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      Late Night Is Aghast the G.O.P. Is Allegedly Linked to Jan. 6

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      “It’s a real ‘Ocean’s 11’ of people who can’t count to 10,” Stephen Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Legion of Dumb’A new report in Rolling Stone magazine alleged that several members of Trump’s White House staff were involved in planning the rally that led to the Jan. 6 insurrection.Representatives Lauren Boebert of Colorado, Louie Gohmert of Texas and “Marjorie Taylor Greene of Mordor” — as Jimmy Kimmel referred to her on Monday night — were just a few of those said to be involved.“It’s a real ‘Ocean’s 11’ of people who can’t count to 10,” Stephen Colbert joked.“What a sad lineup that is. It’s the legion of dumb.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And I, for one, am shocked that Congress had anything to do with it, because it nearly worked.” — SETH MEYERS“One of the organizers said, ‘I remember Marjorie Taylor Greene specifically.’ Yes, I can imagine it’s hard to forget someone who tells you forest fires are caused by circumcised space lasers.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Representative Paul Gosar of Arizona was named, too. This guy, when he was running for office, six of his siblings — his own brothers and sisters — made an attack ad against him and called him a traitor. Before he was one of the most hated members of Congress, he was the most hated member of his family.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He reportedly told the organizers repeatedly they would get a blanket pardon from Trump and they were all, like, ‘Well, if there’s one thing we know about Donald Trump, he’s as good as his word.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“‘Blanket pardon’ sounds like the kind of made-up fake legal thing these doofuses would say. It’s a weird feature of our politics that the most sinister characters are also the biggest morons.” — SETH MEYERS“You could imagine Paul Gosar or Marjorie Taylor Greene on the phone with the Jan. 6 idiots huddled in their weird little militia hide-out/tree house promising them all kinds of crazy [expletive]: [Imitating Gosar and Greene] ‘You didn’t hear it from me, but I spoke to the chief wizard of the Supreme Court and he said there’s a secret provision written by Benjamin Franklin’s ghost, and it says you can have a blanket pardon, a private plane and a $100 gift card to Golden Corral.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (the Facebook Papers Edition)“It is a monumentally bad day for Facebook, the world’s top social media network and Uncle radicalizer.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“A group of U.S. news organizations last week began publishing a series of stories based on internal Facebook documents showing that the social media platform spreads misinformation, incites violence and facilitates human trafficking. Even worse, it gives people from high school a way to get in touch with you.” — SETH MEYERS“Thanks to hundreds of leaked internal documents, 17 news organizations are publishing a series of stories about all of the damage Facebook does, for example, how coordinated groups on Facebook sow discord and violence, including on Jan. 6. That’s in addition to the discord your cousin sows on Facebook by announcing she’s named her twins Dash and Otter.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The documents, which are being called the Facebook Papers, reveal frustration among Facebook’s staff about the company’s direction. Yeah, not so great to have all your personal information stolen, is it, Facebook?” — JAMES CORDEN“I don’t know, are we really surprised by this, finding out ‘What did Facebook know?’ Let me clear it up for you, what Facebook knows: They know everything. They know your Social Security number. They know where you live; what you’re having for lunch. They know the winners of the next five Super Bowls.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They’re basically Specter, but we can’t stop because we have to monitor the weight of our former love interests.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Unsurprisingly, a lot of misinformation has to do with Facebook C.E.O. Mark Zuckerberg. Last year, he testified before Congress that Facebook removes 94 percent of hate speech, but the company’s own researchers estimated that it was removing less than 5 percent. That’s — that’s a hell of a spread: ‘Mom, I know I said I got 94 percent on the math test, but it was actually 5 percent. I didn’t lie; I just really suck at math.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth Watching“The Daily Show” took a deep dive into Senator Kyrsten Sinema.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightOlivia Rodrigo will perform on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This Out“Judy Justice,” starring Judge Judith Sheindlin, will become available on Nov. 1.Tracy Nguyen for The New York TimesJudge Judith Sheindlin has moved on from “Judge Judy” to “Judy Justice.” More

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      Late Night Suggests a Few New Names for Facebook

