth than the little dumber boy,” referring to Tucker Carlson.“According to Tucker Carlson, this is not an isolated incident of some disturbed rando lighting their tree on fire,” Stephen Colbert said, even though the police have said the suspect was a homeless man, and that drugs or mental illness could have been a factor in the torching.Seth Meyers imitated Carlson during one of his monologues.“[imitating Carlson] When will it end? Will every new variant mean new powers for our political class? Will they be able to test you, trace you, come to your house and inject you with a microchip hidden in a vaccine that tracks your movements? And will that tracking microchip allow them to see that you went to the anime convention, in secret, of course, because you didn’t want your friends at Fox News to know you’re into that kind of thing. And will they find out about the time you asked Sean Hannity what he thought of ‘Dragon Ball Z,’ and he looked at you like you were crazy, and that hurt your feelings so much that you ran into the bathroom to cry, only to realize you had run into the women’s bathroom and you were so worried that someone would see you run out that you instead removed a ceiling panel and climbed into a heating duct for the purposes of shimmying back to your office, not knowing that the duct wouldn’t be strong enough to support your weight, causing you to, mid-shimmy, collapse through the ceiling, where you landed on top of Rupert Murdoch’s desk while he was sitting at it, causing him to look up from his soup and yell ‘Crikey!’ Will that happen to you? Well, I can tell you it will because it happened to me.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Hillary’s MasterClass Edition)“Oof, that is brutal! And the way she’s sitting like that, and she’s reading it to us, it’s like the world’s most depressing fairy tale: ‘Once upon a time, an ogre crushed the dreams of a princess, and nobody lived happily ever after. The end.’” — TREVOR NOAH“But, yes, Hillary Clinton is giving a master class on resiliency that’s now available everywhere —except in Wisconsin, for some reason.” — TREVOR NOAH“And in it, she reads the victory speech she never got to deliver. And I really love how she’s like, ‘I’ve never shared this speech with anybody before. it was too painful. You’re paying me how much? Oh, well, I guess I could read a few pages.’” — TREVOR NOAH“Wait, why? We don’t want to hear that. You know when we wanted to hear that? After the election in 2016.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What is this? What is she doing? Is this a Christmas present for Donald Trump?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s like she made him a cameo video for his birthday.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn their Thursday night episode, Desus and Mero tried to convince the actress Sandra Bullock to reboot “Miss Congeniality.”Also, Check This OutClockwise from top left: Norah Jones, Bryson Tiller, Kelly Clarkson and She & Him are entering (and in some cases, returning to) the holiday music scene this year.Kelly Clarkson and Bryson Tiller are just two artists with holiday albums redefining the genre. More