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      Stephen Colbert proposed names like “Aunt Brenda’s Three-Paragraph Rant-a-torium” or “Best Fun Times America Website.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Extreme MakeoverLate night hosts couldn’t resist needling Facebook on Wednesday with news of the company’s impending name change.“They’re still facing accusations of endangering teens, spreading misinformation and destroying democracy. So they’re doing the right thing: rebranding the company with a new name,” Stephen Colbert said.“But that new name is a closely guarded secret that’s not widely known, even among Facebook senior leadership. Well, that’s surprising. Facebook has leadership?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Just in case they haven’t settled on one yet, we here at ‘The Late Show’ have come up with a few appropriate names, like Pinsurrectionist, DikTok, Aunt Brenda’s Three-Paragraph Rant-a-torium, Best Fun Times America Website and the Washington Football Team.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, the website will still be Facebook but the company is going to have a new name. And I don’t know if this is a good idea. I mean, Facebook is one of those iconic brands like Hiroshima and Ted Bundy — do you really want to lose that name recognition?” — TREVOR NOAH“But I’m excited to find out what the new name is going to be. Like you know, I don’t know, maybe they’ll go with Myspace. I mean they already took everything else from them, might as well finish the job. Killed my friend Tom!” — TREVOR NOAH“And here’s the craziest part, I don’t know if it’s been announced yet. The new name — the new name for Facebook? Steven.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Replacebook Edition)“Moving on, Facebook is planning to rebrand the company with a new name. This comes as the company continues to expand its services beyond traditional social media. Facebook’s aim with the rebrand is to, quote, ‘confuse the [expletive] out of everybody’s parents.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Facebook is planning to rebrand the company. They’ve been plagued with scandals around misinformation, hate groups, selling people’s data, but they’re like ‘Yeah, we’ll change the name. That’s the problem, the name.’” — JAMES CORDEN“First, I don’t think the name is really the problem that people have with Facebook. Society is like ‘Yo, you are destroying democracy’ and Facebook is like ‘We hear you — what if we went by Bookface?’” — TREVOR NOAH“Second, if you want to change your image, I don’t think you should trust Mark Zuckerberg to do that. I mean, have you seen this man’s haircut? It looks like he goes to the barber and asks him to give him the colonial child. You trust him with your makeover?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingIssa Rae described how she felt the pressure to please fans with the fifth and final season of “Insecure.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night“Dune” stars Timothée Chalamet and Zendaya will appear on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutTimothée Chalamet as Paul Atreides and Rebecca Ferguson as Lady Jessica in “Dune.” Paul is considerably less complicated and conflicted onscreen than he is on the page, our critic writes.Chia Bella James/Warner Bros.Speaking of Chalamet, Denis Villeneuve’s adaptation of “Dune” is a sweeping and intimate take on Frank Herbert’s future-shock epic. More

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      Trevor Noah Talks ‘Striketober’

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      “The Daily Show” host joked that jobs are “how Americans prove that they deserve health care.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Working One OverOn Tuesday night’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah looked into ‘Striketober,’ where workers at companies like Kellogg’s and John Deere are striking for things like bigger pensions and getting part of the profits.Noah referred to jobs as “how Americans prove that they deserve health care.”“With more job openings than ever and more people quitting than ever, workers suddenly find themselves with a lot of leverage, and they’re using it to demand things like better pay, more flexible hours and canceling the annual company ‘Squid Game.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And right now, workers from so many different industries are striking — although, it’s none of the bad industries that you wish would go on strike. Like, have you ever noticed how the people who collect student loans, they never go on strike. Or telemarketers? Come on, you guys deserve better pay!” — TREVOR NOAH“Now, going on strike is not a step that workers take lightly. It’s a major decision, you know? You risk your jobs. You lose out on pay. You have to protest in front of your workplace, but you can’t go in to pee.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, I’m not going to lie: When I heard how brutal these hours were, I was shocked. Like, what the hell, Kellogg’s? You shouldn’t be working people to the bone for cereal. We can all eat a pancake once in a while.” — TREVOR NOAH“And it’s not just inhumane to treat employees this way; it totally goes against the Kellogg’s brand image of cheerful colorful cartoon mascots, you know? If Kellogg’s keeps this up, those games on the back of the box are going to start getting a lot less cheerful.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mix-and-Match Edition)“Let’s kick things off with the topic on everyone’s mind: vaccine booster shots. They’re like a butt lift for your immune system.” — TREVOR NOAH“And one thing people are wondering about is whether they should mix and match their shots, because maybe vaccines are like superheroes. Sure, Iron Man can save your life, but if you follow him up with Captain America, now you have the Avengers.” — TREVOR NOAH“It will spice up all those vaccine conversations a little bit: ‘What shot did you get?’ ‘Pfiderna.’” — JAMES CORDEN“This is kind of like mixing alcoholic beverages — you can do it, but should you? Just remember the rule of thumb: Moderna before Pfizer, always wiser. Pfizer before Moderna, some concern-a.” — JAMES CORDEN“And where it really gets complicated is with the Johnson & Johnson shot, which is basically Hawkeye: You know it’s better than nothing, but, come on, huh?” — TREVOR NOAH“The government is careful to say they would not recommend one shot over another. They’re like parents talking to their kids about college: ‘Hey, pick whatever major makes you happy, as long as it’s not poetry or Johnson & Johnson.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Clearly, someone at the company has to be held accountable for this. Personally, I blame Johnson. Then again, maybe it was Johnson I should blame? No, no, it’s definitely Johnson.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingNick Offerman shared some sweet tidbits about his bromance with Wilco’s frontman, Jeff Tweedy, and the writer George Saunders while on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightIssa Rae will talk about the end of her HBO hit “Insecure” on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This Out Calla Kessler/The New York TimesBilly Porter’s new memoir, “Unprotected,” details his early introduction to musical theater and the emotional trajectory that followed. More

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      Stephen Colbert Can’t Take Christopher Steele’s Purported Tape

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      “I’m warning you, Steele. If this turns out to be a false report again, ‘urine’ trouble,’” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Urine’ TroubleStephen Colbert just can’t quit talking about reports about the existence of a tape rumored to show Donald J. Trump in a compromising position in a Moscow hotel room. On Monday, he bemoaned a recent assertion by Christopher Steele, a British ex-spy, that such a tape “probably exists.”“No! No, Chris Steele, you will not get my hopes up again. I have moved on — my heart cannot take this!” Colbert said. “This show had an official last pee-pee tape joke on January 25th. You cannot get me to talk about this until the actual tape has been released — or at least streamed.”“I’m warning you, Steele. If this turns out to be a false report again, ‘urine’ trouble.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Another Shot Edition)“And here’s a big story, especially if you got the Johnson & Johnson one-and-done vaccine. Dr. Anthony Fauci is now saying that FDA data shows the Johnson & Johnson vaccine should have been two shots. I mean, come on — it was right there in the name.” — JAMES CORDEN“For both Pfizer and Moderna, the recommendation is that after six months, people over the age of 65 or who have pre-existing conditions should get a booster. But for Johnson & Johnson, the panel recommends boosters for people 18 and older, and it can be given two months after the first shot. Cool! Hey, you know when that information would have come in handy? Two months after the first shot!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The name itself has two doses: ‘Johnson & Johnson.’ Just like — just like how we’re getting ‘Mo’ derna. That’s — that’s science.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In related news, the F.D.A. has asked Johnson & Johnson to rename its ‘No More Tears’ shampoo to ‘Legally Speaking, Probably a Few Tears.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “The Daily Show,” Jordan Klepper spoke with Trump supporters at the former president’s recent Iowa rally about why they still believe he won the election.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightColdplay will continue its weekly residency on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJamie Loftus has branched out into podcasting partly out of fear that her comedy shows were pigeonholing her as “Gross Woman.”Matt Cosby for The New York TimesThe comedian Jamie Loftus revisits the “Cathy” comic strip in her podcast, “Aack Cast.” More

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      Late Night Isn’t Threatened by Trump’s Latest Stunt

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      This week, Donald Trump said Republicans should not be voting in the 2022 or 2024 elections. “Wow, he’s been out of office so long, he’s forgotten how threats work,” Seth Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Is That a Threat?In a written statement this week, Donald J. Trump said Republicans would not be voting in the 2022 or 2024 elections.“Wow, he’s been out of office so long, he’s forgotten how threats work,” Seth Meyers said in his opening monologue Thursday.“That’s right, Trump is urging Republicans not to vote in the midterm elections unless the ‘fraud of the 2020 elections’ is uncovered, but for some reason, the thought of only Democrats voting still isn’t reassuring to me.” — SETH MEYERS“I do like that Trump is constantly making life difficult for Republicans who just want to use him to win power. Sorry, you guys bought a ticket on this train wreck, and now you can’t get off.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Election Fraud Edition)“In a new statement, former President Trump is suggesting that unless the issue of election fraud is addressed, Republicans should not vote in 2024. Democrats heard and were like, ‘Let’s get this guy back on Twitter.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Did Nancy Pelosi write this for him?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It seems like he’s telling Republicans not to vote. And of course, this brings up the age-old question, how do you solve a problem you made up?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Thursday’s “The Daily Show,” Trevor Noah looked into why no one wants a job anymore.Also, Check This OutBrian Cox in the new season of “Succession” premiering Sunday on HBO.Graeme Hunter/HBO“Succession” returns this Sunday for Season 3, in which the Roys resemble wealth more than they do real people. More

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      Seth Meyers Berates Fox News for Its Reporting on Vaccine Mandate

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      Meyers took Tucker Carlson to task for not “being certain” while reporting falsehoods.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.This Week in Fake NewsSeth Meyers tackled Southwest Airlines’ chaotic week on Wednesday night, scolding Fox News for reporting that its recent flight cancellations were caused by vaccine mandates. Meyers noted that Tucker Carlson admitted that he “couldn’t say for certain” that the mandate had caused the issue, but reported they were behind them, anyway.“You can’t say for certain? Well, then, please, by all means, put it on television. We all know that’s how journalism works. Who can forget the famous Woodward and Bernstein headline, ‘Did Nixon Do Watergate? Seems Like the Kind of Thing He’d Do, but Who Knows?” — SETH MEYERS“I’ll never tire of Tucker’s ‘just asking questions’ routine: [imitating Tucker Carlson] ‘Were these protests against Biden’s vaccine mandate? Did Joe Biden secretly replace all the real pilots with communist antifa woke-anistas, or were the delays caused because the flight attendants refused to give you a second bag of Biscoff cookies when you asked for one?’” — SETH MEYERS“American, Southwest, United, JetBlue, Alaska — most of the major airlines have mandates. The only big one that I know that doesn’t have it is Delta, which is nuts. If any airline should have a vaccine mandate, it’s the one named after the variant.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Shatner in Space Edition)“Blue Origin, the company founded by Jeff Bezos, prime-delivered their second group of civilian passengers into space and back today. And guess who’s in that rocket? T.J. Hooker himself, William Shatner.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Shatner’s the second old guy this month to risk his life in a tracksuit.” — JIMMY FALLON“But, yeah, oldest person ever to go to space, which is amazing. Like, I don’t know about you, but I love it when old people break records, you know? That is why so many people support Tom Brady. I mean, your grandpa can’t throw like that.” — TREVOR NOAH“I will say it is pretty cool that he gave an Amazon review about his trip to an actual Amazon guy. That is pretty cool. No one gets to tell Jeff Bezos about his products to his face.” — TREVOR NOAH“But he made it back alive, Bill did — thank God. Can you imagine if Jeff Bezos killed Captain Kirk?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingRosario Dawson talked about her role in Hulu’s new drama series about OxyContin’s origin story, “Dopesick.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Impeachment” star Beanie Feldstein will appear on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutSelma Blair said that since she went public with her diagnosis, she’s been offered roles for aging or disabled characters: “I might be those things, but I’m still everything else I was before, and I shouldn’t be relegated to that.”Magdalena Wosinska for The New York TimesThe actress Selma Blair shares her story about living with multiple sclerosis in the new documentary “Introducing, Selma Blair.” More

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      Late Night Shames Moderna for Refusing to Share

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      “Imagine only making one thing and billions of people want it,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “This must be how the Baha Men felt after recording ‘Who Let the Dogs Out.’”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Sick BusinessModerna has come under fire for both refusing to share its Covid vaccine technology as well as denying vaccines to poor countries in desperate need.“The Covid vaccine is Moderna’s only product — it’s the only thing the company sells,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Tuesday. “Imagine only making one thing and billions of people want it. This must be how the Baha Men felt after recording ‘Who Let the Dogs Out,’ you know?”“Look, man, I get it — Moderna is a business and they want to make money themselves, but at least come up with a better excuse, you know, like the vaccine formula is an old family recipe.” — TREVOR NOAH“Apparently, it’s been passed down from generation to generation — just like Mama used to make.” — JIMMY FALLON“So on Saturday, The Times reported that Moderna ‘has been supplying its shots almost exclusively to wealthy nations, keeping the poorer countries waiting and earning billions of dollars in profit.’ I’m sure that’s just a coincidence, right? [Imitating Moderna spokesperson] ‘Guys! We’re doing it alphabetically: America, Australia, Britain, Canada, Denmark — it’s not our fault the rich countries come first. Zambia, Zimbabwe, we’ll get there eventually, hang in.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It is a shame that companies think about profit in a time like this when people are dying. But I get it — if they don’t make money doing it this time, they might not bother to work on a vaccine next time.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Offensive Coordinator Edition)“Last night, Las Vegas Raiders head coach Jon Gruden resigned after old emails came out showing his use of homophobic, racist and misogynistic language. Oh, Lord. Do you know how bad it’s got to be to get kicked out of Las Vegas? They’ve got no rules there.” — JIMMY FALLON“Usually if a coach is fired, the team was playing really, really badly, like the cheerleaders were rooting for the other team bad.” — TREVOR NOAH“The emails were so offensive, the Raiders almost made him offensive coordinator.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know you screwed up when you’re not fit to coach a team whose fans dress like actual demons.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, the Raiders are known for being an unorthodox team, but this is the ugliest thing to come out of that organization since their owner’s haircut, which is saying something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“So he, of course, apologized. He said he ‘never meant to hurt anybody,’ and that if he had known these emails were gonna be published in the newspaper, he definitely would not have written or sent them.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In a statement, Gruden said: ‘I apologize. My 19,000 offensive emails are not who I am.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Goddamn, this dude hit everybody — Blacks, gays, women, protesters, brain-damage victims. It’s almost like he was competing in a cancellation decathlon.” — TREVOR NOAH“I mean, I can’t believe I have to say this but, people, people — you should not be writing racist emails. Just get up, walk over to your co-worker’s desk and say the N-word in person. It’s called human interaction, people.” — TREVOR NOAH“Besides his coaching job, Gruden also lost an endorsement deal with Skechers. Yup, Skechers said their deal with Gruden no longer made sense and then people were like, ‘Did it ever?’”— JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin detailed all that Trump has done for religion on Tuesday’s “Late Night With Seth Meyers.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe “Succession” star Sarah Snook will chat with Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutThe characters in “Squid Game” don matching teal-green track suits as they are forced to play children’s games to the death to pay off their debts.NetflixThe Netflix hit series “Squid Game” has had an unexpected influence on fall fashion. More

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      Seth Meyers Breaks Down Facebook’s Very Bad Week

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      “It’s the kind of week you normally post about on Facebook,” Meyers said on Wednesday night.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Face-OffLate-night hosts continued to weigh in Wednesday night on Facebook’s horrible, no good, very bad week.“It’s the kind of week you normally post about on Facebook,” Meyers said, adding that the social media giant had it even worse than the Yankees, who lost their wild-card game Tuesday and were knocked out of the baseball playoffs.“Here’s the thing. Facebook is like a pocketknife: You can use it to peel an apple or stab a janitor at school.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Speaking of destroying America, Mark Zuckerberg is pushing back after the bombshell testimony from a whistle-blower who gave Congress insight into what her former employer is up to. Zuckerberg fired back last night with the longest Facebook post ever recorded. This post was so long, I thought my Aunt Fran wrote it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The whistle-blower, Frances Haugen, claimed, among other things, that Facebook prioritizes angry posts — they get the most traction. Zuckerberg rejected those claims in an angry post.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Up until now, Zuckerberg has been silent about a whistle-blower revealing that Facebook has misled the public about the negative effects of its platforms on children and teens, especially young girls, and that Facebook’s mechanics further the spread of misinformation. That’s why I’m not on Facebook. I get my news from a more reliable source: pantsless guy on the subway.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Zuck actually posted a statement defending Facebook against charges that their algorithm encourages conflict, explaining, ‘I don’t know any tech company that sets out to build products that make people angry.’ Really? I do — it’s called cnn.com. Why is the video embedded in the article not about the article? If I click a link about the Albuquerque Balloon Festival, I don’t want to watch a video where Van Jones sits down with undecided voters after watching the same Humira ad twice!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And it is, to say the least, not good that what amounts to a global public utility is controlled by one massive, secretive international conglomerate. It’s like finding out that all the drinking water in the world is controlled by some company called ‘Aqua Buds’ and it’s run by one weird little dude who created the company out of revenge because none of the cute girls at this college would give him a glass of water: ‘Oh, I’ll show them. I’ll show them all! Who’s thirsty now, Courtney?’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Anyone Else Edition)“Well, get this — apparently New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has been telling people that he’s going to run for governor of New York next year. New Yorkers heard and were like, ‘Please, anyone else.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Then Rudy Giuliani was like, ‘What about me?’ and New York was like, ‘OK, maybe not anyone else.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Here’s the deal: de Blasio is reportedly possibly running for New York governor. There’s still a lot of unknowns: what his platform is, what his announcement date is, and what he’s smoking.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Apparently, de Blasio has been sounding out trusted former aides about their interest in working on a potential campaign. His only hope is that they don’t remember his presidential campaign, when he finished 47th behind Michael Bennet and a Roomba with googly eyes.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah spoke to Monica Lewinsky about her new documentary, “15 Minutes of Shame,” on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightMadonna will pop by Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJeremy Strong, left, with Nicholas Braun, in the HBO comedy-drama “Succession.” David M. Russell/HBO“There’s a trying to Greg that’s really endearing and fun for me to play,” said Nicholas Braun, a star of “Succession,” which returns with Season 3 on Oct. 17. More